Just returned from a 900 mile round trip to deliver my ’31 VL to the auction block in Pebble Beach. Keep your fingers crossed that there’s a home run in my future. Well Sturgis is behind us and I’ll let the reports from Jose, Ozark Ed, TBear and CrazyHorse, who didn’t go, paint a picture of another Rally in the Badlands. Let’s get to the news and a taste of what’s to come:
AMAZING SHRUNKEN FXR PROJECT CONTINUES–Watch for another report as we install the modified Cyril Huze oil bag in the Kenny Boyce frame. Everything must be modified to fit. Soon we’ll begin on the one-off terrible, home made exhaust system. Let’s see how bad we screw up this project.
Aside from all our blunders, the bike is looking good.
ANDY ROONEY ON FABRIC SOFTNER– My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. ThenI noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under theirbreath, “Married!” and walking away.
Fabric Softeners are how our wives marktheirterritory. We can take off the ring, but it’s hard to get that Aprilfreshscent out of your clothes.–from Nuttboy
Photo from TBear
FIRST REPORT-OZARK ED ON STURGIS 2002– DAY ONE, TUESDAY: we met at a commuter parking lot on the interstate on Tuesday morning at 6:00 a.m. I had never met Mark, the crop duster pilot or Chuckie, the farmer, before. They are buddies of Tiny. I had met bartender John and Jimmy the business owner, and we had never had any conflict before so I was positive about the trip. We all said our hellos and hit the road. John didn’t ride. He had his bike in a van and follwed us. I was glad to have the truck in case I had trouble. I was going to put my bike in the van and ride John’s bike.
We agreed to go about 120 miles and then do a milage check so we could see what kind of range we had. We went on I-40 and stopped for gas and breakfast. While we were eating, the bottom fell out and the rain poured. We ran outside and covered our stuff in trash bags and waited for about 30 minutes. It did not let up so we put on the rain gear and treked on. The rain lasted about 50 miles, then it cleared off and got hot. We made it about 650 miles to liberal, Kansas. We got a room at a motel and went to eat. As we were standing in the parking lot drinking beer, Chuckie said hey there’s a titty bar across the street. We went there and the dancer, that’s right, dancer, was not that cute. She did a set of two songs then said, “20 bucks or no more dancing.” We all told her she would have to be naked and ramming large dildos up her ass to get 20 bucks from us– how about that? The first night on the road and I’m already in trouble with the bouncer. Damn.
Anyway we went back to the motel and drank a whole bunch of beer and got to know the other guys. Chuckie is a cock hound like you have never been around. He has tunnel vision, no pun intended. Mark is a quiet guy who doesn’t party. He and Tiny were buddies growing up and they still hang around each other some. Bartender John is a high drama guy. I got stuck rooming with him as I was the new guy to the bunch. Chuckie and Jimmie were childhood friends and they roomed together.
DAY TWO, WEDNESDAY: We got up at about 9 am and knew we only had about 400 miles to go that day. We rode across Kansas and stopped at most every beer joint in the state. That’s only about five. We kept passing these big old corrals of cows that had a stench that you could smell, no shit, for 5 miles on each side of it. We stopped in Oakley, Kansas and were eating and drinking. I asked our waitress what the deal is? She said it’s a feeder lot, and they had been raised that the feeder lot smells like money. we heard that about fifty thousand times as we made our way across Kansas and Nebraska. we stopped in Thedford, Nebraska for the night. At the motel there was a restaurant and club. we went there and we were the only customers. Chuckie was trying to score off of the waitress. Any port in a storm, no luck though.
DAY THREE, THURSDAY: We were only about 200 miles from Interior, South dakota, where we had a room for the night. Yhis is at the base of the Badlands. We got there about noon and checked in to a dump of a motel. We rode through the Badlands all day and went back to the motel. Interior is a very small town but has a few bars. We met a wild ass girl who was wearing only a bra. She was too nasty even for Chuckie. We went to a bar, and I sat out in the parking lot with 3 Lokota Indian girls and got so drunk. we talked all night about what it’s like growing up on a reservation. It just seals in my mind that there ain’t nothing better than being a southern white man.
DAY FOUR, FRIDAY: we went to Spearfish and checked in at the dorm of the college. I didn’t have a room and they said no crashing on the floor. It seemed for a while that I was not going to have a place to stay, but after the guys got checked in, we went to Sturgis and drank at the Broken Spoke till late. When we got back, I got friendly with the girls who check you in and out. I showed them a picture of my girl and whined about how I missed her. They said I was the sweetest man on earth, and could they do anything to help. I told them no but thanks. Anyway, every time I came in to the building they would just wave and say hey, so I was golden.
DAY FIVE, SATURDAY: big day of riding. went all over. You know the places. Hit every bar along the way.
DAY FIVE, SUNDAY: party day. went to the Holiday inn in spearfish to see the Hamsters’ bikes. I was surprised that Jerry’s bike was just average in that pack. They were incredible bikes. I drank some beer with Jerry for a while and they went to their banquet.
DAY SIX: MONDAY: took the farm boys out to see naked parade at Glencoe. I think they still haven’t gotten over that.
DAY SEVEN TUESDAY: party day.
DAY EIGHT WEDNESDAY: left for home. made it 500 miles to McCook Nebraska.
DAY NINE, THURSDAY: made it to Ft. Smith, Arkansas. Nothing like home. One last day of party. Home on friday.
–Ozark Ed
–photo from TBear
STRUGIS MUD–Did you hear about the mudslide that hit Donny Smith’s place is Deadwood? Click was there and saw the bikes buried in mud. I guess one bike got wrecked by a tree.
Could that have been Danny Gray’s place?
–Crazyhorse
STURGIS, HOT OF THE PRESS–TBear is the first to flash us a full-on Sturgis Report. It will be posted with shots today. He will follow up with reports on more segments for the wild rally as he sobers up. He interviewed Jesse Ventura and Sonny Barger in his extensive roamings of the Badlands. Don’t miss it.
BIKERNET ON POLICE RELATIONS–Do not say to a cop,” I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be apolice officer.”
SECOND ANNUAL ANGELINA 9/11 MEMORIAL RIDE–Remember the bike feature ‘Old School for a Friend’? Well on September 1st, 2002 the builder will beholding the second annual Angelini 9/11 Memorial Ride in memory of his buddyJoe Angelini Jr.
Ted Arsen of the HORSE will be there to cover the event. If by chance youare in or around NY on September 1st, ride on out.
–Frank Falco
Audiovox Corporation
150 Marcus Blvd.
Hauppauge, NY 11788
631-436-6524
ORWELL LOOKING FOR BIKE SHOPS–We are looking for bike shops to sell Sam Chopper Orwell. A dealer order consist of 12 books and counter display and shop poster for $9.00 a copy. Retail is $14.00. If you act now we’ll put a shop banner on Bikernet Links page which is usually a $30.00 charge. Such a deal. Drop a line to Sinwu@bikernet.com.
NEWS FLASH–Polish air disaster–Poland’s worst air disaster occurred today whena small 2-seater plane crashed into a cemetery this morning.
Polish search and rescue workers have recovered826 bodies so far and expect that the number willclimb as the digging continues into the night.
–from Ray R.
BIKERNET CORRESPONDENT AUDITIONS FOR TV SERIES–For a co-host position of “Two Chicks on a Harley” TV show. The show isabout two women who travel the USA experiencing life on the road, thepeople, the unpredictable, and the wind sisterhood bond that developsbetween two strangers who share a passion for motorcycles, road adventuresand the lifestyle. The two women will actually host the show, bringing theaudience along on their ride and experiences. It’s a reality TV show butfrom the genuine perspective, NO sensationalism. Think Jack K’s “On theRoad” and Robert Pirsig’s “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle…”, CharlesKuralt….
Sasha has a shot at the roll and we’ve got our fingers crossed.
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