Bandit, Ferryman and Jose
Pure Insanity. Those are the only two words I can use to describe how things are around the headquarters. If you like kids coming in and out, the phone ringing, UPS visits, power outages, etc? then you?d love it here.
Starting tonight and all weekend long we?ll have visitors coming from as far as England. The masses have flocked to So Cal for Jesse?s No Love party and The Love Ride. This year, the Bikernet Headquarters was added to the list of ?gotta stop there?.
Some walls are still just frame work, the bathroom is not yet fully functional, but Bandit?s warehouse and office are squeaky clean, (of course), and that?s where we?ll be doing the entertaining.
Let me be the first to welcome Ferryman from England (he brings Tulamore Dew) and Jose from Puerto Rico (hopefully he brings more Puerto Rican Rum). I?m glad they made it here safely. I don?t want to make it seem like you have to bring booze to visit, you can bring your women for Bandit and Sin, and bring food if you want to please Layla.
Now for a short news?
A Peak At A Steeds?Bandit,Here’s Scotty and riding shots of the our newest model, the 300-PM(Performance Monoglide) Quarterhorse. 2 0f 2, the bike studio shots are inthe other e-mail just sent. Tech sheet is very similar to our other bikes,this one has a 2″ Stretch, 36 degree rake, 300 tire 124″ S&S engine, 6-speedBaker RSD, and a gas gauge in the tank too.
Thanks
John
Zero Gravity–When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered thatball-point pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat this problem,>NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that writesin zero gravity, upside-down, on almost any surface including glass and attemperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300 C. The Russians used apencil. Your taxes are due again–enjoy paying them.
CowsIs it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government cantrack a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall whereshe sleeps in the state of Washington. And they tracked her calves to theirstalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wanderingaround our country.
Bikernet On Our Constitution–“They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don’t wejust give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it’sworked for over 200 years and hell, we’re not using it anymore.”
–from Gene Koch
Photo by Bob T.
Dirty One Liners–
Q. What is the difference between erotic and kinky?
A. Erotic is using a feather….kinky is using the whole chicken.
Q. What’s got four legs and one arm?
A. A Rottweiler.
Q. How can you tell if your girlfriend’s frigid?
A. When you open her legs the lights go on.
Q. When does a cub become a boy scout?
A. When he eats his first Brownie.
Q. What do you call a blonde grabbing at air?
A. Collecting her thoughts.
Q: How is a woman like a condom?
A: Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
Q: What’s the difference between love, true love and showing off?
A: Spitting, swallowing and gargling.
Q: Why do men name their penis?
A: They like to be on a first name basis with the one making most oftheir decisions.
Q: Why do women have vaginas?
A: So men will talk to them.
Q: Why do men like big tits and tight pussy?
A: Because they’ve got big mouths and little dicks.
Q: What is the difference between ooooooh and aaaaaaah?
A: About three inches.
Q: Why don’t women have any brains?
A: Because they don’t have penises to keep them in.
Q: What two things in the air can make a women pregnant?
A: Her feet!
Q: What is the difference between a geneologist and a gynecologist?
A: A geneologist looks up your family tree and a gynecologist looksup your bush.
Q: Why can’t Miss Piggy count to 70?
A: Because she gets a frog in her throat at 69.
Q: Whats the difference between a microwave and a woman.
A: A microwave doesn’t scream when you put a piece of meat in it.
Q: Why do drivers’ education classes in redneck schools use the caronly on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
A: Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Q: What’s the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo?
A: A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front ofthe cage, along with a recipe.
Q: What’s the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southernfairytale?
A: A Northern fairytale begins, “Once upon a time…” A Southernfairytale begins, “Y’all ain’t gonna believe this shit…”
Q: How do you know you’re leading a sad life?
A: When a nymphomaniac tells you, “Let’s just be friends.”
Q: What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus and a yeastinfection?
A: An itchy, twitchy twat.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster?
A: A cock that stays up all night.
–from Rogue
PAUGHCO RADICAL CURVED DOWNTUBE 280 RIGHT DRIVE–Paughco, the Godfather of the custom frame industry, has done it again. You’re looking at their much-anticipated CURVED SINGLE DOWNTUBE 280 chassis. This new chassis is designed specifically for RIGHT SIDE DRIVE applications which means both the motor and transmission are centered in the frame. The frames accept popular 280 rubber and can be ordered in stretch options of 2×4, 3×6, 4×8, and 5×10. Standard leg and backbone dimensions are offered on double downtube frames only. You can also indicate rake angles of 30, 35, 40 or 45 degrees. Each frame comes complete with hidden axle plates and axle assembly. Additionally the new chassis can be ordered with double downtubes if desired. Not pictured is the SOFTAIL 280 RIGHT DRIVE which is being offered with similar options. For complete details call 775-246-5738 or visit www.paughco.com. Email to: info@paughco.com
BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT–Sorry guys but I did miss the news last week, then again you will see the reasons why as you follow this write up, rant or whatever the fuck you want to call it.
It?s funny how things develop. A couple weeks ago I was in Daytona talking to some friends who happen to work at Street Chopper and Hot Bike, setting up a couple shoots of my bikes, and then I get back and find out Bandit will be the head honcho over there. So if you see any of my bikes, chops, bobbers or whatever, they were planned before Bandit jumped on board. I guess his pull was not used for that first set….Although I’m not saying that I won’t use it for further events, let’s see what happens next.
Speaking of such, I believe that no matter how many bikes I have built, nor how many years I have been at this, no bike has caused more effect than the purple bobber I did for the Journey Museum. Funny, how many bikes I built with wide tires and such, and by just going back to basics, to what I did many years ago, I went full force into another level.
No matter what people think or say, those things are what we built before. I guess I was just waiting for my turn to bring them back into my builds. And in a sense I am really glad about it. I’ve had the chance to put together many different styles of bikes, do a lot from stockers to full choppers with wide tires, learn from every single one, and learn more every single time, I guess growing, which is the most important part of all this, growing and learning. At the same time you re-learn all the stuff you forget. I remember I could tear an old bike apart and build it back, using the old cliche, with one eye tied behind my back and hands blindfolded, or something along those lines, now I have to look and redo, but we will get it back in due time.
One of the main causes of me losing interest in the older stuff is that I was trying to preserve it. I remember when bikes were cheap and plentiful, a 1980 was kind of new, there was no mercy when it was time to chop it, then time passed, and the bikes we played with became more valuable and harder to find, so the only sane way was to begin doing repros. Mind you, I still don’t have the heart to cut up anything original, but the availability of certain parts makes life easier, and cutting up shit, a party. There’s no secret that I am more than partial to the simple, older stuff, that does not mean I don’t know how to do newer stuff, done that, it’s just that I like what I like, and I’m glad that people are starting to notice those older bikes. Plus you get caught up on the bigger race, wider tires, more cubic inches, shit like that, when at the end is just another fad, another stepping stone.
I really believe that there’s a point when a builder can build (yeap that’s what builders do) what they want to actually build. That?s when you can relax and enjoy the trip, don’t build shit for show, beat the crap out of it, usable, and be happy. The other thing is seeing how many parts are you making yourself, steel, a welder and grinders, the parts keep adding up, and some become standards in a bike, sometimes you can name who built it by these slight details. One very good example of this is Jesse James, no matter what people say, he does most of his stuff, and does not rest ’till he achieves it. He learns a new way to do things all the time, and takes the proper time to do so, no matter what you do, it’s yours, huge budget or not.I guess what the base of all this is growing and learning, like I said before, one day you stick weld, then you mig, then you tig, or you cut metal up, then you shape it and later on you are able to do a fender with an english wheel, I guess you are following me…….
So what about the purple bobber?
You take all this knowledge that you have amassed and use it to what you know best, and it’s AFFORDABLE to others, paint it in colors you like, no matter if people think it’s too bright, follow some rules and bend others, it’s a beauty being able to jump from one era to another and non conforming to standards, just putting together something that people might recognize you by, which my friends, it’s the hardest part of actually building bikes.I guess others have seen what I do reflected in that little bobber/early chopper/chopper, or whatever you want to call it, and they have made me realize that is what I do, and that is what I enjoy doing. Simple ain’t it ?
Anyway, while you guys read this, I will be at the Bikernet headquarters, No Love Party is coming up and I have some biz to do in Cali, although I don’t have the time, I will have to pay for it later by very late hours at the shop…..So what’s fucking new.
See you next week.
Jose ? Bikernet Caribbean Reporter
Bikernet Sex Advice–An Irish woman “of a certain age”, visited her doctor to ask his help in reviving her husband’s sex drive.
“What about trying Viagra?”, asks the doctor.
“Not a chance”, she said. “He won’t even take an aspirin.”
“Not a problem”, replied the doctor. “Drop it in his coffee, he won’t even taste it”. “Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went”.
A week later she rang up the doctor, who directly inquired as to the progress. The poor dear exclaimed, “Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! ‘Twas horrid, just terrible, Doctor”.
“Really? What happened?”, asked the doctor.”Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee, didn’t I? The effect was almost immediate. He jumped his self straight up, with a twinkle in his eye, and with this pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there, making wild, mad, passionate love to me on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you!”
“Why so terrible?”, asked the doctor. “Do you mean you didn’t enjoy it?”
“Of course I did doctor! Indeed, ’twas the best sex I’ve had in 25 years. But I’ll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!”
–from Vern H.
Photo by Bob T.
WHEN TOM CRUISE SHAPED UPFOR NEXT ACTION FLICK HE DID ITON ONE WHEEL!–AND…OOW SCHOOL COMING TOLAKELAND MOTORSPORTS PARKLAKELAND, FLORIDA (1 Hr. n. of Tampa)NOVEMBER 18, 19, 20.In June of 2004, Willow Springs International Raceway in Rosamond,California hosted Tom Cruise and The On One Wheel wheelie school.Cruise chose On One Wheel to hone his already terrific wheelie skillsin preparation for the filming of Mission Impossible 3 and invited RollingStone Magazine along to do his cover interview for that prestigiouspublication.
“Tom was a good rider already. He has a great combination of braveryand control, just like in his films,” says Whitney Fair, Director of theschool. “That was his third On One Wheel school session and he’s alreadyjust about good enough to enter stunt contests. The idea was to get to thenext action level on the motorcycle and, in his usual go-for-it style, he did!”
School founder and the world’s top motorcycle instructor, Keith Code,says, “Doing wheelies ranks high on the list of the most frivolous anddecadent things in the history of Mankind but I look at it from the perspectiveof skill and control. It just happens to be one of the skills every top riderI have ever worked with has perfected.”
“Riders have more confidence in themselves when they know they canreally handle the motorcycle, especially in extreme circumstances and awheelie is an extreme circumstance. “The Wheelie School, appropriatelynamed On One Wheel (www.OnOneWheel.com) will reduce fear….whichis the best part,” says Code.
The highlight of the school is Code’s invention, the Wheelie TrainingBike. The school’s Triumph Speed Triples are equipped with twoANTI FLIP-OVER devices. An adjustable microswitch kills one of the threecylinders while the other applies the rear brake. Both devices areadjustable and can produce the desired height of the wheelie.”Your eyes will pop out of your head when it goes up–but flipping itwon’t be easy,” says Code.
Along with the rest of his motorcycle training devices —the Brake Rig,the Onboard Camera Bike, the No B.S. Bike, the Braking Trainer, theLean/Slide Machine and the Control Trainer, which are used at Code’slegendary California Superbike School — the Wheelie Bike gives studentsa whole new level of control over their riding.
Rolling Stone – issue #956, September 2/04 cover article describes it.For more information and school travel schedules -such as the LakelandMotorsports Park in Lakeland, Florida (1 hour north of Tampa) onNovember 18, 19, 20.visit: www.OnOneWheel.comor call: 818-957-7104.
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