When I arrived in Houston, the cabby didn’t want to admit that he knew where the port was or how to get there. He nervously drove through the gates and down to the docks. It was dark and the docks were poorly marked, so we had to find markings on some of the ships. Actually, some were such rust buckets that markings and names were difficult to find. We finally reached the scow Leon, which was tied up beside collapsing buildings and next to a dock strewn with busted pallets and battered fork lifts. Some military construction equipment painted a dark green with camouflage treatment sat next to the ship with flat tires.
The cabby nervously waited beside his van as I unloaded my bags. Three short Filipinos in grease-soaked overalls ran down the rattling gang plank to snatch up my bags. I asked the cabby to hang to take me to town for grub, but he refused. As soon as my last bag was gone, he jumped back in his vehicle and split without even charging me. I didn’t even have a knife on me; they were still in my bags.
The gangplank was the first indication of the quality of vessel I was escaping on. It was constructed from aluminum angle iron some 30 years ago. The damn thing was only about a foot and a half wide. As it deteriorated, pieces of mild steel angle iron were bolted across it for strength and to keep crew from slipping. Even wood was screwed to it to fill holes. There were no railings, just rope pulled through rings andold netting that wouldn’t prevent anything from falling into the oily sewage between the ship and the pier.
The ship is 584 feet long and 85 feet wide. It belongs to the historic Rickmier line out of Hamburg Germany, but doesn’t carry a usual Rickmers name. The more I saw of the ship the more I knew why. Tramp Steamer is an accurate description. The first night aboard someone left the air conditioning on all night and we about froze to death. The next night the crew tried to cook us in our cabins. The officers are polish and the crew Philippino. The Captain speaks broken English and so does the steward. The Phillipinos don’t speak Polish and the Poles don’t speak Phillipino. This particular ships has six cranes and the same number of holds and each hold has several layers. It’s a general cargo ship which means it packs anything and everything all over the world. If they can hoist the motherfucker on board, they’ll take it. If there’s not room in the holds and they can strap it to the deck, they will. This in not generally a container ship, so it usually spends more time in port off-loading and loading more goods.
They were scheduled to depart on Tuesday and I was originaly planning to arrive on Monday and going to have dinner withBilly Tinney, the editor of Tattoo Magazine Monday, who lives in Houston and should be editing a magazine on antique gun sales. It’s better that I arrived on Saturday. Sunday after setting up my cabin I took a bus to downtown through the ghetto to the upscale shopping area to buy some much needed communications equipment and gym equipment for my cabin. Monday afternoon the Captain anxiously announced with five minutes notice that we were pulling out. We yanked for the docks by a tug and headed out the canal past Galveston and the Battleship Texas Memorial and into the Gulf of Mexico.
DEAR BIKER ABBY– Q: My husband wants a threesome with my best friend and me.
A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing — your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can bring you closertogether.
Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friendswithout you. If you’re still not sure then just perform oral on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.
Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.
A: Do it. Sperm can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day, then cook himanice meal.
Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys. A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. Anight out chasing young single girls is a great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it’s a great time to clean the house too)! Just look at how emotional and happyhe is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when hegets home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him anice meal.
Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to a man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much asyou should. He should never have to work to get you in the mood.
Stop beingso selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral on himand cook him a nice meal.
Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep never giving me one.
A: I’m not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you’ve forgotten to cook him a nice meal.
This is pretty good:
This was in the Washington Post… the title of the article was “BestCome Back Line Ever.”
In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence,22 year old white male resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch at11:38 p.m. on Friday.
Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, publicindecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse onMonday.
The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decidedto stop. “You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there wasno one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn’t,” hestated in a phone interview. Lawrence went on to say that he pulledover to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt wasappropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfyhis alleged “need”. “Guess I was just really into it, you know?” he commented with evidentembarrassment. In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice a Gwinnett Countypolice car approaching and was unaware of his audience until OfficerBrenda Taylor approached him.
“It was an unusual situation, that’s for sure,” said Officer Taylor. “Iwalked up to (Lawrence) and he’s… just working away at this pumpkin.” Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence.”I just went up and said, ‘Excuse me sir, but do you realize that youare copulating with a pumpkin?'” He froze and was clearly very surprisedthat I was there, and then looked me straight in the face and said, “Apumpkin? Damn …is it midnight already?”
Hey…Here’s some shots from our next issue, the James Gang shot is going on the cover. We shot Jesse and Gang in Cali a few months ago with his newest creation and some fox he found. There is also a very inside interview with Jesse and Frank Kozik. Its a killer issue as usual.
Geno “the pusha”
The Horse Rules
Cantina Soap Opera– Chapters are rolling in and the Cantina is heating up. You may not want to miss the action. Keep in mind that there’s a couple of writers involved in this program, so if she’s got blue eyes and long red hair in one chapter and she’s a short haired big titted dyke in the next I’m innocent.
Here are the latest Cantina winners. These lucky people win an signed copy of Orwell just for signing up in the Cantina.
Brian Rodgers of Allentown, PA
Terry & Julie McCarty of Bethpage TN
Wayne Wheat of Odessa, TX
Bern Meighen of Canton, Ohio
We also have a winner of the Cantina Door Prize Giveaway.
Thomas Brown wanted Bandit’s mouse pad since he won’t be around to use it. O.K. Brian, you got it. Don’t complain about the dirt on it because you could have asked for a new one. But Bandit’s old one it will be.
A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart’sbirthday and as they had not been dating very long, after carefulconsideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart’s younger sister, he went to Nordstrom’s and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, theclerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheartgot the panties.
Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note: “I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons but shewears short ones that are easier to remove.
These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearingfor the past three weeks and they are hardly soiled. I had her try yourson for me and she looked really smart. I wish I were there to put them on for you the first time as no doubt other hands will come in contactwith them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year!
All my love. P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.”
Narrows Saloon Calendar, Featuring Donnie Smith Custom Motorcycles
Top quality 17×24 – 12 month calendar features beautiful Minnesota locations, models and the extraodinary craftsmanship of Master Motorcycle Builder Donnie Smith.
An industry legend since 1971. Minnesota based Donnie Smith and his custom motorcycles have been feature in nearly every motorcycle publication both nationally and internationally as a master builder an patent holder. Named to the Sturgis National Hall of fame in 1995, Donnie Smith is not only tops in his field, but a great Minnesota institution.
Celebrate the open road, cool bikes and hot babes with this stunningly beautiful limited edition calendar.
Coming soon to The Bikernet Gift Shop! Watch for them.
When in Santa Paula, CA.,
You have to visit the California Oil Museum. Featuring “Bikes And Badges” Motorcycles of the Police & Military.
Exhibit runs from Nov. 4th. to Feb. 22, 2002.
We have two pair of Gift Passes to the first two emails two sinwu@earthlink.net. (Submit only if you know you can make it.)
Enjoy!
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