Ah, the Thursday before Christmas. One stinking week to pull all your shit together. Seems impossible? It is, but don’t stress. Do what you can and know that if your friends are worth their salt, present or not, they’ll know you’re thinking of them (in one way or another).
So be careful, put the guns away, break out the firewood, whiskey and spend a warm evening with the woman you love. If ya can’t ride, kick back with a CCI catalog and ponder the impending riding season just a couple of months away. Let’s hit it:
BRAND NEW CUSTOM CHROME CATALOG RELEASED–
Custom Chrome’s new offering for 2004. The California based distributor brings you the most comprehensive product offering in the Harley-Davidson aftermarket! At over 1,200 pages and over 22,000 part numbers, their 2004 Catalog features the new RevTech 110 Motor, Hard Core II, Ares bikekits and noumious frames and forks–everything from nuts & bolts to performance products. It’s the Custom Bike Bible for the year.
ONLY $9.95 + 6.95 Shipping**
MERRY CHRISTMAS, GODDAMNIT–Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all…
And a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2004, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only “AMERICA” in the Western Hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, or sexual preference of the wishee.
(By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.)
–from Rogue
BIKERNET LEGAL ADVICE–Why lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer:
In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his firstwitness to the stand — a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approachedher and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?”
She responded, “Why, yes I do know you, Mr.Williams. I’ve known yousince you were a young boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.”
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?”
She again replied, “Why yes, I do. I’ve known Mr.Bradley since he was ayoungster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. Hecan’t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. Yes, I know him.”
The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, “If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, you’ll be jailed for contempt.”
BIKERNET BOOKEEPING ADVICE–A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has taken him for ten million bucks. This bookkeeper happens to be deaf, so the Godfather brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.
The Godfather asks the bookkeeper: “Where is the 10 million bucks you embezzled from me?” The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the 10 million dollars is hidden.
The bookkeeper signs back: “I don’t know what you are talking about.”
The attorney tells the Godfather: “He says he doesn’t know what you’re talking about.”
That’s when the Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper’s temple, cocks it and says: “Ask him again!”
The attorney signs to the underling:”He’ll kill you for sure if you don’t tell him!”
The bookkeeper signs back: “OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo’s backyard in Queens!”
The Godfather asks the attorney: “Well, what’d he say?”
The attorney replies: “He says you don’t have the balls to pull the trigger.”
–from Chris T.
BIKERNET TRAVEL ADVICE–A bus full of really ugly people died in a wreck. As they were all standingin line in heaven, God decided to grant every one of them one wish forhaving had to endure a life of misery for being so unattractive.
The first person said, “I want to be beautiful,” so God made it happen.
The second person then said, “I want to be beautiful,” so God made ithappen again.
This continues all the way through the line, with each person wishing to bemade beautiful.
However, as this was going on God noticed that the man at the end of theline was laughing. Not only was he laughing, but as each person expressedtheir wish to be made beautiful, the man continued to laugh harder andharder, until he was laughing hysterically.
When the man’s turn finally came up, God asked him for his wish.
The man said, “Make ’em all ugly again.”
–from Richard
PERFORMANCE MACHINE GOES TELEVISION–Tune in to the Speed Channels, American Thunder this Tuesday night and every Tuesday night for the rest of December to follow the build up of the wildest custom bike Performance Machine has ever attempted.
We let the crew from American Thunder play voyeur in our super secret R&D Department and they have the scoop on some of the most innovative products PM has developed for 2004. You’ll have to see it to believe it as the PM build team scrambles against all odds and a brutal timeline to complete the bike for a Hot Bike Magazine cover shoot. Check it all out on American Thunder on the Speed Channel, Tuesday nights at 7:00 Pacific Time.
–David Zemla
Art Director
Performance Machine Inc.
PANHEAD IN THE NEWS WILL ROCK READER’S SHOWCASE– THANKS for featuring my Panhead on the Thursday news!! It was a great thrill to see my bike on the website…
I read your news flashes every chance I get, and I can’t wait to tell some of my ridin’ bros to look me up on your site!
I started reading Sam Orwell and it’s got me hooked.
It was too cool to see my bike on the same page as Indian Larry and Billy Lane. It made my day.
RIDE ON CHOPPERS 4 EVER.
Kevin Flynn from Niagara Falls
We’re going to take his classic Pan a step further. I sent it to CrazyHorse to be featured in the Reader’s Showcase department of Bikernet. You can feature your bike on Bikernet by slipping into the Reader’s Showcase area. Don’t miss it.
THE LUCKY DEVIL TEAM RETURNS–Lucky Devil Metal Works rose from the fiery depths nine months ago to begin its dominance on earth. The owners Kent Weeks & Eric Joly have established a reputation for building bikes that are unique in design and for their trick parts.
They both have well-established backgrounds in the motorcycling community having come from different aspects of the profession. It seems the adventure is about to become a family affair with Kent’s wife coming on board to handle the office duties and bringing along her years of experience working for two factory H-D stores in Houston.
As you enter the shop there is a pretty cool front display area large enough for a few bikes, the normal shop merchandise, a sitting area to kick back and relax with a cool beverage. The H-D cooler is stocked with a variety of items, one being their own Lucky Devil bottled water. Taken from the brow sweat of the thousands of little demons out back in the devils workshop filing, smoothing and grinding on the custom bikes.
Kent’s a master welder (for 12 years), and it’s his main passion. The motorcycling community is fortunate that he likes shaping sheet metal, too. Once we entered back stage area of the “Devils Workshop” Kent showed us a Softail, or at least that’s what it was when it entered the building. This is one long, low and lean bike. Check out that front grillwork.
The custom touches are all over this bike from the in-shop made rockers and axle spacers, to the two-piece front exhaust pipe for easy removal. The pipes run between the frame and engine and will will be connected to the heads with springs like drag bikes.
Ya gotta check out the Texas 3D metal work! There ain’t no bondo there boys, just some very impressive metal work. That’s all hand formed metal.
Lucky Devil Metal Works offers limited edition accessories. There are point covers, derby and chain inspection plates. They are currently working with Rick Fairless of Strokers in Dallas on additional designs.
They also manufacture a clean clutch cable bracket for converting to foot clutch, that allows the stock foot shifter to be used for the clutch. I ordered one for myself. No trans shifter available at this time. He is also working on a heavy-duty kick ass shifter arm that he started fabricating for a client, who has since disappeared. I’ll take it. He also began a cobra shifter arm. There’s more, the unique devil’s tail license plate/taillight brackets and top motor mounts too.
Kent spent two hours showing us the shop and some of the previous bikes they have built. Most of bikes were long gone. They did a great job of documenting their work and will upgrade their website in the near future. So continue to check back.
I’m sorry I missed the opportunity to meet Eric and look forward to insight into the second half of this creative team in the future. Lucky Devil Metal Works perform minor sheet metal fabrication right up to full customs. I’m thinking of taking the little red rigid down there to see what ideas they might have for her.
I will continue to visit to see what’s next to emerge from the bowels of the Devils Workshop!
Later,
Rigid Frame Richard
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