This is a bitchin’ weekend. My son, the tattoo artist, came by. He has worked with all the best tattoo artist in Southern California and is now preparing to open his own shop. He’s 29 and been through some rough times and women.
We’re working on the headquarters this weekend. We’ve mustered enough change to buy some bricks. So it’s been bricks, sand and shovels all weekend. Even the blonde helped unload the truck. It’s a miracle. Let’s hit the news so I can clamor back to the rock pile and you can ride:
Pot-Smoking Refugee Claimant Would Be Prosecuted At Home
VANCOUVER (CP) — A man seeking asylum in Canada because he smokes pot to fight a rare form of cancer would do well to stay out of the United States, where the “corrupt system” would prosecute him, a California judge testified Thursday.
“His chances would be overwhelming, I regret to say, of being tried and convicted,” Judge James Gray of the Orange Country Superior Court said by phone at a refugee hearing for Steve Kubby.
Kubby, a former California resident who now lives in Sechelt, B.C., said between puffs on a joint outside the hearing that he suffers from adrenal cancer and would die within four days if he didn’t smoke marijuana.
Health Canada granted him permission last August to grow and smoke pot for medicinal purposes.
Although California’s Proposition 215 allows for the medical use of marijuana, patients are still prosecuted by the federal court, whose laws trump state laws, Gray said.
And those who face a judge in federal court can’t provide any evidence of medicinal use so the jury doesn’t get to hear they aren’t drug dealers, Gray said from Santa Ana, Calif.
–from Rogue
Great Shots from the front.
Dear Employees:
It has been brought to management’s attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers. Therefore, a list of “TRY SAYING” new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late. INSTEAD OF: And when the fuck do you expect me to do this?
TRY SAYING: I’m certain that isn’t feasible. INSTEAD OF: No fucking way.
TRY SAYING: Really? INSTEAD OF: You’ve got to be shitting me!
TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with… INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a shit.
TRY SAYING: I wasn’t involved in the project. INSTEAD OF: It’s not my fucking problem.
TRY SAYING: That’s interesting. INSTEAD OF: What the fuck?
TRY SAYING: I’m not sure this can be implemented. INSTEAD OF: This shit won’t work.
TRY SAYING: I’ll try to schedule that. INSTEAD OF: Why the hell didn’t you tell me sooner?
TRY SAYING: He’s not familiar with the issues. INSTEAD OF: He’s got his head up his ass.
TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir? INSTEAD OF: Eat shit and die.
TRY SAYING: So you weren’t happy with it? INSTEAD OF: Kiss my ass.
TRY SAYING: I’m a bit overloaded at the moment. INSTEAD OF: Fuck it, I’m on salary.
TRY SAYING: I don’t think you understand. INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your ass.
TRY SAYING: I love a challenge. INSTEAD OF: This job sucks.
TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that? INSTEAD OF: Who the hell died and made you boss?
TRY SAYING: I see. INSTEAD OF: Blow me. TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training. INSTEAD OF: You don’t know what the fuck you’re doing.
Thank You, Human Resources
–from Rogue
AMEN! Bikernet Front Line Church Services
The Church at work on the (battle)Field. What a great shot. “Where 2 or 3 are gathered together in My Name…”
Brother Looks For Shovelhead Pipes I have been searching for about a year, and year I have tried all the pipe makers. Either they don?t make it or they just make short drags. I have completely rebuilt the engine and yes they have STD heads. I went thru the aggravation of RB Racing for 8 months of telling me they were making them only to find out they took my $$ and ran. The only choice I came up with is BUB. I have tried all the rest.
— “Joseph Albert” joseph.albert2@verizon.net
MOTOROLA UNVEILS HARLEY-DAVIDSON 100th ANNIVERSARY MOBILE PHONE
Harley-Davidson enthusiasts can now share their journey with a customized V60 mobile phone
FARMINGTON HILLS, MI — April 10, 2003 – Today, Motorola, Inc.’s (NYSE:MOT) Automotive Division unveiled two brand-new versions of a customized V60i mobile phone. Based upon one of the most popular mobile phone models in North America, the phones are available in black with leather or chrome on chrome and are engraved with the Harley-Davidson 100th Anniversary logo. The mobile phones will be sold initially at participating Harley-Davidson dealerships across the country.
Consumers in North America interested in ordering the special 100th Anniversary mobile phone can visit their closest participating Harley-Davidson dealer to purchase the phone. To find participating dealers, consumers can visit the website
“Harley-Davidson recognizes that mobile phones were one of the leading lifestyle products purchased by consumers during 2002,” said Ruth Crowley, vice president of Harley-Davidson. “Harley-Davidson understands the need for family and friends to stay in touch while away from home, especially during our 100th Anniversary events. We thought this high-tech phone from Motorola was a nice addition to our line for 2003.”
The Advantages of Breast Milk”
A not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life science classroom, staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed: “Give four advantages of breast milk.” What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best:
1. No need to boil.
2. Never goes sour.
3. Available whenever necessary.
So far so good – maybe. But the exam demanded a fourth answer. Again, what to write? Once more, he sighed. He frowned. He scowled, then sighed again. Suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly, he scribbled his definitive answer:
4. Available in attractive containers of varying sizes. He received an A
–from Chris T.
Subject: WHO’S COLORED? This was written by a black guy inTexas…….so funny…..what a great sense of humor!
When I born, I black. When I grow up, I black. When I go in sun, I black. When I cold, I black. When I scared, I black. When I sick, I black. And when I die, I still black.
You white folks…… When you born, you pink When you grow up, you white. When you go in sun, you red. When you cold, you blue. When you scared, you yellow. When you sick, you green. When you bruised, you purple. And when you die, you gray.
So who you callin’ colored???
–from Chris T.
Bikernet Reader’s Son At The Front
Here is a link to a picture of Justin taken by a photographer(Andrew Cutraro) from the St. Louis Post-Dispatch embedded with the 3rd BN7th MAR. I guess he really didn’t quit smoking! But where he is, smoking is the least of his worries! This embedding idea rocks, I wonder who came up with it! After the link opens, advance to picture 3.
Hard Working Dave
Dave works hard at the plant, puts in a lot of overtime, and then spends most evenings bowling, playing basketball or working out at the gym. His wife, Mary, thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so, for his birthday, she takes him to a local strip club. The doorman at the club greets them and says, “Hey, Dave, how ya doing?”
Mary is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before. “Oh no,” says Dave. “He works out at the gym with me.”
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he’d like his usual Budweiser. Mary is now becoming uncomfortable and says, “You must come here a lot for that woman to know you drink Budweiser.”
“No, honey, she’s in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them.”
A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave. “Hi Davey,” she says, “Want your usual table dance?”
Mary, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots his wife getting into a cab. Before Mary can slam the door, Dave jumps in beside her. Right away she starts screaming at him. The cabby turns his head and says, “Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave.”
–from Chris T.
Bob Roberts Tattoo Art Exhibit Closes
Yesterday was the last day of an art exhibit of Bob Roberts and Ed Hardy’s works. Terrific, wild stuff. This is an example of Bob’s watercolor art. He is a master with the brush and the needle, plus a 12-year member of the Gallopin’ Goose MC. We’ll feature the whole story next week. Some of this stuff inspires major Tattoos. I started itchin’ all over.
SEVERE EARTHQUAKE IN FRANCE
Date: Thu, Mar 20, 2003, 8:25 p.m., February 14, 2003. Today it was reported that severe earthquakes have occurred in 10 different locations in France. The severity was measured in excess of 10 on the Richter Scale. The cause was the 56,681 dead American soldiers buried in French soil rolling over in their graves. According to the American Battle Monuments Commission there are 26,255 Yankee dead from World War I buried in 4 cemeteries in France. There are 30,426 American dead from World War II buried in 6 cemeteries in France. These 56,681 brave American heroes died in their youth to liberate a country which is guilty of shameful unspeakable behavior in the 21st century. May the United States of America never forget their sacrifice as we find ways to forcefully deal with the Godforsaken unappreciative, forgetful country of France!
–from Chris T.
CRIPPLED OLD BIKER BASTARD I just got this from Jimmy, the Ice Cream Man From Hell, His C.O.B.B. Society is taking off by leaps and bounds. A retirement home for Crippled Old Biker Bastards in in the planning stages. It seems a well healed benefactor in St. Thomas, U.S. Virgin Islands has chosen to take up the cause.
It is stress free here in Paradise and a friend of mine just bought two big old stone houses downtown. I was inspired when I saw you guys up in Daytona a few weeks ago. Nobody worries about taxes, state laws, ex-wives and all that crap here. I got my first {Panhead in 1969 , an old 51 {Panhead. I’m back into riding again. I am very serious about this idea. Seeing you guys turned on this light in my head. I’ve got lots of time and friends with money. I would like to do something really good with my life to help others like me. I am laid up with a broken leg since last Sunday. I came down the mountain the hard way. St.
Well, it looks like I’ll be moving south as soon as the deal is done. I’m ready to chuck the snow and live in some year round sunshine. Between Tahiti and St. Thomas I’ll ride all day and never have to shovel snow again! If you’re interested in becoming a part of the “Crippled Old Biker Bastard” movement, check out the web site
–TBear
Defender Covers My ‘Defender Covers’ are black 4mm neoprene fitted covers to protect fuel tanks and front fenders from dings, dents and scratches while your working on your bike or just storing it in your garage.
The full set is two tank covers (1) for Sportsters, (1) for Big Twins, and three fender covers(1) Sportster/Dyna/FXR fender cover, (1) Softail fender cover and (1) FL fender cover. Take care and I hope the business is doing well.
–“Mike Kieber” iwheelie@earthlink.net
One Way To Store Precious Metals
Decided that I needed a place to display all of my crap? so kind of copied your display case coffee table hope ya don?t mind.. problem is Chris decided that displaying my guns was a little over the top. Hope this note finds ya well & that the FXR is being worked on.
–Chris & Richard Kranzler
Should have the Shrunken FXR on the Lift in the next couple of weeks for final detail work.
WHEN WE WERE KIDS!!
According to today’s regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 40’s, 50’s, 60’s, 70’s, probably shouldn’t have survived.
Our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paint. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets, and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets. Not to mention the risks we took hitchhiking. As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags. Riding in the back of a pickup truck on a warm day was always a special treat. We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle. Horrors! We ate cupcakes, bread and butter, and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we were never overweight because we were always outside playing.
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and no one actually died from this. We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then rode down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem. We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the street lights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. No cell phones. Unthinkable! We did not have Playstations, Nintendo 64, X-Boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, video tape movies, surround sound, personal cell phones, personal computers, or Internet chat rooms.
Nymphomaniac Convention
A man boards an airplane, and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes she is heading straight towards his seat. A wave of nervous anticipation washes over him. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right beside his. Anxious to strike up a conversation, he blurts out, “So where are you flying to today?”
She turns and smiles, and says, “To the annual Nymphomaniac Convention, in Chicago.”
He swallows hard, and is instantly CRAZED with excitement. Here’s the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting RIGHT next to him, and she’s going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs. Struggling to maintain his outward cool, he calmly asks, “And what’s your role at this convention?”
She flips her hair back, turns to him, locks onto his eyes and says, “Well, I try to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”
“Really” he says, swallowing hard. “And what myths are those?”
She explains, “Well, one popular myth is that African American men are the most well-endowed when, in fact, it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess this trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who romance women best, on average.”
“Very interesting,” the man responds.
Suddenly, the woman becomes very embarrassed, and blushes. “I’m sorry,” she says, “I feel so awkward discussing this with you, and I don’t even know your name.”
The man extends his hand and replies, “Tonto… Tonto Goldstein.”
Why don’t you take the ex and you’re mother-in-law for a Sunday ride?
Let’s hit it–I know it’s a squirrely news, but what the hell. I can’t rock the world every weekend. Watch out next week. We’ve got lots of plans and new articles heading your way. We’re about to launch a massive line of Headwinds and Cyril Huze products. We’re relaunching all the products in the Gulch. We’re also hoping to have a meeting with the Custom Chrome Marketing guys who are riding into the area.
Of course, the most important occasion is rolling the King off the lift. I wanna ride that blacked-out beast. Watch for our report next week–I hope. Now get the hell outta the house and go for a ride.
–Bandit
