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A BLONDE ON A HORSE–A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she’s had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and it immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.
In terror, she grabs for the horse’s mane, but cannot seem to get a firmgrip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse’s neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse’s pounding hooves, as her head is struck against the ground over and over.
She starts to lose consciousness, but to her great fortune, Harold, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her, and unplugs the horse just in the nick of time…
–from Bob T.
POLICITAL COMMENT FROM TEXAS–I don’t live in TX, anymore, maybe you don’t either, but you may know someone who does, if so pass this on to them. I have been watching Ron Paul for two years now and find him an honorable man who is willing to stand up for what is right and to tell the truth. Of course ‘they’ will want him out. And his campaign will be tough. Read why.. Kitty
Congressman Too Truthful
by: Congressman Ron Paul – House of Representatives
203 Cannon – Washington D.C. 20515
–from Rev CarlR
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BIKERNET CLEAN JOKE ARCHVES–Every once in a while you hear a good CLEAN joke that you feel obligated to pass along, and this is one of them.
Father O’Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine spring day in his new Washington, DC parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the USSenate for assistance.
The conversation went like this: “Good morning. This is Senator Daschle.How might I help you?”
“And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O’Malley atSt.Brigid’s. There’s a jackass lying dead in me front lawn. Would ye be so kind as to send a couple o’ yer lads to take care of the matter?”
Senator Daschle, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk, “Well now father, it was always my impression that you people took care of last rites!”
There was dead silence on the line for a moment.
Father O’Malley then replied: “Aye, that’s certainly true, but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin.
–from MaryAnn Hart
WELDING ADVICE FROM STRAIGHTPIPEZ–John from StraightPipez here. In regard to your welding situation: First you are using the BEST made machine for welding. Miller is the BEST.
The “silicon” you were told to use is actually called Tip Dip. Available at any welding supply store in a spray can or as a paste.( There are also tools or reamers for cleaning this as well. There is also a 10 in 1 pair of pliers that’ll do the trick. When you do use the spray, try not to cover the actual weld area, just the surrounding area. The spray is made to keep the spatter from sticking, but won’t entirely hinder a weld. I sold Millers and other welding supplies for 12 grueling years! If you have any questions, don’t hesitate. –John BIKERNET RELATIONSHIP COUNSELING–Andy Rooney and ROGUE says, “As I grow in age, I value women who are over40 most ofall. Here are just a few reasons why: An older woman will never wake you inthe middle of the night to ask, “Whatare you thinking?” She doesn’t care what you think. If an older womandoesn’t want to watch the game, she doesn’t sit around whining about it.She does something she wants to do. And it’s usually something moreinteresting. An older woman knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, whatshe is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 40 give adamn what you might think about her or what she’s doing. An older womanusually has had her fill of “meaningful relationships” and “commitment.”The last thing she wants in her life is another dopey, clingy, whinydependent lover. Older women are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with You atthe opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if youdeserve it, they won’t hesitate to shoot you if they think they can getaway with it. Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it’slike to be unappreciated. An older woman has the self-assurance tointroduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will oftenignore even her best friend because she doesn’t trust the guy with otherwomen. An older woman couldn’t care less if you’re attracted to her friendsbecause she knows her friends won’t betray her. Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to anolder woman. They always know. An older woman looks good wearing bright redlipstick. This is not true of younger women or drag queens. Once you getpast a wrinkle or two, an older woman is far sexier than her youngercounterpart. Her libido’s stronger, her fear of pregnancy gone. Herexperience of lovemaking is honed and reciprocal. She’s lived longenough to know how to please a man in ways her younger cousin could neverdream of. –from Rogue BIKERNET OOPS OF THE WEEK– –from Rigid frame Richard AVOIDING THEFT FROM BIKERNET– Just heard this on the news here locally. Apparently car thieves have yet again found a way around the system and steal your car or truck without any effort at all. The car thieves peer through the windshield of your car or truck, write down the VIN number from the label on the dash, go into the local dealership for that car brand and request a duplicate key for it from the VIN number. Car dealerships make up a duplicate key from the VIN number, collects payment from the ‘customer’ who’s really a would-be car thief for making up the duplicate key. The car thief returns to your car. They don’t have to break in, don’t have to damage the vehicle or draw no attention to themselves. They insert the key and off they go to their chop shop with your vehicle. Can you believe it? To avoid this from happening to you, simply put opaque tape (like a strip of electrical tape, duct tape or medical tape) acrossthe VIN label located on the dash board. You can’t remove the VIN number legally under most state laws, so cover it so that it can’t be viewed through the windshield by a car thief. –from Chris T. BIKERNET DENTAL REFERAL– A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that theydecideto go to the girl’s place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirtand then washes his hands. He then takes off his pants and washes his hands. The girl watches him and says, “You must be a dentist.” The guy,surprised, says “Yes … how did you figure that out?” The girl says,”Easy… you keep washing your hands.” One thing led to another andtheymake love. After they were done, the girl says, “You must be a greatdentist.” The guy, now with a boosted ego, says, “Yes, I sure am a greatdentist… How did you figure that out?” The girl says, “Easy… Ididn’t feel a thing!” –from Bob T. SCREAMIN? EAGLE TEAM PRIMED FOR GAINESVILLE NHRA PRO STOCK OPENER–MILWAUKEE, WIS. – (March 13, 2002) The Screamin? Eagle/Vance & Hines National Hot Rod Association (NHRA) Pro Stock Bike drag racing team spent the off-season working hard on a development program which returned strong initial test results. Those results have given the team the confidence to field a second bike and rider in 2003, effectively doubling the team?s track and testing time. Andrew Hines will join G. T. Tonglet aboard Screamin? Eagle/Vance & Hines Pro Stock V-Rod motorcycles. Both riders are 19 years old, with career top speeds over 190 miles per hour. Tonglet already has an NHRA Pro Stock Bike career win to his credit. Beginning immediately after the final NHRA round of 2002, the team conducted wind tunnel aerodynamic testing and developed several iterations of new engine parts and calibrations, which resulted in substantial performance improvements in testing, according to the team. ?Immediately after the Pomona round, we began a very aggressive round-the-clock testing and development program aimed at getting us ready to achieve our goals of qualifying and becoming competitive. We?ve seen some good results in testing and we think G.T. and Andrew are the right guys to help bring us to the next level,? said Mike Kennedy, director of marketing Harley-Davidson Parts and Accessories. ?We?re also excited to bring aboard two additional sponsors for 2003 in Dunlop and S100. We think this will be another season of great strides for us and look forward to the Gainesville opener.? THE POND–An old farmer had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pondin the back, fixed up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe, basketball court, etc.The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t beenthere for a while, and look it over. As he neared the pond, he heard voicesshouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch ofyoung women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end ofthe pond. One of the women shouted to him, “We’re not coming out until youleave!” The old man replied, “I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim ormake you get out of the pond naked. I only came to feed the alligator.” Moral: Old age and treachery will triumph over youth and skill. –from Redhorse
[mailto:john@straightpipez.com]
IT’S HAPPY HOUR–As I close the door on the shed for the night, I look back at the week and wonder. I look forward to the next week with broad expectations. I’m beginning to focus on publishing my next book. I need to find time everyday to read and think about the completion of the first book in a series about a rider named Chance Hogan. I plan to write a series about this biker who roams from town to town trying to find his way. You can read rough chapters of the first book in HORSE and in the Bikernet Cantina.
We’re a lucky bunch to live a life of screwin’ with bikes and chasing women. We travel once in a while, like Tahiti, work out on a regular basis and write from dawn to dusk. Life couldn’t be much better.
What are you going to do this summer? Laughlin, Sturgis or Milwaukee or both? I think I’ll pour a Jack and ponder Chance Hogan’s future.
Ride Forever–Bandit
