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BANDIT’S CANTINA ORDERING GLITCH SOLVED–As a demonstration of the professionalism of Bikernet, here’s an actual complaint scenario recieved moments after the Cantina was opened:
“Hey, what about us poor, bankrupt mf’ers who don’t have a credit card tojoin the Cantina club? I really want in. Can’t you set up a form to send amoney order?”
Fuck man, I’ll fix it. I swear. I really fucked up bad, here. Do me a favor bro, don’t tell Bandit. I’ll post a form so you can drop a check in the mail. Hey, I’m all over it. I swear. Just please don’t tell the big bastard. He’ll kill me. Promise me man. It’ll be done in minutes.
Praying for a reprieve,
Digital Ganster
Thanks Digital, my check is in the mail! Ha! Ha!Bandit has the BEST site on the net and I bet the Cantina iseven better.That’s enough ass-kissing for this week.I appreciate your prompt action on this matter.
–J.H.
A HELPING HAND–One day, farmer Williams was in town picking up supplies for hisfarm. He stopped by the hardware store and picked up a bucket and ananvil. Then he stopped by the livestock dealer to buy a couple ofchickens and a goose.However, he now had a problem, how to carry all of his purchaseshome.
The livestock dealer said: “Why don’t you put the anvil in thebucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each armand carry the goose in your other hand?”
“Hey, thanks!” the farmer said, and off he went.While walking he met a little old lady who told him she was lost.
Sheasked: “Can you tell me how to get to 123 Township Road?”
The farmer said: “Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 132 TownshipRoad. Let’s take my short cut and go down this alley. We’ll be therein no time”
The little old lady said: “How do I know that when we get in thealley you won’t hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt andravish me?”
The farmer said: “Holy smokes lady, I am carrying a bucket, an anvil,two chickens and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold youup against the wall and do that?”
The lady said: “Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, putthe anvil on top of the bucket, and I can hold the chickens.”
–WHO
NEW FROM CRIME INC.–We must apologize for the models. Make sure you check out the new stuff from Crime Inc. in the Bikernet Gulch. The shots are entertaining, and here in the Pedro Ghetto it’s easy to pick up a couple of winos for models. Five bucks and a new T-shirt and they thought is was Christmas all over again. Tough to get ’em to stand still for very long.
THE AIM/NCOM MOTORCYCLE E-NEWS SERVICE is brought to you by Aid to InjuredMotorcyclists (AIM) and the National Coalition of Motorcyclists (NCOM),and is sponsored by the law offices of Richard M. Lester. For moreinformation, call us at (800) ON-A-BIKE. Visit us on our Web site at <
“BEST BIKE WEEK EVER!” Despite the gloom and doom predictions of themedical and insurance industries, and some politicians hoping for anyjustification to reinstate Florida’s recently repealed helmet law, thisyear’s Bike Week resulted in only six official traffic fatalities, almost athird of last year’s record number of 15 traffic deaths.”Authorities had worried that this Bike Week would be deadlier thanusual because it’s the first one since Florida repealed its helmet law,”noted the St. Petersburg Times.Two of the six fatalities were pedestrians — one was a drunk homelessperson struck by a motorcycle when he staggered into the street.
An estimated 500,000 bikers poured into the Daytona, Fla., area for the64th Annual Bike Week, and many of them took advantage of Florida’s newly wonright to decide on helmet use.ABATE of Florida Inc. succeeded in modifying the 31-year old mandatoryhelmet law to allow freedom of choice for riders 21 and older who can showproof of medical insurance coverage. The law became effective July 1,making Florida the fifth state in five years to repeal a helmet law.
MASSACHUSETTS BILL WOULD REQUIRE EVERYONE TO WEAR A HELMET. As reportedhere last month, the Commonwealth of Massachusetts has a bill introduced torequire the use of protective headgear for drivers and passengers of allmotor vehicles. Motorcyclists’ rights activists are pushing H1263 to drawattention to the Commonwealth’s current mandatory motorcycle helmet law, andthey want legislators to be aware of the fact that over 90 percent of allautomobile crashes result in a head injury, and that the state could saveuntold millions of dollars in public burden by requiring all vehicleoccupants to wear a DOT-approved helmet.
OREGON UPDATE. “Our Oregon helmet bill I believe is about to pass ourHouse,” reports Oregon AIM Attorney Sam Hochberg, “but we’re holding it incommittee in the Senate until we’re sure we have the votes. Problem is, thesame governor who vetoed it in the last two sessions has come out and said hewould veto it again.
“So,” says Sam, “BikePAC is really focusing more on other bills:One would allow lane-splitting, another would allow motorcyclists to filltheir own gas tanks, which we USUALLY do now anyway, in spite of our law thatsays NO self-serve. We’re one of two states — the other is New Jersey –that forbid self-serve.”
ILLINOIS CONSIDERS HELMET LAW Although no state has enacted a motorcyclehelmet law since Maryland in 1992, Illinois lawmakers are considering a billto require riders under the age of 18 to wear a helmet. Illinois is one ofonly three states that have no helmet law covering younger riders. Coloradoand Iowa are the other two that have no helmet law on the books.
Two Chicago area legislators are reportedly pushing the helmet law inretaliation for ABATE of Illinois heading off a City Council attempt to banmotorcycles on certain Chicago streets, primarily Lake Shore Drive.Rep. Julie Hamos (D-Chicago) introduced HB3084, which passed 7-0 incommittee and will now go to the House Floor. Sen. Donne Trotter(D-Chicago) is carrying a similar bill in the state Senate.”Don’t expect this to go anywhere, though,” predicted Rich Miller inthe political insider publication “Capitol Fax” on March 5.
NEW MEXICO REPEALS HANDLEBAR HEIGHT LAW Gov. Gary Johnson signed abill into law on March 12 that repeals sections of the vehicle code thatrestrict the height of motorcycle handlebars, making New Mexico the fifthstate to repeal or amend its handlebar height law. The other four statesare Iowa, Arizona, Oregon and Washington. The repeal becomes effective July1.
Most states enacted handlebar height laws in the ’60s to give lawenforcement officers justification to stop and harass bikers because of thehigh handlebars on their choppers. Rep. Rick Miera, a long time rider and member of the NationalCoalition of Motorcyclists’ Legislative Task Force, introduced and carriedthe bill. Miera also introduced a bill to allow special motorcycle licenseplates for veterans and disabled veterans, which he said he expects to pass,and a biker anti-discrimination bill that is still being heard.
DISC JOCKEYS SUSPENDED FOR ENDANGERING BIKERS “A pair of San Joseafternoon radio deejays who said on the air that motorists should open cardoors or run over motorcyclists and bicyclists were suspended from KSJO-FM,”reported the San Jose Mercury News on Feb. 21.Kramer and Twitch were the subject of several angry complaints frombicycle and motorcycle organizations, including the National Coalition of Motorcyclists.
SENATOR BEN CAMPBELL TO TAKE HILLARY CLINTON ON A HARLEY RIDE Just whenshe may need it most, Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton could get a new image:biker babe.It’s all thanks to U.S. Sen. Ben Nighthorse Campbell (R-Colo.), America’sNo. 1 motorcycle advocate. Campbell recently told of his plans to transformthe former first lady into a biker.
EASY BITER By devising “The Easy Biter,” an invention thatincorporates a set of motorcycle handlebar grips that make revving soundswhile corn lovers nibble on their ears more easily, young Nicholas Kretschmerof Hales Corner, Wis., was crowned the winner of the National Veggie EatingInvention Contest held at the U.S. Patent and Trademark Museum last year.
NOW BOARDING Explaining luggage regulations to passengers can beaggravating for flight attendants. One day a woman tried to board with anenormous bag. The lead flight attendant told her why it would not fit, butthe woman argued that her bag was a “carry-on” because it had wheels and ahandle. Without blinking, the attendant said, “My Honda has wheels and ahandle, but that doesn’t make it a carry-on.”READERS DIGEST, Contributed by Analyse DavisTHOUGHT FOR THE DAY: “A plan to save humanity is almost always a falsefront for the urge to rule.” H. L. Mencken
–Bill Bish, NCOM
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