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Jewish woman—-
An elderly Jewish woman decided to have her portrait painted.She told the the artist, “Paint me with diamond earrings, adiamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach and a Rolex.”
“But you are not wearing any of those things.”
“I know,” she said. “It’s in case I should die before myhusband. I’m sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife togo crazy looking for the jewelry.”
Erik Buell Inducted into National Motorcycle Museum Hall of Fame
MILWAUKEE, Wis. – (March 6, 2002) Erik Buell, chairman and chief technical officer of Buell Motorcycle Co., was inducted into the National Motorcycle Museum Hall of Fame during Daytona Bike Week. Recognized as a leader in the industry, Buell joins other legends such as Willie G. Davidson, Jim Davis and Joe Parkhurst, all previous inductees into the Hall of Fame.
As America?s premier designer of sportbikes, Buell has had a long history of developing motorcycles that fuel the passion and stir the soul. He began his career designing motorcycles while attending the University of Pittsburgh and working his way through school as a mechanic and custom bike builder. Fueling his passion even further, Buell started road racing in 1973 and was up to professional status within a few years.
By 1984, Buell was building Formula One class racers at his home in rural Wisconsin. Just as Buell was beginning to make a name for himself, the American Motorcyclist Association eliminated Formula One racing and the market for his motorcycles. After six more years working as an independent manufacturer, Buell realized he needed a partner. Harley-Davidson Inc. bought the majority interest in Buell Motorcycle Co. in 1998, with Buell staying on as chairman and chief technical officer.
Constantly rethinking the industry is what has set Buell, and the motorcycles with his name embossed on them, apart from the other ubiquitous sportbikes. Design philosophies of mass centralization, low unsprung weight and frame rigidity have allowed Buell to create the ultimate streetfighters.
The National Motorcycle Museum was founded in 1988 to promote the motorcycling industry and to preserve its history. The Hall of Fame was organized to recognize people who have contributed to the role of motorcycling in terms of industry, promotion, leadership and competition. A voting committee consisting of motorcycle enthusiasts from across the United States selected this year?s winners.
To learn more about Buell Motorcycles, visit your local Buell dealer today and experience the pure streetfighter attitude, style and performance only found onboard a Buell. Call (800) 409-9635 for the Buell dealer nearest you, or pull into www.buell.com.
GASOLINE—–
Nothing is more frustrating to me than the feeling that every time I fill up the tank, I am sending my money to people who are trying to kill me, my family and my friends. It turns out that oil companies import a lot of Middle Eastern oil and others do not import any. I thought it might be interesting for Americans to know which oil companies are the best to buy their gas from.
Here is the list: Top 5 companies that import Middle Eastern oil for the period 9/1/00 – 8/31/01. By the way, 86 percent of all Middle Eastern oil comes from Saudi Arabia and Iraq.
1. Shell: 206,742,000 barrels of oil.
2. Chevron/Texaco: 144,332,000 barrels of oil.
3. Exxon/Mobil: 130,082,000 barrels of oil.
4. Marathon: 117,740,000 barrels of oil.
5. BP Amoco: 62,231,000
If you do the math at $30 per barrel, these imports amount to about $18 billion. That’s a lot of money.
The following large companies do not import much, if any, Middle Eastern Oil.
1. Citgo: 0 barrels of oil.
2. Sunoco: 0
3. Conoco: 0
4. Sinclair: 0
5. Phillips: 0
All of this information is available from the Department of Energy and can be easily documented. Refineries located in the United States are required to state where they get their oil and how much they are importing. They report on a monthly basis.
You may want to keep this list in your car, share it with friends.
Stop paying for terrorism !
Proof that Vodka is Good For Your Brain—-
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat this problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 million developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface, including glass, and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300 Celsius.
When confronted with the same problem, the Russians used a pencil.
Has anyone lost or broken the remote? The attached brand is better with a reasonable price.
HOW OLD IS THIS MAN ……??—–
One evening a grandson was talking to his grandfather about current events. He asked what he thought about the shootings at schools, the computer age, and just things in general.
The granddad replied, “Well, let me think a minute …I was born before television, penicillin, polio shots, frozen foods, Xerox, contact lenses, Frisbees and the pill. There was no radar, credit cards, laser beams or ball-point pens. Man had not invented pantyhose, air conditioners, dishwashers, clothes dryers, well the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and man hadn’t yet walked on the moon.
Your grandmother and I got married first-and then lived together. Every family had a father and a mother, and every boy over 14 had a rifle that his dad taught him how to use and respect. And they went hunting and fishing together. Until I was 25, I called every man older than I,’Sir’-and after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a title, ‘Sir.’
Sundays were set aside for going to church as a family, helping those in need, and visiting with family or neighbors. We were before gay-rights, computer-dating, dual careers, daycare centers, and group therapy. Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgment, and common sense. We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions.
Serving your country was a privilege; living here was a bigger privilege. We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent. Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins. Draft dodgers were people who closed their front doors when the evening breeze started. Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and weekends-not purchasing condominiums. We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters, yogurt, or guys wearing earrings. We listened to the Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President’s speeches on our radios. And I don’t ever remember any kid blowing his brains out listening to Tommy Dorsey.
The term ‘making out’ referred to how you did on your school exam. Pizza Hut, McDonald’s and instant coffee were unheard of. We had 5- and 10-cent stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and 10 cents. Ice cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar and a Pepsi were all a nickel. And if you didn’t want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough stamps to mail one letter and two postcards.
You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600, but who could afford one? Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon. In my day, ‘grass’ was mowed, ‘coke’ was a cold drink, ‘pot’ was something your mother cooked in, and ‘rock music’ was your grandmother’s lullaby. ‘Aids’ were helpers in the principal’s office, ‘chip’ meant a piece of wood, ‘hardware’ was found in a hardware store, and ‘software’ wasn’t even a word. And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a husband to have a baby. No wonder people call us “old and confused” and say there is a generation gap and how old do you think I am – ????
ANSWER
This man would be only 59 years old.
Teddy Bears—–
A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they endupleaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her aroundhis apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed withsweet,cuddly teddy bears. Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the wayalong the floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher,andhuge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall. The woman is kindofsurprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears,especiallyone that’s so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him,beingquite impressed by this sensitive side of his personality. She turns tohim, they kiss and then they rip each other’s clothes off, and make hotsteamy love.After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they arelying together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling,”Well, how was it?”
The man says, “You can have any prize from the bottom shelf.”
Redneck country—–
Did you hear about the guy from Arkansas who passed away and left hisentire estate to his beloved widow?
But she can’t touch it ’til she’s 14.
How do you know when you’re staying in an Arkansas hotel?
When you call the front desk and say, “I gotta leak in my sink,” thefront desk replies, “Go ahead.”
How can you tell if an Arkansas redneck is married?
There’s dried tobacco juice on BOTH sides of his pickup.
Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Arkansas to 32?
It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools! What do they call rerun of “Hee Haw” in Arkansas? Documentaries.
Where was the toothbrush invented?
Arkansas. If it were invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.
An Ohio State trooper pulls over a pickup on I-75 and says to the Arkansas driver, “Got any I.D.?”
“Bout wut?” says the driver!
Did you hear about the $3 million Arkansas State Lottery?
The winner gets$3 a year for a million years.
Did you hear that the governor’s mansion in Arkansas burned down?
Yep.Pert’ near took out the whole trailer park.
The library was a total loss, too. Both books-poof!-up in flames and he hadn’t even finished coloring one of them.
A new law recently passed in Arkansas:
When a couple gets divorced,they’re STILL brother and sister.
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder—–
They have finally found a diagnosis for my condition. Hooray!!
I have recently been diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. – Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder…
This is how it goes: I decide to wash the car; I start toward the garage and notice the mail on the table. Ok, I’m going to wash the car. But first I’m going to go through the mail. I lay the car keys down on the desk, discard the junk mail and I notice the trashcan is full. OK, I’ll just put the bills on my desk and take the trashcan out, but since I’m going to be near the mailbox anyway, I’ll pay these few bills first. Now, where is my checkbook? Oops, there’s only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk. Oh, there’s the coke I was drinking. I’m going to look for those checks. But first I need to put my coke further away from the computer, oh maybe I’ll pop it into the fridge to keep it cold for a while. I head towards the kitchen and my flowers catch my eye, they need some water. I set the coke on the counter and uh oh! There are my glasses. I was looking for them all morning! I’d better put them away first. I fill a container with water and head for the flowerpots – – Aaaaaagh! Someone left the TV remote in the kitchen. We’ll never think to look in the kitchen tonight when we want to watch television so I’d better put it back in the family room where it belongs. I splash some water into the pots and onto the floor, I throw the remote onto a soft cushion on the sofa and I head back down the hall trying to figure out what it was I was going to do? End of Day: The car isn’t washed, the bills are unpaid, the coke is sitting on the kitchen counter, the flowers are half watered, the checkbook still only has one check in it and I can’t seem to find my car keys! When I try to figure out how come nothing got done today, I’m baffled because I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY LONG!!! I realize this is a serious condition and I’ll get help, BUT FIRST I think I’ll check my e-mail…
Okay, how was that?— Not much about banana production but there was a bunch about bikes and bikers, some babes, some jokes, some news. If you want advice, talk to Bandit. Just like he said, ?Make sure you don?t get too much Lok-Tite on yer nuts.? As for me? Advice? How about?stay between the ditches? Naaaaah.If it weren?t for all the Venetian blind manufacturers, it would be curtains for all of us.
Later,
Nuttboy
