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We Want Your Tattoos – Keep Em’ Comin’
Thanks, jman
The Lady—
A lady walks into a shop that sells VERY expensive Persian rugs. Shebrowses around,then spots the perfect rug and walks over to inspect it. As she bendsover to feel thetexture of the rug, she farts loudly. Very embarrassed, she looksaround nervously to seeif anyone has noticed her little accident.As she turns back, there standing next to her is a salesman.
“Good day, madam. How may we help you today?”
Very uncomfortably she asks, “Sir, what is the price of this lovelyrug?”
In a rather uppity up, matter of fact tone, the salesman replies:”Madam, this is one of our finest and most expensive rugs. If youfarted just touching it, Iquite imagine you will probably shit when I tell you the price.”
The sailor…
A depressed young woman was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said, “Look, you’ve got a lot to live for. I’m off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I’ll take good care of you and bring you food every day.” Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, “I’ll keep you happy, and you’ll keep me happy.”
The girl nodded ‘yes.’ After all, what did she have to lose? That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a life-boat. >From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain.
“What are you doing here?” the Captain asked.
“I have an arrangement with one of the sailors,” she explained. “He’s taking me to Europe, and he’s screwing me.”
“He sure is, lady… This is the Staten Island Ferry!”
Here’s some sneak peaks of OldWolv’s rolling chassis and Hacksaw 1969 Turbo Triumph
Top 8 Idiots of 2001—
Idiot # 1 I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her thatthe ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the Emergency room right away. Here’s your sign lady. Wear it with pride.
Idiot # 2 Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. When they took it for a float onthe river, a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them surprised them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing. Here’s your sign guys. Don’t get it wet, the paint might run.
Idiot# 3 – A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote & wrote; “Thisis a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag.” While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seenhim write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller’s window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to WellsFargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn’t the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or goback to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, “OK” and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back atBank of America. Don’t bother with this guy’s sign. He probably couldn’t readit anyway.
Idiot # 4 – A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained anotherpicture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40. Another sign. (Don’t know about this one… whoever heard of a speeding ticket for $40???? Try $240….)
Idiot # 5 – A Guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well,but the cashier refused and said, Because I don’t believe you are over 21. The robber Said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn’t believe him. At this point the robber took his driver’s license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot.The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later. (Remind me to have more signs printed up. Give this guy his!)
Idiot # 6 – A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, “Nobody move”! When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him. (This guy doesn’t need a sign,he probably figured it out himself.)
Idiot # 7 – Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape. (Oh, that smarts. Give him his sign!)
Idiot # 8 – Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that aman walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 A.M., flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said hecouldn’t open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren’t available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. Please note that these people are allowed to vote.
The War Of The Roses—
By the time I had rattled off all the recent news about the world of bikes, bikers and babes, new products, new features, new biker adventures, a few choice jokes and an update of Bandit’s adventures, the two derelicts were sawing logs louder than a Willamette Valley saw mill.
As I walked away from the glow of the now sputtering fire, I saw the skulking shadow of Luck as he cautiously inched closer to the unguarded bucket of prawns. As Bandit might say, snag what joys you can out of life, keep from getting a boot up the ass and ride like a screaming banshee.
Snake
