March 8, 2001 Part 4

Continued From Page 3

SNEAK PEAK AT NEXT HORSE COVER–You saw it here first, the next cover for The Mighty Horse magazine. Watch for it on a newsstand near you… And don’t forget to read Bandit’s shit in it. It will singe your hair and cure any virus you may have.

VAMPIRE BAT–Vampire BatA vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered infresh blood,and parked himself on the ceiling of the cave to get somesleep.Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and startedhasslinghim about where he got it. He told them to piss off and lethim get somesleep.However, they persisted until he finally gave in. “Okay,follow me,” hesaid as he flapped out of the cave with hundreds of batsbehind him.Down through a valley they went, across a river and intoaforest of trees.

Finally he slowed and all the other bats excitedly milledaround him.”Now, do you see that tree over there?” he asked.

“YES, YES, YES!” all the other bats screamed in a frenzy.

“GOOD,” shouted the bat, “BECAUSE I FUCKING DIDN’T.”

ULTRA MOTORCYCLE CO. SETTLES– Lawsuit With Mull Acres Invmts.Ultra Motorcycle announced that it settled litigation filed by Mull Acres Invmts. The litigation arose out of a series of events dating back to UMC’s January ’97 purchase of the motorcycle manufacturing assets of Mull Acres, then doing business as Ultra Kustom Cycles. Among other things, Mull Acres will recover nothing from UMC.

HERE’S OUR “Mailman” back in the summer of ’95 with his homemade motorcycle trailer. He still uses it, even towed it clear to Palmdale one year behind the van but the new Wells Cargo has solved that problem. He just didn’t like the idea that racin’ his motorcycle meant ridin’ in a cage to get there.

–Helen Wolfe

ARE YOU AWARE OF THE SHIT– going on over at Excelsior-Henderson? I own a ’99 Super X – You’ve ridden one, it’s a great bike. Well, you know they sold about 1,600 bikes before they took the big plunge. InAugust they were bought by a white knight company that calls itself “EHPartners” with the stated intention of getting the company out of bankruptcyand back into production again.

Of course nothing has happened in that direction. “EH Partners” neverponied up the $12.5 million they agreed to and basically now there’s a shitstorm brewing over the chairman, George Heaton. Seems the local newspapershave dug up loads of trash on this guy. Seems he’s a liquidationspecialist, who, contrary to the stated intention, is gonna liquidate theassets of the company, as he’s done in the past with other companies he’spurchased.

I thought this whole sordid affair might make for interesting reading onBikernet. Best part? Just go to this board for the whole story.http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/excelsiorhendersondealerr38This is where you’ll find other EH owners who are struggling to keep theirbikes running.

If you remember all the stuff that happened with BritishIron back in the ’70s, this story will give ya deja vu.

–Lucky

SONNY BARGER CHRONICLES–Sonny returned to Northern California for a book signing on March 3 in Penryn sponsored by Hells Angels Sacramento. He’ll be at Borders in Union City (March 18). Phoenix and Orange County are planned in April; then Cape Cod and Rhode Island in early May, followed by eastern Washington, Idaho, then off to Copenhagen and Oslo.See the tour details with maps:http://sonnybarger.com/meet

Regency Mint has produced a great looking silver medallion, which is available now for $34.95; soon to come will be a bronze keychain with the same design (an image of Sonny and Sarrah on one side and his famous saying, “I never thought freedom was cheap,” on the reverse). Take a look and order now:http://sonnybarger.com/special

The German translation Hell’s Angel: Mein Leben reached number 5 on the bestseller list at amazon.de within the first few weeks of release. There is now a small “mirror” site in German:http://www.sonnybarger.de/welcome.html

The streaming audio has been a big hit, four of Sonny’s best radio interviews last year, and more will be added. Click the “audio” button:http://sonnybarger.com/pressThe fan photo gallery grows with your submissions:http://sonnybarger.com/foto

TWO-WHEELED SALES CLIMBING IN UK–Britan’s new motorcycle registration figures for January 2001 showed that bike sales have an increase of 41 percent compared to the same time last year. Forty-four percent of January’s bike sales were scooters. Supersport bikes continued to dominate the motorcycle bestseller top 10.

THANKS– First off, I wanted to thank you and your crew for the quick delivery of my books (This is Ruth, I ordered 4 books last month), and had a question… After the wonderful discovery of finding your signature on the inside of the “Orwell” cover, some cruel buddies of mine at work planted the thought in my head that it might not really be you that signed it. They seem to think it was funny to joke that maybe it was your gramma or your sister or maybe even some lone warehouse packin guy who scribbles on your book before it gets shipped out…. but I know it can’t be TRUE!! I have faith that it was really you that signed it…!!

My ol’ man likes the postcard of Miss Bikernet that you sent too… (I thought the dog was a nice touch.)

–Ruth Allan
ABATE of Illinois
Lincolnland Chapter
Activities/P.R. Coord
ISMC ‘ol lady

Damn right, that’s my signature. If it looks like a 3 year old wrote it, it’s me.

HONOLULU POLICE ABANDON H-D–The Honolulu Police Department has purchased 20 2001 BMW KP1100 motorcycles. The BMW KP1100 is a special police version of the R1100RT. Prior to the BMW acquisition, the Honolulu Police Department used 32 Harley-Davidsons (Road Kings and FXRPs) and 13 Kawasakis.

BIG DOG’S PROSPORT WINS EASYRIDERS’ V-TWIN EXCELLENCE AWARD FOR BEST RUBBERMOUNT MOTORCYCLE– Big Dog is pleased to accept Easyriders’ prestigious V-Twin Excellence Award for best rubbermount of 2001.

A long time member of the Big Dog line, the 2001 ProSport is considered by many critics to be one of the best-handling American cruisers on the market today. The ProSport features an advanced vibration-reducing three-point rubbermount frame built by Daytec exclusively for Big Dog. In addition, the motorcycle offers an industry leading engine and transmission package.

“This is a great honor for Big Dog. We have worked very hard to make the ProSport the best rubbermount that we know how to build,” said Nick Messer, president of Big Dog.

STAFF INTERROGATION–revealed that on a rainy morning Bandit was seen helping a young woman to a waiting ambulance. He had her draped in a blanket and we couldn’t tell whether it was the moisture from the sky or tears as she was placed on the gurney. A terrible virus had grabbed her chest and she was wisked off to a nearby hospital.

Another report indicated that the lovely Sin Wu had contracted a flu virus at college. She never made it to the headquarters that day and the big guy waited on the deck in the drizzling rain with a flask of Jack Daniels and Bikernet production ground to a stand still.

Later in the afternoon, a once-bubbly blonde pulled up in front of the San Pedro palace in a smart sports car. Bandit bounded onto the deck with a waiting margarita, but the woman never left the car. According to NuttBoy, she had a patch over one eye and a tear running out of the other as she drove away.

Devastated, the old guy, just weeks away from his 53rd birthday, slipped out of the headquarters in the middle of the night and we haven’t seen him since. Daytona’s a possibility. Even another women is not out of the question. There has been a rumor of a redhead lingering around the headquarters trying to scratch and claw her way into his life.

We’ll report next week. It’s happy hour.

–Da Janitor

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