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ALL NEW BIKERNET MEDICAL STAFF ADVICE COLUMN–Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats and that’s it. Everythingwears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer;that’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster.Want to live longer? Take a nap.
RAY PROCE RUNS ALL 200 MPH PASSES-FINALS RESCHEDULED FOR NORWALK– NC’s Harley-Davidson dealer qualified thirdat the CarQuest Northern Nationals, Mid Michigan Motorplex, Stanton, Mich. In afield where the top seven teams ran in excess of 200 is significant but Price’sconsistency was just dazzling. ?All Price passes were in excess of 200,another feather in the cap of the Hall of Fame inductee.
“The team really worked hard and really hung together. We were the mostconsistent bike on the track all weekend.” (202.45, 205.13, 207.46, 208.49,211.63, and 214.45 mph) “We scuffed a piston and have minimal work to dobefore the next race,” said Price.
Price had left Raleigh feeling good about his team and his Screamin’ EagleNitro Harley-Davidson and was well prepared for the next two weeks of racingbut after making it too the final round, he’ll have to wait for the finalpass at Stanton. ?IHRA officials deemed the shutdown to be unsafe for thenitro two-wheelers and the CarQuest Northern National final between Price andSteve Stordeau will be postponed until Norwalk, Ohio, Aug. 23-26. ?
Ray Price Racing is supported by Ray Price Harley Davidson, Raleigh HOG, S &S Cycle, Cintas, Power Arc Ignition Co., Ultra Pro Machining, JIMS, RoyalPurple Synthetic Motor Oil, Shumaker Racing, Performance Machine, BarnettTool & Engineering, Vanson’s, Carolina Cobras, and Wilder’s Inc
ESTOK DOMINATES BUELL PRO THUNDER AT BRAINERD– If ever there was the perfect setup, TilleyH-D/Buell’s David Estok had it as he lead from start to finish on Sunday toclaim his second victory of the year in the Buell Pro Thunder Series at theColonel’s Brainerd International Raceway.
“The bike ran perfect all weekend,” said Estok, who continued Buell’s streakof six straight Pro Thunder podium finishes. “We made one suspension change,and that was all it needed. The only other change was putting on new tiresfor the race.”After earning the pole with a dominant heat race performance Saturday, Estoksurged from the start down Brainerd’s mile-long straight away.
“I got a great start and then held it wide open through turn one,” saidEstok. “The others couldn’t hold it wide open in the first turn because theyweren’t sure what those in front of them would do. That was a bigadvantage.”Estok, who became the first two-time winner of the season with the win, wasnever challenged. He is currently fourth in overall series points.
“It was a great win for Dave,” said Buell Race Manager Henry Duga. “He wasdominant all weekend. He was the fastest in practice, the fastest in theheats and the fastest in the race.”
Jeffrey Nash finished second and series points-leader Thomas Montano placedthird, both aboard DucatisTilley H-D/Buell’s Tripp Nobles had a poor start, but battled back to secondbefore a mechanical forced his exit with just a couple laps remaining.
“It’s disappointing, because we had a good bike and I thought I was evengaining on Dave,” said Nobles.Hal’s H-D/Buell rider Mike Ciccotto, riding with a broken finger and afractured wrist, overcame a pit stop to replace a plug wire, and finishedseventh. He is currently second in overall series points.The Buell squad will return to action next weekend, Aug. 3-5, in the BuellPro Thunder Series at Summit Point Raceway in Summit Point, WV (WERANational).?
WHY– are Jewish men circumcised?Because Jewish women won’t touch anything unless it is 20 percent off.
PICOTTE TAKES 11TH, SMITH 12TH AT PRAINERD–Harley-Davidson VR 1000 Superbike racerPascal Picotte finished 11th while teammate Mike Smith took 12th Sunday atthe Colonel’s Brainerd International Raceway in the 11th round of the AMASuperbike Series.According to Harley-Davidson Director of Racing John Baker, the VR 1000’shorsepower shortage was evident on Brainerd’s mile-long straight. However,Baker said, expected horsepower improvements should be seen in the nearfuture.
“The development team has been hard at work in developing improved power andengine performance,” said Baker. “Those changes are currently being testedand evaluated. Based on those tests, we expect to see gains on the tracksoon.”
Picotte and Smith battled each other throughout Sunday’s race, swappingpositions numerous times during the 21-lap event.”He would get me in one corner and then I would draft and get by him – wehad some fun,” said Smith. “He had a little better set up off the cornersand once he got a lapped rider between us later in the race, I couldn’t doanything about that.”
Honda’s Nicky Hayden took first at Brainerd, edging teammates Kurtis Robertsand Miguel Duhamel, who took second and third respectively.The Harley-Davidson VR 1000 Team will next race Aug. 24-26 in the AMASuperbike Series at Pikes Peak International Raceway in Fountain, CO.
BIKERNET GOLF REPORT–A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor. He said “How bad is it doc? I’m going on my honeymoon next week and my fiance is still a virgin in every way.” The doctor told him, “I’ll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week”. So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage, and wired it all together…an impressive work of art.
The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries her, and goes on their honeymoon. That night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he saw them.
She said, “You’re the first, no one has ever touched these breasts.” He immediately drops his pants and replies, “Look at this, it’s still in the CRATE!”
–from Chris T.
BIKERNET GUN REPORT–The Chicago Police Department and the Illinois State Police have teamed upto make good on Mayor Daley’s pledge that, if it were up to him, nobodywould have a gun. Daley and his elite “CAGE” unit are apparently takingadvantage of gun privacy loopholes to pinpoint certain individuals forinclusion in the confiscation program.
The ISRA is following up on leads in one case that has distrubingimplications.An elderly first-generation Chicago resident was recently paid a visit byan Illinois State Police trooper. After asking to come inside the man’shome, the trooper asked if the man owned a gun – to which he replied yes.The trooper then directed the individual to surrender the firearm. The mancomplied with the officer’s demand and the trooper left with the gun.
And the story gets better… The gun in question was purchased legally bythe man in the 1970s shortly after he became a U.S. citizen. When Chicago’sinfamous gun registration scheme went into effect in the early 1980s, theman registered the firearm as per the requirement. However, over the years,the fellow apparenlty forgot to re-register the firearm, and forgot torenew his Illinois FOID Card. So…what does this all mean?
In the last edition of The Illinois Shooter, we reported on the activitiesof a shady taskforce known as the Chicago Anti Gun Efforcement (CAGE) unit.This elite squad, operated jointly by the Illinois State Police, theChicago Police Department, and the Cook County State’s Attorney’s Office,supposedly exists to identify illegal gunrunners. However, informationgained by the ISRA makes it clear that the CAGE unit is targeting law-abiding citizens, not criminal gunrunners. Thanks to a ruling by a liberalfederal judge, the CAGE unit now has the name of every single person in theUnited States who, since 1992, lawfully purchased more than one handgun inthe period of a week. The CAGE unit also has all the makes, models andserial numbers of those guns. In essence, the Chicago Police Department isnow registering guns and gun owners nationwide.
SUPER-VEE REPORT– Here is a photo of me and the Vee camping at O’Keefe historic ranch during the vintage flat tracking. Nice pastoral scene, and it started 2nd kick after sitting out all night. Wonder if anyone had a fit over you running that bit about my Vee? Allan.
FIRE FIGHTER REPORT II–A fire fighter is cleaning the truck outside the station when henoticesthe little boy next door with a little red wagon with little laddershung on the side. The boy is wearing a fire fighter’s helmet and hasthe wagon tied to a dog and a cat. The fire fighter says, “Hey little partner, what are you doing?” The little boy says, “I’m pretending to be a fireman, and this ismy fire truck.”
The fire fighter walks over to take a closer look. “That’s surea nicefiretruck,” he says with admiration. He looks closer and notices theboy has tied the wagon to the dog’s collar, and to the cat’s testicles.
“Little partner,” the fire fighter says, “I don’t want to tellyou how torig your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around thecat’s collar,I think you could go faster.”
The boy says, “You’re probably right, mister, but then I wouldn’t have a siren.”
–From Kris B.
BIKERNET TAHITI RIDERS REPORT– I’m trying to hook up a network for the Tahiti Harley Riders club.These are the most righteous guys I’ve ever met. They do extensive workfor the disabled kids in French Polynesia. There is a high birth defectrate there and the French Gov’t doesn’t do enough for the kids there.
They raise whatever money they can for them but it never seems to beenough. When it comes to their getting parts for their bikes, they saveup all year and send one of the members to Bartel’s in L.A. to hook up.They have never heard of V-Twin, Midwest or Jammer…Also they have topay a 100% duty on all new parts they bring back to Tahiti.
I contacted some companies on their behalf as well as a few local NYshops that I know and have arranged for them to be able to get parts fortheir scoots at dealer cost through Skip’s cycle center in Kingston NYand Twin-Tech in Catskill. I’m gonna donate the shipping costspersonally.
This morning I cleaned out my garage of all my oldparts and forked over $300 to ship them to them. The P.O wanted another$150 to ship the catalouges…I contacted Meloney at V-Twin and Gary atMid-West and they are going to send the catalogues to Tahiti for me. These guys are good people.
–Teddy Bear
tbear@mhcable.com
BIKERNET SENIORS SUMMARY–Maude and Claude, both 91, lived in a senior citizen’s residence.They ?met one day in the social center, and discovered over time that theyenjoyed each other’s company. After several weeks of meeting forcoffee, Claude asked Maude out for dinner and she accepted. They had alovely evening and afterward Claude asked Maude to join him at his ?placefor an after-dinner drink.
Things continued along a natural courseand, age being no inhibitor, ?Maude soon joined Claude for a mostenjoyable roll in the feathers. As ?they were basking in the glow of themagic moments they’d shared, each ?was lost for a time in their ownthoughts. ?
Claude was thinking: “If I’d known she was a virgin, I’dhave been more gentle.” ?
Maude was thinking: “If I’d known he couldstill get it up, I’d have ?taken off my panty hose!”
Latest big-tire scooter.
BIKERNET LAWSUIT ADVICE COLUMN–A Charlotte NC lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive ?cigars then insured them against fire among other things. ?? ?
??Within a month having smoked his entire stockpile of these great ?cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost “in a series of small fires.” ?? ?
??The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: ?that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. ?? ??
?The lawyer sued….and won! ??
???In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with the insurance company ??that the claim was frivolous. The Judge ???stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company ?in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that ??it would insure them against fire, without defining what is ???considered to be “unacceptable fire,” and was obligated to pay the claim. ? ?? ??
?Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance ??company accepted the ruling and paid ???$15,000.00 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the “fires.” ?? ?
??NOW FOR THE BEST PART… ?? ???After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him ?arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!! ???With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case ?being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his ????insured property and sentenced him to 24 months in jail and a $24,000.00 fine. ?? ???
This is a true story and was the 1st place winner in the recent ?Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.
–From Gene Koch
WHY MEN ARE NOT SECRETARIES– ? ? Husband’s note on the refrigerator to his wife: ? Doctor’s office called; said “Pabst beer is normal”. ? ?
–From Kris B.
Blonde with cute pussy.
SONNY BARGER DIGEST–Sonny is visiting club brothers in Europe, appearing and signing booksin Germany for the next four days in L?beck, Wiesbaden, Frankfurt,Stuttgart and Mullfingen/Buchenbach. Then he makes one stop inSweden (Gothenburg) and another in Norway (Trondheim).Details for this tour are posted here:http://sonnybarger.com/meet
The new Sonny Barger screen saver for Windows is now available.Download and try it on your computer today:http://sonnybarger.com/scr
Maybe some people were bragging but we are impressed with the resultsof the last poll (sex on a motorcycle). See for yourself, and vote in thecurrent poll about where you go after death:http://sonnybarger.com/pollBut don’t get stuck in front of that computer all the time — get out andenjoy yourself in the wind!
BIKERNET THUNDER OVER DIXIE BROADCAST–Listed below are the various levels of participation in Thunder Over Dixie. Participation levels are linked with a donation to the Muscular Dystrophy Association, and all levels of participation include all-access to celebrity riders and all the festivities, and a membership to Motorcycle Touring Service (emergency roadside service and towing) for the length of the ride. Please note when reading below that passengers are NOT required to pay a fee to ride along. Rooms along the route are procured by the participant.
WHAT YOU GET
RidersHARDCORE($320. INCLUDED in this amount is a $100 donation to MDA. Official Thunder Jacket, T-Shirt, Hat, Pin, Roadside Emergency Insurance, Map, Dinner at each stop, Ride Sticker.
VIP($200INCLUDED in this amount is a $50 donation to MDA.Sweatshirt, T-Shirt , Pin, Roadside Emergency Insurance, Map, Dinner at each stop, Ride Sticker.
REBEL($120INCLUDED in this amount is a $25 donation to MDA. T-Shirt, Pin, Hat, Insurance, Meals, Ride Sticker
PassengersHARDCORE($300INCLUDED in this amount is a $100 donation to MDA. Official Thunder Jacket, T-Shirt, Hat, Pin, Map, Dinner at each stop.
VIP($180INCLUDED in this amount is a $50 donation to MDA.Sweatshirt, T-Shirt, Pin, Map, Dinner at each stop
REBEL($100INCLUDED in this amount is a $25 donation to MDA.T-Shirt, Pin, Hat, Dinner at each stop.
SPECIAL ARTIST’S REPORT–We were fortunate enough to run into a very special bike artist at the Beach Ride Recently. Just before the run to Sturgis Chris Kallas and his lovely wife Nancy came to the Bikernet Headquarters for an interview. After the accident the notes were burnt in the Buell blaze, Bandit’s memory was slammed against the Wyoming pavement so the scattered story had to be rewritten several times before we could release it. Check it out, but don’t blame me if it doesn’t make sense. He’s a helluva artist, though.
–Renegade
BIKERNET NEWS ENDING–We are just about to release a feature on the new Kiwi Indian flathead engines. That’s it. I’m hammered, although I know there has got to be more to report on. Gimme a pain pill and a naked nurse. That’s all I can handle, although I promise to finish the Sturgis saga in the next couple days. Rumor has it that there were over 400,000 riders in Sturgis last year and less than 300,000 this round. More reports will be forthcoming. Rest and be kind, you have not a goddamn thing to prove–Bandit
