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TOTS REPORT FROM A RIDIN’ MARINE– I was shocked and outraged when I read the “Toys for Tots” e-mail beingforwarded around the biker community. Shocked that bikers would be criticalof the Marine Reservist donating countless hours of their time to collectand distribute toys for underprivileged children in their local community,and outraged at the out right lie that these toys were shipped over seas!

For the record, my name is James Watson. I have been the proud owner andenthusiastic rider of Harley-Davidson motorcycles since 1989. And, I evenknow, have ridden with, and partied with quite a few of the people I sawthis e-mail being passed around by.

I am also currently the Commanding Officer of the Marine Corps ReserveUnit in Tampa, Florida, and I can personally testify that none of the toyscollected by the Marine Corps Reserves leaves the local area in which it wascollected. In fact, in Tampa alone last Christmas we collected over 250,000toys, sorted them into stacks categorized by age and gender, andredistributed them to needy families. I’m sure it’s hard for any of you toeven begin to imagine the number of people and hours it took to accomplishthis feat. Especially since I don’t recall any of you busting your ass onyour day off helping us!

Before you criticize others who are doing a good deed perhaps each of youneed to look in the mirror and ask yourself, “when (if ever) was the lasttime I did an unselfish good deed for others in my community.” And no,buying one toy and going for a ride on your bike with your buddies does notqualify!

As for the fight that almost occurred over the toys that you claim to havepurchased to donate to a charity and then attempted to take back. I can onlysay that I am truly disappointed in the Marines for not kicking your ass.Although I must admit it must have taken quite a bit of restraint, and thatis impressive in itself. Personally, if I were leaving the Toys for Totsevent to go to the cancer center I would not be so damn cheap as to try tosteal a few of the toys donated in an effort to avoid spending a couple ofdollars on more toys for the children at the cancer center. Now to address the final issue of the name “Toys for Tots”. I am notfamiliar with the law suite the e-mail addressed; however, I do know thatthe Marine Corps Reserves has created a non-profit organization titled Toysfor Tots for legal/tax reasons to run the program nation wide, and has usedthe name for well over a decade. As for it being generic, you sir areincorrect. All the other biker toy runs, collection points, and events thatuse the name “Toys for Tots” donate the toys they collect from the event orcollection point to the Marine Corps Reserves program. The reason it appearsto have become so generic is because we have done such a fantastic jobcreating so many of these events throughout the county. This would accountfor the phenomenal number of toys we have collected and distributed to theunderprivileged. I have no idea how many toys we collected nation wide lastyear; however, I believe we have well over 300 reserve training centers inthe United States, and if my center collected over 250,000 toys alone…well you do the math!

Oh by the way, how many toys did you say you collected at your event? I donot recall reading a number.

— Yours in service to our great nation,
Major J.L. Watson, USMCR

If you want one, I believe there’s a waiting list !!!–from Down Under Ray

BIKERNET MEDICAL ADVICE– Mr. Smith goes to the doctor’s office to collect his wife’s test results. The lab tech says to him, “I’m sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife’s. Frankly, it is either bad or terrible!”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer’s and the other > for AIDS. We can’t tell which is your wife.”

“That’s terrible! Can we do the test over?”

“Normally, yes. But you have an HMO, and they won’t pay for these expensive tests more than once.”

“Well, what am I supposed to do now?”

“The HMO recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town. If she finds her way home, don’t sleep with her.”

BIKETOBERFEST REPORT–If you are going to Biketoberfest in October here’s a little gig for ya to goto.

10th Master’s Custom Bike Show, Friday, October 19, 2001 from 11:00 to 4:00.$500 in prize money. This is one that (Hamster) Tom Anderson puts on. Livemusic, food & drinks, tiki bars, inside & outside pools. It’s helpd at theGrand Seas Resort at 2424 N Atlantic Avenue. The show is on the pool deck. ?This is sponsored by 2 Wheelers (Arlin Fatland), Crystal Motorsports, XtremeCustom Cycles, and ?Hot Leathers.

Call 253-795-5895 for further information.

CORRECTION TO BIKERNET ATTACK STATEMENT–I’m angry, sad and fearful of what the days ahead will bring. Like everyone, I am still in a state of shock and disbelief. Thank you for posting my comments, I hope they were taken in the spirit in which they were written.?

Not to nit-pick on this terrible day, but both Mailman and my son said the reference to the sleeping lion was supposed to be the following quote (in red):

On December 7, 1941, Admiral Isoroku Yamamoto?s plan for attacking Pearl Harbor was put into effect, despite his objections. After the attack, while the other Japanese commanders were celebrating their victory, Yamamoto told a fellow officer, “I fear that all we have done is awaken a sleeping giant, and fill it with a desire for vengeance.”

-Helen

SALOON NEWS–A guy walks into a bar and notices a very large jar on the counter and sees it’s filled to the brim with $10 bills. The man guesses there must be thousands of dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks, “What’s up with the jar?”

“Well, you pay ten dollars and, if you pass three tests, you get all the money.”

The man certainly isn’t going to pass this up.”What are the three tests?”

“Pay first,” says the bartender. “Those are the rules.

“So the man give him the $10 and the bartender drops it into the jar.

“OK,” the bartender says, “here’s what you need to do. First you have to drink that entire gallon of pepper tequila… the whole thing, all at once… and you can’t make a face while doing it. Second, there’s a pit bull chained-up out back with a sore tooth. You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands. Third, there’s a 90 year-old woman upstairs who has never reached orgasm during intercourse. You’ve gotta make things right for her.”

The man is stunned. “I know I paid my 10 bucks, but I’m not an idiot! I won’t do it! You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila, and then do those other things …”

“Your call,” says the bartender, “but your money stays where it is.

“As time goes on and the man has a few drinks, then a few more, he asks, “Wherez zat teeqeelah?” He grabs the gallon with both hands and downs it with a big slurp. Tears are streaming down both cheeks, but he doesn’t make a face. Next, he staggers out back where the pit bull is chained-up and soon, all the people inside the bar hear a huge, noisy, scuffle going on outside.

They hear the pit bull barking, the guy screaming, the pit bull yelping and then…. silence. Just when they think the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar, with his shirt ripped and large, bloody scratches all over his body.”Now,” he says, “where’s the old woman with the sore tooth?”

–From Geno, HORSE magazine

MOTORCYCLE RIDERS FOUNDATION OFFICE CLOSED–Effective immediately, the Motorcycle Riders Foundation office inWashington, DC will be closed until further notice. In light of thenational emergency that is taking place, and in keeping with thegovernment’s request to keep the phone lines clear, please do not try tocontact the office. Preparations for the upcoming Meeting of the Minds willcontinue, but the DC office will be closed for the time being.Beverly Waters and Tom Wyld are fine. They both made it into the officethis morning, but have since left and, for safety’s sake, will not returnfor an indefinite period of time.Please join us in keeping the family members and friends of the thousandsof victims of this senseless tragedy in your thoughts and prayers.Teri Hobbs, Assistant Director of Communications, MRF

MOTORCYCLE CONFISCATED–well it happened during the Laughlin river run thisyear. It was parked and locked in a casino parkinglot. The metro police from Nevada ran a check throughNCI and it came up stolen according to them. This bikehas been stopped before and the numbers ran and cameup clean. They say the #’s on the frame don’t match. Alawyer was retained and said to go to Vegas and pickit up well the cop that took the bike came roaring uphad him up against the car and accused him of knowingthe bike is stolen.

He said, “The nexttime you see this bike I’ll be riding it,” then added”I was just kidding” (covering his ass). It so happensa lawyer was needed for the motorcycle because that’swho the case is against not the owner. Is that unrealor what? Anyway I’ll have to get back to you with theother details and what’s happening now if anything.

–Rogue

CHROME SPECIALITIES OFFERS LEGEND AIR SHOCKS– Legend Air Ride Suspension System For Softail ModelsAdjustable air ride suspension allows complete control of your bike’s rideheight and load carrying capacity. Now you can have a smooth ride withoutbottoming whether riding solo, or two-up and loaded for touring. Up to 700lbs load capacity with NO bottoming!

The Legends system also allows yourrear fender to have a tire hugging profile when parked or cruising down theboulevard, or raised for suspension travel on rough roads and highways.Legend air suspensions are complete kits and include compressor, gauge withhandlebar mount, switches, installation hardware and instructions. Availablein chrome or black anodized finish. Optional rocker box gauge mount soldseparately.

? Components machined from 6061-T6 aluminum.
? Direct bolt-on replacement for stock style Softail shocks.
? Lowers bike 3″ at the touch of a button.
? Ride height is adjustable on the go.
? Small on-board compressor mounts behind transmission using existing mounting holes.
? Dual Kevlar based air springs.
? Installs in 1 to 1-1/2 hours – no special tools required.
? Fits all Softail models 1989-1999. Kits can be vendor modified to fit 1984-1986 Softail (unit must be sent to vendor after purchase, information included in kits).
? Hardware and Instructions includedNot for 2000-up Softail models.

220500 Black finish Retail $1,595.00

220505 Chrome finish Retail $1,795.00Accessories

220510 Chrome rocker box gauge mountretail $109.99

Continued On Page 4

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–TERRORISTS ATTACK–BIG MISTAKE ON THEIR PART

Continued From Page 1

ATTACK REFLECTIONS FROM A BROTHER– Yesterday was one of the most?devastating days?of my life I can ever remember. We kept working while listening to the reports on the radio. Every now and then we would go up front and watch this tragedy on TV.

I kept working, trying to stay as busy as I could. Fuck, I kept dropping wrenches, forgetting what I was doing, couldn’t find my tools, not putting all the hardware back on right. It was a cluster fuck.

You’ve seen my work area. I know?under the normal “manic mechanic” times?where my shit is. I just couldn’t get my shit in one sock yesterday. I stayed up?last night, couldn’t sleep. I just continued?watching?the TV?in disbelief. This took me back to the JFK, RFK and King assassinations on TV. This is much worse to me now than then.

Many of us have lost brothers, family and friends. We have all grieved over these many things one encounters in a life time. This loss of innocent life and total ?devastation is almost too much?for one to?bare.

Today was a mixed bag of ups and downs. One minute you are talking to buddy and we’re all pissed. Gonna go out and kick butt. The next you are grieving for all those families who are living a terrible nightmare. Then you get patriotic while looking at the service people at the Pentagon?talking with the president. My way of thinking in dealing with these pieces of shit who did this to our country is: We need to look?to the Israeli’s way of dealing with terrorism. They do not mess around when they find out who is at fault when they are attacked by terrorists. In other words, when in doubt, knock them out! This says it all.

Whatever we can all do to help in this American crisis we need to do smartly. I know we will all get through this with each other’s help. It seems to me the changes are happening right now that are needed for the country’s security. It will never be the same as before. The days of our youth are gone. I?now wonder what else is going to happen in my lifetime. We will survive. We are strong. We are Americans. We?will march on. My thoughts continue to go out to the families for their loss.?Also let’s not forget?the rescue workers and all who are working?the long hours in this overwhelming battle.

Bandit, I hope all is well there. I wonder how LA is doing through all this. Keep me posted. I’ve said enough.

— Paul Davis, Charlotte H-D

REFLECTIONS FROM A DRAG RACING CHAMPION–Steve impressed me with the following. –Helen”After coming off of a personal best and record-breaking weekend of racing inWoodburn, Ore., I had intended on coming to the office Tuesday morning to leteveryone know of the good news. After waking up to the tragedies that weregoing on around us on Tuesday morning, it made me realize what was reallyimportant and race results wasn’t one of those things. Our deepest sympathygoes out to the friends and families affected by these tragedies.Our Web site, www.huffmotorsports.com, has been updated with the results oflast weekend for you to review at your convenience.

–Steve Huff

FORGIVE YOUR ENEMIES– The new preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used “Forgive Your Enemies” as his subject.

After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive their enemies. About half held up their hands. Not satisfied, he harangued for another 20 minutes and repeated his question. This received a response of 80 percent. Still unsatisfied, he lectured for 15 minutes more and repeated his question.

With thoughts of Sunday dinner, all responded except one old gentleman in the rear.

“Mr. McNeese, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?’

“I don’t have any.”

“Mr. McNeese, that is very unusual. How old are you?”

“Eighty-six.”

“Mr. McNeese, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a man can live to 86 and not have an enemy in the world.”

The old man teetered down the aisle and slowly turned around.

“It’s easy. I just outlived the sons of bitches.”

–From Chris T.

Click For Larger .pdf View

STRANGEST REPORT OF THE WEEK–We have an odd report on our next project bike from a brother who hasn’t seen it or touched it. In fact, the bike is located in Los Angeles while this report came from the East Coast. Evidently this brother knows his shit.

“Was checking out the FXR you are working on. The swingarm should be 9 1/2 inches wide (pivot tube). The Buell swingarm block with swingarm installed, ready to go into a Buell frame, is also 9 1/2 inches wide! If?you had the Softail tranny all you would have to do is modify a Titan or Daytec “Cradle”. Just the back half where the conventional FXR swingarm pivots. Then you could run a 17 inch/180 rear tire.

You were saying you wanted an FXR (rubbermount) hot rod. Short and compact.?A stock FXR frame looks a lot like a Sportster frame from the side. With the FXR frame you could make a “Big Twin” rubber mounted XLCR style bike. You could use the body work?for an XLCR repo from Airtec. My friend from Illinois that I was telling you about did this with a “08” Shovelhead in the early ’80s. The frame on his bike was?made from 4130 Chrome Moly. It looked?just like an FXR style frame but with the?Shovel?bolted?mounted conventionally. The XLCR body work looked really good. Just?a?thought. It would really?make for a unique Hot Rod Custom.

–Bikernet East Coast Correspondent, P.D.

JUST FRED–A local law enforcement officer stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. Since he’s in a good mood that day he decides to give the poor fellow a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. So, he asks the man his name.

“Fred,” he replies.

“Fred what?” the officer asks.

“Just Fred,” the man responds. When the officer presses him for a last name, the man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.

The officer thinks he has a nutcase on his hands but plays along with it. “Tell me Fred, how did you lose your last name?”

The man replies, “It’s a long story so stay with me. I was born Fred Dingaling. I know, funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time. So I stayed to myself. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, finally got my degree so I was Fred Dingaling, MD.

After a while I got bored being a doctor so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream. Got all the way through school, got my degree so I was now Fred Dingaling MD DDS.

Got bored doing dentistry so I started fooling around with my assistant. She gave me VD. So, I was Fred Dingaling MD DDS with VD. Well, the ADA found out about the VD so they took away my DDS so I was Fred Dingaling MD with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD. Then the VD took away my dingaling so now I’m just Fred.”

The officer let him go without even a warning.

–From Robert T.

BANDIT’S HAS HIS CARDS READ–Mr. Bandit, Yah Ta Hey! Ya might want’a listen ta your Ol’Indian/Harleyspiritual guide? I was talkin’ta him tha other nite at tha Roadhouse onthe farside of Big Sur. I couldn’t believe it, but I have ta tell yawhat he saw in his Mojo. It was on the cliff cave; mixed in thespider-webs. Your next ride! A V-Rod, whipped ta tha MAX, for ’round thaWorld Tour 2002 & back ta tha Harley 100. Sometimes we just have ta gowith what’s in our nature, or our spirit.

–Ride On! Wino Joe,USA

POLICE DISREGARD THE LAW–There is a simple, common-sense way for police to handle a situation in which they find somebody growing marijuana who claims to be a patient authorized – as patients with a doctor’s recommendation have been since November 1996 under California law – to possess, use and cultivate cannabis. They can take photographs, take copies of documentation and perhaps a few samples and tell the person something like: We’re going to check this out very carefully, and if you turn out to be a phony we’ll be back to arrest you.

That’s not the way the Santa Ana, Calif., police handled Marvin Chavez, founder of the Orange County Patient Doctor Nurse Support Group, Thursday night when they visited his house in Santa Ana. Mr. Chavez, who suffers from the degenerative spinal disorder ankylosing spondylitis, showed them the letter from his doctor and support group material. All the plants he was growing were identified with signs as being medical marijuana grown legally under Section 11362.5 of the California Health and Safety Code.

The police, according to Mr. Chavez, commented on the signs. They tore out all the plants, ransacked his house and his garage, took his computer, video camera and numerous tapes, disks and records.

Mr. Chavez was not arrested or charged with a crime. The police told him they needed the plants as evidence so the district attorney can decide whether to file charges.

That was completely unnecessary, unprofessional and should be viewed by any decent citizen as unconscionable. Section 11362.5 has been the law in California since November 1996, when the people approved Prop. 215, the Compassionate Use Act. It states: “Section 11357, relating to the possession of marijuana, and Section 11358, relating to the cultivation of marijuana, shall not apply to a patient, or to a patient’s primary caregiver, who possesses or cultivates marijuana for the personal medical purposes for the patient upon the written or oral recommendation or approval of a physician.”

BIKERNET RELATIONSHIP REPORT– A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. The biggest fear was that there wasno heaven. After a long life, the husband was the first to go and true to his word, he made contact.

“Mary..Mary…”

“Is that you Fred?”

“Yes, I’ve come back like we agreed.”

“What’s it like?”

“Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast, I have sex. I bathe in the sun, then I have sex twice. I have lunch, then sex pretty much all afternoon. After supper, I have sex until late at night. The next day it starts again.”

“Oh Fred, you surely must be in Heaven.”

“Not exactly……I’m a rabbit in Kansas

–From Kris B.

DAVIE ALLAN REVIEW– Got my Davie Allan CDs today. There are?some Rigid, jockey shift-gear jammin, diamond plate tire burnin tunes on them CDs let me tell you. Boy howdy?that guy can play! Makes you what to go out?bend some metal, cut,?weld and put something together and get it on down the road.??Sure would like to see him live.

–P.D.

DIXIE RIDER REPORT– This weekend is choked full of events to fill up your leisure time. You’ll find Dixie Rider at many of them.?First is the Trail of Tears ride from Chattanooga Tennessee to Waterloo Alabama. This ride commemorates the “death march” that we forced the Native American, (mostly Cherokee) tribes to endure n a relocation program. Dixie Rider will be at the “official” kick off party at the brand new Thunder Creek Dealership located on Lee Highway. If you need directions call TCHD at 423-892-4888.?

Also the Steel Wheels Expo is being held in Richmond Virginia. This benefits the child of a biker who was lost earlier this year. 804-741-8677 for info Dixie Rider will also be there.

Then there is Bainbridge Bike Fest in Bainbridge Georgia. Held at an abandoned airstrip, this is a party that really rocks! Free primitive camping, first come first serve. for ticket info call 912-246-0505 Look for Dixie Rider at this event. (probably riding around in a golf cart if I know Hoss!)

And then there is the Keys Poker Run. We won’t be set up at any location, we’ve just got a correspondent riding around taking pics and doing a story. Smile for the birdie.

I hope you enjoy yourself and for goodness sakes be careful, o.k.. Usually my e mail is full of humor and brevity, however, with the recent wave of attacks aimed at our fellow citizens, humor seems inappropriate. I hope each of you will take a moment to say a silent prayer for the victims and their families. In addition, if you are able to visit your local Red Cross Blood Bank in the next few days, please do….Lets start a blood drive and tell them you’re donating this as a part of a motorcycle blood drive….Bikers always turn out when we’re needed, and they will need blood. Be safe and take the road less traveled by.

Scott Cochran
Editor, Dixie Rider Motorcycle News

PRO-PHANTOM MIRRORS–Recently introduced by PRO-ONE the new PHANTOM SERIES mirrors provide custom builders and bolt-on enthusiasts with four unique styling choices. Each one-piece unit is machined from solid billet aluminum and finished in PRO-ONE’s legendary show chrome. Available for H-D and Metric Cruiser machines, the PRO-PHANTOM mirrors are supplied with all installation hardware and retail for $69.95.

See your local PRO-ONE dealer or call 800-884-4173. On the web at www.pro-one.com

Continued On Page 3

I don’t have a lot to say that so many other Americans haven’t expressed innumerable times already. I’ve been concerned about a loss of liberty, but I know that we will have to give during war times. We’ll get a renewed liberty returned after the conflict. I truly believe that this act will mark the end of terrorism in the world. Terrorists will no longer exist unless they can set up headquarters on the moon.

Much of what will follow will be associated with the attack, but we’ve attempted to throw in some news, and break up the sorrow with a joke or two.

I want to thank all the cops, firemen, EMTs and rescue workers who are risking their lives to help. Let’s get to the news.

HOW WE ALL CAN HELP–A Tragedy has struck America. As we mourn the deaths of thousands of victims, we need to pray and keep in our hearts the 266 plane passengers, 800-plus Pentagon employees, and the uncounted victims in New York.

We ask that if there is anything that you can do, please help! Visit http://helping.org/promos/cs_wtc.adp.

The United Way of New York and the New York Community Trust have established a fund to help the victims of the attacks and their families. The September Eleventh Fund will provide immediate support to established emergency assistance agencies. Anyone wishing to contribute may send their donations in care of United Way, 2 Park Ave., New York, N.Y., 10016; or call (212) 251-4035.Donations are also being accepted on United Way of New York City’s Web site: http://www.uwnyc.org.

American Red Cross, cash donations:(800) HELP-NOW

Salvation Army, cash donations:(800) SAL-ARMY

All trained medical personnel willing to go into Manhattan to assist victims and emergency workers may call (516) 656-9254 or (516) 656-9252. The City of Glen Cove, N.Y., is coordinated transportation of medical personnel via ferry to Manhattan.

The American Red Cross is in need of blood to replenish the nation’s supply. Call (800) GIVE-LIFE to schedule an appointment near where you live.

Friends and family who wish to check on passengers and flights may call:American Airlines, (800) 245-0999United Airlines, (800) 932-8555

FBI tip Web sitehttp://www.ifccfbi.gov

Report Attacks FBI Hotline(866) 483-5137

ATTACK PRAYER–For the victims of the attack.For the friends and families of the victims.For all the lives lost.For all those helping to rescue, save and treat the trapped and injured.For all of us who sit and watch the attacks on the television and listentoit on the news.

We pray for understanding as to how and why this happened. For thestrength to deal with the loss. For the courage to eventually pick up thepieces and move on with life. For the ability to one day forgive those responsible for this great loss. May God fill our hearts with love. Helptake away the sorrow. Help heal the wounds.

May the laughter of thechildren help us to remember that there is still good in this world. And,may the warmth of the sun, shine down upon us and help us find our smilesagain.

–From Eddie Dyer

MOTORCYCLE SEIZURE LAW–A billto amend section 4549.63 of the Revised Code to modify the guidelinesgoverning seizure of a motor vehicle by a law enforcement officer when theidentity of the vehicle cannot be determined and to establish limited civilliability if the law enforcement officer or agency fails to comply withspecified guidelines.

BE IT ENACTED BY THE GENERAL ASSEMBLY OF THE STATE OF OHIO:Section 1. That section 4549.63 of the Revised Code be amended to read asfollows:Sec. 4549.63. (A) A law enforcement officer may seize and take possessionof a vehicle or vehicle part if the officer has probable cause to believethat any vehicle identification number or derivative thereof on the vehicleor part has been removed, defaced, covered, altered, or destroyed in such amanner that the identity of the vehicle or part cannot be determined byvisual examination of the number at the site where the manufacturer placedthe number. The seizure shall be pursuant to a warrant, unless thecircumstances are within one of the exceptions to the warrant requirementthat have been established by the supreme court of the United States or ofthe supreme court of this state.

(B) A (1) Except as provided in divisions (B)(2) and (3) of this section, avehicle or vehicle part seized under division (A) of this section shall beheld in custody pursuant to section 2933.41 of the Revised Code or anyapplicable municipal ordinance.

(2) A law enforcement officer or agency that seizes a vehicle or vehiclepart under division (A) of this section shall transport, secure, and storethe vehicle or vehicle part in a manner that protects the vehicle or vehiclepart from damage.

(3) Within thirty days of seizing a vehicle or vehicle part, the lawenforcement officer or agency shall do all of the following:(a) Restore or locate the vehicle identification number if possible anddetermine whether the vehicle or vehicle part is stolen;(b) Make a reasonable effort to identify and locate the lawful owner of thevehicle or vehicle part;(c) Notify the lawful owner of when and where the vehicle or vehicle partmay be reclaimed;(d) Return the vehicle or vehicle part to the lawful owner in accordancewith division (D) of this section.

(C)(1) A law enforcement officer who acts in good faith in the belief thatthe seizure of a vehicle or vehicle part is justified under division (A) ofthis section is immune from any civil or criminal liability for suchseizure.

(2) Notwithstanding division (C)(1) of this section, the state or anypolitical subdivision associated with a law enforcement officer or agencythat seizes a vehicle or vehicle part under this section is liable to itslawful owner in a civil action for any damage to or loss of the use of thevehicle or vehicle part that is approximately caused by either of thefollowing:(a) The failure of the law enforcement officer or agency to transport,secure, and store the vehicle or vehicle part in a manner that protects thevehicle or vehicle part from damage;(b) The failure of the law enforcement officer or agency to comply withdivision (B)(3) of this section.(D) The lawful owner of a vehicle or vehicle part seized under this sectionthat is not needed as evidence and is not subject to forfeiture underdivision (D)(2) of section 4549.62 of the Revised Code may reclaim theproperty by submitting satisfactory proof of ownership to the lawenforcement agency or court holding the property.Section 2. That existing section 4549.63 of the Revised Code is herebyrepealed.

–From Hairy George

HORSE MAGAZINE RELEASES COVER GIRL–Undercover Bikernet correspondents make an effort every issue to capture, question and fondle the latest HORSE cover girl.

This is the December issue, which goes on sale Oct. 30.This issue includes a one-of-a-kind story on chopping a Victory by Bob “The Wizard” Philips. Our agent reports that they will havecomplete coverage of the SMSO and part one of Bandit’s Buell hop-up story. Plus, they are featuring Billy’s latest Lil’ Blue Suicide Machine perimeter long bike and tons more rad chops. It’s a killer issue.

Watch for the new issue on newsstands.

BIKERNET MEMBER RUNNING FOR AMA BOARD–That’s right, the former advertising director and former editor of Quick Throttle Magazine is running for the AMA board of directors. Mike Osborn has been devoted to motorcycle rights for over 20 years and is currently chairman of the ABATE of California political action committee. He is also on the board of directors of ABATE of California.

If you are an AMA member who livesin Southern California, Nevada (below Reno), Wyoming, Utah, Colorado,New Mexico or Arizona, fill out the official nominating ballot onthe stitched-in card between pages 12 and 13 in the October issue of theAMA’s American Motorcyclist magazine, put “Mike Osborn” on thenominating line, and send that puppy in. He’ll do a helluva job.

BIKERNET DRAG RACING REPORT–To sum up Woodburn, it was fast, safe, hot and well attended by both racers and spectators. We saw?some fantastic?200 mph?and 6-second passes and some wobbly runs that made you suck in your breath and clench your fists. These guys keep the throttle twisted no matter what. Steve Huff set a new AHDRA mph record for Pro Drag, replacing Marc Augustine’s. John McMillin won the Pro Drag category on Augustine’s old bike. I’ll have the exact numbers when AHDRA posts them on their Web site at www.AHDRA.com.

We will have extensive coverage of the Woodburn drags next week. Check the Down the Track section for reports and current standings. It’s got it all.

The terrorist attacks have obviously affected deeply, all Americans. I regard the?recess of work as a sign of respect for the dead and the suffering. Its only been three days since the end of the races at Woodburn, but it seems like it is in the distant past.?

I’ll be working well into next week once I get the pictures back, so be sure to check out my Down the Track section periodically. I haven’t heard from AHDRA yet on the scores.??Those on the East Coast?are reeling from the shock, and I’m prepared to be patient on this one. Lacking?words that express my intense anger, sorrow and fear?of what may come,?I’ve borrowed some:

“Diplomacy: the art of saying ‘nice doggie’ till you can find a rock.” – Wynn Catlin

“Don’t be a fool and die for your country. Let the other sonuvabitch die for his.” – George S. Patton

“All wars are popular for the first 30 days.” – Arthur Schlesinger Jr.

–Helen Wolfe

BIKERNET CULTURAL BUZZ–My name is Tokes (Rod Tokely) and I’m an artist working in MelbourneAustralia.I do illustrations for Live to Ride, the Australian biker lifestylemagazine, as well asother hot rod and motorcycle-related art.

I would like to invite you to visit my Web site athttp://www.bhome.com.au/tokes/ It’s a quick-loading folio of some of my artwork.I hope Bikernet will be interested in using some of my existing art orperhaps commissioning pieces specifically for your requirements.

–Tokes

BIKERNET SPECIAL INVESTIGATION–BANDIT THREATENED–After close coordination with the FBI, we have unraveled the following printed threat:”You’re the one that’s going to get beaten, my friend. ?And that JPEG orwhatever the hell it was I sent you, was not meant to be the publishedversion. After working on the 2002 calendar, I know all about that resolutionshit and putting stuff on zip and blah, blah, blah. ?

“Tomorrow is the last, the LAST day before we come after you. ?But it is going to be FINE. ?What you should be worryingabout is that when I come up for air, I will be coming for you.I am an evil, oops, I mean devil girl.And you have been a very bad boy.”

–Your gothic Mistress

Continued On Page 2

Effective immediately, the Motorcycle Riders Foundation office inWashington, DC will be closed until further notice. In light of thenational emergency that is taking place, and in keeping with thegovernment’s request to keep the phone lines clear, please do not try tocontact the office. Preparations for the upcoming Meeting of the Minds willcontinue, but the DC office will be closed for the time being.Beverly Waters and Tom Wyld are fine. They both made it into the officethis morning, but have since left and, for safety’s sake, will not returnfor an indefinite period of time.Please join us in keeping the family members and friends of the thousandsof victims of this senseless tragedy in your thoughts and prayers.Teri Hobbs, Assistant Director of Communications, MRF

THE FOLLOWING IS A NOTE FROM TOM WYLD REGARDING HIS OBSERVATIONS INWASHINGTON:

Capitol Hill has been evacuated, with Members and their staffs having leftfor home. Stores and restaurants on Pennsylvania Avenue are closed, and Iget the feeling we are on some enormous sound stage for a movie.

Sadly, with 10,000 dead in New York City, this is no movie.

At about 9 this morning, I walked over to Pennsylvania Avenue hoping tocatch a few staffers as I had heard some offices were closing. I heardwrong. Instead, I watched oceans of people pour from federal buildingshere, as the Mayor had declared a state of emergency and the Sergeant atArms had ordered the evacuation of the Congress of the United States. Bynoon, the streets around the Capitol Hill were all but deserted save forreporters and law enforcement officers.

Police cordoned off a one-block area around the House and Senate buildings,the Supreme Court and the Capitol Building. The barricade is one block fromthe MRF office, on East Capitol Street, N.E., and Second Street wheresome12 reporters spent most of the day. There, the reality begins to sinkin when you hear reporters drop the words “Pearl Harbor”

At this time (4 p.m.), there are still about 6 video cameras sitting in themiddle of East Capitol Street, all trained eerily on the dome of theCapitol Building. Still another camera and crew are atop the LutheranChurch of the Reformation, MRF’s neighbor a few doors down, similarlytrained on the dome.Customarily a friendly lot, the Capitol Policestationed at the entrances to the Supreme Court are stern-faced today, allarmed with fully-automatic rifles and short-barrelled pump-action shotguns.

As the networks covered a Pentagon aflame, the billowing smoke was visiblefor miles. One network camera positioned near the White House was trainedacross the river on the smoke from the Pentagon; in the foreground of thatshot was the Eisenhower Executive Office Building where MRF took ABATE ofIllinois to visit the President’s domestic policy staff.Times have changedso radically, so swiftly, it’s difficult to view that building in the sameway.

Perhaps the strangest part of the scene today, though, is sound —particularly the sound of fighter aircraft patrolling the skies above thenation’s capitol. Other than the occasional police chopper, you just don’thear aircraft of any kind in the skies over D.C., as the air space over theWhite House and Capitol Hill is restricted. About 10 a.m. I heard what Ithought was the sound of an explosion that seemed to emanate from the areadown toward the Rayburn House Office Building. Several others on the streetheard it, too; we soon dismissed it as a sonic boom, but it gets youlooking, listening. Anytime a plane was heard somewhere overhead, crews atSecond and East Capitol would hurriedly man their cameras, look through thelenses at the Capitol Building, and wait. Then a cameraman would say, “It’sone of ours,” and the crews would stand down.

Two AP reporters were walking down our street hoping to use someone’sland-line phone to call their office. (The cell phone system in D.C. hasgone crazy, I’m told; landlines are not much better.) I invited them to ouroffice; turns out I had worked for years with one of the reporters while atNRA. While walking around the block to grab lunch from the onlyestablishment on Pennsylvania Avenue that remained opened, she and Ihappened upon several Members of Congress, and she asked for theircomments. Florida’s Curt Weldon was on fire as he said that the first dutyof the Federal Government is the defense of the United States. “Politicianshave been bull-shitting the American people,” he said repeatedly (exactquote). Weldon was sharply critical of the intelligence establishment. Hehad just come from a security briefing by the U.S. Capitol Police,conducted at an undisclosed location. Weldon was outraged that the CapitolPolice received no intelligence heads-up whatsoever. Members of Congress(and the Capitol Police as well) learned that the United States was underattack by watching CNN. “Outrageous,” he said, “and it will not stand.”

The AP reporter also interviewed Senator and Mrs. Grassley of Iowa on 3rdStreet, a few doors down from MRF. The Senator used the phrase “act of war,but it was Mrs. Grassley who provided the reporter her favorite quote. I’llparaphrase: these people think that by killing other people along withthemselves, they will meet God. Today, they will realize they are wrong.

Even if we’ve seen the last of the attacks, things will change radically inWashington. Agendas are being rewritten and debated in the nearby homes ofstaffers and Members. Before Congress returns, every inch of House andSenate office buildings will be thoroughly searched for bombs. New securityprecautions will be instituted.Thus, it will be days before Capitol Hillresumes business as usual. And, judging from what we heard today, businessas usual in Washington is certain to be a thing of the past.

I have several letters going out, hopefully tomorrow, to various officialswithin the Administration urging new action on the issues of EPA, healthcare and traffic safety — issues where there is considerable distancebetween us and the Administration. I expect to close each letter with thesewords: “I hope we can work together to eradicate the distance between us onthese issues. Despite our distance, however, the bikers of America love ournation and support our President in this time of crisis, and we ask thatyou assure him of our prayers as he leads America through this dark hour.”

Tom Wyld

Continued From Page 3

HAD A HATE-MY-JOB DAY?–On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to thethermometer section. You will need to purchase a rectal thermometer madeby “Q-tip.” Be very sure that you get this brand. When you get home, lockyour doors, draw the drapes and disconnect the phone so you will not bedisturbed during your therapy.

Change to very comfortable clothing, suchas a sweat suit, and lie down on your bed. Open the package and remove thethermometer.

Carefully place it on the bedside table so that it will not becomechipped or broken. Take out the written material that accompanies thethermometer and read it. You will notice that in small print there is astatement:”Every rectal thermometer made by Q-tip is personally tested.”

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, “I am so glad I donot work in quality control at the Q-tip Company.”

FINAL TOYS FOR TOTS SCUTTLEBUTT–The SFPC actually told the Marine Corp to go fuck itself about six yearsago. We were the Toys for Tots Run (like everyone else). We let the Marinestake the toys to distribute until two things happened: First, at our run we wanted four or five toys to give to a few kids from the CancerCaring Center who attended the event. The Marines would not let us have itand a fight just about broke out. We ended up taking the toys and tellingthe Marines to go fuck themselves and this would be their last year gettingthe bikers’ toys; Second, we found out that all of the toys they collected (at least from ourrun) were sent to foreign countries and no toys went to any local kids….

That was it for them and we got hooked up with the local police agencies andthey distributed the toys to local kids and have been doing so since…

So now we are the Christmas Toys in the Sun Run and that’s our story…. andI’m sticking with it.

–Miami Mike
SFPC Publicity and Public Relations
Publisher Wheels on the Road Magazine

BIKERNET QUIZ–Q. What doesn’t belong on this list:Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob

A. Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs orwife, but you can’t beat a blowjob.

ALL AMERICAN CYCLE NORTHWEST NATIONALS presented by JOKER MACHINE COMING TOWOODBURN DRAGSTRIP, SEPT. 8-9–

AHDRA welcomes new sponsors for theupcoming Woodburn Ore., event on Sept. 8-9. All American Cycle ofPortland, Ore., has teamed with AHDRA, along with support from Joker Machine ofAzusa, Calif., to bring the thrills and excitement of 200 mph nitro-burning Harleyaction to Woodburn Dragstrip.

All American Cycle, in business since 1994, has been involved inprofessional drag racing with the AHDRA for several years in Pro Gascompetition. Mark Elam, owner of All American Cycle, has joined forces withfriend and 2000 Pro Modified Champion Steve Dorn on a newly built ProDragster bike for the 2001 season. Elam is the crew chief for the new BlackAttack Racing Team, and Steve Dorn serves as the pilot on the nitro burningmachine.

“It’s always been my dream to run a nitro-methane class, and with Steve’shelp, we have made this dream become a reality,” Elam commented. “There isnothing like the explosiveness and power of a fuel machine.” Steve’s veryfirst run on the new bike ended with ear-to-ear grins as he told Mark, “Thatwas awesome, I’ll never get on a gas bike again.” The team recently competedat the Pacific Nationals at Seattle International Raceway, coming away withtheir best time yet, a 7.777 at 170 mph.

Joker Machine has been a long-time supporter of classsponsorships in the AHDRA series. This year Joker Machine lends itssupport to the Pro Modified class and has also come on board for theNorthwest Nationals. Geoff Arnold of Joker Machine also makes time toparticipate in the action on his own Pro Modified bike. The Joker MachinePro Modified class is one of the toughest classes in AHDRA competition, withfull fields of entries at nearly every event.

The activities for the All American Cycle Northwest Nationals presented byJoker Machine will get underway Sept. 6, when All AmericanCycle hosts the official AHDRA Kick-Start party. There will be plenty of funfor racing fans, including drag bike displays and the finals of the “MissAll American Cycle” Bikini Contest. The contest winner will present theaward trophies to race winners at Woodburn Dragstrip.

Other exciting news from the All American Cycle Northwest Nationalspresented by Joker Machine includes a newly formed ride titled,LiverPalooza1. It is a ride designed after the infamous “Love Ride” in LosAngeles and is being headed up by 98.7/KUPL Radio to benefit awareness ofHepatitis C. Susan Barr, morning show host on KUPL, was stricken with thedisease and with help from country singer Naomi Judd’s doctor, who alsosuffers from Hepatitis C, Barr is in remission.

Barr’s morning show co-host, Lee Rogers of KUPL, vowed to put a charityevent together that would bring about awareness and help find a cure thatthreatened the life of his friend and co-worker. On Sept. 8,the ride will begin at Columbia Harley-Davidson in Vancouver, Wash. Thepolice-escorted ride will travel down I-5 to the Woodburn Dragstrip for theNorthwest Nationals. After the AHDRA qualifying session, participants willenjoy a free concert by Monument Records recording star Billy Ray Cyrus.Cyrus will also serve as the ride’s grand marshal. For moreinformation on the LiverPalooza1 Ride, contact Lee Rogers at (503) 497-2364, orColumbia Harley-Davidson at (360) 695-8831.

For more information on the All American Cycle Northwest Nationals presentedby Joker Machine, contact AHDRA at (336) 924-2095, or visit www.ahdra.com.

DISNEY CHARACTER STUDY–Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods whensuddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding aswordto her throat, said, “Red, I’m going to screw your brains out!”

To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into herpicnic basket and pulled out a .44 magnum and pointed it at him and said,”Noyou’re not! You’re going to eat me, just like it says in the book!”

SONNY BARGER SELLING MOTORCYCLE– Sonny is selling the 2000 Road King that he road across the country for his book signing tour. Check it out on eBay. Actually, not a bad price for the bike either. Should be interesting to see how high the bidding goes.Check It Out Here

–Ted

MORE NEWS ON THE CHIEF–On the news stands now: Rolling Stone magazine (#877, Sept. 13, Britney cover, page 48) finally rolls out the article Herb Gold wrote about Sonny more than a year ago, with old and new photos by Gene Anthony. It should give the youngsters something to wonder about.

The U.S. paperback edition of “Hell’s Angel” will be released in late September. In October, Sonny will appear for book signings in the southeastern states of Tennessee, Kentucky, North Carolina and South Carolina, ending at Daytona for Biketoberfest. Details are still being worked out, and when the itinerary is firm it will be posted and you will be notified by e-mail.

For those who do not think screen savers should be silent, there are new SonnySaver editions with sound. Download and hear some of Sonny’s most memorable quotes:http://sonnybarger.com/scr

BUSTED BUELL REPORT–Are we gonna see pictures of the duct-taped Buell with urinal biscuits taped to your knees? Cable TV sucks, get out of bed….besides, I have pictures of Layla. She’s not gonna want to hang out with a guy with bedsores.

–Flynch

I’ve been running laps ever since I got home. Yes, there will be busted Buell reports coming up, ya nosey bastard.–Bandit

BIKERNET SALOON ANNOUNCEMENT–A very attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quietrural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender,who comes over immediately. When he arrives, sheseductively signals that he should bring his facecloser to hers. When he does so, she begins to gentlycaress his full beard. “Are you the manager?” sheasks, softly stroking his face with both hands.

“Actually, no,” the man replies.

“Can you get him forme? I need to speak to him,” she says,running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

“I’m afraid I can’t,” breathes the bartender. “Is thereanything I can do?”

“Yes, there is. I need you to givehim a message,” she continues huskily, popping a coupleof fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suckthem gently.

“What should I tell him?” the bartendermanages to say.

“Tell him,” she whispers, “There is notoilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room.”

NABISCO PRESENTS BAG GUYS AND CORN NUTS– If you ride a motorcycle, then you just may be keeping some pretty interesting company, at least according to Nabisco and Kraft Foods. Nabisco’s “Corn Gone Wrong” promotion, hoping to give its Cornnuts snacks a new image, shows cartoonish characters in three “hardcore” scenes: as the devil, as criminals in jail, and in one more example of something gone wrong, on motorcycles.

What the hell? If we don’t have a bad image, cagers will be running over us constantly. Let the world know, we’re not to be fucked with.

BIKERNET DRINKING REQUIREMENTSSean got home in the early hours of the morning aftera night at the local pub. He made such a rackethitting the furniture as he weaved his waythrough the house, that he woke up the missus.

“Whaton earth are you doing down there?” she yelled downfrom the bedroom. “Get yourself up here to bed anddon’t wake the neighbors.”

“I’m trying to get abarrel of Guinness up the stairs,” he shouted.

“Leaveit ’till the morning,” she shouted down.”I can’t,” he said. “I’ve drank it!”

–Bikernet Morale Officer

BIKERNET SOCIAL ETIQUETTEHave you ever noticed that they put advertisements in with your billsnow? Like bills aren’t distasteful enough, they have to stuff junk mailin there with them. I get back at them. I put garbage in with my checkwhen I mail it in. Coffee grinds, banana peels…I write, “Could youthrow this away for me? Thank You.”

I’M OUTTA HERE–I can’t take it. The brothers are waiting in dowtown San Pedro, where all the antique cars and hot rods are lined up. I’ve got two women clamoring around the house and a funeral to attend tomorrow. I need a shot, some fresh air and a break from the computer. Have a helluva weekend.

–Bandit

CRAZYHORSE PROJECT BIKE–Here’s our latest project bike. I’ve attached two shots. Theyare kinda fuzzy (digital camera indoors). The bike will be up for saleright soon.Two killer big customs I’m painting will be done in the next few weeks.

ThenI’m zooming up to my home state of Connecticut for 10 days of visiting and ridingwith friends, hitting all the old haunts and biker bars. I’ll write up areport. I want to hang with Billy Streeter for a day or so and watch themaster work his magic painting skulls. It will bekiller to see all my old bike shops and painter buddies. I’m gonna try to getin a breakfast ride to Vermont. An old friend’s dad and his buds ride toVermont every Sunday morning. The leaves will be starting to changecolor. Spectacular days, chilly nights in leathers on the bike, riding backto the warm camaraderie of old friends. Can’t wait.

–JoAnn

TOY RUN EXPOSE–The country’s largest toy run, which claims to generate participationby tens of thousands of riders who donate tons of toys each yearfor sick and under-privileged children, was recently threatened with legalaction over its name.

There is a phenomenon in the advertising world most marketing professionalscan only dream about. It occurs when a product’s name becomes so well knownand accepted by consumers that it becomes the generic reference for allsimilar and subsequent products of the same type.

A perfect example is Kleenex. Regardless of who may be the actualmanufacturer of a box of “facial tissues,” most people refer to their papersnot rags as Kleenex.

When was the last time you put on a pair of “dungarees?” Regardless ofwhether they’re made by Lee, Dickies, Wrangler, Calvin Klein or some othercompany, chances are that in the minds of most consumers, those denim britches arestill Levi’s.

But when a “brand” name is owned by an arm of the government, you hadbetter damn well get your reference straight or they’ll send in theMarines. In this case, that’s exactly what happened.

In the case of Toys For Tots, you can expect a call from the U.S. MarineCorps ordering you to cease and desist or face the consequences of a legalbattle.

After 20 years of calling its annual event Toys For Tots, the DelawareValley Chapter of ABATE of Pennsylvania was given an ultimatum by the U.S.Marine Corps office at Quantico. Referring to a 1948 copyright, the Marinesfired a legal volley at the country’s most successful toy collection effortand threatened to sue if the name wasn’t changed immediately.

Unfortunately, because of copyright law, any defense against a Marine Corpslawsuit would be a costly, losing battle.

So if your group has unwittingly violated the Marine Corps’ copyright whilehelping the less fortunate kids in your area, we suggest you choose anothername for the event to avoid a call from Quantico. In fact, if your event issuccessful enough to garner any recognition from the media, we suggest youmake a point of noting that the Marines had absolutely nothing to do withit. They don’t deserve the recognition, falsely perceived or otherwise.

KING CLIMBS ON PODIUM TWICE AT SPRINGFIELD– Rich King wrapped up a strong weekend at the Illinois State Fairgrounds during the AMA Progressive Insurance U.S. Flat Track Championships, finishing second Sunday and third Saturday on the famed mile oval. However, with chances to win off the final turn in both races, the podium appearances were tainted with a tinge of disappointment.

“Going into that last turn, on both Saturday and Sunday, I thought we had it,” said King. “We did everything right but win.”

Chris Carr won both races on the mile oval, and claimed the series points championship. With two races remaining, King moved to second in overall points with 222 points, trailed by Joe Kopp with 213.

On Sunday, King began in row three after slight mechanical difficulties in his heat race and rode conservatively through the early laps of the final on his back-up bike. “The strategy was to conserve the tires for most of the race, and then to go for it with a chance to win on the final lap,” said King.

“I came off the final corner with a good run at it,” said King. “But I got a little sideways out of the corner, and Chris was able to nip me at the line. That was disappointing because I thought I had the win.”

On Saturday, King employed similar strategy, and came off the final turn in third, trailing Carr, who had the lead, and Jay Springsteen.

“I had a good draft and a big head of steam, but I thought Jay was going to draft on the right, and I opted to go inside Chris to the left,” said King. “Instead, Jay also went to the inside and I ran right into the back of his exhaust pipes. That caused a tense moment with a high-speed wobble, but we got it back under control.”

On the Fairground’s short track Friday, King placed a Buell Blast-powered dirt track racer on the front row of an AMA main event for the first time. In doing so, he won both his qualifying race and his heat race.

“It was running great and even though the Blast is a 500 going up against 600s, we had a great run,” said King who finished the final in 6th place

King’s next race will be Saturday, Sept. 8, in Vernon, NY. The race will be round 19 of the 20 round AMA’s Progressive Insurance U.S. Flat Track Championship series.

VISITING RELATIVES RULES– My friends…… from Pakistan are camping their way around the States.They have asked me if I know where they might be able to go without spending large amounts of money.

I said I would try my friends and family for accommodations. They travel light and bring all their own camping gear,and only require a small place to set up. I have given them your names and addresses, knowingyou won’t mind. I have enclosed a picture to helpyou identify them when they show up.

Thanks in advance.
Chris Camel

EDITOR OF WOMEN RIDER ESCAPES BANDIT–Bandit, in search of his sixth wife, has harassed Genevieve Schmitt, the editor of Women Rider, for years. She finally discovered the only way for her to escape his unrelenting affections was to get hitched quick.

She has done so and moved as far away from Los Angeles as she could, to Lebanon, Ohio. As the publisher of the first successful bike magazine for women, Ehlert, based in Minnesota, has afforded her the opportunity to work from wherever she lives. Her husband has been informed too many times of Bandit’s women-stalking tendancies, consequently he understands her plight and is supporting her desire to escape the grasp of the wounded Bandit.

Fortunately for the lovely, intelligent and talented journalist, Bandit was hospitalized by a deer on the way to Sturgis while taking a side trip to see his Wyoming sweetheart. That gave Genevieve the opportunity to leave the state undetected.

TOYS FOR TOT’S COMMENTS–?? ????????I read it but I don’t believe it. After all the support Bikers gavethe jarheads all over the country for many years, you’d think the Corpswould’ve been thankful. And look how many Bikers are ex-jarheads too. Itreally pisses me off to find out the toys went overseas. This is some reallypetty shit pulled by the Corps. let’s get our own name to be used by onlybikers and to hell with the Corps, “Semper Fi” my ass…….!!!!!!! ????????

–Pat

LOS ANGELES HAMSTERS RAID SAN PEDRO WITH LOCAL RIDERS–Los Angeles Hamsters are meeting in downtown San Pedro on Sept. 6 for the bars, the restaurants, the livemusic and hot rods.

If you’re up for a ride to somewhere away from traffic and crowds in Los Angeles, every first Thursday in downtown San Pedro is cool. Just take any freeway to the 110 and south to Harbor Boulevard. Hang a right to Sixth Street and hang another right. Ya can’t miss it.

The event is scheduled to rock from 6:30 p.m. until 2 a.m. It’s a goodtime for all.

TOYS FOR TOT’S COMMENT–Maybe Abate needs to have everyone change their toy runs to something likeKrus’in for Kids or something along those lines and have every groupthroughout the country change the toy run name and fuck the jarheads.

These are the things that keep me up at night.

–Jim

THE BEST BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR – SO FAR–A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his?attractive blond femaleneighbor came out of the house?and went straight to the mailbox. She openedit then?slammed it shut and stormed back in the house.

A little later she came out of her house again, went to?the mail box. She opened it, slammed it shut?again and went angrily back into the house.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again,marched to the mail box, opened it and?then slammed it closed harder thanever. Puzzled by?her actions, the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”

Towhich she replied, “There certainly is!

My stupid computer keeps saying, ‘YOU’VE GOT?MAIL.'”

Continued On Page 4

Continued From Page 1.

THE ELEVENTH COMMANDMENT–During a recent staff meeting in Heaven, God,?Moses and St. Peter concluded that the behavior of?former President Clinton and Rep. Condit had?brought about the need for an eleventh commandment.

They worked long and hard in a brain storming?session to try to settle on the wording of the new?commandment, because they had realized that it should?have the same style, majesty and dignity as the original ten. After many revisions, they finally agreed that the?eleventh commandment should be:”Thou shalt not comfort thy rod with thy staff.”

CYRIL HUZE VERTICAL L.E.D SIDEMOUNTS– These two?new vertical sidemounts incorporate a very bright taillight with two brightness levels for run and brake lights. They include the frame and backing plate and all necessary hardware. All components are machined from 6061-T6 billet aluminum and beautifully chrome plated. Choose between two styles: nostalgic “Kool Rod”?or art-deco “Victory”?design. Pick the bracket corresponding to the installation you prefer: axle, frame tubes (1 inch or 1 1/8 inch) primary, passenger peg?or shock mount.?Taillights are available as separate units to be installed on rear fenders.??

Cyril Huze
Tel: (561)392-5557
Fax: (561) 392-9923
Website: http://www.cyrilhuze.com
Webstore: http://store.cyrilhuze.com

BIKERNET RELIGIOUS RUMORS–An old man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:

Man: I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children,grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two collegegirls who were hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of themthree times.

Priest: Are you sorry for your sins?

Man: What sins?

Priest: What kind of a Catholic are you?

Man: I’m Jewish

Priest: Why are you telling me all this?

Man: I’m telling everybody.

Regan Varrone not only carries the title of crew chief forher husband Bucky and has the warmest smile on the track, but she alsotunes his Top Fuel bike. And you thought she was just for decoration.

BIKERNET DRAG RACING REMINDER–Have you checked out the latest feature in the Bikernet Drag Racing sectioncalled “Down the Track”? It is the points chart for the entire 2001 seasonshowing all race results broken down by race for each competitor. SinceAHDRA posts only the totals for the year-to-date, yet they supply me withALL the details, they have traded links with us. Bikernet now has a Webbanner on the AHDRA home page to guide rabid race fans here and we haveposted theirs in the “Down the Track” section as well.

I tried to rest on these laurels, but I’ve run into a mathematical snag:Only the top eight out of 13 races attended by a given racer are counted towardtheir national points total. This means I have to figure out how to countonly the eight best scores and yet still show you, the reader, all their scoresfor the season. So far, only four racers have attended all nine races to date,but after Woodburn, I’ll have to chase down The Digital Gangster and hookhim back up to the computer. Ever see those science fiction movies wherethey wire up the chicken to the guy? Keep your fingers crossed.

The Northwest Nationals at Woodburn, Ore., are this weekend, Sept. 8-9.Hope to see you there. If you need more information on the event, go towww.AHDRA.com

RIDER RESTROOM ADVICE–A biker is standing at a urinal when he notices that he’s being watched by a leprechaun.Although the little fellow is staring at him intently, the biker doesn’t get uncomfortable next to him, until the leprechaun drags a small stepladder up next to him, climbs it and proceeds to admire his privates at close range.

“WOW!” comments the leprechaun. “Those are nicest balls I have ever seen!”

Surprised and flattered, the biker thanks the midget and starts to move away.

“Listen, I know this is a rather strange request,” says the little fellow, “but I wonder if you would mind if I touched them.”

Again the biker is rather startled, but seeing no real harm in it, he obliges the request.

The leprechaun grabs the stool, climbs on it and reaches out to get a tight grip on the man’s balls, and says, “OK, hand over your wallet or I’ll jump!”

BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT–Well, the WCC is done! Just some minor details left, but at least it’srunning. The seat and fender are on the way, now the shakedown runs willtake place. Also the second bike is on the way, hope to keep everyoneposted on the progress. For those of you interested, it started on thefirst try and I took the maiden voyage an hour later.On the other hand, it’s been raining like crazy here, I guess since we arein the middle of hurricane season right now, watching those peskystorms as they cruise the Atlantic and hoping they avoid the Caribbean.

Now on another line of thought, it’s cool that since I have started writingfor Bikernet there are people calling and friends following every week’snews. Better yet, all have been positive remarks. It’s great to be ableto show you what’s up on our little island and the new projects from our shop.I have made the effort to do this every week and hope to keep on as longas a) I don’t bore anyone, b) Bandit allows me, c) we dont get a hurricane.Oh well, since this was a true Labor Day weekend for us, here is the news….

The MDA run was a wet one. Attendance was limitedby the rain, but I still saw a few brave bikers headingback in the pouring rain.

Custom Chrome Inc. will celebrate its annual dealer’s meeting in SantaClara, Calif., Sept. 29-31. The three-day event will be chockfull of their suppliers and dealers. IF you happen to be a CCI dealer orfriend, call them up and make sure to attend.

The Key West Poker Run is near. The run from Ft. Lauderdale to Key West isgreat, and Key West is a cool place to party. We did that ride one yearand are still talking about it. Remember, in Key West it is legal to drink inthe street and expose your breasts, what a fun combo! Call Peterson’s H-Dfor info.

The HOG Caribbean Rally is near. If you have interest in this ride throughPuerto Rico, call a Motorsport H-D dealer or send us an e-mail and we willshoot the info back. Bikes can be shipped from the U.S. for this event. It’s a blast.

Make sure to pick up a copy of The Horse magazine, November issue, in which some of ourPuerto Rican bikes will be featured, as well as an Iron Maiden. Check it out andlet us know how you like it.

Here are some photos of the almost-done WCC bike. Like I said before, there’s sometweaking left and things like the front fender and seat are on the way. Hope you guys dig it, the new owner certainly does…

–Jose, Caribbean Bikernet Report.

ANOTHER SALOON SAGA– An Irishman, an Italian and a Polish guy are in a bar. They arehaving a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice place. Then the Irishman says, “Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, back in Dublin, there’s a better one. At MacDougal’s, you buy a drink, you buy another drink and MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!”

The others agree that sounds like a nice place. Then the Italian says, “Yeah, that’s a nice bar, but where I come from, there’s a better one. Over in Brooklyn, there’s this place, Vinny’s. At Vinny’s, you buy a drink, Vinny buys you a drink. You buy anudda drink, Vinny buys you anudda drink.”

Everyone agrees that sounds like a great bar. Then the Polish guy says, “You think that’s great? Where I come from, there’s this place, Warshowski’s. At Warshowski’s, they buy you your first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you your third drink, and then they take you in the back and get you laid!”

“Wow!” said the other two. “That’s fantastic! Did that actually happen to you?”

“No,” he replied, “but it happened to my sister!”

Click For Larger .pdf View

–Chris T.

EFFECTING LEGISLATIVE CHANGES–If you want to find out what you can do to help protect yourconstitutional rights, listen up. If you want to meet a man who believes this,you can’t afford to miss this meeting. Come listen to state Sen.Edward Vincent speak and answer questions about how YOU can regaincontrol of your life. There isn’t a TV show, sporting event or much elsemore important that demands your time and immediate attention more thanthis. Don’t come crying to ABATE, AMA or the other motorcyclists’ rightsorganizations when you get told to: Get rid of those loud pipes boy; where is your Kevlar protective clothing boy?

WHERE: Mission Viejo Community Center
ADDRESS: 24932 Veterans Way, Mission Viejo, Calif.
WHEN: Oct. 23, 2001
TIME: 7:00 p.m.
HOST: ABATE Local 9
NO MORE EXCUSES
Information: Steve Bauman (949) 586-9468

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