This is the first ever HORSE magazoon Subscription Sweepstakes and you could win a one-off build by the Crew at Brass Balls Bobbers. This issue, we will kick off this one-year build program with a description of the project and the contributors who are making it happen on the pages of the HORSE. Each of these stellar features will also be posted on Bikernet.com.
But first, here’s the deal. You don’t have to subscribe to win, but the HORSE team is going to a great deal of work to build this bike in hopes you will pony up the small change to subscribe to the finest bike mag on the planet. So fill out the insert card, subscribe, or go to their website and take care of business. In the meantime, enjoy this build by Darwin Motorcycles, in keeping with the HORSE mantra, “Fuck Chrome, let’s ride.”
First, we had a meeting with Dar Holdsworth, the boss of Brass Balls, the Englishman, the Editorial Emperor of the HORSE, Prince Najar, a marketing guru from a small island in the Indian Ocean, and me, Bandit, the Bikernet janitor. Dar opened a crisp manila file on his milk crate, and we proceeded to make a plan
“Are we taking the bike on the Long Road, cross-country ride from Smoke Out West to Smoke Out East?” the Englishman asked the group.
“Why not?” Prince Najar spat. “We could sell t-shirts and subscriptions at every gas stop. Maybe I could get Spectro Oil to sponsor the program.”
“What about the engine?” asked Dar, as he scribbled on the blank sheet of paper.
“We are running with a hot RevTech engine from Custom Chrome,” I said. “It’s an 88-inch Evo built in the states, and we’re adding Xzotic faux Knucklehead rocker covers for a vintage slant. Who’s that?”
Dar was making notes on his initially blank sheet of paper, but a couple of shots slipped out of the file and landed on the shop floor. She was hot. 
“That’s our motivational speaker for this project, Haley Gauley,” Dar said, trying to stuff the hot shots back into the file.
“What the hell?” I muttered and scratched my second-day beard growth. I needed a shower.
“Bikenet will contribute a 5-speed transmission.”
Suddenly, I was immensely interested in the project.
“I’ll ask Baker if they would like to contribute a kicker system. Tell her what we offered, will ya?”
Dar started writing about the engine and trans. “I would like to work with Paughco on a new frame configuration,” he said.
“I’ll hook you up, if I can meet Haley,” I said.
“She’s our private personal trainer,” Dar said, trying to ignore my comment. “We need a rigid with a 36-degree rake, stretched 3-up, 1-out, and 2 toward the stern for a battery box mounted behind your trans.”
I leaned over and yanked one of the photos of Haley out of the file. I looked over the 5’6″ brunette who was cut from a strict workout routine. Her bright blue eyes were warm and gleeful. Redheads drove me crazy, blondes were one-night-stands, but I fell in love with brunettes with a sincere gaze.
“The bike needs to be a hard rider,” the Englishman said. “No fancy shit, just rust and ride.”
Dar mumbled about rat rods, patinas, Scotchbrite, copper plating sheet metal. “But I sure would like to use an 1-inch over American made Paughco classic springer.”
“I’ll hook you up with Jason at Paughco,” I said, still leering at Haley’s photo. “He’s their frame and Springer specialist. Will Haley be around for the build?”
“Yeah, damnit,” Dar said. “Except when she’s on the road with America. She plays in their band.”
“We’ll take her on the road with us when the bike is completed,” Prince Najar said. “She can help up sell subs and apparel with that body.”
“Leave the girl alone,” Dar said. “We need to build a killer bike for the Smoke Out, Sturgis and Daytona. I need electrics.”
“No sweat,” I piped up. “Just get me a seat on her tour bus. Spyke will pop for the starter and the charging system, and Compu-fire will handle the ignition system, either single- or dual-fire. Can I get her phone number?”
“Look,” Dar said, writing feverously about using the Brass Balls perfect seat pan and having it hand covered in custom-etched saddle leather. “She’s got a bachelors degree in marketing from Southwestern Oklahoma State University, she plays guitar, sings and is the official Brass Balls masseuse.”
“I just resigned from Bikernet.com,” I snapped, and tossed my shop push broom in the corner. “I’m coming to work for you.”
“What the hell could you do?” Dar said, writing down Wilwood brakes, Diamond O-ring chain, Metzler tires, Brass Balls 69 Chopper bars, Brass Balls sheet metal. He works exclusively with Wire Plus for Brass Balls wiring harness systems and speedos.
“I’ll be Haley’s personal assistant,” I replied.
Dar wrote a description of Lead Sled’s tough- as-nails 13-gauge rear fenders. He added Darwin Cycles grips. The Englishman jotted a list of articles in his editorial calendar, breaking the build into a very orderly process over the next 10 issues. Prince Najar sketched a logo for the effort and worked on the marketing budget. The effort flew together during our brief meeting, but I didn’t feel a growing connection to the girl. You win the bike; I’m going after the girl. See you next issue with an update.
