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BIKERNET STUDIES WHERE TO RETIRE– You can live in Phoenix, Arizona where…
1. You are willing to park three blocks away because you found shade. 2. You’ve experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for four hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that “dry heat” is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open the oven door.
6. The four seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
You can live in California where…
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can’t afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there, rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The four seasons are: fire, flood, mud, and drought.
You can live in New York City where…
1. You say “the city” and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can’t find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is “nature”.
4. You think that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You’ve worn out a car horn.
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.
You can live in Maine where…
1. You have only four spices: salt, pepper, Ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over Parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.
You can live in the deep South where…
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. “y’all” is singular and “all y’all” is plural.
3. “he needed killin'” is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has two first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
You could live in Colorado where…
1. You carry your $4,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
You can live in the Midwest where…
1. You’ve never met any celebrities, but the Mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition, “Where’s my coat at?”
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, “It was different!”
AND you can live in Florida where…
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind….even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.
–from Bob Clark
WHY YOU NEED AMSIOL OIL FILTERS FOR BEST BIKE ENGINE PROTECTION– Even with all of the advances in lubrication and engine technology, filtration is as important today as it ever was. The combustion process produces by-products that slip into the oil stream, and ex- ternal contaminants are introduced into the engine in a variety of ways. The challenge for filter manufacturers is balancing flow, efficiency and filter life. In order to stop particles in the 2 to 22? range, the pores in the cellulose media used in many filters are too small to allow adequate oil flow.
AMSOIL Ea Oil and Air Filters feature full- synthetic nanofiber technology. It is the nanofi- bers that allow Ea Filters to provide greater effi- ciency than any other filter available. Ea Filters stop more particles, stop smaller particles and last longer than any other oil filter available for motorcycle applications.
“Abrasive engine wear can be substantially re- duced with an increase in filter single pass effi- ciency. Compared to a *40? filter, engine wear was reduced by 50% with 30? filtration. Like- wise, wear was reduced by 70% with 15? filtra- tion.
Ea Oil Filters have been evaluated using today’s benchmark test, the ISO 4548-12 multi-pass test. AMSOIL Ea Oil Filters provide 98.7 percent effi- ciency at 15? and up to 70 percent efficiency at 7?. Competitive filters range from approximately 85 to 92 percent efficiency at 15?. When it comes to removing contaminants in the most critical size range (2 to 22?), AMSOIL Ea Filters greatly out- perform competitive filters.
* ? is the symbol for micron
The part numbers are: Twin Cam EaOM 134C (chrome) and EaOM134 (black) Evolution is EaOM132C (chrome) and EaOM132 (black)
SENIOR CITIZEN SHIT FROM BIKERNET– Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn’t even short of breath. The 80 year old was amazed at his friend’s stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy
The 87 year old said ‘Well, I eat Jewish rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you’ll have great stamina with the ladies.’
So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help. He replied, ‘Do you have any Jewish rye bread?’
She answered, ‘Yes, there’s a whole shelf of it . Would you like some?’
He said, ‘I want 5 loaves.
‘My goodness, 5 loaves…by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it’ll be hard,’ she exclaimed.’
He shook his head, ‘I can’t believe it, everybody in the world knows about this shit but me.’
–from Art Friedman
PANHEAD GOOSENECK UPSWEEPS– Real world choppers are hot and Paughco’s new PANHEAD GOOSENECK UPSWEEPS speak chopper with a capitol “C”. The latest addition to a seemingly endless collection of custom and replacement exhaust systems for H-D and H-D based choppers, the new exhaust is about as hard core as it gets. Designed specifically for rigid frame Pans only, the pipes will fit electric or kick start models and measure 1 3?4″ in diameter. Finished in Paughco’s flawless chrome, the pipes retail for just $208.95. These pipes have no baffles and are supplied with mounting hardware. For complete details call 775-246-5738. On line at http://www.paughco.com
BANDIT’S CANTINA OPENS CATHOLIC SUNDAY SCHOOL– Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School. She usually slept through the class. One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. “Tell me, Mary Margaret, who created the universe?”
When Mary Margaret didn’t stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear. “God Almighty!” shouted Mary Margaret.
The Nun said, “Very good” and continued teaching her class. A little later the Nun asked Mary Margaret, “Who is our Lord and Savior?”
But Mary didn’t stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt. “Jesus Christ!!!” shouted Mary Margaret and the Nun once again said, “Very good,” and Mary Margaret fell back asleep.
The Nun asked her a third question…”What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?” Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted, “If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I’ll break it in half!”
The nun fainted……….
–from Ross P.
HARLEY-DAVIDSON POWER LOCK KIT FOR TOURING LUGGAGE– Push-Button Remote Convenience for Hard Saddlebags and Tour-Pak.
MILWAUKEE (Jan. 29, 2008) – The new Power Lock Kit for Touring Luggage from Harley-Davidson Genuine Motor Accessories adds the convenience of remote powered locks to a Harley-Davidson Touring motorcycle, making it possible to lock and unlock the saddlebags and Tour-Pak with the touch of a button. The complete kit includes two key fobs, lock cylinders, power lock actuators, latches, cables, wire harness and installation hardware.
There are two Power Lock Kits available: P/N 76463-08 ($549.95) fits 2008 Touring models with Color-Matched Hard Saddlebags only, and is not compatible with Fitted Saddlebag Liner Kit P/N 92189-06 or Premier Liner Kit P/N 90485-08. Power Lock Kit P/N 76510-08 ($699.95) fits 2008 Touring models with King or Chopped Tour-Pak and Color-Matched Hard Saddlebags, and is not compatible with Fitted Saddlebag Liner Kit P/N 92189-06, Premier Liner Kits P/N 90485-08 and 53603-08, or Tour-Pak Lid Organizer P/N 53249-01B.
For additional information on Harley-Davidson Genuine Motor Accessories, see your local Harley-Davidson dealer or visit the Harley-Davidson Web site at www.harley-davidson.com. To find a dealer near you, call toll free 1-800-443-2153 in the U.S.A. or Canada.
BIKERNET WINE TASTING SEMINAR– To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine… And those who don’t…. As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.
In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E.coli) – bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.
However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, Rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a Purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
Remember: Water = Poop; Wine = Health
Therefore, it’s better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit.
There is no need to thank me f or this valuable information. I’m doing it as a public service.
Until next time….
–from Rik
BIKER BASH COVERED ON BLINGMASTER– We have just created a WebPage that has Pictures of the Bikers Bash – Toys In The Sun Run for Toys For Tots held at the Hard Rock Cafe in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida.
We hope you enjoy. http://www.blingmaster.com/2007bikersbash
CAPN BILL BIRTHDAY REMINDER– This week we celebrate a special birthday! Monica Lewinsky turned 34. Can you believe it? It seems like only yester- day she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees, and putting everything in her mouth. They grow up so fast, don’t they?
The mileage is 500 off, damn lot of ’em, ain’t it?
–Capn Bill
capn_bill@hotmail.com
HASLETT, MI
BAKER TRANSMISSIONS WORK IN REVERSE– Your metrosexual neighbor with the HondaTM cruiser creeps back out of his garage by energizing a 2 HP electric motor. You back out of your garage by shifting your bike in reverse and creeping out with the power of your proud American V-twin. Electric motors are for toys. As the Harley-Davidson demographic ages and grows weary of wrestling a large bike, we finally cracked and enthusiastically created the F6R. Yes, new for this year we proudly introduce the F6R reverse kit for 2007-2008 factory Cruise Drive 6-speeds. The demand has arrived and the response has been tremendous. Large touring bike riders need not worry about getting embarrassingly stuck somewhere on a long solo trip. Side car and trailer pullers have more freedom. Keep the spirit of being powered by an American Big Twin – even in reverse!
Lehman Trikes adopted the technology for their Harley-Davidson three-wheel motorcycles. For now, the F6R is exclusively distributed via Lehman Trikes (www.lehmantrikes.com) and BAKER Drivetrain (1-877- 640-2004). The warranty is limited three (3) years/unlimited mileage and is directly supported and administered by BAKER Drivetrain.
Reverse is selected by moving the foot shift lever. Down shift into 1st gear, engage the electric safety switch near the handle bars and down shift again to select reverse. Up shift into 1st after completing the reverse maneuver to continue down the road. No burnt hands with this system.
Available with polished (retail $1,750) or chrome door (retail $1,895) and side cover Available with cable type or hydraulic clutch actuator side cover Internally, the shift drum indexes to select reverse.
The drum inherently functions as an interlock and makes it impossible to select reverse and another gear simultaneously.
The F6R is over designed to make it durable under all conditions. Reverse gears and dogs are fully case hardened to HRC58-62 making the F6R as durable in reverse as it is in forward gears. No soft gears with this system.
Reverse gear ratio is 4.98:1. This compares to the 1st gear ratio of 3.34 making it 45% shorter than 1st gear. This means reverse is effectively a creeper gear. Aggressive reverse maneuvers can be performed without smoking the clutch.
Compatible with the BAKER F6F which fixes the 5th gear nuisance noise. Billet trap door and side cover are available in a show polished finish or chrome plated and in hydraulic or cable. Side cover outer contour has no exhaust clearance issues.
–Scout
FULL THROTTLE MAGAZINE GEARING UP FOR DAYTONA BIKE WEEK– we have managed to get some of the pictures online form the Florida Expo and Bike Builders Invitational Weekend! here is a great link to check out all the pictures http://fullthrottleusa.com/florida/fullthrottleexpoandbuildoff/index.html
We also still have sponsorships and ad space available for the Bike Week issue.
Our Deadline for the March issue is Friday, February 15th for all ads and sponsorships. Remember the deal!
Full page ad and Bike Week Sponsorship for $1,500.00
$750.00 for a Full Page, Full Color Ad
$750.00 for the sponsorship – listed as a sponsor in march and April issue, we will pass out your info all bike week long, 1/2 page article in the May issue
Full Throttle will be set up at three major locations in Daytona handing out our issue (Boothill Saloon Main Street – Boothill Saloon Ormond – and the Daytona International Speedway)
Spend your advertising dollars wisely. LET FULL THROTTLE WORK FOR YOU THIS BIKE WEEK
Don’t forget we are not pulling books from any distribution outlet, we are printing an extra 10,000 issues just for Bike Week
The New March issue will be on the streets a little earlier than normal this month as Bike Week starts on Feb 29th and goes through March 9th.
But before that we have a couple great events to stop by and see before you head over to the East Coast.
FEB 24 – RIDE IN TO HELP TAMPA BAY’S OWN MOTHER ON A MISSION – Sunday, February 24, 2008 12PM – 5PM HENNESSEY’S BAR – 127 FOREST LAKES ROAD – OLDSMAR, FLA. Bike show, silent auction, prizes, games, MEMORIAL BELL RINGING 430PM. Diane Pearson has devoted herself to motorcycle awareness in the Tampa Bay area after losing her son to a cager. You may have seen her work, spread out around the community. free bumper stickers; the purple and white billboards, bus stop posters, cab signs, and even radio and TV announcements. She also devotes her time to help care for a grandchild recently diagnosed with seizures and autism.
Even with all this going on, she is still working on her Motorcycle safety campaign! The purpose of this ride-in is to say thank you From the bikers in Tampa bay And to help provide her Mission with funds to continue her campaign – Who knows – the cager that reads her sign may Be the one that actually sees YOU on the road!!! HER ORGANIZATION IS NON-PROFIT, TAX DEDUCTIBLE 501 ? (3) and 170? All proceeds go to the: Gene Pearson Motorcycle Awareness Foundation, Inc.
PO Box 542
Oldsmar, Fla 34677
http://www.genepearson.org
Event information: 727-776-2395 –
mailto:glidingblondfire@yahoo.com
NEW PORT RICHEY – FEB. 23 – JESSIE’S RIDE 2008 – 8:30am at Gulf Coast H-D, 5817 State Road 54. Register from 8:30-11:30am with Kick stands up at 12pm. The Jessica Marie Lunsford Foundation and Mark Lunsford present the police escorted “Jessie’s Ride” starting at Gulf Coast H-D and ending at Crystal River H-D where the Greg Billings Band will perform. Helping Children in Crisis and informing the community about the issues involving safety of children against child predators.
For more info call 727-842-4547
or 352-563-9900
or go to: http://www.jmlfoundation.org.
SARASOTA – FEB. 23 – TRUE AMERICAN HERO BENEFIT MEMORIAL MOTORCYCLE RIDE – 6am Pre-Registration pickup & registration opens at Sarasota Co Technical Institute, 4748 Beneva Rd. Pre-registration $25 per rider or $35 rider & passenger, event day $30 / $40 & $10 for lunch. 9am Riders depart for a two hour ride returning for lunch, entertainment, vendors and officer recognition and program.
Sprint hosted True American Hero Benefit Memorial Motorcycle Ride escorted by the Sarasota County Sheriff’s Department and in memory of all law enforcement officers who have sacrificed their lives. John Walsh from America’s Most Wanted http://www.amw.com is scheduled to be Grand Marshall for the event.
For more info contact mailto:marshall.tilley@sprint.com Web Site:
http://www.sprintride.com
–Tony Cianci
Editor – Florida Full Throttle Magazine
http://www.fullthrottleusa.com
mailto:tonyc@fullthrottleusa.com
850 Dunbar Ave.
Oldsmar, FL 34677
800-889-8180 – Toll Free
813-814-1424 – Local Office
SPRINGER FENDER MOUNTING SEARCH– Hello Bandit. My name is Mike & I live in Oklahoma. I have been searching for a “nice way” to mount a fender to the front of my bike. I LOVED your pics & how you accomplished that. I have included a pic of my bike for your reference.
What kind of brake system did you use? I need a caliper that will allow me to try to copy your design. I should ask, can I order this kit from you??? Is it possible you could do the work from a distance? If not I could use your help, IF you are willing to share it, finding the manufactures of the materials I would need.
I realize this is asking a lot but you have no idea of how tired I am of water, dirt & cow shit getting in my face because I don’t have a fender! I do not want to “cobble up” some disaster that looks bad either. Again, what you did was perfect!!!!
I got my front end from Jeri’s Springer in Florida & I love it. I just detest the weather conditions without that fender.
Any advice or help would be very much appreciated! My home number is 405-574-9410 if you would rather talk then write about it.
~Mike
dwgbiker@att.net
Actually my Brembo brake didn’t work with the Lucky Devil front fender configuration. Kent Weeks is the master and he’s performed several using Performance Machine calipers. Contact the Devil, he’ll hook you up.–Bandit
THAT’S IT–It’s tea and honey time, with a Bulleit Whiskey back. One female reader wrote after the news, “You need to get laid.” Damn, does is show?
Sin Wu strolled past the bed yesterday afternoon and said, “I know when you’re sick, you smell.” Maybe that’s why she didn’t jump my bones. I’ll jump in the shower, jog to the bar, kick some ass in Rogue style (he’s 70 years old), grab some ass and race a cop out of town, just to get my blood flowing and blow out the other ear drum. I’m tired of listening to bullshit anyway.
Coral just called and informed me of the holiday tomorrow. “You can stay in bed,” she said. “It’s Presidents day.”
“I’m only staying in bed, if you’ll share it with me,” I jabbed back at the heavenly one with Dolly Partton boobs and blond hair.
“I’m a lesbian,” she returned, “don’t your remember? Besides you’re old.”
I hung up on her. It’s bullshit, I tell ya. Ah, but the site is flying this coming week with Ralph’s board track replica custom. It’s fine. Then we’ll cover Jordon’s Triumph by Peter Linney and cover how you can turn a Softail into a long distance bagger and take it to Bonneville. Plus we have coverage from Horst of a major event in Europe. Hang on.
Oh, an now that I’m healed we’re heading to the post office with more Bikernet Reader Gift Boxes, a fork cap for a reader, plus I need to pull a used belt pulley for the notorious Bob T. from 7 Palms, California for his FXRP project. He’s blacking out the old cop bike. Thinks he’s cool.
Ride Forever,
–Bandit
