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BUSH PLAN TO REGULATE MOTORCYCLISTS– In a startling revelation, George W. Bush announcedtoday before a packed gallery of reporters that he was considering boldinitiatives to regulate the 4 million motorcyclists in the United States.
Bush stood flanked by Vice-President Dick Cheney, American MotorcyclistAssociation (AMA) President Robert Rasor and Willie G. Davidson, vice president ofStyling for Harley-Davidson Motor Co. Bush said, “We expect to put inplace a plan of action that will benefit all Americans, not justmotorcyclists.”
The centerpiece of legislation proposed by Bush would be a monitoring systemthat would include a special electronic badge to be affixed to allmotorcycles, similar to the E-Z pass card in use in the Metropolitan NY andWashington, DC areas. With this new system to be called E-Z Rider, a specialPentagon computer would be linked to the current system of 25 earth orbitingsatellites that would continuously scan the earth’s surface in search of E-ZRider badges.
Cheney then said, “We need a first application for this system.Harley-Davidson has come forward with a proposal that I feel has merit. Thedata from E-Z Rider would be transmitted to the main computer center at theHarley-Davidson corporate center in Milwaukee, Wis.”
When questioned by reporters, Willie G. Davidson said, “With the use of E-ZRider, we will have a way to monitor the whereabouts of all motorcycleriders anywhere in the US. Furthermore, we have entered into an agreementwith the government to place a 2-digit code on the E-Z Rider badge toidentify Harley-Davidson riders.
This is especially important to us since we have our 100th anniversarycoming up in 2003. If President Bush and Vice-President Cheney can get thislegislation passed during this session of Congress, we will have a goodwindow of opportunity to get this system operational by the first quarter of2003 just prior to our 100th anniversary celebration.”
Davidson further stated, “We have received estimates from our H.O.G.chapters across the world that upwards of one million riders of our machineswill be descending on the Motor Company in Milwaukee. As you know, ourbuilding dates back to 1910 and has severe structural rigidity problems. Wehave been advised that the decibel (DB) levels coincident with one millionHarley engines all running at a speed of at least 34 miles per hour may havedeleterious effects on our factory.
Our engineers tell us that the building may fall. We are also concerned forthe various bridges in our city. The anticipated noise load may stress thesebridges beyond their design limits. That’s why we need to be able to detectthe approaching HOG traffic and disperse it to the secondary streets so asto equalize the load to be within design limits. The future of our companyis at stake here. This E-Z Rider legislation must be passed.”
Bush then said, “We are happy that Willie G. is here today to offer hiscompany’s support for this plan. We look forward to H-D partnering with thefederal government and being our first application of this important system.Furthermore, I’m taking this opportunity to announce that Laura and I areboth going to be riding in this 100th anniversary celebration. Laura justpresented me with a new Springer Softail. I plan to learn to ride it on thenew baseball diamond fields just now being set up on the South Lawn.”
“April Fools.”
–“Heavy Metal”
AMA #560419
’96 Kawasaki VN800B Vulcan Classic
Sin Cycles and Sinner clothing would like to announce the release of our summer clothing line.– Feel free to stop by our shop, or visit our Web site at www.sincycles.com. You can order direct from our Web site. Check out our new Sinner bathing suits, visors, hats and shirts.
Sin Cycles
Sinner Clothing
www.sincycles.com
(562) 997-9119
LARRY HAGMAN HONORED– Hey everyone! The tribute gala honoring Larry Hagman is booking up fast, soplease let us know as soon as possible if you’ll be able to join us at theBeverly Hilton on May 5. Semi-formal, dinner, dancing and silent auction -$125/person (310) 204-3300.
REFRIGERATOR NAZIS–At first I figured your reference to them refrigerator Nazis was a bit far reachin’ for me to get behind in your book “Sam Chopper Orwell.” Not that it detracted any from the story line, though. Just heard on the news, however, California is leanin’ toward that already due to power shortages going on. You must be one helluva fuck’n prophet there, dude. Ha!
Truthfully, though, I’ve seen first hand many of the subtlties you’ve mentioned going on around this country regarding the problems us bikers face with our freedoms. Since I may not have mentioned it before, consider it done now that you’ve done well with the book, and that your ex was right about the whole idea. I’m pass’n along the book to members of our “Valley A.B.A.T.E. Motorcycle Association” (of which I’m the treasurer). You’ll get some interest there, I’m sure. I’ll pass along your web site, too, so other writings of yours can be obtained if desired. I certainly am interested in reading more of your works, too.
–F.C. (Zzap!) White
Alaska, USA
CHROME SPECIALTIES ON-LINE CATALOG–Is here for you. We hope to offer more direct parts services in the near future, but for now, you can go directly to the CSI catalog just by clicking above.
BANDIT, GODDAMNIT LISTEN UP!– My bike was in November Cyber Bike Show, “In Memory of Justin.” It won first place in its class. Every July I put together a poker run and bike show. I call it the “Run For Breath – In Memory of Justin Pullin.” The run will be held on Sunday, July 22, here in Charlotte, N.C. Last year we raised over $6,000. At the end of the run there were over 1,000 bikespresent. Every year its gets bigger. Just about all the local shops and dealerships take part in the event. Last year there was local TV coverage also. I don’t know if it is possible or not, but I would like to ask you to emcee this event. I think having someone who is well known and respected as you are would draw even more attention to our event. I would be able to provide airfare, a place to stay, etc. I hope you will consider this request, as the run gets bigger and better every year. This will be the third annual run. All proceeds go to benfit the American Lung Association.
–Mike Pullin
Harley Davidson of Charlotte
If I can be of assistance cleaning off the tables or stacking cups, I’ll be there.–Bandit
BIKERNET GULCH ACCUSED OF BEING WORLD WIDE ESCORT SERVICE–It’s just not true. Just talk to Kelly and Samantha. On second thought, you better not. I swear, the Bikernet Gulch is our our own specialized outlet mall. Secure ordering, resonable prices and customer service like you wouldn’t believe. I’m not sure I meant it that way. Buy a book, I’ll sign it. Buy a limited edition print, Eric Herrmann will sign it. Order a black and white limited- edition photo print and Mike Lichter, the famous Easyriders photog, will sign and mount the sucker. Maybe mount wasn’t the right word. Little Joe won’t sign his HA Leathers, but they’re the best in the world, and made by hardcore to last a lifetime. It’s a group of speciality shops hand picked by the Bikernet staff for quality and customer service. Of course, check out the Dragonfly girls. The shirts ain’t bad either.
REGISTRATION– for the 2001 Hot Bike magazine presents The White Brothers Los Angeles Calendar Motorcycle Show sponsored by Performance Machine, The Recycler and Budweiser.
Saturday and Sunday July 21-22The Queen Mary Event Park, Long Beach
Registration for July’s show is now open and you are invited tojoin us. For 2001 we have expanded to a new two-day format at the Queen MaryEvent Park in Long Beach to accommodate the sold out spectator attendance weexperienced the last two years. But even with the expanded formatwe have not increased our exhibitor space cost, now giving you twice asmarketing value for the same price.
Exhibitor registration packs were mailed out to our year 2000 eventexhibitors this past week. If you did not receive yours or would like to join us this year as a new exhibitor, please give me acall to request a registration package.Or visit us online for complete details and an online registrationform that you can print out and mail in with payment.http://www.FastDates.com/BikeShow.htm
I also recommend making your hotel reservation at the Queen Mary soyou can easily walk to and from the show each day, and you’ll be there onon Saturday night for the big fireworks display and the bike show partywith live music in the Observation Deck Bar at 9 p.m. Ship hotelreservations are almost sold out, but still available by phoning(562) 435-3511.
SIGNS THAT YOU’VE HAD TOO MUCH OF THE ’90s AND 2000– You just tried to enter your password on the microwave.
You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
You call your son’s beeper to let him know it’s time to eat. He e-mails you back from his bedroom, “What’s for dinner?”
Your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her Web site.
RIP TRIBUTE–Rip had the most envious job of anyone in the Harley industry. He was paid to ride, and boy he did just that. We here at Bikernet respect the hard-riding brother he was. We’re collectin’ a series of shots of him as a remembrance and a reminder of his American Diabetes Bad Ride that raises money for the cause. If you have a shot of Rip you can spare, we will create a tribute to the man who made the notion of cross-country no more significant than a daily commute.
VANCOUVER HOG SCHEDULE-EH?–April 21 HOG Members Garage Sale at Trev Deeley Motorcycles. Call (604)434-1502
May 5 HOG Meeting 4608 Imperial in Burnaby. Call (604) 434-1502
May 6 Warren’s Mystery Ride HOG Meeting. Call (604) 524-8963
May 13 Mother’s Day Ride along with Delta Chapter. Call Your Mom. CallWarren at (604) 524-8963
May 18-20 AIM Bogie Bash. Call (800) 360-9079
May 22 Trev Deeley Day. Nite Ride leaves the store at 7 p.m. Call TrevDeeley Motorcycles(604) 291-BIKE
I KNOW THERE’S MORE–But I’m burnt, the sun is going down, and the Jack is waiting. We actually have some room in the garage to get cranking on NuttBoy’s ProStreet. There’s a major swapmeet coming up around the 20th and we want a complete list of needed parts and a handful of cash before we stroll through the gates.
Now that everyone has cleared out and it’s quiet around here, I need to warm up the head, fire up the candles and make her a white Russian. After a long bath it will be porno movies, sexual innuendos and lotsa touch through the night.
I can feel the sun beginning to force the cold chill to sea, and riding weather ahead. Take care of your babe so she won’t whimper when your drag pipes reverberate off the side of the stucco abode as you head out of town for the redhead in the neighboring burg. Let’s ride, we’re burnin’ daylight.
–Bandit
