I’m in a daze. As I fix one twisted item on the Touring Chopper, another prospective problem jumps out at me. The ride to Laughlin is hours away. Yesterday I rode out to Rivera in Whittier. Buck Lovell has asked me to come out twice to check over the belt drive and clutch assembly. Mel’s crew tore off my primary, checked the belt alignment, and immediately began to find problems. The belt on the engine pulley will always track to the outside. If the guard doesn’t hold it back, the ring gear on the clutch hub will interfere with the belt. That was happening to mine. The clutch spring should also be slightly convex, mine was not. Then when they pulled off the hub they discovered the wrong bearing, which was vibrating badly. The Rivera crew worked quickly and efficiently to repair the primary drive and I hit the road with a much smoother operating clutch. If you have any problems with your Primo primary drive, don’t hesitate to call Buck. If you can bring it by their shop, they’ll check it out. If not, you can do it at home with their coaching. I need to check the spacing on the Works Performance shocks; I changed the plugs and with any luck I’m golden for the trip. Yeah right!
Giggie at Compu-Fire checked the Pan cylinders and pistons, and we determined that the scuffing on the pistons was extreme and they had to be re-bored. They are currently on their way to Departure Bike Works in Richmond, Virginia, for re-boring. If you’re in the neighborhood, you’re lucky. Lee Clemens and Brenda, his wife, have run this shop for decades. If you need anything, Lee will know the answer. If he doesn’t, he’ll ask Brenda.
In the meantime, the desert awaits the thunder of thousands of bikers heading out. Trouble is, I can’t find anyone who is actually riding out. All the tough motherfuckers I call, already have their bikes tied to trailers.
Let’s get to the news.
NHRA WEEK OF THUNDER PRESENTED BY SCREAMIN’ EAGLE PERFORMANCE– Screamin’ Eagle performance parts by Harley-Davidson and the National Hot Rod Association (NHRA) have formed a partnership designed to promote Screamin’ Eagle high-performance products at select NHRA Winston Drag Racing Series events in 2000.
Each “Week of Thunder presented by Screamin’ Eagle” promotion (Pomona, Calif., Feb. 3-6; Gainesville, Fla., March 16-19; Atlanta, Ga., May 4-7; Columbus, Ohio, June 15-18; Indianapolis, Ind., Aug. 30-Sept. 4) features a Thursday kick-off Fan Fest, featuring a live radio remote, live band, and autograph sessions with many of NHRA’s top drivers. On Friday, several World Wrestling Federation (WWF) stars will host a fan appreciation autograph session. Saturday’s highlight is the presentation of a 2000 Harley-Davidson Screamin’ Eagle Road Glide motorcycle to one lucky winner.
The Harley-Davidson Screamin’ Eagle Road Glide has a limited production of 1,550 units, each with a suggested retail price of $22,495.
For additional information on the Harley-Davidson Screamin’ Eagle Road Glide and Harley-Davidson Genuine Motor Parts and Genuine Motor Accessories, visit the Harley-Davidson Web site at www.harley-davidson.com. To find a dealer near you, call toll free 800-443-2153 in the USA and Canada.
GEMS OF WISDOM Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkey and apes?
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
QUEBEC’S BIKER-GANG WARS ERUPT– The fatal shooting this week of an elite member of the Hells Angels appears to have triggered a new wave of violence in Quebec’s biker-gang wars. With a total of three bikers killed in recent days, expert investigators say there’s no way of knowing how far the attacks, and the ensuing retaliation, will extend in the gangs’ six-year battle for control of the drug trade.
The bloodshed started Monday when Norman Hamel was chased through a parking lot in suburban Laval and killed by two gunshots. Hamel, 44, was a member of the Hells Angels’ elite Nomad chapter in Quebec and was said to be close to the gang’s reputed head, Maurice (Mom) Boucher. On Wednesday, another biker believed to be associated with the Hells Angels was found dead near a ski center in Piedmont, north of the city. Provincial police said Francis Carriere, 31, appeared to have been shot.
The latest incident was the death Thursday of a 32-year-old man reported to have connections with a biker gang at odds with the Hells Angels. Police found the body of Salvatore Gervasi in the trunk of his Porsche on a residential street in St. Leonard, just east of Montreal, after he had been reported missing by his father. The all news channel of the TVA television network reported that Gervasi had once been associated with the Rock Machine, a rival gang to the Hells Angels, and had been approached about switching sides. Experts on biker gangs say retaliation should come as no surprise in the wake of such killings, especially when an elite member such as Hamel is targeted.
“This might accelerate things again and there will be another wave of settling scores,” said RCMP Staff Sgt. Jean-Pierre Levesque, an expert on biker gangs with Criminal Intelligence Service Canada in Ottawa.
More than 135 people have been killed in Quebec’s biker-gang wars since the rivalry between the Hells Angels and Rock Machine first heated up in 1994. One victim was an 11-year-old bystander killed by flying metal following a car explosion in 1995.
Adding to speculation that further violence is likely this year is news that as many as 70 members of the Rock Machine and its affiliates are expected to be released from jail in the coming months after serving various sentences, said Levesque.
“There will obviously be many more soldiers.”
“I’m not saying they will all be ready to fight again, but while they were inside I’m sure not too many of them became born again.”
BLONDE BOMBSHELL– A blonde dials 911 to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher. “They’ve stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, and even the accelerator!” she cries. The 911 dispatcher says, “Stay calm. An officer is on the way. He will be there in two minutes.” Before the police get to the crime scene, however, the 911 dispatcher’s telephone rings a second time, and the same blonde is on the line again. “Never mind,” giggles the blonde, “I got in the back seat by mistake.”
STURGIS 2000 REPORT Garbage, I can hardly wait to fly past your sputtering bitch bike in the Black Hills this summer. If your new scoot runs anything like that wire-smoking, ignition-farting, shock-rips-out-of-the-fender Red Ball Crapper you walk alongside all the time, it’s not going to be much of a contest.
There’s a rumor in the Bikernet garage that you’re going to salvage some parts from that Red Ball Crapper. The S&S engine, sure, the leather on the seat, maybe, but for Pete’s sake, bury the rest of that no-fly-zone hunk of ill-built crap. It’s not a motorcycle, it’s a fuckin’ living room scoot. It’s a yuppie pipe dream made to be bumped across town to the bar with your mechanic riding sidesaddle and a truck full of tools and a lift. Screw that no-running motherfucker.
Should you be dumb enough not to take this wise advice, I suggest you weld a hitch onto those new (and very classy) Weerd Brothers forks and toss about 30 feet of tow rope into your pink back pack, so I can at least drag your ass to Sturgis and watch as every single ballot cast goes into the chromed skull sitting in front of the Bull, because that S&S can’t do its thing wrapped up in that mess of half-assed tinfoil. Tell me you aren’t using anything off of that geometry-mocking Goof Ball scoot that I’ve spent the last year pushing from here to hell and back in SoCal. Soak the fucker in gasoline and cook up some burgers on it and invite the bros for some free grub and beer. Then push whatever doesn’t burn (I’m sure everything that hasn’t already burned has fallen off by now) into the drink and let the Coast Guard put a downed ship marker over the site.
I bet if you asked the boys at Cannetti’s they could find a ship captain who needs an anchor. Weld that fucker to a 30-ton chain and put it to some good use. God knows it’s always been capable of keeping us from going anywhere. I guess I shouldn’t complain, though, it’s helped me put my squat back over 450 to jog all over the mountains of SoCal trying to get the dirty sonuvabitch running every time you shut it down. I believe I’ll use parts built by folks who know how to use a computer, so I can focus on covering highways and writing stories about how many pairs of shoes you go through a week. I’m going to strap that brand-new, ass-puckering 88 RevTech that the generous horsepower Gods at RevTech built into a Paughco frame, hook it to that pussy-smooth Baker 6-speed, and that way we’ll have enough horsepower to get me and your piece of junk over the Rockies. You’ll even be able to bring along one of your old-fashioned wheel guns you’re so fond of to plink at beer cans while I pull you to Sturgis. That is, if you’re not too busy screaming and crying and begging me to slow down when I cut that RevTech loose and wind her up to about 130 miles an hour.
May the best outlaw win. Yours in singing air impact wrenches, Zebra
UNDERSTANDING YOUR PAYCHECK– Gross pay: $1,222.02
Income Tax -244.40
Outgo Tax -45.21
State Tax -5.89
Interstate -61.10
County Tax -6.11
City Tax -12.22
Rural Tax -4.44
Back Tax -1.11
Front Tax -1.16
Side Tax -1.61
Up Tax -2.22
Down Tax -1.11
Tic-Tacs -1.98
Thumbtacks -3.93
Carpet Tacks -0.98
Stadium Tax -0.69
Flat Tax -8.32
Surtax-3.46
Ma’am Tax -5.00
Parking Fee -2.60
No Pkg Fee -5.85
F.I.C.A. -10.00
T.G.I.F. -81.88
Life Ins. -9.95
Health Ins. -3.41
Disability -16.23
Ability -2.50
Liability Ins. -0.25
Dental Ins. – 4.50
Mental Ins. -4.33
Reassurance -0.11
Coffee -6.85
Coffee Cups Calendar -66.51
Floor Rental -3.06
Chair Rental -16.85
Desk Rental -4.32
Union Dues -5.85
Union Don’ts -3.77
Cash Advances -0.69
Cash Retreats -121.35
Overtime -1.26
Undertime -54.83
Eastern Time -9.00
Central Time -8.00
Mntn Time – -7.00
Pacific Time -6.00
GMT -24.00
Bath Time -4.44
Time Out -12.21
Oxygen -10.02
Water -16.54
Electricity -38.23
Heat -51.42
Air -46.83
Misc -144.38
Take Home Pay: $0000.02
(This is where the expression “just my 2 cents worth” came from…)
TITAN SPUTTERING, FUTURE IN DOUBT– (Tracy Hayes/The Arizona Republic) A new machine gets a test ride after rolling off the assembly line at Titan Motorcycle. The company reported an $8.1 million loss for 1999. Its CEO and his wife also recently sold 340,000 shares of stock.
By Max Jarman The Arizona Republic April 20, 2000
Mounting cash flow problems, exacerbated by a just-reported $8.1 million loss for 1999, has prompted auditors of Titan Motorcycle Co. of America to raise questions about the 6-year-old company’s ability to survive.
Also troubling is the recent sale of 340,000 shares of the Phoenix company’s stock by Chief Executive Officer Frank Keery and his wife, Barbara, a director. The Keerys each sold 170,000 shares on March 31 at $2.31 per share. After the 1999 loss was reported April 17, the stock was trading at $1.25. The Keerys each now hold 6,592,878 shares.
“I’d be concerned,” said Craig Columbus, president of Insiderscores.com, a Scottsdale company that tracks insider trading.
Frank Keery said some of the proceeds from the sale were used to secure additional financing for the company.
Titan said it is working on possible solutions that include negotiating a larger line of credit, a private equity placement of $3 million to $5 million, and increased operating efficiencies. In January, the company laid off 40 employees, or about 17 percent of its work force.
But the introduction of a lower-priced line, produced on an assembly line, left the company vulnerable to production problems. Based on a strong initial demand for its cheaper, $25,000 motorcycles, Titan projected it would sell as many as 1,500 units in 1999. That would have generated revenue in the $40 million range.
But production delays, related in part to the company’s liquidity problems, resulted in the sale of only 1,001 units, nine fewer than the year before.
The delays, combined with the expense of gearing up for higher production, eroded the company’s gross profit margin from 15 percent in 1998 to a negative 1 percent in 1999. Adding to a $338,931 production loss were operating expenses that soared to $6.88 million from $3.48 million the year before.
The company attributed the higher costs to an increase in wages and salaries, and higher advertising and promotional expenses.
CEO Keery characterized 1999 as a year of substantial investment aimed at positioning Titan for growth and profitability.
“While we are clearly disappointed with our 1999 results, we are confident that the company is currently back on track after an extraordinarily difficult year,” he said.
Bob Lobban, Titan’s chief financial officer, said the company is making progress in its negotiations with new lenders and is optimistic its production problems have been solved. Pending the resolution of the cash flow issue, Lobban estimated the company should show an operating profit in the second quarter of this year.
BIKERNET CORRECTION– Certain species of apes have sex for pleasure as well as dolphins and humans. Like the funkin’ site; it’s comfortable, kinda like the hole-in-the-wall bar down the street and across the country. Reading your stuff I find an anal retentive Hunter S. Thompson and a grammatical Jack Kerouac…take two Quaaludes and get back to the funkin’ typewriter. So long and thanks for all the fish.
THINGS I WISH I HAD SAID– The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
I work hard because millions on welfare depend on me!
Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
BEER: It’s not just for breakfast anymore.
So you’re a feminist…Isn’t that cute!
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
Earth first…we’ll mine the other planets later.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
QUOTES TO REMEMBER– In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower? –Warren Hutcherson
Every time a baseball player grabs his crotch, it makes him spit. That’s why you should never date a baseball player. –Marsha Warfield
I had a linguistics professor who said that it’s man’s ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may be. But I think there’s one other thing that separates us from animals. We aren’t afraid of vacuum cleaners. –Jeff Stilson
DALLAS EASYRIDERS NEEDS MECHANICS–The hottest shop in the Dallas Fort Worth region is in need of a couple of top-notch Harley mechanics. If you like a shop with a life, lots of action, and custom motorcycles, call Rick Fairless, better yet call his wife Tina. No wait, now that I think about it call the future owner Lena. She’s the cutest of them all. (214) 357-0707.
AH, WEDDING BLISS– At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, “Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?” The other replied, “Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.”
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” And the father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
Young Son: “Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?” Dad: That happens in every country, son.
Jay Leno Will Rock Love Ride 17–Jay has admitted to taking on the reigns of Love Ride 17 as the Grand Marshall. The Love Ride is the annual November motorcycle rally in Los Angeles. It was founded by Oliver, the owner of Glendale Harley-Davidson. It’s a charity ride benefiting the L.A. Times’ literacy program, the MDA, and Bikernet’s Group Homes for Boys. This year it’s expected to draw 20,000 riders and raise over a million in donations. Thanks, Oliver and Jay.
THANKS FOR CLEARING THIS SHIT UP– If it’s not a Harley, it sucks. If you ask why, you’re a fag. Love it or leave it. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Fuck you.
Helmets are for fags.
If you had a brain, you’d protect it. Since you don’t, I’ll pass a law, you dick.
Rare bikes should be bought for collectors’ value and never ridden so that they’ll be around for years to come.
Every bike should be ridden. If it isn’t, you shouldn’t own it, you poser yuppie-born insecure motherfucker.
People who ride rare bikes have no respect for the importance of the history they are destroying, you lowlife redneck
JOIN A MOTORCYCLE RIGHTS ORGANIZATION– I don’t care which one, and I don’t care if you go to meetings or not, just join, pay your dues, and be proud that you did.
TITAN LAUNCHES ON-LINE STORE– Titan announced the launch of their e-commerce site where Titan enthusiasts may purchase clothing and accessories. In the coming months, Titan intends to expand the store’s offerings beyond existing products to include exclusive motorcycle accessories, specialty hardware, and components.
DID YOU KNOW–A pig’s orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. Oh, to be a pig. And don’t tell me those lions who mate 50 times a day aren’t enjoying it.
EXCELSIOR-HENDERSON NEW BOARD– First, Excelsior-Henderson will be in Laughlin this weekend. They will have their new models available for demo rides and new accessories for enthusiasts to check out. Get this from the American Motorcycle Network: “A Florida investor group, E-H. Partners, comprises the attempted reorganization and acquisition of E-H, according to a report by the Star Tribune. The reog. plan proposes a new board that will include the president of an accounting firm and two attorneys, all of Florida. Dave and Dan Hanlon will complete the board.” For a minute there, I was getting the impression that “all of Florida will be on the board.” That’s a lot of blue-haired old ladies.
IN CLOSING THE GARAGE DOOR– I’m headed to the garage for some final tweaking of the touring chopper for the midnight Laughlin River Run. I just finished another saga for Horse Magazine. It’s a grizzly tale of woe for two riders who live in San Pedro, California. Nothing they do seems to go right, but they have a helluva good time being constant fuck-ups.
Listen, there’s a lot of talk around about stock prices and shit from various companies. We got drunk last night and made a board resolution not to announce stock-related news. Hell, who cares, we don’t have enough money to buy stock, anyway. This lifestyle is all about building and riding motorcycles, the rest is for the businessmen to fret over. Let me know your vote–pro-business news, or against it.
Next week we’ll take photos of the Sturgis 2000 projects and begin to keep you up to date on the progress. Sure, I drink Jack Daniel’s and chase women, but we’ll get those bikes on the road before you know it. Also, I’ll let you know what’s happening with the book outlines that have flown to New York for evaluation. I’m itchin’ to start another book.
We’re planning to write a couple of books on the site in the near future, and publish Prize Possession, which is out of print. Watch for ’em. Now, I’ve got to get out to the garage, load that bastard to the gills, pray it hangs together, and get out of town before she realizes I’m gone. See ya at the Rainbow Bar.
–Bandit
