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How to Fix Your Bike– A blonde was trying to sell her old bike, and wasn’t having much luck because it had 250,000 miles on it. She was telling her problem to a friend at work one day, and the friend told her, “Well, there is something you could do to make the bike easier to sell, but it’s not legal.”
“I don’t care,” the blonde replied, “So long as I can sell it.”
“Okay, here’s what you do,” said the friend. “Here is the address of a friend of mine who owns a bike shop. Tell him I sent you and he will ?fix it.? Then it shouldn’t be so much of a problem to sell.”
The blonde went to the mechanic the next night and got the bike ?fixed.?
A couple weeks later, the friend asked the blonde, “So, did you sell your bike?”
“No,” the blonde replied, “Why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!”
Rogue
www.bikerrogue.com
Don’t ask Tom Warner about DUI checkpoints–So you think honesty is the best policy when stopped by the police? Convince Tom Warner.
Tom Warner, 59, of Waterford, was arrested at a DUI checkpoint on Albee Road Sept. 24 at 10:38 p.m. He had been fishing with four friends that afternoon and was on his way home.
“When I came through the checkpoint, they asked me if I had had anything to drink and I said yeah, three or four beers that afternoon,” he said. “I also had returned from California with a little jet lag and one of the things they keyed on was my eyes were bloodshot.”
Warner said he tried his best to convince the police he was not impaired.
“I told them I do not drive drunk,” he said.
Breath test: 0.00
Warner took a field sobriety test (there is no quantified pass or fail, only the officer’s judgment). The officers felt Warner was impaired and arrested him. It was Warner’s first arrest for anything, according to his attorney, Robert Harrison.
About 20 minutes later, still at the scene, police asked Warner to take a breathlyzer test.
“They always wait 20 minutes or so to make sure you keep everything down before they give you the test, even at the jail,” Harrison said.
Warner took the test and the results were 0.00. That means there was no evidence of alcohol in his system. A subsequent urine test revealed the same results for drugs, (Harrison said it takes several weeks for urine test results to come back.)
Off to the House of Many Doors
Warner said he does not have a warm, fuzzy feeling about DUI checkpoints.
“Even prior to this,” he said, “I thought they were an invasion of privacy.”
He doesn’t feel any love for the the arresting officers, either.
“Once I registered zero,” he said, “I should have been released.”
Instead, Warner was hustled off to the South County Jail at the Venice police station on Ridgewood Avenue.
He was booked and later transported to the North County Jail, where he languished until 3 p.m. the next day. That’s when a judge released him on his own recognizance.
It’s about time
It took the state attorney until Dec. 8 to make a decision on whether to prosecute.
“We were set for trial when they dismissed the charges,” Harrison said.
Warner still has his job working for the county’s information and technology department.
He said the arrest was humiliating for him and his family. He said his wife is a cancer patient (in remission) and the incident added stress to her life.
“Not only that, I was supposed to report to the EOC (Emergency Operations Center) for Hurricane Jeanne,” Warner said, “but I was in jail.”
Harrison said he is now working to have the Warner’s DUI arrest expunged.
“Expungment means they have to physically destroy the records,” he said. “You can legally deny it ever happened.”
You can e-mail Tommy McIntyre at:tmcintyre@venicegondolier.com.
By Tommy McIntyre
Staff Writer
Sent by Rogue
HOW TRUE IT IS–
Another year has passed
and we’re all a little older.
Last summer felt hotter
and winter seems much colder.
There was a time not long ago
when life was quite a blast.
Now I fully understand
about “Living in the Past”
We used to go to weddings,
football games and lunches.
Now we go to funeral homes,
and after-funeral brunches.
We used to have hangovers,
from parties that were gay.
Now we suffer body aches
and while the night away.
We used to go out dining,
and couldn’t get our fill.
Now we ask for doggie bags,
come home and take a pill.
We used to often travel
to places near and far.
Now we get sore asses
from riding in the car.
We used to go to nightclubs
and drink a little booze.
Now we stay home at night
and watch the evening news.
That, my friend is how life is,
and now my tale is told.
So, enjoy each day and live it up…
before you’re too damned old!
Bob t.
Lee Parks’ Total Control Advanced Riding Clinic comes to AZ January 29.– Gilbert Arizona — If you’re an experienced motorcyclist interested in improving your riding skills but are unwilling to take on the additional risks associated with the high-speed environment of a race track, you’re not alone. Based on his new book “Total Control” National Racing Champion Lee Parks’ first “Total Control Advanced Riding Clinic” (Total Control ARC) will be held on January 29th at T.E.A.M. Arizona’s rider training center in Gilbert, AZ.
The Total Control ARC fills the gap between the MSF’s Experienced RiderCourse (ERC) and a typical track day. Cornering technique is the primary focus of the clinic and the individual skills taught include; throttle control, throttle/brake transitions, corner entry, line selection, body position and corner exit. Depending on what type of bike you ride these techniques will vary slightly but all follow the same philosophical principals. The range portion of the training takes place in a large parking lot where each of the riding exercises are individually explained, demonstrated by an instructor, and practiced by each student. Working on only one skill at a time with constant instructor feedback creates the building blocks to consistent riding improvements. Each skill is built using small two-mph increments until the desired result is achieved. Typical corning speeds never exceed 30 mph and while this may seem slow, it feels very fast while cornering around a 40-foot circle. This learning technique allows for high rider confidence and is incredibly effective due to its ability to minimize fear as much as possible. Many sportbike riders learn how to drag their knees for the first time while cruiser and touring riders learn the secrets to maximizing ground clearance. All riders come away with specific measurable improvements in their riding skills and safety with a level of control previously unattainable.
All Total Control ARC skills are taught with their direct applications for street riding. In addition to the range portion of the class a practical classroom presentation on motorcycle suspension is included. Students learn how to analyze the effectiveness of their suspension and how to set it up for maximum control and comfort.
All students must provide their own bikes and have at least one year of riding experience. Protective gear is required for all students, which include a DOT-approved helmet (full-face recommended), motorcycle jacket and pants, gloves and boots that cover the ankles. Jeans and fingerless gloves are not allowed, but Kevlar jeans will be accepted. The cost for the eight-hour Total Control ARC is $295, which includes lunch and a workbook with explanations and examples of the techniques and concepts covered in the course. A $100 deposit guarantees your spot, with the balance payable two weeks before the start of the course. For questions or to secure a spot call Lee Parks at 760-220-5045. http://www.leeparksdesign.com
BAPTIST BRA–A man walked into the Women’s Department of Macy’sin New York City.
He told the saleslady “I would like a Baptist bra for my wife, size36B.”
With a quizzical look the saleslady asked? “What kind of bra?”
Herepeated “A Baptist Bra” – She said to tell you that she wanted aBaptist Bra, and that you would know what she wanted.”
“Ah, now I remember” said the saleslady. “We don’t get as manyrequests for them as we used to. Mostly ourcustomers lately want theCatholic bra, or the Salvation Army bra, or thePresbyterian type.”
Confused, and a little flustered, the man asked,”So, what are thedifferences?”
The lady responded. “It is allreally quite simple.
The Catholic type supports the masses. The Salvation Army lifts up thefallen, and the Presbyterian type keeps themstaunch and upright.”
He mused on that information for a minute, andasked, “So, what is theBaptist type for?”
They,” she replied, “make mountains out ofmolehills.”
Bra Sizes:Have you ever wondered why and how A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H arethe lettersused to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but couldn’tfigureout what the letters stood for, it is about timeyou became informed!
{A} Almost Boobs…
{B} Barely there…
{C} Can’t Complain!
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me- I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!
Chris T.
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