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FIVE CANNIBALS– Five cannibals get hired at the local manufacturing plant. During thewelcoming orientation, the HR Manager says, “You’re all part of ourteam now. You can earn good money here. You will have good benefits, andyoucan go to the vending machines for something to eat, so please don’t botherany of the other employees.” The cannibals promised.
Four weeks later the HR Manager calls them in to the office and says,”You’re all working very hard, and we’re very satisfied with all of you.However, one of our janitors has disappeared. Do any of you know whathappened to him?” The cannibals all shake their heads no.
After the HR Manager has left, the leader of the cannibals says totheothers, “Which one of you idiots ate the janitor?” A hand raiseshesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals replies, “You fool!!
Forfour weeks, we’ve been eating Managers and Administrators and no one noticedanything, and YOU had to go and eat the janitor!”
H-D 45 cu. in. Three Wheeler, picture taken about 1970. That’s all we know.
–Bob T.
THE DOUR DAILY–Al-Qaeda is once again calling for the destruction of America. I got news for them: They can’t ruin the American way of life only Wall Street can do that!
Speaking of stocks, mine split today. You know what that means, a stock split? It means my stocks just split! They are gone!
Stocks are bad, corporations are corrupt and people are losing jobs. Do you think God might be a little upset about that pledge thing? Hey, you’re all on your own now!
On the front of USA Today they had a color graph of the states with the highest reported cases of sunburn. You know which state had the highest rate? Wisconsin. Now, I don’t know if they get more sunburns in Wisconsin, but apparently they have nothing better to do than sit around and report they have sunburns!
The United States has a new weapon. It destroys people but leaves buildings still standing it’s called the stock market!
Do you know the difference between Las Vegas and Wall Street? In Vegas after you lose your money you still get free drinks.
Congress voted the other day 97 to 0 for tougher laws on corporations. So now when a corporation buys a senator, they need a receipt.
The Republicans might go to Florida for the convention in the 2004 election. Returning to the scene of the crime.
–from Nuttboy
SMOKING TIP–Do you live in America and do you smoke ?if you do, visit www.otdirect.bizhosting.comif you do not, please disregard this message.
–James Beattie
MISSING FATBOBS– These are the Tanks I sold about 15 years ago. I had them on my bike years ago. A friend painted them.I walked in a bike shop up here and they were in a display case.
I said “Those are my Fucking tanks” and everyone took a stepbackwards, they thought they were stolen and I was there to kick some ass.
But I told them the story.?I traded some saddle bags for them to get them back.
–BT
NEWS FROM WHITEHORSE PRESS–What’s been hot this summer you ask? Everything, everyday! But, for summerriding, it’s what’s hot that’s cool that counts. And that’s the AirhawkSeat Cushion with the revolutionary Dry Flotation technology that eliminatespainful pressure points and promotes consistent blood flow for a longer,cooler, more comfortable ride.http://www.whitehorsepress.com/email.asp?cn=50245&en=en0208&id=cvra
No more numbness you ask? No more aching butt muscles? That’s right. Thecushion’s adjustable air inflation and multiple cells provide a custom fitto your personal contour, making the last mile feel like the first. Smallinterconnected air cells move pressure away from “hot spots” and work asmini shock absorbers, reducing vibration. An open mesh side panel allowsair to circulate, creating extra ventilation to reduce heat build-up andprevent “hot seat.”
Popular motojournalist David Hough discovered the pleasure of an Airhawk onhis last cross-country trip, 4,000 miles into a 6,400 miler: “I was inserious butt pain, and in drastic need of something to ease it. The oldsheepskin wasn’t working any more. So, in desperation, I plotted a newcourse to an outlet I knew that carried Airhawks, and slapped one on mysaddle. The relief was immediate, and allowed me to knock off the 2,400miles home in relative comfort, without having to stand on the pegs forthree days.”
2003 FASTDATES.COM CALENDARS SELLING FAST– The new 2003 calendars are now in stock at your favorite distributors,worldwide, and they should be at your local dealer as well. Featuredagain, as always, are the world’s fastestroadracers, motocrossers, and premier custom bike builders, their bikes,and the most beautiful pinup models in the world. This year’s beautifulcalendar models include Playboy cover models The Bentley Twins, Amandaand Sandy, Penthouse Pet of the Year Zdenka, and Miss Great BritainNicky Lane. Both Zdenka and Nicky were our official SBK FastDates.comCalendar girls at Laguna Seca World Superbike.
Remember, as each year, the 2003 Calendars are full 16 month calendarsbeginning with September 2002 and we usually sell out by November. Soask for them now at your favorite dealer, and visit us on line forcomplete distributor contact and ordering information. Don’t delay as wewill sell out early, and the FastDates.com calendars are valuablecollector’s keepsakes featuring the world’s top bikes racers andcelebrity models.http://www.FastDates.com
2002 LA Calendar Bike Show a hugh sellout success!Our July 21-22nd Los Angeles Calendar Motorcycle Show weekend hasanother huge success this year with over 140 Exhibitors and a selloutcrowd. Next year we will be expanding the Show into downtown Long Beach(just like the Long Beach Grand Prix) to accommodate more manufacturers,spectators, a huge Vintage Bike Show and newly added racing activitiesat the premier streetbike show in America. Complete coverage and photosof this year’s Show is online at:http://www.FastDates.com/BikeShow2002/BIKESHOW2002.HTM
BANDIT VS. JON TOWLE–Bandit vs. John TowleWhy is Jon sticking up for Bandit’s poor humor? Well, Enclosed is a pic of Bandit resolving a disagreement with Jon in Long Beach Harbor. Bandit is Taking jon out for a little fishing trip.
Two tours in country gave Bandit the opportunity to get flying lessons. According to Jon, the next time Bandit says ANYTHING he doesn’t like,,, “Just agree with the old salt. Bandit is NEVER WRONG!”
–Thomas Brown
EXERCISE FOR SENIORS–Physical exercise is good for you. I know that I should do it daily, but my body doesn’t want me to do too much, so I have worked out this program:
Beating around the bushes.
Jumping to conclusions.
Climbing the walls.
Pushing my luck.
Making mountains out of molehills.
Bending over backwards.
Jumping on bandwagons.
Balancing books.
Running around in circles.
Opening cans of worms.
Going over edges.
Picking up pieces.
Whew!What a workout!You are invited to use my program without charge!
–from Dr. Terry
CANTINA TESTIMONIAL AND ROAD GLIDE ADVICE–Been checking out your site since you started but was a little leary of tha Cantina after joining the Easyriders Roadhouse thing a long time ago. Lasted a month but they kept billing me anyway. You’ve been up for a while and it’s a lot cheaper, so I guess I will have to give up a piece of rasin pie for the month.
ANYWAY, I have a 2000 SE Road Glide and can attest to the afffect that tire pressure is a big issue as well as the type of tire you are running. The Dunlops keeps her stable like a caddy, but if you go with Avon Venom X’s it starts thinking it’s a freakin crotch rocket in the corners. I would start with the tire pressure, and even the air in the shocks seem to make some difference especially on the not-so-smooth roads we have in the flatlands with the grooves for truck tires. My $.02
–Randy
WEIRD SEX LAWS–If a police officer in Coeur d’Alene, Idaho, suspects a couple is having sexinside a vehicle they must honk their horn three times, and wait two minutesbefore being allowed to approach the scene.
Women must address bachelors as master instead of mister, according to anIllinois state law.
A law in Oblong, Illinois makes it a crime to make love while fishing orhunting on your wedding day.
A law in Fairbanks, Alaska, does not allow moose to have sex on citystreets.
In Ventura County, California, cats and dogs are not allowed to have sexwithout a permit.
Clinton, Oklahoma, has a law against masturbating while watching two peoplehaving sex in a car.
In Willowdale, Oregon, no man may curse while having sex with his wife.
In Harrisburg, Pennsylvania it is illegal to have sex with a truck driverinside a toll booth.
Hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, are required by law to furnish theirrooms with twin beds only. There should be a minimum of two feet between thebeds, and it is illegal for a couple to make love on the floor between thebeds.
In Kingsville, Texas, there is a law against two pigs having sex on thecity’s airport property.
A Tremonton, Utah law states that no woman is allowed to have sex with a manwhile riding in an ambulance. In addition to normal charges, the woman’sname will be published in the local newspaper. The man does not receive anypunishment.
No woman may go in public without wearing a corset in Norfolk, Virginia.
In the state of Washington there is a law against having sex with a virginunder any circumstances. (including the wedding night)
The only acceptable sexual position in Washington D.C. is themissionary-style position. Any other sexual position is considered illegal.
In Florida it is illegal for single, divorced, or widowed women to parachuteon Sunday afternoons.
In Ames Iowa a husband may not take more than three gulps of beer whilelying in bed with his wife.
A law in Alexandria, Minnesota makes it illegal for a husband to make loveto his wife if his breath smells like garlic, onions, or sardines.
In Bozeman, Montana, you can’t perform any sexual acts in the front yard ofany home, after sundown, if you are nude.
A Helena, Montana law states that a woman cannot dance on a saloon tableunless her clothing weights more than three pounds, two ounces.
Hotel owners in Hastings, Nebraska are required by law to provide a clean,white cotton nightshirt to each guest. According to the law, no couple mayhave sex unless they are wearing the nightshirts.
Any couple making out inside a vehicle, and accidentally sounding the hornduring their lustful act, may be taken to jail according to a LibertyCorner, New Jersey law.
During lunch breaks in Carlsbad, New Mexico, no couple should engage in asexual act while parked in their vehicle, unless their car has curtains.
In Nevada sex without a condom is considered illegal.
In Cleveland, Ohio women are not allowed to wear patent-leather shoes.
In Connorsville, Wisconsin no man shall shoot of a gun while his femalepartner is having a sexual orgasm.
ORWELL AIN’T BAD–Hey Bandit!I’ve read your book during my holiday, I loved it!Great Mad max kinda story, great.
–Good luck, Tjebbe
BIKERNET ON CORPORATE MANAGEMENT–A Japanese company and an American company decided to have a canoe race.Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance beforethe race. On the big day the Japanese won by a mile. Afterward, the Americanteam became very discouraged and morally depressed. The American managementdecided the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found. A “ManagementTeam” made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommendwhat appropriate action should be taken. Their conclusion was the Japanesehad 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, while the American team had 8persons steering and one person rowing.
So American management hired a consulting company and paid them anincredible amount of money. They advised that too many people were steeringthe boat, while not enough people were rowing. To prevent losing to theJapanese again next year, the rowing team’s management structure was totallyreorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 3 area steering superintendents and 1assistant superintendent steering manager. They also implemented a newperformance system that would give the 1 person rowing the boat greaterincentive to work harder. It was called the “Rowing Team Quality FirstProgram,” with meetings, dinners and free pens for the rower. “We must givethe rower the empowerment and enrichments through this quality program.”.
The next year the Japanese won by two miles. Humiliated, the Americanmanagement laid off the rower for poor performance, halted development of anew canoe, sold the paddles, and canceled all capital investments for newequipment.
Then they distributed the money they saved as bonuses to the seniorexecutives.
QUOTE OF THE WEEK–“A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Huh?” – Conan O’Brien
BIKERNET ADVICE ON DEALING WITH POLICE–Don’t say the following: You’re not gonna check the trunk, are you?
AND THE DARWIN AWARD GOES TO– A 27-year-old French woman lost control of her car on a highway nearMarseilles and crashed into a tree, seriously injuring her passenger andkilling herself. As a commonplace road accident, this would not havequalified for a Darwin nomination, were it not for the fact that thedriver’s attention had been distracted by her Tamagotchi key ring, which hadstarted urgently beeping for food as she drove along. In an attempt to pressthe correct buttons to save the Tamagotchi’s life, the woman lost her own.
HAPPY HOUR–It must be happy hour somewhere? Above is a restored Indian Chief with factory side car. Another bike Don has available. For more information contact the man at Don Whalen drw2453@earthlink.net.
Very shortly we will begin a series of articles on modifications to a Road King. A portion of this series will also find its way to American Rider Magazine. The articles are designed to assist even the most novice rider with advice and knowledge of how their dealer will do the job if they can’t. We’re going to make this puppy sing.
Have a helluva weekend. –Bandit
