Hey,I’m innocent, I tell you. Fortunately a reasonable officer let me off that night and I’m back at the keyboard. Two days ago the Blue Flame was loaded into Japanese Jay’s hammered ’78 Ranchero, and we hauled out to smog-ridden, bleak, Azusa, the home of the Monks Motorcycle Club, to the Headquarters of Joker Machine. The toy grounds for the talented Joker crew is just that. A sprawling, pristine machine shop where a talented group of guys, headed by one woman, Diane, cranks out some of the finest controls and accessories on the market. This is top notch stuff, constructed in a “state of the art” facility in one dreary goddamn town. Rick, the designer, helped me install the forward controls and then we peeled down to Grease Lightening, a shop in Azusa, where the owner, Mike, installed the coated, braided steel brake lines. I was itchin’ as he performed the final bleeding operation and I felt the brakes come to life.
We returned to the coast as fast as possible and unloaded the bike in the alley behind Henry’s paint shop. The hot rod enthusiasts who hang around Henry’s came out aghast at the blue beast. The moment it hit the pavement I fired it to life, warmed it slightly and made a couple of trips around the block. On the second trip I rumbled past the Bikernet Shed/World Headquarters and there she was standing on the deck, her small hands/turned to iron fists against her waist. Her green eyes were transformed to hardened Jade stones as she peered at me and my mighty steed. “Whatta ya want to do?” she said with a quiet directness. “I just got out of the bath and I shaved.”I hit the brakes. We better get to the news:
BIKERNET STURGIS 2000 CHOP OFF–10 DAYS AND COUNTING–Agent Zebra’s bike is now in Ft. Lauderdale’s Thunder Cycles for final tweaks. Japanese Jay is out of the running due to an eviction notice. Jesse James sells everything he can build, so he’s stuck with his acid etched rat Ultra, if he plans to ride. Billy Lane from Choppers Inc. will be trucking to the Badlands and I put my first 10 miles on the Blue Flame, Joker Machine, Daytec Rigid yesterday. I discovered a shifting problem which was quickly remedied, but Breeze has me thinking about the BDL set up and I along with Wrench will be looking hard at the primary belt tension and we noticed that the starter gear is hitting the final drive belt at rest. According to Oz, I need to tighten my rear belt adjustment.
If you’re going to Sturgis, watch for representatives of Bikernet, our billboards and grab a ballot to vote on your favorite survivor. It’s a chance to ask us why the fuck we’re doing this or any questions about the bikes. Where will we be? Who the fuck knows? We’ll be lucky if we make it. If you run into one of us ask for a free sticker and we’ll be selling patches of the same masterful Jon Towle design.
DID YOU KNOW– That the average human eats 8 spiders in their lifetime at night. Hell, I have a couple for breakfast everyday just to stay in form.
Rhinoceros horn is made of compacted hair. How the hell does that work?
The Shortest war in history was between Zanzibar and England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes.
WEST COAST CHOPPERS UPDATE– Miscommunication is a bitch, which often leads to misunderstandings and bad feelings. We here at Bikernet are in the communication business, yet we stumble from time to time. The bottom line is that we’ve resolved any difference we had with Jesse James and his gang of maniacs at West Coast Choppers.
Jesse picks up some heat around the industry from time to time, but he’s the progressive young gun in this wild business and he’s bound to make a mistake from time to time. Any man would, who it working as hard as Jesse to create and manufacturer new shit constantly.
Watch for the Discovery Channel feature on the Chopper Industry and the young guns pumping there lives into it, such as Jesse.
MIKUNI SHOW COMES TO THE QUEEN MARY– This is a tough one. The Mikuni Show is actually not the Mikuni Show this year, but the White Bros show produced by Jim Gianatis. Jim, the photographer behind the Mikuni Show, produced the show to promote his calendars and Mikuni’s American operation for 10 years. It was highly successful outdoor bike show at the Santa Monica Airport for 8 years. Times change though, and people move on. Jim is trying to find a new sponsor for his Calendars and it might be the White Bros since the show this year at the Queen Mary in Long Beach will be sponsored by White Bros. But Mikuni will be there and my bike will be in their booth for part of the day and the rest of the glistening day on the harbor in the Joker machine booth.
FRIENDLY FIRES COMES TO BIKERNET– Sure, that doesn’t mean a damn thing to you, but it does to the staff of Bikernet. Over the last year we’ve had our ups and downs, our agreements and disagreements, our arguments and disruptions. Well, for the first time in history we’re going to afford the public the inner workings of a company. Yes, we will post the awful, boastful, treacherous, threatening inner memos for you to review. You’ll see what an obnoxious bastard Agent Zebra is and how nasty Jon Towle can really be. When the shit flies you’ll read it. Just don’t blame me.
OUR NEMESIS LIFTS IT’S UGLY HEAD–When folks wonder about the future of choppers, thinking of it as a passing fad, I scoff. It will live as long as the internal combustion engine. Ah, but how long will that last?
Here’s a excerpt from a recent issue of Time Magazine, “Auto and oil companies are gearing up for a battle to squelch California’s electric-vehicles mandate just as new York and Massachusetts prepare to enact equally stringent zero-emission rules. But a dirty little secret may emerge this week when scores of EV drivers converge on a public hearing at the California Air Resources Board–namely, that GM, Ford, Honda, Toyota and other companies have worked to undermine the mandate to build tens of thousands of Battery-run vehicles by 2003.”–Marget Hornblower/Los Angeles.It’s coming, brothers. Hold onto your drag pipes.
STURGIS COLLECTOR TRUCK BANKS– We’ve got it all at Bikernet. All the official Sturgis and Daytona Truck Banks are for sale right here in the gift shop.
MIKE LICHTER MOTORCYCLING PHOTOGRAPHY– Mike is one of the most renowned photographers in our industry. Based in Boulder, Colorado, Mike has shot features for thousands of magazine distribute world wide. Soon you will be able to buy prints of his work on Bikernet, but in the meantime enjoy the best motorcycle photography on the web at www.lichterphoto.com.
WE HARDLY CONDONE THE USE OF VULGAR LANGUAGE HERE AT BIKERNET, BUT ONCE IN A WHILE– “What the fuck was that?”–Mayor of Hiroshima
“Where did all these fucking Indians come from?”–General Custer
“Any fucking idiot could understand that.”–Albert Einstein
“It does so fucking look like her!”–Pablo Picasso
“How the fuck did you work that out?”–Pythagoras
“You want WHAT on the fucking ceiling?”–Michaelangelo
“I don’t suppose its gonna fucking rain?”–Joan of Arc
“Scattered fucking showers…my ass.”–Noah
“I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in my head.”–John F. Kennedy
“Who the fuck is going to know? “–Bill Clinton
EXCELSIOR-HENDERSON’S FLAWLESS HOMECOMING 2000 RALLY– The license plates told the story. California, Virginia, Texas, New Mexico, Georgia, Pennsylvania, 22 states in all. Some 135 Super X riders rode their bikes from all over this great land to be a part of the first annual X-Ride and homecoming 2000. Dozens more rode whatever brand they could just to be a part of the historic event. All told, more than 200 Super X fans participated in the grassroots rally, developed entirely by the Pioneer Chapter of the Excelsior-Henderson Riders Club, held in Belle Plaine, MN July 5-9, 2000.
The five-day event began Wednesday evening, July 5 with a welcome party at North Star Power Sports in Albert Lea, MN. Friday held a series of events that included group rides to various scenic and historic locales, factory tours and presentations on the history of the Excelsior-Henderson brand. Saturday was packed with action. Excelsior-Henderson owners could participate in a variety of activities including the national riders club organizational meeting, the Super X tech-talk, bike show and rodeo, factory tours and history presentations. Also they had the opportunity to ride five miles to the childhood farm of co-founders Dave and Dan Hanlon. There the event took on the true grass-roots feeling as X-riders gathered in a large meadow next to the farm’s old machine shed. Fenced in by enormous old oaks and pines, and many miles of dense green corn, the riders enjoyed the barrel-grilled chicken with all the fixin’s and the live band staged on the old hay wagon.
According to American Motorcycle Dealer Magazine Excelsior-Henderson have agreed to a re-structuring plan that should enable the Minnesota based heavyweight cruiser manufacturer to re-enter production later this year. I will be interviewing Dave Hanlon about the future goals of E-H in Sturgis in a couple of weeks for Hot Rod Bikes.
BATTISTINIS ARE BACK– According to American Motorcycle Dealer Magazine, following the closure last year of their Bournemouth, England based distribution business, Battistinis Custom Cycles are back in business, this time with focus on custom design, bike building and their own brand product lines. Escaping to Glasgow, Scotland, Rikki Battistini has re-started the custom bike building business that helped make his name.
Rikki and his gang of renegades are building 20 ground-up hallmark Battistinis customs, but most activity is revolving around a custom conversion service, including a workshop that will take a stock bike and make in into something that will terrify all your neighbors and cause you to lose your job. It’s so damn cold in Glasgow that all these maniacs do is work on bikes. If fact, they don’t care if they ever get outta debt, they just want to wrench to stay warm. Check their new line of products on battistini.com.
SHIT, MAY BE THE MOST POWERFUL WORD IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE–You can be shit faced,
shit out of luck,
or have shit for brains.
With a little effort, you can get your shit together, find a placefor your shit or decide to shit or get off
the pot.
You can smoke shit,
buy shit,
sell shit,
lose shit,
find shit,
forget shit,
and tell others to eat shit and die.
Some people know their shit while others
can’t tell the difference between shit and shineola.Thereare lucky shits,
dumb shits,
crazy shits,
and sweet shits.
There is bullshit,
horse shit and
chicken shit. You canthrow shit,
sling shit,
catch shit,
or duck when shit hits the fan.
You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle.
You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig inshit.
Some days are colder than shit,
some days are hotter than shit,
and some days are just plain shitty.
Some music sounds like shit,
things can look like shit,
and there are times when you feel like shit.
You can have too much shit,
not enough shit,
the right shit,
the wrong shit or
a lot of weird shit. You cancarry shit, have a mountain of shit,
or
find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.
Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit
and other times you swim in a lake of shit and
come out smelling like a rose.
When you stop to consider all the facts,
it’s the basic building block of creation.
And remember, once you know your shit,
you don’t need to know anything else!
You could pass this along if you give a shit.
SAM ORWELL AVAILABLE IN AUGUST–That’s right. My third book Sam “CHOPPER” Orwell will be available in August if I have to rob a bank to do it. It was recently proof read by the dark haired beauty and Train a rider/English expert from Salt Lake who lifts weights like a madman and will meet up with us in Sturgis. With the details polished, the book is off to the printer. If you want one of the first copies send $14 plus $3.00 postage and handling to P.O. Box 1168 San Pedro, CA 90733–1168 or order through Bandit’s Gift Shop. This is the best book of the series, at least she said that just before we made love the other night.
STURGIS NEWS–Hi! Glad to hear the bike is getting closer to being finished. Don’t think I’d stay at the Spearfish, though. From all the stories I hear about price gouging at Sturgis, ANY hotel will be way beyond my budget, which at best can be described as shoestring. If it’s in town that would be good, I could walk to most of the events since as I told you I don’t have a bike or an endorsement for one. I figured I’d try to get a little campsite at Hog Heaven Campground. The price seems reasonable and a mile is better to walk than three like the Buffalo Chip. Think if I tried to hitch a ride back and forth everyday, that anybody would pick up a poser?
I read the article in Easyriders about that asshole Allen from Champion Sports and why they want to charge a 15% licensing fee at the Sturgis Rally. That guy is so full of shit! “A burden on the community”!? Right! For one week a year, for all the money the rally brings in, they can put up with the burden! And they want to trademark Sturgis, the Black Hills and other shit! Come on! If it weren’t for the bikers who started it all, Sturgis would be just another small town in the midwest nobody goes to! Some folks greed has gotten way out of hand, especially the corporate jerks like Allen who probably can’t tell the difference between a Panhead and an Evo! Shut the rally down? Yeah, right. Watch as the bikers go somewhere else next year with all their money and shut down the local economy! Plenty of other towns benefit from the rally and they wouldn’t be too happy if folks went else where, unless of course the rally moved to their town! Mr. Allen, and others, should be tied to a pole and bitch slapped by everyone as they ride home after the rally. –Sun Hi! It’s official. I’M GOING! Sturgis! Sturgis! Though one thing upsets. me. I took a look at the Hog Heaven website today and the damn price went up! It was about 78.50 plus tax last week when I looked which seemed pretty good. Didn’t make a reservation because I wasn’t sure yet I could go. And today I looked and it was 94.50 plus tax! What the hell happened? Can anyone say GREED!? Keep trying to make a reservation by e-mail but the damn thing won’t go through. Must be jammed by who knows how many other people so I can’t get in. Hope I don’t have to look when I get there. What ever, I’ll see you at the Full Throttle, and the beers are on me! –Sun
KING RULES OKLAHOMA CITY HALF MILE– The professional sport of motorcycle dirt-trackracing had been on cruise control for a number of years. Sure, the racingvenues would change every now and then, but, like life in a small town,things pretty much remained the same. Until this year.
The year 2000 seems to have had more of an affect on dirt-track racing thenit did on the computer world. Scott Parker, the sport’s greatest champion,fan favorite, and all-around nice guy, has retired. The AMA Grand NationalChampionship Series is now known as the AMA Progressive Insurance U.S. FlatTack Championships. And a new racing series-the Formula USA/Wrenchead.comNational Dirt Track Series-is underway.
So far Team Harley’s Rich King has found the new series to his liking. Kinghas won two of the three races run in the Formula USA series. His latestvictory came Saturday night on the half mile at Oklahoma State Fair Speedwayin Oklahoma City. King led all 25 laps, but the race was anything but easy. Chris Carrchallenged King early but King held him off-for the time being. Carr, a pitbull of a racer who is relentless in his pursuit of victory, came after Kingonce again in the middle of the race. But in his attempt to pass, Carrcrashed off the track and King remained out front. With King closing in on the victory, Jay Springsteen made a seriouslate-race charge, but King prevailed at the finish line. Springsteen wassecond, and Joe Kopp was third. Springsteen, by the way, has the early leadin the points standings in the 10-race series.
The success King has had in the Formula USA series has not transferred tothe AMA’s U.S. Flat Track series, however. After 8 of 19 scheduled events,King is in ninth place with 54 points. Chris Carr leads the series with 103points. Nonetheless, Carr should watch his back because King is poised for amidseason charge.The next scheduled dirt-track race, an AMA event, is July 22 at Lowe’s MotorSpeedway in Charlotte, N.C.
THE NAME GAME–A contest was contrived to come up with a name for the Bikernet West Sturgis 2000 contestant. Here’s another batch of entrants:
Hey Bandit, How about this for a name for your blue bomb.Blue Bayou. Get it, Blew – By – You. Or, Bad News travels fast.Hideous freak of nature. Good Boy Gone Bad. Mean Spirited. Wayward Son.Bad Attitude. Once I Rose Above The Noise And Confusion. Night Moves.These are also ideas I’m considering for T-shirts. Anyway, I’ll see youin Denver in a couple of weeks. I’ll have my new chopper ready.C-YA, Rick (Dallas Easyriders).
If Jack, weapons and contrabandare your forte, then name it Smuggler’s Blues. I’m sureGlenn Frey would approve.–Don Curran
Hey Bandit, How’s about ” Badlands Blue” or ”Malibu Blue” or ” Blue Threat”or the ” Blue Bandit” or the ever popular ” Big Bad agent Zebra AssKicking Blue Flamed Bitch From Hell”. How about ” West Coast Flame” or”Rigid Blue”. That’s all I could think of.– A loyal reader from South Dakota, Jeff Torevell.
I suggested the name Dream Wave. Ride ’em if you got ’em. –Parts
Hmmm?Your millenium chopper – Nice paint work. Very tasty.As for a name for the scoot “BLUE BALLS” ought to do.What do ya think?See ya in the Black Hills–Anson
Ciuatl, Zapata, the greatest of all bandit’s horses might be an appropriate name for your new bike. Freddie Fug is a third generation motorcycle rider. Enthusiasm for riding runs strong and deep in the Fug family. Freddie’s grandpa was buried on his 1934 Indian Chief, it seemed a shameful waste of a great machine and significantly complicated the funeral arrangements, but that’s what grandpa wanted and the family respected his final request. Freddie’s dad is in his mid seventies and still rides whenever he can get someone to kick start his 1950 Panhead and ride bitch acting as sort of a seeing eye dog, Freddie’s dad’s eyesight ain’t what it used to be. Freddie tried many bikes before he finally settled on his 1988 FXRS, far as he’s concerned there ain’t been and never will be a bike as fine.
The other Fug family tradition was being medical doctors, grandpa, who was known as Doc, had his training paid for in part by the US Army after WorldWar I and started this tradition as well. Doc set up his practice in the little Southern Maryland town of St. Mary’s and other than the time he served his country during WWII pretty much spent his entire life there. Primarily a farming community, Doc didn’t have a lucrative practice and often times was paid in produce or fodder. He made house calls on his Indian and unlike many in his field much preferred treating his patients at their homes, partly just an excuse to ride but also a way of adding a more human element to his work. Doc was loved and respected by all who knew him and even though many of the farm folks thought a motorcycle riding Doctor was a little strange they also realized they were very fortunate that he had settled in their community.
Doc couldn’t afford to send his son Carl to college, so it was the U.S. AirForce that provided his education. After serving in and being trained by the Air Force Carl started his practice in the town of Salisbury,on the eastern shore of Maryland. Carl followed in his father’s footsteps, practicing medicine in a small rural community, making house calls on his motorcycle. By the time Freddie came along the roads in the area had been much improved and visits to grandpa and visa versa were made on a motorcycle with a sidecar. As time went on, most family vacations and outings were motorcycle trips, it was a wonderful life. Freddie’s lot was a bit tougher. As an Air Calvary medic in the war in Southeast Asia he experienced horrors beyond imagination. Returning home his service to his country earned him little but resentment from his peers. Freddie did complete his education and became a doctor like his father and grand father had, but it was a hollow accomplishment, he was haunted by the memories of war and confused by others anger over the war.
He choose to work In ER at Johns Hopkins in Baltimore, patching up the causalities of urban warfare kept him distracted, he wasn’t ready to settle down into a small rural practice. He rode and felt alive, but either end of the ride brought him back to numbness. Freddie would ride down Richie Highway, over the Chesapeake bay bridge and across the flat eastern shore farmland leading to Salisbury. The ride was freedom, when he arrived at his parents house he didn’t know what to say, wasn’t interested in what they had to say and could only think of getting back to Baltimore. The return to his apartment and job was the same, he felt nothing but was anxious about something he could not define. His other favorite ride was south, through Annapolis and into the wooded country roads of southern Maryland. He would ride through Calvert and St. Mary’s counties ending up at Look Out Point where his grandfather often took him as a child. Sitting in that pristine setting he would try to feel something, anything but could not and so rode back to the life that was missing something essential.
Freddie’s life was changed radically and forever one Spring afternoon. He had ridden the three hours from Baltimore to Salisbury and upon walking in the front door of his parents house, his father greeted him, in a serious tone, with “let’s ride”. Carl, with his medical bag strapped onto the fender of his Panhead, roared off down the road with Freddie in desperate pursuit. They rode through town, past the college and off into the farmland. Leaving the main road they took side road after side road until finally they reached a small river. A small barge on the other side of this river moved slowly across to them. Carl pulled onto the barge and gave the old man, who captained this vessel, a dollar, which he reluctantly accepted. Freddie followed, the two were ferried across the water and proceeded as before on the other side. The journey ended at a small cluster of shacks located in the center of corn fields and small vegetable gardens. Carl parked his bike, grabbed his bag and walked into one of the smaller dwellings, Freddie followed. Inside Freddie was immediately overwhelmed with flashbacks from things he had seen in hooches in Southeast Asia. Once the horror subsided he saw his father kneeling next to an emaciated old woman who had the most beautiful smile and sparkling eyes Freddie had ever seen. He watched his father talk in soft tones to this frail lady and could see a bond he never imagined. After some time Carl softly held the old woman’s hand smiled and they said their good byes. Outside, as they were getting back on their bikes Freddie asked his father about what had just transpired. Carl explained that the lady they had just visited was not long for this world and he wanted to see her again before she “crossed the bar”. “Her name is Lily and she worked as a cook in the White House for five American presidents. She could have used her references to run the kitchens of any restaurant in the world, she choose to return to the life and the people who meant most to her, I respect her for that choice above most people I know of.” As Carl applied his weight to the kick starter on the Panhead he looked Freddie straight in the eye and said, “you must make your choice and I pray that it is to ride and help the people who choose life over headlines.”
Freddie has a small practice in Huntingtown, Maryland, he has found himself in his patients that can’t afford medical bills and on the road that leads to happiness rather than glory. –Carlos
Can’t find my dictionary anywhere in this hovel.But isn’t “AZURE” another word for blue?Sound very feminine and sexy.–Anson
I did have one other sinceyou had so much trouble with it. BlueNightmare!!!!!!!!!–Traceman
What in Blue Blazes is the matter with you? Too much JackDaniels, can’t get your head out of her thighs orboth?!?!
That bike screams Blue Blaze. But, if you want to call it a Bomb, then you deserve to let Zebra smoke your sorryass to Sturgis. Now, what’s my prize for picking thewinning name? I don’t want one of those pleather fanny packs,and I don’t need a briefcase, that would mean I would have tocarry stuff like work around in it. How about one hour withyou, in your shack-o-shame. You handcuffed to BlueBlaze. Me witha leather whip? I promise I’ll begentle. Sin Wu has to be there too. We could both kissyour boo boos and rub ointment on you when I’m finished. Thinkabout it, could be fun.–Coral
Hey Bandit, I was thinkin’ (yeah I know) if this things goin’ to be ridden hard and fast as I expect it will, how ’bout callin’ it The Blue Mule. OK so I liberated the name from an old trucker movie from ’70’s, cut me some slack. Ride free. –Chris.
RADIOWOODSTOCK.COM CHOP SHOP-Bikers, Babes, Tattoos-Wednesdays– HEY BABY, WANNA RIDE? STRAP YOURSELF ON TO RADIOWOODSTOCK.COM CHOP SHOPCHOP SHOP, WEDNESDAYS 8PM ET USLIVE WWW.RADIOWOODSTOCK.COM, WOODSTOCK TV CHANNEL
So you’re surfing the net and seeing all kinds of stuff and whamRadioWoodstock.com’s got a screenful of biker babes and a roomful ofscreaming custom bikes. Oouuch. Too hot. It’s English Don’s “Chop Shop.”Smoke your tires, and head on over. Its www.radiowoodstock.com
SIN WU–Mr. Five Ball,Bearings are all sealed! I did put a light coat of greaseon the starter jackshaft (which they also don’t sayanything about). That’s easy though, just two sockethead bolts on the jackshaft cover. I pop it off andthrow a little more grease at it every now and then.
Blue Blaze is a good name. Even though I picked BlewButte as my entry, Azure Fadin? just sticks with me. Sounds like a race horse or something. Azure is ashade of blue about like your new steed by the way.
Man, that first ride is the coolest fucking thing isn’t it!Let me know how she feels!
NO, not Sin Wu, the bike you dumb ass! Of course you can tell me about Sin Wu too! One of my girlfriends calls her pussy “WU”. Sin Pussy…… oh my god!!!! Do you share!–FTW,Stroker
HARLEY-DAVIDSON VR PILOT PICOTTE PLACES TOP TEN AGAIN–Picotte Races to Two Top-Ten Finishes at Mid-Ohio; Russell 11th in SecondRace
Harley-Davidson VR 1000 racer PascalPicotte, continued his consistent performance in the AMA Superbike Serieswith two top-ten finishes at Mid-Ohio in Lexington, Ohio. Picotte finishedwith two ninth-place finishes during the doubleheader weekend. He sits ineighth position overall in the AMA Superbike Championship series, just onepoint out of seventh, with five points separating the seventh through 10thplace riders.”Of course we’re happy with two top tens,” said Picotte, “but we hadmuch higher expectations heading into the weekend.”
During Friday’s provisional qualifying round, both Picotte and teammateScott Russell put their VR 1000s on the front row, posting the third- andfourth-fastest qualifying times respectively in wet-to-drying trackconditions. However, after dry conditions returned during Saturday’s finalqualifying session, both riders lost their provisional starting positions. “The wet conditions actually hurt us, despite our strong qualifyingperformance on Friday, especially since we didn’t get the wet race we werehoping for,” said Steve Scheibe, Harley-Davidson VR 1000 team manager.”Mid-Ohio has a rough surface, and with the rain, we didn’t have enough timeto get things sorted out. We also recognize we’re still short on power. Butwe’re happy we’ve been more consistent.”
Picotte and his VR 1000 have indeed been very consistent, finishingevery race this year on the AMA Superbike circuit. “My crew has done agreat job of getting the VR 1000 ready to perform week in and week out,”said Picotte. “The VR has proven durable, and it’s just a matter of timebefore we’re back up on the podium.”
HEY OZ–The florida helmet thing was resolved because of me, not you or your law-fighting team. It was me and all me. I drew some nasty pictures of the Gov.. some time back and he almost sued ER over it. I had him running with fear that I would draw him again…That, is why the helmet law is gone, not from you and your boys. By the way, I invented air! –Jon Towle
HOLLISTER FOREVER–Have you checked out the new HOLLISTER FOREVER
DA PLEDGE–When you are sad…..I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the scum sucking bastard who made you sad. When you are scared ………..I will laugh at you and tease you about it, every chance I get. When you are worried ………..I will tell you how much worse it could be and to quit yer whining . When you are confused I will use little tiny words to explain it to yer dumb ass. When you are sick ………..I will hold your hair so you don’t drown while you pay homage to the porcelain god. When you fall…….I will point and laugh at your clumsy dumb ass. This is my oath…….. I pledge till the end. Why you ask ……….Because your my brother. –Mobile 2000
A LITTLE INSIGHT ON US, GUYS–Behind every great man is a great woman …and behind every great woman is some guy staring at her ass!
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without a boner, make him a sandwich.
Did you hear that Viagra now comes in a nasal spray? It’s for dickheads!
Why do men always pay more for car insurance? Women don’t get blow jobs while they’re behind the wheel.
MC CLURE RUNS PERSONAL BEST, 6.492, QUALIFIES #1– Jim McClure, Williamsburg, Va. is getting it together. “The bike is running great.” McClure ran his personal best at the Car Quest Empire Nationals IHRA Screamin’ Eagle Nitro Harley competition in Leicester, NY.
McClure’s first pass was nothing to write home about, but round 2McClure ran a 6.588 and his last qualifying pass was good enough to take the #1 Qualifier money from Red Line Synthetic Oil with a personal best at 6.492 ET.
In round one of elimination’s, McClure took out Jack Romine riding the Windy City Nitro entry from Chicago, Il.Despite running very consistently, McClure fell in the semi’s to reigning point’s leader, Jay Turner, Team Bulldog, Richmond, Va. in one of the closest passes of the day. Turner edged McClure on the lights with a .425 over McClure’s .469. Great race, just not Jim’s win today.
July 22-23 ADBA Atlanta, Ga.
July 28 Apehangers Bar & Grill 5:30-8:30 Budds Creek, Md.
July 29-30 AHDRA Budds Creek, Md.
McClure is supported on his national tour by Rivera Engineering, Primo Products, Red Line Synthetic Oil, ACCEL, Hampton Roads H-D, Southside HD, F & S H-D, S & S Cycle, Inc, Performance Machine, Axtell, Autolite & Vanson Leathers– www.jimmcclureracing.com
A FIRST! SMART BLONDE JOKE– A Blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the Blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
An employee drives the Rolls into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the Blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, “We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would bother to borrow $5,000?”
The Blonde replied, “Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for 15 bucks?” –Modest Mike
NEW FIRE PROTECTION SUITS FOR RIDERS AND DRIVERS– Had a most interesting presentation at the USFRA meeting last nightfrom Bill Hanyon of Chapman Thermal Products on the latest fireprotection fiber for driving suits.
I have an extensive background in textiles and clothing so I feel Iam qualified to give the review. CarbonX from Chapman Thermal Products has properties that seemimpossible but it really works. A direct two thousand six hundred degree flamecharred Nomex after twelve seconds but didn’t even affect the hand under theCarbonX until after a minute. Heat transfers through the first layer offabric after that minute … that would give a very long protection time for aracer wearing a best rated, multi layer, quilted construction suit. Thedamage to a persons lungs from the flames and heat could potentially be fargreater than portions of the body exposed to the direct flames but protectedby the CarbonX suit. The fabric is made in black only. It retains all ofit’s heat protection characteristics after washing or dry-cleaning. Itis available in twill, plain weave and knit fabric construction. Thatmeans it could be used for underwear (with excellent moisture wickingproperties) for a balaclava and gloves, for a full ( breathable) driving suitincluding cuffs and neck closure, and even for areas that usually get highabrasion. They even use it in helmets and shoes. > Check CarbonX out at the Chapman web sitewww.chapmanthermalproducts.com … information that could save you lots of grief.– Wes Potter Secretary, USFRA
READER ASKED WHETHER HE SHOULD REPLACE HIS BATTERY YEARLY–They are much improved. I have a three or four-year-old gel battery in my touring chopper. The regulator shorted out, the alternator quit. I had to charge it from dead several times, it sets for months at a time without action and starts right up.I’ve heard good things about the batteries that H-D sells. I think you can be confident that it will last at least two years. Once in a while make sure it’s getting a charge from the regulator and make sure the leads are clean and you should be fine. Do that every six months and you shouldn’t have any problem.Plus Battery Tenders are wonderful way to keep you battery in top shape.–Wrench
ER READER UPSET–What has happened to you guys? You used to be a good magazine but lately it seems to me you all have become one slick, large magazine with lots of ads. Bandit you used to sign your column as Bandit now lately you’ve been closing it as K. Randall Ball. Hell I named my dog after you but now am thinking I made a mistake in doing that. What gives with changing the title to Spider’s column. Hell it was bad enough that you got rid of Mutha but at least your mag was good. Now I feel that you all have become a bunch of RUB’s, well at least there’s still your magazine Biker and Outlaw Biker for my reading pleasure as I’m going to quit reading Easyriders which is too bad because that is the first magazine I started reading. –David (Snake)Ross
David, I’m innocent. I don’t work there anymore–Bandit
VANCIL MAKES RUNNER UP–Doug Vancil, Albuquerque, NM is back on track at Car Quest Empire National’s IHRA Screamin’ Eagle Nitro Harley Series. After “nothing went right” at Cordova, Il. Vancil qualified #7 at Leicester, NY with a 6.746 ET at 203.29 mph.
Vancil took the win in round one over Steve Stordeur, hired gun for Mancuso Harley-Davidson, Houston, Tx. with a 0.495, 6.722 ET at 207.27 mph winning for the Vance & Hines/Drag Specialties bike.
Vancil advanced to the final by defeating Mike Romine, Chromatic Racing, Cleveland, Oh. Winning with a 0.552 6.626 ET at 203.34 mph, Vancil earned lane choice over Jay Turner for the final
But read ’em and weep, Turner 0.434, 6.637 ET at 209.01 mphVancil 0.497, 6.596 ET at 207.08, the final was the best side by side of the meet, Turner took the light and at the big end, Vancil was runner up this week.
**August 4-6 IHRA Stanton, MI
August 7-11 ADBA Sturgis, SD
August 22-26 IHRA Norwalk, OH
The Vancil’s are proudly supported by Vance & Hines, Drag Specialties, Performance Machine, K & N, PJ 1, B & J Transmission, & Axtell.
EDDIE TROTTA’S BREAK-IN RULE–With a bunch of us gathering parts for the ride to Sturgis, I thought Eddie’s Break-in Rule was appropriate. Eddie own Thunder Designs in Ft. Lauderdale Florida. Here goes: Of course reach a serious level of completeness before you venture onto the highway. Make sure you safety check the controls, clutch, brakes and throttles. Run the bike at a fast idle until warm several times. Then, and only after you’ve made the necessary tweaks, take it for a one-mile ride. Bring it back and tweak it somemore. Take it for a 8-mile putt and tweak it again. Now, you’re ready for 50 miles and back for more tweaking, then 200 and you’re golden.
Eddies philosophy is to catch problems before you get out on the road for the long hauls. He wants to correct a component before it’s beat on for 50 miles. Of course, change the oil after 50 and 500 miles. With each interval tighten fasteners. If you follow this rule, when you set out for Sturgis, the bike will be a solid runner for the entire trip.
MOTOR MAGAZINE EDITOR DIES– Dennis Stemp, founder and editor of IronWorks magazine,died early Friday morning, July 7, in Morganton, North Carolina. Stemp, 49,had undergone major surgery for esophageal cancer in January of 1999, butsuffered a relapse earlier this spring that proved fatal.
He is survived by his wife, Marilyn, and his two children, Vincent, 11, andsix-year-old Kenzi Marie.
Ms. Stemp will continue as managing editor of IronWorks, while sport editorDain Gingerelli has assumed the role of editor. Unfinished build projectsare scheduled for completion by various industry veterans.
Stemp began his publishing career by launching Iron Trader News inPittsburgh, PA, which in 1990 evolved into IronWorks and is currently ownedby Hatton-Brown Publishing.
The family requests that in lieu of flowers, donations be made to the GraceEpiscopal Church Endowment, an ongoing effort benefiting the preservationof the 153-year-old stone and wood structure. Donations may be sent to:Grace Church Endowment, 303 S. King St., Morganton, NC, 28655.
RAY PRICE MUSEUM UPDATE–With construction delays, general chaos and race season in full swing, Ray Price has set the date for the Grand Opening Ray Price Harley- Davidson.The entire week of Sept. 15-24th will include exhibitions, demonstrations, and activitiesDedication of Ray Price’s Legends of Harley Drag Racing will be Sept. 24,2 pm (rain date-Sept. 25th)1126 S Saunders St. Raleigh, NC.
We still could use some black and white photo’s from late sixties and 70’s, if you want to mail them, please send them to
Mary Lou Brewton
Rt. 2, Box 80
Hardeeville, SC 29927
TRUTH–SOMETIMES STRANGER THAT FICTION–A man comes into the ER and yells “My wife’s going to have her baby inthe cab!” I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady’s dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there are several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall. “Big breaths,” I instructed. “Yes, they used to be,” remorsed the patient.
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more that five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a “massive internal fart.”
HARLEY-DAVIDSON VR TEAMLEAVES LAGUNA WITH FOCUS ON MID-OHIO–In a short weekend at Laguna Seca, the Harley-DavidsonVR 1000 Superbike Race Team faced an uphill climb, while the entire paddockmourned theloss of a fellow competitor. Jamie Bowman, of the Hooters Suzuki Team, wasmortally injured when he crashed in AMA Superbike practice on Friday. TheVR 1000 team tried to sort out suspension problems during a shorter thannormal practice and qualifying schedule due to the combined AMA and WorldSuperbike races.”We had some new suspension components that took us off track; and becauseof the short weekend, we weren’t able to take advantage of thoseopportunities before qualifying or race time,” said team manager SteveScheibe. “On a normal weekend, those concerns would have been taken care ofin time.”
Scott Russell, who qualified 14th and finished 11th, ran his best lap timesof the weekend during a race-long battle with competition accessories Ducatirider Larry Pegram for 10th. Pascal Picotte also ran his fastest timesduring the race. Picotte, who qualified 15th, ran as high as 9th before thebolt thatheld his toe shifter in place sheared off. Picotte reached down and shiftedthe bike into 2nd by hand, then soldiered on to a 12th place finish.Picotte sits 9th in AMA Superbike points and has finished every race thisseason.
The VR team heads to a double-header race at Mid-Ohio this weekend, a trackwhere both Picotte and the VR have posted strong results in the past.”I’m really looking forward to two chances at Mid-Ohio,” said Picotte.
GUN RIGHTS ALERT– Sorry to flock shoot this way but…. Senate Bill (SB) 2099 isthreatening additional gun rights and ownership. This bill will allowthe IRS to require all gun owners to pay a $50 per gun owned on your IRS1040 form beginning tax year 2000. Please contact your states U.S.Senator to voice your concerns about this bill. To it today! Count yourfire arms and multiply times $50! Scary isn’t it? Each and every year.
Do not presume that I have sent this to everyone you and I know. Presumethat your the only other one who knows and send it to all your friends.–Thanks, Roger’
GOOD SPORTSMANSHIP PART II–A couple of weeks ago I ran a piece on all the bad shit sports figures get into to and the impact on society. This articulate article was written by Land Speed Louise, who is very involved in Bonneville racing. Here is the conclusion to that feature: Things had just about got to the point where I thought allprofessional sports was a load of hooey. Then I met a few land speedracers. Attended time trials at El Mirage and Muroc and met a fewmore. Watched some fine driving, enjoyed some outstanding hospitalityand reveled in the inter-team congeniality. By the time the BonnevilleSpeedweek rolled around, I had hardly noticed that I had become a fanand had found a whole new set of heroes and heroines.
It is marvelous how husbands and wives, sons and daughters, mothersand fathers, uncles and aunts, grandmothers and grandfathers, allcombine to wage war against a timepiece. The whole affair unfolds onone of planet earth’s most majestic natural wonder, a fragile,crystalline surface that has astounding resilient tenacity when itcomes to supporting high-speed time trials.
Land speed racers call themselves amateurs. Ha! Sure. Tell me anotherone. These people are as good as it gets when it comes to exhibitingprofessional competitive deportment. By nothing more than theiractions and genuine humility for a homespun sport, they embody thebest of what the American Spirit ought to represent. Aaron Copeland’s”Fanfare for the Common Man” plays in my head when I think of them. Ifthis is amateur, America needs more of this and the “professional”would do well to be more like the land speed racer.
Nothing made this clearer to me than at the 200MPH banquet, an annualparty where members who have exceeded the namesake speed, gather torecongratulate themselves, induct new members and pay tribute to thegreatest among in the sport.
Started in 1952, with a half-dozen inductees, the membership has grownto over 350, including five women. Once you are in, you are in forlife. To qualify you must set, or establish a new land speed recordabove 200mph. Many people think land speed racing is easy, that notmuch effort is required to nail 200 in a straight line. These peopleare usually the first to lick the hind quarters of defeat.
To celebrate the present and past achievement, the annual banquettakes place during Speedweek in August. Once held in a small room, theparty has expanded to include the entire ballroom where the fastestfolks on earth gather to visit with each other. During the formalportion of the evening, rounds of polite applause sound as the rosteris read.
This where I discovered a new hero. When Al Teague’s name (He is theworld record holder at 409mph, the fastest time for a wheel-drivenautomobile) was mentioned the room was electrified. At that moment,everyone began clapping, beers were abandoned and the entire room ofsome 300 people rose to their feet.
As for the man at whom the honor was directed, geez, he was in anawful state. It was obvious he appreciated the recognition, but he wasobviously uncomfortable being in the limelight. Here was guy who theentire room admired and I resolved to learn why. What I discoveredafter talking to umpteen people was he was the hero of the salt, justa regular who had a dream that he built in his mother’s one-car garageand tinkered with until he got just right. In two years, I have yet tofind anyone who had anything bad to say about the guy.Here, at long last, after a long, weary search, was a true-blueAmerican Hero. People admired him, racers tried to emulate him andfans were in awe of him every time he fired up his midnight bluestreamliner and roared off down the nine-mile course in search ofanother piece of history. As humble as he is fast, this country coulduse a few dozen more like Teague. Oh, and by the way, he doesn’t beathis cheery wife Jane, smoke dope or speed on the street. Maybe that’swhy he isn’t a household name. You think?
PRICELESS CLASSIFIEDS– 1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB — $850/offer
AMANA WASHER $100. OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED.
SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE… ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.
TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, COMES WITH ITS OWN 1988 MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO, EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800
COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED… ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.
FULL SIZED MATTRESS. 20 YR. WARRANTY. LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL.
BACK TO THE GARAGE–I’ve got to get back in the shed and continue my Eddie Trotta Tweaking Process. As the sun beats through the smoldering tar paper garage roof steam rises off the lift and tension is boiling in the drawers of the tool box. Two months have passed and two motorcycles have been constructed and sent forth to pass the ultimate test to find their homes in the Badlands. 
Sin Wu, I call her Sin because of her unsatiatable nature. Her name is actually Cindy, and her legs… Well, she wanders past the shed daily for the beach at the Cabrillo Cove. Last week when she knew I was too busy to spend lunch with her, she showed up with a friend, Coral. Coral sniffed around this place like a lioness checkin’ her territory. Coral has blue eyes like the sea, with golden blond hair that bounces against her shoulders. She’s is voluptuous, like a volcano is hot, yet only slightly over 5 feet tall. Where Sin is quiet and reserved, Coral is bubbly, almost giddy and I could hear her giggling in the headquarters while we wrenched. Wrench and Nuutboy said in unison that hot steamy day, “Don’t you think you better check on them?”I looked at the clock then at the project I was wrenching and said, “They’re just warming up.” I was kidding, but they weren’t. Only 10 days to go, till we ride. –Bandit
