December 12, 2002 Part 3

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–NEW RAMPS, OZARK LOVE, NEW MUSEUM AND SPECIAL TOY RUN

Continued From Page 2

BIKETOW FOR TRAILERLESS TRAILERING–Every now and then something comes along that really does work. I think this is one of those times. Our product “BIKETOW” will allow you to tow your motorcycles without using a trailer. Just think you will not have to go and hook up a trailer to pick up a motorcycle.

BIKETOW is simple to use and easy to store, fits any 2″ class (3) receiver. Built sturdy, tow your motorcycle any where, no trailer to park or store when you get to where you are going. Now you can tow your motorcycle with the family car. You do not have to own a truck. BIKETOW has a lifetime limited warranty. Six years of R&D.Please add this to your “NEW PRODUCT” section of your publication. Thank you for your time.

Please call or email me with any questions.
602-725-6325 805-895-9246
purvisenterprises@msn.com www.biketow.com

This product was official sanctioned by Jose.

kids with santa

Remember the ascerbic Flynch from HORSE’s early days. He wrote hard and fast, but was capable of beautiful children.

EXCEPTIONAL CHILDRENS FOUNDATION REPORT, A BIKERNET CHARITY–Greetings…Tiny Brower and his friends have organized a toy drive for the toddlers at ECF’s Early Start program in Arleta (at Terra Bella and Canterbury). Knowing there are tons of toy runs, anything you, you family and friends can do to help our kids is truly appreciated.

We need educational toys (new and unwrapped) rather than stuffed toys. Playdoh, sketch and coloring books, building blocks, etc…all these help with the kids’ development. Micah’s shop, Micah McCloskey’s Custom Motorcycles is one of the drop-off points and the ECF-Arleta Toy Drive box will be there until Saturday 12/14. Thanks so much for sharing and caring.

Carmela Anne Burke, MPA
Director of Development and Communications
(310) 845-8060

HARLEY HISTORY IN PICKERINGTON– Wednesday December 4, 2002, The Motorcycle Hall of Fame Museum, located on thecampus of the American Motorcyclist Association (AMA) in Pickerington, Ohio, hasannounced plans for “Heroes of Harley-Davidson, presented by Progressive Motorcycle Insurance,” anexpansive new exhibit scheduled to run from February 2003 to December 2004.

The 8,100 sq. ft. installation, the largest ever inthe museum’s 12-year history, will chronicle a century of Harley-Davidson people, personalities andproducts that transformed the company into a billion-dollar success story. Twenty-two exhibitareas are scheduled to include displays of the bikes, photographs, biographies, and rare artifacts thattrace the company from its1903 backyard shed to its Buell XB9R.

To celebrate the opening of the exhibit, theMotorcycle Hall of Fame is planning a number of special events and activities, including an exclusivecharity preview to be held on March 4, 2003, during Daytona Bike Week. For more information regarding the exhibit or theMotorcycle Hall of Fame Museum, call (614) 856-2222, or visit the Museum’s Web site atwww.motorcyclemuseum.org .

–from Buzz Buzzelli, editorAMERICAN RIDER

LITTLE SOMETHING FROM MA AND PA–Ma and Pa are sitting on the front porch swing, rocking.Pa says to Ma, “Screw you, Ma.”

A minute goes by, and Ma says to Pa, “Screw you, Pa.”

Again, a minute goes by, and Pa says to Ma, “Screw you, Ma.”

Another minute goes by, and Ma says to Pa, “Screw you, Pa.”

Yet another minute goes by, and Pa says to Ma, “Screw you, Ma.”

A minute later, Ma says to Pa, “Screw you, Pa.”

A couple of minutes go by, and Pa says to Ma, “I don’t know about you, Ma,but I just don’t get too much out of this oral sex stuff!”

–from Rogue

pinochio

INTERNATIONAL SUPERMOTARD RACE PLANNED FOR 2003 LOS ANGLES CALENDAR MOTORCYCLE SHOW WEEKEND–Dec 9th: FastDates.com and Corona Extra Suzuki were excited to announcethis past weekend at the Cycle World International Show in Long Beachtheir plans to feature an International caliber SuperMotard race weekendin conjunction with the Los Angeles Calendar Motorcycle Show on July19-20th, 2003 at the Queen Mary Event Park in Long BeachOn display in the large FastDates.com Calendar feature exhibit at theCycle World Show with top calendar bikes and the beautiful calendarmodels was the new FastDates.com sponsored Corona Extra Suzuki DR400supermotard bike which former AMA National Motocross Champion JeanMichelle Bayle will possibly be racing at selected international eventsin 2003, including the Los Angeles Calendar Motorcycle Show weekend.Bayle was in Los Angeles this past weekend to test and set up the bikewith the Corona Extra team at the Streets of Willow Springs Raceway,where on the asphalt road course Bayle was turning laps times on theroadrace tire equipped 400c single cylinder dirt bike that bested thosebeing turned by a pro licensed racer on a latest 600cc Supersport bike.

Why do men break wind more than women? Because women can’t shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

–from Rogue

BIKERNET OZARK REPORT–Thought I’d bring you up to date on shit out here. It’s been sorta boring with the cold weather and all but there’s been a few riding days. My bike hasn’t been charging, and I finally found that the stator plug had melted rubber, breaking the connection. That new battery was a waste, as was the time to replace the regulator. It was a used one that I had around the shop. Glad I saved it and the one I just took off.

Bald headed Patrick bought a new independence hardtail bike and there was a toy run this Saturday. I don’t like riding in those amateur parades but he talked me into it. I knew big tall Roger, Titty bar Mike, and Phillip would be there so I agreed. It was lining up at Rodneys shop so I knew Skitzo would be there. Well, Bald headed Patrick came over about 10 a.m. and my kid’s husband showed up. We rode over to the shop and when I got there, there was 8 miles of bikes. I knew a lot of the people there but I was hung over and I went in the back office of Rodneys to hide.

I drank a few beers and started to feel better. About the time I was really feeling good, Juvee girl shows up. I’ve been dodging her and I haven’t seen her in a week or two. My girl wasn’t with me and because Phillip’s girl works at Rodneys, she came in the back to hide too. She didn’t know I was there. She was just avoiding all the hard dicks that were trying to get her to ride with them. She looked great with that hair all done and dressed to kill. I forgot just how cute she is. She had been wearing only wash and wear with me, because she knew I was gonna mess her up anyway. No makeup and shit like that. Anyway, when I saw her, I started to remember how much fun we had together, and I asked her to ride with me. We waited for the parade to go ahead, and then we left. I stopped at the liquor store and got her a bottle of that vanilla vodka she loves. Then we went to the park where they were collecting toys.

Everyone I know saw her on my bike and they were saying shit about it. I was planning to go to the after party with my girl, but I knew that if I showed up with her everyone would bust me out with the juvenile. I told my girl that I was sick from the bar-b-q and didn’t feel like going out at all. She was pissed but I had to keep her away.

Titty bar Mike called me Sunday and gave me shit and told me everyone at his bar was talking about me and juvee girl. I now have to find each and every one and threaten them about saying something to my girl. I have had two public incidents with that girl and my girl is losing her understanding nature with regards to her. It will be extremely ugly if she finds this out. I called the juvenile this morning, and she said she was at Miss Kitty’s Saturday night and everyone gave her shit about me. If I had been there, my girl would have beat her ass then turned on me. I can’t afford that. don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I wouldn’t want two fine bitches fighting over me at the titty bar. That would be fun ,and I would be the man for years to come with the bros, but my girl is a horrible bitch. It would not be worth it. I need my girl to be happy. I can’t afford to move so I’m stuck with whatever shit she would throw at me. How long would winter be then, stuck in the house with a mean bitch that’s pissed? I’ll be kissing her ass for a week or two just in case she finds out. I told her yesterday that I just wanted to be with her, and let’s turn off the phone and hide from the world. She loved the idea and we hid in the back of the house and didn’t answer the phone. She felt special and I felt safe, at least for yesterday.

I sure wish I had a big brain. I would try to use it for something productive.

–Ozark Ed

Even guys with enormous brains are lured to another woman from time to time. It’s natural, but an explosion if the other woman ever finds out. Life is strange.

TRUE STORY–An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

–from CarlR

loading bike

READY RAMPS FOR LOADING BIKES–Also included is one picture of what not to do when loading a Harleyonto a truck. Although it’s strong enough for H-D’s, big bikes needmore than one person to load and unload, and it should be handled where theramp can be as flat as possible. I unloaded a full dresser at Daytonaonce by backing up to a grocery store loading dock–whatever it takes tokeep it safe.

Cord Bauer
ReadyRamp

Q: What do you say to a sorority girl that won’t give in?
A: “Have another beer.”

–from Rogue

PACK ‘EM IN–Let’s curl up by a fire and warm our sorry asses. I’ve given Jose’s writing some thought. It’s reminiscent of lots of HORSE writings from the past. I’ve been pondering whether I would walk the splintered plank, winch myself out on a limb and slam the soap box with my own thoughts. Ah bullshit, who need ’em?

I’m an all-consumed romantic. I don’t give a hot tostada who rides what, with whom for how long. Some complain about newbies, with their new rides and new sense of authority in a sport they’ve only enjoyed for a year or less. I use to ride with people who fucked-up or stabbed anyone got in their way. Which would you perfer to run into at the local bar?

I have a fear, though, that involves us all, newbie or old school. In 22 years there will be 63 million more folks in the US (there’s 288 million now). There will be 30 million new stucco homes built and at the rate were going we’re losing 2 million acreas of land a year. I could see the growth, the looming franchise stores and fast food joints as I rode through Arizona recently. It’s already treacherous to ride across town. I hate the thought of iron cages crowed all the way to Phoenix. Hang on.

Ride Forever,

Bandit

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