Whatta week? I discovered that my recent report that motorcycle accidents and deaths had skyrocketed over the last five year was bullshit. You’ll see the facts below. The King is torn to shreds in the Bikernet garage and we shipped brackets, covers, trim, fork legs and the nacelle covers to Custom Powder Coating for the heavy black finish.
It was good to be in Cincy and see the guys and a few girls I use to hang with. I’ll be reporting on the scene in American Rider. Watch as we change this mag to be something all the bros can be proud of. Let’s get to the news. Sin is starting a fire in the fireplace and her cute little ass is pointed in my direction…
NEW FROM JOKER MACHINE—At last, the dash that everyone’s beenwaiting for! Fully CNC machined to perfection from a 1 1/2″ thick x 20″ longplank of solid billet aluminum, this piece gives your 2000-up model softaila unique “Road King” type look due to it’s one piece construction.Eliminates the plastic or leather lower dash that comes stock on your bike.Mounts easily and securely to the top of your standard console in minutes.These babies really clean up the look of your tank. They feature our topquality chrome plating throughout. (Shown above with our new JOKER-FLAMEengraving). Dashes are available in smooth and ball-mill also.
Introducing the “Low Brow” mirror. Features shapely CNC machiningfrom a solid block and truly represents itself as a sleek design statementfor those who want optimal mirror size (without sacrificing looks!) Thismirror gives you the image you’re looking for! They are Fully chrome platedand feature our famous 1 piece design.
MONDAY EVENING–Tired.
Antsy. Just enuf side effects to put me on edge.
Pace the kitchen. Stare out the windows.
The stars are out…….no moon.
Dark.
Cold………..but not too cold.
One of those mind-numbing weekly Hollywood shows is on the tube. “Extra”……….I think.
The other inhabitant of the residence stares at the tube…………..transfixed. There is the low sound of gray matter slowly being sucked away.
Into the tube.
I back away………….
What to do…………what to do.
8 pm and the program changes………
Oh, snit! Dr. Phil!
A husband and wife are screaming at each other while their small children watch. (And just who the hell is running the camera?) Dr. Phil is determined to help. These people had been on the show before. A small girl is yelling at the parents to stop………I think. All hell is breaking loose.
In the background, barely audible, ……………the low sucking sound continues.
Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Something breaks. Pushed over the edge, I have to leave.
(Time to put the electric clothing to the test.)
I announce………. “I am going for a ride”.
The other resident slowly turns and stares.
I get …………..”the look”. Disbelief………..I think. There is a distant look to the eyes. But not a word is uttered.
Downstairs. Boots, chaps, jacket liner, jacket.
Garage. The beast is waiting there……….silently.
I roll it out……….of the garage. It lights! And settles into a steady idle.
Hah! I think I will go blow by Scott’s place and show him what real men (fools) are made of!
Helmet. Gloves.
I mount the beast and plug in.
The electrical plug……….you fools!
I hit the switch and shortly feel the warmth radiating into my body.
Oooohhhhh! The beast and I are……….becoming one.
I’m off! Some fog……….Man, it is black out here!
I make my way down the hill. (Now where does the road turn?)
Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.
But at least I am warm.
North on Hart. To the stop sign on 93rd. Across the road, there is Scott’s place……..he must have heard me coming.
I sit there for a moment.
What’s that?
Even over the sound of the beast…………There! That low sucking sound!
My God! Scott is in there with Dr. Phil!
“Scott! Make a break for it man!”
No response.
Just the low sucking sound. I am too late; there is no sign of life.
Right on 93rd. I wind out in first and second. Maybe it will shake him loose of the trance.
The windshield fogs up…..I can only see the road maybe 25 feet ahead of me.
Right on Old 99, past the barn. Left on Waldrick and on into the forest. Man……it is really black out here!
But the beast has a good headlight and we penetrate the black.
Together……………but alone.
Right on Offut Lake Road. Careful here, kinda twisty windy and the houses are well off the road.
Just think of all those people in their nice toasty houses…………
Past the lake, past Wolf Haven. That will give them something to howl about!
Back to Old 99…………Which way? Which way?
I feel the need!…………….the need for speed! (Not very original……….and I don’t even remotely look like Tom.)
So, north on 99 to McCorkle. Man………ink is brighter than this stretch of road! With the twisty windies too!
Halfway……….the turn onto the straight stretch is bathed in fog. Great!
Good thing I got forward controls on this thing! I can stretch out my toes and feel my way!
Up and over the hill to Tilley Road. For speed I gotta get to I-5. So left down Tilley toward Millersylvania State Park.
Right before the park the front tire wants to slide to the left. With the fogged windshield, I had seen nothing………
Just as my heart falls back into place………it does it again!
Holy snit! Something in the road back there.
Just trust the bike, Chuck!
I hang a right and head toward Maytown. I slow to 25 as I approach the Maytown Tavern.
Hey! Why not? After that little incident a minute ago……….
Nah! I pass the tavern. Two pickup trucks and a car and………………..is that a low sucking sound I hear?
Undoubtedly some kind of sucking going on!
I hit the circular on-ramp to I-5. A quik look confirms I don’t have to merge close to another vehicle.
Up thru the gears!………..50……….60…………70…………80………..the beast wants to run!
I hold a steady 80 …………until common sense kicks in and I slow to ……………70. Only a few miles to the 93rd exit.
Right on 93rd. Think I will blow by Scott’s again.
I pass Tilley and decelerate to the turn onto Hart……..shaking the few remaining leaves off the trees in the process.
I don’t even need to look. There it is again…………..that low sucking sound ………….coming from Scott’s place.
Sadly, I go on.
South on Hart and back up the hill to home.
The beast obediently shuts down for the night.
Upstairs. The tube is still blaring away. And there………. lying on the couch ………..is the other inhabitant of the household…………unmoving………sucked dry!
“I hate you, Dr. Phil!”
She’s in the center.
TARA WANTS TO POSE WITH HER MAN’S SCOOTER–Hi, Sorry I don’t mean to be a pest, whenever you have time! I don’t haveany pictures of his bike on the computer. He also does custom flamepainting, I’ll attach a picture of a truck he flamed.
–Tara
MEANINGS FROM THE BIKERNET DICTIONARY–Once upon a time, in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. As a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth.
One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down, also knocking the snake about quite a bit.
“Oh, my,” said the bunny. “I’m terribly sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. You see, I’ve been blind since birth, so I can’t see where I’m going, and, in fact, since I’m also an orphan, I don’t even know what I am.”
“Quite okay,” replied the snake. “Actually, my story is much the same as yours, as I am also blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could kinda slither over you, and figure out what you are, so at least you’ll have that going for you.”
“Oh, that would be wonderful,” said the bunny.So the snake slithered allover the bunny, and said, “Well, you’re covered with soft fur, and you have really long ears, and your nose twitches, and you have a soft cottony tail. I’d say that you must be a bunny.”
“Oh, thank you! Thank you!” cried the bunny in obvious excitement. “Maybe I could feel you with my paw, and help you the same way you’ve helped me.”
So the bunny felt the snake all over, and said, “Well, you’re scaly and slimy, and you have a forked tongue and no balls. I’d say you must be a lawyer.”
–from Al Friedman
RARE BANDIT BELT BUCKLE–Revealed in the Digital Discovery area of Bandit’s Cantina. Join the Cantina and find out more about how he made these buckles by hand. Each one is different and only a few exist.
By supporting the Cantina, you support all the content of Bikernet. Keeps us on the run.
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