It’s been ten years since I penned my story to Bikernet about how to best handle a marriage that is on the decline. Like I said before, most couples just seem to fall into the same trap. Meet a hot new person, fall in love/lust, get married, have a few kids, get fat, lose your sex drive and love interest in your spouse and get into a bad routine. Sex life is infrequent and boring and this phenomenon can lead to a divorce or worse, staying in a marriage that makes you both miserable.
Speaking of getting fat; I just can’t get over how many fat people you see these days rolling around-it’s an epidemic. When I wrote “Marriage Counseling 101” it was not nearly as bad as it is now (and it was bad then). A few weeks ago, my wife, my daughter and I were in Sam’s Club buying some items and something came over me about the “clientele” of the store. EVERY dang person in the place was obese, I’m not talking about a beer belly or some unwanted extra pounds….I’m talking huge people everywhere. There was literally only one other shopper in that store (who was not a family member of mine) that was not 100 or more pounds overweight. What the hell is going on with folks these days? Why not cut back on the junk food, get off the couch and do something about your big fat ass? It’s unhealthy, it looks bad, it ruins your sex life and your self esteem and finally- it makes for a boring crappy marriage.
You may be asking, what does all the ranting about fat folks have to do with marriage counseling? Well, it has a lot to do with it because just like ten years ago- you don’t see any 300 lb. Victoria Secret models or 275 lb. Playmates of the Month. We as men spend literally billions of dollars to fantasize about porn stars, playmates, pets of the month and internet sex stars. Just like before, let’s spend that time, effort and money at home on your spouse getting things tuned up. Look, she may not get to the point where she’s going to try out for the next Playmate of the Month, but things can and will just flat get better for the both of you. While you’re at it, be a good example for her and lose some weight yourself. Eat better and get some kind of workout in 3 to 5 days a week-you’ll feel better, you’ll be healthier and you’ll live longer so that you can ride later in life. (My Uncle rode into his mid 80s until a semi threw a tire in front of his bagger, but that’s for another story-at least he died while doing what he loved.)
We are not striving for perfection here, just a healthier lifestyle. There are NO shortcuts either, don’t try sprinkling your food with something to make you thin or get some easy “takes no time at all” program that promises big improvements with little or no work, those programs are bullshit. P-90X or something similar is what most folks need. It’s hard core but you and your wife didn’t get fat in a few weeks so this is going to take some work. The results though are well worth it.
The thing that got me interested in a follow-up to my decade old article was looking at my wife (we’ve now been married 27 years) still sporting a bikini and still looking great. (The attached pictures are both recent -and she is in her 50s.) Three of our four kids have graduated from college and the last one just left home for his first year at Texas Tech. We are alone for the first time in 26 years and our marriage is great!
Sure there have been a few changes in the last ten years, I ride a bagger now, we are (as I said) both well into our 50s and things look a little different- but overall, everything I said ten years ago is still true today. I’d be willing to bet that many of the Bikernet family probably wrote off the first Marriage Counseling 101. “That’s probably not even his wife on that bike and even if it is, just wait a few years; she’s 43 how much longer can that last?”
The hard truth is, it’s even tougher to keep things together now that it was ten years ago. Eventually nature does win but the challenge is to fight it the best way you can. Get off the junk food, get in the gym and use all of your resources to keep as fit and attractive to your mate as possible. Again, the objective here is for improvement of body, health AND attitude.
I’m not going to lecture you guys, I just wanted to let you know that all of the theories on Marriage Counseling 101 are still “sound and right on” in fact it’s ten years later and they are more true than ever.
So get off the couch, get your wife motivated and you do the same. It will make for a better life, a better marriage and you’ll both be happier for it.
