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DUCT TAPE–A few weeks ago I asked for your best duct tape stories. I showed a pic of how Bandit used it for medical purposes and here?s one response I got. I can?t believe that with all the people reading the news weekly, Lochness is the only genius that had the sense to solve a few dilemmas with duct tape. C?mon, there?s got to be a few more geniuses out there. Let?s have your duct tape stories and by all means, include photos if you got ?em. Submit them to sinwu@bikernet.com
Layla
I remember one time before I had a carb support bracket made, my shovel wasn’t starting or idling right. After hours of scratching my head, I realized the manifold was slipping ever so slightly towards the ground. Not enough to see visually but enough so the bike wouldn’t start or idle. I had a friend hold the carb up while I kicked it over, and kicked and kicked and kicked. Once I got it started, I had to hold the carb up with my left hand so it wouldn’t start slipping down and stall. I remember riding home trying to get through the gears as fast as I could so I could take my left hand off the clutch and use it to hold the carb up. Man that was an experience riding home holding the carb. I got some weird stares that day. I finally got home and used duct tape to hold the carb by taping the carb to the gas tank. I rode to the bike shop and had them make a bracket out of scrap metal.
Another time I went to my local shop to pick up some 15″ apes, risers and a taillight for another bike I?m working on. I also had to pick up oil and a filter. It didn’t occur to me that I wouldn’t be able to fit all that shit in my bag until I got ready to leave. I crammed the oil, risers and light in my bag and sat in the parking lot cussing and contemplating how the fuck I was gonna get those apes home. I ain?t got a car or truck so that wasn’t a option. After a couple a minutes, I crushed out my smoke and grabbed a roll a duct tape from a mechanics tool cart and taped those apes to my forks. Bingo, they made it home, no problemo.
I even once used duct tape to seal a deep puncture wound on my ankle too. My buddy and I were doing some serious drinking and he was throwing empties at a wall and a piece of glass Ricochet off the wall about ten feet from me and went clear through my jeans and into my ankle. When I pulled the glass out, blood started flowing real quick like. Anyway, the tape stopped the bleeding. I changed it daily and it eventually healed fine.
Lochness
VIAGRA COFFEE– This elderly lady went to the doctor for a checkup. Everything checked out fine.
The old lady pulled the doctor to the side and said, “Doctor, I haven’t had sex for years now, and I was wondering how I can increase my husband’s sex drive.”
The doctor smiled and said, “Have you tried to give him Viagra?”
The lady frowned. “Doctor, I can’t even get him to take aspirin when he has a headache,” she claimed.
“Well,” the doctor continued, “let me suggest something. Crush the Viagra into a powder. When you are giving him coffee, stir it into the coffee and serve it. He won’t notice a thing.”
The old lady was delighted. She left the doctor’s office quickly.
Weeks later the old lady returned. She was frowning and the doctor asked her what was wrong. She shook her head.
“How did it go?” the doctor asked.
“Terribly, doctor, terribly.”
“Did it not work?”
“Yes,” the old lady said, “It worked. I did as you said and he got up and ripped his clothes off right then and there and we made mad love on the table. It was the best sex that I’d had in 25 years.”
“Then what is the problem, ma’am?”
“Well,” she said. “I can’t ever show my face in McDonald’s again.”
–from Miss Kriss
MIDDLE-EASTERN MEDICAL STUDENTS–I just read some of the postings about the medical students from themiddle east that were jacked-up in Florida as a result of running theiryaps in a restaurant. If it’s true that they were trying to sound liketerrorists as a joke on other patrons at the restaurant, it sounds like itbackfired on em. It’s lucky I wasn’t there if that’s the case.
I’ll tell you a story of a similar situation that happened to me at theheight of the Iranian Hostage Crisis in 1980. As most of you know, therewas a lot of hate towards Iranians in the U.S. I was mad about whatthey were doing to American hostages and I even organized a “Komen CarBash” – an event where you donated money to see the sledgehammer fly.
Anyway, I was eating lunch at a House of Pancakes in Garden Grove, when Inoticed three Iranians sitting at another table by me. After awhile, notignoring the fact that they were laughing and having a good time, itstarted to get to me that they were in the U.S., safe and sound, whilemany American citizens were being held hostage in their country. Being anasshole that I can sometime be, I walked over to their table – when I didthis, the whole restaurant went quiet like an E.F.Hutton commercial. Ilooked down at them and said, “are you Iranians?” (Kinda loud) After some nervous squirming one said, “No, we’re French!”
I said, “Fuck you,you speak Iranian, look Iranian, and are reading an Iranian newspaper, youlying fucking punks, how about we fuckin go outside right now and I’llkick all your fuckin’ asses?”
After not getting the invitation answered oraccepted, I said, “Just what I thought, a bunch of fuckin cowards – justlike Khomeni.” I went back to my table and ate lunch. The next day I wentback there and the waitress said, “You were right, they are Iranian, theycome in here often.”
I look back and think I was out of line when I did that, and withoutprovocation. I probably wouldn’t do that now, but the Americans theykidnapped didn’t provoke anybody, did they?
Now we have today’s terrorism and the same feelings towards somemiddle-eastern people. I know that if I was in that restaurant and heardmiddle easterners joking it up about terrorism in today’s climate, Iprobably would’ve kicked some ass and not called the police, but that’s me.
-Rusty HAMC-BHC
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH–Yes I?m back with my countdown to chaos. Only 90 days till Christmas and you?ve got to started on your holiday shopping. Perhaps you?d rather have a spanking instead? Well me too but for now I?m talking about the Gulch and the Cantina.
Where else can you read an on-going drama with sex, violence, drinking, motorcycles and more sex? I don?t know either but I do know you can get it in the Cantina. A Babe a Day, Digital Discovery, and K. Randall Ball?s books in their entirety among other things fill the Cantina for good action-packed reading while your cruising the Internet instead of working.
Only a few more days left with the reduced price of $15.00 per year and then it goes back up to $20. Don?t wait – DO IT NOW!
And now for my Gulch plug?
“VISIT BIKERNET GULCH FOR ALL YOUR BIKE NEEDS”
SELECT A SHOP ABOVE
OR SIMPLY CLICK HERE!
FOR EVEN MORE SELECTIONS!
Shirts, Books, Art Prints and more make it easy for gift giving this year. We have leather products and Local 81/Crime Inc. shirts, hats and sweatshirt too. Anything you could possibly need for the biker in your life is right here in the Gulch.
So you say you need parts? Well we have those too. Look for Parts Direct banners for discount parts or click on the Chrome Specialties building in the Gulch for their complete catalog.
It doesn?t get any easier than that. No more hassles of driving, finding a place to park or waiting in line. Shop online and simplify your life. Hey guys, cruise through the Gulch and make a list for your ladies. You?ll save her lottsa time by showing her exactly what you want, where you want. While your looking, you?re sure to check out the cute little thong and panty sets, or a cool woman?s shirt from Joker that would look great on your lady.
Now, about that spanking, who?s first?
Sin
HARLEY-DAVIDSON HAS ITS CENTENIAL CELEBRATION IN THE BAG–MILWAUKEE, July 17, 2002 – Premium leather, plenty of storage and a century?s worth of design experience make Harley-Davidson?s 100th Anniversary Saddlebag Collection the perfect long-haul companion for 100th Anniversary Dyna and Softail models.
The 100th Anniversary Leather Saddlebags for Dyna Models (P/N 91617-03) has a clean, angular design that complements the smooth lines of the Dyna. Featuring an all-new design that is enhanced by the commemorative 100th Anniversary logo, the saddlebags offer ample amounts of both storage and style. The bags fit ?02 and later Dyna models (except FXDWG) and have a suggested U.S. retail of $649. They do require Turn Signal Relocation Kit P/N 68732-02 for domestic and P/N 68733-02 for international vehicles.
The 100th Anniversary Leather Saddlebags for Dyna Wide Glide (P/N 91622-03) offer the perfect blend of street attitude and practicality. Styled to accent the sweeping bobtail fender of the Wide Glide, these bags are as roomy as they are cool. Featuring the official 100th Anniversary cast logo, these bags fit ?02 and later FXDWG models and require the separate purchase of Turn Signal Relocation Kit P/N 68734-02 for domestic and P/N 68735-02 for international vehicles. Suggested U.S. retail is $649.
The 100th Anniversary Locking Leather Covered Rigid Saddlebags for Softail (P/N 92015-03) feature locks with push-button operation for added security. The premium look of leather is enhanced by an extra durable construction. The blow-molded core prevents the bag from sagging and the lids open outward for added distinction. The prismatic 100th Anniversary logo is prominently displayed on the bags, which have a suggested U.S. retail of $859. The bags fit ?00 and later Softail models (except FXSTD) and also work with 84-99 Softail models with the separate purchase of Directional Relocation Kit P/N 53692-96 (FLSTC and FLSTS models do not require this kit).
The 100th Anniversary Leather Saddlebags for Softail Deuce (P/N 92018-03) feature an ingenious mounting system that eliminates visible hardware when the bags are removed. With styling as contemporary as the Deuce itself, the strong lines of the bag accentuate the curve of the Deuce?s fender and the 100th Anniversary logo adds a final distinctive touch. The bags fit ?00 and later FXSTD models and have a suggested U.S. retail of $629. For proper installation, the bags require Saddlebag Support Kit P/N 68360-00 and Directional Relocation Kit P/N 90395-00.
For additional information on the 100th Anniversary Saddlebag Collection and other Harley-Davidson Genuine Motor Parts and Genuine Motor Accessories, see your local Harley-Davidson dealer or visit the Harley-Davidson web site at www.harley-davidson.com. To find a dealer near you, call toll free 1-800-443-2153 in the U.S.A. or Canada.
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