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BIKERNET/CCI PROJECT BIKE FOR NUTTBOY–Turn to the side and cough.

We threw the potentially radical chopper that Bandit and I have banged together up to this point, into the back of my pickup and jammed over to see the Doctor. Dr. John, the frame specialist took one look at the bike in the back of my truck and shook his head. Behind that scraggly beard and those beady blue eyes there is a wealth of experience. He’s seen a lot of biker hopes and dreams, sometimes nightmares, come through his Anaheim Hills shop. He’s managed to salvage most of them.

For more on the project see the garage or the Custom Chrome department.

MAXIM ON ALCOHOL–The mag for boys the pointed out how ridiculous it is to have “Proof” double what the actual alcohol percentage of a drink is. How’s that for lame? If your booze is 25 percent alcohol, then it’s 50 Proof.

It seems that back in the 18th century when moonshine making was state-of-the-art booze bakin’ they had to figure out a measuring system. They had no way of knowin’. To test it, they mixed gunpowder with an equal amount of that powerful liquid, the color of clear water, then struck a match to it. If it exploded, it was proof that the shit was a puissant mixture. Ultimately scientist discovered that if it popped that it had at least 50 percent alcohol which became known as 100 proof. According to their connection at the Jack Daniel’s factory, “This all happened out in the woods.”

BIKERNET DOES NOT DISCRIMINATE– Attention Southern CA Riders – Mark your calendar for May 25th… Be at the Anaheim Convention Center from 4PM-11PM to help the SRA with an all-new Sportbike Challenge Bike Show. Enter your bike or just come to see some of the best sportbikes. Awards will be given to best in show. See the SRA site for details and free passes!! Don’t miss this show… In addition to the bikes, there will be an Import Car contest and of course there will be the Super-Models.

What about the rest of the country… stay tuned… the SRA is planning to travel with this show across the country. We will keep you posted.

We released some fun and games at SportbikeS.com. Stop by and see how well you can do!

You said you could adjust a carb?

So what’s the problem officer?

When they said she was hot, they weren’t kidding.

BIKERNET FREEDOM FILM EXPLODES–with new images. If you want to see images from home or across the country the Freedom Film area is the place to go. From wild bikes to untamed women, it’s the joint to check out. Besides you can submit shots whenever you choose.

BIKERNET BIKE SHOW WINNER–Hey! Got a trophy and your book in the mail last night! Thanks, man!Started reading the book… I see a screenplay in there somewhere… Hey Iwant to pick your brain (or if you could direct me to other unbiased brainsto pick) about a motor choice.-Pete

Pete is looking for recommendations for engine choices: S&S, TP, RevTech, Merch. Let’s take a poll. Let me know what you’re running and how you like it?–Bandit

BROTHEL TRIP– An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.

“I’m 90 years old,” he says.

“90!” replies the woman.

“Don’t you realize you’ve had it?”

“Oh, sorry,” says the old man, “How much do I owe you?”

BIKERNET HANGOUTS AND SHOPS–We’re searching high and low for shops and hangouts to share with our traveling readers. We’re about to launch all the shops in the free area of the site for your easy access.

Hell, here’s a new hangout called JAVA JUNGLE, coffee shop and surf shack, 602 Pacific Coast Highway, Huntington Beach. It’s only one block north of the pier. One warning. The cops in that coastal berg have a bad anti-bike reputation. I’ve heard of shops that moved out of the city. Watch your ass.

THE SIDECAR CONNECTION–Are you into sidecars, looking to start, bought a family and need one. There’s a publication devoted to sidecar enthusiasts called Hack’d. They are located at P.O. Box 813, Buckhannon. WV 26201, hackd@sunlitsurf.com.

They’re motto is the Magazine For And About Sidecarists and their other omen is “Remember to RIDE OFTEN and then some more”. They cover the heart of riding a sidecar, the people, the events and tech advice.

It’s just a black and white newsletter type publication, but it’s full of heart, check it out.

ARLEN NESS’S NEW SITE Yes, the man who is blamed for every expensive, high-dollar, RUB, billet part on the planet has a new web site. I always find that class bullshit to be out of whack, especially when it comes to Arlen. He started as a mailman working in his garage building bikes and fighting with Bev, his wife about joinin’ a club, like the rest of us.

He’s good people, always has been, always will be. I don’t have to like all the parts he designs, but I still respect a man who works hard every day for what he built. So check out his site, goddamnit.

CONDOR CUSTOMS RETURNS–If you love choppers, art, manufacturing talent and live in the northwest, check Condors Customs. Tim drew the original touring chopper concept illustration for my red ride. He builds bikes with a unique twist. He’s the only builder on the planet to create the ultimate flame job. He set himself on fire in downtown Seattle traffic.

“Now lately I’ve made some decisions to do with ATF that have confused andpissed off a few people. It’s also gonna make what I’m doin’ a hell of a lotbetter…. This whole gig of mine is going to be built by art.” Tim said, “

My painting and design skills have benefited a hell of a lot from this”vacation” (?) I’ve been on. Fundamental truths have been revealed to me.”Conder Customs is alive once again. Drop him a line and go check out his place. You won’t be disappointed–

theConderosa@Hotmail.com

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So how are the teams broken up? Religious terrorists against the Franchise world. Full savings against low checking account balances and club brothers against club brothers. Ten years ago someone with a high degree of intellectual property told me that the next dispute in this country would be a class struggle. Is this it?

I personally find it strange. As Americans we have always celebrated the American way. A man of little means could become the President, if he so desired. A man who has the balls to invent a better mousetrap would be celebrated for his desire and drive.

Perhaps the terrorist attacks relit the warrior flame in clubs, but on the other hand street gangs have been at it ever since bike clubs wised up. Who the fuck knows?

I like the notion of men standing up for ourselves and having our own movement. On Sonny Barger’s site there’s a poll on prostitution. Some 86 percent of the people who filed out the questionnaire called for legalized prostitution.

It’s time men admitted that sex is different to us than it is to many women and for women to think they can control us and force us to be monogamous is against the make-up of man, so legalize prostitution, deal with it and Jerry Springer won’t have a job. We better get to the news before all hell breaks loose:

Can you believe that crap? Here?s a man with no less that three women in the headquarters at all times and he wants a prostitute. Hold up, three of us and only one of him? Shit, he needs to get us one; we?re the ones waiting for a turn! ~ Sin

Tattoos Are Back!–

BIKERNET RELIGIOUS MOMENT–Two nuns, Sister Catherine and Sister Helen, are traveling through Europe intheir car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the hood of thecar and hisses through the windshield.

“Quick, quick!” shouts Sister Catherine. “What shall we do?”

“Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination,” saysSister Helen.

Sister Catherine switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he hangs onand continues hissing at the nuns. “What shall I do now?” she shouts.

“Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water at theVatican,” says Sister Helen. Sister Catherine turns on the windshield washer.Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he still hangs on andcontinues hissing at the nuns.

“Now what?” shouts Sister Catherine?

“Show him your cross,” says Sister Helen.

“Now you’re talking,” says Sister Catherine.

She opens the window and shouts, “Get the fuck off the car!”

–from Nuttboy

BANDIT’S CANTINA UPDATE–The Cantina is coming alive with new episodes of the first Chance book, more Soap Opera segments, another Life And Times and we’re working on something else. I swear to God. It’s on the list.

We’re also in contact with a New York agent on the Chance Hogan series, but you and HORSE readers get to see the Chapters first. Ball also wrote a book initially called “Tides” while on his trip around the world. It’s made up of 32 chapters and 156,000 words and he says it’s his best effort yet. It is based on the Chance Hogan character series.

We are editing five chapters of “Tides” for the agent and will let Cantina members get a sneak preview in the next couple of weeks.

Great Escape Rally 2002 — The Desert Road Riders are gettinggeared up for their 2002 Rally, which they hope this year to be bigger andbetter. One of the many benefit runs they have throughout the year, theGreat Escape Rally being the major fundraiser for their end of year Toy Run.Last year the club was able to give toys and food to some 400+ children andtheir families during the toy run.

NEW MOTORCYCLE INSURANCE CARRIER–This Friday, May 17th, 21st Century Insurance will introduce their motorcycleinsurance by throwing a big bash and MC parade. They are located in theWarner Center in Woodland Hills – 6301 Owensmouth, just east of Topanga. Theevent begins at 11:00 am, and they would like the riders to arrive between11:05 – 11:10.

Joyce Prager, the event coordinator, would like to cue thegroup prior to arrival via her cell phone (I have her number). They arelooking for 21 riders, and if we’re successful, ECF, the Exceptional Childrens’ Foundation, will receive a $2,100donation. The Beach Ride also sponsors the ECF.

Let’s meet at Starbucks at 10:30 a.m. – it’s on the corner ofVentura and Topanga – on the north east corner in a shopping center facingTopanga. Please let me know if you will be able to join us – either by e-mailor here at my office 310 845-8062. My cell number is 310 251-5631 just incase. Thank you all!

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THE SEAT SEARCH–I received a request from a reader about an FLH seat upolstery job:— genosurf wrote: Hi. I am looking for an outfit that re-upholsters leather FLH seats. Maybe someone can refer me to them. I want to add the gel pads as well for those long hauls on the shovel. I am located in Downey, near Los Angeles, but ride frequently to Ornage and San Diego Counties.

I suggest that the reader see the Le Pera site on Bikernet, since Le Pera does it all and features gel padded seats. Since then I received the following:

CORBIN 1-800-538-7035 The #1
Bob Lapera 818-7675110 The #2
Saddle Man 1-800-397-7709
Bar Enterprisers, Andy Amador 818-353-3888
Danny Gray Does all Arlen Ness and Jesse James seats mega bucks

Think about taking it down to Tijuana. The craftsmenthere are excellent and they’ll do it for a fractionof the price. Make sure you shop around and look atthe shops work first. They usually have samples infront of their shops. They also have great leather.MP>–Andy Anderson

MADE MY DAY–I’ve been following your reads for years. Started readin Easyrider when I was 17, sad to see it runnin into troubles. (I bought stock thinking it would be safe, wrong again.) Anyway I’m glad your still deliverin’ for us bros. I bought and read Prize Possession and Outlaw Justice way back when. Now it’s time to buy Orwell, so I can keep up with you.

I have a request though. I’d like you to autograph my copy. Is that possible? If so how do I include my request with my order? I’d like you to address it to my son. He’s 3 and a half now but he’s definately a biker. Let me know and I’ll order it right away.

Ah fuck, I’ll order it even if you won’t sign it.

Glad your back from the world crusie and even more greatful that you bounced back from the deer encounter.

Thanks for keepin the faith and deliverin the goods.

Ride free – Rascal

I wrote Rascal back and told him that I would be glad to sign the book to his kid. I’ll sign any book, just request it when ordering.–Bandit

BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT–Another week has gone by, we are even closer to the Black Hills and therush is hitting hard, we need to get shit done by the 12th next month so wecan ship the whole thing over to the Ol ‘ USA. To top it off we are tryingto get something new for the Horse SMSO and it’s still on the drawingboard, so, we will have to super man it to be able to do it, yeap so what’snew ? I’m guessing that the bike will be a rigid and black, based on a Bourget’sframe, that’s all the info I am letting out, Bikernet will be the first tofeature the bike, that’s a promise.

By the time you read this the Desertores should be reaching Laconia intheir comfy, cd playing, full dress bikes (whimps)I wish them a safe trip and to have a hell of a time, maybe we will manageto get the true story from one of them upon their return.

I’ve heard a few more things about the Motorcycle Mania 3 show, but willwait for confirmation (unlike the Enquirer) before posting it here,remember you will get those news before anyone else. Unlike magazines weare able to report ASAP.

The Rolling Stones are on tour and we managed to score a couple tickets forMiami, Oct 23rd. It’s the week after Biketoberfest, uhmm, we might ride tothe concert, that would be fun. Would not mind riding aorund South Beacheither…..

Bourget’s Bike Works has a new web site address, it’sBourgetsbikeworks.biz, check those cool bikes out.

That’s about it for this week, anyway since there’s so many jokesaround …..This guy goes to the grocery store and gives the cashier a bag of potatochips a six pack and dip

The cute clerk looks at him and says “You must be single”

The guy says “Why, are youa genius? “

The girl goes, “Nope, because you’re fucking ugly”.

–Jose, Caribbean Bikernet.

BARTENDER– A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer.

“Certainly, sir, that’ll be 1 cent.”

“ONE CENT!” exclaims the guy.

The barman replies, “Yes.”

So the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks, “Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with chips, peas, and a fried egg?”

“Certainly, sir,” replies the bartender, “But all that comes to real money.”

“How much money?” inquires the guy.

“4 cents”, he replies.

“FOUR cents!” exclaims the guy. “Where’s the guy who owns this place?”

The barman replies, “Upstairs with my wife.”

The guy says, “What’s he doing with your wife?”

The bartender replies, “Same as I’m doing to his business.

That’s Powder from the Calendar Show Band–look out.?

HOT BIKE PRESENTS THE WHITE BROTHERS LOS ANGELES CALENDAR MOTORCYCLE SHOW SPONSORED BY BIKERNET.COM– Exciting 2-Day Weekend Streetbike Extravaganza set forJuly 20 -21st at the Queen Mary Event Park in Long Beach

The 2002 edition of the Hot Bike magazine sponsored White Brothers Los Angeles Calendar Motorcycle Show set for July 20-21st at the Queen Mary Event Park, Long Beach, CA, is really coming together with 130 major manufacturers and the leading custom bike builders from across America. Sponsored by Hot Bike, White Brothers, Performance Machine, Bikernet.com and The Recycler/Cycle Buys, and featured on the Speed Channel’s American Thunder, The LA Calendar Motorcycle Show has continued to grow every year to become the biggest and most popular streetbike show in America catering to the custom, cruiser and sportbike markets.

Exciting features at this year’s Show include an added celebrity host, legendary biker journalist Keith Ball, a.k.a. Bandit of Bikernet.com, together with our returning hostess, the lovely Brenda Fox.

Bikernet.com will also again be hosting the blowout Bikernet.com Party on Saturday night aboard the Queen Mary with a huge fireworks display. Last year’s party was a huge success with standing room only, lots of free Bikernet.com giveaways, and running until the wee hours of the morning.

And just to get things heated up beforehand, in the Event Park there will be a 6pm concert performance by LA’s hottest new performance show band Powder with lead singer Ninette. If you like the well known band No Doubt with lead singer Gwen Stefani, then the talents of Powder will blow you away even further with their electrifying stage performance and vocals focused on the beautiful Ninette in her Madonna-esque bikini costumes. Returning again this year by popular demand as the day-time band both days is the pop / jazz /salsa band Soto.

And of course, the Calendar Bike Show Show features the most competitive Bike Contest on the West Coast with it?s prestigious new Performance Machine Best of Show Trophy. Other activities include The White Brothers West Coast Horsepower Dyno Shootout, a FastDates.com Calendar Girl Pageant, and of course the premier of the 2003 FastDates.com Calendars with the beautiful calendar models in attendance. And one of the models will be Miss Great Britain Nicki Lane, who the weekend before will be one of our official SBK FastDates.com Girls at Laguna Seca World Superbike. (Nicki’s picture: http://www.FastDates.com/PLN.Images2002/PLN.Nicki250.jpg )

Spectators and Exhibitors can find out more about The LA Calendar Motorcycle Show, the Bike Contest and all the available weekend activities online at www.FastDates.com.

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BIKERNET CARRIBEAN REPORT–

Thank you, thank you, thank you…..to all those fans who wanted theirnews NOW ! It’s good to know we have loyal followers each week even thoughit’s just to check out the choppers. Now all kidding aside seems like lastweek our report was lost somewhere in cyber space, but Sin and Bandit foundand posted the elusive material, thanks.

Most of us know Myrtle Beach is taking place this week, we will be joiningthe crowd sometime next week so if we miss the report you know we arekicking it in the South Carolina shores.Will report on the happenings there as soon as I get back, and the policebehaviour since it’s the first event since Laughlin.Let’s see what happens…..

One more thing about Laughlin. They are charging a club member that firedthe shots but the other club member who died, did so because of stabwounds.????? Is it me or guns don’t stab people, knives do. It so happensthe two HA members who died did by gunshots…….So , the DA is claimingthat an HA shot his brothers ??? Good luck with that one. Too bad mediawill never give us the true story.

If you guys don’t read Your Shots, then we have some news for ya’. Billy Lane and Choppers Inc. will be featured in the Discovery Channel motorcycleMania 3. I’m so glad for him and if he is busy now, wait until the program airs…Billy will be riding with some friends from Florida to an undisclosedlocation. Maybe he will give us a call to join him…Uhmm, which Rigidchopper should I take ???

We also heard some rumors and I mean rumors that Orange County Chopperswere filmed also…….If the guys from Discovery are reading this….. Hey give us a call !!!!! we can get VIP treatment at our local strip joints….

We heard that over 200 bikes showed up at the HOG mother’s day ride…..Wetried to start up our jet skis to join them. Well I heard they had a goodtime, rain or not.

Now, I’m going to ask for a favor, we don’t have a Special Construction lawin Puerto Rico ( yeap it’s a major pain in the ass trying to register ahome built bike), but we are working with some legislators to make this lawhappen. If anyone has their state laws regarding this please e-mail them toJose@ChopperFreak.com or send them to 801 Fernandez Juncos, San Juan PR 00907.The actual law and procedures for registration will work…..Thanks inadvance.

We have been featuring some of our bikes each week, pretty soon Bandit andBikernet will have lots of our bikes in a section, soon grasshopper, soon.

Here’s another of our choppers, this one is for sale, Daytec Frame and H-D80 inch motor, lots of good components and yeap , it’s a rigid.Give is a shout if you want this baby…..$16,000.00 will make ityours…..

Oh well, I’m outta here, and I even managed not to give any sermons thisweek……I guess I’m kinda sad, Sin Wu asked for a spanking but Bandit didit instead……so I missed that one. Oh well, I can only daydream aboutthose silky smooth, oriental buns……

Hey Bandit how about a Caribbean Cruise the USS Minow isavailable…….Well , there’s always the Love Ride, and we all know whythey call it ” Love” ride…

Saludos…….

Jose.

A BIT OF HISTORY FROM THE BIKERNET LIBRARY– In the heyday of sailing ships, all war ships and many freighterscarried iron cannons. Those cannon fired round iron cannon balls. It was necessary to keep a good supply near the cannon. But how to prevent them from rolling about the deck?

The best storage method devised was a square based pyramid with one ball on top, resting on four resting on nine which rested on sixteen.

Thus, a supply of thirty cannon balls could be stacked in a smallarea right next to the cannon. There was only one problem-how to prevent the bottom layer from sliding/rolling from under the others. The solution was a metal plate called a “Monkey” with sixteen round indentations. But, if this plate was made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it. Thesolution to the rusting problem was to make “Brass Monkeys.”

Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts much more and muchfaster than iron when chilled. Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannon balls would come right off the monkey. Thus, it was quite literally, “Cold enough to freeze theballs off a brass monkey!”

CALIFORNIA HELMET REPEAL MOVES–This is from Jean Hughes, Legislative Director for ABATE of California. They havea helmet repeal bill pending that would allow them to ride without a helmet ifthey carry $1 million worth of insurance.

After much discussion nationwide, I have taken the opposite position of most onthe “list”. The “list” consensus is that once enacted, the “insurance mandate”will run wild across the country and we’ll all be fighting it in our ownlegislatures.

I believe we will be in this fight soon regardless of what happens in California.California, as a state, know their predicament better than I do. Who am I to tellthem that I won’t help because I personally don’t believe in an “insurancemandate”? As a sovereign state and a sovereign organization – California andABATE of California are free to do as they wish.

ABATE of California is asking for help. I’ll leave it up to you individually todecide for yourselves.

–spotmanJs1lilhd@aol.com wrote:

Bill (AB2700, sponsored by Dennis Mountjoy) reads as follows: “Under existing law, it is unlawful for any person to operate a motorcycle, motor-driven cycle, or motorized bicycle if the driver or passenger is not wearing a safety helmet. Existing law also makes it unlawful to ride as a passenger on a motorcycle if the driver or any passenger is not wearing a safety helmet.

This bill would limit the above helmet provisions to drivers and passengers who are 20 years of age or less. This bill would provide that a person who is 21 years of age or older may operate or ride as a passenger on a motorcycle, motor-driven cycle, or motorized bicycle without a helmet only if he or she has proof of at least $1,000,000 in medical insurance on his or her person.”

Since our victory in Assembly Transportation on 4/22 the legislators have been playing games with the bill, threatening re-referrel to appropriations, etc…well, yesterday the Rules Committee voted to send the bill on to the full assembly floor. This is likely to happen in the next 10 days…so, if your folks could please let the assembly know that you support AB2700, and that you will start riding in CA and spending your tourist dollars here…that is great…feel free to inform/educate them too …i.e., helmets don’t prevent accidents, etc…

It would be great if we could swamp the following members with letters (faxed or emailed), emails, and phone calls…THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP !!!

Thomas Calderon, assemblymember.calderon@assembly.ca.gov, 916-319-2058, fax 916-319-2158

Dennis Cardoza, dennis.cardoza@assembly.ca.gov, 916-319-2026, fax 916-319-2126

Tony Cardenas (thanks for voting in our favor on 4/22), assemblymember.cardenas@assembly.ca.gov, 916-319-2039, fax 916-319-2139

Ellen Corbett, assemblymember.corbett@assembly.ca.gov, 916-319-2018, fax 916-319-2118

Lou Correa, assemblymember.correa@assembly.ca.gov, 916-319-2069, fax 916-319-2169

Dean Florez, assemblymember.florex@assembly.ca.gov, 916-319-2030, fax

916-319-2130

Dario Frommer, assemblymember.frommer@assembly.ca.gov, 916-319-2043, fax 916-319-2143

Robert Hertzberg, robert.hertzberg@assembly.ca.gov, 916-319-2040, fax 916-319-2140

Jerome Horton, assemblymember.horton@assembly.ca.gov, 916-319-2051, fax 916-319-2151

Christine Kehoe, (this one has always indicated support, but won’t vote in favor), assemblymember.kehoe@assembly.ca.gov, 916-319-2076, fax 916-319-2176

John Longville (voted in our favor 4/22), assemblymember.longville@assembly.ca.gov, 916-319-2062, fax, 916-319-2162

Geroge Nakano (voted in our favor 4/22, 5/2) assemblymember.nakano@assembly.ca.gov, 916-319-2053, fax 916-319-2153

Lou Papan, lou.papan@assembly.ca.gov, 916-319-2019, fax 916-319-2119

Sarah Reyes, assemblymember.reyes@assembly.ca.gov, 916-319-2031, fax 916-319-2131

Carl Washington, carl.washington@assembly.ca.gov, 916-319-2052, fax 916-319-2152

Herb Wessen (Speaker of the Assembly), speaker@assembly.ca.gov, 916-319-2047, fax 916-319-2147 If you are only going to contact one person, this is the man !!

Patricia Wiggins, patricia.wiggins@assembly.ca.gov, 916-319-2007, fax 916-319-2107

Rod Wright, assemblymember.wright@assembly.ca.gov, 916-319-2048, fax 916-319-2148

There you have it…any contact is good…thanks again…Jean

Who has a million bucks in insurance. Texas repealed their helmet law with $10,000 in insurance and so did a couple of other states. What’s the deal?

A good friend will come bail you out of jail, but a really true friend will be sitting next to you saying, “That was fucking awesome….”

BIKERNET CITIZEN SURVEY FINDINGS– When you finish reading this article about bikers, your blood will beboiling. If you want to respond for phone numbers and e-mail addresses,click on ——> Sentinel &Enterprise, then click on “Info/Feedback.”

Even though I’d like to respond with an “F” word in every sentence,I’ll respond VERY professionally. The writer obviously thinks we’re allscum bags, riding with a buzz on, so when I respond to this jerk, I will besure to put on my English professor hat! Poet

Monday, May 06, 2002 – 5:21:53 AM MST

Of springtime, bikers, and starch

By Paul Wieland, executive director of Fitchburg Community Television.They come as if the results of a warm day’s hatch. If you’re caughtunawares, they seem to fill your senses, buzzing angrily and clouding yourvision; swarming around you and threatening to attack. They are certain harbingers of full spring in New England. May flies? Black flies? Yellow jackets? Mosquitoes? None of the above. For it’s the time of the biker of which we speak, the phalanxes ofmotorcyclists who hit the roads as spring takes away black ice, and replacesit with black mood when one is stuck behind columns and rows of the bikerscareening down the tarmac. Perhaps this is being too harsh.We all have been told of thewonderful things biker groups do to serve their communities, raising moneyfor good causes, holding Marlon Brando look-alike contests. We realize they serve as a rough-edged form of population control,as the wildest sub-species of bikers annually spins itself into oblivionagainst dozens of New England trees and Massachusetts stone walls. Those of us familiar with the annual Darwin Awards, which go topeople who kill themselves in most creative and stupid ways, find there’s awho genre of bikers who are Darwin candidates every day .Consider riding down Route 12 heading north towards New Hampshireand finding oneself being passed on a blind curve by an idiot on amotorcycle who is weaving by you and other drivers at 20 miles per hourfaster than traffic is moving.

Scares the hell out of you, doesn’t it?

No, whatever it is that drives men and women to buy and drivemotorcycles on public rights-of-way, it isn’t common sense. Unless commonsense is not seriously considering how fast one can die when thrown from theseat of a speeding Harley which suddenly stops speeding before your bodydoes…? 1999-2001 MediaNews Group, Inc. and Mid-States Newspapers, Inc.

–from MaryAnn Leger, member of Women On Wheels and Poet.

I cut a substantial portion of this article because I’ve read cute little idiotic attacks on motorcyclists all my adult life. They always smack of someone who knows no passion for life, never takes a risk or places their safety in jeopardy. In other words, they just don’t get it.–Bandit

BIKERNET RELATIONSHIP LESSON– A forty-ish woman was at home happily jumping on her bed and squealing with delight Her husband watches her for a while and asks, “Do you haveany idea how ridiculous you look? What’s the matter with you?

“The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says “I don’t care. I just came from the doctor and he says I have the breasts of an 18 year-old.”

The husband said, “What did he say about your 44 year old ass?”

“Your name never came up,” she replied.

–from Chris T.

SUGARBEAR ON RAKE AND TRAIL–Here’s a shot of a Sugarbear rocker. He uses his rockers as part of his custom formula to create the ideal rake and trail for handling. Over the next couple of weeks we’ll show you how it works in the Bikernet Garage.

MORE ON RELATIONSHIPS FROM BIKERNET–Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor said, “We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks.” The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.

The pastor asked the elderly couple, “Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?” The old man replied, “No problem at all, Pastor.”

“Congratulations! Welcome to the church!” said the pastor.

The pastor asked the middle-aged couple, “Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?”

The man replied, “The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights, but yes, we made it.”

“Congratulations! Welcome to the church!” said the pastor.

The pastor then asked the newlywed couple, “Well, were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?”

“No Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks,” the young man replied, sadly.

“What happened?” inquired the pastor.

“My wife was reaching for a can of paint on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust, seeing her in that position, and took advantage of her. We made mad passionate love right there.”

You understand, of course, this means you will not be welcome in our church,” stated the pastor.

“We know,” said the young man, “we’re not welcome at Home Depot anymore, either.”

HarleyPics.com update–The site has just been updated with a new feature.20 photos of the new VROD Custom, “Super Street” from Speed PointGermany.Direct Link : http://www.harleypics.com/feature_bikes/vrod/bike.htm

There is also a new Screensaver of the VROD Custom bike for PC owners.Direct Link : http://www.harleypics.com/desktop/screen/screen.htm

And to finish up a Desktop wallpaper of the new bike.Direct Link :http://www.harleypics.com/desktop/wallpaper/wallpaper.htm

Enjoy the new content and let us know what you think.

–Craig Stuart,HarleyPics.com

WE’RE BURNIN’ DAYLIGHT–We have an agent for Randall’s books and he’s got us churnin’ and burnin’ out chapters of the new books, outlines and synopsis for publishers.

The IMB Dojo was packed full of cops this week with guest officers from Hamburg, Germany. We’re contemplating taking boxing classes on Friday night. One of the masters, Brad, Layla’s brother is encouraging me to attend. He will run us through eight drills on various sized bags before we get in the ring. He promised that in six months I’d be able to kick the blond’s ass. I signed up on the spot. Let’s ride–Bandit.

This news will be short because some of the crew are headed south to New Orleans to monitor the Confederation of Clubs meetings at the annual NCOM meeting in the French Quarter. There’s bound to be a surprise news flash next week.

One more thing, before we launch into the news. As you know the Bikernet headquarters are located in a multi-rise, ivory tower in the very center of the Los Angeles Post financial district, but since a certain blond knockout entered the picture my in-house gym was moved to a less spacious location. Here’s what I was left to face upon my return from the prison ship. Now, let’s get to the news:

SAMSON SEEKS RIG RIDER–The president of Samson Exhaust and the chairman of the board, Mr. Samson, himself called and told us in no uncertain terms to supply him with a new big rig driver for their brand new, high dollar, luxury (from chromed exhaust pipes) Samson Rig. You’ll have to attend every major motorcycle event in the country. I know, it’s tough duty, just report in goddamnit and make it snappy. Drop me a resume and I’ll pass it on, if it’s worth a shit: Bandit@bikernet.com.

SCREAMIN’ EAGLE NHRA TEAM CONTINUES COMPETITIVE TESTING EFFORTS– The Screamin’ Eagle/Vance & Hines National Hot Rod Association (NHRA) Pro Stock Bike drag racing team continued to make technical advances during the NHRA Summit Southern Nationals in Commerce, Ga., this weekend. Although the team did not qualify for the Sunday show, they remain confident of the potential of the program to become competitive in the series.

Cold, rainy conditions hampered the entire event and shortened Pro Stock Bike qualifying to just three rounds. After a first round mechanical, the Screamin’ Eagle Team netted a second round qualifying effort of 7.644 seconds at 166.48 MPH and a third round time of 7.619 seconds at 167.18 MPH. The “bump” to make Sunday’s show was a 7.349 elapsed time (E.T.).

“We gained a lot of valuable knowledge this weekend. The team has been busy working through technical issues, including tuning the new electronic fuel injection system,” said Mike Kennedy, director of Harley-Davidson Parts and Accessories Marketing. “We solved some of the issues which are expected in an all-new program, and we gained insight into others. Obviously, we have a long way to go to achieve our goals of qualifying and becoming competitive in this field. But we’re confident we have the best in the business working on this program.”

The team will continue testing in preparation for the Matco Tools SuperNationals in Englishtown, N.J. on May 16-19.

POSITIVE CLUB ACTION–HOUSTON, TX: Well, with that news about those few (and it really is a few) club problems,here’s a little POSITIVE perspective: In Houston, Texas, a group of citizens is workingto rehabilitate run down areas in the 136 year old Fifth Ward and Denver Harborneighborhoods. For starters, eight homes belonging to some old folks like me will berenovated and put in sparkling shape. Workers include hundreds of Conoco volunteers, andmembers of Motorcycle Clubs, including United Bikers, the Street Lords, and The ChosenFew. The bikers are working side-by-side with the St. John’s Baptist Church, the City ofHouston, the Mormon church; even with the Houston Police. Now that’s the image we wannabe working on. Congratulations, all of you hard working people!

For more legislative news go to the Bikers’ Rights Department.

TRIUMPH’S NOT DOWN FOR THE COUNT–A brand new motorcycle factory is being built by Triumph Motorcycles inHinckley, U.K. on the site destroyed in a recent fire. Production is expected to resumeby the start of September 2002. The new facility is said to be the most advanced in theworld. Hoorah!

FROM THE BIKERNET FARMING DEPARTMENT–A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for hischicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says,”OK old fart, time for you to retire.”

The old rooster replies, “Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of thesechickens. Look what it has done to me. Can’t you just let me have the twoold hens over in the corner?”

The young rooster says, “Beat it! You are washed up and I am takingover.”

The old rooster says, “I tell you what, young stud. I will race youaround the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over theentire chicken coop.”

The young rooster laughs, “You know you don’t stand a chance old man, sojust to be fair I will give you a head start.”

The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later, the youngrooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of thefarmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He is already about 5inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast.

The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porchwhen he sees the roosters running by. He grabs up his shotgun and BOOM!He blows the young rooster to bits.

The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, Dangit… third gay rooster Ibought this month.”

Moral of the story…Respect your elders …. age and wisdom can overcome youth and skill!

NUTTBOYS PROSTREET UP ON TWO WHEELS–This is the basis for the new Bikernet project bike. The plan is to shrink this sucker with the assistance of Dr. John and the Bikernet Garage. While the good doctor cuts the neck and moves it down and toward the front head we will cut an 1.5 out of the swingarm. So the project begins.We’ve made contact with a Porche restoration specialist who is a master of body work and sheet metal design. He’s also designing headers that will flatten and hide. Erst is a genius and we’ll see what he has in mind for pipes and perhaps a tank. This one is going to be fun. Hang on.

Continued On Page 2

From The GUNNY’S SACK

DONNYBROOK, IRELAND: Well, that’s actually just where the name comes from, and it’s cometo mean a “free-for-all,” and we in the biker community sure had ourselves a littleDonnybrook in Laughlin, Nevada, just before this here Sack went to press. Now it seemsthat officials from Harley-Davidson have had to cancel a motorcycle festival planned inOld Bridge, New Jersey this summer. The town’s worried about violence, basically. Damn. More than 150,000 people were expected to attend Harley’s “Open Road Tour” show, plannedfor August 16-18 at Raceway Park.

These and other good people are put off by the threat of violence in their home town. Other motorcycle events are also being cancelled or held under tighter security andheavy scrutiny by law enforcement. And it’s not like ANY community of people is free ofviolence. But when it’s this public, it’s no wonder Big Brother wants us off the roads.

We’ve made SO MUCH PROGRESS, especially with the Confederations of Clubs around theUnited States and Canada, with NCOM’s help. These Confederations afford a platform forALL bikers – clubs in particular – to have a voice, a line of communication, and MOST ofall, a VOICE for JUSTICE for ALL bikers, in the courts. This episode won’t go unnoticed,and it may set us back JUST a bit, but nobody’s gonna give up the struggle, because weall lose if we do. Peace to all, that’s all I can say.

NEWS BITS’N PIECES:

FROM THE GRAND RAPIDS PRESS comes this jewel. Prayers for the road: Lakeshore’s firstBlessing of the Bikes drew hundreds of scooter people. “Blessing of the Bikes” hasbecome somewhat of a tradition all over the country. It happens in the Springtime whenmost of us getting our putts outta hybernation and shined up for the start of the ridingseason. It’s a good thing, folks, and we could all use some divine help in the trafficwe ride in nowadays.

These are real family type gatherings that everyone can enjoy, and even if it is a littlecold and rainy, the warm fuzzys you get from it are well worth it.

NEWNAN, GA: A brand new motorcycle factory is being built by Triumph Motorcycles inHinckley, U.K. on the site destroyed in a recent fire. Production is expected to resumeby the start of September 2002. The new facility is said to be the most advanced in theworld. Hoorah!

HOUSTON, TX: Well, with that news about those few (and it really is a few) club problems,here’s a little POSITIVE perspective: In Houston, Texas, a group of citizens is workingto rehabilitate run down areas in the 136 year old Fifth Ward and Denver Harborneighborhoods. For starters, eight homes belonging to some old folks like me will berenovated and put in sparkling shape. Workers include hundreds of Conoco volunteers, andmembers of Motorcycle Clubs, including United Bikers, the Street Lords, and The ChosenFew. The bikers are working side-by-side with the St. John’s Baptist Church, the City ofHouston, the Mormon church; even with the Houston Police. Now that’s the image we wannabe working on. Congratulations, all of you hard working people!

ST. JAMES PALACE, ENGLAND: When we say here in the Sack that bikers are a very diversegroup, HERE’S the topper on that poop: Prince William rides. That is, we’re talkin’ oneof the possible successors to the Throne of the British Empire. And like my boss SamHochberg might say, “that ain’t chopped liver.” The PA News story tells us that theyoung prince has had his endorident, take advantage of the services these fine peopleoffer us. Your A.I.M. attorneys are available by calling the toll free nationwidehotline at 1-800-ON-A- BIKE, or online at www.on-a-bike.com. Sam Hochberg, our OregonA.I.M. attorney is available out of Portland. He will take good care of you as will anyother A.I.M. attorney in the country.

Keep the round side on the bottom.Gunny, Oregon A.I.M. Chief of Staff

Continued From Page 3

BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT–Man we are already in May ! Time does fly, Summer is around the corner andall the motorcycle events that come with it. Even with the latest Laughlinevents I bet is going to be a fun packed season, and let’s not forget thatSturgis is just around the corner.It seems like yesterday when Bandit told us that he was heading around theworld, that was September I believe, meanwhile we keep posting week afterweek and trying to find new things and issues to write about, although onething I don’t seem to run out of are bikes.

Shit! Things are so hectic thatwe miss stuff that it’s right in front of us, we have four of the WCC bikescompleted and several Bourget’s and BMC’s on the road, but now it’s time tobuild one of our bikes, for guess who ? Me.

That ’65 Panhead is going into some frame, soon, still don’t know who’s butsounds like Killer Choppers in New Hampshire will be the one. Still don’tknow the rake or stretch, and I’m open to suggestions (so use Your Shot ! ) Most likely it will be a 230 tire on the rear with a 4-spd kicker. Againsend your thoughts to Your Shot and money to us.

As I promised last week here’s a photo of my personal ride, 10 inches overdowntubes, 51 degree rake and 7 inches on the backbone, 96 cubes of STD andS&S Panhead motor, on a Bourget’s rigid, yep rigid, frame, just for kicks,the inverted Spyke front end is 52 inches long. Hope you like it.

It’s a sad time, fellow bikers have lost their lives in Laughlin this pastweek, as we all know the Hells Angels and Mongols had a melee which ended inshootings, several wounded and some dead. Many were arrested,though few charged since everything was taped by the casino cameras.Another fellow biker was found dead on I-40 in what seemed like a drive byshooting.

I’m not going to say that it’s senseless, since sometimes this is part ofthe life of a 1%?er, but seems odd that in this time of unity(since Sept 11th) people are fighting each other instead of the actualenemy. But things will not end up there and sadly there will be more”encounters” between these clubs, and more phone calls will be placed tofriends to find out about their well being.

Places like Sturgis and Laconia could turn into a nightmare of super duperpolice vigilance, if we thought they were bad before, wait ’till this year.It’s going to be Hell !

Ina morbid, funny sense there’s a lesson to be learned. When peopleattend these motorcycle events they believe in their relative safety. Theyinvolve themselves in this world of leather and iron. They play the role ofbad ass bikers with bad ass bikes. Nope this was no Wild Ones, nor anyother biker flick. This was the real world, baby. When those real bulletszing by you, you hit the deck and pray. This was everyday reality to those wearing Colors. Reality came in the form of .45 or .9mm bullets, this weekend. It was a wake upcall for those wearing the latest leather styles, and talk the talk. The Hells Angels ain’t fuckin’ HOG.

Back to the island. This weekend HOG San Juan will have their annual Mother’s Day ride, sincewe don’t ride with them I really don’t care if they have fun …….Well, sort of kidding aside, they will head from the northern coast up intothe mountains, will report next week about it, maybe.

Reports of “Motorcycle day” at our local race track poured into the shop,seems like a solid big twin attendance, although the Yamakakis werecreating mayhem, as always. Seems like the fun part was the ride in andride back, and people ask us why we don’t bother to go….

The HORSE issue 24 is already out , check for it and that nice ass on thecover. The Professor should check all those rigids in it….

Also for those whining about RIGIDS, here’s a photos of a BMC Notorious918. This chopper can be yours for less than 20 grand at your localdealer…….and you can even finance the damn thing !

Well I’m outta here, it’s time to get our asses in gear and get thosechoppers ready for Sturgis. We have to meet with Billy Lane in Jacksonvilleand blast the interstate to the Horse SMSO, a 124 S$S motor sounds like theticket……8 inches up, 45 degree, rigid chopper, uhhmm, better get thehell out of here and into the shop…..I see a new chopper brewing.

PS: I’m glad our Frisco friends are doing fine and were unharmed. Peaceguys !

PSS: Any fan mail or t-shirts Jose @ChopperFreak.com Any hate mail sendit to Bandit.

–Jose – BikernetCaribbean report

BIKERNET MUSIC DEPARTMENT–It’s been rough since losing my mom on December 15th but I’m getting back on my feet again. There are some positives coming up: We’re in final negotiations with Curb Records for a 24-track retrospective CD plus a couple of great shows. The one on May 24th is the second “Arrows”/”Seeds” bill, the first was in 1967!!

Thanks,
Davie www.davieallan.com

Upcoming Shows:
Friday, May 24th
With Sky Sunlight Saxon’s Seeds
Mr. T’s Bowl
5621 1/2 No Figueroa St.
Highland Park, CA
(323) 256-7561

“Chopped Out” (Chopper Art Show)Saturday, June 8th

free sundown gig at5IFTYBUCKS GALLERY
(Pomona Arts Colony)
475 West 2nd Street
Pomona, CA 91766

THE FIVE FLOORS–The Five FloorsA group of girlfriends went on vacation and they saw a five-story hotelwith a sign that reads “For Women Only”. Since they were without theirboyfriends, they decide to go in.

The doorman explains to them how itworks, “We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find whatyou are looking for, you can stay there. It’s easy to decide, sinceeach floor has signs telling you what’s inside. The only rule is, onceyou leave a floor, you can’t return to it.”

They start going up, and on the first floor the sign reads: “All themen here are horrible lovers, but they are sensitive and kind”. Thefriends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the Second floor reads: “All the men here are wonderfullovers, but they generally treat women badly”. This wasn’t going to do,so again they head for the stairs.

The friends move up to the Third floor where the sign reads: “All themen here are great lovers and sensitive to the needs of women”.

Thiswas good but there were still two more floors, so they continue upwardknowing they cannot come back to this floor.

On to the Fourth floor, the sign was perfect: “All the men here haveperfect builds; are sensitive and attentive to women; are perfectlovers; they are also single, rich and straight”.

The women seemed pleased but they decide that they would rather seewhat the fifth floor has to offer rather than settling for the fourth.After all, if it gets better with each floor.

When they reach the fifthfloor, there is only a sign that reads:”There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that thereis no way to please a woman”.

HORSE MAGAZINE SUMMARY–The Smoke Out is rapidly approaching; so keep your calendars open. Edge is doing a fantastic job and by the looks of things, this event will live in infamy. If you haven’t already made plans, what the hell is wrong with you?

Feedback…As you get the new issues, I need feedback. If you see something that jumps out as real good or bad, tell me. I can always blame Geno, so I can take the hit. Any ideas send them my way. What I really need are good bikes. There isn’t shit here in Detroit, so help! I’m starting issue 26 right now and have all the space in the world to jam the most I can into the issue. Let’s make 26 the banner issue in terms of the cover and content.

I may be prejudiced, but I think the layouts are getting better and better. The font choice, shadowing and so on are first class. The spelling errors are still there, but we’re trying. It’s not that I’m stupid, I just can’t catch them all. Ok, maybe I am a bit stupid at times, but I should be able to catch those spelling errors.

OK….let’s get back to work……

–Hammer

Ah big mistake boss man. Bike magazines are never work. –Bandit

Bike For Sale

Rhonda

THE BARRACKS DOOR– Barracks Door A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down, and his fly wide open. A lady cashier walked up to him and said, “Your barracks door is open.”

This is not a phrase men normally use, so he went on his way looking a bit puzzled.

When he was about done shopping, a man came up and said, “Your fly is open.” He zipped up and finished his shopping, and remembering what the cashier had told him, finally understood. He then intentionally got in the line to check out where the lady was that told him about his “barracks door.” He was planning to have a little fun with her. When he reached her counter he said, “When you saw my barracks door open did you see a soldier standing in there at attention?”

The lady thought for a moment and said, “No, no I didn’t. All I saw was a disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags.

–from Bob T.

BIKERNET BIKE SHOW WINNERS–from February and March received a collection of posters of some of Bandit’s bikes along with a signed copy of Orwell, Bikernet stickers and their exclusive 5-Ball trophy.Jay Rivera wrote the following about the posters. “I’d like to thank you for the posters of your collection of Bikers. They’re great scoots. My jealous ol’ lady got ahold of them ad ripped ’em up, because of the beautiful chicks. Well, the good news is I got rid of the ol’ lady because of that and a couple of other things I won’t discuss. Could you send me more?”

HALF PRICE ON SHOTS OF JACK TONIGHT–Damn, I got distracted by that witchy blond this sunny afternoon while I was thinking of Jack Daniels and the convention for the National Coalition of Motorcyclists in New Orleans that’s coming up. She whispered something in my ear about pussy and drug me away from the computer. I couldn’t resist.

It dawned on me that I hadn’t written a conclusion for this mess, that Layla would soon return, bust my ass and want to post the news. I needed a shot of Jack Daniels for inspiration. I’m stiff from Pilipino stick fighting lessons yesterday, and discovered that half the class is LAPD. What’s up with that? I need a ride. –Bandit

Continued From Page 2

DEALS ON PARTS–The inside connection. Anytime you are ready for a new project bros, just let me know. I always have a bunch of stuff that I can’t afford to keep around very long. I am a machinist full time and sell chopper parts on the side to try and finance my (chopper) “habit”. Ride safe…

Aric Heckman
Heckman Customs
812-569-4876
raheckman@cunn.com

BIKERNET RELATIONSHIP ADVICE–After a long night of making love with a woman he’d picked up at abar, the young guy rolled over and was looking around when he noticeda framed picture of another man. The guy began to worry. “Is thisyour husband?”

“No, silly,” she replied, snuggling up to him.

“Your boyfriend then?” he asked.

“No, not at all,” she said, nibbling away at his ear.

“Well, who is he then?” asked the bewildered guy.

The girl replied, “That’s me before the surgery.”

VICTORY MOTORCYCLES CELEBRATES FOURTH ANNIVERSARY–With ‘Homecoming’ Ride to the Birthplace of the Bikes.On the Fourth of July in 1998, most folks in northern Iowa enjoyed summer pleasures like time at the beach, family picnics, ball games, and holiday parades. But inside the Polaris manufacturing facility on the north side of Spirit lake, Iowa, a group of a dozen Polaris employees gathered on their day off to make history: They assembled the first-ever Victory Motorcycle.

When the Antares Red V92C rolled off the assembly line that summer day, the Victory Motorcycle Division of Polaris Industries became the first new company in more than 60 years to design and build motorcycles in the United States.To help celebrate the motorcycle division’s fourth anniversary, and to provide Victory owners with a chance to get together to swap stories and compare bikes, Victory will host the first-annual “Victory Homecoming” at its Spirit Lake facility on May 4. Riders from across the United States and Canada will roll into the Midwest for the event. Just before noon on May 4, they will gather in Jackson, Minnesota, so they can into Spirit Lake together. Rolling into the assembly plant’s parking lot, they will launch the Homecoming event with a thunderous chorus of the distinct Victory exhaust note.(Details about the Victory Homecoming are available at www.victory-usa.com.)

During the Victory Homecoming riders can enter a custom Victory ride-in show, demo rides on 2002 Victory models, factory tours to see 2002 models being built, the chance to ride in the scenic Iowa Great Lakes countryside, and the special camaraderie shared by motorcyclists who ride Victory, “The New American Motorcycle.”

They’ll also celebrate four years of development and growth for the motorcycle division, which is enjoying a surge of sales success this year. The four Victory models in the 2002 lineup are powered by a new engine, the Freedom V-twin, which delivers 25% more power, 10% better fuel economy, and, the Victory catalog reports, “100% better styling” than previous Victory engines. This smoother, more-powerful engine and the introduction of two well-equipped Touring Cruiser models have figured significantly in the division’s strong sales increase in early 2002.

“We are off to a very good start in the first quarter for Victory motorcycles with retail sales to consumers more than double that of last year’s first quarter,” Polaris President and CEO Tom Tiller said recently. “The Victory business unit is gaining traction. The new Freedom V-twin engine, our first model aimed at the touring cruiser market segment, and a dealer network that is getting stronger each quarter are a few of the reasons for my optimism. We fully expect to build on the momentum generated this quarter.”

BIKERNET ISLAND ADVICE– A man is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, “It’s not a ship.” The speck gets a little closer and hethinks, “It’s not a boat.” The speck gets even closer and he thinks, “It’s not a raft.”

Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blondewoman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and she says, “How long has it been since you’ve had acigarette?”

“Ten years!” he says.

She reaches over, unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.

He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag andsays, “Man, oh man! Is that good!”

Then she asks, “How long has it been since you’ve had a drink ofwhiskey?”

He replies, “Ten years!”

She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket onthe right, pulls out a flask and gives it to him.

He takes a long swig and says, “Wow, that’s fantastic!”

Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, “And how long has it been since you’ve had some REALfun?”

And the man replies, “My God! Don’t tell me you’ve got a motorcycle inthere!”

–from Vancouver HOG Chapter

BIKERNET TECH QUESTION OF THE WEEK–It’s a ’91 FXRP I bought wrecked, from LRPD. I am an insurance whore for trucking companies, and a cop ran into the side of a truck on it. I had to go to the scene to take pictures, and I found out who was in charge. I bought it for $1200. The frame and drive train were unscratched but the front end was screwed. I took all the cop stuff off, put an FL type front end on it with the ogre eye, fat bob tank modified to fit the frame, big dresser rear fender that I lenthened and made a little duck tail on the end, and a tombstone.

I ride every day that it is not raining, drink a 20 ounce Bud and reflect onhow great it is to be alive. Yesterday was especially good because it’s beencloudy and the sun shining through onto the water created a rainbow ofcolors. I broke another brake pad retaining clip on my front brake. howirritating is that.

I buy them by the dozen and I can replace it in 3 minutesflat because in the past 8 years I have had this bike I have done it aca-jillion times. I keep calling this bike a piece of shit but 8 years andshe still chugging along.

Thank god for skitzo Eric at Rodney’s (Hamster)cycle house being my buddy cause I’m gonna need him pretty soon. motors ain’tmy thing. I’m a style guy.

–Ted, Btscal@aol.com

HARLEY V-ROD RECALL–Powersports Business has learned that Harley-Davidson is recalling its VRSCA V-Rod after discovering a small batch of its Revolution engines may have been over-stressed during pre-delivery tests.Only 70 bikes worldwide are reportedly affected. It is believed all owners will be notified and eligible for new engines.

The 60-degree 1130cc (69 cu. in.) fuel-injected Revolution engine delivers 115 HP and 74 ft. lbs. of torque at 7,000 RPM. Although MSRP for the V-Rod is $16,995, many of the bikes have sold for over $20,000.

–from http://www.ehlertpowersports.com

PAT KENNEDY COMES OUT OF HIDING–I worked with Pat on my first ER project bike. He is still the master chopper builder hiding in the desert near Tombstone, Arizona. Bikernet is investigating his recent secluded history in the desert and there will be a special report on Pat and his lovely wife Brook published next week.

This is one of their recent projects. Pat will also be featured in HORSE magazine and we will follow a recent project on the pages of HORSE. For more information try Kennedyschopper.com.

BIKERNET BUELL REPORTER CHECKS IN–Going to Phoenix May 11th for Firebolt school starting the 13th. Staying in Mesa probably. Be there till the 17th.

Working on my S2 Buell. I put Firebolt rocker boxes on the heads. This omitted the middle spacer of the rocker box assembly. Also you lose the umbrella valve and a rubber gasket. I’ll be using the Firebolt breather valves that are located on the top of each rocker box cover. This will allow one hose from each head that runs along the frame out to the back of the rear fairing. This makes for a very sano ass’y for a Buell.

–Paul

Continued On Page 4

By the time we reach the end of the week we will have sliced the list to ribbons and returned to the mild mode of Bikernet insanity. A couple of days ago we shipped all the trophies out to February and March Show Winners–I’m innocent, don’t blame me.

By the end of the week we will have a surprise in the HA leather area. We are making fine leather orders easy, comfortable and extremely accurate, by coaching you to supply accurate measurements that will give us what we need to deliver the perfect Vest, leather shirt, jacket or chaps directly to you.

Next week Nuttboy, Wrench and I will put a rolling chassis together for the Nutt and prepare it for the good Doctor to modify. Finally Helen Wolf designed a Bikernet sweatshirt in a hooded garment that’s so comfortable that you’ll want to wear the damn thing day after day until it smells so bad, you could fuel the stove with the fumes. We hope to have it up on the site by tomorrow.

On top of the monumental list I had four women in the headquarters last weekend hiding from Laughlin. Do you think I got a damn thing done? Hell no. Let’s get to the news:

HOME TEAM–When I got home from the prison ship I discovered a couple of copies of Reader’s Digest laying around the headquarters. That’s a publication full of depth and heart. One of the articles was about a bar maid at Kelley’s Bar and Grill in Clovis N.M., Carolyn Kitchens. Her house burnt down and while eight of her customers sat around a table having a beer one afternoon one of the patrons said, “We should build her a house.” She thought they were kidding, but they did. Among the volunteers were electricians, roofers, plumbers, carpenters and concrete men and of course bikers. She put up the money for materials, they got the deals and went to work. A roofer Steve Mullins was in debt with his boss. He cut a deal to wipe it off the books by putting the roof on the new home, but after the roof was done he kept coming back to assist.Friends helping friends.

BIKERNET BLONDE DEPARTMENT–A plane is on its way to Montreal when a blonde in Economy Class gets upand moves to the First Class section and sits down. The flight attendantwatches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blondethat she paid for Economy and that she will have to sit in the back.

Theblonde replies “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Montreal and I’mstaying right here!”

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot andco-pilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class whobelongs in Economy and won’t move back to her seat. The co-pilot goes backto the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for Economyshe will have to leave and return to her seat. The blonde replies, “I’mblonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Montreal and I’m staying right here!”

The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the policewaiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won’t listen toreason.

The pilot says “You say she’s blonde? I’ll handle this. I’mmarried to a blonde. I speak `blonde’!” He goes back to the blonde,whispers in her ear, and she says “Oh, I’m sorry”. . .gets up and movesback to her seat in the Economy section.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said tomake her move without any fuss. “I told her First Class isn’t going toMontreal”.

–from Bob T.

ROGUE’S NEW RIDE–He’s been behind a camera working for Easyriders in the beginning, then Biker and now a correspondent for Bikernet. We will feature his new ride on the site shortly.

Rogue has also been instrumental with the initial frame components for Nuttboy’s ride and my next project. He was involved with clubs and motorcycle rights in the ’70s and if you see him, he just may have a Bikernet sticker for the asking. Be respectful, he’s the only motorcycling blind photographer we know of.–Bandit

NEW BIKER FILMS IN THE MAKING–WARNER BROS.”TORQUE”FEATURE FILMDRAFT: APRIL 12, 2002

Exec. Producers: Bruce Berman, Mike RachmilProducers: Neil Moritz, Brad LuffDirector: Joseph Kahn

Writers: Kevin Polay, JP Donahue, Matt Johnson

Casting Directors: Randi Hiller & Sarah Finn

Casting Associate: Courtney Gross

Casting Assistant: Scott Moore

Start Date: July 8, 2002

Location: Los Angeles

WRITTEN SUBMISSIONS ONLY TO: FINN / HILLER CASTING588 N. LARCHMONT BLVD.2ND FLOORL.A., CA 90004

[CARY FORD] Caucasian, In his 20s, he has laid-back good looks, a winningsmile, and the kind of bad boy charisma that reduces women to jelly. Alifelong biker, Ford isn’t happy unless he’s bombing around the country onhis “crotch rocket.” A couple of years back, he fell afoul of Henry, abrutal biker leader who convinced Ford to work in a motorcycle chop shop.

When Henry suspected Ford of ratting him out to the Feds, he went ballisticand burned down Ford’s shop. With both Henry and the Feds pressuring him,Ford fled, and has spent the last couple of years in Thailand laying low.

Back in the states for a big rally, Ford hooks back up with his old palsDalton and Val, and he also runs into Shane, the beautiful woman he leftbehind. Ford just wants to forget the past and get on with his life,resuminghis rudely interrupted relationship with Shane and opening up a new bikershop in San Francisco. Butwhen Henry frames Ford for a murder he didn’t commit, Ford is forced to fleeyet again, this time with Dalton, Val and Shane at his side. During thecourse of their thrilling but deadly cross-country adventure, Ford mustconfront his past and face his old nemesis before he can move into thefuture.

LEAD (2)[SHANE] Caucasian, Hispanic or African American, this long-legged, naturallybeautiful woman biker, 20s, has “curves tighter than Mulholland Drive” and amind to match her impressive exterior. Shane, who is also passionate aboutmotorcycles, makes a living as a custom bike seat vendor – a convenientexcuse for her to hit all the big motorcycle rallies in the country. Acoupleof years back, she and Ford dated for seven months, but when he left thecountry suddenly, Shane wrote him off.

Now, Ford’s back, and despite Shane’sinitial skepticism, the two feel the same old chemistry. However, when Shanerealizes that Ford is wanted for murder, all her old doubts resurface.Realizing that the vengeful Trey could use her to get to Ford, Shane isforced to go on the lam with Ford on a deadly cross-country flight, justahead of the cops and a passel of murderous bikers. But a funny thinghappenson the way to San Francisco. Shane not only realizes that Ford is innocent,but that she has fallen in love with him.

RUFFIANS PRODUCTIONS/RUFF RYDERS/ AMEN RA”WHEN THE RIDE IS RUFF”FEATURE FILM

Producer: Ruffians Productions/Ruff Ryders/Amen Ra

Director: Kirk Wong

Writer: Thomas N. Weber

Casting Director: Aisha Coley

Casting Assistant: Claribel Delgado

Dates: Approximately June 24 for 10-12 weeks

Location: NY and North Carolina

ALL PHOTOS & RESUMES TO: AISHA COLEY603 GREENWICH STREET – 1st FLOORNYC 10014

ATTN: WHEN THE RIDE IS RUFFPLEASE BE AWARE THAT MOTORCYCLE SKILLS ARE A PLUS BUT NOT A NECESSITY. ALLACTORS MUST BE ATHLETIC OR HAVE SOME ATHLETIC ABILITY.

[BEAR] Caucasian male, mid 40’s-60’s, an imposing man with a powerfulpresence and a commanding voice. A biker. His worn leather jacket reads:Biker Council, President. He’s an old, wise, weathered warrior, theundisputed boss. No one questions his decisions, he settles disputes, andeveryone, even rival gangs heed his advice. Additionally submit “name”actors…

[CHRISTINE] Caucasian, Latina (Jessica Alba type), Asian female, 20’s,strong-willed, beautiful and tough, possibly exotic. This actress needs tobevery athletic. She’s Bear’s daughter and very much the product of herfather…

[COBRA] Caucasian, late 20’s to mid 30’s, cunning and handsome, he’s anoutlaw, a tough-ass biker covered in bright tattoos. He’s served time in prison.This “Road Devil” is Sam’s main opposition, a vicious rival…[EVE] Open ethnicity, including Asian, African-American and Latinapreferred,20’s, Sam’s (Wesley Snipes) love interest. She’s a kick-ass biker whoteachesself defense for a living. She’s street, she’s gorgeous, she’s sexy with aconfident stride…

[SNAKE EYES] Open ethnicity (NOT African-American), 20’s, top lieutenant toLT, the leader of a rival motorcycle gang called The High Rollers. He’smean-ass looking….[X] African-American male, 20’s. This role is modeled after rapper DMX.Please submit accordingly. X must be street tough and athletic. X is also acomputer wiz who becomes Sam’s (Wesley Snipes) main ally…

[YOUNG BUCK] African-American, Latino, or Asian, teens to mid 20, a youngJohn Leguizamo or young Chris Tucker type. A comic…

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BIKERNET WEAPONS TRAINING– A man got a raise and decided to buy a scope for his hunting rifle. Hewent to a gun shop outside of town, and the clerk fitted a scope to his weapon.

“This scope is so good you can read the name on the mailbox of my houseway up on that hill,” the clerk said.

The man looked through the scope and a big grin spread over his face.

“What’s so funny?” the clerk asked.

“I see a naked woman and a naked man through the window.”

“That can’t be!” the clerk exclaimed. “My wife’s at work.” He grabbed the scope, took a look for himself, and to his chagrin, hefound the hunter was right.

Furious, he gave the rifle back to the hunter and said, “The scope isyours for nothing if you take these two bullets. Shoot my wife in the head, then shoot off that guy’s dick.”

“The hunter, looking through the scope, said, “I think I can do that inone shot

–from Chris T.

NEW GIRLS IN THE CANTINA

WHITEHORSE PRESS BOOK ANNOUNCEMENT–Big excitement! We’ve just gone back to press for a third printing ofour new book, PURPLE MOUNTAINS: AMERICA FROM A MOTORCYCLE by NotchMiyake, 224 pages, $19.95, order code PURM.http://www.WhitehorsePress.com/Email.asp?CN=50245&EN=en0204&ID=purm

Excellent reviews and word-of-mouth have made PURPLE MOUNTAINS ourcurrent #1 bestseller:”It’s a book that makes you think about the choices in your own life,good and bad.” –Classic Bike Rider magazine

“It may make you figure out how to take a few months off and do a reallylong trip. You might not end up writing such a good book, but it willhave cleared your mind and allowed you to focus on how you want to livethe rest of your life.” –Clement Salvadori, Rider magazine

“All of us possess the fantasy of seeing the USA by motorcycle, andhere’s a book by someone who has done it.” –Trail Rider magazine

“This is Notch Miyake’s first book and he’s off to a great start.” –BMWOwners News

Now! Order your copy of PURPLE MOUNTAINS online or with a quicktoll-free phone call to 800-531-1133. The Whitehorse Press MotorcyclingCatalog has the largest selection of motorcycling books and videosanywhere, plus tools, riding accessories, and novelties. See foryourself athttp://www.WhitehorsePress.com/Email.asp?CN=50245&EN=en0204&ID=home

BEACH RIDE UPDATE–The Beach Ride a Charity Ride for the Exceptional Children’s Foundation in Los Angeles is preparing for their 11th Anniversary Event on the Beach in Ventura on July 14th. The run is Sponsored by Bartels Harley-Davidson, the Uglys MC and Bikernet.com.The Uglys do a damn good job and band promotion and War will be on site, along with Ms. Beach Ride and a Bike Show. If you are interested in entering the show ahead of time fill out the following form and sent it to me at Bikernet, P.O. Box 1168, San Pedro, CA 90731. Make your check out to Exceptional Children’s Foundation. This fee covers your bike, you’ll still have to purchase a charity ticket for entrance.

Bike Show Entry Form

Participant’s Name: ________________________________________

Bike Info –
Year: ___________________________
Model: ___________________________
Class: ___________________________

Classes:First and Second Place Awarded For Each Of The Following:( Sportster ( radical ( Chopper ( Street Custom (( Performance Custom ( Nostalgic ( Strange & Unusual ( And ( Best of Show (

All Participants Receive An Event T-Shirt
Entry Fee: $25

BIKERNET MEDICAL STUDY–A man went into the proctologist’s office for his first exam.The doctor told him to have a seat in the examination room andthat he wouldbewith him in just a few minutes.

When the man sat down and began observing the tools, he noticedthere were 3items on a stand next to the Dr.’s desk:
1. A tube of K-Y jelly
2. A rubber glove
3. A beer

When the doctor finally came in, the man said “Look Doc, I’m alittleconfused.This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for and I know whatthe gloveis for,but, can you tell me what the BEER is for?”

At that the doctor became noticeably outraged and stormed over tothe door.The doc flung the door open and yelled to his nurse……..”Dammit, Helen! I said A BUTT LIGHT”

–from Dr. Hamster

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