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AUNT AGNES– was in her 80s, and much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. The pastor came to call one afternoon and she welcomed him into her Victorian parlor. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared a little tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated, of all things … a condom.
Imagine his shock and surprise. Imagine his curiosity! Surely Aunt Agnes had flipped or something…! But he certainly couldn’t mention the strange sight in her parlor. When she returned with tea and cookies, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him, and he could resist no longer. “Aunt Agnes,” he said, “I wonder if you would tell me about this?” (pointing to the bowl).
“Oh, yes,” she replied, “isn’t it wonderful? I was walking downtown last fall and I found this little package. The directions said to put it on the organ, keep it wet, and it would prevent disease. And you know… I haven’t had a cold all winter.”
–Leona
MOTOMAMA RIDES AGAIN– with ISSUE 3!MOTOMAMA MAGAZINESPRING ISSUE RELEASE PARTY.May 8, Tuesday Bike NightSpring/Greenwich streets, Manhattan
Come celebrate the spring issue release and hang out with a diverse collection of women bikers from the area, as well as the lovely men and women who appreciate this fine lot. Otherwise, be sure to check your local newsstand or shop for MM Issue 3.
*more info at www.motomama.com
A LITTLE GIRL– A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She standsnext to the barber chair eating a cake while her dad gets his hair cut. Thebarber smiles at her and says, “Sweetheart, you’re gonna get hair on yourmuffin.”
“I know,” she replies. “I’m gonna get tits too.”
GOOD WORDS FOR BIKERNET–I just got a package from you containing a shirt that was missing from aprevious order (it was backordered), along with an autographed copy ofyour book, and I just wanted to drop you a quick note and tell you thatit’s good to know that in the darkness of the motorcycle business, thereare occasional stars like Bikernet that shine over all the rest of thefuckin dickheads who have no idea how to treat a customer or a business.
All I did was buy a couple of T-shirts and you made me feel like I wasyour No. 1 customer.It’s people like you and your team that make this all worth while, well,that, and the wind in my face…..
Keep up the good work, and if ever you or one of your ‘agents’ land inthe promised land, give us a call and we’ll get you all liquored up.
–Ziv Nave
Tel Aviv, Israel
MY BABE FROM SIN CYCLES (WONDER WHY)–Long time no hear! We finally got most of our stuff finished as well. I am putting together the bike that, last you saw, I was sending to paint…maybe some tech tips? I can send you photos of thebike being built and you can use what you like.
We will be having a bikers’appreciation day on May 12, noon to 3 p.m. with free barbecue and music.
Sin Cycles & Sinner Clothing
700 W. Willow Suite E
Long Beach, Calif. 90806
(562) 997.9119
www.sincycles.com
BUELL REPORT–And miscellaneous tech information from our inside source at Charolette H-D.
The mystery hole is for an engine temperature sensor used on the Buell X1 fuel-injected model. The Thunderstorm casting you have is an earlier version. For 2001 they moved the location of the sensor to the top of the head, about where the square hole is in the rocker box cover in the center. Buell uses the same heads for the carb. models as for the fuel injected models.
Sorry I didn’t get back to you on the H-D stroker kit till today. It’s 4 3/8 stroke. With the 95 inch big bore kit it will give you a 103-inch engine. I looked at the pistons pretty good. They are made by Arias and are a true stroker piston, which means they are very short, not much of a skirt.
I sent in a blurb on the release of the kit and you posted it in part one of the news on Feb. 1. Remember, the stroker kit is for only T.C. 88 “A” motors (Dyna’s, Baggers, etc.). Not for the Softails!
As I mentioned, you can remove the entire counter balancing system from the “B” motor. Then you can build a big-inch stroker. There will be the vibration like a stroker shovel. This is a radical option for a new Softail as the engines are not rubber mounted! Not many of these have been done.
I’m just mentioning it to you if you know somebody who has a new Softail and wants to build a strong, unique go-fasta. The balancing system pretty much makes this engine a low rpm motor. We have already replaced two Softail engines where the sprocket gear on the pinion shaft has shifted/rotated. This throws the counter balancers out of time. Suddenly you have a vibration problem, kinda like a Shovel with a broken front motor mount.
On your leaking rocker boxes: Did they leak from the bottom of the rocker box where they bolt to the head? I always put the gaskets on DRY and follow torque destructions in the manual. You can use just a small (dots) amount of Hylamar to hold the gaskets in place if need be.
Also removing the gasket from the bottom of the rocker box can be a royal pain. Use a heat gun and heat up the gaskets before scraping. This makes your gasket removal job less painful.
Wonder what your gas mileage will be riding solo. You should get 40 to 50 mpg. Of course, that depends on how much that throttle grip is twisted! How was the power riding two up? Did you seem to have plenty power for passing?
I had all the power I needed. I never really got to test what it could do.–Bandit
Sounds like Laughlin was a good trip. Did the Buell do OK? Did the gas mileage work out like I thought?The seat on the M2 is the best of the Buell models.
Here is the P/N for the 55-tooth international rear pulley 37727-97Y. Stock is 61 teeth. I forget if the M2 has a 29 or 27 tooth trans pulley. I know the S3 has a 29 T mainly because it’s for touring. The 55 T pulley might be a good choice for the Sturgis run. Running the 27/55combo gives a ratio of 2.04. The 29/55 is like 1.89. Only thing is, you lose that off the line snap you have now by using that 55 T pulley.
CV carb– I know you are swamped with News, but I wanted to e-mail you about the CV carb while it’s on my mind. The beauty of this carb is the gas mileage verses a Mikuni or Spit & Sputter (S&S). It has great performance but also very good gas mileage. It’s that vacuum slide, man. The hole (venturi) is variable and operates on engine demand.
You can modifiy the accelerator pump circuit to give you a mist spray of gas instead of that stream that just wastes all kinds of gas. You would be surprized how much that helps your gas mileage, especially for someone who constantly is “twisting the grip” at stoplights.
So try to keep track of the mileage and let me know how you did. Lots of my buddies go to the River Run from Phoenix.
TITAN GONE– Did you hear about Titan’s Chapter 7? A guy I know who worked for Myon (Easyriders), worked in the motor room for Titan. He was also there when Chuck Ashley ran the motor room.Too bad, they had a decent product. That’s it. Get some R&R man.
A NUN–is sitting with her Mother Superior chatting. “I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it.”
“When did you use this awful language?” asks the elder.
“Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go 280 yards, but it struck a phone line over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards.”
“Is that when you swore?”
“No, Mother,” says the nun. “After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth and began to run away.”
“Is THAT when you swore?” asks the Mother Superior again.
“Well, no.” says the nun. “You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!”
“Is THAT when you swore?” asks the amazed elder nun.
“No, not yet. As the eagle carried the squirrel away, it flew near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball.”
“Did you swear THEN?” asked Mother Superior.
“No, because the ball fell on a big rock, bounced over the sand trap, rolled onto the green, and stopped about six inches from the hole.”
The two nuns were silent for a moment. Then Mother Superior sighed and said, “You missed the putt, didn’t you?
JENNIFER SNYDER SETS THE TONE AT F-USA’s DIRT TRACK OPENER–17-Year-Old Records Fast Time, Wins Heat, Earns Maximum Championship Points. With a daring, last-lap pass, factoryHarley-Davidson racer Jennifer Snyder sent a bold message to the dirt trackcommunity . . . the 17-year old has arrived. Punctuating a dominatingqualifying performance, Snyder sliced through the field to win the FormulaUSA National Dirt Track Series opener, Saturday at Colonial Downs in NewKent, Va. Her first national win came after a race-long battle with teammateRich King and top competitors Mike Hacker and Bryan Smith, silencing thepundits and proving her mettle.
“She’s the real deal,” said Harley-Davidson’s legendary dirt track tunerBill Werner. “And we’re just starting to figure out how to work together.There’s no telling what her potential is in this sport.”According to Snyder, her first national victory, which was the firstnational win by a woman in the history of dirt track racing, is something onwhich she can build.
“My goal was to win, just like every time I race – but this is a greatfeeling,” said Snyder. After dominating qualifying, Snyder got a poor start in the final and had towork her way up through the field, passing eight riders in four laps.Eventually, Snyder, King, Hacker and Smith broke away from the pack andbattled each other for the lead. Snyder and Hacker drafted past King andSmith on the last lap, then Snyder grabbed the lead for good going into turnthree.
“It was a rough race, especially at the beginning, but I knew if I couldlead going into turn three, I’d be able to hold them off at the end,” shesaid.
Hacker finished second, with King holding off Smith for third.With the victory, Snyder earned maximum championship points for the event bysetting the fastest qualifying time and winning her heat race. King will return to action May 5 in the AMA U.S. Flat Track Championship atTexas Motor Speedway in Forth Worth. Snyder resumes the points chase in theFormula USA National Dirt Track Series June 8 at the Sheboygan CountyFairgrounds in Plymouth, Wis.
A COUPLE MADE A DEAL– that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the after life. The couple’s biggest fear was thatthere was no heaven. After a long life, the husband was the first to go and,true to his word, he made contact. “Mary… Mary….”
“Is that you Fred?”
“Yes, I have come back like we agreed.”
“What is it like?”
“Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex, I have breakfast, I have sex, I bathe in the sun, then I have more sex, I have lunch, then sex pretty much all afternoon till supper-then sex till late at night,sleepthen start all over again.”
“Oh Fred you surely must be in heaven.”
“Hell no, I’m a rabbit in Kansas.”
–from Dave Florence Jr.
SAM ORWELL GETS NOD–been meanin’ to drop a note to let you know I finally got to read the bookand thought it was fantastic… You did a great job with the story line,how you think it’s gonna end and then it shoots off in another direction.
Also wanted to thank you for signin’ the book too. That was unexpected andreally appreciated. Take it easy!!!
–jr
HEADACHE–A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, “I have a headache.”
“Perfect” her husband said. “I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository,…
–Glen Romeo
BIKERNET DRAG RACING DEPARTMENT–NEW–This is a message from John Hammock, Modified and Pro Stock class:”I found the site and the races, my class was posted. Thank you for thepics. I have called other riders and given them the Web site info. I am the organizer for the super modified racers association and would beinterested in any exposure I can get for the class (pro-modified). http://members.tripod.com/partnersoftheroad
DAYS GONE BY–Here’s one I think you will like. This is my Web site I’ve been working on. When you get a chance, look it up. Hell, you can put it on you link page. It’s a work in progress. Some day, when it grows up, I hope it’s half has cool has Bikernet.com.
In the pic is my father in law.He used to race with Old Man Sifton. There’s more about him on my Road News Page. The Web address on this page. This is a Partners Of The Road Update. Home page http://members.tripod.com/partnersoftheroad/index.htm
–Thanks Dennis
NEW STARS CONTINUE TO SHINE IN F-USA BUELL LIGHTNING SERIESJUSTIN MCREYNOLDS CAPTURES VICTORY AT WILLOW SPRINGS ON VALLEJO BACKED S1–The Formula USA Buell Lightning Seriescontinues to deliver pavement shredding performance with incredible actionand blossoming stars. In the first two races of the season, the series hasunfurled the checkered for two first-time winners. This past April 22 atWillow Springs Raceway in Rosamond, Calif., Justin McReynolds of Brentwood, Calif.,scored the biggest win of his career, as he launched his Chris Zootis tunedVallejo Buell S1 into the lead and never looked back.
Qualifying second, behind Kosco’s X-1 rider Michael Barnes,McReynolds spooled up the torque of his Vallejo backed Buell from the lineand immediately went into the lead. Barnes, who won the season opener atDaytona, and Tripp Nobles, aboard his New Castle Buell S1, took chase. Thetrio opened up a gap over San Diego Buell’s Joe Hammond and Appleton Buell’sJeff Johnson.
As the white flag lap approached, Barnes was going for broke, butMcReynolds continued to hold the lead, with superior drives through Willow’shigh-speed turns 8 and 9. At the line, with McReynolds jubilant, Barnes andNobles took the remaining podium positions respectively. Just behind, JeffJohnson slipped past Joe Hammond for fourth.
After two races, Michael Barnes leads the Formula USA BuellLightning Series point standings over Tripp Nobles with VirginiaInternational Raceway next up on the bill, June 28 – July 1.
In accompanying F-USA National Road Race Series action, Bartels’Harley-Davidson’s Jody Hendley, a supreme Willow Springs specialist, snaredthe win in the Formula USA Sportsman class aboard his Sportster 1200, edgingout Buell pilots Jeff Johnson and Hal’s Buell backed Dan Bilansky. Johnson,who won at Daytona, still leads the Sportsman points chase.
For more information on the Formula USA series, visit their web siteat www.formulausa.com. To learn more about Buell motorcycles, visit yourlocal Buell dealer today and experience the pure streetfighter attitude,style and performance only found on board a Buell. Call (800) 490-9635 forthe Buell dealer nearest you. Or pull into www.buell.com.
WE’RE BURNIN’ DAYLIGHT–I know I’m forgetting somethin, but what the hell. There’s always next week. Remember, if you have news, events, good jokes or tech tips, send them to me with jpgs at 72 dpi and I’ll post this shit for the world to see–bandit@bikernet.com.
Nyla hung on like a leech in the Nile. I decided to give her another break in Ludlow on 40, but she was cool and we kept going to the Goff turnoff, where we got gas again. We had blasted through another 112.5 miles and took on 3.16 gallons of high test, which was giving us 35.6 mpg. The difference was due to the speed. We were cutting through a throng of butterflies at 90 mph and for long stretches at 100 mph. As it turned out, we had only another 68 miles to go for a 316-mile putt in exactly six hours. At one stop, I found a dead butterfly in perfect shape straddling my left mirror stem. We gave the poor bugger a proper burial.
At 100 mph, the M-2 ran so smooth I could ride with one hand on the bars and play grab-ass with Nyla. The rubbermount Sportster power train worked effortlessly. The bike is feather light and handles like a warm knife through butter. Even Nyla enjoyed every mile. If you get the chance to test ride a Buell, do it. You’ll be shocked at the fun you’ll have.
I won’t be mentioning Nyla much in the future. I’ll tell you about the female blow-up we had before Laughlin. Layla was as pissed as a rattler without rattles, over something that happened between Coral and Sin Wu, and she stormed out. She was waiting when I returned, though. Ya see, I’m innocent. Let’s ride–Bandit.
