Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like bananas
ByNuttBoy
I like working with my hands. I?m not an ?old school? biker. I?m not much of a bike rider. Building a new bike is the kind of challenge I like. My father, a tool and die maker and machinist, showed me how to use tools. What he taught me was how to solve mechanical challenges. The most important thing he taught me was to apply the rigor of precision relative to the demands of the task. Aerospace demands a tolerance beginning at .001, car engines are built to .001. Motorcycles are a bit different.
My motorcycle mentor, Bandit, introduced me to the creative challenge of building bikes. As we were busy crafting a pile of metallic crap into a sculptural beauty, I was on one side of the bike frame cussing and fussing about the crudeness of the thread cut on a couple of chrome 16-20 bolts. Suddenly Bandit?s rangy, 6-foot-2-inch, scowling countenance loomed over the other side of the rusty, raw rigid frame. ?God damn it,? one of his furrowed brows arched, the other eye squinting like Wallace Berry as Long John Silver. ?The main thing you gotta remember about buildin? bikes is ya gotta have fun. Oh, and ya gotta make sure you don?t get too much Lok-Tite on yer nuts.?
Well, I?d say that was pretty good advice for everyone. Too often I encounter hard heads and nitwits who have this rigid view of bikes and bikers. What a bunch of hemorrhoids. These old poops want time to stop, they want nothing to change, while they drop trou?, pissing and moaning about the lack of respect they feel is due them. For all their chest thumping bravado, time flies like an arrow.
Change will happen, for better or worse, as sure as the ebbing of the tide. Yesterday?s badass wanna be, is today?s crusty old fart, cussing and moaning about crappy thread cut in a drafty old garage. That and having a friend who reminds you, none too gently, that the point of it all is to live life to fullest, ride with heart and enjoy the pleasures of a good woman.Now, as concerns Bolivia?s projected banana production, fiscal year 2003-2004?Here?s the news?
Helen Wolfe
Passes Away
Karl ?Big Daddy Rat? Smith has died. He was 74 years young and is known for his famous bike show promotions held in Daytona Beach, Fla., during Bike Week and Biketoberfest. He also put on bike shows in Germany, Sweden, Holland and Sturgis, S.D.
He had a massive heart attack March 4, 2002, while at his daughter?s house in Daytona Beach.
His Rat?s Hole T-Shirt and Gift Shop on Main Street is open and The Big Daddy Rat?s Motorcycle Show will go on as planned on at 10 a.m. Saturday at the Ocean Center, 101 N. Atlantic Ave. Smith’s son, Karl Jr., will run it.
Karl was going to receive an award at the show for his lifetime efforts to promote Bike Week activities in Daytona Beach. The ceremony will be turned into a memorial. No time has been set for it as yet.
My how priorities change!—-
ONE DAY AN ELDERLY GENTLEMAN WHO LOVED TO FISH WAS SITTINGIN HIS BOAT WHEN HE HEARD A VOICE SAY,”EXCUSE ME, SIR! WOULD YOU PICK ME UP, PLEASE?”
HE LOOKED AROUND AND COULDN’T SEE ANY ONE. HE THOUGHT HE WAS DREAMINGWHENHE HEARD THE VOICE AGAIN,”EXCUSE ME, SIR!! WOULD YOU PLEASE PICK ME UP?!”
HE LOOKED IN THE WATER AND THERE FLOATING ON A LILY PAD WAS A FROG.THE GENTLEMAN SAID “ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?”
THE FROG SAID, “YES, I’M TALKING TO YOU! PICK ME UP AND KISS ME.I’ll TURN INTO THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN YOUHAVE EVER SEEN AND WILL SATISFY YOUR EVERY DESIRE! IT WILL BE EVERYTHING YOUHAVE EVER DREAMED OF!
THE GENTLEMAN LOOKED AT THE FROG FOR A SHORT TIME, AND THEN REACHED OVERAND
PICKED IT UP CAREFULLY, PLACING IT IN HIS FRONT BREAST POCKET ANDBUTTONINGIT TIGHTLY.
THE FROG SAID, “WHAT!?! ARE YOU NUTS!?! DIDN’T YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID? ISAIDKISS ME AND I WILL GIVE YOU SUCH PLEASURES AS YOU HAVE NEVER HAD.”
HE OPENED HIS POCKET, LOOKED AT THE FROG AND SAID,
“AT MY AGE I’D RATHER HAVE A TALKING FROG.”
Tattoo Of The Week
How to use a condom after 50—
Why Condoms Come in Boxes of 3, 6 or 12—-
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year-old son. They happen to walk by the condom display and the boy asks, “What are these, Dad?” To which the man matter-of-factly replies, “Those are called condoms, son … Men use them to have safe sex.”
“Oh I see,” replied the boy pensively. “Yes, I’ve heard of that in health class at school.” He looks over the display and picks up a package of three and asks, “Why are there three in this package?”
The dad replies, “Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday and one for Sunday.”
“Cool!” says the boy. He notices a six pack and asks, “Then who are these for?”
“Those are for college men.” the dad answers, “TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday and TWO for Sunday.”
“WOW!” exclaimed the boy, “then who uses THESE?” he asks, picking up a 12 pack.
With a sigh, the dad replied, “Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March……..”
Dentist—-
George W. Bush and Tony Blair are at a White House dinner.
One of the guests walks over to them and asks what they’re discussing.
“We are making up the plans for World War III,” says Bush.
“Wow,” says the guest. “And what are the plans?”
“We’re gonna kill 14 million Muslims and one dentist,” answers Bush.
The guest looks to be a bit confused.
“One…dentist?” He says. “Why will you kill one dentist?”
Blair pats Bush on the shoulder and says, “What did I tell you?
Nobody is gonna ask about the Muslims.”
THE SILENT TREATMENT—-
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week, the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5 a.m. for an early- morning business flight to Chicago.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (AND LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 5 a.m.
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9 a.m. and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t awakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, “It is 5 a.m. Wake up.”
MEN JUST AREN’T EQUIPPED FOR THESE SORT OF CONTESTS
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