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JESSE JAMES BUILDS JAP BIKE–after repeatedly knocking the custom “harley” world flat on its ass mr. James is now gonna do the same thing to the sport bike game.This, is one sick motorcycle.
Should hit the stands jan. 6th. Check it out.
–from Jay Hodge
HAMSTER GIVES BIRTH–Sun Valley, Idaho Hamster Todd Rippo and wife Lisa had a baby Hamsterette, Francesca Jolie, on Monday morning, just to strengthen our Hamster base in Idaho! All is well, baby is 6lbs 12oz. Congratulations!
THE EAST COAST CHALLENGE IS ON– Choppers Unlimited offers completeturn key, super rollers, rollers, frames, and accessories to build chopsfrom mild to wild; bare, primed, powdered, and stainless. What a menu.NEW AT CINCY NEXT YEAR–NEW! 80-spoke, 280 Metzler, seven-inch rim with drive side brake! Stop byand check it out.Choppers Unlimited’s Cincy intro of an industry first 80-spoke 280 rim,dimensions are: The hub is 7-inches, laced to a 10.5″ rim.
NEW! Wide frame for Sportys? Wide frame for Sportys! Chop your XL in style.
–John Siebenthaler
john@siebenthalercreative.com>
www.siebenthalercreative.com
AN ENGINEER’S CHRISTMAS–There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the population reference bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming there is at least one good child in each.
Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that, for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stocking, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh, and get onto the next house.
Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks.
This means Santa’s sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second–3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.
The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized LEGO set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousands tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the “flying” reindeer can pull 10 times the normal amount, the job can’t be done with eight or even nine of them—Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).
600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance. This would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth’s atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would adsorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip.
Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 miles per second in 0.001 seconds, would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,000 g’s. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo. Therefore, if Santa did exist, he’s dead now!
Merry Christmas!
–from Bubblehead, AKA, Scrooge
TEXAS TOY RUN–The Red Baron bike was at the toy run and I asked the owner why I have yet to see it in a national magazine? He said that he has submitted to several. The editor ER told him it was the ugliest thing he had seen or something close to that effect. Kinda strange if you ask me.
Here are some images from Sunday’s toy run. There is a shop party this Saturday and then the second toy run on Sunday. I hope we have the same great weather. Usually we get rain & cold for one or the other. Not a lot of cutie pictures, battery died could be the freeway shots ate it up. I’ll have a backup battery soon.
I already heard from the little blonde on the homepage asking if I will send her copies of the pics. That night there were several folks taking photos. I told her and her friend the dark haired cutie “Unlike the rest of these folks I may get your pictures posted on the Internet”. She had already checked out the site yesterday before she sent the e-mail, so I know they are checking in.
Later,
–RFR
LITTLE MARY– Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class.
One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping.”Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?”
When Mary Margaret didn’t stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.
“God Almighty!” shouted Mary Margaret.
The Nun said, “Very good” and continued teaching her class.
A little later the Nun asked Mary Margaret, “Who is our Lord and Savior?”
But she didn’t stir from her slumber. Once again, little Johnny came to the rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt.
“Jesus Christ!” shouted Mary and the Nun once again said “Very good”, and Mary Margaret fell back asleep.
The Nun asked her third question…”What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?”
Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted,”If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I’ll break it in half!”
The Nun fainted.
–from Ken Miller
JANKLOW– Has Been Found Guilty of All The Charges Against Him
I would like to Thank Everyone Who Has Contacted The Media and Motorcycle Rights Groups.
It goes to prove that we Can Win!
Please Continue to Follow Up and Insist That Janklow Gets Jail Time and Not A Slap On The Wrist.
Now is when he and his pals are going to appeal or try to get some kind of minor sentence.
KILL A BIKER GO TO JAIL!
–Rogue
CLASSIC PAUGHCO SPRINGERS–If you’re looking for the ultimate in a CLASSIC RETRO SPRINGER front end for your new custom or an upgrade for that worn stocker, there’s only one place to go and that’s Paughco.
The Godfather of aftermarket SPRINGERS, Paughco has been manufacturing reproduction and custom SPRINGERS for over three decades. Currently they offer over 90 different variations including stock and custom applications to fit just about any year and model. Paughco SPRINGER assemblies are available in wide and narrow styles, in a variety of lengths, with or without shocks and designed for use with Dog Bone risers or Glide style top clamp.
Most recently they have introduced a model that incorporates their unique “floating fender” assembly. Available finished in Paughco’s durable show quality chrome or new gloss black finish, these classic front ends are priced right and are available from Paughco dealers worldwide or by calling 775-246-5738. Internet www.paughco.com
MERRY MERRY, GODDAMNIT–According to the HORSE, Jesse James challenged OCC to a bike build off. They declined. I wanted to go for it. Bikernet and Jesse James race to Sturgis 2004. Sounds good to me. I gotta get the new shop set up.
Whew, the rest of the week will be spent hammering through articles for American Rider, some of which will end up on Bikernet. I’m interviewing Senator Dave Zien from Wisconsin. We’ll discuss the chances for expanded Right-of-Way laws. He’s a long range rider, just rode from Wisconsin to Phoenix to visit his daughter.
We wrapped up three articles for Cruising Rider recently, although the editor tossed one back on my desk. He wants more words. Lucky the little bastard’s in Sedona. And I’m supposed to meet with the editor of Hard Core Choppers out of Japan this week. We need to work on future assignments.
The most important article project arrived from Irish Rich, of Shamrock Customs, on modifying a VL frame. It’s coming up on Bikernet along with other surprises. Hang on.
Ride forever,
Bandit
