I’m innocent, I tell ya. The Union of Pixels and Bytes, Local #352 has threatened to shut the doors on the vast Bikernet empire and walk out on the 15th. Management is due to meet with union representatives this afternoon, and after the news we hope to report on the outcome. It’s a dicey situation here at the headquarters and the girls suspect that Agent Zebra may have connections with the union bosses. Shots were fired earlier, but let’s turn to the footage of last night’s orgy.
It all started innocently enough. The temps were hitting record-breaking lows in the 40s in San Pedro as the sun dipped behind the Palos Verdes Peninsula and we finished another hard day’s work interviewing Ron Finch, famous Detroit bike builder. In fact, the day before the interview for Hot Rod Bikes, Finch closed his shop because of a driving snow storm in his region that prevented the metal working freak from reaching his shop. Snake slithered out of the headquarters and went to the bar up the street and Renegade waited for something to happen, bitching all the way. Hell, we actually had a couple of hours free time. The Blue Flame was in excellent condition for a ride, as was the blacked out Buell. But stepping into the cold sent chickenshit shivers up our spines and we decided since some of the brothers had a meeting with Vince at the Blue Cafe in downtown Long Beach for the Superbowl arrangements, we decided to finish last-minute adjustments on the dual-carbed Panhead.
We always send Renegade to negotiate for us. He hates everything and generally doesn’t want to buy a damn thing, so he’ll walk away from any deal. “Who needs another fuckin’ party anyway? Waste of fucking money,” he said, pulling his rat bike into the street. I started to synchronize the carbs but my hands chilled and the garage wasn’t comfortable for wrenching. Then Sin showed up at the door with a heater and a tumbler of Jack. I took a swig of the harsh but warming liquid as Wrench suddenly decided to pack it in for the day and scooted out of the shop. The heater buzzed to life and the little wires turned cherry red when Sin stood over the vibrating unit. She’s tall and slender with supple hips and robust boobs with nipples as sensitive as a hair trigger. At first, I sipped the Jack, kissed her gently on the mouth and went back to wrenching. I brought up some inane bullshit about sending out Christmas cards and such, but she didn’t respond, so I looked over my shoulder in her direction and noticed that she was standing with her legs apart over the heater wearing a long trench coat. As I looked at her perfectly shaped calves and my mind followed the waves of radiating heat up her thighs, the coat parted slightly and I yearned.
She was completely nude under the thick overcoat and as the heat filled the satin-soft cavity hidden by the coat, she opened it some more. Needless to say, I put the tools down and spun to fill my focus with lust as the coat fell open. We better get to the news:
In memory of our Bikernet mascot, who was accidentally killed when the Digital Gangster brawled with theBikernet staff during the last revolt. You can read about the incident here in the archives.
NEW FROM OUTLAW MOTORCYCLE COMPANY–
Inspired by the latest aftermarket motorcyle wheel designs, these CNCmachined, billet aluminum yo-yo’s are one of a kind! They are beautifullystyled and machined and also play smooth as silk. The axel is made of aprecision ball bearing that is pressed onto a stainless steel stud andfitted into a rolled threaded axel hole. This design eliminates wobbleand was designed for very long sleep times (one minute sleep is easilyachieved).
The engineered body gap and taper make for one big time- responsive yo-yo. We also provide shims to optimize the body gap and changethe return characteristics so beginners and experts alike can set it up fortheir own personal tastes.
Hard anodized brilliant red on one side, silver finish on the other. The two-tone look is striking. You are never too old for one of these. Theymake fantastic gifts and are great conversation pieces. Everyone fromthe guy who just wants one to put on his desk or hang it in his shop, to theserious yo-yo geek (that’s us……) will treasure these.
Each one is serialized and available in limited quantities just in timefor Christmas.A collectors item for sure. These promise to be a favoritefor all who own them. The photos don’t do them justice. You musthold one to truly appreciate the beauty, styling and precision engineering.
Theyare available for secure online ordering in the gift shop here at Bikernet.
BANDIT DEAR–This gal’s really talented. Are you aware of her work?She should be the feature character in your book o’ luv.
For all you northeast Ohio folks, she will be at Western Reserve Harley-Davidson, on Tyler Road in Mentor, in December— Have a great winter!
–Melissa Harris
BIKERNET READER APPRECIATION SUPERBOWL PARTY PLANS CONTINUE IN DOWNTOWN LONG BEACH AT THE BLUE CAFE–You must watch the game anyway. It’s the law. You might as well enjoy the three bands, killer munchies, pristine pool tables and women while you’re doing you civic duty. There will be Orwell novels on hand, door prizes and hungry women. So mark your calendar, etch it into your Day Runner, type it into your database and put a Post-it on the refridge. Hell, Ray Russell from Australia is threatening to fly over. It’s Jan. 28 on the Promenade in Long Beach, and you can park your bikes directly in front of the joint. What could be more perfect?
G’day Mate, Were you able to download the Harley “Velo Glide” pic? What are the dates for the Superbowl bash? I would like to attend. Please note that we in Australia do not recognize your so- called game of football for you only throw the fucking thing! Whilst in Portland last year, the “Chucker” Superbowl was on and I had a great time with the local natives.
See Ya, Ray
MYRTLE BEACH SPRING RALLY, MAY 12-20– Over 150,000 motorcycle maniacs are expected in Myrtle Beach for the 61st Annual Spring Bike Rally, making this rally the largest single Harley rally in the Carolinas. After 60 years of tearing the town apart, Myrtle Beach businesses and community leaders are finally giving the riders the credit and respect they deserve–or else. More rally events are being planned and hosted by biker-friendly local businesses than ever before. One of the riders who attended last year was the most decent, hard working, responsible and caring person you would ever hope to meet. The rest were nuts. So join in on the insanity. For real, no-bullshit information (like this) on vending space, poker runs, tours or general information, contact: Sonny@MyrtleBeachBikeWeek.com or call (336) 643-1367.
IF ABBY WAS A GUY–
Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband wants to experience a threesome with my sister and me.
A: Your husband is clearly devoted to you. He cannot get enough of you, sohe goes for the next best thing–your sister. Far from being an issue, thiscan bring all of the family together. Why not get some cousins involved?If you are still apprehensive, then let him be with your relatives, buy hima nice expensive present and cook him a nice meal, and don’t mention thisaspect of his behavior.
Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.
A: Do it. Sperm is not only great tasting, but has only 10 calories perspoonful. It is nutritious, helps you to keep your figure and gives a greatglow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to you toperform oral sex with him is totally selfless. Oral sex is extremelypainful for a man. This shows he loves you. Buy him a nice present, cookhim a nice meal and don’t mention this aspect of his behavior.
Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The manis a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. Far frombeing pleasurable, a night out with the boys is a stressful affair, and toget back to you is a relief for him. Just look at how emotional and happythe man is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do is buyhim a nice expensive present and cook him nice meal and don’t mention thisaspect of his behavior.
BARTEL’S HARLEY-DAVIDSON CHRISTMAS SALE–Bartel’s is offering 20 percent off hats and caps, 20-40 percent off kid’s clothing, 50 percent off holiday giftware and 50 percent off all collectibles. And while you’re there, go see Brenda Fox, Miss Bikernet 2000, who will also be attending the Superbowl bash at the Blue Cafe. Shit, I just noticed that this is a one-day sale, Dec. 18 from 6 p.m. to 9 p.m.
FAMOUS VALDEZ SPANISH GUITAR TO BE GIVEN AWAY AT BIKERNET SUPERBOWL BLUES BASH–OK, here’s the deal. I’ve played guitar longer than I’ve been drawing. Ido okay. It’s a real great hobby of mine. Lately I have developed aproblem with my left wrist (the tendons). It is caused from overuse/playing my music. I have three guitars. One of them gives my wrist moretrouble than the other two combined. I love this guitar, but what’s apoor boy ta do?
It’s a Mexican Fender telecaster with a Dimarzio custom pickup in her. Iput it in myself and there are a couple of tiny little fuck-ups aroundthe pickup where I installed. No big deal (a custom jon butcher job).Over all, she’s a great playing/looking axe. I have not decided yet, butI’m thinking of some slob winning it at the party. Possibly have someonetake some pictures of it and slap it on the news telling of the giveaway.
–Juan Valdez Towle
EASYRIDERS OF DALLAS CARRIES ORWELL– You need to order Orwell soon to receive copies before Christmas, but if you’re near Dallas, Albuquerque, San Diego or Phoenix, Orwell is available in fine Easyriders stores and Cycle Vision in San Diego. Check ’em out and their specials for Christmas.
RENO STREET VIBRATIONS IS COMING– Sept. 19-23. Check the shit on this event at www.road-shows.com.
BIKERNET RESEARCH AND TESTING LAB–We have several tech articles heading your way from the Top Secret Bikernet Testing Labortories, brought to you through grants from the Pasadena Art Center of Bad Welders and the Howard Hughes Foundation for the Ill Prepared. We have assigned a crack cub reporter to report back on several build-a-bike chassis kits. We’re going to analyze fitment, component quality and price from Mid USA, Custom Chrome and Bikers’ Choice, and compare the discount kits to what it would cost to put together a Jesse James or Paul Yaffe rolling chassis.
We are going to sneak into the heads and shops of some of the finest speed freaks in the country for their formula for porting, polishing, flowing Evolution and Twin Cam heads.
We plan to work with ABUS to test motorcycle locking systems, chains, padlocks and rotor locks. We’ll break out the freon, hacksaws and bolt cutters and find out what holds, slows down and irritates the shit out of bike thieves.
Here’s one of our on-going tests. This had to do with powerful dog training and restraint tinsel strength. See for yourself.Download it Here.
TITAN AUCTIONS BIKES AT TITAN OF ATLANTA– ’99 Geckos and Sidewinders will be rolling out for $17,000 to $20,000. Model 2000 Phoenix units will sell for $15,000 and $16,000. Each one will receive a useless four-year, unlimited mileage warranty and new MSOs. These scoots will be sold Dec. 12 at Florida Auto Auction of Orlando. To register, call (407) 656-6200. For additional details, call Dave Sullivan at (678) 393-8550. These bikes WILL be sold to the highest bidder! Don’t miss out.
TWO VAMPIRES– wanted to go out to eat, but were having troubledeciding where to go. They were tired of the food in Transylvania and wantedsomething more exotic. After some discussion, they decided to go to Italybecause they had heard Italian food was really good. So off they went and ended up in Venice.
On a bridge over one of the canals, they hid in the shadows and waited fordinner. A few minutes later they noticed a young couple walking their way.Each vampire grabbed a person, sucked them dry and tossed the bodies intothe canal below.
The vampires were pleased with their first meal and decided to have seconds. Another young couple approached a few minutes later and suffered the same fate as the first …sucked dry and tossed into the canal below.
The vampires are now ready to have dessert. In a short while a third youngcouple provides just that. As with the first two couples, these people weretossed over the rail into the canal. The vampires decided it was time to head back home.
As they started to walk away, they heard singing. They were puzzled becauseno one else was on the bridge. As they listened, they realized that the singing was coming from the canal. They looked over the rail and saw a big alligator in the water under the bridge, feasting on the bodies. They listened as the alligator sang…(are you ready for this).
“Drained Wops keep fallin’ on my head …”
–Geno, The Horse Magazine
BLM PUBLISHES DRAFT NATIONAL OFF-HIGHWAY VEHICLE STRATEGY (COULD IMPACT BONNEVILLE RACING)–The Bureau of Land Management today released a Draft National Off-Highway Vehicle Management Strategy that is intended to promote environmentally sound Off-Highway Vehicle (OHV) use on BLM-managed public lands. The Draft Strategy, which reflects extensive public input, is now available for a 30-day public comment period that begins today and runs until Jan. 3.
“This Draft Strategy is aimed at recognizing the interests of OHV users while protecting environmentally sensitive areas on the public lands,” said Henri Bisson, the BLM’s Assistant Director for Renewable Resources and Planning. “It also seeks to focus the agency’s scarce funding and staffing resources on OHV management rather than on OHV-related litigation.”
Bisson added, “The BLM was very encouraged by the public’s participation and input at the 49 OHV ?listening’ meetings that we held this past summer. In addition, the public submitted nearly 5,000 written comments that 10 BLM specialists have been categorizing and analyzing since September. These comments have guided our agency in writing this Draft Strategy.”
The Draft Strategy offers management guidance and recommends numerous actions aimed at creating a local framework for reviewing and resolving OHV-related issues. These issues include current OHV designations; signs, maps, and other public information; existing OHV regulations; route inventory needs; OHV impacts on resources; road and trail design, maintenance, and restoration; management of Wilderness Study Areas; monitoring; education (both public outreach and staff training); law enforcement; and the BLM’s budgetary needs.
The Draft Strategy recognizes, consistent with the BLM’s existing policy, that Off-Road or Off-Highway Vehicle use is a legitimate activity on public lands wherever compatible with the Bureau’s resource management objectives and when in compliance with the Federal Land Policy and Management Act (FLPMA) of 1976. The Draft Strategy notes that under FLPMA, the BLM is required to manage the public lands in a way that accommodates multiple uses while protecting public land resources. “The BLM believes that this Strategy can provide guidance to promote the balance between these sometimes competing principles,” the 64-page document says.Any member of the public who submitted comments or signed in at an OHV “listening” meeting will receive by mail a copy of the Draft Strategy early this month. In addition, the BLM has posted the Draft Strategy on its Internet Home Page (
BIG DOG UNVEILS UPDATED WEBSITE–Big Dog, the leader in manufactured custom motorcycles, and the company that stands above the rest in customer service and warranty repairs, launched their new comprehensive Website (www.bigdogmotorcycles.com). The totally rebuilt site debuts the all-new 2001 model line-up, highlighting Big Dog’s 2001 Platinum Performance Series and 2001 Core Performance Series lines of motorcycles. Along with easier navigation, Big Dog has expanded the site to include complete information on their national dealer network, a full-line paint options section, real-time available factory inventory, comprehensive specifications and special event information. Nick Messner, the President of Big Dog, made some comment about the new site, but he slurred his words so badly, we couldn’t make it out. But he did say something about multimedia sections and downloadable owner’s manuals and expanded part sales in the future.
BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT–Just got back from Phoenix, Ariz., the first Bourget’s dealer meeting tookplace there last weekend. Some of the news is the new Website and a newmodel, which will come out pretty soon. Roger is buildingsome trick shit in the milling machine, including rocker covers, transcover, six-piston calipers, brake and clutch levers, etc. Also check outthe new BBW clothing line which is coming out soon.
We went to Myron’s Billet Bar to say hi, but he was not there. Also passedby Sonny Barger’s new shop, cool little shop, and pretty friendly HAs.Deano’s paint shop in Tempe was killer. We saw the latest in paint-relatedstuff and some pretty trick designs. Check his Websitewww.custompainting.com.
Hey Bandit, Roger and I are planning to join on the ride to Sturgis nextyear. Whadda you think?
Finally, Caribbean Custom Cycles is done, 801 Fernandez Juncos Ave., san Juan, PR 00907…..tel (787) 721-0633. We have all the stuff, cool custom bikes andT-shirts. If interested or coming by PR, give us a visit.
The new clothing line is already a reality, for chopper riders only (andwannabees), five of 15 designs are out. Call or write for a flyer.The official opening of Caribbean Custom Cycles 801 is Jan. 13. Roger Bourget will be there, maybe Bandit will too and sign somebooks. If around, come by and party some.
The 2nd Caribbean HOG Rally was a success. HOG members from New York,Chicago, Florida, Italy, Germany, St. Martin and the Dominican Republic joinedthe locals on a three-day ride accross the mountains and coast of Puerto Rico,all ending with a party at a local hotel in San Juan. More than 200 motorcyclistsattended.
Also, the HOG San Juan election took place Dec. 10. The new director isAlfredo Mere and vice director, as always, is Guti Qui?ones.Just got a flyer from the LAMA (Latin American Motorcycle Association) saying its 2001rally will take place in PR and then will take a ferry to the DominicanRepublic. It will be in April. They expect to do 2002 in Mexico and 2003 inCuba. Good luck!
A new Caribbean Custom Cycles has opened in Orlando Florida, at Deep SouthCycles. The shop will just carry custom bikes and Bourget’s since DeepSouth is well-stocked and service is excellent.
Christmas is almost here and I’m still dizzy from the Phoenixtrip. Now it’s time to get back to the shop and finish a 72 XL chopper Ipromised to my girlfriend.
It’s time to give thanks for all the lucky breaks we had over the year, andthanks for being able to ride one more day. Thanks for having a sunny 89-degree day while people are freezing their butts in the frigid north. Iwish everyone a happy holiday……….
–Jose
BLACK AND BLUE EYE FOGLESS GOGGLES–The Blu Eye goggle is designed to meet the demand for comfortable fog-free vision in all weather conditions. They offer cross-eyed eye protection and are as good looking as they are functional. They have a soft rubber frame for comfort and safety, and come with impact resistant polycarbonate lens with anti-fog coating. Interchangeable colored lenses to provide for a variety of light conditions. Adjustable clip and elastic strap for a secure fit. Lenses proved maximum UVA and UVB protection. Lenses are available in clear, mirrored clear, yellow, smoked and rose. They’re available from Custom Chrome or Arlen Ness.
NATIONAL AGENDA FOR MOTORCYCLE SAFETY RELEASED LAST WEEKEND– The 110-page document, compiled by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration and the manufacturer-sponsored Motorcycle Safety Foundation, did not suggest that any new regulations be imposed on manufacturers.
NHTSA Deputy Director Rosalyn Millman said the federal agency will use the report to guide future motorcycle safety policy. She pointed out that the number of motorcyclists wiped out last year was 2,472, an incease of 188 over 1998. Fatalities have sharply declined, however, in the last decade. In 1989, the number of dead was, 3,141.
The key topics of the study was the enhancement of rider education programs, programs to discourage the mixing of cycling with alcohol and drug use. and a program directed at motorists to make them more conscious of the presence of bikes.
“Helmets are the toughest issue,” said NHTSA spokesman Rae Tyson. “We had to recognize there are a number of different ways in addition to legislation of increasing helmet use. We are not saying that one is necessarily better than another.”
Here at Bikernet we are happy with any government document that doesn’t advocate new laws. That being said, the NHTSA Agenda did call for new studies, and you all know how we feel about studies performed by any government agency. The outcome seems to be known before any work on the study begins. We need to keep an eye on these guys.
Bikernet recently interviewed Rob Rasor the new President of the AMA who mentioned that due to the European Union and the influence of Europe on a global economy that we may be looking at horsepower restrictions, leg protectors and manditory clothing standards in the future. Stay involved! Join your local motorcycle rights organization.
BEST LINE–Best line I have heard about this election mess:”One day you’re the pigeon. The next you’re the statue”
Says a lot about life in general!
–Becky Segal
STEED BRAND AWARDED PATENT–Alternative American musclebike manufacturer, Surgical-Steeds Classic American Motorcycles Inc., was awarded Patent No. 2,367,533 from the United States Patent and Trademark office this past July. The Steed “Brand” logo is used to identify official proprietary products offered by Surgical-Steeds. the registered trademark is used to distinquish each custom Steed Brand Motorcycle. The identifiable silhouette of the Steed Brand logo is emblazoned in their revolutionary Monoglide chassis, logo wheels, parts, accessories and apparel, which can be purchased online at surgicalsteeds.com or at indepandent Steed Dealers.
To celebrate the newly awarded patent, Surgical-steeds prominently outfitted a 2001 Steed Pegasus touring-cruiser motorcycle with the Steed Brand Theme. The “Brand” bike will be on display at dealer appearances, shows and events through 2001 to promote awareness of Steed branded products and accessories.
THE AIM/NCOM MOTORCYCLE E-NEWS SERVICE– is brought to you by Aid to InjuredMotorcyclists (AIM) and the National Coalition of Motorcyclists (NCOM),and is sponsored by the Law Offices of Richard M. Lester. For moreinformation, call us at (800) ON-A-BIKE. Visit us on our Website at <
From TheGUNNY’S SACK
OHIO: There are plenty of reasons to take a Motorcycle Ohio Safetycourse: polishing technique, increasing control, fun. The biggie isthat doing it could keep you among the living.
Starting Jan. 1, there’s one more reason. Graduates from MotorcycleOhio safety courses can take their certification directly to OBMV and obtaina motorcycle endorsement on their license. This is good news indeed. Now, ifwe could get all states to work that way, wouldn’t this make things mucheasier on everybody?
WASHINGTON D.C.: While President Clinton was in Viet Nam he made veryclear to the world that he is a motorcycle helmet advocate by encouraging theuse of the things for children in that country. I’m amazed that I am stillliving having ridden thousands of miles before helmets were considered adeterrent to motorcycle accidents.
NEW DELHI, INDIA: The sales of two-wheeled vehicles is mixed in thiscountry but motorcycle and moped sales are doing just fine with Honda in thelead. Scooter sales are down for some reason. I don’t understand it. I’d ride one if I owned one.
NEW DELHI AGAIN: Hero Honda is India’s largest motorcycle maker andright now they sell the 10-year-old CD series and the six-year-old”Splendour” model in the 100cc motorcycle segment. In the middle of 2001they plan a new model and later in the year there is even another coming outboth in the 100 cc range. The roads there won’t handle much more power thanthat. I was there in the 50’s and most rural roads were dirt.
WASHINGTON: Recently we have read that the FBI has tested a new beastof software called CARNIVORE that takes all privacy away from Internet usersand makes confidential information their baby to play with. This is scaryfolks. Privacy experts say they are worried about the breadth of Carnivore’scapability and questioned why the FBI even conducted such a test in June ifit intends to use the tool only for narrow purposes. Hopefully the courtswill step in and set VERY strict standards for this stuff.
EUROPEAN PARLIAMENT DIRECTIVE ALERT: I don’t think anyone with arestored classic car, or for that matter without a restored classic car,could be against protecting the environment. Highways littered withdiscarded plastic cups and other modern junk don’t improve the looks of thecountryside.
With these ideals in mind, the European Parliament based in Strasbourgpassed a law called (ELV) End of Life Vehicles. After vehicles pass acertain age they are to be scrapped and not recycled or restored as happensto many old cars. This law also affects MOTORCYCLES in many countries. Yousay, OH, IT’S JUST IN EUROPE!!
Don’t be smug simply because you, Mr. or Ms. Biker, don’t mess withold cars. Look around carefully at your next ride or rally and if you knowthe difference between the various models of Milwaukee Iron and othermachines, count the number of bikes that are over 20 years old. Harley-Davidson is well known as the most recyclable motorcycle in the worldand holds its value mainly because of that fact. Some Junker proposals haveincluded motorcycles.
VENICE BEACH, CALIF.: Here we go again folks. The Italian motor scooterVespa (built by Piaggio) is invading our shores again and starting inCalifornia, the land of the fad beginnings in this country.
Rising fuel prices, clogged freeways and smog might be a good reasonfor some of the rest of us to save a bag full of coin and get one of thesecute little critters for ourselves.
BRASILIA, BRASIL: China isn’t the only country that’s making hay whilethe sun shines when it comes to the motorcycle. Brazil’s exports ofmotorcycles rose to 51,404 units in the first 10 months of the year (2000), a94-percent increase over he same period of last year. I wish I could getthat kind of interest on my piggy bank.
SUPERMAN HELPS LIAM NEESON WALK AGAIN: CHRISTOPHER REEVE is helpingLIAM NEESON recover from a near fatal motorcycle crash. Neeson was ridinghis motorbike earlier this year when he slammed into a deer and shattered hisleg – and he’s still learning how to walk properly after the accident. After talking with Reeves on the phone, Neeson said, “He got my head in order.”
JAKARTA: If you buy a motorcycle in Indonesia, watch out. Seems moneyisn’t the only thing you can find that’s counterfeit. Apparently there arefake motorcycles being sold here under the guise of legitimate Chinesemanufacture. Hah! My boss Sam Hochberg likes odd bikes — we should findhim one of these scooters. It’s right up his alley.
NEW HAMPSHIRE: UPI has sent out a copyrighted story that says aUniversity of New Hampshire study blames that state’s lack of a helmet law asthe reason they have TWICE the national average of brain injuries in the”Live Free or Die” state (11% compared to 5% nationally, claims the report). I’d like to read that study — and I’d also like to know if maybe NH has aLOWER rate of broken necks in motorcycle accidents there — maybe they have aLOWER rate of paralyzed people. Maybe too, they have twice as many ridersout there enjoying their Freedom of the Road. I’d like to know ALL thosethings, before setting up New Hampshire’s freedom to ride as a target.
HANOI: When President Clinton was here in November, he gave a littletalk to the embassy people there. He teased his new ambassador, PetePeterson, because after Peterson was in the media rallying for his safetycampaign there, he was nailed by a TV crew riding a motorcycle without ahelmet! Maybe Pete Peterson has his heart in the right place.
GUNNY AGAIN: I keep telling folks that the best friends we have areour hard working AIM lawyers. That statement isn’t entirely true. The bestfriend we have is RIDER TRAINING. Our AIM folks are there for us when we areinvolved in accidents. Get the training first and then if you’re involved inan accident call (800) 531-2424 for your nearest AIM Attorney. Sam Hochbergin Oregon can be reached at (503) 224-1106 or if it’s a toll call use(800) 347-1106.
WORDS FROM RUSTY–Did You Know–The Internet was instrumental in putting Jesse Ventura in the governor’s mansion. He needs to be in the White House. It’s the only chance for big changes in government and he respects the individual rights of citizens and doesn’t agree with the “War on America”.
Did you know —the Bureau of Prisons budget in 1986 was $227 million. Now, 14 years later, the annual budget is $4.7 billion. Mandatory minimum sentences for drugs and illegal immigration are the prime factors increasing the prison population. Crime has not gone up during this period. In 1986, the federal government enacted the mandatory minimum sentencing laws with 28 new sentencing guidelines for drugs. Seventy percent of the 2 million inmates in this country are imprisoned for non-violent drug offenses.
Did You Know–We are the biggest prison-building nation in the world. To keep a few employed, we are imprisoning hundreds of thousands. There are 1.4 million imprisoned for drug offenses. It’s wrong, they know it, but it’s a big business for courts, law enforcement, prison guards, food suppliers, etc. They will never turn it around without being forced by the voters.
THE SUPREME COURT– The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a nativity scene in Washington, D.C., this Christmas. This isn’t for any religious reason. They simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin in thenation’s capitol.
There was no problem however finding enough asses to fill the stable.
WINO JOE REPORTS–RHouse Crew, gotta get some sleep; off ta the Unknowns MC toy/poker runen la manana. BigT knows. I’ll give’m your respect pal. I might behavin’ problamas con mi ‘puter? I ain’t gettin’ “the whole picture” ofwhat is on “RHouse”? When I get back, or past thru San Jose(booty run) Iwill check with MagicBob. If y’all are out there this cold weekend, keeptha rubberside down.
–Ride On! Wino Joe,USA
LUCIFER ANNOUNCES LAUNCH OF SOULXCHANGE.COM– World’s first MarkLucifer announces launch of SoulXchange.com, world’s firstmarketplace for direct buying and selling of souls.
SoulXchange.com, thefirst and only online marketplace for the sale and purchase of humansouls, launches today at Citing advantages over the bait and bribe method of soul acquisitionthat has been employed since the beginning of time, Lucifer referredto SoulXChange as “launching the underworld into the new age andreinventing the war between good and evil.” “SoulXChange empowers the aggregation of not only more souls but higherquality souls at a higher ROI. This gives us a first-mover advantageover Heaven and what’s his name.” The site introduces a revolutionary new technique for establishing soulvaluations. News and user-contributed stories help the site assessthe values of numerous soul attributes, ranging from profession tomarital status, which in turn determine the value of souls. Users register their souls and based on the evaluation of that soul areassigned “SoulBucks.” SoulBucks are used to purchase the souls ofother users. Similar to the stock market, the logic is to buy low andsell high. Individuals with the top portfolios will have their soulreturned. “SoulXchange is a unique synergy of frictionless user-centrice-processes and pure evil incarnate,” adds Lucifer. QUANTUM UPDATE–I called the federal court today to verify Quantum’s next court date. I was informed by Adrian of Judge Briskman’s staff that it was continued until 3 p.m. Dec. 15 at the request of one of the attorneys.It will be on the 5th floor of 135 West Central Ave. in Orlando.The group I am going with will car pool and meet at WIDS Bar on Sarno Road at 1 p.m.All with an interest in this matter are urged to attend if you can. –Rogue
NEEDED–for 1964 Panhead,left side handle bar with a right hand spiral (pulls toward rider) forspark advance.
–dan THE AMERICAN AND THE AUSSIE– are in the Olympic Village in Sydney.The Australian is having his coffee, croissants, toast, butter & jam when an American man, chewing gum, sits next to him and starts an unwanted conversation. American : “You Australians eat the whole bread?” Australian : “Of course” American : (blowing a bubble with his gum) “We don’t. In the States, we only eat what’s inside. The crusts, we collect in a container, recycle, transform them into croissants and sell them to Australia. Do ya eat jam with the bread?” Australian : Of course! American : (chuckling and crackling his gum between his teeth) We don’t. In the States we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, put all the peels, seeds and left overs into containers, recycle them into jam and sell it to Australia. Australian : “Do you have sex in America?” American : (with a big smirk) “Of course we do” Australian : “And what do you do with the condoms?” American : “Throw them away of course” Australian : “We don’t. We put them in a container, recycle them,melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to America”. NEW BIKERNET COLUMN– I’ve got an idea for a funny column — Zebra’s Dating Tips. People write in their relationship problems and I give them wonderful solutions that lead to bliss.What do you think? –Don Juan
ASPHALT COWBOY UPDATE–We don’t have shit to report. The option is in effect and the principles are clamoring to raise the funds to kick off production before the end of the year. We appreciate the interest in the film and the photos that keep rolling in. As soon as something pops, we’ll let you know.
Here’s the latest contribution from Tucker and Mama Hall, shot moments before they split for the Toys for Tots Ride in Santa Barbara, Dec. 3. Here’s what they had to say, “Hey Sleeze! Look at who’s the sleeziest?” LoveYouByeMiaAndMatt
DEAR TECH SUPPORT–Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticedthat the new program began making unexpected changes to the accountingmodules, limiting access to flower and jewelry applications that hadoperated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such asHot-sex 1.0 and Romance 9.9 but installed undesirable programs such as NFL5.0 and NBA 3.0. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.0simply crashes the system.
I’ve tried running Nagging 5.0 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
–Desperate Wife.
Dear Desperate Wife,
Keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0is an operating system. Try to enter the command: C:/I THOUGHT YOU LOVED MEand install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then automatically run theapplications:Guilty 3.0 and Flowers 7.0. But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 todefault to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happyhour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.
Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create “Snoring Loudly” wave files.
DO NOT install MotherInLaw 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. Theseare not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memoryand cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additionalsoftware to improve performance. Personally, we recommend HotFood 3.0,Lingerie 5.0 and FunSexToys 9.0.
–Tech Support
OH, GREAT ONE– I would think that the winner of the Great Chop-Off is obviously the Blue Flame and Bikernet West. Long bikes rule, especially when you consider that SA Zebra was given a head start on construction!
Besides, any one who must go to the great lengths that Zebra does in order to prove his sexual prowess, is surely sadly lacking in the “gear” department.
Please, put a stop to his childish whining and set him firmly in his place as a mere lackey to your sterling stewardship of the Bikernet community!
In closing, the following link will fully explain to those faithful readers who do not receive ample booty from that fat bastard Santa, http://www.funstun.com/christmas2.htm.
— Gunracer
SUCCESS–There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work,and learning from failure.
–Colin Powell
NEW PARTS LIST–
1 – 4 Speed Harley transmission fits 1965-1984 Big Twin ( rebuilt)$1000.00
1 Roadstar 16 inch spoke wheel in box$250.00
1 Revtech 16×3 Front rally style billet wheel complete$350.00ea
1 Sturgis 16×3 1/2 front Mirage style billet wheel complete$350.00
1 Sturgis 16×3 1/2 Rim only Daytona style billet wheel$250.00
2 Sturgis Front Rim Hubs Non Brake Side for Single Brake set-up$50.00ea
1Sturgis 16×3 1/2 Rims only Rally style billet wheel$250.00
1Sturgis 16×5 1/4 Rear Roadstar style billet wheel with Brake Side Hub(needs Pulleyside hub available from Sturgis wheel) Sturgis Roadstar Billet Rear BeltPulley $700.00
1 Attitude style Sturgis Billet Rear Belt Pulley$300.00
2 CCI 47-098 70 tooth rear pulley multi spoke$275.00ea
2 American Quantum Billet Aluminum Anti-Reversionary Front Ends – Ready tobolt on. $700.00ea
5 Billet Aluminum inner primarys to fit FXR$500.00ea
5 Billet Aliminum outer primary covers to fit FXR$500.00ea
4 H-D inner primarys to fit FXR$200.00ea
10 Sets of 4140 Steel EVO connecting rods$50.00set
5 S&S Connecting rod sets part number 34-7010$150.00set
2 Spyke Starter jackshaft kits CCI 28-677 big twins 89-93$70.00ea
3 5-Speed Harley Davidson taper shaft diaphgram clutch assembly w/kevlarclutch plates $400.00ea
Heavy Billet Aluminum 5 Speed transmission doors polished and beaings$150.00ea
7 Jims pinion gears 24045-78 Green to 89$30.00ea
3 Jims pinion gears 24043-78 Red to 89$30.00ea
1Sets CCI 15-294 6 Gallon Gas Tanks HD FXST 1984-96 & custom frames$100.00set
5 CCI 13-383 Russell Stainless Steel Disc Brake Rotors (oem 41813-79) Retail$ 79.95 – Dealer $55.25 – Rogue $50.00 ea
5 CCI 13-381 Russell Stailess Steel Disc Brake Rotors (oem 41791-79A) Retail$79.95 – Dealer $55.25 – Rogue $50.00ea
1 CCI 09-880 Adjustable Rear Mini Shaker Floorboard Set Retail $ 179.95 -Dealer $116.95 – Rogue $100.00
1 Set (4) Custom Sumax Premium Pushrod Cover Kit For H.D.EVO $135.80Retail – $94.05 Dealer – $80.00 ROGUE
1 H-D 132 Tooth Rear Drive Belt # H.D. 40023-86 Fits 86 to present Softail.$165.95 Retail – $107.95 Dealer – $100.00 ROGUE
1 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve Head Front New Retail $295.68 – Dealer $197.12$195.00
1 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve Head Front New Retail $295.68 – Dealer $197.12$195.00
10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve heads front, minor repair needed on some(guide,seat,threads) Retail Price $295.68, – Dealer $197.12 But has guides& seats alreadyinstalled.$150.00ea
10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve heads rear, minor repair needed on some(guide,seat,threads) Retail Price $295.68, – Dealer $197.12 But has guides & seats alreadyinstalled.$150.00ea
1 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve front rocker boxes complete, need to be reshimed$395.00ea
1 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve rear rocker boxes complete, need to be reshimed$395.00ea
10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve front rocker boxes Retail $184.20- Dealer$122.80 $75.00ea
10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve rear rocker boxes Retail $184.20- Dealer $122.80$75.00ea
10 Dual Carb Plenums for Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve heads Retail $95.07-Dealer$75.00 $50.00ea10 Intake Plenum Runners for Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve heads Retail $87.42-Dealer $58.28 $25.00ea50 Feuling-Quantum intake valves Retail $12.15- Dealer $8.10$ 8.10ea
50 Feuling-Quantum exhaust valves Retail $11.03- Dealer $7.35$ 7.35ea
20 Feuling-Quantum Rocker Box Cover Gaskets w/Sealer built in$10.00ea
10 Feuling-Quantum Inner Valve Springs $ 4.00ea
4 Feuling-Quantum Outer Valve Springs $ 5.00ea
*** 8 Feuling 4 Valve Front Rocker Boxes for Sportster or 4Cam V-Twin$200.00ea
*** 8 Feuling 4 Valve Rear Rocker Boxes for Sportster or 4 Cam V-Twin$200.00ea
5 Sets of Billet fender struts to fit Boyce frames$100.00set
10 Front Offset motor mount black powdercoat Boyce frames$25.00ea
10 Front Ofset motor mount Chrome KB 01-301 Boyce frames$30.00ea
5 Petcocks CCI 25-253 & Chrome Spec. 260366$10.00ea
3Petcocks CCI 27050 Accel$30.00ea
20 Steel motormount stablizer (turnbuckle complete) rubber mount 5 speeds$40.00ea
5 FXR Chrome Kickstands$50.00ea
1 Sumax #8635 Front Fender $100.00$50.00
1 Sumax #8650 Front Fender $100.00$50.00
1 Sumax #8651 Front Fender $100.00$50.00
3 CCI 13-389 Russel Stainless Oil Lines for FXR 1987 – 1990 Retail$143.95 – Dealer $99.35 – Rogue $80.003 CCI 13-387 Russel Stainless Oil Lines for Softail 1990 – 1992 Retail$156.95 -Dealer $109.15 – Rogue $90.00
1 Dunlop 491 MT90B16-71H Front Tire $70.00
1 Metzler Perfect ME-99A (150/80X16) Rear Tire $70.00
TO VERIFY SUMAX Fenders Prices and other Info e-mail info@sumax.com andask
Other stuff, such as seats, stainless lines and cables will be listed later. Iam still sorting parts.
4 Valve Parts Available Fully Assembled and ready to bolt on. Mail forprices and details
In the future please use the following addresses:rogue@bikerrogue.comrogue@cfl.rr.comMSN address will be disconnected
INDIANS RETREAT–Indian Motorcycle Co. in Gilroy, Calif., recently laid off 200 employees in an effort to position the company to go public. Even the original boss, Ray, was replaced to become a member of the founders board. Projection to sell 500 motorcyles a month have fallen behind and the company is reducing production to 350 bikes a month. The clone company still houses 500 employees and is struggling to make its bid for a public offering.
ESCAPE HATCH–There was a terrible crash outside the headquarters, and Sin and I jumped out of bed. It was the union leaders unloading the ranks from the back of a rusting school bus. Carrying placards and throwing empty beercans at the headquarters, they started chanting. “We’re outta here. It’s Christmas vacation, you slimy bastard!”
Then I remembered, they’re right. We’re taking a couple of weeks off over the holidays. Why? Because we can. Because you only have one life to live and ya better enjoy the motherfucker before it’s gone. So, is Bikernet going to go stale while the minutes pass as we slip dangerously close to the hour of the new millenium? Hell no! We’re about to launch two new segments of Vince and Chance that were previously published in The HORSE magazine. That series will ultimately become my next book, and the story is just beginning to take shape. We’ll also surprise you with Snake’s ultimate tech tip. If we can find Buck from HardTail magazine we’ll launch another bike feature and a new series of techs. Of course, if you order books, the shipping department will still be open for biz. Other than that, we’re not paying the bills, we’re sleeping in and riding our asses off right up until Christmas day. But next week, when you come for the news, you’ll be lucky if there’s not an image of a bottle of Jack, a set of spokes and a pair of Christmas panties. Make it a Christmas to remember. Let’s Ride–Bandit
