No, it wasn’t a front flat tire on the steel grating bridge to Terminal Island at 80 mph in a driving downpour–we couldn’t be so lucky. It wasn’t a raid on the headquarters by the Texas Rangers to extradite Bandit back to the Panhandle for crimes he committed when he ran away from high school. More devastating than a hole in a piston in the Barstow desert in the summer on a run to Vegas, Bandit’s girls were struck down with the creepy crud.
Bandit’s been missing ever since and rumored found in a sleezebag motel in Daytona Beach recruiting new women. Hey, but all is not lost. When you read the news you’ll immediately discover that we haven’t missed the old bastard one bit. Let’s check it out:
DAYTONA BEACH REPORT– On the first Saturday of the annual pilgrimage by the planet’s entirebiker population to the Sunshine State, Agent Anonymous reports in toheadquarters on the status (excellent) of the Bike Week Bikernet billboard.
Prominent display, directly across from legendary Robison’s former H-Ddealership one block from Ridgewood, it will be seen by tens of millions asthey languish in Speedway Boulevard gridlock while enroute to Beach Avenueattractions and Main Street shenanigans.
Bikernet dayroll performed admirably, as expected. Unique tool pouchfeature kept tie wraps in quick reach for temp repairs when riding buddy’sdistributor (’46 Knuckle) wouldn’t stay in advanced postion during torridI-4 cross-state run.
Bikernet baseball tee cooly reflects sultry heat of Florida springtime sun,to the envy of fellow biker brethren who slowly bake while wearing solarblack look-alike tees.
STATES ATTEMPT TO LEGISLATE MOTORCYCLE PASSENGERS–Hawaii, Maryland and Pennsylvania have recently introduced bills to restrict motorcycle passengers. Hawaii proposes to prohibit passengers under age 12; Maryland’s bill would require the use of passenger footrests; and Pennsylvania proposes to prohibit passengers under the age of 18.
A WOMAN… went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday.After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive.She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn’t want to spend afortune.
“Well,” said the clerk, “I have a very large bullfrog. They say it’sbeen trained to give blowjobs!” “Blowjobs!?” the woman replied. “Ithasn’t been proven but we’ve sold 30 of them this month,” he said. Thewoman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it’s true…nomore blowjobs for her! She bought the frog.
When she explained froggy’s ability to her husband, he was extremelyskeptical and laughed it off. The woman went to bed happy, thinking she maynever need to perform this less than riveting act again.
In the middle of the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots andpans flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds.She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frogreading cookbooks. “What are you two doing at this hour?” she asked.
The husband replied, “If I can teach this frog to cook, your ass isgone.
–Gunracer
BUELL BLAST PURCHASE GUARANTEE PROGRAM ANNOUNCED–Buell announced the Buell Blast Purchase Guarantee. The program states that when a customer buys a new Buell Blast, they have a full year, from the original date of purchase, to trade it in on a new Buell V-Twin or Harley-Davidson motorcycle, and receive a trade-in allowance equal to their original base purchase price (up to MSRP) at participating dealers. The offer ends July 5.
BIKE SHOW ANNOUNCEMENT–There are two bike shows coming up. ?One is in Beverly Hills, Calif., thatCraig Germeroth has been working on and the other is in St. Paul, Minn., that Donnie Smith and American Thunder are sponsoring. Details follow on both. ?Go and show your support!!!
Beverly Hills Run ? Should be 100bikes and 300 cars. Separate trophies for Hamster bikes so people don’t gettheir panties in a bunch. Check in is 7:30 a.m. till 9 a.m. Sunday March 18.Trailers can come inside Saturday with security provided by the show.American Thunder TV will be a sponsor and is expected to do a nice piece onus. We have $6 million in show prizes.
Donnie Smith/American Thunder ShowThis will be a great end to our long winter. ?The show is , March 18 at the Roy Wilkins Auditorium in St. Paul. If you’re showingyour bike, you can bring it over and set up on Saturday from 1 p.m.-6 p.m. ?Teardown is at 5 p.m. Sunday.?This is a bike show/swap meet. The show starts at10 a.m. Sunday. ?Be there.
Also, you Minnesota and Midwestern guys, the Spring Flood Run is on April 21,leaving Whiskey Junction at 10 a.m. or meet at Prescott, Wis. ?
–Correspondent Patty, reporting for Bikernet in Minneapolis.
HOLLISTER CONNECTION–“Personal Message” to Commander Ball/Bikernet Crew, if y’all are reallygoing to make Hollister this year, we want ya to know you will be morethan welcome. The red carpet and all that shit. This is just a view fromone of the places we can provide, so y’all can get away from the crowd,if ya want. Monterey in the summer can get damp, so wear your $300tequila proof rain jacket. Hollister is only an hour ride for me fromMonterey; that way you ride 35 minutes. Hold it! If I get a good night’ssleep and we tour by Ocean Thunder for a mornin’snap, we might leave therest of them f…ers and I can draft ya:
— Ride On! Wino Joe
The sneaky bastard creeping across the background is the infamous Wino Joe.
BIKERNET DISCOUNTS STREETWARE CATALOG–In an effort to cut you guys a break on apparel during down economic times, we’ve cut the prices for all Streetware apparel and accessories by 10 percent.
KILJAY RACING UPDATE–Thank you for posting the “Kiljay” racing update onyour Web site. Here is a photo of my crew chief, Killer,with the new engine and another one showing what a 4-5/8bore cylinder looks like. Did you hear that Jim Mclurecrashed in Orlando?
You are right, this motor is a monster. The bore is 4-5/8 inches and the stroke is 4-3/4 inches. Each cylinder is 80 cubic inchesfor a total of 160. The 4-cam cases were custom made by Delkronto Killer’s specs. They have a 1-1/2 raised deck, which meant that Axtell had to custom make the barrels. The heads were top fuel blank heads and Hannan’s Machine shop has set them up to run on gas. The intake valves are 2.3 inches in diameter and we are running an .810 lift cam. The heads flowed 400 CFMat 28 inches of mercury.
We punched all the numbers into a motor horsepowercomputer program and it is telling us we will have over 300 HPon gas only. We are also running a nitrous oxide system with a Schnitz progressive controller, which will allow us to add up toanother 100 HP power if needed (and my balls are big enough).
To get the fuel into the engine, we are running two Super Dcarburetors each with three thunder jets. The heads we set upto run a carburetor out of each side of the engine. ChicagoJoe is custom making the intake manifolds and doing the engineassembly. The parts for this engine were ordered over 16 monthsago and our cost for the engine is over $20,000. I’m indeep shit if I blow this baby. We are estimating redline on thisengine is 6,800 RPM.
–Stan
AMA UNVEILS NEW INITIATIVE TO REDUCE MOTORCYCLE CRASHES–The AMA’s new program, Motorcyclists Matter, aims to reduce motorcycle-car accidents by increasing penalties for car drivers who injure or kill motorcyclists, develop a mandatory course for offenders and raise awareness of motorcyclists through public information campaigns. ABATE of Pennsylvania and Ohio are actively involved with the AMA on this.
A FUNERAL SERVICE– is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for ten more years, and then dies.
A ceremony is again held at the same place, and at the end of the ceremony the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out, “Watch out for the fucking wall!”
HAWAIIAN SHIRTS COME TO BIKERNET– In Bandit’s absence, we’ve contacted Dragonfly, the fastest growing, wild-assed, too-hip Hawaiian shirt manufacturer to come along in years. It’s run by three brothers and overseen by their dad, who has been in the garment business for 40 years. They are biker Hawaiian shirts to the bone and soon to be available in the Gift Shop. The prices will be more than resonable and there’s no charge for shipping and handling. The shirt on the right is licensed by Gibson guitars. Be sure to stay tuned and check ’em out. In a couple of weeks we’ll be launching the shirts once the girls come around to model them. Bandit will be back for that.
NEW IRONHORSE CUSTOM– This Over-Kill Trike was built by Don Center in Roswell, N.M., where everything is distorted. This bike will be on display at the Beverly Hills Bike Show on March 17. IronHorse is a proud sponsor of Bikernet. Paul Venturo is Don’s main mechanic on this project. It’s powered by a ZZ4 Corvette engine with aluminum heads and it’s blown. It’s 500 horsepower and Don plans to race us to Sturgis on this trike. The trike is 14 feet long and 84 inches wide. Don builds these bikes turnkey for $26,000 base price and he will build the engines up to 720 horsepower. Stock trikes are 320 horsepower.
For years Don built Bourget bikes until Mrs. Bourget beat him up behind a bar, and he started building trikes. Many of his show-stopping two-wheelers were featured in Biker and Easyriders. He’s been building these monsters for five years and they’ve come along way. Talk about an open framed rocket ship. Bandit’s negotiating with Don to afford the Bikernet crew a two-week head start to the Badlands. That should do it.
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