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CONDEROSA FILES–Here’s a message to all you nice folks who may have been getting e-mails from me containing rambling stories or pictures of my work. The stories are written for http://www.Bikernet.com and the pictures are to let the folks out there know what I do for a livin’. Feel free to forward them to anyone you think may be interested in having some work done.
Otherwise give everybody you see a big hug from all of us at the Conderosa Ranch. – Friendliness, Tim and Alyssa
* Just finished – “DXP” a.k.a “Copperhead”, a hand built Lucky’s Chopper out of Seattle.
* In progress – “Orange Crash” – a hot rod FXD out of Sonoma.
* Loose paint shop renderings of a possible Conder Custom, “Chop Suey”. (I scratch ’em out on my masking paper while waiting between paint coats) Copyright Conder Capeesh?
Tim Conder will soon draw the Ultimate Chopper Concept Drawing for the next Bikernet project bikes. It’s a class way to kick off any project and keep the fires burning around the tool box. Conder Custom – (707) 843-9554
The Conderosa
WHAT MAKES A CHOPPER A CHOPPER–It seems that everyone today got themselves caught up in the Chopper frenzy. Thanks to the Discovery Channel’s targeted programming, every little kid in America strives not to be President or even a doctor or lawyer but a rootin’ tootin’ bad ass biker. Unfortunately, some of their daddy’s think the same way. With the past decades rise in disposable income, an entire mega-money making industry has given rise to the re-birth of the chopper craze of the 60’s and early 70’s. You see them on magazine covers at the supermarket check out stands, you see them on television commercials and you even saw them at the Super Bowl, but, did you really see Choppers? NOPE.
What you saw in most instances were not Choppers at all but custom built motorcycles. They look pretty with their long stretched front ends, fancy paint jobs that glow in the dark and sporting enough chrome do-hickeys to make a blind man put on a pair of sun glasses but they’re NOT CHOPPERS. You really can’t blame the hundreds of makers of these sweet customs that have sprung up in the past few years for calling them Choppers though. The English language, it would seem, has adopted the term for any bike that doesn’t look like it came fresh out of the dealership, and most buyers really don’t know the difference, but I’ll attempt to explain it to you here.
It started in the 1940’s when servicemen returning from WWII were looking for a thrill. After seeing the world and a whole bunch of action, the Veterans were looking to add a little weekend excitement to their seemingly dull post-war lives. Motorcycles were the perfect venue for them. They bought up surplus military bikes but found all the weight just a bit too restrictive so they chopped away all the unnecessary do-dads like windshields and saddlebags. Then in an effort to make the bikes a bit lighter and handle better all the unnecessary weight was also chopped off. Rear fenders were “bobbed” to just enough to handle a passenger and keep the rain and mud coming off the rear wheel from hitting them in the back and front fenders were done away with completely.
This type of home done customization led to the rise of the “bobber”. Then in the ’60s, some enterprising individual came up with the notion that a longer front end was cool. Well, that was the birth of the Girder and Springer front ends. I have to tell you that after riding these type front ends for years that they do look cool but reduce handling of the bike greatly. If you’ve ever tried making a tight U-turn or running at high speeds on some twisty mountain roads with one of these you’ll know just what I’m talking about. Degree of neck rake and the length of the front end have been carefully considered by motorcycle manufactures for years for a purpose. HANDLING.
OK, so what makes a Chopper a Chopper? Well, technically, you don’t “build a Chopper”. To make a bike a true Chopper you have to start off with an unmodified factory bike and chop the hell out of it. Take off every piece of crap that has no function in making the bike either go or stop and toss it into a pile. Then you take out the engine and transmission and get to work cutting up the factory frame and welding it back together to get it lower and lighter. The true function of a Chopper is to make it as fast and as maneuverable as possible. Jesse James, the most infamous of the television “Chopper Builders” said it best ” I have always thought that if it doesn’t make it go fast or stop fast , it shouldn’t be there”.
A rigid frame is a must for a Chopper. You don’t need no stinkin’ shock absorbers or a Softail frame on a Chopper. They serve no function other than making the ride a bit more comfortable and if you want comfort, you don’t want a Chopper. You want a custom built bar hopper and if that’s what you’re into, it’s fine with me but it you can jump up and down and explain till you’re blue in the face, but it ain’t a Chopper. Listen, it’s made to ride and ride hard.
Bottom Line: It’s YOUR ride and don’t let anyone try and sell you a bill of goods with that “it has to be a Harley crap”. T’ain’t so McGee. I can’t believe that I’m gonna quote Shakespeare here but it fits:”TO THINE OWN SELF, BE TRUE”. Screw everyone else. You’re the one riding it.
–TBear
WHAT MAKES A BIKERNET FARMER A FARMER–A man walked into a quiet bar. He carried three ducks, one in each hand and one under his left arm.He placed them one beside the other upon the bar.
He had a few drinks and chatted with the ducks, and with the bartender. The bartender was surprised, but experienced and had learned not to ask people about animals they bring into the bar, so he didn’t mention the ducks.
They chatted for about another 30 minutes before the man with the ducks had to go to the restroom. He left the ducks there on the bar, leaving the bartender alone with the ducks.
There was an awkward silence as they all looked at one another. The bartender decided to break the ice and try to make a little conversation.
“Say, what’s your name?” he asked the first duck.
“Huey,” replied the first duck.
“How’s your day been, Huey?”
“Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day!”
“What else could a duck want?” said the duck.
“Oh. That’s nice,” said the bartender. Then he said to the second duck, “Hi. And what’s your name?”
“Dewey,” came the answer from duck number two.
“So how’s your day been, Dewey?”, he asked.
“Great. Lovely day. I’ve had a ball too! Been in and out of puddles all day myself. If I had the chance another day I’d do the same again!”, said the duck in reply.
So, the bartender turned to the third duck and said, “So, you must be Louie?”
“No,” she said, “my name is Puddles.”
“And don’t even ask what kind of day I’ve had!”
–from David McGraw
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–Bandit
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