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THE RETROSEXUAL CODE–I’ve received this a half dozen time and finally read the whole damn thing. It aint’ bad–Bandit.
Please allow me to vent. I have had it. I’ve taken all I can standand I can’t stand no more. Every time my TV is on, all that can be seenis effeminate men prancing about, redecorating houses and talking aboutforeign concepts like “style” and “feng shui.” Heterosexual, homosexual,bisexual, transsexual, metrosexual, non-sexual; blue, green, andpurple-sexual – bogus definitions have taken over the urban and suburbanworld!
Real men of the world, stand up, scratch your balls, belch, and yell”ENOUGH!” I hereby announce the start of a new offensive in the CultureWars, the Retrosexual movement. ”
A Retrosexual man, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THEDATE.
A Retrosexual man opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones thatfit that term only because they are female.
A Retrosexual DEALS with IT, be it a flat tire, break-in into yourhome, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.
A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.
A Retrosexual doesn’t worry about living to be 90. It’s not howlong you live, but how well. If you’re 90 years old and still smoking cigarsand drinking, I salute you. If you are still having sex, you are a God.
A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman.Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need anendcap (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shaving goods.)
A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he’ 30 years old.
A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people)if need be. This falls under the “Dealing with IT” portion of The Code.
A Retrosexual watches no TV show with “Queer” in the title.
A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his houseon national TV.
A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manlinessfor women. Some is inevitable, but major reinvention of yourself will onlylead to you becoming a froo-froo little puss, and in the long run, she ain’tworth it.
A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for majormental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in afreak treechipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to adifferent city, favorite bird dog expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to see ashrink because Daddy didn’t pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALINGWITH IT. When you screwed up, he DEALT with you.
A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobedesigned to conceal himself from prey.
A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing atie — and ONLY a Windsor knot.
A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can bragabout getting.
A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can’thammer a nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can– or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you be.
A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your areriddled with fear, guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT.Plus it’s just plain fun to fire one off in the direction of those people or things that just need a little “wakin’ up”.
Crying. There are very few reason that a Retrosexual may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas.Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of releaseis swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual cancry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet(fish do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part, or loss ofmajor body part on your Chevy truck.
When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train,and a pregnant woman, heck, any woman gets on, that retrosexual stands up andoffers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-calledmen still in their seats with a disgusted “you punks” look on his face.
A Retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge properly, and with thecorrect emphasis and pronunciation. He also knows the words to the StarSpangled Banner
A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother donot understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that theyoffset the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engagedor in a serious healthy relationship – i.e., hunting, boxing, shot putting,shooting, cigars, car maintenance.
A Retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen utensils.
A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (hell, a blizzard) withoutsliding all over or driving under 20mph, without anxiety, and withouthigh-centering his ride in a snow bank.
A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where hewants. Wherever it lands is where he damn well wanted it to land. Excepton his truck–that would happen because of a “force of nature”, and then theretrosexual man’s options are to Cry, or to DEAL with IT, or do both.
A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any womenbut any elderly person or person in military dress (except 2nd Lt’s)NOTE:The person in military dress may turn down the offer but the Retrosexualman will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their country.
A Retrosexual man doesn’t need a contract — a handshake is goodenough. He will always stand by his word even if circumstances change orthe other person deceived him.
A Retrosexual man doesn’t immediately look to sue someone when hedoes something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes inthe process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT !
MISSOURI HELMET LAW REPEALED–JEFFERSON CITY, Mo. — Missourians who are old enough to legally drinkalcohol also could ride a motorcycle without a helmet under a bill passed bythe House. The bill repealing Missouri’s mandatory helmet law for those 21andolder now heads to the Senate.
Supporters say wearing a helmet should be a matter of personal choice, notlaw. Opponents say severe head injuries cost many other people throughhigherinsurance rates, free care provided by hospitals for some people withoutinsurance, and government expenditures to treat victims covered by MedicareandMedicaid.
The House approved the bill 96-43 on Thursday. Gov. Mel Carnahan vetoed asimilar bill in 1999. Other proposals have failed in the Legislature, beforeand after that. Not wearing a helmet now can result in a $25 fine.
SCREAMIN? EAGLE FLAT TRACK TEAM PRIMED FOR SPRINGFIELD–Team Looking Forward to Miles after Short Track Struggles.SAN FRANCISCO (May 2, 2004) – The Screamin? Eagle Performance Parts Racing team looks forward its return to the historic Springfield Mile as the AMA Progressive Insurance Flat Track Championship series heads for the famous track at the Illinois State Fairgrounds May 29-30. Screamin? Eagle rider Rich King won both Springfield Mile events in 2003 aboard a Harley-Davidson XR 750.
?We?ve had a tough start on two unusual short tracks this season,? said Screamin? Eagle Racing Manager Anne Paluso. ?I think you?ll see the Screamin? Eagle team get back on track when the series comes to Springfield, where we had our best results last year. We?ve got a rider who really knows his way around that track, and the team obviously has a good set-up for the XR 750 at Springfield.?
The Screamin? Eagle team had a disappointing outing at the inaugural Ricky Graham Memorial Indoor Short Track held at the Cow Palace in San Francisco. This was the first AMA Grand National event held on an indoor concrete surface, and it proved to be a challenge for many of the top riders in the series. The track was laid out in a football-shaped oval, and lap times were just over eight seconds, leaving little margin for error or time to recover from a mistake.
King fell victim to the slick surface in his first heat race, falling on lap two. He was quickly back up and managed to finish sixth. King then placed fifth in a semi-final heat after set up and tire changes were made to his bike. He rode hard from the back row, and made some aggressive passes, but failed to make the 16-rider field for the main.?Like many of the teams at the Cow Palace, we had some trouble with traction and tire selection,? said Paluso. ?This was a learning experience.?
Reigning Grand National champion Chris Carr rode his Quality Checked Pre-Owned Ford KTM to victory in a main even that was marred with crashes and required three re-starts to complete 30 laps.
DUCATI BASED BAD ASS SPORT CHOPPER– MotoCreations to premier new Ducati based Bad Ass Sport Chopperat the Performance Machine sponsored LA Calendar Motorcycle Show July 17-18thApril 30th, Los Angeles, CA – FastDates.com is excited to announce that designer and race car fabricator Mark Savory of MotoCreations.com based in Chandler, Arizona, will use the Los Angeles Calendar Motorcycle Show, held the July 17-18th 2004 weekend at the Queen Mary in Long Beach,CA, to premier in public his exciting new MotoCreations.com sport cruiser prototype bike based on Ducat’si venerable Monster with the new DS1000 engine.
Savory decided to start his new company MotoCreations.com to create the right type of bikes the market was missing. The new MotoCreations Ducati based Sport Cruiser concept bike offers that in spades, and potentially at a very affordable price should it be put into limited production by Savory or mass produced by a manufacturer like Ducati
You can see the world premier of the new MotoCreations Ducati based cruiser at the July 17-18th LA Calendar Motorcycle Show, along with many other sportbike attractions including the Jardine West Coast Horsepower Dyno Shootout, and The Las Vegas Extremes stunt riding team starring Pauly Sherer and beautiful JoJo Farmer. Complete information is available at http;//www.FastDates.com
THE BIKERNET STEALTH INVESTIGATION–It seems in life everything sooner or later comes to end. Jobs, marriages, relationships and friendships and good times. For one reason or another they come to an end and usually there are a lot of hard feelings at the end of a marriage or relationship.
The toughest of these is when a marriage ends or a relationship comes crashing to an end. I have been married twice, failed both times, and another relationship has just ended for me. With each failure, in this area, I take responsiblity for my part. Yeah, I admit I have been a son of a bitch, and I have been told at times that I am not the easiest person to be around. With that being said, I find myself in relationship HELL! It seems when a relationship ends you lose a part of yourself, and it’s gone forever. I don’t want this to sound like one of those advice columns you read in the news papers, but hopefully it will help someone out there. I know a lot of you have been through this. When a relationship ends, I try to learn from it, and yeah sometimes I have had to learn the hard way. I guess some of us are not meant to be in a lasting relationships, but we still continue to look for that special one. I have learned that with every good-bye there is anticipation of the next hello.
When I find myself in this situation, I try to focus on something I can count on to clear my mind. Right now I find myself staying focused on the 6th Annual Run For Breath “IN MEMORY OF JUSTIN PULLIN,” to be held here in Charlotte, July 25th. In the past getting on my bike and blasting down the highway has always helped see me through and clear my mind. It’s like a best friend, a true friend at times like these, it is there for you and never questions you as to why you’re faced with a mess again. If you have been there you know what I am talking about, “IF I HAVE TO EXPLAIN, YOU WOULDN”T UNDERSTAND!”
When a relationship starts to spin out of control there is no slowing it down and the end awaits.Things are said and not forgotten. Sides are choosen, and there’s no going back. If you do go back, the shit is always in the back of your mind. The scars that hurt the most, are the ones we never see. The scars inside, those are the worst. In time they fade but never really go away completely.
Another thing you learn at times like these are who your true brothers and friends are. I dare to say that most of us can count our true brothers and friends on one hand and have two or three fingers left over. You see at times like these, if you are not loyal, you are not a friend, PERIOD! You choose your side, and once you make that choice, you stick to your guns. If you ever go through this, it will surprise you to find out that who you thought had your back actually held a knife in their hand. Yeah, this is the worst kind of betrayal, and it takes a rat to do this and you should remember who the rats are, and in my case, there’s no forgetting. People have said that sometimes I wear my feelings on my sleeve, and I guess I do. If I like you, you will know real quick, and if I don’t, well, you get the picture. Maybe that sounds harsh, but at least I am true to myself. I wear the same face all the time. I don’t put a brilliant disguise on to please people. You learn a lot about people who were supposed to be friends at times like these. Fortunately Bandit, Sin Wu and the Bikernet crew has always been there for me.
Well I feel a little better after saying that, I hope I didn’t make anyone cry!Hey enough of this, I will be fine. It is time to go for a ride and find that next HELLO!
Later!
–Mike (THE STEALTH)
INTAKE SEAL SOLUTION–JAMES GASKETS has just introduced what may well be the ultimate INTAKE MANIFOLD SEAL ever produced for Harley-Davidson Big Twin Sportster and Buell motorcycles. Developed specifically for 1986 to present EVO, Twin Cam, Sportster, Buell Blast, XB9R/S and XB12 applications, these high tech seals are manufactured with a metal ring molded into the seal itself.
This design provides rigidity and a positive, leak free seal between the manifold and cylinder head port. The unique INTAKE SEALS work with stock and most aftermarket manifolds incorporating a manifold sleeve diameter of 1.800.”
JAMES GASKETS are available at finer motorcycle, parts and accessories dealers worldwide. Call 775-246-2220 for the location of a dealer near you or catch the full lineup at http:// www.jamesgaskets.com .
BIKERNET CONTEST WINNERS– From the free section we have:
ETHAN JONES from EVNASVILLE, INDIANA
Suggestion: MAKE A SECTION ON YOUR SITE FOR POOR FUCKERS LIKE ME THAT NEED TO PART TOGETHER A BIKE JUST TO KEEP MYSELF SANE.
Wanted: I JUST WANT A PROJECT TO WORK ON, THAT HAS ONLY THE PARTS I NEED TO GET IT GOING. I NEED THE WIND IN MY HAIR AND THE SUN IN MY FACE. I AM A POOR FUCK THAT IS GOING THROUGH A REALLY SHITTY TIME IN LIFE, AND I NEED SOMETHING TO KEEP MY HEAD ON STRAIGHT!
I really wish I could send this guy a bike, if that would help keep his head on straight. But, I can?t. What I can send is a Bikernet Hat to keep on his head.
FROM THE CANTINA CONTEST–
Travis Wasko from Pensacola , Florida
Wanted: Anything I can get and use for FREE!!!
He gets an Indian Larry t-shirt and a Big Jugz cup cooler. He can use that to keep his beer cold.
I have a couple more Indian Larry t-shirts to give away. ENTER THE CONTEST!!
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