Continued From Page 3
HAVING A BAD DAY?–Having a Bad Day? In a hospital’s Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in thesame bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 a.m., regardless oftheir medical condition.
This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something todo with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to whythe deaths occurred around 11:00 a.m. on Sunday, so a worldwideteam of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of theincidents.
The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 a.m., all ofthe doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see forthemselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some wereholding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects toward off the evil spirits.
Just when the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson, the part-timeSunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life supportsystem so he could use the vacuum cleaner.
–from Skooter
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In My Back Pocket
Since The Age of Sixteen
This Chain Driven Wallet’s
Sure Been Good To Me
~
She Isn’t Pretty
The Snap’s Long Since Gone
The Leather’s Old
Yeah, It’s Getting Pretty Thin
Bill Dividers Falling Apart
Bursting At The Seams
~
One Whole Corner’s
Wore All The Way Through
Years Of Laying On Concrete
She Has More Than
Paid Her Dues
~
Why Don’t I Replace Her
Many Of You Ask
There’s Many A Mile Left
In This Piece Of
Old Cow Hide
But Since Ya Asked
Here’s A Few More
Reasons Why
~
Soft As A Babies Ass
Cured In Twenty – Fifty
Has Insured She Will Last
Chains Came In Handy
Yeah It’s Saved My Ass
~
Besides This Old
Chain Driven Wallet
Is Full Of American Class
Not To Mention It Fits
The Curve In This
Graying Biker’s Ass
~
Like An Old Panhead
You Wouldn’t Just
Throw It Away
Patch It And Hold
On To It
Until Your Dying Day
This Chain Driven Wallet
Is Here To Stay
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Composed By Panhead Josh Of Outlaws World.
BIKERNET ETIQUETTE–A couple was dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They turned on anight-light, turned the answering machine on the phone line, covered theirpet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. They phoned the local cabcompany and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and the couple opened thefront door to leave their house.
The cat they had put out into the yard scoots back into the house. Theydon’t want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat thebird. The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes inside to get thecat. The cat runs upstairs, the man in hot pursuit.
Waiting in the cab, the wife doesn’t want the driver to know the house willbe empty for the night. She explains to the taxi driver that her husbandwill be out soon.
“He’s just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother.”
A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. “Sorry I took solong,” he says, as they drive away. “Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed.Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried totake off so I grabbed her by the neck. Then I had to wrap her in a blanketto keep her from scratching me. But it worked. I hauled her fat assdownstairs and threw her out into the back yard!”
The cabdriver hit a parked car…
–from Skooter
BIKERNET STURGIS SIDEBAR–Met these people and the parents each rode one of the kids and the son just got his license.
–Rogue
NEW AUTO STEREO SYSTEM– A woman bought a new Luxury Automobile, and returned the next day, complaining that she couldn’t figure out how the radio worked.
Thesalesman explained that the radio was voice activated. “Watch this! “he said…”Nelson!” The radio replied, “Ricky or Willie?” “Willie!” he continued….and “On The Road Again” came from the speakers.
The womandrove away happy, and for the next few days, every time she’d say,”Beethoven”, she’d get beautiful classical music, and if she said, “Beatles!” she’dget one of their awesome songs. One day, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed her new car,but she swerved in time to avoid them.
“ASSHOLES!” she yelled……
The French National Anthem began to play, sung by the Dixie Chicks….
–from Skooter
STURGIS RALLY QUESTIONNAIRE– The city of Sturgis wants to get to know the thousands of bikers who visit the town each year for the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally, and it’s using technology to get the job done.
For the first time in rally history, participants may register via computer. Three kiosks of nine computers are located at Lazelle and Main streets, the main drags of Sturgis.
“We were missing out on creating a list that would be of value to the event,” said Sturgis Mayor Mark Zeigler. “Tourism is an ever-changing industry, and we have to keep abreast.”
Zeigler said Snap-On Inc., an automotive tools company based in Kenosha, Wis., volunteered to create the computer program and provide the hardware, saving the city about $40,000. In exchange, Snap-On will receive information about registered rallygoers such as the brands of bikes they ride and their income levels.
Scott Ramsey, e-commerce developer with Snap-On, said that as of Monday evening, 3,600 rallygoers had registered. Rally officials estimate 500,000 people are attending the 64th annual rally.
Participants enter their names, mailing addresses, phone numbers and e-mail addresses. They are given the option to answer questions regarding their income, hobbies and the types of motorcycles they ride in order to win a prize from Snap-On.
“The chicks really dig a guy who’s registered,” joked Brad Clausen of Colorado Springs, Colo. “Seriously, I’m registering for the free stuff.”
–Monica Labelle, Argus Leader
–from Rogue
BIKERNET POLITICAL INVESTIGATION–Senator Hillary Clinton was attending a party, when she noticed Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger. She walked over to him, and in a quiet voice said; “If you were my husband I would poison your drink.”
Schwarzenegger smiled, leaned forward, and whispered in her ear,”And if you were my wife I would drink it!”
–from Skooter
SUPER MAX BELT DRIVES– has a history of belt drive expertise that pre-dates Harley-Davidson adopting the method for OEM transmission.Principal Phil Ross offered belt drive conversions for Harley-Davidson using a development of a Gates Kevlar-reinforced belt, originally intended for snowmobiles.
A range of conversion kits has been developed and is on offer, but the latest news from Super Max claims a unique service, an overlay pulley that will fit most OEM and aftermarket pulleys.Many of these aluminum items are worn out after mileages as low as 15,000.The teeth become sharpened, the pitch is lost and belt wear becomes rapid.
The overlay process involves turning the worn out teeth from the pulley and reducing it in diameter until the correct fit is achieved for the ‘poly-tooth’ overlay.In use, the overlay remains unaffected by dust and small debris.The conversion is also quieter running than the stock arrangement.
It is said that if the correct tension and alignment are maintained, the Super Max poly pulley may well outlast the rest of the motorcycle.Overlays are usually offered in black, but there are options of many other colors.
As well as the usual 65- or 70-teeth overlays, there are alternative ratios for primary and final drives for Big Twins and a choice of final drives for Sportster models.The overlay can be supplied alone, but Super Max points out that a large lathe will be necessary to perform the conversion.
Specialty drives are also offered for chain-drive FXRs and FLTs.
With its conversions, Super Max still supplies and fits Gates Poly-chain belts.
SUPER MAX BELT DRIVES
Kalispell, Montana, USA
Tel: 406 755 8688
E-mail: supermax@supermax.net
www.supermax.net
BASSINI ?05 POWER CURVE– There?s no disputing the facts, Bassani?s new true dual POWER CURVE crossover system outperforms the competition hands down. Now available for ?2005? models exclusively from North County Customs, each POWER CURVE system is a direct bolt-on replacement for stock head pipes.
Designed to achieve proper port angle and tuned rear pipe length, the POWER CURVE offers improved low end torque, high tech appearance and a unique exhaust note. POWER CURVE pipes are fabricated from 16 gauge steel, finished in rugged, show quality chrome and are supplied with custom designed heat shields.
For a total custom package complete your POWER CURVE exhaust system with a set of Bassani?s revolutionary slip-on mufflers. The Bassani POWER CURVE retails for $449.00.
For additional details call 866-439-4287 or catch the full Bassani line at www.northcountycustoms.com.
THAT’S IT–My entire face is throbbing. I’m going to drink an entire bottle of Jack and shoot myself. No shit, I want to work on my new project. Some CCI parts arrived today.
Since I’m not worth the powder to blow me to hell, let’s end this with a goddamn wedding. Scooter and his lovely wife tied the chain belt and rode to Sturgis. They’re in the Black Hill right now playing the honeymoon rock.
If you see them hanging on a street corner, give them my very best and tell ’em to get the wedding vows tattooed on their arms, so when they’re pissed they can remind themselves of the initial agreement.
I can’t take anymore fun like this. I can’t drink the Jack according to the Doctor’s orders, so I’ll smack myself with the bottle. Have a helluva weekend and bring all the riders home safe from Sturgis.
Ride Forever,
–Bandit
