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Ole and Sven die in a snowmobiling accident, drunker than skunks, and go to Hell.
The Devil observes that they are really enjoying themselves. He says to them ‘Doesn’t the heat and smoke bother you?
Ole replies, ‘Vell, ya know, ve’re from nordern Minnesooota, da land of snow an ice, an ve’re yust happy fer a chance ta varm up a little bit, ya know.’
The devil decides that these two aren’t miserable enough and turns up the heat even more.
When he returns to the room of the two guys from Minnesota , the devil finds them in light jackets and hats, grilling Walleye and drinking beer.
The devil is astonished and exclaims, ‘Everyone down here is in abject misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourselves?’
Sven replies, ‘Vell, ya know, ve don’t git too much varm veather up dere at da Falls, so ve’ve yust got ta haff a fish fry vhen da veather’s dis nice.’
The devil is absolutely furious. He can hardly see straight.. Finally he comes up with the answer. The two guys love the heat because they have been cold all their lives. The devil decides to turn all the heat off in Hell. The next morning, the temperature is 60 below zero, icicles are hanging everywhere, and people are shivering so bad that they are unable to wail, moan or gnash their teeth.
The devil smiles and heads for the room with Ole and Sven. He gets there and finds them back in their parkas, bomber hats, and mittens. They are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling and screaming like mad men.
The devil is dumbfounded,> ‘I don’t understand, when I turn up the heat you’re happy. Now its freezing cold and you’re still happy. What is wrong with you two?’
They both look at the devil in surprise and say, ‘Vell, don’t ya know, if hell iss froze over, dat must mean da Vikings von da Super Bowl’
–James Schnarr
BIKERNET MEDICAL CENTER Healthy Resolutions: Exercise GODDAMNIT!–Want to add years to your life? Make regular, moderate exercise part of your healthy lifestyle routine. Physical activity is good for the body, mind and spirit, helps maintain and improve the health of your heart, reduces the risk of diseases such as diabetes and Alzheimer?s, promotes energy, quality rest and a healthy weight, helps manage unhealthy stress, and can address symptoms of mild to moderate depression.
So why isn?t everyone exercising? People can always find excuses not to exercise, but really – there is no good reason. To reap all these benefits, all most people need is 30 minutes of moderate aerobic activity at least four days a week, including at least two days of strength training, and a stretching routine.
It?s simple to begin: rent fitness DVDs, join a gym, make an appointment with a personal trainer, or simply get some friends together for daily walks.
–DrWeil.com
BIKERNET DYNA D&D TEST PILOT CHECKS IN–Test rode my Dyna this afternoon with the new D&D Exhaust system, Daytona Twin Tech closed loop computer and the new 62 mm Horsepower Inc. throttle body w/ modified backing plate, installed. The backing plate arrived yesterday afternoon. A Dyno run may happen tomorrow sometime. Sure sounds and runs way different, with a ton of, by the seat of the pants, horsepower and torque gains.
The dyno will reveal the numbers and the salt will tell the truth. Selecting photos for install article that’s in progress, plan on submitting for next Thursdays news.
May attend the Sacramento EASYRIDERS show this weekend and enter my Dyna in the show, if so will take lots of photos and write a report.
Ray
Wheeler Racing
831 594-7783
Biker in Florida Pulled Over for Wearing a Gladiator Helmet–Pam Guenther was enjoying a Saturday morning ride on the back of her husband’s motorcycle in Ocala, Fla., when a cop driving in the other direction abruptly turned around and pulled them to the side of the road.
“I knew we weren’t speeding,” Guenther told Asylum. “So my first question was why is he pulling us over? [The officer] just pointed to my husband and said, ‘He’s wearing a mask, and it’s illegal to cover your face when riding a motorcycle.'”
Luis Santiago’s motorcycle helmet, a custom-modified gladiator-style head protector Irked by what had gone down, and sure her husband hadn’t done anything approaching illegal, Guenther contacted the Florida Highway Patrol. She was eventually told that Santiago was in violation of Florida statute FL 876.12. “876.12 is a criminal statute based on an old (anti-) Klan law where you are not allowed to cover your face or head,” says Guenther, who has sought legal counsel. “It isn’t suppose to be a traffic rule that applies to people on motorcycles.” When we got in touch with Captain Mark Welch, the Chief of Public Affairs for the Florida Highway Patrol, he also cited FL 876.12. In addition, he speculated that the officer may have pulled Santiago over because he wasn’t sure if Santiago was wearing eye-protection, which is required by state law. (Although, again, it’s hard to see how Santiago’s helmet differs from some more traditional ones in that respect.) While it is true that a literal reading of 876.12 would prohibit face masks, we asked Welch if it’s typical for bikers to be cited or warned on that statute. “This is somewhat unusual,” he admitted. “In fact, it’s the first case that I know of.” Guenther feels that she and her husband were unfairly targeted by what she describes as “a young officer jealous of a cool bike and a cool helmet looking for a reason to pull us over.” What she wants is for the department to apologize and make clear that a biker protecting his face is not breaking any laws. Florida law doesn’t require adult bikers to wear helmets –Rogue SPEAKING OF DRACONIAN LAWS, THE BIKERNET ENGLISH CLASS SPEAKS UP–draconian dray-KOHN-ee-uhn; druh-, adjective: It was drizzling outside Friday as the governor was unveiling his budget with its painful program cuts that even he called draconian. In October 1996 Allen publicly admitted that his draconian cost-cutting campaign had had devastating effects on Delta’s workforce. The most straightforward solution would be a draconian crackdown on all unrest — curfews, house-to-house searches, firing on armed rioters, mass internment, widespread use of capital punishment for terrorists, and so on. Draconian refers to a code of laws made by Draco. Their measures were so severe that they were said to be written in blood.
1. Pertaining to Draco, a lawgiver of Athens, 621 B.C.
2. Excessively harsh; severe.
— George Skelton, “The worst budget mess ever”, Los Angeles Times, January 11, 2010
— Daniel Goleman, Working with Emotional Intelligence
— John O’Sullivan, “Dangerous Restraint”, National Review, April 6, 2004
Kentucky Motorcycle Association / K.B.A. 13th Annual Freedom Fighters Forum January 16th, 2010– Come join us for our Annual legislative conference on issues facing motorcyclists and citizens in Kentucky and the U.S. Learn how to be an effective force for change within our government and how to make a difference. This conference is FREE and open to the public.
Where: Lake Cumberland State Resort Park in Jamestown, KY
When: 9am to 5pm Central Time
How: To get more info call 800-68-CYCLEor www.kmakba.com
Why: To protect your Freedoms and Liberty
Who: Candidate(s) for US Senate Rand Paul and Secretary of State Trey Grayson, along with Congressman Hal Rogers, Gimmy Jimmy of the US Defenders program, Ralph Buss and other speakers to be announced.
For Reservations at the hotel mention the KMA/KBA for a special room rate of $55 per night
Lake Cumberland State Resort Park
5465 State Park Road
Jamestown, KY 42629-7801
Telephone: 270-343-3111
Toll Free: 800-325-1709
HAMSTER ENTERS CANNONBALL MOTORCYCLE RALLY–They are both 1915 H-Dtwins, first year 3 speed transmission, chain drives,running speed 55 mph,top speed about 75mph.They’re all stock, but will run later rims, because orig. rims only workwith tires that need about 55 PSI. W/out suspension 10 days will kick yourass, so later rims and tires deflated to about 20-25 psi for “comfort.”
They are going about 300 miles /day on the run, so the trip will take’mabout 10 days!
Rules Of The Ride
These machines are old and most are very rare. A lot of these early bikes would not be on the road today were it not for new parts. In a lot of cases only the motor survived to be resurrected into its former self. As long as the engine in your machine is original then its eligible to run for the prize. Any reproduction chassis or parts should be as they were originally.
BRAKES……..We are all aware that 100 years ago brakes were not that good. If in any way you can improve your braking ability, to the point of even adding a front brake, then it is highly recommended.
CARBS AND MAGS……The original carbs, whether modified or updated some, need to be used, spares allowed. If your magneto isn’t rebuilt you should consider it. We want each bike to use it’s intended ignition source, spares allowed.
We’ll bring you more rules and updates next week.–Wilburn Roach, Bikernet Antique Authority
SS Trike Shifts Into Gear – A 3 speed automatic is now available on all 2010 SS trikes. The shifting is super smooth and is designed for twice the horsepower, which means that is will consistently deliver trouble-free riding. Get all the details at www.sstrikes.com
–Jeff Najar
BIKERNET PHOTO-ART EXHIBIT AND WISHFUL WEATHER REPORT–This may appear like a typical Florida sunny day, but it was in the 20s earlier that morning?..wow c?mon spring.
–Whiplash Biker Photog
soffordphotos@comcast.net
HISTORIC INTERVIEW FROM BIKERNET OLD FOLKS HOME–Let’s hope this happens to all of us! 98 and no enemies – human interest story.
All women should live so long as to be this kind of old lady! Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, ‘ How many of you have forgiven your enemies? ‘ 80% held up their hands. The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly lady.
‘Mrs. Neely?’; ‘ Are you not willing to forgive your enemies? ‘
I don’t have any. ‘She replied, smiling sweetly.
‘Mrs. Neely, that is very unusual. How old are you? ‘
‘Ninety-eight, ‘she replied. The congregation stood up and clapped their hands.
‘Oh, Mrs. Neely, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world? ‘
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said, ‘ I outlived the bitches.. ‘
–from Bernie Shattuck
BIKERNET SPECIAL REPORT FROM THE UNCLE MONKEY ARCHIVES–Well all the presents have been opened. The trusty leather belt loosen up a couple of holes. The trees and all the tinsel have been packed away for another year. The days ago have been remembered and laid to rest. A new year is upon us and we stare out into the abyss of what is to come.
Those of us in the Snow Belt we have been battling almost consistent -40 temperatures. For my American friends -40 is the same in both temperatures – damn cold. But this year there is more optimism then other years. Countdowns to riding season have started even though the newscasts call for another 3 inches of snow. Some say 90 days, overly optimistic for anyone who lives in Saskatchewan anyways, others say 120 which at least puts us into April which certainly do-able.
As I said there seems to be more of a buzz this year then others. More trips, more rides, more memories to make. Perhaps it is the offspring of having a usually cold summer last year and an extended deep freeze going into this year that has us chomping at the bit to get out and ride.
For me a new year means a new spending budget for my bike, thankfully I have nothing major to do, only tightening up the few small things that the purse strings couldn’t loosen up for last fall. The yearly events are falling into place the Christian Riders PMS potluck supper in January, RMAI Swap Meet in February, Moose Jaw Motorcycle Association March Swap Meet. St Victor Boogie in June, and yes the plan is once again to head to Sturgis in August and maybe check out that Monkey Rock that started up, after all where else would you expect your Uncle Monkey to show up at Sturgis.
As for my friends, the last of the hold outs (besides me) has purchased a new bike. It seems that a weight has been lifted from the group. New machines mean no more worries about breakdowns and the unpredictable results of years of abuse that we heaped on our old machines. New machines also mean new canvases to work and refine, paint, dip, and chrome. New toys, new knick-knacks that have no rhyme or reason other then to make their black Road King to stand out from everyone else?s. The miles that wait, the roads to travel, the places to see knowing that they are on a “dependable” machine.
2010 is the second year of riding for my wife. The simple little Honda snuggled up close to my Fat Boy for warmth and comfort in the frigid Saskatchewan cold. But even she too has got the itch to get out and ride, to reach new milestones, to once again feel the freedom that only riding her own motorcycle can bring. She’s happy with her progress and continues to encourage other women to take that first step to riding their own machine.
A new year means a fresh start, a new beginning and all that hubbub that we always say. I hope to see old friends on the road and to make new ones along the way. Now if you don’t mind I have to start crossing the days off my calendar.
–bad Uncle Monkey
WEB SITE DOMAIN NAME FOR SALE,CustomTrikeMotorcycles.com The domain can be purchased at Sedo.com (price includes Sedo’s Domain Escrow Service to protect both parties) by clicking on the link below: http://sedo.com/search/details.php4?domain=customtrikemotorcycles.com The domain remains available on a non-exclusive first-come, first-purchased basis. We reserve the right to adjust pricing and availability. –T. Vernieri SUCKER PUNCH IN THE NEWS AGAIN–Here are two pics..one is of Donny’s drag bike and a beauty the other is of what my bike looked like when Jeff first built it, before it even hit pavement. I know I owe you one final story on the reincarnation of the work truck, which you will have as soon as it gets a few finishing touches and shot. Ken
17801 Calle Capistrano, Suite D-1
Moreno Valley, CA 92551
Need More Excitement in Your Life? Jump Off a Building!–Riding in everyday traffic on the road is not enough excitement for you? All the idiots cutting you off and acting stupid don’t get your adrenalin up anymore? The Stratosphere over in Vegas got just the thing for you: Skyjump Las Vegas.
The guys at the highest building on the strip recently announced what may just become one of the top tourist attractions in North America. Adrenaline junkies and average Joes alike will have the opportunity to plummet 855 feet off the Stratosphere in a controlled free-fall at speeds of up to 40 mph. If you can bear to keep your eyes open, the view may actually be quite nice, too. SkyJump Las Vegas will offer a way to experience thrills similar to skydiving and base jumping – with the added benefit of doing it over the Las Vegas Strip – day or night.
The attraction is expected to open April of 2010, and will join three thrill rides already atop the tower: Big Shot, X-Scream and Insanity.
All things considered, this may actually turn out safer than the daily ride to work…
– – C.S. Berg
Bikernet Vegas Entertainment Director
BOOKS OF OLD OUTLAW MC PHOTOGRAPHS NOW AVAILABLE–I have become very close to Beverly Roberts…she lives back east and she is the daughter of a guy who was in the Outlaws in the ’60s…to make a long story short, her dad was an ace photographer and he took a million classic pics in the ’60s…she discovered all the negs a while back and, with the full support of the Outlaws (she is still very much involved with them), she has compiled a photo book that has sold a ton of copies over the last year or so.
She has a second book of photos coming out…I will be writing the introduction…
Outlaws that are truly represented in the photos of Jim Miteff; this entire lifestyle is documented, at its most raw…fun…crazy…etc., etc., etc. …”…you get the idea…)… go to her website: www.flashproductionsllc.com
–Bill “Press” Hayes
National Press & Publicity Officer
Boozefighters MC
http://stores.shop.ebay.com/Biker-Books-DVDs-and-Music
www.bfmc101.com
Rep. Steve Kirby takes on discrimination against … bikers? —He calls it motorcycle profiling and he wants it to stop. That’s the message in Tacoma Democratic Rep. Steve Kirby’s House Bill 2511. http://apps.leg.wa.gov/billinfo/summary.aspx?bill=2511&year=2009
The bill would direct all police agencies to develop policies to “condemn and prevent” motorcycle profiling. The cops also would have to have written policies against the practice, work with motorcycle groups to address the issue and train all officers.
The bill defines motorcycle profiling like this: For the purposes of this section, “motorcycle profiling” means using the fact that a person rides a motorcycle or wears motorcycle-related paraphernalia as a factor in deciding to stop and question, take enforcement action, arrest, or search a person or vehicle with or without legal basis under the United States Constitution or the Washington state Constitution.
Link to the actual bill ?
http://apps.leg.wa.gov/documents/bil…Bills/2511.pdf
Posted By Peter Callaghan
–from Rogue
?WHISTLER? WHEEL BY RENEGADE–How ya gonna top this? Renegade?s new WHISTLER certainly presents that challenge to other wheel manufacturers while offering enthusiasts one of the most unique wheel designs to come along in some time. Best described as a ?Directional Vortec? layout, the wheel?s visual impact is nothing short of stunning and will certainly be the focal point when installed on any Chopper, Bagger or Street Cruiser.
The WHISTLER, as with the company?s other wheels is offered in diameters 16? to 26? and widths from 2.15? up to a massive 14?! Finishes include Renegade?s legendary mirror like Chrome, Black Ebony, Black Powder Coat and a wide variety of custom colors on special request. And get this, pricing for the new wheels starts at just $1150.00!
For complete details call Renegade direct at 714-998-7241 and be sure to visit their awesome site at www.renegadewheels.com
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