Editor’s Note: Enclosed is a post by Dave Arthur called “Buy an electric car, go to prison.” It’s first rate shit from an original Satans Slave. I asked him if I could send it to you. He said not a problem. This dude’s a first rate communicator and totally with a 1%er genuine article disposition and ability-rating. He’s older than me and living life 24 hours a day non-stop. PLUS he can fucking think and express himself.
–J.J. Solari
The other day I was talking to someone who was thinking of buying an electric car. I told him he should first get to know a good bail bondsman and a lawyer. I told him that I am serious about this.
This is the vision I have.
You buy an electric car, you think you are helping the environment. You completely ignore the pollution caused from pit mining in order to get the materials to make the batteries. You also ignore the problems of disposing of these batteries in landfills or wherever once they are used up.
Maybe you buy the electric car cause you want to save money by not buying gasoline. You ignore the fact that it still costs plenty of money to charge the batteries in these cars. Electricity is far from free. You also ignore the initial cost of these cars which is one third or more higher than a comparable gasoline powered mode.
Maybe you think if you’re not buying gas you will soon recoup the difference. You weren’t too good at math. It might take eight or nine years to recoup that money in gas savings, but by then the car-battery will be no good anymore and you will need a new car. What about disposing the old one?
So what does all that have to do with going to prison because you bought an electric car. The answer is “nothing.” Now you own the car and you are starting to drive it. You like how quiet it is and how fast it seems. You like doing your part to save the world from certain destruction oblivious to the fact that 99% of the people in the world are not driving electric cars and you driving one won’t do anything to change whatever is happening to the climate, if anything.
In any event you bought the damn thing and you are happy, this is all about to change. Reality is about to set in. You look at your gauges, and you see that you only have 30 miles left before the car will need a charge. Luckily you are in the city so there should be a charger available close by.
You drive a few more miles and you spot the sign claiming the special place where you can charge an electric car. With a smiling face you pull into the spot thinking to yourself what good luck you have, no one else is here and there are two chargers.
As you walk up to the charger, it looks as if the cord has been cut or broken and there is a yellow plastic sign hanging there that says “OUT OF ORDER.” You walk over to the other one and it also has the same sign hanging there but at least it still has a cord. You try to hook your car to it, but it still doesn’t work.
You resign yourself to the fact that you have just wasted 10 minutes, but at least you still have 20 miles left before you run out of battery. As you are leaving you notice several cars filling up their gas tanks at the gasoline pumps located at this very same station with the electric car chargers. They are filling up rapidly and leaving.
Since you’re here already, you stop your car and walk over to the attendant to ask him what’s wrong with the charger. He tells you that it’s been broken for two weeks. They are waiting for parts before it will be fixed.
You leave and drive six more miles to another charging station that your IPhone led you to. You notice other cars there, so you figure at least it must be working. You talk to the guy in front of you and he tells you that the owner of the car on the charger should be done in about 20 more minutes, if he only wants a quick charge.
He also says that he wants a full charge because he needs to drive to some town which is 150 miles away. He says his type of charge will take over an hour and that maybe you should get in the other line as it might be quicker.
You agree and move to the other line. You are now starting to get aggravated. So you sit in your new car playing the XM radio because the battery is no longer a concern. You sit and you sit before you finally go to the car hooked to the charger to see how much longer he will be. You notice it’s already fully charged but the driver is gone!
You walk back to the car in front of you and ask him if he knows where the driver of the fully charged car is? He said the guy told him he would be back soon… He was going to walk down the street to a little bar that has food and get lunch but it’s been an hour and he hasn’t come back yet.
Realizing there is nothing you can do, you just go back to your car and sit. After 15 more minutes you are pissed off knowing that the driverless car is fully charged and is just wasting your time. Plus, there is still another car in front of you.
Meanwhile the guy who was going to charge his car to full capacity in the other lane is almost finished, but two more cars are already behind him. If you had stayed there, you would have been next. So, you sit some more getting more pissed off until you finally decide to get out of your car and just unplug his car and push it out of the way.
The problem is it’s in PARK and is locked and will not move. You go back to your car and sit in it again. It’s now been two hours and the guy in front of you decides to leave.
Your luck has changed for the better and at least you are now next. You’re thinking maybe you should drive or walk down the street to the little bar that sells food and find the fucking driver of the car.
You’re really running out of patience now when another car pulls in behind you. The driver of that car gets out to ask you how long the other car has been there and how long you will be. You explain, you have been here over two hours, and the other car plugged into the charger is fully charged but the driver is gone.
He goes back to his car and you are sitting in yours hating this. You’re having second thoughts about the electric car. Finally you see a guy walking towards the charging station and figure its finally him, but to your amazement he just walks on by, he is not the driver.
It’s about three hours now and you realize your whole day is fucked up, there isn’t enough time left to get the things done. You’re just really tired of this whole thing. You’re even starting to hate the XM radio.
You decide fuck it, you’re gonna break out the guy’s window, take the car out of PARK and move it. Maybe you’ll even push it into the street where it will get hit and destroyed by another car. You hope the bastard has no insurance, or it will be a hit and run.
You walk over to the car with a jack handle and break out his window, unlock his car and open the door. You try to pull the lever out of park but then realize it needs an ignition key to get it out of PARK. You’re so pissed off, you’re ready to kill when you hear this voice yelling.
“What the fuck are you doing asshole?”
It’s finally the driver and he’s drunk enough that you can smell alcohol on him. You start to say something when he takes a swing at you. That does it, your right hand slams into his face. He falls down instantly but whacks his head on the cement curb. He doesn’t move.
The guy in the car behind you comes running up and tries to revive the guy. The guy does not respond. You think it’s time to get the fuck out of here, as the guy who came out of the car behind calls 911.
You realize your electric car is being blocked by his car and that it can only go a few more miles because the battery is almost dead.
The cops show up and the guy in the car behind me tells them he’s a witness and you broke the window on the dead guy’s car, punched him in the face and watched as the guy fell to the concrete.
There it is, I got arrested and now I’m in jail with a class two homicide charge. I’ve been here 72 days and my case isn’t scheduled until early next year. Remember what I said. My advice to you is to stay out of prison, never by an electric car.
