I recently completed writing an editorial for Cruising Rider on The Code Of The West. At the top of the list for all man kind should be freedom of the road and sex. If the world learned the code we wouldn’t have all these hate and religious crimes to deal with.
There’s not much more I have to babble on about or needs to be said. I get an occasional complaint about the level of sex mentioned on the site. No, I’m not Hugh Hefner, nor do I want to be, but we have the freedom to have sex after breakfast, work on motorcycles whenever we feel the urge and can ride most anytime. Life couldn’t be much better. So, what’s there to complain about?
I just got a call that Hollister was canceled due to club wars. I’ll wait for Wino Joe to confirm. As you’ll see in the news there’s other reports on Hollister. Let’s get to it:
WHAT’S A CAMEL TOE?– Hell, I don’t have the slightest, but this question came with some fantastic images. I can’t imagine what a camel has to do with a woman’s body. Here’s a couple of the images:
BIKERNET MEDICAL STUDY–A man goes to the optometrist. The doctor tells him, “You MUST stopmasturbating.”
“Why?” the man asks, “Will it make me go blind?”
“No,” the doctor replies, “but its upsetting the other patients in thewaiting room!”
–from Buckshot
BIKERNET DESERT REPORT– Well I finished my “Prison Term” in the desert last week. It was Africa hot in Phoenix, Arizona!! Buell school went well. Doug Fitzerald was the instructor from MMI. Doug is a Buell rider and racer. He was very helpful with all the latest info on the Buell Firebolt.
We had a really good group of people there for this class. All Buell enthusiasts. I think this is a key element in Buell’s success with the Firebolt. We the mechanics and the H-D/Buell dealers need to provide an added effort and support to the Buell customer. I feel this has been lacking at some dealerships.
The Firebolt like the V-Rod are pretty much a new type of motorcycle compared to the regular H-D models. They are also new to dealers and the H-D mechanics who work on them. Maintaining the V-rod and the new Firebolt is easier in some respects and more difficult than the standard models in other respects. For anybody who has had to work on foreign sport bikes will have a leg up.
Remember all that training and work you did on foreign bikes back in school at MMI. Remember wondering why are we doing this Jap shit?? Well for those who can remember that training, you will be glad you stuck it out at MMI. That background will serve you well while working on the Firebolt and the V-rod.
For the “Old School” people you will be frustrated at first. There will be “Why the fuck did they do this”, “What the hell is this”, and “You got to be kidding”!!! Repetition and patience will make the transition easier down the road.
Hey to me changing a belt or putting on a rear tire on a Firebolt is a hell of alot better than putting on chrome front disk rotor and caliper covers on a new “Bagger”!!! Many of the accessories in that H-D P & A catalog make me cringe every time someone orders them.
The good thing about working on the Firebolt for whatever the reason will be the test ride afterwards. They just handle so damn well.
–Paul
BIKERNET INSIDER REPORT FROM QUEEN MARY SHOW–Are my services needed this year or will you be having BANDIT do it?
Brenda Fox
The following is a response from the founder of the LA Calendar Show, Jim Gianatsis.
Dear Brenda,
I certainly would like to continue with your help again at this year’s LA Calendar Bike Show as MC / Hostess / Stage coordinator for both days.
Bandit is our token “sexy male model / biker dude” for the event, and as such, he will need a strong and forceful female role model (aka dominatrix) to look after him and have him on stage just a couple times each day for things like the Calendar girl Introduction and a Celebrity Interview, Calendar Girl Contest and Sunday’s Bike Contest trophy presentation.
We’d also like to get Hot Bike editor Howard Kelly up on stage for an interview and to plug his magazine, possibly on Saturday at 5pm if he is at the Show then, and certainly on Sunday at 4 pm for the Bike Contest trophy presentation and photos with the Hot Bike Best of Show trophy presentation.
Everyone is invited to check out the Bike Show Event Schedule I’ve posted on our website at Best regards. Yes sir, anything you say Captain–Bandit BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT–Back from Myrtle Beach, and here’s my report . It sucks. I mean, we had agreat time with our friends from Lynn, P.O.W Dave and Kevin da Leader,Crazy Horse and Edge from the HORSE mag, but we found MB to be a weirdplace for a rally. There is no hub, or heart if you prefer. When we visitDaytona we know that something is going on between Main and Beach St. or inSturgis, Main and Lazelle, but not here. Besides having to roll for toomany miles to get from one place to another, and in boring tourist traproads, everything was spread apart. If you wanted to go visit some vendorsand say hi, there was not enough time on the day to drive the distance (ifyou could find them) Although it seems like a place to go party, dozens ofstrip joints and bars were all over the place, including the tourist traptheme stuff ala Hard Rock and House of Blues. Anyway, who the hell wants toride 40 miles to get hammered and ride 40 more to get back, praying thatthe cops won’t pull you over, or worse, get in an accident.The police seemed to be in full force, even FBI special ops. Whilehanging out at the bars we could see dozens of cops with infra red binoculars (checking the blatant display of tits of course), but I reallydon’t know what they were so worried about. The fewpolice that we got to talk to were polite and helpful.Brownie points to the South Carolina police. All in all we had a great time dissecting bikes and builders, paint jobsand breast sizes. Lucky for us we were in our Dually chopper, ’causesaturday it started raining and it got polar bear ass cold, (at least forour tropical skins).BTW here’s a photo of our trusty ride for the week, yep, black andlong,,,,It’s a Chevy Chopper…. And let’s not even talk about the traffic jam getting out of there Sunday,that’s when we noticed the acclaimed 200,000 bikers in town.But it wasn’t all bad, we had fun hanging out with friends who we seldomsee. I loved the new signs though…..No Colors, No Weapons, NoSupport Shirts ??? What else ? No titties under C cup , no people namedAngel, no red bikes ? Paranoia will destroy ya’ like the song says. Anyway, I would recommend the organizers (if they read this) to get theiract together and create a more compact headquarters location. If the riding was superb like in the Black Hillsyou can get away with that, but not on the boring Myrtle Beach roads. Edge from the Horse was talking about the SMSO, that will be a cool assparty, many bands, mayhem and a Chopper will bebuilt at the three day event, plus a lot of your regular Bikernet and TheHorse staff will be there. It’s from July 26 to 28th in Salisbury (yeap like the steak) NorthCarolina, or check the Horse web site for more info. Our friend and fellow Bourget’s distributor Steve Zammit from Long Islandcalled us cause he got his trailer stolen and six Bourgets inside, thetruck and trailer were found in Queens, but no bikes. I will have thedescription and Vins on the bikes next week.If you happen to know anything, shoot an e-mail there might be a reward orknuckle sandwich galore….Jose@ChopperFreak.com Thanks. Time to go , we have lots of work to catch up to, the price ofplay, and we are getting so near Sturgis it’s not even funny. Thank God we love this shit,…..Choppers Rule ! –Jose, Caribbean Bikernet comedy report. THE BIKERNET MARRIAGE COUNSELOR– One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, “My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor.” “Listen, you don’t have to spend that kind of money,” Mike replies. “There’s a diagnostic computer at the drugstore at the corner.Just give it a urine sample and the computer’ll tell you what’s wrongand what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars…a hell of a lot cheaper than a doctor.” So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to thedrugstore. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up andasks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot andwaits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was,Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixedsome tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples fromhis wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for goodmeasure. Jack hurries back to the drugstore, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits theresults. The computer prints the following: 1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. 2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. 3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab. 4. Your wife is pregnant…twin girls. They aren’t yours. Get a lawyer. 5. If you don’t stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better
Jim Gianatsis, Director
Los Angeles Calendar Motorcycle Show
ph 818.223.8550
fx 818.223.8590
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