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BIKERNET MEDICAL ADVICE– A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked, “Is my time up?”
God said, “No, you have another 43 years, two months and eight days to live.”
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction and tummy tuck. Since she had so much more time to live,she figured she might as well look even nicer.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, “I thought you said I hadanother 40 years? Why didn’t you pull me out of the path of that ambulance?”
God replied, “Girl, I didn’t recognize you.”
HARLEY SITE AVAILABLE–Our last offer to acquire HarleyMall.com (
–“Michael Goupil”
mgoupil@empiresolutions.com
EXPOSURE–A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her rightbreast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, “Ma’am, areyou aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?”
She says, “Why, officer?”
“Because your breast is hanging out.” he says.
She looks down and says, “OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the busagain!”
EXCLUSIVE–NEW KALLAS ART–Kicking around ideas for new painting.Check attached. My latest painting is finished.It might beavailable soon as a print, if there’s interest, and I’m alwaysavailable to do portraits of bikes.
–Hang tough, CK
CGKNAK@aol.com
Chris’s prints are very reasonable. We sell them in the Gulch, http://www.bikernet.com/catalog/onlinecatalog.asp?Category=Art+Prints. So, let him know if you would be interested in this new piece. I am.
WAR CRIES FROM CHARLIE DANIEL’S–Charlie Daniel’s Letter to the Hollywood Bunch:Ok, let’s just say for a moment you bunch of pampered, overpaid, unrealistic limousine liberals had your way and the U.S.A. didn’t go into Iraq.
Let’s say that you really get your way and we destroy all our nuclear weapons and stick daisies in our gun barrels and sit around with some white wine and cheese and pat ourselves on the back, so proud of what we’ve done for world peace.
Let’s say that we cut the military budget to just enough to keep the National Guard on hand to help out with floods and fires.
Let’s say that we close down our military bases all over the world and bring the troops home, increase our foreign aid and drop all the trade sanctions against everybody.
I suppose that in your fantasy world this would create a utopian world where everybody would live in peace. After all, the great monster, the United States of America, the cause of all the world’s trouble would have disbanded it’s horrible military and certainly all the other countries of the world would follow suit. After all, they only arm themselves to defend their countries from the mean old U.S.A.
Why you bunch of pitiful, hypocritical, idiotic, spoiled mugwumps. get your head out of the sand and smell the Trade Towers burning. Do you think that a trip to Iraq by Sean Penn did anything but encourage a wanton murderer to think that the people of the U.S.A. didn’t have the nerve or the guts to fight him?
Barbra Streisand’s fanatical and hateful rankings about George Bush makes about as much sense as Michael Jackson hanging a baby over a railing.
You people need to get out of Hollywood once in a while and get out into the real world. You’d be surprised at the hostility you would find out here. Stop in at a truck stop and tell an overworked, long distance truck driver that you don’t think Saddam Hussein is doing anything wrong. Tell a farmer with a couple of sons in the military that you think the United States has no right to defend itself. Go down to Baxley, Georgia and hold an anti-war rally and see what the folks down there think about you. Please visit Clarksville, Tennessee and the 101st Airborne and talk that SHIT, please visit those Real American’s.
What do you think? Boycott any Hollywood type that protest against the USA.
God Bless America
Charlie Daniels
HELLS ANGEL RUSTY’S BIKE FOR SALE– I have a bike 4-sale (pictures attached) It was featured in the Street Chopper mag, Aug 2002 issue, page 14. It normally retails for 30K, but I will take $25,000. This HellRazor is cool. If you’re interested check the Illusion Cycles site for all the specs: http://www.geocities.com/rustys_forum/Illusion.html
BIKERNET BARBER SHOP ADVICE– Entering a barber shop for a shave, a man mentions to the barber that he has had some problems getting a close shave on his cheeks. “I have just the thing,” the barber told him. He fished around in a nearby drawer and handed the man a small wooden ball. “Just place this between your cheek and gum.”
The man put the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeded to give him the closest shave he had ever received. Halfway through the experience, the man grunted to the barber, “But what if I swallow the ball?”
“Don’t worry about it,” the barber replied. “Just bring it back to me tomorrow like everyone else does.”
–from Ken Miller
DAYTONA BIKERNET STYLE–Check the home page. We are running news on Daytona Bike Week almost daily. We have several correspondents in Daytona: Rogue, Katmandu, Jose and Frank Kaisler will be roaming the streets.
Check it out for all the latest weather and wrestling reports. If you see Rogue or Jose ask to have your picture taken for Bikernet.
WE ARE NOT THE TALIBAN– As we all know, the Taliban considers it a sin for a man to see a naked woman who is not his wife.
So, this Saturday at 2:00 PM (ET) all American women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists. Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort. All men are to position themselves in Yard chairs in front of their house to prove they are not Taliban, demonstrate that they think it’s okay to see nude women other than their wife and to show support for all American women. And since the Taliban also does not approve of alcohol, a cold six-pack at your side is further proof of your anti-Taliban sentiment. The American Government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist activity.
God Bless America!
–from Chris T.
HARLEY-DAVIDSON 100TH RIDE HOME INFO–Nothing says excitement like the sweet rumblings of Harley-Davidson? motorcycles riding across the United States on their way to Milwaukee. Following the global Open Road Tour festivals, Harley-Davidson will launch the Ride Home, allowing riders from around the world to travel one of four routes across the United States:
Northwest
Southwest
South Central
Northeast
All four rides culminate in Milwaukee on August 27, 2003, for the 100th Anniversary Celebration events.
Rides are unguided so riders may go at their own pace, but there will be scheduled events at specified locations along the routes where enthusiasts can enjoy Harley-Davidson camaraderie.
No Harley-Davidson event would be complete without great keepsakes to go with it. The Ride Home is no exception. A special Ride Home Commemorative Kit will be available for purchase at participating Harley-Davidson dealerships in May, 2003 and will include a number of one-of-a-kind items: pin, T-shirt, reflective patch and embossed leather trinket box (individual items will not be sold separately). Each kit will cost $100, and participation in the Ride Home is not necessary to purchase one.
A portion of the kit sales will be donated to the Muscular Dystrophy Association (MDA). Harley-Davidson?s goal is to raise $5 million through 100th Anniversary activities.
All dates, locations, times and activities are subject to change. Check back here often for the latest information.
POUR THE JACK–Sin Wu slipped into the headquarters on her way to an afternoon class. She pulled me away from my computer as the UPS gal arrived with the powder coating for the King. A reader recently told me (I recently had hernia surgery), that if I even considered sex or lifting something, to forget it.
I had the UPS gal set the 4-foot tall box inside the door and slipped into the bedroom with Sin.
It’s gonna be a helluva weekend.
Ride Forever–Bandit
