Da Blonde GOB of the Year

Okay, we couldn’t resist. I heard a rumor about Carissa the wild blonde who likes to be spanked and tied up. So of course blonde jokes surfaced during a Bikernet Editorial meeting. Snake shared a story about a blonde, from his past, but we decided to pass and his blues and the blonde story and put him in charge of finding bad-ass blonde jokes. Enjoy.—Bandit

A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, “I slept with a Brazilian….”

The blonde replies, “Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?”

Q: How do you know a blonde likes you?
A: She screws you two nights in a row.

Q: Why do blondes wear underwear?
A: To keep their ankles warm.

Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a guy?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde with a PhD in Psychology?
A: She’ll blow your mind, too.

Q: Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
A: It’s not real bright, but its cheap, and spreads easy.

–from Jokes4Us

Blonde at the Appliance Store

A blonde woman walks into a store and asks the clerk about the TV in the corner. The clerk says, “Sorry ma’am, we don’t serve blondes.”

Irritated, the woman goes home and dyes her hair black. The next day she comes back and asks again.

The clerk again says, “Sorry ma’am, we don’t serve blondes.” Furious, the woman goes home and dyes her hair red this time. The next day she goes to the store and there’s a different clerk there.

She asks the clerk about the TV.

The clerk replies, “Sorry ma’am, we don’t serve blondes.”

The woman asks him, “How did you know I am a blonde?”

The clerk says, “Because that’s not a TV, it’s a microwave.”

The Blonde and the Soda Machine

A blonde goes to a soda machine. She puts in a dollar and gets a soda. She does this again and again. A man in line behind her asks why she is taking so long. She says, “Can’t you see I’m winning?”

One Liners

Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?
A: The rest are hunt’n peckers.

Q: Why do blondes make bad bankrobbers?
A: Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards

Q: What’s the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny blonde?
A: One’s a phony buck.

Q: Whats better than roses on a naked blonde?
A: Her Tulips ( two lips ) on your organ!

Q: What is every blonde’s ambition in life?
A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.

Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been sighted.

Q: What can save a dying blonde?
A: Hair transplants..

Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it, the looser it gets!

Q: How is a blonde like peanut-butter?
A: They spread for the bread.

Q: Why do blondes get confused in the ladies room?
A: They have to pull their own pants down.

Q: Why did the blonde get blown up into pieces
A: Because she bought a Palestinian Blow Up Doll from the Sex Shop

The Perfect Woman

A man is eating in a fancy restaurant, and there is a gorgeous blond eating at the next table. He has been checking her out all night, but lacks the nerve to go talk to her.

Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of her socket towards the man. He reflexively grabs and snatches it out of the air.

“Oh my god, I am sooo sorry, ” the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. “Let me buy you dinner to make it up to you.”

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together and afterwards the woman invites him back to her place for a drink.

They go back to her house, and after a bit she leads him into the bedroom and begins undressing him. The couple have wild passionate sex over and over all night.

The next morning when he awakens, she has already gotten up and brings him breakfast in bed. The guy is amazed. “You know, you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?” “No, she replies…. “You just happened to catch my eye.”

Stupid Blonde Driver

A police officer stopped a blonde for speeding and asked her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!”