This industry is quirky, full of scoundrels and outlaws. A couple of guys from Bassani Exhaust took me to lunch recently to discuss advertising on Bikernet. Did they advertise, no. But they talked me out of the Salt Shaker, tempting me with a tall tale about some buxom blonde who could be my girl for the Cincinnati, Ohio V-Twin show weekend.
The next thing I know, I'm delivering the World's Fastest Sport Bike Panhead, owner of a 2006 World Land Speed Record of 141.64 mph, to the Bassani factory, where they tore off my hand-made Bikernet.com exhaust system and tossed it in the trash. They proceeded to build a completely new Bassini exhaust system to fit the 120-inch Accurate Engineering Panhead configuration. They coated it with a special silver ceramic coating.
The boss, Darryl Bassani, who has owned and built this business since it's inception, never even came out of his mountaintop office to see me, but Nick his marketing guy kept nodding and telling me everything was okay.
Bassani has been a recognized leader in specialized exhaust components for more than 30 years, when they began designing exhaust systems for motorcycles in 1969.
“Although we still design and manufacture motorcycle exhaust systems,” said Nick while trying to lead me out of their building, “we have expanded our focus to include the automotive performance aftermarket. Car and truck enthusiasts today have a renewed interest in performance and Bassani precision-designed exhaust components are the easiest way to significantly improve power, performance, sound and fuel efficiency.”
I tried to ask him about the EPA and restrictive anti-tampering laws, but he shoved me toward my truck with promises of some bubbly blonde, Carly Ann Rose, who would hang with me at Cincy at the V-Twin Expo in just a week.
“With over three decades of design experience focusing on maximum performance, Bassani has learned what works and what doesn’t,” Nick went on. “We have the ability to develop products designed to optimize performance and the technical expertise to implement these designs. The emphasis at Bassani is excellence in design, quality of materials, precision fit and improved performance. Bassani is recognized for unsurpassed quality and fit; starting with superior materials for durability, precision mandrel bends for consistency and precise welding by expert craftsman. All stainless steel products are backed by a lifetime warranty. Bx Performance products are covered by a limited warranty.”
Nick's marketing lingo was putting me to sleep. I had to peel out, leaving my first 5-Ball Racing, ground-up Bonneville build, designed by John Reed, behind at the Bassani headquarters. I got a strange vibe, but also the promise of a Cincinnati girl. I remembered back in the day when I would spend an entire event in a hotel room with the right (or sometimes the wrong) girl.
A couple of weeks passed and I called Bassani and asked for Nick. “Hey Nick,” I said. “Can I have my motorcycle back? I've paid a great deal for one evening with the right girl, but never gave up an entire motorcycle.”
“Our customer base is very loyal and is comprised of a growing number of enthusiasts who demand the very best,” said Nick.
“Hey man,” I interrupted his marketing ramble. “Listen, I've got too many meetings set up at the V-Twin Expo, you can keep the blonde. Besides, it's redheads who drive me over the top. I want my bike back.”
“Our well-deserved reputation for cutting edge technology has provided Bassani with a very bright future as a leading exhaust system manufacturer,” Nick said as if he was making a recording. “We are dedicated to providing our customers with the finest quality, performance and superior technology in every product we manufacture. Bassani is proud of the fact that all of our products are designed, tested and manufactured in the U.S.A.”
I hung up the phone and called back for Gary Naito, the Bassani art director. “Gary, what the hell's going on down there?” I was getting shaky.
“Listen man,” Gary said. “I can't talk to you. I'll get canned. The pipes are cool right? The blonde is hot. I'll send you a couple of shots during the shoot. Just don't tell anyone you got 'em from me.” He hung up.
I'm taking the train to Cincinnati. I need to find the Bassani booth, rescue my Salt Shaker, check out my blonde bombshell and cut a dusty trail. She's supposed to sign and hand out posters of the Salt Shaker all weekend (February 7 and 8th). Wish me luck.
