I was just sitting here when she came to the door. I’m hammering away on the keyboard, concerned that we don’t have enough images for the news this week, thinking about the Labor Day weekend and all the treachery it holds: traffic jams, Nuutboy’s party in Idyllwild, the Four Corners run in Durango, the jazz festival in downtown L.A., working on the ’48 Panhead, finishing the edit on my 20,000-word Sturgis saga, and praying that California H-D sells my Street Stalker so I can publish my next book, “Sam, Chopper, Orwell.” Hell, I need to pay the bills.
There she was, all 21 years of raging hormones in a mini-skirt. And they complain that men are the driving force behind sexual appetites. I don’t think so. Sure, our techniques are different, but women don’t have the stigma of being pushy. Where we should act with decorum and sensitivity, the fairer sex can be demanding, overt and as goddamn pushy as they want. It’s not a bad thing. I better open the door, she’s waiting. Then we’ll get to the news.
HARLEY-DAVIDSON GIVES $250,000 TO THE NATIONAL WORLD WAR II MEMORIAL–Harley-Davidson announced this week a $250,000contribution to help build the National World War II Memorial in Washington,D.C. The announcement was made at the culmination of a motorcycle parade ledby a World War II-vintage Harley-Davidson motorcycle.
“On behalf of the company and our many veteran employees andcustomers, we are proud to honor World War II veterans by donating a quarterof a million dollars to help build their long-deserved memorial,” said JimZiemer, president of the Harley-Davidson Foundation and a U.S. veteran. TheVeterans of Foreign Wars, which kicked off its 101st national conventiontoday in Milwaukee, will match 50 cents for every dollar ofHarley-Davidson’s gift.
Harley-Davidson has a long history as a U.S. military supplier. Thecompany’s motorcycles were first used for dispatching and scouting duringborder skirmishes on the Mexican frontier in 1916. During the first year ofU.S. military involvement in World War I, approximately half of all thecompany’s production went to the military. During World War II,Harley-Davidson produced approximately 90,000 WL military models.
More than 14 percent of Harley-Davidson’s U.S. employees areveterans of the U.S. military, and many of Harley-Davidson’s loyal customersalso served our country.
Harley-Davidson salutes the nation’s veterans every year onVeteran’s Day, Nov. 11, by hosting special events at its facilities in Kansas City, Mo.,Milwaukee, Wis., and York, Pa.
BANDIT’S STREET STALKER FOR SALE–That’s right, for a mere $17,000 you can own one of the first Street Stalkers to be formed out of a Fatboy. Its black out style was featured in Easyriders and rode to Sturgis 1998. The bike was hopped-up by Dave at Bartel’s H-D and runs at the top of its game for an 80-inch motor. If you want to talk to me about it, send an e-mail to bandit@bikernet.com, or go see the bike at California Harley-Davidson on Pacific Coast Highway in Harbor City; (310) 539-3366 and ask for Joel.
DON’T RIDE FASTER THAN YOUR GUARDIAN ANGEL CAN FLY–Amen, brother. I’m one of them fuckin’ wannabes and this weekend I wentafter my cycle endorsement through the MSF. On the last god damn evaluation,an exercise I smoked repeatedly during the class, I hit the gate toofast, realized my mistake and hit my brakes at the same time Icounter-steered. Locked the fuckin’ front tire up bigger ‘n shit andslammed my fat ass into the ground. Took about two layers of skin offmy elbow and gave me a hell of a bruise on my leg. All I could think ofwas thank God it was this loaner 2000 Rebel and not the Night Train Ihave on order.
Needless to say, I failed the eval. The kicker is, if I’dhave known my point score at the time, I could have rolled right throughthe mother fucker, taken the max number of points and still gotten myendorsement, as long as I didn’t dump it.
Of course in that heat,three out of 12 in the class dumped during the eval, so I wasn’talone. I think that’s why we’re getting another crack at it on Sunday.
We hope to bring the MSF course to our readers in written reports in the near future. We should all take these courses, no matter how long we’ve been in the saddle–Bandit
SIGNS YOU’RE ALL GROWN UP– Your potted plants stay alive.
Having sex in a twin-sized bed is absurd.
You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
6 a.m. is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.
You hear your favorite “party” song on the elevator at work.
You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.
You’re the one calling the police because those darn kids next door don’t know how to turn down the stereo.
You don’t know what time McDonald’s closes anymore.
Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald’s.
You don’t get liquored up at home to save money before going to a bar.
BURNING MAN FESTIVAL, RENO, NEVADA–The Burning Man Festival, an eclectic mix of offbeat art, impromptuperformance and cultural experimentation, draws 10,000 or so free spiritsto the middle-of-nowhere Nevada each Labor Day weekend. Tall as afive-story building, trimmed with neon and stuffed with fireworks, the Manis an impressive piece of work, but the real story is in the culture thathas sprung up around it. Burning Man has become a magnet for many strangeand unexpected offerings.
Surrealist sculptors and solar-powered multimedia share the stage with musicians, painters, dancers, poets andgearheads. People labor all year to construct elaborate theme camps rangingfrom potluck barter bars to full-tilt circus sideshows. Costumes abound,including the ever-popular birthday suit. -John
BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT– Hey guys, just got back from the Black Hills, the 60th, crowded asever, fun as always, and the best riding. This year a group of riders fromthe Caribbean (Puerto Rico) were on a mission. I don’t know if you have seenin local news the bits and pieces of what’s going on in a small island inPuerto Rico called Vieques. Well, the U.S. Navy has beenusing 75 percent of the island for target practice for the past 60 years, not onlythat but renting it to other armies for their target practice and landingmissions also.
Just last year,some bozos missed their target and dropped a two-ton bomb on a civilianpost of observation. Needless to say, it was left looking like Swiss cheeseand a civilian guard dead. It’s not the first time that something like thishappened, but this one filled the cup.
For a year there have been hundredsof people invading the military zone, building churches, schools andbarracks, replanting, cleaning the unexploded missiles, and trying to makethe beaches usable, so the marine life could regain control of theirhabitat.
So what’s up with the Navy? Nothing, this tiny island has the largestconcentration of cancer patients in all of the 50 states and itsterritories. There has been a total destruction of the fauna and flora, theturtle species (protected by the Feds) are blown out of the water like paper ina tornado, and on, and on. All the civil disobedients were arrested andcharged with trespassing. People are still doing it anyway. Meanwhile, theNavy tries to buy silence with $40 million, which won’t buy anyone’slife, nor restore the health of young children dying of cancer…..(have youseen Erin Brokovich?).
Even the veterans of many wars are against the Navyin this one. Gore and Bush have claimed to want the peace for Vieques, butthe fight is a long and hard one for us in Puerto Rico.
We decided to ridefor the peace of Vieques on the Black Hills, armed with stickers on ourbikes and a banner. We visited Mount Rushmore, stood there and silentlyopened our banner for everyone to see and read, with our respects to themonument and our respects for the peace of the 8,000 people who live inVieques. After some snaps and answering some questions, once again,silently, we left the presidents to themselves. Time and time again we didthis, just silently and respectfully over the Black Hills. “Vieques has theright to live in peace” it read. Simple and to the point. I’m writing this in the safety of my home, while thepeople of Vieques continue to receive two-ton bomb wake-up calls 180 days a year.People are dying of cancer and radiation-related sicknesses, and civildisobedients are arrested for peace.– Saludos from the Caribbean…Jose
A LETTER FROM CORALDid ya miss me? I had a great time with my girlfriends.I needed to get away for a while and think about my friendshipwith Sin. I decided that I was going to make a serious move on her. She isso sexy and beautiful, I don’t think I can just be friends with her. Wewent to lunch the other day and I was playing with her under the table. Icould tell she was getting really turned on because she opened her legs as Islid my hand up the inside of her thigh. When we walked out to the car, Igrabbed her and kissed her. She was very responsive, pressing her titsagainst mine and pulling me hard up against her. She reached behind me andpulled my ass close to her as she ground her pussy on my thigh. She was hotand wet. We got so turned on that we forgot we were out in public! A carpassed us and we realized where we were. We both had to be somewhere elseso we reluctantly said our goodbyes.
She wants to meet tonight and “talk”about what happened. Talk about it my ass, I’m going to have her. I boughtsome toys while I was on vacation, I’ll let you know if she likes to playwith them. Hell, maybe you can come and play with us. Well, not thistime – this one is all mine, but maybe next time. Take it easy Bandit,try not to work too hard. I’ll be thinking about you while I’m eating yourlunch tonight.~Coral
AMERICAN MOTORCYCLE COMPANY UPDATE–American Motorcycle Co. Some of the people who were involved with the new Indian Co. have bought into Quantum and are now going to berunning the whole show.
They come out of Canada. Murray and Lionel. There willbe an official press release with all the details sent out Monday. Every one is real excited about this and it looks like this is what isneeded to make Quantum a go.
Keith Ruxton is working at Quantum now? Really good to havehim. He is turning all kinds of stuff around for the good.
SPRUNG SOLO SEATS–I’m trying to locate a manufacturer that makes sprung solo seats. I’m building a chopped Hog with a ’94 Evo motor on a Daytec rigid frame. I want to put a small(sorta), sprung solo seat on it so I can have about another 4 or 5 inches allowable on handlebar height.
Harley-Davidson now makes a new police model based on the lastest Dyna chassis. These bikes are available to the public for around $12,000. The solo seat on this model is sprung with 4-inch springs. I used a set on my Daytec rigid for the ride to Sturgis. I took a standard old H-D solo seat and narrowed it an inch to align the studs on it with the frame rails, then built a pivot frame under the seat and modified the existing Daytec seat mount to allow the seat to pivot there. We made stands with 3/4-inch tall studs for the springs to center over and welded them to the frame. My welds suck (I need a Tig welder) but it worked like a dream. Check the Bikernet Garage for flicks.
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR–DAILYNow on Bikernet, the letters to the editor are answered and posted daily in the Your Shot section. That is, if I’m in town, sober, not in bed with …, my mom hasn’t called, the surf is up, my bike is running, she’s jumping my bones, someone gave me a new bottle of Jack, and or…–Bandit
DER “NUUTBOY– Ach tu liber! “Hitler’s dog didn’t have a nose.” “How did he smell?” “Awful!” Gott en himmel!
HOW TO SAY “I LOVE YOU” IN 9 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES?–
English . .. . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . I Love You
Spanish . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . Te Amo
French . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . Je T’aime
German . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . lch Liebe Dich
Japanese . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . Ai Shite Imasu
Italian . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . .. . . . . . Ti Amo
Chinese . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . .. . . . Wo Ai Ni
Swedish . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . .. . . Jag Alskar
Alabama, Arkansas, Oklahoma, South Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, Mississippi, Louisiana and Kentucky . . . . . . Nice Tits
BOOK REPORT– I’ve been checking with my local book stores for your materials and have had no luck. I did find one place that had your custom motorcycle book, but that was it. I had printed the first chapters of “Outlaw Justice,” “Prize Possesion” and your new one, “Sam ‘Chopper’ Orwell,” and was sucked in big time and need to finish them. Is there a way to get these locally, or am I going to have difficulty finding them? — ERIC
Well, we did an inventory the other day and discovered that we have 35 copies of “Prize Possessions” and 82 copies of “Outlaw Justice” left. They are virtually sold out. Hell, I’ve got to save a few for posterity. “Sam ‘Chopper’ Orwell will be printed in September.
AN OPEN LETTER TO THE BIKERNET WEB MASTER–Zebra here. Bandit is hopped up on goofballs and flying on screamers. His head is entirely scrambled. He has been deluging me in the most profane drek for several hours now. Ranting and raving about lining up some sort of all-out brawl between himself, Don Johnson and Mickey Rourke to determine who is the undisputed heavyweight champion of San Pedro. Utter balderdash. Disregard anything he sends for the next 16 hours. And for God’s sake, don’t print anything he sends you for at least two days. He could easily bring on a multi-state ATF raid with the way he’s talking right now. In fact, I may have to call in a “tip” and trigger a raid on Bikernet West, just to protect the integrity of the heavy arms and dope stash of Bikernet East.–Zebra,Bikernet.com East
ONE WISH– A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer.All of a sudden, he said out loud, “Lord grant me one wish.”
Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice, theLord said, “Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways,I will grant you one wish”
The man said, “Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I candrive over anytime I want to.”
The Lord said, “Your request is very materialistic.Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supportsrequired to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel itwould take!I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldlythings. Take a little more time and think of anotherwish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me.”
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said,”Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know howthey feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silenttreatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say ‘nothing’,and how I can make a woman truly happy.”
After a few minutes, God said, “You want two lanes orfour on that bridge?”
A CHILLING RUN–If you want to see the south of Chile in a Yamaha XT600 year 2000 with a professional guide, please visit us at http://www.motoaventura.com, or contact us at rbaum@entelchile.net. Thanks for your attention, Sonia Dvorachuk, MotoAventura Ltda.
MORE OLDER SCOOTS– I would like to see more info on older 4 speed bikes. I have an 84 FXST. I found a way to stuff a 160/180 series tire out back when everyone said it’s impossible, and I did it without cutting the frame. I could share the info with you, but only if you promise to someday use it on your Website.
Another thing. Amtrak has had the Autotrain for some years now. Unfortunately, they don’t accept motorcycles. I would love to take more vacations on my bike but between work and school, time is a factor. Most riders are in my position. I believe some influential people in the motorcycle community should start a campaign to help Amtrak see the light. I have started posting some info on Harley usenet groups looking for feedback from other riders on this subject. –Steven Iglesias 84 FXST
I promise–Bandit
THE STUD–Nick the Dick is a stud. Seems like the every day foul mouthed perverted bunch of assholes I ride with. Wouldn’t change a thing. Keep up the good work. Looking forward to the next long story.–JohnLaw
1946 INDIAN CHIEF FOR SALE– Like some sort of dream, I was able to trade an FXR I was building for this chief. It’s not a 100-point restoration, it’s just my favorite Chief and I need to sell her to publish my next book. $24,000 and I’ll sign the puppy. For information, drop an e-mail to bandit@bikernet.com.
THE FRYED BROTHERS BAND CELEBRATION–
20th ANNIVERSARY PARTY
SEPT. 15-17
FEATURING: THE FRYED BROTHERS BAND EACH NIGHT& OTHER MUSICAL GUESTS FROM FRIDAY TIL 2 p.m. SUNDAY
DIRECTIONS—
1.FROM SACRAMENTO, TAKE HWY. 80 EAST TO FOREST HILL EXIT.(FOREST HILL-AUBURN RAVINE)
2. TURN RIGHT AT THE STOP SIGN. GO 17 MILES TO FOREST HILL.
3. WHEN YOU GET TO THE BEACON STATION – FOLLOW 9 MILES AND TURN LEFT(SIGN ON THE
RIGHT SAYS BIG RESERVOIR – GREEN SIGN ON LEFT SAYS SUGAR PINE RECAREA). GO 3 1/2
MILES AT THE FORK IN THE ROAD TURN RIGHT * THE SIGN SAYS BIGRESERVOIR &
MORNINGSTAR LAKE. APRROX 2 MILES AND YOU ARE THERE !!!It’s gonna be a great party.–Kit(http://www.fryedbrothersband.com/anniver1.html)
JUST LIKE THE BOOK– Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a sword to her throat, said, “Red, I’m going to screw your brains out!”
To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled out a .44 magnum and pointed it at him and said, “No you’re not! You’re going to eat me, just like it says in the book!”
HANNON RACING, ALL SMILES– Bill Hannon of Ft. Myers Beach, Fla., is not wanting to hex his new motors by grinning from ear to ear. But the track testing last weekend with George Babor twisting the throttle brought the anticipated results the team was looking for and “we’re just happy to be back on the track.”
Babor “did a super job,” according to Hannon. “As we prepare for Indy, Dan Baisley will be flying in from Portland, Or., this weekend for more testing at Gainesville Raceway. Baisley will remain on this coast as we prepare for the NHRA U.S. Nationals. We have been working very hard on this new project and both new motors have made us very happy.”
Hannon Racing is supported on their national circuit by Axtell Sales, Inc., Baisley Hi-Performance, D & G Chassis, Harley-Davidson of Ft. Myers, The Landings Realty Inc., Red Line Oil, MRE, BPM Racing Engines, Dyna Tek, RK Chain, Bandit Clutch, Vanson Leathers and Mastercam. –Hannon 941-463-2778 www.hannonracing.com
LIZETTE’S CODE–I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cutright in front of a pickup truck, causing him to have to drive onto the shoulder.
This evidently pissed the driver off enough that he hung out hiswindow and flipped the woman off.
“Man, that guy is stupid,” I thought to myself. I ALWAYS smile nicelyand wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic and here’s why:
I drive 38 miles each way every day to work, that’s 76 miles. Ofthese, 16 each way, is bumper-to-bumper, most of the bumper-to-bumperis on an eight-lane highway. So if you just look at the seven lanes I am not in, thatmeans I pass something like a new car every 40 feet per lane. That’s seven carsevery 40 feet for 32 miles. That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or31,424 cars. Even though the rest of the 34 miles is not bumper tobumper.
I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars. That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars I pass every day. Statistically, half of theseare driven by females, that’s 18,000. In any given group of females, one in28 are having the worst day of their period. That’s 642.
According to Cosmopolitan, 70 percent describe their love life asdissatisfying or unrewarding, that’s 449. According to the NationalInstitutes of Health, 22 percent of all females have seriously considered suicide orhomicide, that’s 98, and 34 percent describe men as their biggest problem, that’s 33.
According to the National Rifle Association, 5 percent of all females carryweapons and this number is increasing.
That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one femalethat has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, hasseriously considered suicide or homicide, is having the worst day of herperiodand is armed.
No matter what she does in traffic, I wouldn’t DREAM of flipping heroff.–Lizette Hotinger,MID-USA CYCLE PARTS INC.,(314) 351-3733
COMPARISON– Why is being in the military like a blowjob? The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
THE ULTIMATE HARLEY TOOL–For decades, motorcycle wags have joked that the tool kits supplied with new Harley-Davidson’s lack one critical piece: a pickup truck with which to haul the stricken bike home. Now that Harleys are reliable, the new truck isn’t required — unless you’re the Hog owner who’s got to have everything associated with the famed Milwaukee brand or the Ford owner who also rides a Hog.
There are many of both, according to Gurminder Bedi, boss of Ford’s truck vehicle center, and that’s why Ford created the Harley Edition F-150. It’s a limited-production SuperCab loaded with Harley cues — a rumpa-rumpa exhaust, black-and-orange paint, a black leather interior and 20-inch wheels (the first on any Ford production vehicle).
Ford, which has a five-year alliance with Harley, officially will not commit to sales volume. But an inside source says to expect “up to 10,000 units” for 2000.
On the two-wheeled side of the venture, a sport bike “mule” said to be powered by Harley’s first-ever liquid-cooled V-twin, was spotted testing earlier this year at Ford’s Australian proving ground. H-D is expected to launch the new engine later this year.
QUOTE OF THE WEEK–“Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have forlunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote.” — Benjamin Franklin, 1759
THAT’S IT–Ya got off easy because she’ll be back and I’m anxious to get back into the garage. Have you ever had sex on your favorite sled in the garage? It’s like getting away with something, like being exposed, with the cold concrete floor chilling your toes and your girl straddling the seat of your riding romp mobile completely naked.
I had a garage once that leaned right onto the street. It was wood like an old barn and slats were missing. Sure I tried to cover them up, but it was a holy mess. I had poured a new concrete floor in the small narrow space and hung fluorescent lights. The lights we glaring as she ran from the house to the garage in just a robe. She slipped inside and dropped the robe immediately. I’d explain the steamy happenings on that dusky fall morning, but we’d be renamed a porno site. The point is: Use your imagination this weekend. Now, let’s ride, we’re burnin’ daylight–Bandit.
