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SEA FARING ADVICE–Sounds like you’re doin’ it! Right up there with Jack London, butyou will be “The Sailor On Motorcycle.” Hop’a freighter outta Houston andhitch-hike ’round tha world. KOOL! Rent’a bike as ya go? Or take THEIRV-Rod?
Will ya go as a “gunner’s mate,” or will they hand ya a paint”chipper”:) Tell’em I said, “he can handle any job.” Ride On!
–Wino Joe
LIST OF POSSIBLE SLOGANS PROMOTING NATIONAL CONDOMWEEK–
1. COVER YOUR STUMP BEFORE U HUMP
2. BEFORE U ATTACK HER, WRAP YOUR WHACKER
4. WHEN IN DOUBT, SHROUD YOUR SPOUT
5. DON’T BE A LONER, COVER YOUR BONER
6. YOU CANT GO WRONG, IF U SHIELD YOUR DONG
7. IF YOU’RE NOT GOIN TO SACK IT, GO HOME AND WHACKIT.
8. IF U THINK SHE’S SPUNKY, COVER YOUR MONKEY
9. IF U SLIP BETWEEN HER THIGHS, BE SURE TO CONDOMIZE
10. IT WILL BE SWEETER IF U WRAP YOUR PETER
11. SHE WON’T GET SICK IF U WRAP YOUR DICK
12. IF U GO IN TO HEAT, PACKAGE YOUR MEAT
13. WHLE YER UNDRESSING VENUS, DRESS UP YOUR PENIS
14. WHEN U TAKE OFF HER PANTS AND BLOUSE, SLIP UP YOUR TROUSER MOUSE
15. ESPECIALLY IN DECEMBER, GIFT WRAP YOUR MEMBER
16. NEVER, NEVER DECK HER WITH AN UNWRAPPED PECKER
17. DON’T BE A FOOL, VULCANIZE YOUR TOOL
18. THE RIGHT SELECTION WILL PROTECT YOUR ERECTION
19. WRAP IT IN FOIL BEFORE CHECKING HER OIL
20. A CRANK WITH ARMOR WILL NEVER HARM HER
21. NO GLOVE, NO LOVE!
BIKERNET UGLY FINDINGS–The correspondents at Bikernet don’t just shuffle through press releases. They also dig into the lives of bikers and club members nationwide. Here’s a report from Carlo, a member of the Uglies, who with his wife, Emma, owned Auburn Harley-Davidson and are avid drag racers. Emma, a delightful woman, crashed recently. Here’s the inside story from husband and riding partner Carlo:
Some of you have been told that Emma was in an accident. She isrecovering well. We were on our way to her mother’s house to take themout for lunch. They live in West Point, Calif., which is north of Jackson, Calif., inthe mountain area. We were traveling down the last canyon before their house and came into a double turn. The first turn was asemi-blind turn and there was a big rig towing dump trailers on theyellow line. These roads are not very wide to begin with, so I movedover to clear the truck and cut off Emma so she couldn’t see the massive vehicle.
I was watching in the mirror as shewas on the edge of the pavement and just could not hold it. She rodethe shoulder in the gravel and rocks and was doing very well. She wasgetting the front wheel back on the pavement when the rear wheel caughta rut and started a slide. It appeared to catch and high side,slamming her hard. We are not sure if she hit the rocks with her faceor what happened, but her upper lip was split from the bottom of her nosedown and several teeth were knocked out.Of course I did the right thing and rode to the nearest bar for a drink. I won’t go into the gory details here. Other damages include a fractured left arm at the ball atthe shoulder socket, a couple compressed discs in the upper back,road rash and bruises. Her FLHTC has not been to the hospital atthis time. We are hoping for a full recovery for both, especially the motorcycle.
–Ugly Carlo
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EXCLUSIVE BIKERNET PHOTO–TALIBAN MISSILE–I just got this picture forwarded to me from a friend at CBS News of the damage that occurred from the first Afghan missile that just hit the USA.
–Markus Cuff
Bikernet Overseas Photog
CNN NEWS BULLETIN– At a hastily called press conference this morning, Taliban Minister of Emigration Mohammed Omar warned the United States that if any military action was taken against Afghanistan, Taliban authorities would not hesitate to cut off America’s supply of convenience store managers.
–Kyle
TWISTGEAR AND WIDEGEAR TRAPDOOR ASSEMBLIES–In response to repeated requests from builders and consumers for aless labor intensive installation, Johnson Engineering, the new leader inengineered drive train components for American V-Twins, announces theavailability of their helical transmission gearing in fully assembledtrapdoor sets.
Both the WideGear 30mm extension, as well as the original TwistGear, can beinstalled right out of the box in 1991 and up Softails, as well as otheraftermarket five-speeds using trapdoor transmission access.
Incorporating their breakthrough helical fifth-gear, the assemblies includeJohnson Engineering’s unique four-point bearings on both the counter andoutput shafts for unrivaled strength and reliability.
WideGear’s 30mm extension allows rear tire fitment of up to 230mm withoutoffsetting the wheel, engine, or transmission. Total additonal tire widthis a huge100mm when used with a chain final drive, or 60mm with a stockinch and a half rear belt.
The assemblies, featuring the superiority of a one-piece countershaft,install easily without removing the engine or transmission and should savethe average rebuilder at least two hours of labor, with the added benefitof precision factory adjustment.
Trapdoor sets include JE’s exclusive triple lip transmission oil seal andchamfered transmission spacer – guaranteed labor savers that drasticallyreduce the need for constant seal replacement.
WideGear assemblies include an extended clutch pushrod, compensatorsprocket and nut, engine and transmission spacers, a starter coupler, andan end support bearing in the compensator nut for use with a suitable outerprimary.
Softail assemblies are available immediately, while Dyna and FLapplications (call for specific model information) are built to order at aslight additional cost. Options include choice of trapdoor, finish, andfirst gear ratios.
Prices for TwistGear begin at $1,750, depending on application.
Contact Johnson Engineering for ordering information.
CALIFORNIA DREAMIN’–by a KeepAndBearArms.com LA correspondent
If you ever wondered if California was really La-la Land, really the ultimate PC state, wonder no more.California Gov. Gray Davis is so politically correct he apparently doesn’t believe in arming the very people he sends in harm’s way to defend the citizens of his state.
If you look at the photo from last Saturday’s Los Angeles Times (click for enlargement), first brought to our attention by Citizens Of America creative director Jim Houck, you can see that the guardsman is holding a rifle with no ammunition magazine. At most, this rifle has one cartridge in the chamber, but that is extremely doubtful. The message this photo sends to terrorists and copy-cat lunatics: This California airport is NOT protected by armed Guardsmen.
BIKERNET DAYTONA CORRESPONDENT REPORTS–Will be in and out of Daytona next week. Shit, it’s only a little over an hourride. I will get you some shots. Waiting to see what happens and what effect thecurrent world situation has on it.
Two reports so far: One guy said Main Street was dead and the stores won’topen until Wednesday; the other said the campgrounds were jammin’. Well I guess we will find out. Will try to get you an early story in.
–ROGUE
CHECK CUSTOM CHROME DEPARTMENT–We are working with Custom Chrome and expanding their department with a series of wide tire-related components from their catalog. We’ll be installing a Twin Cam wide tire kit in the near future and perhaps building a bike-in-a-box kit on Bikernet. Stay tuned.
SHORT TIMER–Since we’re packing for the desert run, we’ve got to get moving. Besides, she’s naked in the bedroom.
I’m looking forward to this weekend, to seeing lots of the bros and meeting hard-working Helen Wolfe for the first time. Sure, I’ll be glad to see the girls of Vegas, but when we return time is running out before the ship pulls out of Houston.
Next week we’ll be hooking up the satellite phone, so I’ll be online even in Hong Kong. That’s right, Bikernet doesn’t slow down just because I’m fooling with Oriental girls, although Sin Wu will be jealous as hell. Have a great weekend. –Bandit
Quiz Answer: It’s the bottom of the fifth and the bags are loaded!
