BLUE FLAME FOR SALE–I hate to sell any motorcycle, but I’ve been informed that the time to sell is while it’s fresh. If it’s not gone before Laughlin, it will haul my ass through the desert to the island of neon along the Colorado River. The price is $34,500, cheaper than a lot of clones, and packed with class and reliability. Write my sad-to-see-it-go self at Bandit@bikernet.com.
CHOPPER ORWELL FOR REAL, TAKE TWO–
United States Patent 5,878,155
Heeter March 2, 1999
Method for verifying human identity during electronic sale transactions:A method is presented for facilitating sales transactions by electronicmedia. A bar code or a design is tattooed on an individual. Before the salestransaction can be consummated, the tattoo is scanned with a scanner.Characteristics about the scanned tattoo are compared to characteristicsabout other tattoos stored on a computer database in order to verify theidentity of the buyer. Once verified, the seller may be authorized to debitthe buyer’s electronic bank account in order to consummate the transaction.The seller’s electronic bank account may be similarly updated.
Inventors: Heeter; Thomas W. (55 Lyerly, Houston, Texas 77022)
Appl. No.: 709471
Filed: Sept. 5, 1996
–Ryder Sgt. Rodney
OLDIE BUT GOODIE!–A few minutes before the Sunday services started, the townspeople were sitting intheir pews and talking.
Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God’s ultimate enemy was in his presence.So Satan walked up to the old man and said, “Don’t you know who I am?”
The man replied, “Yep, sure do.”
“Aren’t you afraid of me?” Satan asked.
“Nope, sure ain’t,” said the man.
“Don’t you realize I can kill you with a word?” asked Satan.
“Don’t doubt it for a minute,” returned the old man in an even tone.
“Did you know that I could cause you profound, horrifying, physical AGONYfor all eternity?” persisted Satan.
“Yep,” was the calm reply.
“And you’re still not afraid?” asked Satan.
“Nope.”
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, “Well, why aren’t you afraid ofme?”
The man calmly replied, “Been married to your sister for over 48 years.”
–Harleywrench
CHROME SPECIALTIES CATALOG ON LINE–I know that when you need to check on parts, you either need the catalog in your mits or you need to be able to reach the catalog online. For years I’ve been promoting the CCI catalog only to discover that they don’t have it online. There is a company, a Bikernet sponsor, that has its entire catalog online, and that’s Chrome Specialties.We’ve even volunteered to assist CCI in launching their catalog. As soon as they have that monster online, we’ll be the first to let you know.
AN OLD MAN– An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young man walked upto the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair all different colors -green, red, orange, blue, and yellow. The old man just stared. The young man said, “What’s the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?”
The old man replied, “Got drunk once and had sex with a parrot.I was just wondering if you were my son.”
ZEBRA NEWS FLASH– Special Agent Zebra heads to Ecuador, project unknown.
With little warning, at 0100 hours Pacific time, Special Agent Zebra announced plans to travel to Bogota, Colombia, continuing on to the FARC guerilla-controlled jungles of Ecuador, north of the city of Quito. It is widely known that these jungles are under close scrutiny by the United States government due to the high rate of kidnapping/ransom abductions by FARC guerillas, as seen in the recently released Russell Crowe movie,”Proof of Life”.
Bikernet.com was put on a strict “need to know” basis, but inside sources have revealed that the Zebra was in close contact with several “members of state” reputed to be on the Ecuador/Colombian border and working on the recent FARC kidnapping of eight oil workers, one of whom was later murdered. Bikernet.com has also discovered that the Zebra has recently been in close communique with retired SpecWarfare experts in the Southern California region.
It is not known what role Special Agent Zebra will play in this situation or why he is said to have secured “temporary weapons permits” from the Ecuadoran military leaders. He is known to be traveling with one Ian Truitner, retired U.S. Army.
— Big Lucy, reporting from Los Angeles
CHROME SERVICES DELIVERS–A subsideriary of Hill Products and Web Harley performs chrome brokering for the motorcycle industry, including Harley-Davidson. However, Chris Hill, president, stated recently, “Chroming for the individual is a mainstay of Chrome Services. We understand the business, the chroming process and have relationships will all the finest chrome facilities in the Southland. We can and will get the job done, monitor the quality and deliver the completed job to the customer, so they don’t have to fuck with it.”
Chroming is a hassle to builders all over the world. It’s good to know that there is someone out there who will take the same pride in your chrome as do.
LITTLE JOHNNY–Little Johnny was sitting in the courtyard turning a bottle of liquid back and forth, watching the bubbles. A priest walked up and asked him whathe was doing.
Little Johnny replied, “I’m looking at the most powerful liquid in the world.”
The priest said, “But Johnny, Holy Water is the most powerful liquid in the world. Did you know that if you put Holy Water on a pregnant woman’s belly, she will pass a boy.”
Little Johnny said, “Big deal! This is turpentine. If you put this on a cat’s ass, he’ll passa Harley-Davidson!”
QUANTUM REPORT–Got back from Daytona and there was a letter from the bankruptcy courtinforming me that American Quantum Cycles Inc. has changed its address fromWashburn Road to American Quantum Cycles Inc., C/O Richard Block, 91 E.Dartmouth Ave., Englewood, Colo. 80110.
I do not know what this means or what effect if any it has to the priormonies owed to past employees. Keep it for now and will try to find out more.–Rogue
A HEARTY THANKS–To the owner, Kevin Ruic, of the Motorcycle Demolition Derby for posting our name, Bikernet.com, on all of his billboards in Daytona last week.
Kevin almost lost his business to Easyriders, but managed to hold on to it and is kicking off a new series of demolition derbies around the country. Watch for them.
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