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AND NOW WE TAKE YOU LIVE TO A SPEECH BY REV. JESSE JACKSON–Due to the great consternation caused by the revelation of my act of procreation, I accept my obligation to give an explanation to thepopulation for my act of copulation.
I gave in to temptation, for the anticipation of sexualgratification, that I could not obtain through masturbation, whichresulted in my fornication. I accepted her invitation, and providedher with excitation, stimulation, penetration, replication, andliberation.
She provided lubrication (to avoid inflammation) and I wore condomsto avoid contamination. She cried for duplication but I insistedupon termination, in spite of her fascination with variation.
This has caused me great aggravation, and the agitation andprovocation of the media has resulted in my humiliation,denigration, and degradation. My wife is considering castration,which would require my hospitalization.
Pray that this matter will find culmination in my sanctification andrehabilitation so that my plans for nomination to my ultimatevocation will not result in revocation and termination. I hope thisproclamation has provided illumination and verification and willprohibit further provocation–Thank you.
WHITE BROTHERS AND HOT BIKE PRESENT– the expanded 2-dayThe Los Angeles Calendar Motorcycle Show, July 21st and 22ndThe West Coast’s largest Streetbike Show, our own LA Calendar MotorcycleShow was a huge sellout success again this past year at the new Queen MaryEvent Park location in Long Beach. So for 2001 we will be expanding theShow to both days of our normal 3rd July weekend date to accommodate allour fans. Complete details are on-line athttp://www.FastDates.com/BikeShow.htm
LESS THAN VALUABLE INFORMATION– American car horns beep in the tone of F. No piece of paper can be folded more than 7 times. Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes. 1 in every 4 Americans has appeared on television. You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television. Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty years of age or older. 11. The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley’s gum.
BIG DOG HIRES A NEW GUY–Big Dog is proud to announce that John Newland has joined Big Dog as director of the newly created Customer Service Department. Mr. Newland’s poiition was designed to strengthen the customer service function and enhance dealer relationships, besides he needed a job.
In this change, Mr. Newland will assume responsibility for warranty administration, warranty reporting, supplier warranty and supplier warranty recovery. He also will administer the Big Dog Service Center and authorization of field service centers. In other words, if it’s broken Newland is the man. Fortunately Big Dog has an excellent reputation for reliability, or it might be a helluva stressful job.
DRAMA IN THE DESERT–SAE/SWE is pleased to announce an exciting, special evening ofrecord-breaking, real life stories and award-winning photographyfeaturing Ms. Louise Ann “LandSpeed” Noeth. Louise is a renownedfreelance photojournalist and historian specializing on the many landspeed record attempts at Bonneville and Black Rock Desert.
Her presentation includes more than 90 full-color slide photos plusan exclusive video of the recent world record breaking attempt whileon assignment for Sports Illustrated. Louise is a dynamic speakerwith inside information on many of the race teams, including CraigBreedlove’s Spirit of America and Richard Noble’s ThrustSSC.
Meet Louise and join your peers for a great evening. Make your RSVPtoday!
MARCH MEETING NOTICE
Tuesday, March 20, 2001
Torrance Women’s Club
For more information on attending, contact:www.sae-socal.orgorshelia.flynn@HSC.com
BIKERNET RIDING TIPS–
Counter Steering: If you push the left bar, the bike goes left. If you push the right bar, the bike goes right. That is, unless you keep pushing the right bar all the way, then you will probably go left while the bike swaps ends.
Crashing: Remember riding isn’t inherently dangerous… crashing is.
The Sidelines: It’s always better to be on the sidelines wishing you were on the track than on the track wishing you were on the sidelines.
Fuel: The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you’re on fire.
The Rear Wheel: The rear wheel is just a big fan used to keep the rider cool and his butt relaxed. If in doubt… watch. When it locks up or slides out you can actually see the rider start sweating and pucker marks are left on the seat.
Too Slow: No one has ever hit something too slow.
Rides: A ‘good’ ride is one you can walk away from. A ‘great’ ride is one you can walk away from and use the bike again.
Getting Hit: They can’t hit you if you’re not there.
Mistakes: Learn from the mistakes of others. You won’t live long enough to make all of them yourself.
Center Stands: You know you’ve left the center stand down when you’re in top gear at 4000 rpm going nowhere.
Traction: When traction is sparse, the probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of lean. Large angle of lean, small probability of survival and vice versa.
Fog: Stay out of fog. The single red taillight you think is another rider ahead that you can catch, might be the red starboard light of a docked boat.
Parking: Always try to keep the number of times you park the bike equal to the number of times you’ve ridden it.
Luck & Experience: You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.
Laws: Remember, gravity and centrifugal force are not just good ideas. They’re laws not subject to repeal.
–Modest MikeStreetware:
REMEMBER VALENTINES DAY, GODDAMNIT–
My Sweet Love
My sweet love that holds me close
Jealous of others staring at your body
When I touch my hands upon you
Passion rages through me
As I ease my body down onto you
Blood flows through my veins like rivers smashing intothe seas
I realize that no other will ever touch me again
Consumed by the hunger I feel within
Sweet love of mine
You take me where no other has dared
My every being is released to explore
As my thighs tightens with your touch
Feeling your power beneath me
Power which only you possess
Sexual desires dominate my thoughts
I tighten my body down for the ride
Longing for the juices to flow
Sweet love of mine
My Harley, my Love, my Ride, my Pride.
–Sparks
CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY
A lady about eight months pregnant got on a bus. She noticedthe man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately movedto another seat.
This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the manburst out laughing, She complained to the driver and he hadthe man arrested.
The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20years old) what he had to say for himself. The man replied,”Well your Honor, it was like this:
When the lady got on the bus, I couldn’t help but notice hercondition. She sat under a sign that said, “The Double MintTwins are coming” and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, “Slogan’sLiniment will reduce the swelling” and I had to smile.
Then she placed herself under a sign that said, “William’sBig Stick Did the Trick” and I could hardly contain myself.
BUT your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and satunder a sign that said, “Goodyear Rubber could haveprevented this Accident…I just lost it.”
“CASE DISMISSED”
BIKERNET GOES TO DAYTONA BEACH–We’re proud to have a billboard on Speedway Blvd, but now we’ll also be featured on 21 Demolition Derby billboards throughout the area. But there’s a catch. We sents our babe sticker art to Joetta at the billboard company and she called me yelling that the girl was topless and completely unacceptable on Billboards. We humbly replaced the art with something more sedate, but snuck in our devilish babe in another way. Watch for her all over Daytona, and don’t miss the Demolition Derby.
Once again Kevin Ruic, the founder of the Demolition Derby, was named the host on the Official Bike Week video produced by Big Sky Video. Big fucking deal, still no money just world wide fame and free pussy. Too bad I’m too old to enjoy it. The first thirty seconds is great and it’s all down hill from there.
The BBC is coming to Daytona and plans on doing a one hour special on the derby. They’ll be filming us all week getting ready for the show and then the show itself.
–The World Famous Kevin J. Ruic
Ruic & Associates
Motorsports Consultants
20450 Bunker Hill Drive
Fairview Park, Ohio 44126
Phone: 440-895-1120 Fax: 440-895-0937
INDIAN RUMORED IN TROUBLE–Recently Indian laid off 200 employees. Although Ray Sotelo one of the company’s founders said recently, “reports of our demise are not just premature, but downright inaccurate.” The company set an initial production target for the past year of 6,000 bikes, but only produced 5,000– the identical production run of the first Excelsior-Henderson year. Recently another rumor surfaced that they are looking unsuccessfully for major loans. More recently, it was reported that Ray is no longer at the helm of the company.
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