HOW TO SING THE BLUES–So much bad shit has happened this week, we felt it was appropriate to publish the following for all those guys who were arrested this week, lost a girl or got run over. We’ll all meet at the Alhambra Bar in San Pedro next weekend and get shit faced while cutting our first CD.
1. Most blues begin “woke up this morning.”
2. “I got a good woman” is a bad way to begin the blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line. Like:
“I got a good woman — with the meanest dog in town.”
3. Blues are simple. After you have the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes. Like: Got a good woman with the meanest dog in town. He got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and he weighs `bout 500 pounds.
4. Teenagers can’t sing the blues. Adults sing the blues. Blues adulthood means old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
5. You can have the blues in New York City, but not in Brooklyn or Queens. Hard times in Vermont or North Dakota are just a depression. Chicago, St. Louis and Kansas City are still the best places to have the blues.
8. The following colors do not belong in the blues:
a. Violet
b. Beige
c. Mauve
9. You can’t have the blues in an office or a shopping mall.
10. Good places for the blues:
a. The highway
b. The jailhouse
c. The empty bed
Bad places:
a. Ashrams
b. Gallery openings
c. Weekend in the Hamptons
— Bluely,
Southside TZ
CHROME SERVICES– We have an advertiser, Chris Hill, who does several things. Most of them are wrong, but one of his bits is chrome. He handles chrome and polishing for Harley-Davidson and several other manufacturers. He grew up in chrome shops and knows how it should be done, so if you have a large run of parts and you want someone to oversee the finish work, contact Chrome Services. In fact, Chris is watching over the part for John Buttera’s desk project.
Above is another Chris Hill endeavor. He has his own line of handlebars. Check ’em out.
BLUE FLAME FOR SALE–That’s right. One of the few rigids rode to Sturgis this last year is going on the block with less than 3,000 miles on the clock. It was recently featured in Hot Bike. Before Bandit rides it across the country, jump on it. If interested write to: Bandit@bikernet.com.
This is the best handling rigid Bandit has ever had the pleasure to build and ride. You can see the entire build up on the site in the Garage/Tech area or under the Custom Chrome Department.
SPORTS FANS, PAY ATTENTION–Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: “I want all thekids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulateme.’
New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: “Iwant to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.”
And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the ‘Skins say: “I’d run over my own motherto win the Super Bowl,” Matt Millen of the Raiders said, “To win, I’d runover Joe’s mom, too.”
Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann 1996: “Nobody infootball should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like NormanEinstein.”
CALL TO ACTION IN DAYTONA–We’ll be looking for reports from the East Coast as the world launches into another Bike Week in Daytona this weekend. Watch for the Bikernet billboard on Speedway Boulevard and let us know what the hell is happening out there.
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