This is going to be short and sweet. I’m on call for a turkey dinner and actually I should be over there now helping Sin Wu with preparations, but I’m waiting here for bike parks and Jack Daniels. Suppose that’s an indication or my priorities.
On the other hand, I want to wish all a helluva Happy Thanksgiving. We have much to be thankful for, and if nothing else take a moment to ponder that thought today. We’re lucky motherfuckers. Let’s get to the news:
BIKERNET FAMILY COUNSELING– A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, “Harry what is your problem?”
Harry answered, “I’m too smart for the first grade. My sister is in the third grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade too!
The teacher had enough. She took Harry to the principal’s office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to class and behave. The teacher and Harry both agreed.
The Test:
Principal: “What is 3 x 3?” Harry: “9”.
Principal: “What is 6 x 6?” Harry: “36”.
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third grader should know, Harry answered correctly. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, “I think Harry can go to the third grade.”
The teacher says to the principal, “Let me ask him some questions?”
The principal and Harry both agree.
The teacher asks, “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?”
Harry, after a moment, “Legs.”
Teacher: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?” Harry replied, “Pockets.”
Teacher: “What does a dog do that a man steps into?”
Harry: “Pants”
Teacher: What’s starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
delicious and contains thin whitish liquid ?
Harry: Coconut
Teacher: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?
Harry: Bubblegum
Teacher: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog can do on three legs?
Harry: Shake hands
Teacher: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up,and I get wet before you do. What am I?
Harry: A Tent
Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?
Harry: A Wedding ring
Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good. What am I?
Harry: A Nose
Teacher: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver. What am I?
Harry: An Arrow
Teacher: What word starts with an ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means a lot of excitement?
Harry: A Fire truck
The principal interrupted, breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, “Put Harry in the fifth grade, I missed the last ten questions myself.”
–from Chris T.
How we spend Thanksgiving in the Caribbean.
BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT– We hope that everyone is having an excellent Thanksgiving day ! This dayreminds us to be thankful for all the stuff we have, to be able to ridechoppers, to be able to tell stories, to breathe and see the next daylight.We shall give thanks for the ability to read and write what the hell wechoose, to be able to reach millions of people by this forum, to have lovedones that care about our well being and support us in the down times. To beable to read or see the, lately, tragic news and not being them. Thanksfor being able to get on the bike, kick the stupid helmet and roll down thehighways letting our world and worries pass by, taken by the wind thatsnaps at our ears, and with the corner of our eyes see those grand sights,hills, beaches, woods, deserts, that let’s us know we are still humans.
The HOG Caribbean Rally took place last week end, it was a 3-day ridearound the island of Puerto Rico. The attendance was in the hundreds with afew brave visitors from the US and Europe. This kind of event is anexcellent way to visit the island, but as other new rides it’s flawsovercome it’s pluses. We hope that in following years the organizers willtake advice from people who are non HOGand just work together to make a better event. Hope to sort the kinks andsee you next year in Puerto Rico.
Bourget’s Bike Works has moved to a new 2 acre building in Phoenix. Theopening will take place Dec 3 and 4 with the second dealers meeting.BBW promises even better service and more space to do those super coolcustoms. Seems that the way to do it is to start small and thengrow….Some other bike companies should learn something from them.Congrats Roger and Brigitte !
The guys from the “Factory” showed up at the Caribbean Rally and sponsor aride in bike show, this year our Road King took second place, leaving firstto a fireman from New York on his cruiser. Cool guys, I would have done thesame,(the bike was featured a couple weeks ago).
WCC number two is already on the paint booth, final mock up was done and wehope to have something worth of photos in a week or so. We will have thebike around Bike Week in March.
Our Build the cheapest bike project is on the way and here’s thedevelopment.The frame was found at Custom Chrome, a Santee rigid in special sale wichkept it way under the thousand bucks. We found a set of sporty triple treesthat came out of an accident, a little cutting and polishing did it , alsowe just did an FXR and the sliders and tubes were “donors” , the front 21inch wheels came from the same bike.Our rear fender was a half left fromanother project, bungs and struts were done from steel. We found and oldsoftail spoke wheel, took the hub and spokes and are looking for a wide rimto lace the wheel. A peanut chopper tank was found for 40 bucks, as well asrisers and bars saved from the piles of takeoffs, the front caliper wasalso from the takeoffs box and its a “factory” one. We decided to buy newtires, so the 21 front and 16 rear are already there. Total aproxinvestment ’till now $840.00. We have a lot of takeoff parts that will beused and are into the cheapo chopper box, will report on them in followingweeks.
I read replies at You Shot, thanks for your support. If anyone has questions shoot them or e-mail me at Demiguel@compuserve.com, make sure to add bikernet, or I’ll delete them as junk mail.
Oh well, time to go rest since we have lots to do, next week we will showthe FXR we just did, also the progress in WCC # 2, and the new shirts fromthe shop available at $20.00 shipping included. Like I said at thebeginning, Have a great Thanksgiving day !.Hey !!!! POP goes the Weasel !!!
–Jose Caribbean Bikernet “turkey stuffed” agent.
GREETINGS AND SALIVATIONS– WE HOPE ALL YOU MUGS HAVE A HAPPY & HEALTHY TURKEY DAY.WE WISH WE COULD GET ALL YOU GUYS TOGETHER FOR AN OLD FASHIONED TURKEY STUFFIN, BUT I GUESS WE’LL JUST HAVE TO SETTLE FOR?THIS ?STINKIN E MAIL..THE PANHEAD IS IDLING OUT IN THE SHED WITH A 20 LB BIRD?STRAPPED SECURLY BETWEEN THE JUGS, ROASTIN AWAY, THE SPUDS ARE RESTING ON THE STRAIGHT PIPES AND THE CRANBERRIES ARE COOKING IN THE EXHAUST FUMES.
A REMINDER THAT FESTAVUS OFFICALLY BEGINS TOMORROW, SO I’LL BE SENDING YOU ALL THE FLAKINGS OF THE OFFICIAL ALUMINIUM POLE SHORTLY. SO KICK BACK, OPEN THE TEQUILLA JUG AND HAVE YERSELVES A HAPPY AND HEALTHY…..
LOVE TO ALL
TEDDY BEAR & MAGGIE
STUD ROOSTER INTERVIEWED–A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new studrooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster strutsover to the old rooster and says, “Ok old fart, timefor you to retire.”
The old rooster replies, “Come on, surely you cannothandle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has doneto me. Can’t you just let me have the two old hensover in the corner?”
The young rooster says, “Beat it! You are all washedup and I’m taking over.”
The old rooster says, “I tell you what, young stud.I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever winsgets the exclusive domain over the entire chickencoop.”
The young rooster laughs, “You know you don’t standa chance old man, so just to be fair I will give youa head start.” The old rooster takes off running.About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes offrunning after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse andtheyoung rooster has closed the gap.He is already about 5 inches behind the old roosterand gaining fast.
The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spoton the front porch when he sees the roosters runningby. He grabs up his shotgun and BOOM!, he blows theyoung rooster to bits.
The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, “Damn it,that’s the third gay rooster I bought this month.”
Moral of this story …Don’t mess with the OLD FARTS!
–Emma
ROSCOE DRAG RACING REPORT–My ol’ buddy Geoff sent this to me. Thought you’d like to see who won at Roscoe’s.Roscoe’s Ole Tyme Harley Drags results,Nov. 18th, 2001,Big Fun in Central Florida.
Top Fuel
winner Chuck Jones
r/u Doc Hopkins
semi Joe Coursey
semi Sonny Mickalowski
broke Ray Cason
Top Gas
winner Eddie Strauss
r/u Harley Bishop
Street King
winner Donnie Huffman
r/u Willie Herschberger
Pro Bracket
winner.. Donnie Huffman
r/u Bob Drapp
Trophy Bracket
winner Larry Guy
r/u Jerry Snider
Buell
winner Phil Hines
r/u Frank Giambatlista
Big Twin Evo
winner Willie Herschberger
r/u Scott Trahan
Twin Cam 88
winner Pat Doyle
r/u Jeff Herschberger
Ladies
winner Glenna Campana
Dresser
winner..Willie Herschberger
Old Pharts
winner.. Tree
r/u Sleezer
Special thanks to all that worked so hard to make this race come off in a timelyfashion even with two rain delays & an oil-down.
Photographers: ?Miserable George & English Jim
Thanks again…….Roscoe’s race director….Geoff White
–Charlie Brewton
SAM “CHOPPER” ORWELL BOOK REVIEW–I don’t know if you’ve seen the issue with the “Sam Chopper review in it but this is the link to it on the web if you want to see it.www.dixierider.com/pastissues/november%202001/royal.htm#bottom
–Scott cochran
Dixie Rider Motorcycle News
Sam is available in the Bikernet Gift Shop or through CSI above.
THINGS THA SOUND “DIRTY” AT THANKSGIVING BUT AREN’T– “Talk about a huge breast!”
“Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.”
“It’s Cool Whip time!”
“If I don’t undo my pants, I’ll burst!”
“Whew, that’s one terrific spread!”
“Are you ready for seconds yet?”
“It’s a little dry, do you still want to eat it?”
“Just wait your turn, you’ll get some!”
“Don’t play with your meat.”
“Just spread the legs open & stuff it in.”
“I didn’t expect everyone to come at once!”
“Use a nice smooth stroke when you whip it.”
“How long will it take after you stick it in?”Happy Thanksgiving!?
–from Chris T.?
HAPPY THANKSGIVING…….
“Twas the Night of Thanksgiving, but I just couldn’t sleep.
I tried counting backwards, I tried counting sheep.
The Leftovers beckoned – the Dark Meat and White
But I fought the Temptation with all of my Might.
Tossing and turning with Anticipation
The Thought of a Snack became Infatuation.
So, I raced to the Kitchen, flung open the Door
and gazed at the Fridge, full of Goodies Galore.
I gobbled up Turkey and Buttered Potatoes,
Pickles and Carrots, Beans and Tomatoes.
I felt myself Swelling so Plump and so Round,
‘Til all of a Sudden, I rose off the Ground.
I crashed through the Ceiling, floating into the Sky
With a Mouthful of Pudding and a Handful of Pie.
But, I managed to Yell as I soared past the Trees….
Happy Eating to All – pass the Cranberries, please.
May your Stuffing be Tasty, May your Turkey be Plump.
May your Potatoes ‘N Gravy have Nary a Lump,
May your Yams be Delicious May your Pies take the Prize,
May your Thanksgiving Dinner stay off of your Thighs.
May your Thanksgiving be Blessed!!
THE JOURNEY SOON BEGINS–Thought I’d say my good-bye in my own weird way a little early as I?know you are busier than all get-out. This is an excerpt from the book about Meriwether Lewis, “Undaunted Courage” by Stephen E Ambrose, almost halfway through.??When it was written, their location was at Fort Mandan?in the center of North Dakota where they had just experienced one of the coldest winters ever recorded for the area.? The date was April 6 & 7, 1805.??The mis-spells were the way he actually wrote. It made me think of the journey you are about to begin. Sure your situation is not?closely comparable to his?but the anticipation must be.
April 6,Lewis predicted that the expedition would reach the Pacific Ocean that summer, then return as far as the head of the Missouri, or perhaps even as far as Fort Mandan, for the winter of 1805-6. He told Jefferson, “You may therefore expect me to meet you at Monachello in September 1806.”
Lewis’s concluding paragraph must be the most optimistic report from the field from an army officer about to set off on a great venture that any commander-in-chief ever received: “I can foresee no material or probable obstruction to our progress, and entertain therefore the most sanguine hopes of complete success. As to myself individually I never enjoyed a more perfect state of good health, than I have since we commenced our voyage. My inestimable friend and companion Capt. Clark has also enjoyed good health generally. At this moment, every individual of the party are in good health, and excellent sperits; zealously attatched to the enterprise, and anxious to proceed; not a whisper of discontent or murmur is to be heard among them; but all in unison, act with the most perfect harmoney. With such men I have everything to hope, and but little to fear.”
April 7,”Our vessels consisted of six small canoes, and two large perogues. This little fleet altho’ not quite so rispectable as those of Columbus or Capt. Cook, were still viewed by us with as much pleasure as those deservedly famed adventurers ever beheld theirs; and I dare say with quite as much anxiety for their safety and preservation. we were now about to penetrate a country at least two thousand miles in width, on which the foot of civillized man had never trodden; the good or evil it had in store for us was for experiment yet to determine, and these little vessells contained every article by which we were to expect to subsist or defend ourselves. however, as this the state of mind in which we are, generally gives the colouring to events, when the immagination is suffered to wander into futurity, the picture which now presented itself to me was a most pleasing one. entertaing as I do, the most confident hope of succeeding in a voyage which had formed a darling project of mine for the last ten years, I could but esteem this moment of my departure as among the most happy of my life.”
Send reports back to us like Lewis did to Jefferson – except by internet, not canoe, of course.? Have a wonderful journey, I’ll be wondering what you are up to.
–Helen
Aye, aye, Ms. Captain, ma’am. We’ll have reports weekly.–Bandit
FROM THE “SO TRUE” FILES–Michael the Dragon Master was an official in King Arthur’s court. He hada long-standing obsession to nuzzle the beautiful Queen’s voluptuousbreasts. But he knew the penalty for this would be death. One day herevealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio, who was the King’schief physician. Horatio said “I can arrange it, but I will need 1,000gold coins to pay bribes”. Michael the Dragon Master readily agreed.
The next day Horatio made up a batch of itching lotion and poured alittle of it into the Queens brassiere while she was taking a bath. Soonafter she dressed the itching commenced and grew in intensity. Uponbeing called to the royal chambers, Horatio told the King that only aspecial saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch,and that tests had shown such a saliva was only to be found in Michaelthe Dragon Master’s mouth.
King Arthur summoned Michael the Dragon Master and issued the imperialcommand. Michael the Dragon Master slipped the antidote to the itchinglotion, which Horatio had given him, into his mouth and for the nextfour hours worked passionately on the Queen’s magnificent breasts.Satisfied, he returned to his chamber and found Horatio demandingpayment.
However, with his obsession now satisfied, he refused to pay Horatioanything and shooed him away, knowing that Horatio could never reportthis matter to the King.
The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching lotioninto King Arthur’s loincloth. And Michael the Dragon Master was againsummoned by the King.
Moral of the story: Pay your bills.
–From Forrest
A FINAL JOKE–A man decided to buy a new telescope for his rifle.He goes to a rifle shop, and asks the clerk to show him a scope. The clerk takes out a scope, and says to the man, “This scope is so good, you can see my house all the way up on that hill”. The man takes a look through the scope, and starts laughing. “What’s so funny?” asks the clerk.
“I see a naked man and a naked woman running around in the house”, the man replies.
The clerk grabs the scope from the man, and looks at his house. Then he hands two bullets to the man and says, “Here are two bullets, I’ll give you this scope for nothing if you take these two bullets, shoot my wife’s head off and shoot the guy’s dick off”. The man takes another look through the scope, and says,
“You know what? I think I can do that with one shot!”
–from Rogue
TIME FOR TURKEY–I agree, not much to do with motorcycles, but what the hell. Just be thankful that I put anything together at all. I’ve now got a brother Hamster in the hospital due to a bad accident. We wish Domenic all the best, and a member of the Uglies is also down. We also wish him swift recovery. For all who are up, alive and riding, have a safe, comfortable and fulfilling weekend. Ride forever, Bandit.
