Half the country is buried in snow and it’s as dry as a popcorn fart on the coast. Makes a man want to ride more than work. The new year started with a bang. I can’t tell you some of the plans just yet, but a couple of deals are under way that will, well, you’ll just have to wait and see. We’ve been in the garage a lot recently. The 1928 Shovelhead we’re building at the Dallas Easyriders store is rocking and scheduled to go to paint in the next couple of weeks. I’m working on a paint scheme without much luck. Maybe I need to go to the Easyriders Bike Show in Pomona this weekend for some inspiration.
We’re beginning our Buell hop-up this week or next. Here’s an eye-opener: One of the projects for this year will be to finish my Badlands book with interviews with several veteran club members. Mike Lichter is the man behind the photographs. Mike and I may make a cross-country run to get the interviews and photos. The Harley-Davidson Street Fighter or Buell will be the mount for the ride.
We’re finishing up the details on the next motorcycle desk project. The base for this unit will be a Paughco frame and front end and a channeled Evolution motor with a Custom Chrome 4-speed transmission. The pipes that hold up the glass top will be carefully crafted by Samson Exhaust Systems.
I’m trying to unscramble my feeble brain to explain what happened on Jan. 1. There was a party, a girl, then another girl, then I woke up. At least I think I woke up, and went for a ride. It’s all so fucking fuzzy. Let’s get to the news.
MINNESOTA A.I.M. ATTORNEY WINS RULING AGAINST GANG STRIKE FORCE– St. Paul, Minn. – (MCNW) In what is believed to be the first time bikers have successfully gone head to head with the Minnesota Gang Strike Force, lawyer Stephen R. O’Brien succeeded in obtaining judgment in favor of Michael Kanne and the Minnesota Motorcycle Club Coalition (Confederation of Clubs).
Kanne and the MMCC sued the strike force on Oct. 5, calling a search this summer at Kanne’s St. Cloud apartment illegal. Kanne, a member of the Christian motorcycle club Bond Slaves, is secretary for the MMCC and has no criminal record. Seized were various items of personal property, three computers, dozens of disks and tapes, club mailing lists and other items belonging to the coalition.
Kanne’s lawyer, Minnesota Aid to Injured Motorcyclists (A.I.M.) attorney Stephen R. O’Brien, filed a notice of motion and a motion for the return of all property and the unsealing of the supporting affidavit, the document that justifies the signing of the search warrant.
“By refusing to divulge the supporting affidavits, the government has shown no justification for the search,” O’Brien said.
At a hearing on Nov. 9, Judge Bernard Boland ordered the immediate return of all property seized during the search. The judge also ruled that the supporting affidavit justifying the search warrant had to be disclosed. This may enable O’Brien to bring a 1983 federal lawsuit against the Minnesota Gang Strike Force.
O’Brien recently sued a Crystal, Minn., bar for refusing service to a biker, and was awarded a $720 judgment in what is thought to be the first legal test of Minnesota’s newly enacted Equal Access biker anti-discrimination law.
For his efforts, O’Brien was selected by the National Coalition of Motorcyclists board of directors to receive the NCOM Silver Spoke Award for Legal at next year’s NCOM convention in Orlando, Fla.
SUPERBOWL PARTY– Someone called the other day and asked if there was a charge to come to the party. Well the answer is “No”. The food is on Bikernet, the Superbowl on the NFL and the bands on the Blue Cafe, but you need the coin to buy me drinks. Hell, even the parking directly out front is free.
Of course, if you want a copy of my new book, you’ll have to pay big candy. Don’t miss it. Here’s your personal invitation: You can download the invitation here.
HARLEY MAKES FORTUNE LIST OF 100 BEST COMPANIES TO WORK FOR– Harley-Davidson Motor Co. has made Fortune magazine’s annual list of “100 Best Companies to Work for,” coming in at No. 92. This is the third time in four years that Harley-Davidson has been on the list.
More than 36,000 employees at the candidate companies filled out the Great Place to Work Trust Index, an employee survey that evaluates trust in management, pride in work and the company, and camaraderie.
Details will be available in the Jan. 8 issue of Fortune, on newsstands now. Robert Levering and Milton Moskowitz, authors of “The 100 Best Companies to Work for in America,” assisted Fortune in compiling the list. For more information, visit http://www.fortune.com/fortune/bestcompanies
ULTIMATE TECH TIP–Yes, after extensive research and threatening Snake with his job, Sin Wu came up with the notion for the ultimate tech tip. It hurts to be forced to admit that the concept for the ultimate tech came from a woman, but I humbly admit that it’s true. It’ll be posted soon, don’t miss it.
FACTS OF LIFE–
1. At least five people in this world love you so much they would die foryou.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to bejust like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don’tlike you.
5. Every night, someone thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. Without you, someone may not be living.
9. You are special and unique in your own way.
10. Someone whom you don’t know even exists, loves you.
11. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
12. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look. You most likely turned your back on the world.
13. When you think you have no chance at getting what you want, youprobably won’t get it, but if you believe in yourself, you probably will get itsooner or later.
14. Always remember compliments you receive, forget about the ruderemarks.
15. Always tell someone how you feel about them, you will feel much betterwhen they know.
BUELL REPORT–Check out this exhaust for the Buell from BUB Enterprises at www.bubent.com. It retails for $470.Good looking setup, don’t you think?
__Agent M-2 Anson
ZEBRA SURFACES–Got a question for you. This gas tank is leaking, again. It’d would be the fourth time I’ve had it welded, if I fixed it again, which I’m not interested in doing, because it won’t work. I think the capacity of the tank (although I’ve only been running it half full after Miami to try and remedy the problem) versus the thickness of the steel is a ratio that allows the weight of the fuel, during bumps and rough roads, to crack the metal around the welds, no matter how many times they fix it and I repaint it.
Do we have anyone out there who can get me a tank that’ll hold fuel and not bust all to hell, and that’d look decent on that scoot? Something under a million dollars.
–The fireman, Zebra
If we don’t see an edit of “Burning Daylight” in the near future, our explosives will be set to detonate rather than corrode.
OPEN LETTER TO BANDIT FROM SEDUCTIVE SUNDANCE, DIRECTOR OF BIKERNET’S CYBER BIKE SHOW–You know that most women feel that if we want something done, we’d better handle it ourselves, and let me assure you that I’m no different – especially when dealing with Bandit!?
I was relaxing in my office with a hot cup of tea and reviewing some new bike show entries when my computer chimed to notify me of a new e-mail message. Ed Jauch, one of our winners from November, was writing to ask me if I had received his mailing address. It seems Ed had not yet received his prize for winning in the Sportster Division over a month ago and was wondering what the hold up was.
“BANDIT!” I hollered as I headed down the hall. “What is it you wish, oh tall and blonde one?” Bandit schmoozed as he looked at me with his most innocent little boy grin. “Did you forget one tiny little detail last month when you knocked off for the holidays?” I asked. “No, I don’t think so. Gee, Sin even watered the plants while you were gone. What’s up?” “Well, it seems our November winners are?still waiting on their prizes, and I just know you sent?them out already, RIGHT?”
“Oh SH_T! – the prizes!” Bandit was moving at full speed now, and I trailed him down the hall to see Layla. “With all of this year-end stuff, I completely forgot to mail the prizes to the November winners. Can you get them out today?” She looked up cooly from her still wet nails and calmly informed Bandit that she could take care of a simple task like mailing prizes. Bandit looked at me and smiled. “See, no harm done. The prizes will get out today! You worry too much Sundance!” Bandit saluted us both and headed back down the hall, grateful that I no longer had cause to be angry with him. Layla looked at me like a kindergarten teacher addressing her class on the first day of school. “I thought you knew by now that if you want something done around here, you should bring it to me in the first place.” “I know, I know. It won’t happen again,” I apologized. We smiled that smile of female camaraderie (and began to disrobe), and I wondered if it would ever occur to Bandit who it is that really runs Bikernet.
–Sundance
I tell ya, I’m innocent–Bandit
REMEMBER?–having your photo taken on this bike in So. Cal. at an Easyriders rodeo? They gave away a workstation the same weekend. Recently sold the scooter to a friend in No Cal. His name is Shawn. Will also send photos of a diamond deck workstation for the new product section.
–Thanks a million, Ray C. Wheeler
22 SIGNS THAT YOU’VE ALREADY HAD TOO MUCH OF THE 21ST CENTURY–
1. You just tried to enter your password on themicrowave.
2. You now think of three espressos as “gettingwasted.”
3. You haven’t played solitaire with a real deck ofcards in years.
4. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach yourfamily of three.
5. You call your son’s beeper to let him know it’s timeto eat. He e-mails you back from his bedroom, “What’sfor dinner?”
6. Your daughter sells Girl Scout cookies via herWeb site.
7. You chat several times a day with a stranger fromSouth Africa, but you haven’t spoken with your nextdoor neighbor yet this year.
8. You didn’t give your valentine a card this year, butyou posted one for your e-mail buddies via a Web page.
9. Your daughter just bought a CD of all the recordsyour college roommate used to play.
10. You check the ingredients on a can of chickennoodle soup to see if it contains echinacea.
11. You check your blow dryer to see if it’s Y2Kcompliant.
12. Your grandmother clogs up your e-mail inbox askingyou to send her a JPEG file of your newborn so she cancreate a screen saver.
13. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cellphone to see if anyone is home.
14. Every commercial on television has a Web siteaddress at the bottom of the screen.
15. You buy a computer and a week later it is out ofdate and now sells for half the price you paid.
16. The concept of using real money, instead of creditor debit, to make a purchase is foreign to you.
17. Cleaning up the dining room means getting the fastfood bags out of the back seat of your car.
18. Your reason for not staying in touch with family isthat they do not have e-mail addresses.
19. You consider second-day air delivery painfullyslow.
20. Your idea of being organized is multiple-coloredPost-it notes.
22. You hear most of your jokes via e-mail instead ofin person.
RACE PROGRAM INSPIRATION–Few women are into racing motorcycles, but a group has now been formed to enable women to become more of an intragel part of the racing scene. The group, centered in Cleveland, Ohio, is called WRAFS — Women’s Race Action for Sex. Leader Shiela Lust said of the new organization, “There’s nothing more rewarding in the world than accomplishment and sex. We know that sex is the ultimate stimulus for accomplishment, and there’s nothing that drives a man to better, faster and more quality accomplishment than the promise of fine sex. Besides, when they’re on top of their game, it’s all the better for us. Imagine making love to a loser. The program works, and we’re looking for more women to join to help our men succeed.”With over 500 members, they plan to move into virtually every competitive arena. Watch for Shiela and representatives of WRAFS to be featured on Jerry Springer later this month, then on Jay Leno.
FAST FOOD REPORT–I’ve noticed McDonald’s recently added a small sign to their front door, asfollows:
Braille andPicture MenusAvailable
Obviously aimed at the blind who can’t see and the illiterate who can’tread.
–John S.
SAN DIEGO FEMALE GANG WARS– Bandit, that would be so totally cool if you attended our bash. Damn…It is definitely gonna be a good time, definitely wild, and not for the mild.
OK, here’s the info: “The Devil Dolls MC and NY Myke/San Diego H-D are hosting the killer bash on Jan. 12 with a VIP gig, then on Jan. 13 a party from 2 p.m. to 5 p.m. Then it’s a free for all as we all go out and terrorize the So. Cal. citizens! For more info, check events on www.devildolls.com, or call (888)8 CYCLES. “No khaki/blue shirt yuppie uniforms allowed.”
Be cool, baby.Happy New Year!
GOTHGIRL
DDMC
THIS IN FROM WINO JOE– Muchas gracias por su libro con su firma. Nuff’a that Mexshit:) Have’a good one pal! Keep them senor-eaters on their knees toplease! Y’all keep the rubber-side down. Party up! But pack that rollin’a garbagebag; spend the nite with pals and don’t get “caught” out inthe cold.
With respect to those that count. Ride On! Wino Joe,USA
BIKER BABE FROM THE BIG APPLE REPORT–Here is happy me wishing it were riding weather. Brrr…too much cold andsnow. Yuck. Give me that crazy, sexy, hot weather any day over this cold,nippilating temperature. Want to come melt some icicles?
–Sasha
WHAT A DUCKHEAD!– A man took his old duck to the doctor, concerned because the duck wouldn’t eat. The doctor explained to the man that as ducks age, their upper bills grow down over their lower bills and make it difficult for the animal to pick up its food.
“What you need to do is gently file the upper bill down even with the lower bill. But you must be extra careful because the duck’s nostrils are located in the upper bill and if you file down too far, when the duck takes a drink of water it’ll drown.”
The man goes about his business and about a week later the doctor runs into the duck owner. “Well, how is that duck of yours?” the doctor inquired.
“He’s dead,” declared the heartbroken man.
“I told you not to file his upper bill down too far! He took a drink of water and drowned, didn’t he?” insisted the doctor.
“No,” lamented the man. “I think he was dead before I took him out of the vise.”
–from Rick
AN OPEN LETTER TO OZ (BIKERNET ADVERTISING DIRECTOR) FROM THE DIGITAL GANGSTER–
OK Oz, repeat after me….. For 2001:
1.) I resolve to get Digi-Dude the parts he needs to build his rigid.
2.) I resolve not to tell Bandit to fuck off every day (even if he does deserve it).
3.) I resolve to sign the best in the industry as sponsors and keep us all in beans and booze!
4.) I resolve NEVER to be a politician, because the guys at Bikernet need me, and don’t want to see me converted into an EVIL profession…….
5.) I resolve to make that Softail Standard one bitchin’ ride – then run Zebra over with it.
6.) I resolve NOT to round file this e-mail where it will never been seen again.
Happy Fuckin’ New Year!!!!!
-Digital.
TOURING CHOPPER FOR SALE–That’s right, the touring chop is on the auction block. It may be on display at the Easyriders bike show in Pomona this weekend. Come watch Bandit squirm around on the pavement detailing his bikes. It’s Saturday from noon to 11 p.m.
I’VE LEARNED SOME NEW SHIT–I’ve learned that you can keep puking long after you think you’re finished.
I’ve learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
I’ve learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first,the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.
I’ve learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’redown will be the ones who do.
I’ve learned that we don’t have to ditch bad friends, because their dysfunctionmakes us feel better about ourselves.
I’ve learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get arrested and end up in the local paper.
I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from youtoo soon and all the less important ones just never go away.
I’ve learned to say “Fuck ’em if they can’t take a joke” … in six languages.
–GENO, THE HORSE MAGAZINE
HAPPY FRAGGIN’ EVERYTHING CREW–Watch “Junkyard Wars,” a must see for bikers andmotorheads of all ages. If you locked Tim Allen, MadMax and Monty Python in a garage, you’d end up with”Junkyard Wars” – the engineering contest of harebrainedschemes, incredible tools and lots and lots of ducttape (remember boys and girls: Duct Tape – don’t leavehome without it). Thisprogram pits two teams of tool-toting gearheadsagainst one another to see who can create the biggest,fastest or strongest whatever with parts they scroungeout of a junkyard.
“Junkyard Wars” made its North Americanpremiere on Wednesday nights this past December. Thenew sasson, the All-Americanversion, started Jan. 3. Mark yourcalenders.
Consider this a public serviceannouncement.
Live Free Or Die,
Jim Buck
LIFE, LOVE AND THE ETERNAL PURSUIT OF LUST AND SATISFACTION–My code for the week. The new year is underway with a straight-pipe blast. The ER show circuit is underway. The dealer shows are coming in February and already we’re trying to finish bikes by March for Daytona. Sin Wu is tapping on the back door and, believe it or not, it’s warm enough out there to lay in the sun and watch those warming rays put a natural glow on her perfect naked body. Can you blame me for wanting to split? Then later we’ll tinker with Little John’s desk project and go for a ride. Life couldn’t get much better. –Bandit
