BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–LIFE’S PLEASUREDOM DISCOVERED BY BIKERNET RESEARCH TEAMHey,

You didn’t know that Bikernet had a university grant to research the essence of life’s pleasures, did you? It creates an interesting quandry. By revealing our findings, our stock will rocket through the tar paper roof of the headquarters. We’ll become filthy rich and loose our grasp on our findings. Snake, our resident bum, Renegade, the angriest man on earth, and Oz, our political analyst, are in a heated debate over whether to unleash the findings to the world. The question is whether to be rich and saddled with time consuming material bullshit, or to wallow in the unrestrained ecstasy of knowing and living within the gilded framework of life’s pleasuredom? While the fist fight is disrupting our stock of busted and broken parts, I have some other announcements…

Bikernet Christmas Tree

Last week I gave thanks to some of the staff for their efforts at Bikernet and their friendship throughout the process. A couple of nights later, I awoke with a start. I knew I would forget someone in my haste to launch the news, and true to poor-form, I did. My mental mistake was also politically incorrect. It was all women and one brother who whines like a woman. Two nights later, the headquarters was broken into and I was lashed to my creaking California King while, one after another, these women sat on my… Believe me, I deserved far worse punishment. First, I forgot to mention Michelle McCarthy, who is no longer with us. In fact, she may now be working with Frank Kaisler at Hot Rod Bikes. Seems she was lured away to some hot dot-com company that shriveled up and blew away. She endured my inability to write for several long and torturous years. There’s the lovely woman who has taken her place recently, Jumpin’ Janet, and the knockout Sundance who founded The Cyber Cycles Bike Show, which is now the Bikernet Cyber Cycles Bike Show. The show is now sponsored by Chrome Specialities and is free to anyone who wants recognition for their custom or roadworthy accomplishment. If you want to enter, check the catagories. We’ve expanded them to include rat bikes and heavily road ridden machines. The prizes have been expanded and when the fight is over in the garage, we will begin creating our own trophies. Believe me, they’re different.

The lovely Sundance.

We are about to launch the entire Chrome Specialties Streetware catalog just in time for Christmas shopping. Watch for it. It contains more than 700 accessories and apparel for us scooter folks.

They can’t seem to come to a decision in the garage, and if they knock over the desk we’re building for little John Butter, I’m going to fly out there swinging. We better get to the news:

A Harley-Davidson Holiday Legend–Arthur Davidson, of the Harley-Davidson Motorcycle Corp., died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, “Since you’ve been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven.”

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, “I want to hang out with God.”

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.

Arthur then asked God, “Hey, aren’t you the inventor of woman?”

God said, “Ah, yes.”

“Well,” said Arthur, “professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention.
1. There’s too much inconsistency in the front end protrusion.
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust.
And finally, 5. The maintenance costs are outrageous.”

“Hmmmm, you may have some good points there,” replied God. “Hold on.” God went to his Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it. “Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,” God said to Arthur, “but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention thanyours.”

–Gunracer

BRAND NEW BOOK ON BIKER MOVIES– Mike Seate, with the assistance of Whitehorse Press, has launched a complete book on every biker movie from The Wild One to On Any Sunday. It’s cool and is available through Whitehorse Press, WhitehorsePress.com.

FOR KNUCKLEHEAD FANS–As the name suggests, Flathead Power in Sweden produces performance parts for Flatheads. However, they also now have a wide range of products for Knuckleheads. In fact, they will supply complete Knucklehead engines and, if required, complete bikes. Single and dual carburetors and even top fuel components and engines are available. Check ’em out at flatheadpower.com.

ORWELL UPDATE–We’re all excited to announce that Sam “Chopper” Orwell is on press today in Menasha, Wisconsin. The books should be in our hands by Wednesday of next week. I’m going crazy.

BIKERNET SUPERBOWL PARTY–Yep, that’s it. At the Blue Cafe in downtown Long Beach. I’ll have books and I’ll be signing ’em like a mad dog. Stop by and meet some of the staff, see us drink and fall down. Be able to blackmail members of the staff for years.

You’ve got to watch the Superbowl somewhere. Get a plane ticket and get out here. Don’t miss it. Be there, be there, be there!

CENTURY MOTORCYCLES ANNUAL CHRISTMAS PARTY DEC. 10–Have you been to a bike shop with character recently? Century Motorcycles has been selling bike parts in San Pedro, Calif., for some 40 years. The business is a combination of museum and junk yard of Eureopean, American and Japanese machines. Cindy, the owner, is the quirkiest bike shop proprietor on the planet. I recently interviewed her for Hot Rod Bikes. When asked what the most pleasurable aspect of owning her shop was, she didn’t hesitate. “The men,” she said emphatically. I’ll probably be there signing books.While I’m at it, check the January issue of Hot Rod Bikes. It contains an interview with the new Evel K., a kid named Bubba Blackwell who has been breaking records all over the country. Check the girl on the cover, too. Oooh ta, too-tah.

BUELL REPORT–We’ve discovered a custom oil cooler designed specifically for Buells. These CNC machined aluminum oil coolers for Buells are made by Ron’s Bike Shop and offered by German custom parts supplier Speed-point. Sold in pairs, they mount on the frame tubes below the gas tank and are available in a choice of polished or black anodized finishes. Check out www.speed-point.com

Mikuni For Sportsters And Buells

Mikuni HSR42 for Sportsters and Buells: Mikuni’s new HSR42 ‘Easy’ carburetor kits for Sportsters and Buells now work with the stock throttle cables, making the HSR42 easier and quicker to install. They are designed with an eight-roller bearing flat throttle slide assembly, which allows an unobstructed venturi at full throttle to flow more air and make more peak power. It offers more precision at all throttle settings to provide additional power, torque and fuel economy gains across the entire power band. The roller bearing throttle slide offers smoother throttle control and allows the use of a lighter throttle return spring. Check out www.Mikuni.com.

Breather and Pipe Kit

Hit 105 mph coming up the four-lane onramp over the weekend.The Buell race breather kit and the Vance/Hines pipe really improved the response on my 2000 M-2.

Installed a pairof Napoleon bar end mirrors to get rid to the stock Mickey Mouse-appearing units. The mirrors install in 10 minutes andcost $30 each. Had some interference with the lever ball ends, so I cut the balls off (neutered) my brake and clutch levers.

Next project is the installation of the carbon fiberX-1 style chin fairing. The fairing and hardware are sold separately. Will provide you with a hardware list after the installation.

–Agent M-2, Anson

Carb ModsOn your carb, start by drilling the slide to .109. This is a nominal/fraction size drill bit. Use the Dyno jet spring or cut two coils off the stock spring for starters. Use the 88 Sportster needle first. A spacer may or may not be needed. I use a .010 spacer under the head of the needle, but my heads have been reworked and flow better than the stock Thunderstorm Buell heads. Also my CV carb is bored.Start with H-D #45 slow jet, which it may already have. For the main jet, start with a stock H-D #185 size. Don’t use a Dyno jet kit! They cost way too much and it ruins your gas mileage.I know you have heard me say this before, but you should call Trock about boring and setting up the carb. I would do the mods above first. Then if you have the time, Dyno the bike. Actually, Dyno it before you do anything for a baseline.Keep notes on every change you do. Then you know what is working and what made the biggest change. I know time is always a problem. But there is really only one way to see what’s going on.Oh yeah, make sure your Buell has an idle speed adjuster cable with a small black knob. It should be by the frame and air box on top. If you don’t have it, get one. Makes setting the idle much less painful than without it.Try just taking the “L” tube inside the airbox out. Put in the plastic Venturi ring from Screamin Eagle. Also a K&N air filter for the air box. I know the air box looks funky to most people, but it does grow on you after a while.What’s good about the thing is it’s really a good still air box.Ah yes, the brakes. As you may have found out, the rear brakes don’t do a whole lot. So you have to learn to front brake. The front brake is one of Buell’s best features. You don’t really need two rotors/calipers for the street. I do agree with you though, it looks trick with a dual disk setup. PM makes the calipers for a dual setup. They are spendy though. Ferodo makes really good rotors and pads, also spendy. Both these guysare in your extensive “Link” page.

As for the shock mount recall, Bartels can run the VIN and tell you.Visually, the recall has an alum. split bell shaped looking cover with two clamps at the rear of the shock. At the front of the shock there is a U-shaped bracket that goes around the shock “eye” and is held in place by a serious two-piece clamping bracket. All this is designed for is tokeep the shock from coming apart if the ends of the shock break, which is very, very rare. It’s that abuse thing again.

I forgot to mention the air/fuel mixture screw on the CV. It’s located on the bottom of the carb, behind the float bowl, under the rear spigot. I drill a small hole (.078 DIA.) in the side of the boss about .100 from the bottom of the boss. This puts me just above the alum. plug and belowthe threads of the mixture.I then take a Snap-on curved pick (hook) and stick it in the drilled hole and push out the alum. plug, which I save.

Start by turning the screw in lightly til it bottoms, not too hard or you will fuck up the screw. Back it out about 2 1/2 turns to start. If this is good, push the plug back in the boss and stake it. Then silicone up the small hole.If the mixture screw gets lost or screwed up, a Kowalski Vulcan CV carb screw can be used. Don’t have the P/N here, it’s at work.

— Paul

Stoppys

Stoppys are front braking rear tire wheelies. If you really need to do this, try doing them starting at 20 mph. Grab a lot of front brake, you’ll feel the rear come up. Be ready to let go of that front brake fast! Bereally careful!I do not recommend any wheelie on a Buell. It is really hard on the rearshock and the front fork neck bearings. I like to check my neck bearings at the 2,500 mile service interveral. I have replaced a lot of these and it’s usually due to abusive riding. Also, the rear shock front mount bolts to the engine case. Lots of stress when you beat on the bike.

Start by grabbing a little more brake than usual at a normal stop. You can feel the rear of the bike lift up. You gotta remember the front brake on a Buell is very powerful and stops you like right now. If you feel comfortable, try them at 20 mph.Also, just put Charlotte, N.C., and drop the Charlotte H-D. Don’t need thephone calls that might come from this info.

Headwork

Also explaining that reworking the heads is really part of the total package but can be done later. This will put them in the 90-plus HP range. Ninety to 100 HP on a Buell is truly a rush.Hope all this helps. Would like to see the “Buell Report” be a success.For what it’s worth, if you’re in Phoenix, look up Scott Jensen. He is the service manager at Glendale H-D. He is a road racer and has raced Buells.He is the guy to see in Phoenix if you need help, ideas, etc. on Buells.That’s it for now.Later, Paul

BANDIT’S BIKER BARS–We have some 100 biker bars listed and shortly we will have the capability to show photos of the best bars in the country. Keep ’em coming. Next year I plan to ride cross country and I’ll need plently of places to gas up.

A WOMAN WAS LEAVING– a 7-Eleven with her morning coffee when she noticeda most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind. Behind the second hearse was a solitary womanwalking a pit bull dog on a leash. Behind her were 200 women walking singlefile.

The woman couldn’t stand the curiosity. She respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said, “I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I’ve never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?”

The woman replied, “Well, that first hearse is for my husband.”

“What happened to him?” The woman replied, “My dog attacked andkilled him.”

She inquired further, “Well, who is in the second hearse?”

The woman answered, “My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her.” A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between the twowomen.

“Can I borrow the dog?”

“Get in line.”

BIG DOG MOTORCYCLES JOINS BIKERNET– Sheldon Coleman, the CEO of Big Dog, and Nick Messner, president, cut their salaries to afford the company the opportunity to become part of the Bikernet team of sponsors. It’s steep, but we’ll make it worth their while. You’ll see the entire line-up of Big Dog Bikes for 2001, plus we hope to assist them with unloading their surplus parts, so watch for more deals in the future.

HANDFUL OF HARDPARTS–Ed Martin of Chrome Specialties has asked me to select a handful of hard parts from their catalog to carry in our shop on Bikernet. I will be looking for unique, quirky and solid shit. What interests me is jockey shifts for Evolutions, and weird shit like that. Watch for them in the StreetWare and Dare area.

BIKERNET SPONSORSHIP PROGRAMS– We have a program for the companies that end up on our home page and we’re still looking for a couple more. We have a limit on how many companies we will take, so we want the best non-competitors. For instance, Daytec is one of the mix as our frame manufacturer. We won’t let any other frame manufacturers into the sponsorship program until their contract is up. We are looking for a brake manufacturer to complement the crew. If you’re in the business and need specific info on this program, drop a note to Oz@bikernet.com. For banner advertising, write Sinwu@bikernet.com. Next week we’ll come out of the closet and post our advertising rates and programs on the site.

NEW PARTS LIST–

1 – 4 Speed Harley transmission fits 1965-1984 Big Twin (rebuilt)$1000.
1 Roadstar 16-inch spoke wheel in box$250.
1 Revtech 16×3 front rally style billet wheel complete$350 each.
1 Sturgis 16×3 1/2 front Mirage style billet wheel complete$350.
1 Sturgis 16×3 1/2 rim only Daytona style billet wheel$250.
2 Sturgis front rim hubs non-brake side for single brake set-up$50 each.
1 Sturgis 16×3 1/2 rims only Rally style billet wheel$250.
1 Sturgis 16×5 1/4 Rear Roadstar style billet wheel with brake side hub(needs pulleyside hub available from Sturgis wheel) Sturgis Roadstar billet rear beltpulley $700.
1 Attitude style Sturgis billet rear belt pulley$300.
2 CCI 47-098 70 tooth rear pulley multi-spoke$275 each.
2 American Quantum billet aluminum anti-reversionary front ends – ready tobolt on. $700 each.
5 Billet aluminum inner primarys to fit FXR$500 each.
5 Billet aluminum outer primary covers to fit FXR$500 each.
4 H-D inner primarys to fit FXR$200 each.
10 Sets of 4140 Steel EVO connecting rods$50 set.
5 S&S connecting rod sets part number 34-7010$150 set.
2 Spyke starter jackshaft kits CCI 28-677 big twins 89-93$70 each.
3 5-speed Harley-Davidson taper shaft diaphgram clutch assembly with Kevlarclutch plates $400 each.
Heavy billet aluminum 5-Speed transmission doors polished and bearings$150 each.
7 Jims pinion gears 24045-78 green to 89$30 each.
3 Jims pinion gears 24043-78 red to 89$30 each.
1 set CCI 15-294 6-gallon gas tanks H-D FXST 1984-96 & custom frames$100 set.
5 CCI 13-383 Russell stainless steel disc brake rotors (oem 41813-79) Retail$ 79.95 – Dealer $55.25 – Rogue $50 each.
5 CCI 13-381 Russell stainless steel disc brake rotors (oem 41791-79A) Retail$79.95 – Dealer $55.25 – Rogue $50 each.
1 CCI 09-880 adjustable rear mini shaker floorboard set Retail $ 179.95 -Dealer $116.95 – Rogue $100.
1 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve head front new Retail $295.68 – Dealer $197.12$195.
1 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve head front new Retail $295.68 – Dealer $197.12$195.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-Valve heads front, minor repair needed on some(guide,seat,threads) Retail Price $295.68, – Dealer $197.12 But has guides& seats alreadyinstalled.$150 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve heads rear, minor repair needed on some(guide,seat,threads) Retail Price $295.68, – Dealer $197.12 But has guides & seats alreadyinstalled.$150 each.
1 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve front rocker boxes complete, need to be reshimed$395 each.
1 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve rear rocker boxes complete, need to be reshimed$395 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve front rocker boxes Retail $184.20- Dealer$122.80 $75 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve rear rocker boxes Retail $184.20- Dealer $122.80$75 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve front exhaust rocker arms Retail $159.38- Dealer$106.25 $75 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve front intake rocker arms Retail $159.38- Dealer$106.25 $75 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve rear intake rocker arms Retail $159.38- Dealer$106.25 $75 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve rear exhaust rocker arms Retail $159.38- Dealer$106.25 $75 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve rocker box covers Retail $86.52- Dealer $57.68$25 each.
10 dual carb plenums for Feuling-Quantum 4-valve heads Retail $95.07-Dealer$75. $50 each.
10 intake plenum runners for Feuling-Quantum 4-valve heads Retail $87.42-Dealer $58.28 $25 each.
50 Feuling-Quantum intake valves Retail $12.15- Dealer $8.10$8.10 each.
50 Feuling-Quantum exhaust valves Retail $11.03- Dealer $7.35$7.35 each.
50 Feuling-Quantum rocker shafts Retail $17.03- Dealer $11.35$11.35 each
50 Feuling-Quantum Oversize Intake Valve Guides Retail $5.45- Dealer $3.63$3.63 each
50 Feuling-Quantum Oversize Exhaust Valve Guides Retail $5.45- Dealer$3.63 $3.63 each
50 Feuling-Quantum Oversize Intake Seats Retail $7.50- Dealer $5$5 each
50 Feuling-Quantum Oversize Exhaust Seats Retail $7.50- Dealer $5$5
20 Feuling-Quantum Commetic Head Gaskets for Non-O-Ring Heads$15 each.
20 Feuling-Quantum Rocker Box Cover Gaskets w/Sealer built in$10 each
10 Feuling-Quantum Inner Valve Springs $ 4 each
4 Feuling-Quantum Outer Valve Springs $ 5 each
*** 8 Feuling 4-Valve Front Rocker Boxes for Sportster or 4Cam V-Twin$200 each.
*** 8 Feuling 4-Valve Rear Rocker Boxes for Sportster or 4 Cam V-Twin$200 each.
*** 8 Feuling 4-Valve Front exhaust rocker arms for Sportster or 4 CamV-Twin $150 each.
*** 8 Feuling 4 Valve Front intake rocker arms for Sportster or 4 CamV-Twin $150 each.
*** 8 Feuling 4 Valve Rear intake rocker arms for Sportster or 4 Cam V-twin$150 each.
*** 8 Feuling 4 Valve Rear exhaust rocker arms for Sportster or 4 CamV-Twin $150 each.
*** 8 Feuling 4 Valve Plenun chambers for Sportster or 4 Cam V-Twin$100 each.
5 Sets of Billet fender struts to fit Boyce frames$100 set
10 Front Ofset motor mount black powdercoat Boyce frames$25 each
10 Front Ofset motor mount Chrome KB 01-301 Boyce frames$30 each
5 Petcocks CCI 25-253 & Chrome Spec. 260366$10 each
3 Petcocks CCI 27050 Accel$30 each
20 Steel motormount stablizer (turnbuckle complete) rubber mount 5 speeds$40 each
5 FXR Chrome Kickstands$50 each
1 Sumax #8635 Front Fender $100.$50.
1 Sumax #8650 Front Fender $100.$50.
1 Sumax #8651 Front Fender $100.$50.
1 Sumax #8654 Front Fender $156.$75.
1 Sumax #8604 W Rear Fender $158.$75.
1 Sumax #8609 W Rear Fender $127.$60.
1 Sumax #8617 W Rear Fender $114.$55.
1 Sumax #8619 W Rear Fender $119.$60.
1 Sumax #8656 W Rear Fender $192.$95.
3 CCI 13-389 Russel Stainless Oil Lines for FXR 1987 – 1990 Retail$143.95 – Dealer $99.35 – Rogue $80.
3 CCI 13-387 Russel Stainless Oil Lines for Softail 1990 – 1992 Retail$156.95 -Dealer $109.15 – Rogue $90.
1 Dunlop 491 MT90B16-71H Front Tire $70.
1 Metzler Perfect ME-99A (150/80X16) Rear Tire $70.
TO VERIFY SUMAX Fenders Prices and other info e-mail info@sumax.com andask. Other stuff like seats, stainless lines and cables to be listed later as Iam still sorting parts. Prices subject to change and some parts are limited. 4-valve parts are available fully assembled and ready to bolt on. Mail forprices and details

–rogue@bikerrogue.com

HOW TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY– At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.

Insist that your e-mail address is: Xena-Warrior-Princess@companyname.com or Elvis-the-King@companyname.com

Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

Put your garbage can on your desk and label it “IN.”

Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.”

Sing along at the opera.

A November entry in the Vintage Chopper Class sent in by Frank Pedersen of Olathe, Kansas.

CALL FOR ENTRIES–“November will soon be only a distant memory. Hurry now to enter your ride in the Cyber Space Bike Show! Sundance is accepting entries for this month until midnight Nov. 30. The Digital Gangster has made online entry so easy, your 3-year-old could do it! Not to mention, it’s the only place on the Web where you can enter for FREE and still win great prizes!

If you don’t manage to enter by the end of November, no sweat! Sundance runs the bike show every month and she’ll be happy to receive your entry next month. Slide by the bike show if you’d like to check out the current competitors. There are some sharp-looking bikes and some interesting comments. Then watch for the winners to be posted the first week of December. Check it out to see if our talented, unbiased judges picked the bike you liked best!”

BIKERNET BABE FROM THE BIG APPLE REPORT–Oh, I’m writing stuff for Bikers-Dream, not Ultra, though, I should maybehelp out there too.

This Sunday is the annual Toys for Tots run in Queens, N.Y. We get about 20,000attendees. Pretty good. Lots of clubs, city folks, etc. Nice bikes too.If I can make it back into town by then, I’m going. I’ll write some stufffor you and snap photos.

For what it’s worth to ya, I’m going to the opening reception on Dec. 8 forthis too:
The Great New York Motorcycle Show
Dec. 9 through April 10
Exhibition Hall

On Dec. 9, the New York State Museum will open a first-of-its-kindexhibition of motorcycles invented and manufactured in New York state. NewYork pioneered the invention and early manufacture of motorized two-wheelersand continues to produce a rich variety of motorcycles for utilitarian use,pleasure riding and competition. The Great New York Motorcycle Show willinclude them all, from the first motorized bicycles of the 1890s through the77 cubic-inch Emblem touring machines of the 1910s and the dual-purpose(on-off road) Yankees of the 1970s to the exotic custom cruisers of today.The exhibition will also include engines, catalogs, posters and photos. Inconjunction with the exhibition, the museum is publishing a book, “TheMotorcycle Industry in New York State: A Concise Encyclopedia of Inventors,Builders and Manufacturers,” which will be available in its gift shop.

This exhibition is sure to be a major Albany event…one perfect forthose of you who were born to be wild. Museum members are invited to attenda reception to preview this exciting exhibition on Dec. 8 at 6p.m.

Sex Prevents Heart Attacks–Men: How would you like to cut your risk of a major heart attack or strokein half–and have fun in the process? Britain’s University of Bristolreports that men can do just that by having sex three or four times a week.Basically, the good cardiologists have determined that sex is as legitimatea form of exercise as a game of squash or a long run. In the groundbreakingstudy, researchers questioned 2,400 men in Caerphilly, Wales who had nohistory of major diseases. They asked the men a wide range of questions,including whether they had sex once, twice, or three or more times a week.

“What was found when the men were followed up over the next 10 years wasthat those who’d had three or more orgasms a week were half as likely tohave had a heart attack or a stroke,” said Shah Ebrahim, a professor at theUniversity of Bristol. “We’re now moving to a situation where we would saythat even mild to moderate levels of physical activity are likely to havesome cardiovascular protective effect,” he added. –Cathryn Conroy

–From John Siebenthaler

BLUE FLAME FIRED UP AGAIN–The Blue Flame was burning down the highways during the Love Ride, sportin’ a new steel stretched Independent Gas Tank Co. tank. Paul Yaffe of Phoenix solved the very explosive mistake I made in mounting the Sportster tank by welding mounting tabs on the frame that support the new tank with rubber mounts. The tech is in the garage and this is living proof that the Flame is alive and on the road with new paint from Harold Pontarelli of H-D Performance in Sacramento. Check the tech and watch for a bike feature on my favorite rigid in the March issue of HOT Bike.Check the new air cleaner from Paul Yaffe Originals in Phoenix. Gives it that bad ass chopper look.

QUOTE FROM THE RICH AND FAMOUS– * (On going to war over religion) — “You’re basically killing each other to see who’s got the better imaginary friend.” -Yasir Arrafat (PLO leader)

* “Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.”-Sharon Stone

* “My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee – the natural enemy of a tightrope walker.” -Dan Rather (News anchorman)

* “I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with ‘Guess’ on it. I said, “Thyroid problem?'”-Arnold Schwarzenegger

THE NAME GAME– We are continuing to give medium or 2X T-shirts to riders who submit prospective titles for our “In the Wind” section. Give it your best shot or send us a flick that will melt thousands of monitors in a single nano-second. Don’t forget to send along your shirt size and address. T-shirts are flying outta here. Here’s another submission:

Oh mighty Wordsmith, how about Vagabond Voyeurfor your Wind page?

It comes from my road anthem. If you don’t like it,maybe the lyrics will inspire you to come up with aname.

–FTW,Stroker

WHEREVER I MAY ROAM

…and the road becomes my bride
I have stripped of all but pride
so in her I do confide
and she keeps me satisfied
gives me all I need .
..and with dust in throat I crave
only knowledge will I save
to the game you stay a slave

rover, wanderer
nomad, vagabond
call me what you will
but I’ll take my time anywhere
free to speak my mind anywhere
and I’ll redefine anywhere
anywhere I may roam

where I lay my head is home
…and the earth becomes my throne
I adapt to the unknown
under wandering stars I’ve grown
by myself but not alone
I ask no one

…and my ties are severed clean
the less I have the more I gain
off the beaten path I reign
rover wanderer
nomad vagabond
call me what you will

but I’ll take my time anywhere
I’m free to speak my mind anywhere
and I’ll never mind anywhere
anywhere I may roam
where I lay my head is home
but I’ll take my time anywhere
free to speak my mind
and I’ll take my find anywhere
anywhere I may roam
where I lay my head is home
carved upon my stone
my body lie, but still I roam
wherever I may roam

Finally get a compliment from your ass and it’s not my work!Wouldn’t ya know it. My road anthem is a Metallica song.

Just thought you should know, as it is copyrighted. Don’tknow if that affects you posting it or not. Just don’t giveme credit for writing it.

I’ll keep trying, maybe someday my own writing will earn acompliment. Still want to try fiction someday. Been busyas shit lately and haven’t written a damn thing.

Congratulations on your first year! Keep up the good work.

–FTW,Stroker

HEY!– You evil rat bastard! What am I, chopped liver? I founded Bikernet.com East and you forget to thank me and my entire staff, Big Lucy, Apache, myself. If it weren’t for me, you would have never gotten into motorcycling in the first place. You’d have stayed in sewing school and been a queer fashion designer. You swine. You’ll pay for this, Ball.

–Don Zebra

The sound of E.T. walking was made by someone squishing her hands injelly.

JENNY– from Biker’s Choice let me know that their top salesman died of a massive heart attack the other day, and that I needed to live life to the fullest because you never know. It’s actually unlikely that a heart problem would stop me in my tracks, maybe splitting lanes at 90 in downtown traffic on a Friday night, but not some goddamn illness. The point is that there is heaven all about us. We just need to slow down to touch it, let it fill our lungs and glide away on a cloud of it.

The key is to stop and take stock of what makes you happy, really happy, like orgasm happy. Then focus on those elements of life and fuck the rest. I’m not prescribing that you take a powder on the boss, or maybe I am. Take, for instance, my humble existence. What truly rocks my boat: Sex, building bikes, sex, writing, women and riding. So I took stock of my life, saved a few coins and eliminated everything else. If I had a lot of money, I’d have more crap that would take up my time. So stop what you’re doing, grab someone soft and let her take you away (I do this each and every night) where you can focus on what makes your life a pleasure. Then figure out how to stay there. In other words–Let’s ride.

–Bandit

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–THANKSGIVING CANCELED, TURKEY DRUNK

Hey,

As the sun created a fireworks display over the L.A. Harbor this morning, the Dark-Haired One slipped into the turkey chasin’ mode and hit the stores. I knew the news was slight, but the show must go on.

It’s actually a perfect opportunity to thank the staff for the hard work and dedication they’ve put into this start-up biz. Ya see, when I departed ER, my intentions were to get drunk and write books. Well, actually, it was to chase women and write books. I only get drunk when I can’t find a soft touch–I get depressed. A couple of brothers told me that the site was cool and I should go after it. I hesitated, but finally decided that we would give it all we had for the year, then take a step back and review what we had accomplished. Well, it’s been a helluva year.

The credit needs to be piled on the few, the proud and the mean: Jon Towle, for his creative ability and his divorce, which slanted everything he drew; Ladd “Nuut Boy” Terry and his lovely wife, Debbie, for helping me drive every nail into the Bikernet headquarters, and for Nuut Boy’s contributions and Bikernet guidance; The Digital Gangster for his round-the-clock Website diligence, unrelenting drive to create new programs and build the site, and Oz for his censorship standards (keeps me on the straight and narrow), and help when he isn’t involved with some political campaign. He’s currently consulting for Harley-Davidson and running for membership on the AMA board. Soon he’ll be such a damn heavyweight he won’t talk to us at all. I want to thank the Dark-Haired One, for her support and disdain for everything healthy that I eat. She cringes at protein shakes, squirms at steamed vegetables and turns her head at tuna salads. Of course there’s Sin Wu, who is a flower in a bucket of bolts, as she moves seductively through the war rooms and heated discussions keeping the accounting in order, helping advertisers and stroking my leg.

I want to finally thank all the sponsors on the site who believed in us enough to jump on board. It’s what keeps me in Top Ramen and Jack Daniels, Markus Cuff in film and the parts in the garage. We need to get to the news, but just one more thing. This year, unlike many in the past (even though I was working in the business), I felt the pure adrenaline joy of being a biker.

Here’s a glimpse of the interior of the Bikernet headquarters.

I’ve spent more time this year in the saddle, in the garage and on the road than many years in the past. There’s nothing like being a biker: The romance of cutting through the streets in the wee hours to her house in the ghetto; working in the garage from dawn to dusk to make another machine unique, or to try something new. Calling pals all over the country to find out what the fuck I’m doing wrong now, and enjoying the power of busting your ass for months on a machine that will cut traffic like wire through cheese. There’s nothing like it, so if you can, turn off the goddamn computer, roll that sucker into the street and find a turkey to attack. Let’s ride.

CONTEST WINNERS–

We have contest winners for the name of our “In the Wind” section and from the photos that are now up in the Freedom Photo section (we haven’t decided on a final name yet). There’s David E. from Grapeville, Penn., and Dave Dinneen from Melrose, Iowa. Each one will receive a double XX original Bikernet T-shirt. Paul Morris from Ventura, Calif., suggested “Knees in the Breese,” which we all thought sucked, but he gets a T-shirt anyway.

Photos are in and the section is up. Have A Look

WINO JOE ON TURKEY DAY–Mr. Bandit and crew, I figure y’all are in a rush to head over thahills/thru tha woods to Grandma’s house to eat her food. ThisOl’Cherokee is from the Turtle Band, so I’ll just take my time and when Iget there, I’ll eat Grandma:)

–Ride On! Wino Joe, USA

BRENDA, BRENDA, BRENDA–She works for Bartel’s Harley-Davidson, but she’s actually the property of Bikernet. The Orange County Hells Angels and the New York chapter are trying to kidnap her. While she’s still tied up in the Bikernet basement, you can see what we’re doing to her new Deuce on the site. Check the H-D section and she’s even in the Samson section. Damn, she gets around. Last week the fleet center retuned her carb (that better be all they did), and installed a Screamin’ Eagle ignition. Not sure I like the sound of that one. We’ll post the results here on the site.

FOUR WOMEN IN TEXAS–When one woman calls, that’s cool, but when I get to four, I call my travel agent. This week I spent a couple of long nights in Dallas, but I must have forgotten to brush my one tooth before I left because Jenny left town as soon as I arrived. Kelly left me at the airport, Lena, from Dallas Easyriders, (my sixth wife to be) refused to have lunch with me and Dawn made up for all the rest. I spent a day with the riders of Chrome Specialties, one hell of an upbeat group, all striving to make Chrome Specialties a stand-out distributor of custom parts for the hardcore and chopper enthusiast.

In the next couple of days, you will see the entire Streetware apparel line launched on Bikernet. Yep, you’ll be able to pick from over 750 items, including Jesse James apparel, Bad Pig and Prison Blues. This is cutting-edge, bad-assed, asphalt-dirty, slick shit. The first thing I’m ordering is a couple pairs of Prison Blues denims. They even have a pair of fleece-lined denims. Prison Blues are made by Oregon prisons and are cut to fit like shackles on a road gang.

FLORIDA TO BE DROPPED FROM THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA– WASHINGTON, D.C. – Following an emergency meeting Wednesday morning,Congress unanimously voted to excise Florida from the United States of America.The move was a reaction to the confusion and irregularities in the state’s voting numbers that have totally disrupted the 2000 presidential election. “This is the last straw,” said Utah Sen. Orin Hatch. “First Elian Gonzales, now this.”

Several congressmen told reporters the decision has been a long time in coming. “We’re all pretty much sick of Florida,” said Rep. Barney Frank. “They’ve been a constant embarassment for too long now.” AddedFrank, “They had Dan Marino for a while, but what have they done lately? Oh that’s right, screw up our entire democracy. I forgot”

In a speech on the Senate floor, Massachussetts Sen. Ted Kennedy commented that the loss of Florida’s sizable elderly population will freeup billions of dollars in Social Security funds. “These are valuable funds which can now be redirected toward national defense. We can finally rebuild our demoralized, weakened military,” said the senator to roaring applause.

As a result of the Florida screw-up, the House and Senate decreed a new election will take place in early December. This time, ballots in eachstate will be tabulated by robots. “It is clear that our human vote-counting system is too inherantly flawed,” said Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert. “The presence of these new, superior robot mast- err, I mean – tabulators will ensure 100 percent accuracy.” “Remember,” said Hastert, “every vote counts, especially if it’s counted by robots.”

Dynamiting will begin in Florida next Wednesday, after which the statewill be completely geographically seperated from the United States. “After that, they’re on their own,” said Hastert. “I hope they sink.

WRENCH’S BIKE BARN–Watch for new bikes coming to the Bike Barn on a regular basis from the publisher of HardTail magazine The Real Deal, the only rag on the market devoted solely to rigids and traditional choppers. The rough riders are back and running strong.

Quantum MEMO–
From: Murray Smith [mailto:aceo@home.com]
Sent: Monday, November 20, 2000 4:32 PM
To: rogue@bikerrogue.com
Subject: Quantum

Hi Rogue, it’s Murray Smith. I just finished reading bikernet.com and allof its back issues. Great stuff! I don’t know what Starke is up to, buthe should at least have his facts right. I was neverCEO of Quantum, I still remain the sole director of American MotorcycleCompany (a wholly owned sub of Quantum). Rick Block and I did go to NewYork and are both working 16 hours a day trying to save the company.

There is a hearing in Orlando on Dec. 4 that should tell all.There are a lot of good people working hard and praying for Quantum tomake a comeback. Rick and I are doing both.

I do not have time to waste on anyone who is not working with us. Ifyou’re not with us, get the fuck out of the way.

Anyway, I hope to see you and the rest of the team soon. Please feel freeto e-mail anytime or call (416) 250-7051.

–Murray

This is Dave and Steph from the Love Ride. We are still accumulating photography for our extensive Love Ride coverage, which will go live as soon as we’re sure no one will be arrested or busted for being with the wrong babe. This couple is cool. We checked ’em out.

ANOTHER WINNER IN THE NAME GAME–Here’s a list of some names for a road-worthy site. I know I need to slow down on the wacky weed, but what the hell, I’m outta whiskey. Hope to read about the Love Run tomorrow. I hope you had a helluva time and tell us those stories that legends are made of.

Here are some suggestions for names of the new addition to Bikernet about being on the road.

— Smack

A little gas and a sore ass any and everywhere
A million cars and new bars
A million past and a million to go
Anywhere but here
Ass calluses
Backroads pleasure treasure
Baggers to bungee cords
Bedrolls and backroads
Bedrolls and chuckholes
Bedrolls and tent poles
Been there but I’ll be back
BFE
Blacktop
Break away
Bungee cords and bushes
Burn’t rubber
Chaps and chuckholes
Coast to coast
Constant thunder
Cool, crisp and clean the road machines
County lines
Cruisin and outdoor snoozing
Curves and corners
Dawn to dusk
Twists and turns
Etching new trails
Every which way the wind blows
Flying gravel
Forward controls
Fouled plugs and freeways
Freaks and film
Freedom from freeways to farm roads
Freeway flights
Freeways to farmland
From molehills to mountains
FTW I’m seeing it!
Gas grabbers
Genuine hard asses
Getting around
Glutton for the road
Good vibrations
Grid what?
Greasy spots and frozen snot
Hardcore highway
Hell bent for traveling
Hemorrhoids and hard tails
Here and there
Home is the highway
Kings and queens of the road
Leather asses
Live to ride
Loving leathers
Map markers
Meetin’ and greetin’
Miles and piles
Miles behind
No gridlock
No substitute
Oil stains and ass pains
Old places new faces
Old roads new friends
Open road warriors
Outta here
Photos and fairways
Pissin’ in the snow
Pissing blood
Porta potties and potholes
Rain, sleet, snow, and the winding road
Reliable rumble
Righteous road ramblers
Road signs
Road trips
Road worthy
Running streams and nice scenes
Rural route ramblers
Saddle shifting
Saddle sores
Saddle surfers
Saddlebags and hags
See ya later
Seeing it all
Sled heads
Spent miles
Spinning spokes
Spinning spokes and billet blacktop
Squatting in the bushes
Super shiftin’
T’aint here, t’aint there
Tales and smells
The open road
The outside track
The real feeling
The room with the view
The scene
The wayward road
Toilet paper and road rations
Tread wear
Trips and tramps
Turnstile tramps
Twistin’ the wick
Two-wheel views
V-twin dreams & scenes
Weather love
Whereabouts unknown
Whispering winds
White line times
Wind blown
Wind-chill
Wish you were there
Worn tread

THE AIM/NCOM MOTORCYCLE E-NEWS SERVICE– is brought to you by Aid to Injured Motorcyclists (A.I.M.) and the National Coalition of Motorcyclists (NCOM), and is sponsored by the law offices of Richard M. Lester. For more information, call us at (800) ON-A-BIKE. Visit us on our Website at http://www.aimncom.com

Good news from the UK!! Due to diligent work on the part of MAG (Motorcycle Action Group), motorcycles are now recognized as part of the solution to traffic congestion, not part of the problem! They will notbe charged a toll (the ”congestion charge”) to enter central London. The logic of MAG’s campaign to promote motorcycles to combat pollution and congestion took hold in Britain. Good news indeed for our brothers and sisters in that part of the world. Time for the REST of the world to take note!

CUSTOM CHROME has instituted a virtual showroom on the Internetfeaturing interactive 3-D. Customers can look at parts from all angles and decide if they want to buy them without driving across town and maybe not being satisfied and coming home empty handed. Now you can look first and THEN drive across town. Neat stuff, huh?

LAS VEGAS: We all remember hearing about that stunning motorcycleshow the Guggenheim Museum put together last year. Well, now they plan tobuild on the Vegas Strip in two places. The Guggenheim Las Vegas and the Hermitage Guggenheim Museum will be built by the prize-winning architect Rem Koolhaas in the Venetian Resort-Hotel-Casino.

The gallery’s inaugural exhibition will be “The Art of theMotorcycle” that opened at the Guggenheim Museum in New York in 1998, and receivedlots of kudos from the motorcycling community, including a Silver Spoke Awardfor Arts from the National Coalition of Motorcyclists.

CHINA again: This time, well, it’s “electrifying.” They’ve gotthis Jumping Antelope brand of electric bikes that are going to be a bighit all over Asia real soon. The Jumping Antelope brand of electrically operated motorcyclesare built by the Suzhou Little Antelope electrically operated Motorcycle Co.Ltd. in Jiangsu province. The bike has been chartered as the anti-pollution vehicle in the 21st Century by the Ministry of Foreign Trade and Economic Cooperation. What’s more, over 1,800 Jumping Antelope motorcycles have been exported to the United States, Italy, and Thailand.

DAYTONA BEACH, Fla.: The Florida insurance industry is renewing a callto force bikers to strap on helmets after the deaths of five people during Biketoberfest this year. (Four people died last year, according to DocReichenbach, president of ABATE of Florida and chairman of the board ofNCOM, and attendance at this year’s event was much higher because it waslid-free.) The AAA and health and safety organizations fought hard during last spring’s session of the Florida Legislature trying to block the repeal that allows bikers older than 21 to ride without helmets as long as they carry $10,000 in medical insurance.

The insurance industry lost that legislative battle, conceding defeat only after Florida Gov. Jeb Bush signed the new helmet bill into law last June.

This is more proof the helmet fight isn’t over anywhere we manage towin, folks. They will come back at us with any excuse they can find. We needto be responsible riders or we will never win this battle. And when thereare>deaths of unhelmeted riders, we need to look REAL close at the stats and circumstances. TOKYO: Well, here’s a brand new use for a motorcycle: According to the Kyodo news service, some biker in Japan figured a way to rig a littlespycam in a ladies room and broadcast it through a radio system on hismotorcycle! Must be a new option for Honda in 2001, eh? I gotta say the cops weren’t impressed and they arrested the guy.

SPAIN: A new concept to protect motorcyclists from hitting guardrails – or worse yet, those ”cheese grater” wire barriers – has been developedin this country. It’s a net that’s set under the rail and prevents a bodyfromsliding under it. An additional piece of protection covers the sharpedges of the crash barrier post. There may be other advantages to the idea suchas preventing small animals from scooting out onto the road suddenly in frontof traffic, and maybe reducing the effect of lateral wind. They also pickeda white color for the net, for better road visibility in bad weather.They’re also talking about adding reflective devices into the net. This is justone example of safety engineering that really counts, and ISN’T an impositionon our personal rights. Could it be that highway engineers are beginning to realize scooter people are citizens too? Seems so in Spain, anyway.

BIKERNET BIKER BABE REPORT FROM THE BIG APPLE–Here’s a riding woman on the move writing for Bikenet, creating her own site, Bikerlady.com, covering Sturgis for Penthouse, writing the tale of Biketoberfest, being featured in Easyriders and writing sales material for Ultra. She’s non-stop. Watch for her at events near you, and for her impact and insight on the new Ultra products geared for the softer rider.

BRANSON MOTORCYCLE RALLY–There’s a motorcycle rally in Branson next May and you’re invited.Visit us at bransonmotorcyclerally.com for more information

The largest independent travel service and one of the top resorts in Branson, Mo., have partnered up to host the first Branson Motorcycle Rally. The organizers for the Branson Motorcycle Rally feel that a family oriented event held in an area offering mountains, lakes, entertainment and shopping, and which is centrally located in mid-America will attract a large segment of motorcycle enthusiasts.

It appears that most successful events are those that offer a wide variety of entertainment opportunities (best lookin’ babes), a unique location (plenty of saloons), and excellent accommodations (big beds). Slip away to America’s heartland, and one of the most remarkable places on earth… a unique combination of big-time fun and a small-town heart… a dynamic mix of neon and nature. This place is Branson, Mo.

There is music, comedy, magic and fun from morning to night. Forty theaters, with more than 90 shows, provide guests with entertainment options unlike any other vacation destination in the world. Plus, area theme parks and attractions will surely please every member of the family. Click here to enter the bransonmotorcyclerally.com Website!

DEVIL DOLLS 2001– Calendar Release Party. Come out and help us celebrate the release of our hot new calendar for 2001!

When? Dec. 1, 7 p.m. – 2 a.m.

Where? The Double Play (groovy niteclub), 2401 16th St., at Bryant San Francisco (across from the Portrero Hill Shopping Center)

Featuring live music by ManMade God A wild fetish/fashion show by Stormy Leather and the Dolls Devil Doll merchandise and, of course, plenty of our new HOT 2001 calendars and the Dolls to make ’em personal…

$5 cover at the door Plenty of parking.– See ya there No Fear.

www.devildolls.com (415)546-3700

INTERESTING SHIT–Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.

The first owner of the Marlboro company died of lung cancer.

Barbie’s full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.

Betsy Ross is the only real person to ever have been the head on aPezdispenser.

Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of theNikefactory workers in Malaysia combined.

Adolf Hitler’s mother seriously considered having an abortion butwas talkedout of it by her doctor.

Marilyn Monroe had six toes.

All U.S. presidents have worn glasses. Some just didn’t like beingseenwearing them in public.

Walt Disney was afraid of mice.

TOURING CHOPPER FOR SALE–OK, so Don Whalen is trying to sell the Indian, but the prices keep fluxuating due to the influx of the new Indian brand. The Touring Chopper is another matter. A complete concept bike built in six months, the bastard took me to Sturgis in 1997. It’s still a low mileage, 98-inch stroker that has always been treated with respect. We recently redesigned the exhaust system and corrected the rear suspension with new, slightly longer shocks. The Bikernet garage needs expansion, so we may have to just let the Red Ball go to a rider with heart.

TURKEY TIME–Time to roll the bad-assed Blue Flame into the street and hit the road for feasts and females, flights of fancy, soft curves and tantalizing tastes. Thanks for hangin’ with us this year. We’ve had a helluva time with the help of good friends and family.

Here’s another shot from inside the Bikernet headquarters.

Talk about a wild time for this industry. The bottom line is that everything changes, and the wise and strong survive to party another day. So stay on your toes, secure the garage. Don’t let anyone get to your bike. It’ll be interesting to see the next year unfold. Some companies will be drifting away, new ones will emerge. The factories will continue their onslaught into the custom component market. I’ll drop a twin-cam engine into a Pro Street FXR frame, the Buell will sing and I’ll try my damnest to write another book. In the meantime, remember that it’s not material bullshit that counts, but the adventures of life, the experiences, the nights of pure total bliss and the shit we create with our bare hands that makes it all worth living. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving. Say hello to grandma. She’s the only one of the scowling family who digs it that you have the balls to ride and defy tradition. Rebels forever–Bandit

BIKERNET NEW FLASH–MOTORCYCLES STOLEN IN HOLLYWOOD

There’s never an ordinary weekend around the Bikernet headquarters, and the Love Ride Weekend would be no exception. First, rain threatened, and schedules floundered under the illusion that there might be a downpour. But the crew at Bikernet continued to prepare for the weekend by getting up late, drinking early, riding around town instead of working and attempting to retrieve the Blue Flame and have it running. No problem, right? Well, when you look hard at this sprawling industry, you see where the biker/industry strongholds are. Phoenix is rapidly becoming the Soldier field of the custom industry with the likes of Paul Yaffe, Titan, Pure Steel, Eric Herrmann, Independent Gas Tanks and, damn, I’m forgetting a couple companies. It’s a happening town. Oh yeah, Jim Nasi is also out there.

Paul Yaffe mounted the tank and Myron Larrabee of Easyriders of Scottsdale was going to deliver the chassis to Los Angeles. Actually, a month or so ago I had planned to fly out, hone my feeble welding skills at the Paul Yaffe Originals factory and ride the scoot back. Ah, but the tank was flown to Harold Pontarelli for repaint and time clicked past. The next rattlesnake bitin’ missive came in the form of a phone call from Harold. “Well, I’ll be haulin’ the tanks from Sac. Will the bike be there?” When I wasn’t sure, Harold made some calls. Since Myron was going to duck the inclement weather, I had to shift gears. Harold knew a bunch of guys in Yuma who were rolling out and would bring the long bastard if I could get it to their town. Jim Nasi was in the process of building a trailer and if it was completed, he would bring the bike. If Paul Yaffe had the room, he would pry it in, and the list went on.

The opportunities and circumstances were riding the same rollercoaster as the stock market. One day my baby was coming home, the next I might never see her again. I knew for sure the tank had been repainted by the master and would be here, although he called me from time to time to kid me about the color match. “Hey, Bandit. What do you think of fuchsia instead of blue?” I’d gag and he’d burst out laughing and hang up.

I’ll let you know what happened later. We better get to the news.

BARTELS’ H-D OPEN HOUSE–This Sunday. That’s right, big time at the dealership this weekend with Brenda Fox, new bikes to check out, Brenda Fox, New Hells Angels’ Big Red Machine Bikes, Brenda Fox, music and chow. Check out one of the biggest dealerships in the known world this weekend and say hello to Brenda. While you’re at it, beg her for one of her Hells Angels promotional postcards. It’s a shot to remember.

MCBRIDE–AMA/PROSTAR 12TH ANNUAL WORLD FINALS– Larry and Steve McBride are preparing for their first national championship since 1991. The McBride brothers need only to qualify and win the first round to capture the 2000 National Championship on Nov. 17-19 in Gainesville, Fla.

So far this year, the McBrides were No. 1 qualifiers at Gainesville, Fla., Indianapolis, Ind., and Chicago, Ill., and went on to win those races in the AMA/Prostar Series. They have also raced with the NHRA this year as No. 1 qualifiers at Gainesville, Fla., Houston, Texas, and Chicago, Ill. They also won all those races.

“Our relationship over the years with AMA/Prostar and the Kizer family has been wonderful. We hope to continue competing with them in 2001. This season’s exposure with the NHRA exhibition series has been great for our sponsors and we’ve been thrilled with the fan response,” McBride said.

McBride represents Pingel Enterprise, Red Line Synthetic Oil Corp., Trim-Tex, Drag Specialties, Muzzy’s Performance, Kibblewhite Precision Machine, HPC, Kawasaki USA and Web-Cam on his Tour 2000. Product sponsors assisting Larry McBride Racing include Vanson Leathers, Performance Machine, Belt Drives, Ltd., Street & Competition, Dayco Belts, Trac Dynamics, Simpson Race Products, Nitrous Express, APE, Arias, R & D Springs, Autolite, EK Chain, MSD, Clevite Engine Parts, Protect All, Whipple Industries, Cometic Gaskets, TSP, Carolina Cycle.

If you want to see an exciting weekend of racing, come to the 12th Annual AMA/Prostar World Finals held at Gainesville Dragway, Gainesville, Fla., Nov. 17-19.

Larry “Spiderman” McBride www.larrymcbride.com, or (757) 599-5236.

BIG DOG’S 2001 PITBULL–Big Dog’s line-up for 2001 has the tightest driveline and the best warranty program. Check out their line-up here shortly. We’re working on a section containing everything you ever wanted to know about the Kansas-based company. For now, check their new Website, bigdogmotorcycles.com. It debuts the all-new 2001 model line-up, highlighting Big Dog’s 2001 Platinum Performance Series and their 2001 Core Performance Series lines of motorcycles. Big Dog dealer info is on the site.

BEUDROW– The hillbilly biker walks into the doctor’s office.He has a carrot stuck in his left ear, a French fry in his right ear and a sausage crammed up his nose.

“Son”, says the doctor, “I don’t understand you biker ol’ boys. But, I can tell you right now, you just ain’t eatin’ right.”

–Steve “Redhorse” Brown

BUELL REPORT–This is our Buell mascot, gang leader, badass broad, Devil Dolls prospect. She is chained to the Buell as my personal security system. Check the Buell Report in the H-D department. These bikes are the hidden secret of the H-D family, and they’re cheap. Take one for a ride. You’ll be blown away. The Buell is sport bike with a hopped-up Sportster driveline, FXR rubbermount system and it handles like… Well, try one out.

If you hear of any modifications to Buells that will make them go fast, handle or look cool, let us know and we’ll post the news for other riders to suck up.

We’ve begun some mods to the above M-2 Cyclone. Next week we’ll tear into the carb, followed by exhaust mods, performance mods, and you’ll get to watch the Bikernet crew transform this black beast into a sport bike with a Harley attitude.

THUNDER OVER DIXIE COMES TO BIKERNET–Beau Pacheco, the creator, promotional director and boss (when Vickie is not around) over the ride from Nashville to Biketoberfest, has posted a full Thunder Over Dixie report on Bikernet in the Events section. Check out the shots and his rundown.

I’ve been invited to attend next year, and you can bet I’ll be there. Read the rundown, you may want to ride along with us.

BIKERNET GOES EURO–When I left ER we bowed to the gods of chrome and asked for guidance. When that didn’t work, we asked the Feng Shui goddess Sin Wu for counseling, then Tarty Terry for Tarot Card readings. Then we worshipped the Code of the West, which I had a hand in writing. We came up with a couple slogans. “If it ain’t fun, we ain’t doing it.” That was one, and we plan to stick with it. The other is, “We as Americans work way too hard.” Money is really not the valuable commodity here, but time. In fact, give a man too much money and he buys material shit that takes up more of his valuable time. So we instituted another rule. We would take on the European vacation rule – six weeks a year, and this is how it’s gonna work. We’re shutting down for two weeks during the holidays. And of course we’re taking off from July 15 to Aug. 15 for Sturgis. To me, this formula should become an integral portion of the Code of the West. Let it be written, let it be done.

TOP 25 THINGS A WIFE SHOULD SAY AND LIVE BY–

1. I’ll swallow it all . . . I love the taste.
2. Are you sure you’ve had enough to drink?
3. I’m bored. Let’s shave my pussy!
4. Shouldn’t you be down at the bar with your buddies?
5. That was a great fart! Do another one!
6. I’ve decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.
7. You’re so sexy when you’re hung over.
8. I’d rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping.
9. Let’s subscribe to Hustler.
10. Would you like to watch me go down on my girlfriend?
11. Say, let’s go down to the mall so you can check out women’s asses.
12. I’ll be out painting the house.
13. I love it when you play golf on Sundays. I just wish you had time to play on Saturday too.
14. Honey..our new neighbor’s daughter is nude sunbathing again, come see!
15. I know it’s a lot tighter back there but would you please try again?
16. No, no, I’ll take the car to have the oil changed.
17. Your mother is way better than mine.
18. Do me a favor, forget the stupid Valentine’s day thing and buy yourself new clubs.
19. I understand fully…our anniversary comes every year for Christ’s sake. You go hunting with the guys, it’s a wonderful stress reliever.
20. Oh come on, what do ya say we get a good porno movie, a rack of beer, a few joints, and have my friend Heather over for a threesome!
21. Christ, not the fucking mall again, come on let’s go to that new strip joint!
22. Listen, I make enough money for the both of us, why don’t you retire and get that nagging handicap down to 7 or 8.
23. You need your sleep ya big silly, now stop getting up for the night feedings.
24. God..if I don’t get to blow you soon, I swear I’m gonna bust!
25. I signed up for yoga so that I can get my ankles behind my head for ya…

BIKERNET SUPERBOWL PARTY–Yep, it’s the 2nd Annual Bikernet Superbowl Party at the Blue Cafe on the Promenade in downtown Long Beach. This is the perfect party location and the perfect day with the perfect entertainment, and it’s free. The only dicey aspect is the weather, but what the hell. We’re going for it.

Hell, this party is so perfect I don’t have to remember the date or time. Be there on SuperBowl Sunday in time for the game. We’ll have a private room with two, that’s right, two, televisions, pool tables, grub, and downstairs in the afternoon the blues bands will kick up and we’ll be rocking after the game.

So come on down. There’s bike parking directly in front of the cafe for our guys. We’ll be handing out Bikernet stickers, I’ll be signing my new book, “Sam Chopper Orwell,” plus there will be a number of door prizes. Don’t miss it. Be there, be there, be there. Oh, I forgot the girls…they’ll be there too.

You’ll also have the opportunity to meet Jon Towle, the affable artist who is really the powerhouse behind Bikernet. He’s the master, the creator, the legend. In fact, the Digital Gangster recently set up the home page so a new image would be launched for each day of the week. He’s the man!

VETERAN’S DAY HOLIDAY–Mr. Bandit, great day on the Central Coast. Will pull into the AmericanLegion before it gets cold and have a cheap drink with shipmates and onefor you. —

Ride On! Wino Joe, FTG3 CVA19 “The Hanna Maru”

BURNIN’ DAYLIGHT INDICTED– Doesn’t it bother you that “Burnin Daylight” is the character AND the title of one of Jack London’s books? Hey, if ya see a silver flash streak by ya one day around Thanksgiving, don’t worry, it’s just me on the DYNA–Lone Wolf 777.

Is that why Agent Zebra and Marco left the country recently?

BIKETOBERFEST REPORT–I still got a bad case of the post-Biketoberfest 2000 blues. I had way toomuch fun in Daytona. It was my first time riding in the Sunshine Statewithout a helmet. Two friends, J12 and Donnie, from my old home, thehelmetless state of Connecticut, tore up the road getting down there. It was a wildweek of killer riding weather that went by too fast. All I know is it feltgreat not having to stop and put a helmet on each time I fired up the bike.I heard no riders complaining.

The Corbin party was one of the highlights of the week. The guys tookadvantage of the open bar, then tried to do the same to the lovelyhostesses. Thursday night becomes increasingly difficult to remember afterthat point. We hit the bank, then got a needed fix of night air and openroad.

The house I stayed at had parties to rival any in Daytona. After gettingthrown out of several bars, the party moved to the house and stayed forThursday, Friday and Saturday. Wild women, confused guys, the yardcompletely filled with bikes, madness prevailed. At one point, two guys wentfor beer and came back with a shopping cart– the Leaning Tower of Beer. Theywere doing well until they hit the sand at the end of the driveway.

Riding all day, riding most of the night, stopping just long enough toquench my thirst and stuff down a quick bite of food, I somehow managed toget by on three to four hours of sleep a night. But like I tell a certain friend ofmine, I don’t go to Daytona to sleep. Why would anybody?

–Jo Ann

ABOUT ORWELL– I’m glad to see you get “Sam Chopper Orwell” published. I remember reading what I assume to be a condensed version in ER a few years back. At first I wasn’t sure what kind of bullshit you were thinking about. Now a few years later I remember the story and some of its contents. I believe you are on the right track. It seems almost daily our freedoms or rights are being re-written or flat taken away. One thing I remember most in the story is the government provided beds for people to combat a workers bad back and medical problems. I read that excerpt and the ones that followed in the continuing monthly issues. It probably wasn’t what I would call good biker fiction at the time. Now it is one story that remains with me in my mind and one that could possibly be more to the truth than we realize. Hats off to you Bro! I’m sorry to see the black and yellow Street Stalker go, but it went for the bigger picture.

Without trying to sound like I’m kissing your ass.. I like what you are doing on Bikernet and I think you are able to reach a lot of folks that would otherwise not know who you are or where you came from. No, I don’t know you personally nor have I ever shaken your hand, but I have seen your undying commitment to the American motorcyclist and I like what I see.

Keep it up, You, my friend, will ride forever!!!!!!!

— Smack!
Way West Texas

PS: Can you tell me where I can get a faster guardian angel? You said once, never ride faster than your guardian angel can fly. Any suggestions are helpful….

I believe there’s a rhythm to riding, or a groove, whether you’re in the country or splitting lanes in bumper- to-bumper traffic. If you’re in that groove, then your guardian angel is right there with you. If you slip out of that groove, don’t look around, she’s not there.

CHRISTMAS IS COMIN’–

Dear Santa, I wood like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben a goodboy all yeer.YeR FReND, BiLLy

Dear Billy, Nice spelling. You’re on your way to being a monkey trainer.How ’bout I send you a fucking book so you can learn to read and write?I’m giving your older brother the space ranger.

–Santa

******************************

Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I askforis peace and joy in the world for everybody!–Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah, Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn’t they?

–Santa

Hey Ball, I got the shirt. It’s killer, man. I’m so tired of the white-on-black thing, the orange-on-tan looks great and it’s fancy button job!hope everything is good with you. This next issue of HORSE is a killer. I’ll get ya a handful as soon as it’s printed.I also attached a pic of my bike that Billy and I just finished and my pop’s ’52 Pan frame with the 100 retro S&S motor shoved in it. Man, that fucker screams.

–Geno

SONNY BARGER UPDATE–Sonny’s last scheduled book signing appearance for the next several months will be Nov. 18, noon to 4pm, at Fairfield Harley-Davidson. Fairfield is about midway between Oakland and Sacramento in Northern California.

This event is sponsored by HAMC Vallejo. Come to meet Sonny, buy a book and have it personally signed (or bring one if you already have it), and have your picture taken with him.

Click here for a map and directions:http://sonnybarger.com/nav_tour.html

BIKERNET WEEKLY CONTEST–That’s right. We’re having another contest, goddamnit. We have a few of the original white-on-black Bikernet T-shirts left, ‘cept they’re all mediums and double-X. It’s easy: Give us a name for our ridin’ photo section, or send us a shot and tell us what size you want, medium or 2X. Entries can be sent to Bandit@bikernet.com. The photo size should be less than 350 pixels square.

Wait, don’t move, don’t press send just yet. Make sure you send me your address. It’s a shoe-in.

THE RIGHT TO SPEAK OUT–When the framers of our Constitution were writing it, why do you think the First Amendment was the freedom of speech? Could the reason have had something to do with the fact that under British rule many of them had suffered great loss of freedom and property because they didn’t have the freedom to criticize government policy under British rule? I think so. That’s one of the beautiful things about America. The ability to speak out against policy you don’t agree with, without the threat of jail or loss of property. It was on the top of the list of “most important issues” when written into our Constitution, or it wouldn’t have been the First Amendment. All of democracy hinges on the freedom of speech. Without it, you can’t have democracy.

You’re probably wondering why I’m writing about this, right? Over the years I’ve seen bumper stickers, editorials and even guest book comments on my own Website from people who say things like “America, Love it or Leave it.” When someone criticizes government policy, does that mean they don’t love their country? I don’t think so. You think I’m bad, criticizing drug laws, etc. Go sit in on a session of Congress. All they deal with is government policy and they argue their asses off about it. So, what I’m trying to say is, don’t think I, or any of the contributors to this site don’t love our country because we criticize some government policies. If you feel we are wrong to state our opposition to policies we don’t agree with, or we don’t believe we have the greatest country in the free world, you are wrong. We believe in the Constitution as it was written.

–Rusty, freerusty.com

HARDTAIL MAGAZINE SPONSORS BIKE FEATURES–We’re a bunch of hard-riding, chopper-loving, women-chasin’ creative types, so when Buck Lovell, the publisher of HardTail Magazine, a scooter book devoted to rigid frame chops, asked if we would like some features of bikes published in HardTail, we were all for it. Watch for more features and techs from Buck on Bikernet. The Real Deal

BIKERNET NEWSFLASH! SPECIAL AGENT ZEBRA BRAWLS WITH MIAMI BEACH COPS!–In what appeared to be a routine noise complaint gone wrong, SpecialAgent Zebra became entangled with local law enforcement on Miami Beach’s fashionable Ocean Drive late Saturday night, according to authorities. A short fist fight occurred, during which bikers came to Zebra’s aid and what began as a minor argument quickly turned into a major scrap.

Sources say the dispute began when police were summoned to Zebra’spalatial mansion, the former home of late Italian fashion mogul Gianni Versace, to investigate reports of random gunfire during a massive party at the residence. Miami Beach police officers arrived on the scene but were unable to determine where the soundshad come from. Special Agent Zebra was questioned and also could offer no clue as to where the sounds of gunfire originated, though he was wearing histrademark H&K .45 in a hip holster (it is legal to keep and BEAR arms in thestate of Florida).

When asked if they could look around, Zebra said, “Sure,just show me the warrant, lads, and I’ll be glad to put you on the guest list.”

At that point, reports are mixed, but reliable sources say that ayoung Swedish supermodel named “Lina” strolled out topless (also legal in Miami Beach) and asked if Zebra was going to return to the party soon. Officers requested proof of legal drinking age as the young woman was in possession of a what appeared to be a martini. Special Agent Zebra then allegedly took the martini from the topless supermodel, drank it and tossed the glassceremoniously to the sidewalk, shattering it. Officers attempted to arrest Special Agent Zebra on charges of destroying evidence and littering,which lead to Zebra allegedly decking a police officer and slamming another to the ground. Several more police officers attempted to subdue Zebra when a mob of bikers charged out of the mansion and engaged the officers.

During the melee, Zebra ran to a nearby chopper, reportedly theGreat Northern Steamer, and with the Swedish model Lina roared off down Ocean Drive. He has not been seen or heard from since, though we have it ongood authority that he recently was spotted at The Tavern on Airline Highwayin New Orleans, a well-known southern biker bar, partying with old friends and a very beautiful blonde with a heavy Swedish accent.

Nine local bikers were arrested for disorderly conduct and assaulton a police officer. All were released on bail, which was posted by Bikernet.comEast.

Miami Beach police reports indicate that a warrant for littering andaiding to the corruption of a minor have been issued against Special Agent Zebra, though assault charges on an officer were put on hold after 143 eye witnesses, all bikers, signed affidavits attesting that Special Agent Zebra slipped and fell, broke his glass and then rushed himself to a nearby hospital and that police testimony that Zebra resisted arrest and assaultedan officer is false.

Stay tuned to Bikernet.com East for up-to-the-minute reports on thisunfolding saga.

–Big Lucy,Filling in for Special Agent Zebra

MIKUNI 2001 IRON & LACE CALENDAR– The Mikuni-sponsored Iron & Lace is renown as the world’s finest custom motorcycle pinup calendar. It’s photographed by respected Easyriders, VQ, Big Twin magazine and pinup photographer Jim Gianatsis. The featured cover model this year is a new discovery, sexy brunette Jessica Kane. Together with Playboy centerfold Natalia Sokolova, sexy actress Rebecca Chaney, calendar favorites Tiffany Gramza and Brooke Johnson, plus a bevy of barely legal schoolgirls, the 2001 Iron & Lace couldn’t get any steamier without an “R” rating! Each year is a real collector’s edition of great bikes and babes worth keeping.

Order byphone, mail, or online at the FastDates.com Website.http://www.FastDates.com/IRONLACE.HTM

QUANTUM UPDATE– Murry Smith has resigned asCEO and director of Quantum Cycle. He made his announcement Nov. 9 before a bankruptcyjudge, an hour before the hearing. The update on your page stating he and Rick Block went to New York isinaccurate in that Murry Smith is in no capacity to do so. If yourequire verification of this, contact Bruce Wise at (800)247-4302. He isthe landlord and is as surprised by this action as I am. –Jeff Stark.

BEST QUOTE OF THE DAY–“YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT THOSE LITTLE OLD LADIES IN PALM BEACH CANPLAY 15 BINGO CARDS SIMULTANEOUSLY – BUT CAN’T PUNCH A BALLOT CORRECTLY?”

–Nov. 13–Leno

Did anyone watch the NBC miniseries about the Bible? Tonight theyshowed the part where Moses receives the Ten Commandments. Originallyit wasjust eight, then Moses asked for a recount!

I am getting really annoyed with the networks. It’s day six already! Can’t they drop the breaking news part?!

BANDIT’S ’46 INDIAN FOR SALE– That’s right. It’s still in the hands of Don Whalen, the master Indian restoration expert. If you need Indian info, restoration info, or to buy an Indian, Don is the man. (626) 358-9696.

LOVE RIDE REPORT CONTINUES–There I was, pacing the headquarters garage waiting for another misleading message that would send me to the cupboard for another shot of Jack. It was Thursday afternoon and I was tinkering with the black Buell M-2 Cyclone. I had removed most of the plastic covers and the air box. I replaced it with a tear drop K&N filter that once resided on the Blue Flame, but after a short spin discovered that the rubbermounted drivetrain was causing the back of the filter to rub the frame. It wouldn’t work, so I was hoping that the Blue Flame would arrive and I’d be on the road, but that wasn’t happening. So I went looking for another solution. I picked up a round Screamin’ Eagle air cleaner kit for a big twin and went to work. With some mods and tweaking, it fit perfectly. Over it I bolted on a Harley billet cover without the casing that covers the element. The Buell was ready to fly for the weekend when the call came down. Paul would be bringing the Blue Flame to the other side of Los Angeles. Harold was coming from the north, so he volunteered to pick up the bike on the west end of town and bring it to San Pedro.

There was hope that the Blue Flame would live again on the streets of Los Angeles. But the best laid plans don’t always run true to course. When Harold arrived, the Yaffe gang hadn’t. Once the original crew arrived, Harold was on the wrong side of town and fighting his way through rush- hour traffic to reach the hotel. It was almost curfew on Thursday night when Harold asked if it was safe to park his custom dually up the street. I said, “Oh sure, as long as we’re in the street here watching it, and we’re armed.”

I helped Harold unload the bike and could tell by the bags under his eyes that he had about had it for one helluva long day. I sent him home, after reviewing the new tank and paint. The tank size and shape filled the top rail of the Daytec frame to a T. There was hope with a simple installation that the Blue flame would ride again. We set the tank in place as I watched Harold’s big eyes droop and the dark-haired one ran her hand up my thigh. Ah, she was right, it was Love Ride weekend.

The next morning life was all wrenches and Teflon tape. Articles to post on the site, including the installation of the tank, which is now segment No. 9 in the Sturgis 2000 Bikernet West category of the Bikernet Garage area. Of course, true to form, I couldn’t find a gas cap that would fit and almost destroyed the petcock trying to install it. After another grueling workout in the Bikernet iron pile, I showered and bundled for the brisk ride to the Sagebrush Cantina for the first party of the weekend. (Although the intimate one the night before was nothing but love and fireworks.) After 30 Gold Margaritas on the rocks, 400 chicken tacos and enough chips to build a small building with, I hit the road for the coast. This chopper rides and runs like nothing I’ve ever had. It’s tight, strong and easy to handle.

There’s one major bummer I need to throw into an otherwise puttin’-perfect weekend. I received a call from Harold early Friday morning. Three motorcycles were stolen from his trailer while parked in the hotel parking lot in Hollywood. Here’s a man who had busted his ass to paint my tank on time, then took the time to hassle through rush-hour Los Angeles traffic to pick up the bike and deliver it to me, only to be ripped off. All three bikes were top-of-the-line customs. This shit breaks my heart, and brings out the warrior in all of us who won’t tolerate bike thieves.

The next morning I was just beginning to get her up and out of the sack when riders attacked the headquarters. We were due to hit the YMCA charity ride through many of the manufacturers in Orange County. The kick off time was way too early so we cut in line at the Samson exhaust factory, where we reviewed their manufacturing process, the owner’s motorcycle collection and his coffee and donut stash. From the vast Samson loud pipes heaven, we hit the beach and Dukes on the sand in Huntington Beach for lunch, then Jesse James West Coast Choppers for the No Love Party. His collection of hot cars and hotter bikes expands daily.

The parties continued into the night, but somehow we had to be up and rolling at 7 a.m. The dark-haired one was escorting me to the Love Ride so we pulled out the Buell for the blast across town to hook up with a pack of Hamsters for the event run. We rolled into the Love Ride right on time. She raised $100 for the Love Ride Foundation with the help of co-workers Marisa and Toni, and Oliver (the founder and owner of Glendale Harley-Davidson) was gracious enough to donate $5,000 to the Bikernet charity, Human Services Network to help us buy homes for the boys.

I’m trying to get out of here. I have a pressing project looming over my lumpy head, a hot evening ahead and the Blue Flame is fired up and ready to burn through another Avon tire. I could go on for another hour about the Love Ride itself, but I’m going to drop the sizzling description and just conclude with: It was a helluva weekend, biggest Love Ride ever. More bands, action and vendors. More friends, great food and action. And the evening following the Love Ride contained its share of love. Let’s ride, we’re burnin’ daylight–Bandit.

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–LOVE RIDE MANIA ROCKS LOS ANGELES

The Blue Flame will be home tonight and we ride like hell bent for leather once again. I’ll break out the riding crop and whip her like she’s never been beaten before. It’s Love Ride Weekend, when Los Angeles becomes biker-world for a wild couple of days. Every night is a party — The Sage Brush Cantina one night, an Indian party, Easyriders party, Jesse’s No-Love extravaganza, Samson and the YMCA ride to the various manufacturers, and, of course, the Love Ride on Sunday.

I’m gonna make this quick ’cause I’m already deep into Buell tweaks for some of the weekend activities. I’m teaching myself how to do wheelstands. Bubba Blackwell will be slippin’ me tips. It’s the front wheel wheelstand that has me baffled.

Hey, don’t forget to send me some shots of you on the road. The more outrageous, the better. We’re beginning a section of reader’s shots with some collectin’ valuable prizes. Oh, by the way, we need a title for this section, such as: Open Road, Bandit’s Road Pics, Asphalt Adventures, and some that are too nasty to print. We’ll pop for a Bikernet T-shirt for the rider who comes up with the luscious label we plaster on the site.

My feeble mind is whirling with faint female touches, modifications to the Buell, the return of the Blue Flame and the approaching weekend, so let’s get this over with and let the party begin:

LOVE RIDE NOVEMBER 12, 2000– Visit http://www.loveride.org for details and event schedules. But first some info about this event. Love Ride 2000 is supported by 50 California dealers. Jay Leno is the grand marshal, Willie G. Davidson is the honorary chairman and Peter Fonda is the honorary grand marshal. Music will be provided by Creedence Clearwater Revisited, Blood Sweat and Tears (featuring David Clayton Thomas), and John Kay and Steppenwolf. The national anthem will be sung by Pat Boone. Last year’s event raised $580,043 from gross receipts of $1.3 million, so 53 percent of the gross receipts went to charity.

This is the type of humor that got Bikernet ousted from sponsoring a Southern California charity. It’s a chick with big knockers.

BIKERNET ATTEMPTS CHARITY INVOLVEMENT–We tried to get involved with the annual Anaheim Family YMCA benefit ride that’s sponsored by Samson Exhaust, Hot Rod Bikes, Performance Machine and more. It’s on from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. this Saturday. The ride takes scooter jockeys from the Anahiem Street Promenade to various manufacturers and back to the Promenade. It costs $35 a rider and $15 for passengers, and is a helluva way to meet and greet some of the guys who make the parts for our bikes. For more information, call Danea Roth at (714) 635- 9622.

We attempted to make Bikernet part of this ride and scramble eggs for everyone to kick off the event. Unfortunately, Roth checked out the site and found a dirty joke. We were 86’d from the line-up for being to risque. Should we clean up our act?

NEW BOOKZINE BY RICK CAMPBELL– the publisher of Motorcycle Industry magazine. Rick announced that he’s created “Motorcycle Pros,” a compilation of favorite stories from motorcycling’s top magazine editors. The publication will be available in January.

Rick contacted me some time ago and I sent him my story and some flicks of my lovely self. He’s never spoken to me since. Maybe the story sucked, was too long, too risque, too bizarre, or all of the above. We’ll see if I was cut from the coffee-table quality, glossy “bookazine.” For more information, call (800) 574-4624.

SCREAMIN’ EAGLE TO TEAM WITH VANCE & HINES IN NHRA DRAG RACING– Harley-Davidson announced todaythe signing of a multi-year agreement that teams Screamin’ Eagle PerformanceParts and Vance & Hines Racing in a new National Hot Rod Association (NHRA)Pro-stock Drag Racing effort.

According to Mike Kennedy, director of Harley-Davidson parts and accessoriesmarketing, the move comes with a renewed commitment to field achampionship-caliber drag race team.

“To say that we’re excited about this partnership is anunderstatement,” Kennedy said. “Harley-Davidson has raced motorcycles fornearly 90 years for one purpose: to win. And the Vance & Hines organizationhas an unmatched winning record in NHRA drag racing.”

Vance & Hines Racing, which has won 17 NHRA national championshipsand has never failed to qualify for an NHRA event, will immediately begindevelopment of the Screamin’ Eagle/Vance & Hines Pro Stock Bike.

“This is a natural fit,” said Terry Vance, a former multi-time NHRAchampion. “A big part of our business is designing and building performanceexhaust systems for Harley-Davidson motorcycles. Now Byron and I will beable to take our racing experience and work with Screamin’ Eagle to field acompetitive Harley-Davidson Pro Stock bike at the top level of drag racing.”

“I totally recognize the challenge of our new commitment,” saidByron Hines, who is regarded as the leading engine builder in motorcycledrag racing. “The NHRA series is extremely competitive and I’m excited withthe prospects and challenge of building a winning V-twin machine.”The Screamin’ Eagle/Vance & Hines Team will use the 2001 NHRA season as adevelopment year, attending selected events.

More information on the newScreamin’ Eagle/Vance & Hines Pro Stock motorcycle race team will beannounced at a later date, including rider selection and race dates.

WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline)– Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws. While they went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries, several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. One customer who had been at the store for awhile became concerned and walked over to the car.

He noticed that Linda’s eyes were now open, and she looked very strange.

He asked her if she was OK, and Linda replied that she’d been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour. The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what itwas, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passedout, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in until someone noticed and came to her aid.

And yes, Linda is blonde.

VICTORY DELUXE V92C– In its third model year, Victory has introduced the 2001 Deluxe Cruiser in response to consumer demands for a comfortable, accessorized cruiser suitable for touring. The Victory V92C Deluxe offers the same performance, power and handling of the previous two models, but with the addition of accessories such as a full-height windshield, slightly oversized, studded leather saddlebags, custom-touring seat, backrest and passenger floorboards.

The Deluxe is powered by a 1507 cc fuel-injected V-Twin engine. It features custom-blended paint in three color choices and 40-spoke wire wheels with chrome-plated aluminum rims. Watch for the Deluxe on highways near you.

MCCLURE SETS NEW IHRA ET AT 6.491–Jim McClure of Williamsburg, Va., set a quick pace qualifying No. 1 for the 2nd Annual CARQUEST Autumn Nationals at Rockingham, N.C., with a 6.429 ET at 219.08 mph in the Screamin’ Eagle Nitro Harley series.

McClure, riding this season’s bike for the last time before it goes to its new owner, locked in the new IHRA Nitro Harley ET record in round one of eliminations with a 6.491 at 216.34 mph when Bill Furr of Orangeburg, S.C., broke on the start line.

In the semi-finals, McClure was defeated by Mike Romine of Sturgis, Miss., with a 6.644 over McClure’s 6.792 ET.

McClure was also honored with the prestigious IHRA best pro engineered car award (although we all KNOW it’s a BIKE) at Rockingham Dragway.

McClure is supported on his national tour by Rivera Engineering, Primo Products, Red Line Synthetic Oil, ACCEL, Hampton Roads H-D, Southside H-D, F & S H-D, S & S Cycle Inc., Performance Machine, Axtell, Autolite & Vanson Leathers.

Contact McClure at www.jimmcclureracing.com.Don’t forget to watch IHRA on TNN on Sunday nights at 10:30 p.m. EST.

RACER SHOT AND KILLED–Here is a statement from Steve Frisbee’s friend, attorney and fellow racer Toni Froehling: Long-time Washington state Harley-Davidson drag racer Steve Frisbee was shot and killed by unknown assailants on Nov. 4. He was a victim of a shotgun blast as he looked out his front door. As of this time, the investigation is continuing and the Pierce County Sheriff’s Office is working hard to make an arrest. There was no obvious motive for the shooting.

As anyone who knew him can verify, Steve was a free spirit who was filled with adventure, creativity and a sense of humor. He operated his shop, Fantasy Motorcycles, in Sumner, Wash., for nearly 20 years and had been active in the local and national racing scene for most of that time. For the past 10 years, he has been riding fuel bikes, including his own under the name Altered States Racing, and one built by Carl Pelletier operating as Competition Motorcycles based in Boise, Idaho. He most recently competed at the California Fun Drags and the AHDRA races at Las Vegas.

Those who knew Steve will miss him, and those who never had the pleasure have missed a great opportunity. Plans for a memorial will be announced in the near future. In the meantime, any kind thoughts will be appreciated. They are being collected for his mother, who continues to reside in Arizona, and can be forwarded to:

Toni Froehling
16208 – 60th St. E
Sumner, Wash. 98390
email ctjstr@aol.com

AN ELDERLY MAN IN PHOENIX– calls his son in New York and says, “I hatetoruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I aredivorcing;45 years of misery is enough.”

“Pop, what are you talking about?” the son screams.

“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the old man says.”We’re sick of each other, and I’m sick of talking about this, so youcallyour sister in Chicago and tell her,” and he hangs up.

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Likehellthey’re getting a divorce,” she shouts. “I’ll take care of this.” ShecallsPhoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, “You are NOT gettingdivorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling mybrother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do athing. DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone too, and turns to his wife. “OK,” hesays,”they’re coming for Thanksgiving. Now what do we tell them forChristmas?”

“1%er” UPDATE–Zebra and his partner in crime, Ian Truitner, authors of the outlaw biker script, “1%er” are at last done with the 10,000th re-write on their semi-literate nightmare. Producer Kearie Peak, who’s feature credits include executive producer of “American History X,” is preparing to take the script to studios late next week.

“We’ve been doing a lot of hand shaking and partying,” Zebra told our people from his palacial estate (the late Gianni Versace’s mansion) in Miami Beach. “Loads of drugs, nude women, late night drag races through downtown L.A. Just a lot of hard work, nose to the grindstone stuff.”

Zebra was in L.A. last weekend for New Line Cinema’s Halloween Party, hosted by studio President Bernie Goldman.

“It was a blast. Later we went out drinking and raising hell. We got into a huge brawl in Beverly Hills. Those two old ladies didn’t know what hit ’em.

“One of the studio execs who read “1%er” recently commented that he felt the characters were a ‘little over the top’ and ‘somewhat Marvel comics-like.’ He changed his tune after we chain whipped him and drug him through the ports in Long Beach behind the Great Northern Steamer, then dumped his corpse in the drink.”

We wish Zebra all the best and we’ll keep you posted on the progress, if there ever is any, on his script “1%er” and whether or not he lands his sorry ass in the federal pen before he can actually get the goddamned thing made.

FTW
Big Lucy, on assignment, South Beach, Miami

ULTRA SIGNS NEW DEALERS– Bikers Dream Inc., which operates under the name Ultra Motorcycle Co., has announced a new president, Hal Collins. Hal has been working hard to bring seven new dealers to its dealer network and started shipment of the 2001 Sledgehammers. Hal championed the chopper-style rigid frame, Sledgehammer, which is the newest addition to the Ultra line, and features apehanger handlebars and a 230 rear tire.

The company will be offering $500 rebates to customers on select 2000 model Ultra motorcycles to make room for 2001 models in the dealer showrooms. Ultra says that it increased production capacity, and is continually seeking new dealers.

The lastest seven to sign up brings the dealer network to 95 locations. Ultra also participated in the grand opening celebration of the Bikers Dream Superstore in Santa Ana, Calif., under new ownership and management. The store and four others were owned by Ultra until Jan. 31, when it sold its retail operation to V-Twin Holdings Inc.

We’re considering interviewing Hal, who seems to be turning this company around, for Hot Rod Bikes magazine in the near future. Congratulations, Hal, we wish you the best of luck in the future.

BIKERNET BIG APPLE BABE REPORT–I wish I could go to the Love Ride. I was prepared to purchase my air ticket but the money is not available for this trip.

It pains me to miss this ride. I was looking so forward to it all yearbecause I thought I would finally be able to go. What I will miss most,though, is spending time with you and Brenda. Have a wonderful time and myspirit will be with you.

I’m forging onward, though, working hard, believing in my dream and tryingto make it happen. I met a wonderful lady friend who has had severalsuccessful business in the past and is very eager to work with me onbikerlady.com. Myfirst priority is a technology person to help me create this site.

Bikers Dream hired me to write all their marketing and operations materials.This is terrific. Also, they are taking meto Indy and reserved me a room at the Radisson. Isn’t that great? They arekeen on having me help them with all things related to the female motorcyclemarketplace. They especially want to develop a merchandising relationshipwith my company.

–Hugs,Sasha

HORSE MAGAZINE TURNS DOWN AD–It’s too risque, according to a statement from the creators at Chrome Specialties. “They said it wouldn’t fly with their distributor in Canada,” said our contact at CSI. Seems perplexing that the most outrageous chopper publication on the planet would turn down this ad. Horse management would not comment except to say, “We hate yuppies, the factory and anyone who can afford chrome.” We’ll try to get to the bottom of this startling controversy and report back.

VANCIL/VANCE & HINES SEASON WRAP-UP–Doug and Julie Vancil put 25,000 miles on the Vance & Hines/Drag Specialties 18-wheeler this season and if you count all the passes on the Nitro Harley you can add about 25 more miles under nitro power.

Vancil took the Vance & Hines/Drag Specialties nitro monster to his personal best at the Grand Bend Motorplex in Ontario, Canada, to a sizzling 219.03 mph and 6.453 ET. He qualified at every event, setting track records at Englishtown and Ontario. They competed in two countries and 15 major metropolitan areas. And that was before the IHRA 2nd Annual CARQUEST Autumn Nationals at Rockingham Dragway in Rockingham, N.C.

Vancil, qualifying third, was victorious before a record crowd at the Rock and set his personal best with a 219.97 mph at 6.456 ET over Mike Romine of Sturgis, Mi., on his Chromatic Inc. Nitro Harley in the final. The win is good enough to move Vancil into the third spot in the Screamin’ Eagle Nitro Harley Championship points.

The Vancils are proudly supported by Vance & Hines, Drag Specialties, Performance Machine, K & N, PJ 1, B & J Transmission, & Axtell.

Don’t forget to watch IHRA on TNN on Sunday nights at 10:30 p.m. EST.

QUANTUM REPORT FROM OUR FLORIDA CORRESPONDENT–On Nov.7 in Federal Court in Orlando, the judge gave Quantum two daysto come up with $150,000 to go forward with Chapter11.

If they are not successful, the company will slip into Chapter 7 and be over with.Richard Block and Murray Smith were off to New York to try and raise the money.Everyone is still optimistic at this time that it will be a success and thecompany will be able to move forward.

ELECTION DAY BUELL REPORT–This is the setup to use on your Buell M2 when installing a non-stockairfilter setup. (ex. Buell race kit)It is a manifold with hardware kit that allows for running the head breatherhose to a K/N type breather filter or back to the air breather backing plate.Available at your local H-D dealer, it is Eagle Iron product P/N 29281-91T.The manifold and hardware are chrome plated. List price is $30.It was originally intended for the XL model.–Agent M-2

This is the short air horn with the Buell Race backing plate. This fits inside the air cleaner and cover photo No. 15. It’s good for an extra 2 to 3 HP over just the plastic donut that comes with the kit. I made this by cutting up an S&S air horn for an “E” or “G” carb and welding on the mounting flange as shown.

If you are going to install the race air filter on the Buell, you will have to do something about the stock breather head sytem. Here is what I used for the same application: Head over to your local H-D dealer and pick up Eagle Iron P/N 29281-91T, $30 list. It is a breather manifold and hardware kit for the XL which will work on your Buell. It will allow you to run a hose to a K/N type filter or back to the rack kit breather if you prefer. The manifold and hardware are chrome plated.Also I had the carb spacer welded to the backing plateas I heard “rumors” that the backing plate could crack where the carb bolts were drilled due to vibration.

–Anson

HELLS ANGEL RUSTY’S PRISON FORUM–In future news sections, we will run excerpts from Rusty’s forum on clubs, police and the court system. The Web address for our Forum is http://www.geocities.com/freerusty/Rustys_Forum.htmlThis is the direct address, and we are linked off the Defense Fundpage.

If you can’t wait for the news next week, there’s the info for the full scoop.

NEW FEATURE–IN MEMORY OF JUSTIN–Here are some pictures of a bike I built in memory of my son Justin. Hepassed away on Nov. 14, 1998, from an acute asthma attack.I hope you find the photos useful. Justin always wanted to own a Harley oneday. The bike won first place at the Easyrider Show here in Charlotte (January2000, Spectator Class-In the Wind).

The bike itself is based around a Santee rigid frame, 4-speed Rev-Techtransmission, Jockey shift, Del-Kron engine cases. The paint was done by myfriends Teddy Hodge and Rodney Burnett. Max at Brown’s American Cycleshandled final assembly and fabrication.Sometimes when I am out on the bike I feel as though Justin is right therewith me.

–Mike Pullin

Mike has entered the “Justin Machine” in the Bikernet Cyber Cycles Bike Show, and we have just finished a full feature on it in Wrench’s Bike Barn. Check it out–Bandit.

BURNIN, ONE HELLUVA LOT OF DAYLIGHT–A SPECIAL REPORT–Regarding the never-ending saga that “Burnin? Daylight” has become — the outlaw adventures of Bandit and myself — several new events have occurred. First, our criminal director, Marko the Destroyer, has finally been located thanks to tips from our loyal bros across America and a vigorous nationwide search. A former commando of the Argentina armed forces as well as a fighter pilot for seven years, the unwashed Hun can vanish instantly when he feels like it. Turns out our big Argentinean neck cracker had holed up at his warehouse in the ghetto area of Miami known as Overtown.

I tracked him down out here in the Far East and he promptly gave me an invitation to his bash, “Halloween in the Hood.” It was a rowdy ball with bands, home-spun DJs in the back lot, pitbulls hanging from rope swings and some of Miami’s finest pussy dressed up as, well, pussy. That’s right, stunning 6-foot-tall blondes and brunettes that would melt Avon rubber strolled about in leather cat suits everywhere. Must have been a good year for the costumers who were selling those sexy mothers. The beer was free, the whiskey cheap, the food good and, of course, plenty of hardcore riders happened to show and accidentally got into a drag race through the desolate warehouse district. Fortunately, nobody ran over a crackhead and even the celebratory gunfire, of which there was plenty (The Destroyer himself ripped off a 20-round mag full of .223 from an old Chinc SKS), failed to summon Johnny Law.

There was even a short but brutal brawl when a local gang thought it’d crash the party. The only thing that wound up getting crashed was their heads as they flew into the walls and pillars and then later out the door and onto the asphalt.

What’s the story with “Burnin? Daylight,” you might ask. Hell who knows? Marko said he had a rough cut, but he managed to get out of town before I could get it out of him. Bandit is screaming in my ear some drunken horseshit about having an Academy Award-winning editor in L.A. who owes him a favor for killing a rump who was getting on his wife, who allegedly stands at the ready to edit the piece. Digital Gangster is drunk and sending me several hundred Bikernet updates a day. Jon Towle is threatening to draw a likeness of my mother on the side of the Playboy building on Sunset. The Chinaman told me he’s pregnant and Bandit, well, he mysteriously got a rev limiter welded to the front rim of his new Buell recently. Of course it coincided with my being in town last week to knock on the door of a certain Spanish goddess, Ana, and I’m getting full credit/blame.

It’s probably better that it’s taking so long to get “Burnin? Daylight” up and running. Maybe some of the statutes of limitations will expire before we show the world who done it.

By the way, if anyone up north is wondering, the weather in Miami Beach today is a balmy 90 degrees, winds out of the south at 2 miles an hour and the topless beach is packed with endless rows of semi-nude 20-year-old fashion models fresh in from Europe for the winter catalog season. Eat me.

Burn, baby, burn.

Special Agent Zebra
Bikernet.com East
Miami Beach

FAST DATES HITS THE NEWS–For our calendar model fans, Pit Lane News has information on covergirl Jaime Pressly’s latest movie called “Poor White Trash,”premiering next month, plus information on where you can join Jaime inperson at the movie’s Hollywood premiere party on Nov. 30.

Plus two of our other popular calendar girls, Linda O’Neil andFrancine Dee, will be at the Asian Models Expo in Los Angeles on Nov. 12, where you can meet them in person and get anautographed picture. Check it out at:http://www.FastDates.com/PitLaneNews.com

Most of you Harley guys in Southern California, though, will be atThe Love Ride on Nov. 12.We’ll be doing lots of Iron & Lace Calendar shoots this coming week with all the top custom bike builders being in L.A. On Thursday, we’ll beshooting Russ Tom’s latest creation from Down-Town Harley Davidson,Seattle, with a beautiful babe for the TV cameras from American Thunder onSpeedvision.

Then on Friday it’s builder Paul Yaffe’s award- winning Prodigycustom bike shoot with calendar girl Taylor McKegney.Taylor was a Perfect 10 magazine feature model and has a current pictorialin Member’s Corner.

If you don’t have your current edition of the 2001 Iron & Lace, orany of our other motorcycle and pinup calendars, stop by and order fromyour local dealer or easily online. We’ve also got all five editions of the2001 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Calendars, all at:http://www.FastDates.com/CONTENTS.HTM

–Jungle Jim,FastDates.com Calendar Corner

BIKERNET FLORIDA BEACH BABE REPORT–Katmandu is back. Not that she ever really left us, but after a short hiatus with, of all things, RV parts, our girl is now parts manager for a shop here in Port St. Lucie called B.C. Choppers.

Her many years in the parts department of two dealerships, T.S.I. in Ellington, Conn., and Harley-Davidson of Stuart(now called Treasure Coast H-D), have laid the solid foundation for new adventures in motorcycling.

Joining talents with owners Frank Hersey and Scott Trahan, they are producing bikes with mutha-sized motors, rainbow prism paint jobs and too much chrome to detail. Antique enthusiast that she is, her latest project is the “Heartbreak Harley” a bone stock, rigid frame ’57 Panhead with little chrome and lots of history.

She is also a well-known freelancing photographer, published several times over by national and local editors. Riding that same old flamed Shovelhead, now aptly named “The Mule,” she carries her cameras in those extremely used saddlebags and is quick to share a root beer or two with the members of our tribes.So what’s next for our favorite parts person? “I’d like to learn how to be a better storyteller. To weave a web of intrigue and leave ’em laughing, all at the same time.”

You can reach her by telephone, (561) 344-0305, during the week or leave a message at her e-mail address diva14789@aol.com.We’re glad she’s back to help with our motorcycling needs.We can’t wait to see what she’s up to next!

–from her friends and customers here in PSL and the TriCounty area.

THUNDER OVER DIXIE SCORES–The ride from Nashville to Biketoberfest was a thundering, thumping, roaring success. From thekick-off at Cool Springs Harley in Nashville, to the ass- kicking MontgomeryGentry, Danni Leigh concert in Daytona Beach, Thunder Over Dixie is nowestablished as THE ride in America.

On Oct. 15, the galaxy of Thunder Over Dixie celebrities, custombike building legends Arlen Ness, Dave Perewitz, Donnie Smith and JohnCovington, along with WCW wrestler and monster truck driver Madusa, Monumentrecording artist Danni Leigh, the irrepressible Biker Billy and 5,000Harley owners gathered at Cool Springs Harley-Davidson in Nashville for theadrenaline-drenched launch of Thunder Over Dixie, America’s newest, biggestHarley Jam.

The next morning, after a day of partying and rock ‘n’ roll, the five Thundersemi-trucks and a tumultuous tribe of riders headed to Steel Harley-Davidsonin Chattanooga, Tenn. Riders lazed along at their own pace, embraced bythe flaming fall colors of the Appalachians. The scenery was beautiful, theweather was perfect, and they’ll be singing songs in the hills aboveChattanooga about the night Madusa came to town.

There are concerts, and then there are concerts. Sometimes they rock,sometimes they just occur because everyone is getting paid. But the ThunderOver Dixie concert featuring Danni Leigh and CMA Duo of the Year MontgomeryGentry transcended anything ever seen in Biketoberfest.

Thunder Over Dixie 2000 ended with the concert and the riders who had riddentogether all week said their last goodbyes amid tears and hugs. They had metas strangers way back in Nashville — they departed as family.

(The Thunder over Dixie Television special will be broadcast Nov. 7 at7 p.m. on Speedvision’s BIKEWEEK show. Also, look for Thunder stories in everymajor motorcycle magazine, and Harley-Davidson’s ENTHUSIAST publication.Updates at www.thunderoverdixie.com)

BULLSHIT INFORMATION EVERYONE NEEDS TO KNOW–A Boeing 747’s wingspan is longer than the Wright brother’s firstflight.

American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive fromeachsalad served in first-class.

Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

The first CD pressed in the United States was Bruce Springsteen’s “Born in theUSA.”

Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in themorning.

The 57 on the Heinz ketchup bottle represents the number ofvarieties ofpickles the company once had.

If you missed Daytona Biketoberfest, here are the first picturesof Cyril Huze’s new “Kool Kat” complete rolling chassis for the new 240 mm& 250 mm rear tires from Metzeler and Avon.

Just click on http://store.cyrilhuze.com/product.asp?ID=112.

For more information, call (561) 988-0056 or e-mail info@cyrilhuze.com

THE PARTS CONNECTION–

10 dual carb plenums for Feuling-Quantum 4-valve heads, Retail $95.07, dealer $75, $50 each
20 intake plenum runners for Feuling-Quantum 4-valve heads, Retail $87.42-Dealer $58.28 $25 each
100 Feuling-Quantum intake valves Retail $12.15- Dealer $8.10$7 each
100 Feuling-Quantum rocker shafts Retail $17.03- Dealer $11.35$9 each
50 Feuling-Quantum oversize intake valve guides Retail $5.45- Dealer $3.63$3.63 each
50 Feuling-Quantum oversize exhaust valve guides Retail $5.45- Dealer$3.63 $3.63 each
100 Feuling-Quantum oversize intake seats Retail $7.50- Dealer $ 5$5 each
100 Feuling-Quantum oversize exhaust seats Retail $7.50- Dealer $5$5
*** 8 Feuling 4-Valve front rocker boxes for Sportster or 4-cam V-Twin$200 each
*** 8 Feuling 4-Valve rear rocker boxes for Sportster or 4-cam V-Twin$200 each
*** 8 Feuling 4-Valve front exhaust rocker arms for Sportster or 4-camV-Twin $150 each
*** 8 Feuling 4-valve front intake rocker arms for Sportster or 4-camV-Twin $150 each
*** 8 Feuling 4-valve rear intake rocker arms for Sportster or 4-cam V-twin$150 each
*** 8 Feuling 4-valve rear exhaust rocker arms for Sportster or 4-camV-Twin $150 each
*** 8 Feuling 4-valve plenun chambers for Sportster or 4-cam V-Twin$100 each
1 white powdercoated oil tank for Kenny Boyce frames$100
10 sets of billet fender struts to fit Boyce frames$100 set
10 front Ofset motor mount black powdercoat Boyce frames$25 each
10 front Ofset motor mount chrome KB 01-301 Boyce frames$30 each
10 petcocks CCI 25-253 & Chrome Spec. 260366$10 each
10 petcocks CCI 27050 Accel$30 each
10 Barnett idle cables 96 up H-D$8 each
10 Barnett throttle cables 96 up H-D$8 each
20 steel motormount stablizer (turnbuckle complete) rubber mount 5-speeds$40 each
2 chrome Softail oil tanks$150 each
5 FXR chrome kickstands$50 each
1 Sumax #8635 front fender $100$50
1 Sumax #8650 front fender $100$50
1 Sumax #8651 front fender $100$50
1 Sumax #8654 front fender $156$75
1 Sumax #8604 W rear fender $158$75
1 Sumax #8609 W rear fender $127$60
1 Sumax #8617 W rear fender $114$55
1 Sumax #8619 W rear fender $119$60
1 Sumax #8656 W rear fender $192$95

TO VERIFY SUMAX fender prices and other info, e-mail info@sumax.com.

Other stuff, such as seats, handlebars, stainless lines and cables, to be listedlater as I am still sorting parts

–Rogue, BIKERROGUE@email.msn.com>

ROB RASOR HEADS UP AMERICAN MOTORCYCLE ASSOCIATION–In a move that many around the country think was 11 months too latein coming,the board of trustees of the American Motorcyclist Association (AMA)announced that Robert Rasor has been named the association’s newpresident, effective Nov. 1.The announcement was made at a meeting of the AMA board at the association’s headquarters in Pickerington, Ohio.

Rasor has been a member of the AMA staff for nearly 28 years, startingin January 1973 as a legislative analyst. In the early ’80s, he becamedirector of the AMA’s Government Relations Department, a postsubsequently titled vice president for government relations.

We at Bikernet.com want to congratulate Rob and wish him great success.

FAST TRACK TO HELL–That’s right, I’m outta here for this week. The site is clickin’ like the magazine on a .357 magnum in the hands of Agent Zebra at a car theft convention. Rumor of his return to the West Coast has women returning to their farm roots in the Midwest and starlets eager to do anything to become almost famous in glittertown are rethinking their vocational choice. We discussed camouflage for the headquarters, but it wouldn’t help. His massive attack dog, Apache, would sniff us out.

In the meantime, while he’s stymied on the East Coast, we’ll have a helluva good time this weekend. If the morning escapades of the dark-haired one on her way to her highrise job are any indication, the weekend will be grand.

If it weren’t for Kyle at independent Gas Tanks, the Blue Flame wouldn’t have a new fuel cell. Paul Yaffe from Paul Yaffe Originals is hauling it in from Phoenix to be met with the newly painted tanks from Harold Pontarelli from H-D Performance in Sacramento. Paul mounted the new tank and made some adjustments to the bike to suit the new tank. It’s been a team effort. The Blue Flame will once again sparkle under the lights of Los Angeles, fly along the freeways and scream freedom to the caged motorists fighting to understand the monotony of their lives. There’s nothing in the world like being a biker on a Friday night, in heated bumper to bumper traffic in a state that allows lane splitting. It’s an E-ticket to the edge of the sinister mind. It’s a metalflake bull ride off the edge of a cliff, and it’s a heart-pounding precursor to stand up and shout sex later in the evening. So what the fuck are you waiting for? Let’s ride–Bandit.

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–WILLIE G. KIDNAPPED BY FOREIGN TERRORISTS

We all seem to be burning the candle at both ends. Do you feel the same? I think I’m busy and call someone in the industry, and I can tell by the tone of their voice that they’re moving at light speed. Their words are clipped and their concentration drifts. They’re moving onto other projects while dealing with the list facing them. It’s a good thing, then again, maybe not. We need time to reflect on our success, on what we’ve accomplished and to enjoy the fruits of our nail-biting. In other words, grab your babe, a fresh bottle of Jack and your finest ride and get away. Make a point to take time off. Stop thinking about work, memos and politics, grab a handful of heaven and go for a ride. I did on Halloween night, and look at me. I’m a wreck. Let’s get to the news:

STAFF MEMBER RUNS FOR AMA BOARD–Mike Osborn, our affable advertising director and the chairman of Abate of California’s Political Action Committee, has been working within the political structure of motorcycling for over 15 years. Now he’s prepared to take another giant step in the world of motorcycling and run for the board of directors of the American Motorcycle Association.

Speaking of freedom and the elections that are coming up, the country seems to be at a crossroads. Another Abate member recently asked me why we don’t have more celebrity motorcyclists come out publicly in favor of the freedom motorcyclists work so hard to preserve. Could it be that helmet laws have become a political hot potato that rivals abortion or gun laws? Has the public decided to give up its freedoms in exchange for safety regulations? Have they given up their right to choose in favor of mandatory regulations? Have they abandoned the responsibility for one’s actions in favor of having government agencies protect them from themselves? Who the fuck knows. We’ll see, though.

THE BIKERNET FOX REPORT–We’ll be releasing Brenda’s Deuce techs on the site any minute now. But just as we were about to disrobe the Fox from Bartels’ Harley-Davidson in front of Randy’s camera for some suggestive shots in the new Bikernet T-shirt, Hells Angel Dan snagged her for one long wheelstand to Palm Springs Bike Week. We chased his stroked FXR, but he left Snake in the dust. Fortunately Dan couldn’t keep his front wheel on the ground, even in downtown Palm Springs, and he was arrested. We quickly swooped in and kidnapped her back.Watch for Dan, the wheelstand king, who’ll have Big Red Machine Bike on display at the Love Ride. Don’t miss ’em.

LOVE RIDE NOVEMBER 12, 2000– Visit http://www.loveride.org for details and event schedules.

MC CLURE FINISHES UP 2000– McClure Finishes Up 2000 Jim McClure has one more race to finish up his 2000 Top Fuel Harley-Davidson season. McClure will be competing in the rescheduled IHRA CARQUEST Autumn Nationals at Rockingham Dragway Nov. 4-5.

After the final points were tabulated in AHDRA, McClure finished third nationally in the JIMS Top Fuel series and second in the Eastern Top Fuel points challenge. McClure missed four AHDRA events because of dates that conflicted with the IHRA series.

McClure is currently sixth in the IHRA Screamin’ Eagle Nitro Harley Division. The Top Fuel Racers Association has announced that Screamin’ Eagle will continue to sponsor the Nitro Harley series on the IHRA curcuit in 2001.

McClure is supported on his national tour by Rivera Engineering, Primo Products, Red Line Synthetic Oil, ACCEL, Hampton Roads HD, Southside HD, F & S HD, S & S Cycle Inc., Performance Machine, Axtell, Autolite and Vanson Leathers

Catch the man at www.jimmcclureracing.com, and don’t forget to watch IHRA on TNN on Sunday nights at 10:30 p.m. EST.

LAST NAME BLUES–

BANDIT– Oh, Bandit. You are so cool. No explosions here. Groovy. I hope that you like it…We are and will always be… your loyal outlaw girl gang.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
–GOTHGIRL
Devil Dolls MC

As the sun drifted behind the Palos Verdes Peninsula and a sliver of a moon crept into the Halloween sky like a razor sharp glass shard, a package was delivered to the smoldering Bikernet headquarters. It was the new Devil Dolls MC 2001 calendar. Smoke slithered out of the envelope and the San Pedro bomb squad was called. When they discovered that the call originated at Bikernet, they retreated to the home of the kid with an apple sporting a fuse. For information on the Goth Girl’s new calendar, head to devildolls.com. Keep a fire extinguisher beside your computer though.–Bandit

BUELL REPORT–Here is an S&S Super “D” air horn on a Trock bored 40mm CV carb. This is on my ’95 S2 Thunderbolt. Made the adapter, which has same internal taper as the air horn. Small opening of the air horn is 2.375 diameter. The diameter of the carb radius entry is 2.250 at the carb’s gasket flange. This controls the thickness of the adapter (.750) with the given taper of the S&S air horn. This works very well!!! Too bad there is no filterelement for it.

Also, for a neat light show, turn off the lights when the bike is running on the Dyno. Then point a timing light at the air horn while the bike is running. You get to see what’s going on in the intake tract–eerie shit.–Paul Davis, Charolette Harley-Davidson.

Yes, the air horn is available. It’s a Spit & Sputter (S&S) Super “D” 4 inch.Their P/N was SS17-0141 awhile back. Its cost was about $35. The adapter I had to make. I have enough “Rudiminum” stock to make a couple or so. I had planned to make some this winter. It also requires a mod. on the carb mtg. bracket so it can be screwed on.

Got to make this quick as I have a plane to catch this morning.Got together with the local Buellies last night and got to looking at some of the tricks and tips they have put together as a group.

1.) Shifter linkage and brake lever sideplay? Invest $30 in a set of bronze bushingsfrom American Sport Bike P/N 5546. It tightens up the linkage nicely for smoother shifts and ease of finding neutral. (ABS phone: 760-946-3379)

2.) While you are at it, the aluminum shifter linkage and brake lever polish up nicely.Spray a coat of clear on them before reinstalling to maintain the shine.

3.) Want some footpeg relief from the vibrations? Replace the solid Buell footpegs with a set of standard H-D pegs. I installed a set from my old FXR and what a difference.

4.) The three-spoke wheels can also be stripped of the paint and polished. Looks totally custom. They are super nice wheels when you stop to appreciate them.

5.) Maybe by now you found out that the Buell quits running if you attempt to ride away with the kickstand down. There is a cut out switch at the kickstand pivot mount. It can be bypassed by shorting out the wires if you so desire.

Dropped the stock muffler this morning in anticipation of the Vance/HinesSS2R replacement I ordered. Couldn’t help but start it up with the header in place.Sure sounded like a hotrod Harley! The kids at the bus stop started cheering!

I am out of here. Ride fast, ride safe!!

— Bikernet Buell Agent, Anson

THINGS YOU CAN SAY AT THANKSGIVING–and get away with:

1. Talk about a huge breast!

2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.

3. It’s Cool Whip time!

4. If I don’t undo my pants, I’ll burst!

5. Whew, that’s one terrific spread!

6. I’m in the mood for a little dark meat.

7. Are you ready for seconds yet?

8. It’s a little dry, do you still want to eat it?

9. Don’t play with your meat.

10. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.

11. I didn’t expect everyone to come at once!

12 . You still have a little bit on your chin.

BIKERNET’S BIG APPLE BABE REPORTS FROM BIKETOBERFEST–Biketoberfest 2000Tricked and Treated while on the Prowl!

The Confederate Hell Cat 2001 both tricked and treated me with its 107-inch S&Sand the Total Performance engines. I couldn’t ride just one. I straddledtwo…a black and a red “kitty.” My grin was like a carved pumpkin facewith a permanently lit candle inside. I made a scary realization:I’ve found my perfect ride. The bike was the definition of sex, drugs androck ‘n’ roll. The sleek steel sexed me up, the horsepower drugged me andthe torque rock ‘n’ rolled me down I-95.

The bright red hellcat with its arched tank was an undeniableTechnicolor dream (or trip?) and the black kitty crossed the paths of many,bringing drools and good luck to the ogling eyeballs of the general cruisercrowd. By the end of my day’s ride, I had affectionately named the prowlingmidnight pussy “kitten,” ’cause I was smitten. I’m still trippin’ from theride!

Florida was OK. The highlight was getting to drive the 2001 HellcatConfederate. Test drove the new Confederate for American Rider but had a photographer with anawful attitude who really made my life difficult. And Ithought this guy was my friend, too.

Chopper2

MY FIRST CHOP–Got these scanned finally. I have more of the Pan but they are slidesthat need to be converted to jpg files. The Pan was my first chopper, first bike. Built it when I got out of the Navy Seabees in ’76.

A ’69 Bagger was my second bike. Put a ’76 front end on it, along with same year seat and heads. Had all Andrews gears in the tranny. I put in a set of 1/2-inch stroker S&S wheels, rods and pistons. It had solids with a “C” grind cam. It was a real sleeper!! Notice the handmade Derby cover on the ’69 one piece primary.

Let me know what you think about the Pan with the Fury Girder.

— Paul Davis, Charolette Harley-Davidson.

Man/Woman– A man is driving down a road. A woman is driving down the same road from the opposite direction. As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and yells “PIG!”

The man immediately leans out his window and yells, “BITCH!” They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the nextcurve, he crashes into a huge pig in the middle of the road.

MORAL OF THE STORY: If only men would listen.

COMPLAINT DEPARTMENT– After a couple weeks and countless hours, we have *finally* tracked down the source of the Mailman (and other) problems–the ethernet card is malfunctioning. That’s why registered readers receive several duplicate e-mails

We have been grappling with our ordering system. We will have new software shortly. If you are turned down trying to order a product, let us know. If you do have a problem, drop us a check in the mail and we will have the order out to you pronto.

Il signore con la barbetta bianca e’ Willi G. Davidson, quello con la maglietta nera Americana Roma e’ Marco J.L. Il primo e’ arrivato con l’aereo privato, il secondo con un viaggio di 40 ore.Ma Willi G. ha disegnato la FAT BOY e io l’ho comptrata.. basta questo!Hasta pronto

Sorry Bandit, I sent an e-mail to my list named “bikers” and you are inside of it, of course.It was just to salute my friends from the HOG NACIONAL RALLY MEXICO (Oaxaca). Attached is a picture of me shopping with Willie G. and his bodyguards.

I went there because if you remember I was interested in organizing a biker meeting in Playa del Carmen for this year, so I met the chapters of Mexico City, Monterey, Guadalajara, etc., and we are going on, finally straight ahead!I hope I will receive the help of the locals. It will be a great meeting. It’s organized by an Italian enthusiast in Mexico in a global village on the Caribbean sea, showing the best of American Legend, with the bikes (few or many) parked on the pedestrian walkway. An expo with Mayan signs and piercing, a mix of anything we like, mescal, tequila and girls included… and don’t forget the TOY RUN!Would you like to be on it? You’d be truly welcome and part of the Californian Kustom Kulture that I think has a lot of roots inside the Mexican way of life, colors and tastes and fine art of “just do it …later.”

If anyone is interested, I need help from only the best!Marco aptcentauro@hotmail.com

MR. BANDIT– give the kids their candy tribute, then scare ’em! After dark,get naked with your pals and party. The next mornin’, have breakfast withthe Dead. Let the holiday season begin! With respect to those thatrespect tradition. Ride On! Wino Joe, USA

Only in the outlaw tradition–Bandit

ORWELL UPDATE–We have a print date of Nov. 20. The books will be shipped the day they are printed or the next. We’re praying for a slightly earlier date so we’ll have the books before Thanksgiving.

OFFICIAL BIKERNET ARTIST REPORT–have just sent Digital Gangster a new, full color, 10-panelcartoon of Nick the Dick. So, please go screwyourself!

–Jon Towle, master craftsman and prick.

WORDS TO LIVE BY–I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.

I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I’ve learned that you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that, you’d better have a big dick or huge tits.

I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others — they are more fucked up than you think.

NEW LINK PAGE LAUNCHED–Here in the hallowed halls of Bikernet, we’re working our butts off the seats of our P-pads to make Bikernet more user-friendly. Now, for quick reference to other biker sites, bikers’ rights organizations and our sponsors, run or peel-out to our grand link page for direct access to the cats you need to contact.

QUANTUM UPDATE–Well, Quantum officially filed Chapter 11 on Oct. 27. It looks likethey are going to try and make a go of it.One of the things that almost fucked it up was a dude named Jeff Starke. Hewas a vice president and one of the people that originally started thecompany. He was doing some back door dealings and wanted the company to goChapter 7 (bankrupt). He was trying to get the rights to the 4-Valveheads. His plan was to get the heads and find someone to finance a whole newdeal with him in charge.This is the same guy that made American Motor Works go belly up. Beat everyone out of money and then found investors to open up Quantum. They made him apresident and then eventually vice president when he got other people toinvest more money.It seems to be his scam.

When he moved here from South Florida and boughtHarley Motor Works from Dennis Mitchell, they ended up going to court. ThenSmitty from Spirat had some dealings with him and it either went to court oranother route. The Snap-on tool truck is not allowed to stop at the shopbecause he ripped them off too. Everyone I know of that has any kind ofbusiness dealing with him has had problems or gotten screwed.

Well the new investors knew all this too and wanted to cover all their bases.It appears that they have and are going to try and make a go of it.I met with Keith Ruxton and a couple of the guys Friday and let them knowthat I was still game for it, especially if Starke was out. They assuredme he was.

Now we wait for things to take their course.I will keep you informed–Rogue

AMERICAN IRON MAGAZINE REPORT–Starting with the February 2001 issue, on sale in January, American Iron Magazine will begin year-long coverage of the Indian scene to be part of the 100 years of Indians. This coverage will be in additional pages so we will not be giving up any Harley-oriented editorial pages.

VALUABLE INFO–American car horns beep in the tone of F.
No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times.
Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.
One in every four Americans has appeared on television.
You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are 50 years of age orolder.
The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache

CYRIL HUZE ABSOLUTE CUSTOM–Here’s another sharp example of Cyril’s handiwork. For more information, hunt him down for one of his Miami Vice catalogs.

BIKERNET EAST WEEKLY PARTS CONNECTION–

5 S&S Shorty (E) series carbs with chrome air cleaners$200 each.
1 Delkron FXR 5-speed spline shaft transmission complete with pulley$1100.
1 4-Speed Harley transmission fits 1965-1984 Big Twin (rebuilt)$1000.
1 Roadstar 16-inch spoke wheel in box$250.
3 Revtech 16×3 front rally style billet wheel complete$300 each.
1 Sturgis 16×3 1/2 front Daytona style billet wheel complete$300.
1 Sturgis 16×3 1/2 front Mirage style billet wheel complete$300.
1 Sturgis 16×3 1/2 rear Mirage style billet wheel complete$300.
2 Sturgis 16×3 1/2 rims only Mirage style billet wheel$150 each.
2 Sturgis 16×5 1/4 Rims only rear Roadstar style billet wheel$200 each.
1 Roadstar billet belt pulley rear$300.
2 CCI 47-098 70 tooth rear pulley multi spoke$275 each.
5 billet aluminum inner primarys to fit FXR$500 each.
5 billet aluminum outer primary covers to fit FXR$500 each.
3 H-D inner primarys to fit FXR$200 each.
1 H-D outer primary cover to fit FXR$100.
10 Sets of 4140 Steel EVO connecting rods$50 set.
5 S&S connecting rod sets part number 34-7010$150 each.
2 Spyke starter jackshaft kits CCI 28-677 big twins 89-93$80 each.
5 New Harley-Davidson factory wrinkle black starters 84 up EVO$125 each.
3 5-Speed Harley-Davidson taper shaft diaphragm clutch assembly w/kevlarclutch plates $400 each.
7 heavy billet aluminum 5-speed transmission doors polished and bearings$150 each.
7 Jims pinion gears 24045-78 Green to 89$30 each.
3 JIMS pinion gears 24043-78 Red to 89$30 each.
2 sets CCI 15-294 six-gallon gas tanks H-D FXST 1984-96 & custom frames$100 set.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve heads front, minor repair needed on some(guide, seat, threads) Retail Price $295.68, – Dealer $197.12$75 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve heads rear, minor repair needed on some(guide, seat, threads) Retail Price $295.68, – Dealer $197.12$75 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve front rocker boxes complete, need to be reshimed$175 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve rear rocker boxes complete, need to be reshimed$175 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve front rocker boxes Retail $184.20- Dealer$122.80 $75 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve rear rocker boxes Retail $184.20- Dealer $122.80$75 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve front exhaust rocker arms Retail $159.38- Dealer$106.25 $50 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve front intake rocker arms Retail $159.38- Dealer$106.25 $50 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve rear intake rocker arms Retail $159.38- Dealer$106.25 $50 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve rear exhaust rocker arms Retail $159.38- Dealer$106.25 $50 each.
20 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve rocker box covers Retail $86.52- Dealer $57.68$25 each.

–BIKERROGUE@email.msn.com

FREE RUSTY.COM–A token of freedom for Rusty–Naomi and Suzy from Bikers Dream. For information on law enforcement, support items and Crime Inc. products, see the above site. Also, if you’re a Hells Angel fan, follow the plight of Rusty Coones on this site.

HAWGSKINS.COM– Are you a long-distance putter? Do you ride in weather that sinks ships? Well Hawgskins manufactures heavy leather bras for lower legs of Harley front ends. These custom puppies will protect your lower legs from ragged nicks and dings shot at you from the high- speed open road. They’re like chaps for your front end. Go to Hawgskins.com and check ’em out.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN PUMPKINS DRINK TOO MUCH–

BIKERNET FEATURED IN INDUSTRY REPORT–No shit. Bikernet, that’s us, was featured in an industry report on biker Web sites to watch. I was blown away. It’s like featuring Joe’s Bar in an exclusive restaurant magazine. Here’s a quote, “This West Coast-based online bomb-thrower achieves symmetry, balance and biker Zen by blending old-school savvy with high-tech funk.” Wow! I was blown away. I’d quote some more, but the rest was bad. Real bad. The other site featured was American Motorcycle Network. “Lee Love, whose claim that AMN is the ‘largest source of motorcycle news on the planet,’ is grooming AMN to be ground zero for two-wheeled surfers. Check out the newly launched Motorcycle News Wire for the latest industry buzz including quotes, rumor and hot links.”We sent these bastards a letter bomb this morning. We’re now hiring subversives in the Virginia area to eliminate this site. Please send your resumes to bandit@bikernet.com.

A GHOSTLY RETREAT–Like I was saying before I was interrupted by the news … We need to get away more often. Think back to Halloween night when you painted your face crimson, installed the long fangs of evil and started your glistening steed for a wild ride into the slippery city night. Begin to focus on the party, on the scantily clad girls, the evil lurking around every corner. If your brains cells aren’t completely fried, try to imagine that last party, the one where you promised to meet the women from the first two.

As you sip your last Jack of the evening and watched the lightweights and punks slip into their drunken stupors, you catch the eye of someone in silk with buttery cleavage. Her form entices you, and someone introduces you. One girl is tall, her hair a silken robe that hangs like black icing flowing down the side of a Halloween cake. The other is bouncy and aggressive, short but long on witty attitude. She knows what she wants and is actively pursuing it. They chat with you, each word probing for a response, for acceptance, for an open door. You listen and agree, tease and let the door swing. With each subject, the sexual overtures blossom forth. It’s only for you to allow them freedom. The short blond becomes more furtive, until words turn to touch and the night explodes with new sensations.

What begins as an evening of drinks and cool rides becomes ecstasy between the sheets. As you watch the sun come up, you wonder what the 12-hour work days are all about. Hit the iron pile, polish the bike and find a new adventure. It’s biker heaven right here on earth.

Better hit the road before I’m recognized.–Bandit

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–CONSPIRACY CHARGES FILED AGAINST MEMBER OF BIKERNET STAFF

This is ridiculous. We’ve got so much shit flyin’ we don’t know which way to turn. Perhaps I should just go out to the Bikernet garage…

and fire up the ’48 and let her warm up. Since we slipped new pistons in it, I’m trying to break it in nice and easy. With the dual Mikunis and an automatic advance distributor she fired first kick, although I fucked up the timing the first time around. Then for some reason the points quit on me. I replaced the coil. Nothing. Then the condensor. Nothing. Finally, I cleaned and sanded the points and it came right back to life. I have a feeling that this old 61-inch tramp is going to run like smooth sex.

We’ve kicked off a link program and will be posting links to biker rights organizations, our sponsors, our advertisers and whoever the fuck I choose. It should be a quick reference guide, if you need to reach someone fast.

The Bike Show area is undergoing some tweaking, but will be flying soon. It’s up to me to design some cool trophies (with the image below). We have something in mind that will double as a point cover, or you can hang it on the wall with all your other trophies. We have also added a couple classes to the mix to spread the wealth. Sure, there will be the standard Radical Class (anything with a custom or modified frame); Street Custom (anything with a stock un-modified chassis), Vintage Chopper (rigids and old chops), Pro-Street (street race scoots), Competition (serious racers); Sportster; Rat and a Ridden Class (any guy who wants to boost his mileage). Did I leave anything out? Let me know if I did. It will be free to enter.

Okay, what else? The Buell is minus the air box, which is making me twitch, I need to go for a ride. I’m waiting on a Screamin’ Eagle air box for the carb. We’ve kicked off a portion on the site dedicated to Buell modifications (Buell Report). You can check there for info from other enthusiasts and I will post any goddamn thing I do to that bike. We might discover that there’s a hidden outlaw in the H-D line-up and it’s called a Buell. Keep in mind that Buells are basically FXRs turned upside down with a high-performance Sportster engine slapped into them. Watch and see what happens. The Blue Flame should be back in the garage for the Love Ride. I’ll be working on the tank tech next week. Oh, and don’t forget: The 1946 Indian is still for sale (bandit@bikernet.com). Send me an e-mail if you have a suitcase fulla cash.

Remember Brenda, Brenda, Brenda, Brenda the famous model/stunt woman/rider who works at Bartels’ Harley-Davidson in Marina del Rey? We just performed three techs on her new Deuce: lowered shocks were installed, as was a new Samson exhaust and the new Holly carb from Harley-Davidson. She’s smiling from ear to ear. You’ll see the info posted here starting next week.

Fuck it, let’s get to the news:

QUANTUM CYCLES UPDATE–The gates are locked and every one is laid off pending the outcome of acourt hearing on Chapter 11.The people from Canada wanted to buy it and started the merger but found allkinds of fucked-up things.They had Hagen and Irving resign and were all set togo ahead when Jeff Starke threw a monkey wrench into the deal by tellingFeuling a bunch of shit and trying to make a side deal with him as some money was still owed on buying the patent for the 4-Valve heads.

This is the same guy who made American Motor Works go belly up and oweseveryone money. He’s been to court for not paying or violating contracts witheveryone he did business with since he moved here from South Florida. Owesme, Smitty and a bunch of other people money too.

We are all hoping that the new guys get it and we all can get back towork. I am doing side jobs for now. Need to call Keith Ruxton and see how heis making out. He just moved all of his stuff here but don’t think he and Chrishave bought a house yet. A lot of people fucked by this. I will keep you advised as best I can.–Rogue

CYRIL HUZE ULTIMATE CUSTOMS– has just launched a new catalog. If you’re a builder and want to explore a completely different line of products, get one of Cyril’s catalogs. It’s packed with products that look like nothing else on the planet. Cyril is a designer from way back and knows what he wants from his products. (Click on his banner for more info) He demands originality and gets it. Here’s one of his own rides.

DRINKS AND YOUR PERSONALITY– Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman’s personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The results:

Drink: Beer Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down-to-earth. Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink: Blender Drinks Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the buttocks. Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabana boy.

Drink: Mixed Drinks Personality: Older, more refined, high maintenance, has very pickytaste; knows exactly what she wants. Your Approach: You won’t have to approach her, if she is interested,she’ll send YOU a drink.

Drink: Wine – (does not include White Zinfandel, see below) Personality: Conservative and classy; sophisticated yet giggles. Your Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings with friends.

Drink: White Zin Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually hasno clue. Your approach: Make her feel smarter than she is … this should be aneasy target.

Drink: Shots Personality: Likes to hang with frat-boy pals and looking to get totally drunk … and naked. Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. You have been blessed thisevening. Nothing to do but wait. However, be careful not to make her mad!

Drink: Tequila: No explanations required-everyone just KNOWS what happens there.

BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT ON BIKETOBERFEST– Hey guys, just got back from Biketoberfest. Once more the traffic andpandemonium got the best of us. All ran strangely smooth, the planes, theshipping, the hotel reservations, etc. As soon as we rolled in, our bikeswere there, nice weather hung over the coast and a quick drive from Jacksonville landed us in the center of Daytona action.

We passed bysome of the booths and said hi to friendsbefore the mayhem of the weekend started, before the pacing walk became amad dash for life. I needed to catch a few hours of sleep before theconstant wacking of drag pipes became unbearable, with rubbies left andright twisting the infernal throttle, “wack ,wack, lookatmee,lookatmee…!”

My girlfriend’s chopper was ready, cool and waiting to be broken in. Some 6inches of stretch, 42 degree rake, kandy green and a 1200 Sportster motor,cool, light and brand spankin’new. Had my new chopper waiting also, black, 10 inches over,47 degrees, Panhead from STD and rigid….. We put some miles in them,limited might I add, but easy, helmetless miles.

As the week went on, things started to get busy. Seems there is notenough time to do all, or even little, crowds, traffic and a hellish timetrying to go from one place to another, meeting here, Rats Hole, Boardwalkshow, dinner, meeting, ride, checking out the endless vendors, ride,dinner, meeting, bars, trying to sleep. They all connect ,everythinghappening at the same time, not having time to do all, finally to hell withall and try to relax, getting almost nothing done.

Thanks to the Volusia County Sheriffs Department, we spent two of thoseprecious hours being interrogated as bike thieves. The story goes likethis:A friend of mine from PR moved to Texas and left his bike in my shop forsafekeeping until he could ship it to Texas. Since my trailer was going toFlorida, I offered to take it as long as he picked up the bike in Daytona,cool.

He shows up with a U-haul and we get on the hotel courtesy van to pick upthe bike at the trailer lot. A cop saw the U-haul and felt that he was up tono good. When we saw the now-Texas residents being pulled over by thesheriff, I pulled the van over and asked what was happening. There and thenmy rights went fliying out the door. He asked me for ID and asked me to corroborate the story. I’m cooperating as much aspossible ’cause I want to get the fuck out of there, before they findsomething, or make it up. Then the Volusia stolen bike task forcechief shows up and we have five cops against four guys that just want to get thehell out of there. Then, another deputy notices my friend’s “Support yourlocal Red & White Orange County” sticker and really starts giving us dirty looks. Lucky he doesn’t know jack shit about the HA. Finally, I ask him to follow us to the trailer and check the fucking VINnumbers so he can feel he did his duty. He went into the trailer, mag light in handand proceeded to check the bikes. I wasso happy to see that dude leave us alone.

On the bright side: Jesse James had some killer chops, Dirty Harry and theBank were never crowded, we got to ride around without the mega crowds ofBike Week. First time ever in Main Street with no helmet, missed all theshows, came back with three killer choppers. I got my book signed by Sonnyand everyone was unhurt in our crowd. And by the way, had a very stokedgirlfriend…

See ya soon……Jose

I WAS THINKING ABOUT YOUR– Buell project and it rattled my brain some. What’s left, anyway? Rick, who is in charge of R&D at Titan, had a Buell S2like mine. He cut up a rejected Thunder Header and used just muffler parts. He made an adapter for it to fit the stock Buell header pipe. The sound was more like a Sportster or Big Twin than a Buell. This may be something to look into.

KT products makes a very loud pipe. Also Force One in Lake Havasu, Ariz., makes a good pipe using the reverse megaphone technology. Also a guttedBuell muffler (Race Type) sounds really fine.

This is the force airbreather setup for the Buell.The Website was forceusa.com but it is unavailable now.

VANCIL FLIPS FOR TROPHY IN VEGAS–Doug Vancil brought home the trophy from the JIMS Las Vegas Nationals at “The Strip” at Las Vegas Motor Speedway. But he only took home half the purse.

Vancil’s best qualifying pass on the Vance & Hines/Drag Specialties Top Fueler was 6.91 ET at 210 earning him ninth on the 16-bike ladder out of 29 teams. “The clutch was slipping in qualifying but the early numbers were good. Sunday morning in the first round, we won over Bill Furr of Orangeburg, S.C., running a 6.71 ET at 205.10 in the 1/8 mile but the wind was terrible. AHDRA officials decided to change to the 1/8 mile for safety reasons. It was a good decision.”

Round two, Vancil won over Jim McClure of Williamsburg, Va., running the 1/8th in 4.29 ET as McClure spun the tire. In the semi-finals, it was Vancil over San Antonio, Texan Mark Conner. But the weather went from bad to worse, with rain halting the show and no sign of reprieve.

Vancil was slated to match up against Canadian National champion Ron Houniet in the final. Houniet came to the last round running a 4.37 ET. Vancil said: “I don’t think that I’ve ever run Ron before, it looked to be a good race but oh, well what are you going to do?” The decision was made to call the race a draw and split the money. But what about the JIMS Vegas trophy? The two racers flipped a Canadian coin. “Ron said it was a loon coin. It was OK with me. I won the toss, so I got the trophy.”

The Vancils are proudly supported by Vance & Hines, Drag Specialties, Performance Machine, K & N, PJ 1, B & J Transmission, & Axtell.

Don’t forget to watch IHRA on TNN on Sunday nights at 10:30 pm EST.

THE LATEST HORSE MAGAZINE–Sports a cover with our own Rourke and the Silver Slut scoring center stage. Hell, there’s a tech on the Blue Flame, a story of my sordid past and fiction from… Well, it’s too bizarre to mention. Check it out.

SSSHHHH! NEWS FLASH!–“Asphalt Cowboy,” the screenplay based on one of Bandit’s book outlines, is inching closer to production. Yeah, that’s right. All the different elements seem to be coming together. I would like to elaborate, but deals are in the works. Any leak of information could hamstring production and put us back at square one at any moment. So cross your fingers and hold your breath and maybe, just maybe, film will be rolling as early as the start of the New Year. We’ll let you know what’s up as soon as we can. –Conrad

PALM SPRINGS BIKE WEEK–What was purportedly to be a bust, a bike show shifting to cars was a hit from all accounts. For me, it was a search for the face in the photo above. She’s Kendra Roth, once an employee with CCI and a recent recipient of a shapely boob job. I couldn’t find her. If anyone else spotted her, let me know. Now here’s the skinny on the Blackjack Shootout–Bandit:The 21 or Bust – Blackjack Shootout, held Oct. 15, was a huge successby all standards, according to run organizer Fred Pascarelli. We are intoArizona’s prime riding season and the temperature was in the mid 80s. Over 500Arizona bikers were in attendance at the first-ever event. There were evensome bikers from Germany who turned out for the event as part of their holidayin the southwestern United States.

The event, put on by a small group of independent bikers, treated attendees tothe sounds of nationally known country band Duane Moore and Mogollon, who playedsome fine bike rock and blues to boot. Inside Yolanda’s Chuckwagon was a greatDJ, some excellent karaoke singers and some 21 dealers that wowed the crowd.

Outside on the main stage, the fake orgasm contest was more than we had everhoped for with the crowd vote determining the winner. The 50/50 ticket sellersentertained everyone from the band to the security to the crowd and the BudGirls were awesome as they took pictures with event attendees and passed out Budand BudLight mementos.

As for the award winners:Two Florence food banks will split $802 from the 50/50 and extra 21 hand sales.

According to run organizer Fred Pascarelli, “gate receipts did not cover ourcosts associated with putting on the event.” However, even with costs exceedingreceipts, Fred and Jayne are making donations of $500 to the American HeartAssociation and $500 to the American Diabetes Foundation on behalf of the 21 orBust Blackjack Shootout.

50/50 Winners:

* Mike Mullarkie pocketed $650
* Joann Strand, second prize winner in the 50/50, took home a pair of diamondearrings valued at over $600.
* Logan of Logan’s Valley Motorcycle won the third prize in the 50/50, a $300Harley-Davidson Willie G. leather jacket.

Blackjack Shootout Winners
* Dennis Beye won the trip to the 2001 Laughlin River Run and $150 cash.
* Linda Pinkerton won secnd place in the Blackjack Shootout and $150 for her skillat picking cards.

Fake Orgasm Winners:* Here everyone was a winner as the contest was a huge success
* Shawna Davis won first place and a trip for two to Laughlin.
* Second place and $50 went to “Spaz”

A first round of run pictures is currently available on the 21 or Bust Website,http://www.21-or-bust.com.

For more information, contactFred Pascarelli at(480) 759-2218

MY DAMN PICTURE– is showing up more on your site thanmy own. I suppose you still can’t recognize one of yourown highly paid writing staff. That would be me givingthe one finger salute in last week’s news.

My snowbird flight from north to south(west) was kick-ass as usual, the highlight being riding the NatchezTrace. If anyone ever finds themselves in Tennessee,the Trace is a must ride. Especially the first 100 milessouth of Nashville. Winding through the hills, this slabof asphalt has the curves of a centerfold and is smoothas French silk. I’m not talkin’ curves to challenge theBuell riding canyon racers. The sweeping radius on thisroad is one after the other and it makes you feel as if you’reno longer connected to the ground, just floating. Iguarantee you will be smiling. The Trace is limitedaccess, like a two-lane expressway, and no commercialtraffic is allowed. I rode it for two days and saw nomore than a dozen other vehicles. No semis, no towns,no crossroads, just you and the long winding road. Thisis motorcycle Disneyland. It just gets better. I wasblessed with radiant blue sky, T-shirt temps and treespainted with autumn color. How did I get to be such alucky bastard?

Now, you may be asking “whatdafuck is a NatchezTrace?” First it was an Indian trail, then it was a routenorth for Mississippi barge runners. They would floattheir barges of goods down river, then with no way togo back up stream they would sell the wooden floats forlumber and walk home. There are many places alongthe road where you can stop and see the well-worn paththrough the woods, still there after all these years. Nowit is a national parkway running from Nashville toNatchez, Miss. It is definitely on my top 10 list ofroads in this country.

Another note, or maybe I should call it a warning. As Iwas riding through this part of the world, I saw onepolitical ad after another about the increased deaths ofmotorcycle riders in Louisiana since their helmet lawrepeal. They are pushing hard to reinstate the law. I’msure that a closer look at the statistics would reveal thetruth. Like maybe there was a huge increase in ridersduring this same period? So OZ, is there anything wecan do to help stop this from happening?

The second highlight was a visit to Tombstone, Ariz. Yes, it is a tourist trap, but it is the most original andauthentic wild west town I’ve been in. As you passunder the covered store fronts, your boots echo thesounds of yesteryear on the boardwalk. You can almostsmell the black powder in the air and feel the six-shootertied to your leg. To complete the effect, when you arriveat the Crystal Palace Saloon, saunter up to the building-length bar and bark out “whiskey!”

Then suddenly thesoft voice of Debra, a beautiful young freelancephotographer, snaps you from your daydream, “Youhave just the tall rugged look I’ve been waiting for. Could I ask you to……..”

I’m such a lucky bastard!

–FTW,Stroker

LEARN CHINESE IN 5 MINUTES–

English: He’s cleaning his automobile
Chinese: Wa Shing Ka

English: This is a tow away zone
Chinese: No Pah King

English: Is there a fugitive here?
Chinese: Hu Yu Hai Ding?

English: Small Horse
Chinese: Tai Ni Po Ni

English: Your price is too high!!!
Chinese: No Bai Nut Ding!!!

English: Did you go to the beach?
Chinese: Wai Yu So Tan?

English: I bumped into a coffee table
Chinese: Ai Bang Mai Ni

English: It’s very dark in here
Chinese: Wai So Dim?

English: Has your flight been delayed?
Chinese: Hao Long Wei Ting?

English: I thought you were on a diet?
Chinese: Wai Yu Mun Ching?

English: They have arrived
Chinese: Hai Dei Kum

English: Your body odor is offensive
Chinese: Yu Stin Ki Pu

English: You know lyrics to the Macarena?
Chinese: Wai Yu Sing Dum Song?

English: I got this for free
Chinese: Ai No Pei

English: Stay out of sight
Chinese: Lei Lo

English: Phew! Does this bathroom stink!
Chinese: Hu Flung Dung?

–Michael Walch

MYSTERY SLED–Thebike was custom-built at Strokers plus in Sabattus, Maine. The motor is a 113-inch S&S with branch head work, crane hi-4 ignition, headquarters bumpstick, S&S carb and E.M.C blower. Bike makes some serious H.P. Baker 6-speed trans, 200 series rear tire and Chopper Guys chassis. The paint work was done by East Coast and features checkered flag with ripped purple paint (House of Kolor). lowbikes@aol.com.

Yeah, so why is it here?–Bandit

BIKERNET CONSPIRACY INVESTIGATION– What’s that,putting a rev limiter under someone’s seat (Zebra’s Scoot, from his account of the Sturgis 2000 run from the East)? That’s why I’m not trusting someone over 50 years of age from San Pedro! You Sly Dog! He, he, he, he.–Thomas Brown

I’m innocent, I tell ya.–Bandit

ULTRA WIDE ONE– Here’s one of Ultra’s new models. The first company of this type to build reasonably priced rigid framed models, Ultra continues to build a complete line of Softail and rubbermount models.

This is the Wide One: A classic with a twist, this sporty cruiser gets better every year. It’s loaded with new features for 2001: Chrome inverted front end; smooth gas shocks; new ultra-comfortable passenger saddle; precision machined fender struts and an all-new chassis for 2001. All bikes come with full custom paint schemes. For more info, go to www.ultracycles.com.

WE WERE WONDERING– FOR MORE INFORMATION CONTACT US: www.chopper.ite-mail: info@chopper.it. WE WOULD BE GRATEFUL TO HAVE A PLACE ON YOUR WEB SITE ABOUT THE SHOW.THANK YOU. “Francesco Agnoletto”

NEWS BRIEFS–Biketoberfest has been a horror this year – LOTS of deaths. Very scary! Oh, and did you hear about Lauren Hutton going off the road on her motorcycle in Vegas? Dangerous days, I guess!

–Sundance

BIKERTRASH.COM– Biker Internet Magazine published since 1997. I had been looking for a publication that wasn’t afraid or too pussy whipped too publish my adventures revolving mostly around the Outlaw Club, 1%ers, patches.I am trash and honor my brothers. I live, breathe and devoted my life to the old- school way.

Bikertrash.com not only had no problem with my “friends” and doesn’t fuck with my way/style of expressing myself. Yeah, he edits some, but not really that much and never changes the meaning of whatever it is I’m trying to get across to my readers.

I really enjoyed your site and would love to be one of your contributing biker news bitches. Perhaps even a column page set up for a fictional reporter written by me with the pen name……….humm lets see…Biker Bobbi (this is one mean, bad-ass, knock-down, give-ya-a-hard on- within-seconds-of-looking-at-her bitch). She could be at events and write about what she REALLY sees/hears. Could be trouble for ya.

If ya got Biker Magazine, September issue, number 186, flip to pages 44 and 45. Feature story “BB DOES RUBY” with semi nude photo’s…yeah that’s right, it’s me in the flesh. I wrote about how I stripped in Keystone last year (1999) during Sturgis in a place called The Rubby House.

–BB

LOVE RIDE NOVEMBER 12, 2000– Visit http://www.loveride.org for details and event schedules.

THE PRESIDENT– The President and Mrs. Clinton are in the front row at a Yankees game. The row behind them is taken up with secret service agents. One of them leans over and whispers in the President’s ear. Mr. Clinton pauses, then grabs Hillary by the scruff of the neck and heaves her over the railing. She falls 10 feet to the top of the dug out, kicking and screaming obscenities.

The President shakes hands of those near him and gets “high five’s”. The secret service agent leans over again and whispers, “Mr. President, I said, they want you to throw out the first PITCH!”

MY NAME IS DEAN LAMAR– and I am the Internet marketing director for Gettysburg Financial Inc. We specialize in financing custom cycles, exotic/classic and sports cars.

Balloon finance specialists
With good credit, we offer the lowest payments available
Refinance existing vehicles and lower payments
Age of collateral is no problem
Custom quotes are our pleasure
Thousands of satisfied customers
We finance Euro cars

Please visit our Website at www.gettysburgfinancial.com We offer a secure online application for your convenience.

For more information and a custom quote, please contact us at (954) 786-2642 or info@gettysburgfinancial.com

DEVIL DOLLS NEW CALENDAR–No, this is not a shot from the Bastard Babes from Frisco’s new calendar. This is a shot of the president, Goth Girl and the babe, who will come to your home and kick your ass if you don’t buy a calendar. Here’s a note from the pres: “If the frickin’ mail delivers your Devil Doll 2001 calendar, you can scan whatever you want from that.”

As far as news, we are announcing our big Frisco bash on Dec. 1 at the groovy niteclub Double Play to celebrate the 2001 calendar release. It will begin at 7 p.m. and go til we say “enough.” More enticing info and threats can be found on our events page on our Website www.devildolls.com

I will be going to Denver on Thursday afternoon until Sunday evening for work. Hopefully, I will not be kidnapped by any rival gangs…he he. OK, masked man. Let me know when that damn calendar arrives.

–GOTHGIRL,your Doll

LITTLE KNOWN FACTS–The citrus soda 7-UP was created in 1929; “7” was selected becausetheoriginal containers were 7 ounces. “UP” indicated the direction ofthebubbles.

Mosquito repellents don’t repel. They hide you. The spray blocksthemosquito’s sensors, so they don’t know you’re there.

Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least 6 feetawayfrom a toilet, to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.

The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as substitute for blood.

That’s all ya get this week. Pop quiz later.

SPORT CRUISER– Takes Cruiser Performance to a New, Higher Level WithRefinements for 2001.

A year ago, Victory Motorcycles rewrote the book on cruiser motorcycle performance with the introduction of its phenomenal V92SC Sport Cruiser. “It delivered such outstanding handling and braking that it established a newtype of motorcycle not a sport bike, not merely a cruiser, but aSport Cruiser.” Check the Victory Website for all the hot new innovations.

BOUDREAUX AND THIBODAUX– Boudreaux and Thibodaux were walking down a country road when they came upon a young woman with a flat on her bicycle. Boudreaux stopped to help her with the flat and Thibodaux continued on down the road.

Awhile later Boudreaux came riding up on the bike and Thibodaux asked him what happened. “Well,” said Boudreaux, “I stopped and fixed de flat for dat chick and after I did dat, she took off her panties, lay down in de grass and told me to take whatever I wanted. I chose dis bicycle.”

Thibodaux said, “My friend, you did just the right thing, cause dem panties probably wouldn’t fit you anyway”.

THERE YOU HAVE IT–That’s all I can handle. I know I forgot something, but what the hell. Chew me out, point out my mistakes. I don’t care. As soon as the news is packed in, I pack it in for the week. Yeah, right. I’ll be back at it tomorrow, for awhile, but then it’s Jack Daniels, screwing with the bikes in the garage and chasin’ ever-lovin’ women. Which reminds me, keep sending in the shots. There are valuable prizes waiting for the most outrageous riding shots to melt Kodak paper.

A buddy stopped by just after Sin Wu scooted out the back door after lunch, and we blathered on about bikes and broads. We chatted about life and its ups and downs and came to the conclusion that as bikers, we have the world by the tail. We’ve had one helluva run, and as long as there are bikes, women and streets to ride on, the adventure continues. So don’t let the bastards get you down, ever. Get out and ride, and if your woman is giving you grief, hell there’s plenty where the last one came from. On the other hand, don’t blow a good thing if you can help it. Fuck, we’re burnin’ daylight, let’s ride–Bandit.

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–HEADQUARTERS OVERRUN WITH WOMEN

Big week at the Bikernet sweat shop. You know the feeling of having a week that looks as calm as Monday Night Football and a cold one — no break-ins, fist fights, cops banging on the crumbling exterior of the Bikernet headquarters, nada. Sure, my plate was full with six tech features that needed to be written and I had to proof the Orwell cover and send it to the printer. We had a press release to write and a couple more tweaks to perform on the classic ’48 Pan with the dual Mikunis. John Buttera of Lil’ John Products, a master designer and machinist, had visited the headquarters and demanded that I build him a Panhead desk. I planned to inventory the scruffy, broken and twisted parts bin for the mangled material to begin the project. That was Monday’s check list, which also included trading in my new Buell Thunderbolt. It has bulletproof touring hard bags and is fuel injected for the sportier Cyclone with carb, smaller fairing, low-end torque and black on black exterior. I immediately felt more comfortable on the model with the lower handlebars and narrower profile.

Unfortunately there was a sense of unrelenting urgency to the fleeting hours of the first day of the week. I was expecting the parts needed to perform three techs on a new H-D Deuce the following day, and she was delivering the bike just after the Titans tromped the Jaguars. I had also made arrangements to have the tech operation performed at the Harley-Davidson fleet center by the knowledgeable hands of Gene and Gene Jr.That’s when the week got crazy. Gene Jr. called and a movie shoot would take the two skilled professionals out in the field. I checked schedules, there was a trip to Nashville, a $5,000 photo shoot for Brenda later in the week and innumerable other commitments to be filled. It had to go down on Tuesday, but the parts still hadn’t arrived. At 10 a.m. Monday, with no products in hand and the fleet center closed on Tuesday, my plan was rapidly going to shit. What, me worry? First, Nuutboy and I, along with Wrench, swaying Snake and the affable Renegade, decided that we would undertake the project ourselves in the Bikernet garage. Of course Renegade got pissed and stormed out because I ran out of Jack. Snake went to the bar to reflect on the proposed physical labor and after the second six pack withdrew his offer of help. Wrench and Nuutboy scoffed at their timely retreat and stood fast, I thought. But where were the parts? We better get to the news:

PENTHOUSE COVERS STURGIS–I’m writing to announce that PENTHOUSE.COM’S coverage of the Sturgis2000 Races and Rally is now up and running at:www.penthouse.com/sturgis_journal/

BANDIT’S 1946 INDIAN FOR SALE–No, I don’t want to sell it, but a man’s got to do what a man’s got to do. Not only will you receive my favorite Indian of all time, but several posters of the above image. That shot alone is worth $25,000. Quick, send me the cash –bandit@bikernet.com.

EXCELSIOR HENDERSON HITS DELAYS–E.H. Partners Inc., owner of the Excelsior-Henderson Motorcycle Manufacturing Company, announced Monday its plans for the business it acquired out of Chapter 11 in September. A two- month review of the business by new management and consultants indicates clearly that restructuring and relaunching the company will require more time than originally anticipated to execute a successful, high impact re-entry of the brand for the 2001 season.

Given that conclusion, management has decided to plan new model market entry for 2002. This will allow the company time to properly restaff the organization, re-establish its dealer network, perfect the design of its original market entry motorcycles and develop a broader line of motorcycles and accessories. At the appropriate time, E-H will return to market with the very best heavyweight motorcycle technology, backed by a complete and well-financed marketing plan.

SWEET DREAMS–Harley-Davidson Authorized Rentals Announces”I Dream of Harley” Contest Winners at www.hdrentals.com.

James White of Huntsville, Ala., hasbeen named grand prize winner of the “I Dream of Harley” contest sponsoredby Harley-Davidson Authorized Rentals. The contest marked the launch of thefirst-ever motorcycle rentals program backed by Harley-Davidson MotorCompany.

White’s essay was chosen out of more than 6,500 entries received frommotorcycling enthusiasts from across the country. As grand-prize winner,White will receive a complimentary seven-day rental from the Harley-DavidsonAuthorized Rentals location of his choice. The complimentary motorcyclingvacation also includes: lodging for the week, round trip airfare and $500 inspending money. Visit www.hdrentals.com to view White’s winning essay alongwith the entries of the six semi-finalists.The semi-finalists will receive complimentary Harley-Davidson AuthorizedRentals for up to three days.

*H.D. Sell, Northridge, Calif.
*John Bowers, Canton, Ohio
*Rob Tejeda, Miami Beach, Fla.
*Ernst Ulibarri, Albuquerque, N.M.
*Christopher Raymond, Mohrsville, Penn.
*Dave Tuttle, Mesa, Ariz.

COMING TO YOUR TOWN SOON–Transportation Appropriations conferees voted to include sanctions forstates that do not enact laws making .08 blood alcohol content the legallimit. Under the provision, states will have until fiscal year 2004 to enact .08 BACor lose 2 percent of their federal annual highway construction funds; in 2005they lose 4 percent; in 2006 they lose 6 percent; and in 2007 they lose 8 percent.States that adopt the standard by 2007 would be reimbursed for any withheldmoney.

The conference report must still be adopted by the full House andSenate, but once passed by Congress, the president is expected to sign thebill into law. The coalition worked throughout the year with the AdvocatesforHighway and Auto Safety to effect this life-saving outcome despite strongopposition from the alcohol and restaurant industries.

A FEDERAL APPEALS COURT HAS UPHELD– an Alabama law banning the sale ofartificial penises. The law was challenged last year by six women who eithersell sex aids or said they need them to get the job done. A U.S. Districtjudge agreed, saying it was “overly broad” and in violation of due processrights. But last week a three-judge 11th Circuit panel overturned theruling.They said the law, “is rationally related to the state’s legitimategovernmentinterest in public morality.” The penalty for selling or distributing rubberdicksin Alabama? Up to one year in jail and a $10,000 fine.

–Cowboy

AH, CHRISTMAS IS COMING–DON’T YA HATE IT?–But since we are obligated to spend our hard-earned coin on gifts for all 45,000 of our closest friends, I’m tired of buying them bike parts that don’t fit. There’s a sure-fire cure to that dilemma: You’ll to buy all your friends “Sam “Chopper” Orwell.” If that won’t do, check out the winter line-up from Whitehorse Press. Check the assortment at WhitehorsePress.com

EVERY MARRIED MAN KNOWS– Every married man knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands. This is a handy guide that should be in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend or significant other.

DANGEROUS: What’s for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
DANGEROUS: Are you wearing THAT?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: Wow! Look at you!
DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here’s $50.
DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
DANGEROUS: What did you DO all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn’t overdo today.
SAFEST: I’ve always loved you in that robe.

BIG APPLE BIKERNET BABE CORRESPONDENT–Sasha is headed for Biketoberfest to romp and stomp with the big dogs while reporting for Bikernet and Bikerlady.com, which is soon to be launched. If you see her there, tell her Bandit asked you to watch out for her. She’s a jewel.

VICTORY MOTORCYCLES NEW MODEL LINE-UP–An excited e-mail arrived from the heady Polaris headquarters: “Bandit, did you receive a press kit?”

“Nope.”

“Nope?”

“Nope.”

We’ll fix that,” the banter continued.

Less than an hour later, a gilded carriage pulled by massive Clydesdales halted in front of the headquarters. The team of horses snorted and whinnied after the trek from Minnesota to the coast. Armed cavaliers in leather jackets weilding razor-sharp sabors sliced the growling Bikernet mascot into a case of T-bone steaks and made their way to the weather-beaten front door with an engraved leather satchel. Renegade and Agent Zebra burst out the door with cocked .45s aimed at the two goateed drivers.

I stepped between my two trigger-happy lieutenants and retrieved the package. Without a word, we stepped back into the headquarters, bolted the rickety front door and raised the bridge from over the seething moat.

It’s one of the most impressive press packets I have encountered. Expanding their line-up to three models with an assortment of accessories is quite a feat for this fledgling company. We’ll highlight one model each week for the next three weeks.

BIKERNET’S BLUE-LIGHT PARTS SPECIALS–

5 S&S Shorty (E) series carbs with chrome air cleaners$200 each.
1 Yellow powder coated Kenny Boyce Pro Street Frame$400.
1 Delkron FXR 5 speed spline shaft transmission complete with pulley$1100.
1 4 Speed Harley transmission fits 1965-1984 Big Twin ( rebuilt)$1000.
1 Roadstar 16 inch spoke wheel in box$250.
3 Revtech 16×3 Front rally style billet wheel complete$300 each.
1 Sturgis 16×3 1/2 front Daytona style billet wheel complete$300.
1 Sturgis 16×3 1/2 front Mirage style billet wheel complete$300.
1 Sturgis 16×3 1/2 rear Mirage style billet wheel complete$300.
2 Sturgis 16×3 1/2 Rims only Mirage style billet wheel$150 each.
2 Sturgis 16×5 1/4 Rims only Rear Roadstar style billet wheel$200 each.
1 Roadstar billet belt pulley rear$300.
2 CCI 47-098 70 tooth rear pulley multi spoke$275 each.

5 Billet Aluminum inner primarys to fit FXR$500 each.
5 Billet Aliminum outer primary covers to fit FXR$500 each.
3 HD inner primarys to fit FXR$200 each.
1 HD outer primary cover to fit FXR$100.
10 Sets of 4140 Steel EVO connecting rods$50 set.
5 S&S Connecting rod sets part number 34-7010$150 each.
2 Spyke Starter jackshaft kits CCI 28-677 big twins 89-93$80 each.
5 New Harley Davidson factory wrinkle black starters 84 up EVO$125 each.
3 5 Speed Harley Davidson taper shaft diaphgram clutch assembly w/kevlarclutch plates $400 each.
7 Heavy Billet Aluminum 5 Speed transmission doors polished and beaings$150 each.
7 Jims pinion gears 24045-78 Green to 89$30 each.
3 Jims pinion gears 24043-78 Red to 89$30 each.
1 CCI 12-997 floorboards$25.
1 CCI 09-930 mini floorboards$75.

1 Sets CCI 15-298 Gas Tanks replaces HD 61211-84A & 61228-84$100 set.
3 Sets CCI 15-294 6 Gallon Gas Tanks HD FXST 1984-96 & custom frames$100 set.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve heads front, minor repair needed on some(guide,seat,threads) $75 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve heads rear, minor repair needed on some(guide,seat,threads) $75 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve front rocker boxes complete, need to be reshimed$175 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve rear rocker boxes complete, need to be reshimed$175 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve front rocker boxes$75 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve rear rocker boxes$75 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve front exhaust rocker arms$50 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve front intake rocker arms$50 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve rear intake rocker arms$50 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve rear exhaust rocker arms$50 each.
20 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve rocker box covers$25 each.

10 Dual Carb Plenums for Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve heads$50 each.
20 Intake Plenum Runners for Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve heads$25 each.
100 Feuling-Quantum intake valves$7 each.
100 Feuling-Quantum exhaust valves$6 each.
100 Feuling-Quantum rocker shafts$8 each.
*** 8 Feuling 4 Valve Front Rocker Boxes for Sportster or 4Cam V-Twin$200 each.
*** 8 Feuling 4 Valve Rear Rocker Boxes for Sportster or 4 Cam V-Twin$200 each.
*** 8 Feuling 4 Valve Front exhaust rocker arms for Sportster or 4 CamV-Twin $150 each.
*** 8 Feuling 4 Valve Front intake rocker arms for Sportster or 4 CamV-Twin $150 each.
*** 8 Feuling 4 Valve Rear intake rocker arms for Sportster or 4 Cam V-twin$150 each.
*** 8 Feuling 4 Valve Rear exhaust rocker arms for Sportster or 4 CamV-Twin $150 each.
*** 8 Feuling 4 Valve Plenun chambers for Sportster or 4 Cam V-Twin$100 each.
2 Black powdercoated oil tanks for Kenny Boyce frames$100 each.
1 White powdercoated oil tank for Kenny Boyce frames$100.
1 Chrome oil tank for Kenny Boyce frame$150.
10 Sets of Billet fender struts to fit Boyce frames$100 set.
10 Front Ofset motor mount black powdercoat Boyce frames$25 each.
10 Front Ofset motor mount Chrome KB 01-301 Boyce frames$30 each.
10 Petcocks CCI 25-253 & Chrome Spec. 260366$10 each.
10 Petcocks CCI 27050 Accel$30 each.
10 Barnett idle cables 96 up HD$8 each.
10 Barnett throttle cables 96 up HD$8 each.
20 Steel motormount stablizer (turnbuckle complete) rubber mount 5 speeds$40 each.
Other Stuff like fenders,seats,handlebars,stainless lines and cables to belisted later as I am still sorting parts–Rogue, BIKERROGUE@email.msn.com

CYRIL HUZE’S NEW CATALOG IS OUT– Cyril Huze absolutely customs is rapidly becoming one of the world’s premier bike builders. If you’re looking for a style with the craze of Lear Jet or the art deco look of the ’30s you need to see the bikes and the component Cyril is responsible for. Check www.cyrilhuze.com, you’ll be blown away.

THE BUELL REPORT–Hey,read the news about H-D on your Website. Will be in Daytona next weekend for the Buell Lighting Series race. Helping pit for my buddy from Thunder Mountain H-D in Colorado. Will be pulling in late Saturday night and be at the track early Sunday morning.

You should check the race out. Lots of good engine builders there.Don Tilley will be testing and Henry Duga from Buell will be there. Henry is Buell’s race liaison. Might give you some ideas for your Buell project.– Paul

PS. Buell’s are the untapped chopper’s of the new millennium.

I will be interviewing Don Tilley for “Hot Rod Bike” if I can catch up with him. I’ll quiz him about Buell performance mods.–Bandit

TATTOO EDITOR GETTING MARRIED–Billy Tinny is getting married to Tammy Robinson (she says finally) on Dec. 4 on the beach at St. Thomas in the U.S. Virgin Islands. See you there…

BIKERNET CANADIAN CORESPONDENT-EH!–I am attending a course to certify as a three wheeler instructor. My wife Rosalie and I had a wreck back in ’97 on the bridge between Portland, Ore., and Vancouver, Wash., and she could not get around too well after that, so I started riding hack to keep her interested in the sport. Well there was no one in my neighborhood to give me any pointers so I went out and scared the shit out of myself until I had a conversation with Trev Deeley one day. He gave me a couple of pointers to help, thank you very much.So I figured if I got certified I may be able to lend a hand to others in the same boat.

The Trev Deely Motorcycle Museum is going through a make over and should be about finished.

Here’s the dope on the instructors course:

I am pleased to announce that arrangements for the second S/TEPInstructor Prep course for this year have been finally set.

If you have anyone in your program, or know of anyone interested ingetting certified as a Sidecar/Trike Instructor they need to get registeredfor this IP as soon as possible.

The IP will be held in Kankakee, Ill., from Oct. 18 – 22. S/TEP Chief Instructor Vic Hari will be doing this IP. He isblocking off a group of rooms in a local hotel for the class. As soon as Iknow exactly which hotel it will be I will post the information on ourWebsite www.esc.org/sidecar.html.

Cost of the course is $275 per instructor candidate, and does notinclude hotel or meals. Sidecar experience is not required. MSFcertification is not required but is helpful. Registrations can be taken byphone at Evergreen Safety Council with credit card payment. Call (800) 521-0778 and ask for Tina.

The course will be two days of how to teach the curriculum, one day ofrange evaluation and management, and the last two days instructor candidateswill perform student teaching during an actual novice S/TEP class.Certification is good for three years. Rectification can be accomplishedby teaching three classes in a three-year period.

Dave
Program Manager
Evergreen Motorcycle Safety Training
www.esc.org/cycle.html
Sidecar/Trike Education Program
www.esc.org/sidecar.html
(800) 521-0778 — office
(360) 434-5221 — cell

That’s it from the great north–Gypsy Dan

ONE SUNDAY MORNING– William burst into the living room and said, “Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan.

After dinner, William’s dad took him aside. “Son, I have to talk with you. Your mother and I have been married 30 years.. She’s a wonderful wife but she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Susan is actually your half- sister, and I’m afraid you can’t marry her.”

William was heart-broken. After eight months he eventually started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced, “Dianne said yes! We’re getting married in June.”

Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. “Dianne is your half-sister too, William. I’m awfully sorry about this.”

William was furious! He finally decided to go to his mother with the news. “Dad has done so much harm.. I guess I’m never going to get married,” he complained. “Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half-sister.”

His mother just shook her head. “Don’t pay any attention to what he says, dear. He’s not really your father!”

ULTRA MOTORCYCLES HIT THE SKIDS–Seems the bedraggled clone has been de-listed on the stock exchange. That means that the NASDAQ has quit posting it for poor performance, although their stock last registered higher than Easyriders.

What this means to the company’s future is yet to be determined. De-listing is only a factor of stock pricing and all stocks are currently down. The company is still clickin’ and tickin’ away.

A PROFESSOR OF MATHEMATICS SENT A FAX TO HIS WIFE– A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife: Dear Wife: You must realize that you are 54-years-old, and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I’ll be home before midnight. — Your Husband

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:

Dear Husband: You, too, are 54-years-old and by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18.

Don’t wait up.

RACING ALERT–THE WORLD FINALS HAVE BEEN CANCELED DUE TO POOR WEATHER AND COURSECONDITIONS.

BNI CHAIRMAN MIKE COOK REGRETS THE CANCELLATION AND INVITES ALL RACERSTO THE FINAL SCTA LAND SPEED RACING EVENT AT EL MIRAGE NOV. 18-19.–“LandSpeed” Louise Ann Noeth

JOHN BAKER NAMED DIRECTOR OF RACING AT HARLEY-DAVIDSON– John Baker has been named Directorof Racing, assuming full responsibility for the Harley-Davidson VR 1000Superbike effort. In this newly created position, he will oversee and directthe development of the VR 1000, and have responsibility for the Superbiketeam and riders, as well as program partners, sponsors and privateer anddealer race programs.

“Over the past 90 years, winning on the race track has been animportant part of Harley-Davidson’s heritage,” said Vice President MarketingJoanne Bischmann. “We are committed to continuing that racing tradition.”

Baker, 32, has been involved with Harley-Davidson Motor Company’sEngineering and Business Planning groups since 1993. Most recently, he wasinstrumental in the development of Harley-Davidson’s long-range strategicbusiness plan. Prior to that, Baker played a key role in managing the launchand limited production run of the 1994 VR 1000 Superbike. He also held theposition of Platform Manager for the recently introduced Buell Blastmid-size motorcycle. Baker has extensive experience leadingHarley-Davidson’s external suppliers and consultants in various engineprograms and brings additional manufacturing experience from his previousemployment at Cummins Engine Company.

SEWING ON A BUTTON– Angus Broon of Glasgow comes to the little lady of the house exclaiming”Maggie, cud ya be sewin on a wee button that’s come off of me fly. Icanny button me pants. “

“Oh Angus…I’ve got me hands in the dishpan, go up the stairs and seeif Mrs. Mac Donald could be helpin ya with it”

About 5 minutes later there’s a terrible crash, a bang, a bit of yellingand the sound of a body falling doon the stairs.Walking back in the door with a blackend eye and a bloody nose comesAngus. The little lady looks at him and says “My god, what in hells namehappened to you?Did you ask her like I told you?”

“Aye” says Angus..”I asked her to sew on the wee button an shedid, everything was goin fine but when she bent doon to bite off thewee thread…Mr. MacDonald walked in…

WORK-OUT WINNERS–Seems if you have a Gold’s Gym nearby you have a chance to win a new Harley. In conjunction with the 35th anniversary of the line of Gyms, Harley-Davidson has offered to support their celebration: The promotion runs from Sept. 1 through Oct. 19 –fuck that’s today. Better hurry

BIKERNET PHOTO CONTEST–Send us flicks of anything bike oriented and if we decide to run it in our new “Roadworthy Photos” section, you’ll receive a valuable prize from Bikernet or Belt Drives Limited. Could be a ballcap, T-shirt, signed book, etc. Send them to me, quick, but don’t forget to include your address: Bandit@bikernet.com or to Bikernet, P.O. Box 1168, San Pedro, Calif. 90733-1168.And while I’m at it, here’s an exploded view of the tough Belt Drives Limited clutch. This exposed belt drive system is the choice of many custom builders including Jesse James and myself. They’re a breeze to set up and work like they’re supposed to.

THEREIN LIES THE BEAUTY OF THE TWO-WHEELED MACHINE–ALWAYS A FRONT-ROW SEAT TO A GAME THAT WILL NEVER BE PLAYED TWICE–That’s a quote from Agent Zebra’s Sturgis saga now playing on Bikernet. Check it out. It’s one helluva story, and he, if I don’t say so myself, is one helluva writer.On the other hand, the obnoxious bastard isn’t worth the powder to blow him to hell, but he’s my brother.

BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT– Hey guys, Biketoberfest has not officially started. Look like ladyluck is not smiling. My girlfriend’s Sportster chopper motor was lostsomewhere in the shipping universe, that left one day to put it in and hookit up, muchos problemas for me. Nothing worse than the wrath of a woman.

The bikes and trailer are waiting for us in Jacksonville, maybe we cansqueeze a couple more hours in The Doll House before hitting the mega overpriced hotel in Daytona fuckin’ Beach. My head mechanic has been MIA forthe past two days, maybe he’s in a love fest, or something…Customers areringing my cell phone of the cradle bitchin’ like I’m doing now, aboutirrelevant stuff. Oh well, cest la vie like the froggy’s say….

The only news I have for you this week is the final opening of the newCaribbean Custom Cycles showroom in San Juan, it’s at 801 Fernandez JuncosAve, Miramar, San Juan PR, phone number 787-727-0633, if you are visitingthe island please roll by and say hi. There will be a bike show the firstSaturday of every month, will post the cool bikes here, I promise.Also promise to report the action from Biketoberfest and even somephotos. — Jose

MOTORCYCLISTS ALL OVER THE COUNTRY– are angry and disappointed about thenegativelink U.S. Sen. Charles Robb (D-VA) is making between guns, criminalactivityand motorcyclists.

A disappointing campaign advertisement, aired by the Virginia DemocraticCoordinated Campaign attacks Virginia Gov. George Allen’s (Robb’sopponentin a U.S. Senate race) position on gun control. The ad depicts the Governorconversing with a motorcyclist dressed in a black leather vest adorned withaHarley-Davidson patch, while a voice over talks about the use of assaultweaponsin the state of Virginia.The American Motorcyclist Association (AMA), the Motorcycle RidersFoundationand other concerned motorcycling organizations have reacted strongly statingthat motorcyclists are no more likely to commit a crime, with or without agun,than any other member of the community.

After initial conversations with Sen. Robb’s campaign staff expressed awillingness to “pixel out” the Harley-Davidson logo. While this tokenremedialtactic may prevent a suit by Harley-Davidson, it by no means excuses himfromculpability in the implication that motorcyclists are a dangerous element.

Sen. Robb’s insistence upon the inclusion of a motorcyclist in his adshows areckless disregard for a large segment of the electorate in his home state,andthe AMA has demanded that he alter the commercial so it no longer uses amotorcyclist to make his points on gun control or any other issue.

For more info contact: Edward Moreland, AMA Washington rep at (202) 682-4750 or atedmoreland.ama@erols.com

I GOTTA BAIL–Speaking of bail, a friend of mine just pled guilty to a tough charge. His wife has a Website to support him, and keep him busy for the next four to eight years. When you have a chance, go to freerusty.com and drop him a line.

Remember the rigid I rode to Sturgis? Well as you know, it didn’t make it back alive. The busted tank had to be replaced and while roaming vendor booths in the Badlands I ran across Paul Yaffe and next to him, the man who makes the tanks for the his custom creations Independant Tank Co. If you haven’t read the Bikernet West Sturgis Saga, check it out.

This is a shot of the original Sportster tank that I mounted. That was the problem in a ball-sack. I mounted it and it went all to hell on the road. So Paul mounted the new sleek Independant job and shipped it back to Harold Pontarelli for repaint. I should have it back on the road for the Love Ride, which is just around the corner.

TODAY’S QUOTE–“The teacher, if indeed wise, does not bid you enter the house of hiswisdom, but leads you to the threshold of your own mind.”

THIS TIME I’M REALLY GONE–Back to terrible Tuesday. Monday afternoon the UPS driver rolled up with a set of rip-saw pipes for the lovely Brenda’s new 2000 Deuce, but I was still lacking the Holly carb kit and the lower shocks. Tuesday morning exploded with my new workout routine and a lot of pacing the hardwood deck. Would the parts arrive? Could we handle the job without the experts? The kick-off time with our dependable photog Markus Cuff was scheduled for 10 a.m. to 11 a.m., allowing valuable time for the constant L.A. traffic jams. At 10, the UPS man rolled to a stop outside, hesitated, then put on his blinkers. The parts had arrived. Then the phone rang. Nuutboy, who doubles as a college professor, was called to grade mid-term papers. The heat was on.

Brenda, who was going to model the new Bikernet T-shirt and double as our blissful cheerleader, started throwing up and was delayed. Sarah, the haunting 21-year-old who darts in and out of my life like a strange whirlwind, showed up at the door. She had been evicted and she was desperate. It was 10:15 and she was standing about the shark-infested moat blabbering faster than wind chimes in a thunder storm, dressed in fuck-me pumps, a black ankle-length skirt that was slit to her slit, and a blood red skin-tight top. What the fuck was she thinking’? Layla was due to show up and snarl at Brenda. The day was turning dicey. What if Sinwu arrived early?

I ducked into the garage with Markus and pretended to be busier than piss-ants trying to escape a Raid can. I kept my head low and went to work. By the time Marcus shot each component, it was noon and I was just beginning to jack up the Softail to remove the shocks.

Believe it or not, by 9 p.m. Markus and I were sitting on the edge of the harbor at the rowdy Mexican joint sipping’ margaritas. The shocks were in place and the bike was a solid inch lower in the rear for short-legged Brenda. The Samson exhaust fit like a dream, and the Holly carb project went together flawlessly. The girls, well they’re all now mad at me except Sinwu, who floated into the garage in time to miss the cat-fight and bring us fish tacos from the harbor. Another day in paradise. Let’s ride–Bandit

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–EVERYONE GOES CHAPTER 11

Damn,

I left the highrise, executive board room, life of Easyriders to slow down, and instead have become a speed freak and go faster every day. At least the commute is 20 feet instead of 45 miles, there’s no tele-conferencing and no memos. It’s all phone, fax and e-mail. Orwell goes to press tomorrow. The Street Stalker was sold, the printer paid, the dual-Mikuni-carbed Panhead is ready to fire thanks to the expert cable manufacturing capabilities of mechanic Al at Century Motors in San Pedro. New Bikernet T-shirts were just delivered. She’s big, on the back and the small horizontal patch is screened over the pocket area on the front. And no, they’re not black T-shirts, but tan three-button Henleys. Quality shit. Now we need to have lovely Brenda pose with them so you can see what they look like. Last week we packed away five writing features for the site and various magazines. Oh, I almost forgot — believe it or not I’m riding a Buell.

OK, back off, I haven’t lost my Choppers for Life touch. In fact, the challenge will be to chopperize a Buell (a Sport Chop), and I have a plan. I’ll also give you some background on the performance characteristic of Eric Buell’s creation, how we can boost performance, then we’ll see if we can’t make it sound like a Harley, make the engine look like a Harley and run like a bat outta hell. You’ll see it featured here and in the Enthusiast magazine spring edition.

Let’s get to the news:

BRENDA FOX–Our “Diva on the Deuce” stunt woman/show model was spotted at the Del Mar Races showing off the fine artistry and talent of the men of Al Martinez Body and Paint. Brenda was stopping traffic driving around fending off guys on a motorized bar stool.

Only one man could catch her, Hells Angel Dan, the wheelie king, who was seen with her on the back while the front tire was off the ground. She was also straddling him while sitting on the tank, again during a wheelstand. Dan knows women and wheelies.

Next week, we will install a Harley-Davidson/Holly Carb system on her Deuce, a new set of Twin Cam exhaust and a set of shorter shocks to allow her tiny feet to touch the pavement. All the tech will be available on Bikernet in the next couple of weeks. That is, if Dan will return her to the headquarters.

FLASH !!!!!!!!!! YESTERDAY, AMERICAN MOTORCYCLE COMPANY IN MELBOURNE, FLORIDA FILED FOR CHAPTER 11– Employees were notified when they showed up for work at 7 a.m. on Oct. 12. This comes after the recent merger of American QuantumCycles and the new company, American Motorcycle Co.

After reorganizing under Chapter 11, the company said itexpects to reopen and hire back employees in the near future. Employees are owed five weeks pay and will be furloughed until furthurnotice. Company spokesmen told employees they would bepaid as soon as possible, and that when the companyreopens all will be called back.

Most employees say they are not suprised by this and feel that it wasnecessary for the company to make some serious changes.There isexpected to be some problems with officers and salaried personal who may notlike the new changes.

Please note that this is not an official document from American MotorcycleCo. but information from one friend to another. For official information, call (321) 752-0008.

RACER’S WINTER TIPS–If you’re going to ride during these cold, nasty winter months, be prepared!!! Ican not emphasize enough for you to dress warmly, pay attention to yoursurroundings and keep an eye on the weather!!!

Plan your rides, ensure that youhave alternate routes/destinations in the event of inclement weather and ensurethat you have your scoot in top shape. Ride in a group if possible, carry yourcell phone (in the SADDLEBAG) and let others know where/when you aregoing.

Keep your insurance up to date and keep in mind that the cagers aregoing to be MORE dangerous than ever: i.e. the windows are going to beup, the heaters on and your presence on the roadways will be even MOREunexpected to the unwashed masses than normal.

Keep your head on straight,stay AWAY from the alcohol (it WILL NOT keep you warm) and payattention to your riding!!! Hope to see you at the Motorcycle Expo in February 2001..meanwhile take care of you.–Racer

Hey, don’t take the party out of the ride.–Bandit

CHRIS HILL OF HILL PRODUCTS HAS TWO BRAINS– and two matching Harley-Davidson Ford trucks. Plus he built and owns this dyna. Recently featured in Hot Bike magazine, the bike sports an Al Martinez Cheatah paint job and showcases the handlebars that made Chris Hill famous.

But that’s not the reason for this note. No more than six weeks ago, Chris discovered that he had a brain tumor. The surgery took 11 hours.

He is currently recruperating in his vast estate. Drop him a note and cheer him up, he’s not thinking too clearly, lately– HILLPRODUCTS@aol.com

BIKETOBERFEST GUIDE ON BIKERNET–Thanks to Rogue, the other Bikernet East correspondent, Monday a complete guide to the event on the beach will be posted. It’s packed with events, guidelines, resources and maps to whorehouses.Don’t miss it. It may save your ass.

AH, THEN THERE’S LITTLE NANCY– who was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-facedyoungster was doing, he politely asked, “What are you up to there, Nancy?”

“My goldfish died,” replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, “and I’ve just buried him.”

The neighbor was concerned. “That’s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?”

Nancy patted down the last heap of earth then replied, “That’s because he’s inside your “fuckin’ cat.”

HARLEY-DAVIDSON, INC. REPORTS RECORD THIRD QUARTER– Harley-Davidson Inc. (NYSE:HDI) today announced record sales and earnings for its third quarter endedSept. 24. The company’s third quarter sales were $714.1 million, an increase of 14.6 percent over the third quarter last year. Dilutedearnings per share for the third quarter were 27 cents, a 27.7 percentincrease compared with last year.

“Demand for our motorcycles has continuedto exceed supply, even as we continue to increase our production capacity,”said Jeffrey L. Bleustein, chairman and chief executive officer ofHarley-Davidson Inc.

“An important step in continuing the growth of the company was theratification of a new labor agreement by the union employees at ourproduction facility in York, Penn.,” said Bleustein. “This newagreement runs until February 2007 and is an example of the strongcollaborative relationship we have with our union partners.”

Motorcycles and related products segment – third quarter resultsThird quarter sales of Harley-Davidson? motorcycles were $528.1million, an increase of 15.9 percent over the third quarter last year.Shipments totaled 48,077 units, up 5,462 units or 12.8 percent over lastyear. The company has revised its production target upward to 203,000Harley-Davidson motorcycles in 2000 and to 225,000 motorcycles for 2001.

Buell? motorcycle sales for the quarter totaled $10.4 million, down$6.3 million. Total shipments of 2,631 units during the quarter werecomprised of 227 Buell V-Twin models and 2,404 Buell? Blast* models.Buell’s V-Twin production was temporarily interrupted due to partsavailability issues and a voluntary recall in June of this year. Buell’sV-Twin production is expected to resume during the month of October. Thecompany now estimates that it will produce 10,000 Buell units in 2000.

Sales of parts and accessories (P&A), which consist of Genuine Motor Partsand Genuine Motor Accessories, totaled $133.4 million, a 21.7 percentincrease from the year-ago quarter. Third quarter sales of generalmerchandise, which consists of MotorClothes apparel and collectibles,totaled $41.2 million, up 0.7 percent over the same period last year. Thecompany believes that the nine month growth rate for general merchandise,13.5 percent, is more indicative of the product line’s expected growth ratefor 2000.

Third quarter gross margin was 33.6 percent of revenue, up slightly from32.8 percent of revenue last year. Gross margin improved primarily due tofavorable product line mix, favorable motorcycle mix and model year priceincreases, despite negative effects of European currencies and somemanufacturing inefficiencies.

Third quarter operating margin for the motorcycles and relatedproducts segment was 16.3 percent of revenue, an improvement on last year’sthird quarter margin of 15.4 percent. The increase in gross margin drovethe commensurate increase in operating margin.Harley-Davidson/Buell retail registrations have grown in all major markets,with the U.S. up 19.1 percent through August, Europe up 7.4 percent throughJuly and Japan/Australia up 3.3 percent through May. (See tables onharley-davidson.com for more detail.)

Harley-Davidson Inc. – Nine Month Results:For the nine-month period ended Sept. 24, sales totaled$2.15 billion, a 20.1 percent increase over the year-ago period. Dilutedearnings per share were 82 cents, an increase of 32.7 percent. When thefirst quarter sale of the Harley-Davidson? Chrome VISA? card is excluded,diluted earnings per share were 80 cents, an increase of 28.8 percent.Through the first nine months of this year, Harley-Davidson?motorcycle revenue was $1.64 billion, a 20.5 percent increase, while Buell?motorcycle revenue was $47.4 million, a 4.6 percent increase compared withthe same period in 1999.For the first nine months of 2000, P&A revenue totaled $349.4million, a 22.9 percent increase, while general merchandise revenue totaled$110.8 million, a 13.5 percent increase compared with the same period in1999. Through the first nine months of 2000, HDFS operating income was $24.2million, a 25.7 percent increase over last year.

Acquisition of Italian DistributorOn Oct. 2, Harley-Davidson acquired the assets of its Italiandistributor in a cash transaction. The new wholly owned subsidiary willdistribute Harley-Davidson and Buell motorcycles and related productsthrough a network of independent dealers in Italy.

MC CLURE TAKES ET RECORD TO 6.61 AND RUNS 226.01 MPH–Jim McClure of Williamsburg, Va., had ’em stomping on the grandstands, cheering their hearts out at Rockingham Drag Way for the AHDRA Eastern Finals. McClure qualified second in the quick field of 16 JIMS Top Fuel setting a new ET record to 6.61, previously held by Doug Vancil of Albuquerque, N.M.

But for the last few races McClure knew there was a 220 mph pass just waiting to happen. At the Rock, where records are smashed, McClure found his 220, but his performance exceeded his modesty. McClure lit up the crowd when the lights showed a 226.01 pass. It was awesome. “There was big traction, good air and we knew it was in there. It felt wonderful.” according to the radiant McClure.

But just like the Sunday temperature, things went down hill. The temperature dropped almost 25 degrees, McClure was on a back up when a tappet broke, bending a pushrod, slowing the bike and outing him for the day. McClure said: “We just can’t seem to get a break, we know it’s there, the computer showed we were on the back up, same curve, same power band, but with this horsepower, sometimes things break.”

McClure left Rockingham for a quick trip to repair the damage before leaving Tuesday morning for Shreveport.

Oct. 12-14 IHRA Shreveport, La. (Finals)
Oct. 21-22 AHDRA Las Vegas, Nev. (Finals)
Nov. 3-4 IHRA Rockingham, N.C.

McClure is supported on his national tour by Rivera Engineering, Primo Products, Red Line Synthetic Oil, ACCEL, Hampton Roads HD, Southside HD, F & S HD, S & S Cycle, Inc, Performance Machine, Axtell, Autolite & Vanson Leathers– www.jimmcclureracing.com

Don’t forget to watch IHRA on TNN on Sunday nights 10:30 pm EST.

YOUR PAPERS, PLEASE … Senate bill rewrites search-seizure laws Congress likely to ‘stuff’ provision in last-minute spending legislation –By Patrick Poole ? 2000 WorldNetDaily.com

Just months after a public outcry scuttled a bill sailing through Congress that would have given federal law enforcement authorities the right to conduct secret searches, a new threat to the Fourth Amendment has arisen that will allow federal agency employees, rather than judges, to authorize certain searches of personal information.

In May, WorldNetDaily reported on a bill, the Methamphetamine Anti-Proliferation Act, which contained a section that would have authorized federal agents to enter a citizen’s home or office with a warrant, to search and copy files from his computer and not tell him what items were taken until months afterwards. The bill also exempted law enforcement officials from ever telling suspects that certain “intangible” items were seized or copied.

After a bipartisan coalition of Republican and Democratic members of the House Judiciary Committee, including Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee. D-Texas, and Rep. Bob Barr, R-Ga., expressed serious reservations about the so-called “sneak-and-peak” searches, the measure was pulled from the bill.

The latest assault of the Fourth Amendment is contained in section 3(g) of the Fugitive Apprehension Act, S. 2516, which would authorize the attorney general to issue “administrative subpoenas” for personal information and records without court authorization. A delayed reporting requirement also found in the bill allows Department of Justice attorneys to ask the court to conceal the subpoena from the target of the investigation.

The bill has already passed the Senate, and opponents of the measure are concerned that it might be brought to a vote in the House as early as this week. David Kopel, an attorney and constitutional expert for the Denver-based Independence Institute told WorldNetDaily the U.S. Marshall Service is pushing the administrative subpoena provision to broaden their search powers in fugitive cases, but that the provision is unneeded.

BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT– As you guys are reading this we will be in Biketoberfest. Cool, can’twait to ride in Florida with no helmet……(already did before Sturgis,but it does not count).

Seems like every year the little bike week is earlier in October. Iremember one of the first ones that was smack on Halloween night, what acreepy and cool sight it was. People riding in costumes and having a ball.We stayed until the following morning partying around Main Street. No linesin the bars, no crowds, cops were more or less going with theflow. Really cool.

Now it’s just like the nasty, over-crowded spring event, but less time todo the usual crap we always do, bit of work, bit of fun. On the brightside, my chopper will be there, and thatno lid law rules !!!

If anyone sees a long, tall, 230 tire, rigid, black chopper with a PRplate and a Che Guevara on the tank, feel free to say hi, and shoot theshit. Hey Bandit, maybe we can hook up and go visit the Pink Pony?

The HOG caribbean rally will take place around Nov. 18. They plana ride around the island with stops (overnight) in north, west, east andsouth towns, culminating with the party in San Juan. If interested, call the HOGchapter in San Juan.

The new Caribbean Custom Cycles showroom will open by the rally. Anyonewho makes it down here is welcome to roll by and say hi.

Harley-Davidson San Juan (motorsport) had the unveiling of the 2001models in their Old San Juan Boutique, reported that over 800 bikes showedup to the party and for demo rides.

We hear Sonny Barger is going to be the whole week at the Corbin place inMain Street Daytona, signing his new book from 9 a.m. until, and I quote, “tiring.”

Oh well, that’s about it, lucky to be missed by the hurricanes thisseason, which is almost over for us. Watch out Gulf area, now it’s your turn.–Jose.

GOOD CHARACTER OF AMERICAN BIKERS ATTACKED–There have been major developments this morning regarding themalicious attack on the reputation of American bikers by the VirginiaDemocratic Party for the sake of Sen. Chuck Robb’s re-electioneffort. I would strongly recommend everyone take time to read thismessage.

Our callers and Ed Moreland of AMA received indications asearly as this past Saturday (Oct. 7) that a commercial, runningon the major network affiliates serving D.C., Northern Virginia andMaryland, would be changed by obscuring the Harley-Davidson logoclearly visible on the back of a biker’s leather vest, a biker onwhom the camera lingers for far too long given the pace of the videotrack.

The commercial ran yesterday withoutthe promised change. (I personally viewed the spot on the CBSaffiliate at about noon, 3:30 p.m. and again at about 5 p.m.)<

Also yesterday, several of our members reported that they werereferred by Robb’s office to the Virginia Democratic Party. They called Sen.Robb’s office and also the office of his campaign requesting that thesenator himself take action and call a halt to thismalicious campaign.Staffers with the Virginia Democratic Party told our people thatall video of bikers would be deleted.

Today, however, results of any change are spotty. I saw thecommercial on the NBC affiliate at 10:24 with the H-D logo clearlyvisible. Switching channels, I saw the spot again on the NBCaffiliate at 10:37, without the H-D logo. (I must say, they did agood job in post-production, as the resultant video is relativelyclean.

I would be remiss if I didn’t hail Brother George Crum of ABATE ofVirginia (Mason-Dixon Chapter) and Sister Kim Pace of ABATE ofVirginia (Olde Dominion Chapter) for their work. Kim’s telephoneinquiry of the Virginia Democratic Party yielded this new, startlingrevelation:- After Robb’s office connected her with the Virginia DemocraticParty, Kim reported, “They took all credit for the ad. Robb wasnot aware of the ad. Their excuse was it was a random photo usedwhich just so happened to have a biker in it at a gun rally, shakingAllen’s hand.” It was appropriate, the campaign explained since Allen does not support gun control at all.

Unfortunately, none of this is true.The video in the commercial was captured not at a gun rally but atthe Annual Bike Show in Orange, Va., on June 17, sponsored by oneof the East Coast’s biggest Harley dealers, Waugh Enterprises. I have placed a call to CNN legal counsel in Atlanta to determinewhether the network or any of its affiliates ever dispatched a crewto Orange, Va., on June 17.

I will continue to keep all concerned advised.

–Tom Wyld
Vice President for Government Relations
Motorcycle Riders Foundation.
Member, MRFPAC

BIKERNET MOVIE PROJECTS REPORT–Hospitalized with walking pneumonia Conrad Goode was just recently released from an Indiana facility for the mentally ill. While strapped to a gurney we interviewed him. Seems Asphalt Cowboy is on the edge of production. Basically they promised Goode that if he would leave the country permanently, they would begin filming before the first of the year. Major actors are being courted, but we can’t release the names just yet.

Agent Zebra’s 1%er film is being rewritten for the 43rd time. Zebra and Ian, the co-writers on opposited coasts are still fighting over the syntax in the first line. There is hope, though.

Burnin’ daylight the madcap biker video shot on the slippery streets of San Pedro last winter may be pulling into an editing bay as we speak. Marco the mad producer/director/camerman is still working for Playboy and in hiding on the back streets of Hollywood. New developments have surfaced regarding Burnin’ Daylight which may afford it Pay Preview exposure. More on that later.Reporting drunk from Hollywood–Snake

POLARIS TEAMS UP WITH BOND–JAMES BOND–in Promotionto Celebrate Release of 007 Classics.Prizes Include Victory & Polaris Vehicles, Apparel & More

Special agent “007” – also known as “Bond,James Bond” – always travels in style. So will the winners of the “007Sweepstakes” in which entrants can win prizes such as a Victory motorcycleor a Polaris snowmobile, ATV or watercraft.The promotion celebrates the Oct. 17 release on video cassette andspecial edition DVD of six James Bond adventures from MGM HomeEntertainment: “Diamonds Are Forever,” “From Russia With Love,” “The LivingDaylights,” “Octopussy,” “A View to a Kill” and “You Only Live Twice.”

Each of the special edition James Bond DVDs features exciting newdocumentaries, previously unseen footage, music videos, directorcommentaries and more.

Among the grand prizes in the “007 Sweepstakes” is a Victory V92Cmotorcycle. Additional prizes include a Polaris Indy 800 XCR snowmobile,Polaris Sportsman 335 ATV and Polaris SLX Watercraft. Additional prizesincluded with the product awards are high-quality Pure Polaris Victory andPolaris apparel.

Fifty winners will also receive prizes from MGM Home Entertainmentconsisting of sets of five MGM videos.The prizes and the Victory and Polaris logos will be featured in anexpansive, multi-million dollar marketing campaign publicizing the “007Sweepstakes”. It will be advertised in numerous major publications, onradio, online, at Polaris dealerships and in retail outlets where the JamesBond videos and DVDs from MGM Home Entertainment are sold.

The promotion is scheduled to run from Oct. 17 to Jan. 16 and is open to residents of the continental U.S. and Alaska. Detailsabout the sweepstakes, including information on how to enter, will beavailable in select magazines, at Polaris and Victory dealerships, at selectretail outlets where the James Bond videos are sold and on the Polaris homepage (www.polarisindustries.com), which will include a link to the JamesBond Web site (www.jamesbond.com).Information about the complete line of Polaris products is available fromauthorized Polaris dealers or from the Polaris home page at:www.polarisindustries.com.

THE BOSS’S BOOK TOUR REPORT–Please do not be alarmed by the recent message that the upcoming eastern tour may be “the last chance to meet Sonny.” He is in good health and spirits, but after all the touring in the last seven months he will enjoy some well-deserved time at home with his family. The new Road King he got in March has over 30,000 miles on it already. We will keep you informed when additional appearances are planned.

THE BUST–This story originally started with “The Bust” in the spring of 1999, thepaper followed up several times with continuing pieces covering the trialsand sentencings. Most of the charges were dismissed or resulted in “not guilty” verdictsand the majority of individuals arrested eventually walked. There was even astory where one or two of the bro’s became born again.

This morning’s paper had a strange turn of events I thought you would findinteresting. –Eric

Clarence “Mac” McNamara and Richard “Phez” Conner say theirmotorcycles were damaged after they were seized by the FBI in the RenegadesMotorcycle Club drug bust last year. Three of the bikers have filed damageclaims with the FBI and two have settled for payments below the claimeddamage amount. Frank Sylvia Jr.’s 1990 Harley Softail was his baby. Ten years ofsweat, tons of custom parts and a 22-coat paint job turned his ride into a$12,500 showpiece that was the envy of his fellow bikers. Then the FBI charged him — wrongly, it turned out — as part of theRenegades Motorcycle Club’s methamphetamine ring last year. And as itroutinely does in drug cases, the bureau seized the bikers’ money, property,guns and motorcycles, including Sylvia’s Harley-Davidson. When Sylvia was acquitted in November, he expected to get his bike back indecent condition. “Not by a long shot,” Sylvia said last week. Instead, the 22-coat paint job was ruined and expensive parts were missing.The odometer had mysteriously gained more than 1,000 miles, and the Harleyhad a Fairfax County sticker on it — leading Sylvia and his attorney tobelieve that the FBI took it for its own use without waiting to see ifSylvia would be convicted.

Now the FBI is investigating whether one of its own broke the law. On Friday, Chuck Owens, special agent in charge of the Norfolk office,acknowledged that the bike had been “misused,” but said the misuseoccurred in another FBI office.

The U.S. Justice Department’s Office of Professional Responsibility islooking into the matter, Owens said, and disciplinary action against anyagents or FBI employees involved “is a possibility.” The investigation “won’t be resolved any time soon,” said Phil Mann,assistant general counsel for the Norfolk FBI office. The flap over the seized property is fallout from one of the biggest andlongest trials held in U.S. District Court in Norfolk. Federal officialscharged 33 defendants last year with being part of a drug distribution ringassociated with the Renegades. Twenty defendants pleaded guilty to drug distribution charges before trial.At the end of the trial, which lasted from September to November 1999, fivewere convicted of lesser charges, two were convicted of conspiracy todistribute drugs and one was convicted on gun charges. Five, including Sylvia, were acquitted.

The Renegades defendants had federal forfeiture proceedings brought againstthem that would have taken any property bought from drug profits or used inselling drugs — including land, homes, cars, trucks and motorcycles. But under that section of the U.S. Code, the defendants have to be convictedfirst.

Sylvia isn’t the only one associated with the Renegades case who is unhappywith how his property was treated. Five others who got their motorcycles back also say they were damaged whilein FBI custody. Three have claims against the FBI for damages, and twoothers settled for payments less than the damages they claimed. Richard “Phez” Connor, James Edwin “Ed” Land Jr., and Amy Stephan, –who was not charged but had her motorcycle seized because she is the wife ofthe Renegades’ Garry Stephan — are still negotiating with the FBI overdamage to their Harleys, said their attorney, Andrew Protogyrou. Connor, to this day, is livid. Though convicted of possession with intent todistribute, he was still entitled to get his 1991 Softail back. “When I saw it, I was shocked,” Connor said. “It was all (messed) up.Rusty. It was disgusting.”

“The truth is, it’s easy for the government to work over the littlepeople,” Protogyrou said. “But things have gotten better.” Reach Chris Grier at (757) 446-2643 or cgrier@pilotonline.com

HANNON RACING SETS ER AND MPH RECORDS AT THE ROCK–Bill Hannon, Ft. Myers, Fla, and Dan Baisley, Portland, Or. just love breaking records and it was grins and giggles at the ROCK, one of their favorite playgrounds.

Hannon Racing continue their pursuit of excellence in the Pro Stock Harley Davidson world. This weekend at the AHDRA, Eastern Finals, Rockingham Dragway, Rockingham, NC in the Joker Machine Division, the Hannon/Baisley duo established new 3 records. In the 1/8 mile the new ET standard was lowered to 4.755 seconds, the new 1/8 mile mph record was increased to 149.91 mph and a dazzling new World ET and personal best at 7.574 seconds for the 1/4 mile record.”We had several experimental pieces in our motor, now we know they work. We’ll go home for a couple weeks to freshen up both engines, and hone the knife for cutting more Harley Davidson records in Houston at NHRA,” said Hannon with a big smile.

Oct. 26-29 NHRA Houston, Tx.

Hannon Racing is supported on their national circuit by Axtell Sales, Inc., Baisley Hi-Performance, D & G Chassis, Harley Davidson of Ft. Myers, The Landings Realty, Inc., Red Line Oil, MRE, BPM Racing Engines, and Dyna Tek, RK Chain, Bandit Clutch, Vanson Leathers, & Mastercam.

Hannon 941-463-2778, www.hannonracing.com

ADS THAT CAN’T GO UNNOTICED– UsedCars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

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“INDEPENDENT LENS WILL BROADCAST– in November an episode entitled “Girl Gone Bad.” “Girl Gone Bad” takes the viewer on a wild ride through the extraordinary world of female bikers, an amazing group of women few people know anything about. The film’s guide on this ode to the open road is hard-core biker Dusty Switzer, a native-born Apache, ex-felon, ex-go-go dancer, and single mother of three. “Ride like everybody’s out to kill you,” was her own mother’s sage advice. Outriders and outlaws, club mamas, Dykes on Bykes, biker babes, weekend warriors…each character we meet along the road struggles to defy traditional stereotypes in the sexually charged world of motorcycling, and in the process, establishes her own uncompromising identity. “Girl Gone Bad” has at its documentary heart the quest to understand the true nature of freedom and the true nature of self.

The women depicted in the film are as diverse as are their bikes, the only seeming common denominator of their ferociously independent style. Along the way, we meet Lisa Turvey, an LAPD motor officer, who wants to be a motorcycle sergeant, but finds it hard to exhibit “feminine” characteristics on the job; Peggy Bennington, a mild-mannered family law practitioner from Northern California, whose GRLGNBD license plate was the inspiration for the title of the film; Gail Chambers, sheathed in skin-tight leather from head-to-toe, who explains how an “outrider” (a woman who rides solo) has to comport herself in the typical motorcycle milieu so as not to excite too much sexual tension; Malysa Wise, “Playboy” model and biker aficionado, who never goes biking without her gun; and Scorpio Cornett, who rides behind Liddo Jim Cornett and considers herself his “property.”

LOVELY POTHOLES–The road is long and filled with lovely potholes. Lovely potholes? Whatthe hell kind of pothole could ever be lovely, right? Well, if you answeredunearthing an earthly high from a hole in the earth, I didn’t mean that.

I’m talking about the pothole that’s ragged and deep and mean and makes youcautiously approach and mull over everything. The hole that bottoms you outand makes yer chrome rattle. These past few months have been filled withthem and now that the rough road is somewhat over, I’m contemplating andchanging directions.

Next week will be the official site launch for bikerlady.com phase I. Thesite is enormous in design, but will be a piece meal installation. It’sreally fun to create a community. It’s like building a house with a lot ofrooms and inviting everyone to hang out and stay, to commune. Bandit is amaster at community. He makes ya feel quite at home within the bikernet.compages; kinda like his garage is your garage.

A few years ago, I decided to leave the pitted road called the musicbusiness and pseudo corporate life and hop on my scoot and ride away fromall I know. I sublet my NYC apartment and became a gypsy for awhile, livinghere and there. This new road hasn’t been smooth, nope, not at all. But it’s a hell of a lot more fun than the other boring interstate that led menowhere from which I had to forge my own exit. Get off, I did.

There has been new potholes these past few months that have made me bottomout to realize that time is way too short and it made me groove all theharder. It’s important to really experience beautiful freedom now. Get onthe path that’s windy and winding and takes me on an adventure that belongsto me, and let’s me share with the world at large. My life is perfectly myown. I answer to know one but the wind. Yes, these lovely potholes taughtme much these past few months. . .and it’s good to change direction. –

–Sasha, webdiva of bikerlady.com

HARD CHARGING PICOTTE CRASHES OUT OF WILLOW SPRINGS RACE– Harley-Davidson VR 1000 racerPascal Picotte was charging towards the front of the pack during the AMASuperbike Championship’s final race of the season when he crashed in turnfour of Willow Springs International Raceway. Picotte was attempting to passthe Ducati of eventual 2nd place finisher John Kocinski when he crashed outof the race unhurt.

“I had a great start and passed a bunch of guys right away, then Ilost the front end in turn four when I tried to pass John and crashed,” saidPicotte. “It’s disappointing because we worked so hard all season and didn’tget the results we really wanted.”

Picotte’s crew worked feverishly to restore his VR to track worthycondition so he could rejoin the race and gain valuable points on Honda’sMiguel DuHamel and Yamaha’s Jamie Hacking, who had exited the race due to amechanical problem and a crash, respectively. Unfortunately, substantialcrash damage to his VR meant Picotte’s day was done.

Picotte, who had completed every AMA Superbike race on the schedule beforethe Willow Springs round, finished 11th overall in the 2000 AMA SuperbikeChampionship. Just ten points separated Picotte from DuHamel and Hacking,who finished 9th and 10th in the championship. Picotte posted seven top-tenfinishes with a season best finish of 8th at New Hampshire InternationalSpeedway.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK–Purpose–Lives based on having are less free than lives based either on doing orbeing. –William James

PENTHOUSE.COM / STURGIS EDITORIAL —Launching this month:

LOOKING FOR ADVENTURE…The hardest-working woman at Sturgis lets you ride bitch for her wildride(Road Journal)

HOT WHEELSSturgis has more bitchin’ fat hogs than a Weight Watchers meeting withPMS.(Hot Bikes)

BIKER BABES EXPOSED!The sexiest curves at Sturgis aren’t always on the open road.(Hot Girls)

HELL’S ANGELSonny Barger Excerpt

SMOKE, DRINK, FUCK & RIDE:STURGIS THE LITTLE TOWN THAT COULDby Brock Yates

EXCLUSIVE STURGIS VIDEO FOOTAGESteve Wilson from Steel Dreams TV brings the world’s biggest bikerparty right onto your desktop

RERUN OF BUDDS CREEK FOR PRICE AT THE ROCK–Ray Price, Raleigh, NC, continues to make mega horsepower in the JIMS Top Fuel series, but in getting that horsepower to the wheel, his weak link has been the chain and again this weekend Price’s Top Fueler was followed by his chain.

Price qualified 6th in the 16 bike field running in the 6.8 second zone. But in round one of eliminations Price’s chain broke and looked like a quick snake slithing after his Harley-Davidson Fueler at midtrack at the AHDRA Eastern Finals at his home track, Rockingham Dragway, Rockingham, NC.

If there is a bright spot in the cold cloudy day, it was that Price’s second motor is ready for Shreveport’s IHRA race this weekend. Price and team will leave early Wednesday morning for the IHRA event.

Oct. 12-14 IHRA Shreveport, La. (Finals)
Nov. 4-5 IHRA Rockingham, NC

Ray Price Racing is supported by Ray Price Harley Davidson, Raleigh HOG, S & S Cycle, Power Arc Ignition Co., Ultra Pro Machining, JIMS, Royal Purple Synthetic Motor Oil, Shumaker Racing, Performance Machine, Barnett Tool & Engineering, Vanson’s, Carolina Cobras, and Wilder’s Inc.

Check his site www.rayprice.com,919-832-2261.Don’t forget to watch IHRA on TNN on Sunday nights 10:30 pm EST.

You bros that humped the boonies take a long look at this pic of our Veep, Al. No magazine in the weapon, in fact, no M-16 ammo visible, no M-60 ammo, odd rain gear, only one canteen, and what is that thing on his back? This is on his website as an “in country”picture! Just askin’, Oz.

GOVERNOR GEORGE W. BUSH ENDORSED BY THE MOTORCYCLE RIDERSFOUNDATION–First presidential endorsement made by national motorcyclists’ rightsassociation.

Austin-Texas Governor George W. Bush was endorsed today by theMotorcycle Riders Foundation, the first presidential endorsement madeby national motorcyclists’ rights association, because of hiscommitment to highway safety and issues pertaining totransportation.

“Governor Bush has pledged to work for rider rights and safetyon a wide range of issues including rider road access to health careto the proper role of the National Highway Traffic SafetyAdministration,”said Tom Pauley, President of the MotorcycleRiders Foundation. “Moreover, the timeliness of Governor Bush’sresponse to complex issues we raised reflects a responsiveness thatriders across the country value – a responsiveness we believe will bea hallmark of his Presidency.”

“Improving highway and motor vehicle safety will be an importantpriority in my Administration, as it is for the Motorcycle RidersFoundation. I favor both continued research on safe highwaydesigns and programs to incorporate the results of this research intonew and reconstructed highway facilities. These advances will make asafer America for everyone who travels on America’s highways,”said Governor Bush.

ODD TECH TESTWhile roaming the Custom Chrome show, I spoke to Randy Simpson of Milwaukee Iron who makes a strong line of fenders carried by Custom Chrome. Randy decided that he better start testing his fender for durability. A tip from a fellow industry leader lead him to purchase a paint can shaker. He mounted a front fender to it and let it rip. The first fender he tried lasted a mere 45 minutes before it cracked, then split in two.

Randy make his fenders with support plates built into the sides and mounting areas. His fender shook for over 24 hours before the machine caught fire and burnt to the ground. The man takes a lot of pride in the strength and durability of his product.

THE SWAPMEET IS OPEN–

5 S&S Shorty (E) series carbs with chrome air cleaners$200 each

1 Yellow powdercoated Kenny Boyce Pro Street Frame$400

1 Black powdercoated Kenny Boyce Pro Street frame some scratches on bottom$350

2 Kenny Boyce frames with new brackets welded.Powdercoat damage needs redo$300 each

1 White Kenny Boyce frame with missing brackets$250

1 Delkron FXR 5 speed spline shaft transmission complete with pulley$1,100

1 4 Speed Harley transmission fits 1965-1984 Big Twin ( rebuilt)$1,000

1 Roadstar 16 inch spoke wheel in box$250

3 Revtech 16×3 Front rally style billet wheel complete$300 each

1 Sturgis 16×3 1/2 front Daytona style billet wheel complete$300

1 Sturgis 16×3 1/2 front Mirage style billet wheel complete$300

1 Sturgis 16×3 1/2 rear Mirage style billet wheel complete$300

2 Sturgis 16×3 1/2 Rims only Mirage style billet wheel$150 each

2 Sturgis 16×5 1/4 Rims only Rear Roadstar style billet wheel$200 each1 Roadstar billet belt pulley rear$3002 CCI 47-098 70 tooth rear pulley multi spoke$275 each

5 Billet Aluminum inner primarys to fit FXR$500 each

5 Billet Aliminum outer primary covers to fit FXR$500 each

3 HD inner primarys to fit FXR$200 each

1 HD outer primary cover to fit FXR$100

10 Sets of 4140 Steel EVO connecting rods$50 set

5 New Harley Davidson factory wrinkle black starters 84 up EVO$125 each

3-5 Speed Harley Davidson taper shaft diaphgram clutch assembly w/kevlarclutch plates $400 each

7 Heavy Billet Aluminum 5 Speed transmission doors polished and beaings$150 each

3 Rear S&S 3 5/8 Bore and 5.375 tall EVO cylinders standard bore loose$50 each

3 Front S&S 3 5/8 Bore and 5.375 tall EVO cylinders standard bore loose$50 each

7 Jims pinion gears 24045-78 Green to 89$30 each

3 Jims pinion gears 24043-78 Red to 89$30 each

1 CCI 12-997 floorboards$25

1 CCI 09-930 mini floorboards$75

2 Sets CCI 15-298 Gas Tanks replaces HD 61211-84A & 61228-84$100 set

3 Sets CCI 15-294 6 Gallon Gas Tanks HD FXST 1984-96 & custom frames$100 set

10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve heads front, minor repair needed on some(guide,seat,threads) $75 each

10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve heads rear, minor repair needed on some(guide,seat,threads) $75 each

10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve front rockerboxes complete, need to be reshimed$175 each

10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve rear rockerboxes complete, need to be reshimed$175 each

10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve front rockerboxes$75 each

10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve rear rockerboxes$75 each

10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve front exhaust rockerarms$50 each

10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve front intake rockerarms$50 each

10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve rear intake rockerarms$50 each

10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve rear exhaust rockerarms$50 each

20 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve rockerbox covers$25 each

10 Dual Carb Plenums for Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve heads$50 each

20 Intake Plenum Runners for Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve heads$25 each

1 White powdercoated oil tank for Kenny Boyce frames$100

Other stuff like fenders, seats, handlebars, stainless lines and cables to belisted later. I am still sorting parts–rogue@bikerrogue.com

YOU CAN SAY ANY FOOLISH THING– to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, “My God, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!” — Dave Barry

BUELL CUSTOMS FROM EUROPE–More aware of the Buell image in the industry and abroad, I noticed a custom Buell on the cover of American Motorcycle Dealer magazine. The bike was built by R&R customizing in Germany. Vance and Hines also has a catalog for the Buell and Sportster owner. The magazine directed an entire issue to the accessories and custom products for Buells. I need to get on the list.

I’M GETTING OUT OF HERE–It’s been a tough couple of weeks, but I’m beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m prayin’ it’s not a train. With the help of Michele Durant and Michelle Mc Carthy, Jeff Watts (cover artist) and Jon Towle (Illustrator), Orwell will be a decent read. I’m anxious to get to work on the next book, the Buell and my project for the year, a Twin Cam dropped into an FXR frame–the best of all worlds. With the help of Rogue (who has been advertising his parts in the news from Quantum Cycles), we have three pro-street frames in the headquarters. We’re also working on our own front end with Lil’ John Buttera.

We’re clickin’ and that’s what it’s all about. Fast bikes, more fun and women who enjoy the thrill of it all. Speaking of the softer side of life, I’ve got to get the hell out of here. She’s waiting. Ride Forever–Bandit

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–ULTIMATE TECH TIP REVEALED

Hey,

Last weekend Custom Chrome rolled out the diamond plate for all its major dealers across the country and Europe to allow them to view the inner workings of the largest aftermarket distributor on the planet devoted to getting custom parts to their customers fast. It’s a gathering of manufacturers of the parts we use and they distribute. If your local shop owner had the privilege of attending, he could stand face-to-face with Jesse James and ask him why he doesn’t build a frame for Sportsters. Of course he could ask the same question of Santee or Daytec (they probably make one). They could ask engine builders from their Rev Tech department about new engines, like their new Twin Cam model, Jim at JIMS about his 106-inch kit for twin cams or S&S about their gear drive for the new twin cam motors to eliminate the bothersome hi-vo chains.

We tag-teamed the joint, with Oz relieving me Saturday night at the clone party. I dislike the word clone, but they were all represented, from Surgical Steeds in Phoenix, to California, Titan, Big Dog and several more. I was surprised not to see Oscar from Pure Steel, but I’m sure he’s still reeling from his pact with Penthouse. (Man, was that guy in seventh heaven in Sturgis with the girls hangin’ on him, the cover of the latest issue sporting one of his bikes and all the publicity for his bikes. The guy is dancing on air.) I also spoke to Mark Greene from Titan, who I think is the best in the business at what he does, and he is certain that Titan will rebound. I hope he’s right. I slipped out early in the morning. I had a date at an intimate concert overlooking the Queen Mary on the bluffs of Long Beach. Kid Ramos from the Fabulous Thunderbirds snapped guitar strings as I ran my hand up her thigh. She blew in my ear as Willie G. (not the Willie we know), with a 15-piece band that included a Grammy winner and a member of the Carlos Santana band, melted us in our seats with Latin love.

I almost forgot about parts and shit until a police officer tapped me on the shoulder and asked to speak to me in the back. We better get to the news:

THUNDER UPDATE– The run heads out next week after a country bash in Nashville at the dealership. Legendary bike builders Dave Perewitz and Donny Smith will ride their newest creations, the Thunder Over Dixie customs, from Nashville to Daytona.

Montgomery/Gentry, the group Thunder Productions secured to play the concert in Daytona, was voted Vocal Duo of the Year at the CMA awards.

Thunder Over Dixie has been included in press releases and publications throughout the United States and Canada, courtesy of Daytona Beach Area Convention and Visitors Bureau. They are also arranging the publicity at the Florida state line when we arrive there on Oct 19 and also at Daytona Harley when we pull in that afternoon. This will include local radio, TV and print media.

Speedvision will travel the entire route with us and will air the show Nov 7.The post-ride article will appear in six publications.Biker Billy will have “live” postcards from the road via his Web site, BikerBilly.comT-shirts, ride pins, wristbands and jackets are all in place and we are ready to THUNDER TO DAYTONA!!!! Thanks Bandit!!

I better at least get a pin.–Bandit

WEST COAST CHOPPERS HAS NO LOVE–
Jesse James and his bad-to-the-bone gang of Choppers for Life followers are throwing their third annual pre-Love Ride, No Love bash the Saturday before the Love Ride. Don’t miss the hatred, the evil spirits and da broads. Call (562) 983-6666 (natch), for evasive tactics. Or, if you’ve got the balls, show up from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Nov. 11 at the West Coast Headquarters, 718 W. Anaheim St., Long Beach.

VANCIL’S CONSISTENT 6.5 AT PRESIDENT’S CUP–
Doug Vancil did everything right but WIN at the IHRA’s 9th annual Expressautoparts.com President’s Cup Nationals at Maryland International Raceway, outside Budds Creek, Md.

Vancil qualified second on the Vance & Hines Harley with a 6.540 ET at 208.17 mph behind the third qualifying attempt of Screamin Eagle Nitro Harley reigning champion and current points leader Jay Turner’s 6.517 ET 206.99 mph.

In round one, Vancil defeated Orangeburg, South Carolina’s favorite son, Bill Furr. Furr’s 0.498 RT with a 6.847 ET at 188.41 mph wasn’t enough for Vancil’s 0.511 RT with a 6.593 ET at 199.88 mph. Vancil stayed consistent in the center of the lane as Furr hugged the wall.

In the semis, Steve Stordeur’s 0.442 RT at 6.617 ET with a 204.26 mph pass won over Vancil’s 0.478 RT at 6.592 ET 210.87 mph. Some thought it was the holeshot that gave Stordeur the .011 margin of victory, Vancil thought his front wheel was still in the air.

But the consistent series of 6.5’s just means Vancil has the Vance and Hine’s Nitro Harley on track and dialed in. Vancil will remain fourth in points with two races remaining in the IHRA Season.

“We’re on our way to Shreveport in a couple weeks, then back to IHRA Rockingham. We’re pleased to have found our problems, though late in the season. After Shreveport and Rockingham, we can look forward to a long winter of designing and building next season’s Vance & Hine’s/Drag Specialties nitro bike.”

Don’t forget to watch IHRA on TNN Sunday nights at 10:30 pm EST.

THE BOSS IS ON THE MOVE, AGAIN–Next week, Sonny will head east for book signings in Ohio, New York, Massachusetts, New Hampshire and Connecticut. These appearances are sponsored by local Hell’s Angels chapters.

He will also be appearing at Biketoberfest in Daytona, Florida.

Check the dates, times and locations athttp://sonnybarger.com/nav_tour.html

ON THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MAN AND WOMAN– “On the one hand, we’ll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars.”– Bruce Willis

“And God said: ‘Let there be Satan, so people don’t blame everything on me.And let there be lawyers, so people don’t blame everything on Satan.'” — George Burns

“What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? ‘Hold mypurse.'”– Sandra Bullock

VICTORY GOES 007– Victory and Polaris have teamed up to sponsor the James Bond 007 Classics. You could win a v-92 cruiser, snowmobile, an ATV or some form of subversive watercraft. Watch for details. And no, James Bond is not in the image above.

ROSEMARY’S ART–I’ve been checking out your site and wonder if you’d be interested in checking out my art. I am an artist specializing in hand-painted leather. My work isbeautiful and unique. I have been doing this for 22 years, painting for many major leather jacket manufacturers. Some include Avirex, Branded/Orchard Motorcycle, Willis and Geiger and Flight Suits Ltd. My client list consists of many diverse groups such as The Smithsonian Institute and Anheuser-Busch, RCA Music and Elvis Presley’s MemphisCafe. I do jackets and leather patches and I also do canvas. I paint from ideas or photographs and I do motorcycle tank art. For more info, you can reach me at:
Rosemary D. Dery
(520) 774-0086
rosemarydery@webtv.net
All my work is guaranteed 100 percent satisfaction.

MISSED OPPORTUNITY–While in Sturgis, I was supposed to hit Mike Lichter’s photographic art exhibit in Rapid City, about 25 miles east of Sturgis, but I never made it. I’ve never seen so much goddamn traffic. Usually the ride between Sturgis and Rapid is a thundering 25-mile drag race through rolling hills and vast farms. Not this year, pal. That would have been suicide in the Love Ride-like crowds.

In addition, there’s so much going on that you can’t hit every party, race, bar, concert. It’s fuckin’ impossible. Darcy’s still pissed at me for not hitting the Victory new-model announcement. She does a killer presentation.

But all is not lost. You now have Mike’s entire exhibit on Bikernet and if you see a print that tickles your motorcycle bone, you can purchase it right here and Mike will carefully custom print each image, mat the sucker for easy framing, send you the history of the shot and sign it. He’s the best, and has been one of the finest ER photogs for almost 20 years.

The exhibit was evidently a major success since the curator, Deborah Mitchell from the Apex Gallery in Rapid City, is putting out a call to all motorcycle-related artists for entries for next year’s display. For more info, call (605) 394-1254, or drop her an e-mail at deborah.mitchell@sdsmt.edu. I’ll be entering some of my more bizarre motorcycle art. Probably be turned down, though.

JUST IN CASE– you weren’t feeling too old today, this will certainly changethings. Each year, the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together alist to try to give the faculty a sense of the mindset of that year’sincoming freshmen.

Here is this year’s list:

The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were bornin 1982.

They have no meaningful recollection of the Reagan era and probably did notknow he had ever been shot.

Black Monday 1987 is as significant to them as the Great Depression.

They were 11 when the Soviet Union brokeapart and do not remember the Cold War. They have never feared a nuclearwar.

Their lifetime has always includedAIDS. Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic. Atari predatesthem, as do vinyl albums. The expression “You sound like a broken record”means nothing to them since they have never owned a record player.

They have always had an answering machine. Most have never seen a TV setwith only 13 channels, nor have they seen a black-and-white TV. They havealways had cable. There have always been VCRs, but they have no idea whatBETA is. They cannot fathom not having a remote control.

Roller skating has always meant in-line for them.

Jay Leno has always been on “The Tonight Show.”

They never took a swim and thought about “Jaws.”

Michael Jackson has always been white.

SWEET CORAL REPORT–Hi, Bandit,I have to tell you about the other night. I bought a digital camera from work and was messing with it when Sin came over. I told her she should be a model (and she could be too!). So I started taking pictures of her. I made her pose in the most suggestive ways. God, I was getting turned on. She’s so soft and malleable. I told her to touch herself and she spread her legs gently. She had on a pleated black skirt and a white blouse buttoned up the front. A black and white scarf was tied around her collar. She was wearing black stockings and black high heels. She looked like a high school fantasy as I unbuttoned her blouse. I wanted that massive cleavage to show and as I touched her blouse she seemed to push her breasts toward me and my fingers played along the top of each tit, her nipples struggling to free themselves from the confines of her silk bra.I was going out of my mind. I had to kiss her. Gotta go. I’ll tell you about it when I calm down.~Coral

LAND SPEED RACER DON VESCO ATTEMPTSPLUS 400 MPH WORLD SPEED RECORDAT THE FAMED BONNEVILLE SALT FLATS–Capitalizing on a pristine, 13-mile course, speedrecord holders Don and Rick Vesco of TEAM Vesco Racing, together withEd Dempsey, are poised to set a new world land speed record forwheel-driven cars at the famed Bonneville Salt Flats, Oct. 18-21.

“We already hold the national speed record,” explained Rick Vesco. “Itis way past time that the United States take back the world recordfrom England.”

Vesco refers to Britain’s Donald Campbell who set the world record forturbine-powered cars in 1964 at 403 mph. TEAM Vesco’s “Turbinator” hasexceeded that speed nearly a dozen times, but not during anFIA-sanctioned event. The high-speed time trials, conducted by theSouthern California Timing Association (SCTA), will host officialsfrom the international record governing body Federation AutomobileInternational (FIA).

All eyes are on the Turbinator driven by racing veteran Don Vesco, 61,who has held the World Land Speed Record for Motorcycles three times.He is expected to break the existing World Land Speed Record (409mph) for wheel-driven cars currently held by friend and competitorAl Teague of Brea, Calif., but the Burkland family “411” and White family”Spirit of Autopower” streamliners have turned in plus 400 mph runs aswell. “Our friends have shown us that they are capable of 450 mph,”mused Don Vesco, who together with his brother, Rick, have theirsights locked on the elusive record. “I know we are capable of suchspeed, especially with the freshened Dempsey engine in the car.”

Turbinator relies on its 850-pound, 3,750-horsepower turbine enginefor stunning power-to-weight performance. “We already own the worldrecord for electric-powered vehicles,” remarked Ed Dempsey. “Theturbine engine is just another direction to obtain big speed numbers.We want to push the technology envelope, generate a competitiveplaying field and have fun in the process.”

If successful, TEAM DEMPSEY/VESCO Racing will bring the coveted speedcrown back to the United States for the first time in almost fourdecades. Having already set a new national land speed record of 427mph in October 1999 during SCTA World Finals, the world record iswithin reach.

EASYRIDERS OF DALLAS ROCKS–While Rick and Tina Fairless, the owners of Dallas Easyriders, were away on vacation in Tahoe, their young daughter, who is affectionately called Big-Un, went to work. Actually, as you will see, Big-Un and Rick’s mother, Mom, really run the joint. This is just an example. While they were away, Big-Un organized this big party as a pre-Bikers Choice gathering and she’s flying in Dave Perewitz of Cycle Fab, Howard Kelly and Dave Withrow from Hot Bike Magazine for the party Oct. 28 from 7 p.m. to 10 p.m. so mark you calendar.

That’s not all. She moved the service department around back to a larger location and hired nine new technicians to be on hand to fix and build bikes, like my Shovelhead (ex-Mexican cop bike). Then she promoted Stone McVey to parts manager and she did a stellar job of marketing the shop while the folks were away. She hired two more parts chasers to keep the stock high and back orders low. Since the folks were out of town, she invited the local hot rod and custom truck enthusiasts by on Friday and Saturday nights to party at her bar, Strokers. It’s not cool for a minor to own a drinkin’ establishment, so don’t let the news leak out.I hope Rick and Tina don’t get upset, but while they were drinking exotic drinks and squandering the company money at the gambling tables, Big-Un ordered a fresh supply of Big Dog 2001 models and Victorys. She expanded the bro’s club and created a calendar of events that you can catch in our calendar section. I could go on. Oh, shit, I almost forgot. As a surprise for the old man’s return to the shop, Big-Un called Easyriders and made arrangements to have her dad’s first serious chopper, built almost entirely with Kennedy components, shot for the cover of the magazine. That should make up for some of the late-night parties.Lookin’ for a job at a shop that’s happenin’, growing and progressive? Big-Un is looking for the following team members to keep the joint cookin’:
Service technicians
Bike builders and fabricators (they need to have my Shovelhead done by the Love Ride)
Parts people; business is cookin’ and the holidays are around the corner.
Counter help (Roadware clothing girl). Big-Un can’t do it all herself. Hell, she’s only 13 and still must attend her classes. Call Big-Un at (214) 357-0707. If you’re a fuck-up, forget it. She may be less than 5 feet tall, but she’ll kick yer ass.

Biketoberfest Sites–Ya need info on the upcoming Daytona event? Here’s a list of sites to help you get drunk, find parts for your wrecked bike, find girls to bail you out or call the cops when she absconds with your bike:

www.daytonahd.com
www.jackonsvilleholesaloon.com Jacksonville
www.gillyspub44.com
www.jacksonholesaloon.com All or possibly Florida
www.daytonausa.com
www.carlsspeedshop.com
www.n-jcenter.com (Not sure what this one is. It was on a list sent me.)
www.boothillsaloon.com
www.americaniron.com
www.biketoberfest.org
www.daytonabeach.com

AB 1515, CALIFORNIA’S ‘VETERANS LICENSE PLATES FOR MOTORCYCLES’ BILL IS NO MORE– This is a goodthing. AB 1515, sponsored by ABATE of California, has been signed into law by Gov. Davis and has been chaptered (see definition below). Its new name is Chapter 859.

It started on Oct. 19, 1998, and was finishedon Sept. 29, 2000. Someone recently asked me if all this was worth the trouble. Huh? What trouble? (Withapologies to Robert Redford.) More than just the passage of a law that allows motorcycle-riding Veterans a way to display their pride in having served, the passage of this bill into law is proof that we can make a difference. Each and every one of us matters,biker, motorcyclist, Veteran or just the common citizen. Each of us has a voice in government.

–Trash The Geezer From Hell

STURGIS REPORT–A handful of brothers had a bitch that I didn’t cover Sturgis in my ride report. There’s a reason for that, in fact, several. One, every fuckin’ magazine on the planet features major coverage of Sturgis. How many times ya gonna read about the Mike Corbin party or the H-D display in Rapid City or the drags. Gimme a fuckin’ break. I rode out, didn’t I? Since I wasn’t there on magazine duty, I chased women rather than hitting every event I could squeeze in. Besides, the traffic was worse than L.A. at prime time. Damn, it was a bitch to get around.

Finally, HORSE magazine called the other day and pleaded with me to write something on Sturgis for their rag ’cause they can’t afford to send a soul to the Badlands. So look out, I have one photograph of the entire region on fire (above) and I plan to write something that will make Armageddon look like a picnic. Shit, it’ll even be the truth. Watch for it.

THREE GUYS AND A LADY– were sitting at the bar talking about their professions. The first guysays “I’m a Y.U.P.P.I.E, you know… Young, Urban,Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist.”

The secondguysays ” I’m a D.I.N.K, you know… Double Income, No Kids.”

The third guy says, ” I’m a R.U.B, you > know… Rich,Urban, Biker.”

They turn to the woman and ask ” What are you? ”

She replies: ” I’m a WIFE, you know… Wash, Iron,Fuck, Etc..”

L.A. TIMES SLURS BIKERS– Harley-Davidson, Texans, Jesus, Bush and your Bill of Rightsby Special Agent Zebra

As someone holding a degree in journalism, I am appalled and insulted at the yellow rag pack of opinions and elitist slurs recently dumped on American bikers by the liberal rag, the L.A. Times.

According to the Times, all Texans are redneck morons who are raised to kill. All bikers are common scum and anyone with a beard, a ponytail or long hair is a “dirtbag”. Most contemporary depictions of Christ himself include “dirtbag” prerequisite long hair and beard. These and countless other idiotic opinions were leveled and attempted to be passed off as “journalism” by hack idiots at the L.A. Times, despite the fact that even the prosecutor said there is nothing wrong with the Texas concealed weapons law.

The story was that a man committed a murder. Oddly enough, the L.A. Times muckrakers had to go clear to Texas in order to dredge up a phony angle crooked enough to hump their dead horse of gun control and smear a presidential candidate who has the nuts to abide by the Bill of Rights in the face of the constitutionally disrespectful Clinton administration. The article is below. If you feel insulted, especially our bros in Texas, take five minutes and drop them a no-bullshit letter at:

Los Angeles Times
202 W. 1st St.
Los Angeles, Calif. 90012

Or even better, give the assholes a ring at: (818) 772-3200 and let them know what you think of their “journalism,” you long-haired, motorcycle- riding “dirtbag”.

Tuesday, Oct. 3, 2000

How One Texan Got a License, Then Killed 2

By RICHARD A. SERRANO and WILLIAM C. REMPEL, Times Staff WritersLIVINGSTON, Texas–Robert Clinton Hinkle lived life hard–the bandit biker gangs, the death threats, the drugs, the gunfights too many to count. But then something odd came real easy–his plastic concealed handgun license card from the state of Texas. He mailed in the yellow, 19-question application, passed a written exam and a shooting test, and soon became one of the tens of thousands legally walking around Texas with a hidden firearm.With his new license slipped neatly in his wallet, he carried a .380 semiautomatic in a shoulder holster and a .41-caliber magnum Smith & Wesson tucked under his belt at the back of his pants. Hinkle was armed. He was also dangerous. In fact, he is among the most egregious examples of how the state of Texas has granted hundreds of concealed-weapon permits to citizens with questionable backgrounds. Roughly a year after he received his license, Hinkle killed two men and seriously wounded a third in a wild shootout over drugs.

Hinkle is in prison in Livingston, probably locked up for the rest of his life, but he laughs when he talks about how little effort it took to get the concealed handgun license. “It just fell into my hands,” he says, sitting in the maximum security penitentiary next to Texas’ death row.

Law enforcement officials in Texas maintain that because Hinkle had no prior criminal history, there was no reason for him to be denied a license. Ray Nutt, chief investigator in the district attorney’s office in Henderson County, Texas, where Hinkle was tried, convicted and sentenced, called it unfair to blame the state program for awarding Hinkle a license in 1996.

“You’re always going to have a few people who slip through,” Nutt said. “And if you wrote the law so Hinkle couldn’t have one, then nobody could have one.”

Even local prosecutor Shari Jenkins Moore, who helped put Hinkle away for so long that he won’t even be eligible for parole until he is nearly 90, said that while in hindsight he should not have gotten a license, the program is sound and should not be changed.

“Given his history, I don’t think anybody made an error giving him one,” she said. “A lot of it is whether you’re honest about who you are and why you want the license.

“Because even if you beat up your wife and shove a gun in her face, if you’re not convicted of that, you’re going to slip through.”

But Herman Porter, a federal agent with the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, has a different perspective because he had earlier investigated Hinkle and his world of violent biker gangs. Asked whether Texas should have licensed Hinkle to carry a concealed weapon, Porter replied: “Are you kidding me?”

A Love Affair With Motorcycles

A Texas native, Hinkle loves guns (he kept as many as seven around his home at any one time) and he had long been a hunter. But motorcycles, Harley- Davidsons mostly, were his real love. Even though he was nicknamed “Pokey,” he bragged in the prison interview that he once built the fastest Harley around, one that could fly at 187 miles an hour. Twenty years ago he began riding with the Banshees, a biker gang, and soon was flaunting the trappings of that nether world–heavy beard, ponytail, black leather boots, blue dragon tattoo on his left forearm.

“It was like a family,” he said. “We would drive to the lake and drink a few beers, maybe 40 or 50 of us.”

Hinkle was an expert motorcycle mechanic, brought into the “family” because he could build fast bikes.

In the early 1980s, things turned ugly. The Banshees were challenged by another biker gang, the Banditos. According to Hinkle, the Banditos did not want the Banshees wearing the words “Texas Rocks” on the back of their riding jackets. There soon was an altercation–shots fired, knives flashed and one Bandito was left dead. Porter, the ATF agent, helped put a prosecution together, in which he said about 20 Banditos were convicted of various crimes. Hinkle was called as a government witness to demonstrate to the jury what kind of person joins an outlaw gang. “He was pretty raunchy looking,” Porter said. “We tried to clean him up a bit in court, but he was still just a dirt bag biker.”Hinkle said his life went into a tailspin after his court appearance. He said that a bounty was placed on his head for testifying against the Banditos–and that the reward was a five-gallon jug of P2P, an oil base that is a critical ingredient used in methamphetamine.

What followed, he said, was a series of attempts on his life. Suspicious characters began showing up around his motorcycle shop near Dallas and someone placed a bomb on the gas meter at his home, destroying a side of the house, he said.So Hinkle moved east to Eustace, Texas, to elude his enemies, he said. But he kept his shaggy look (ponytail down his back and the beard down to his chest). He kept tinkering with motorcycle engines, did drugs daily, and always, he said, worried about his safety.

That’s not all, unfortunately it’s not short, but I think it’s very newsworthy and hits right along the line of your new book, “Orwell”. I say run this in its entirety. The site for the story is, http://www.latimes.com/news/nation/updates/lat_biker001003.htm. Read the whole burrito. It’s worth it–Zebra

BIKERNET BANNERS–Wanna trade links or sport a Bikernet banner on your site? For anything to do with link trades, sponsorships or advertising, ask the man behind the muscle–Oz. Drop a note to Oz@bikernet.com

LIE CLOCKS–Hillary Clinton died and went to heaven. (As if you can believe that!)As she stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates she saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.She asked, “What are all those clocks?”St. Peter answered, “Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move.”

Oh,” said Hillary, “whose clock is that?”

“That’s Mother Teresa’s. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.”

“Whose clock is that?”

“That’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands have only moved twice, telling us that Abe only told two lies in his entire life.”

“Where’s Bill’s clock?” Hillary asked.

“Bill’s clock is in God’s office. He’s using it as a ceiling fan.”

SENSUAL SASHA REPORTS– I will have my Sturgis piecedone for you next week, before the Penthouse launch. I need to get my outtakephotos back from them so I can use a few for your site. It’s cool with themthat I do that. The story is hot, dripping with sultry notions and longing caresses. You know about that.

Also, been doing stuff with Indian Larry lately. Perhaps you would like todo an article on him someday. He’s New York City’s master builder, as youknow, and a legend in his own right.www.indianlarry.com

THE AMERICAN DAREDEVIL–I recently phoned this 32-year-old, Bon Secour, Alabama boy who has taken over the throne of the Harley-Davidson jumpers from the legend Evel Knievel, and the master doesn’t like it. Bubba Blackwell has broken every confirmable record Evel ever made and he was recently taken under the star-struck wing of the William Morris Talent Agency. I interviewed him for Hot Rod Bikes Magazine. Watch for it in the coming months.

COMPANY MASCOT–Hey, I sent a request for you to be the company mascot. Note to them asfollows: Hello,You need a REAL mascot and I have known one for over 31 years that fits thebill to your beer. He is known by literally millions of motorcycleenthusiasts and readers of top biker magazines throughout the motorcycleriding world as “ROGUE”! Take a look at him and I’m sure you will agree athttp://www.bikerrogue.com. Get him as your “official company mascot” andadvertise in Easyrider & Biker magazineand watch your sales hit a new record! Now, in appreciation of THAT hotmarketing tip, it is sure worth a case of your beer delivered to me! Drinkup!Al Pace, Meridian, IdahoDid someone ask for a mascot? I thought it was Jon Towle’s nick the dick–Bandit

AH, THE PROVERB FOR THE WEEK–Worrying doesn’t empty tomorrow of its troubles,it empties today of its strength. Thought you could use that when moneyseems too important. Remember that you are loved. Put your hand in your backpocket, squeeze, that’s from me. Love, Angeld

TIM CONDOR’S KNUCKLE-CUSTOM–HellBilly will be featured from start to finish on Bikernet. Watch as Tim hand-forms this drawing into a raggedy-assed, fast-as-hell Knucklehead. We’re please to lend our support to a relatively unknown world class custom builder. Remember, he’s the man who rode a highbar chop into downtown Seattle and attempted to demonstrate the ultimate flame job by dousing himself with gasoline and setting himself ablaze, then splitting lanes through the northern city streets. Too bad the fire kept stalling out the bike. Watch for it.

RAY PRICE ROCKS THE SCREAMIN’ EAGLE NITRO HARLEY FIELD– at IHRA but breakage haunts his Ray Price Racing team.

This weekend at the IHRA’s 9th annual Expressautoparts.com President’s Cup Nationals held outside Budds Creek, Md., at Maryland International Raceway, Price qualified sixth on his last attempt with 6.671 ET at 201.67 mph.

In the first round of eliminations, though Price launched a little slow, he was on a good run when the chain broke, ending his day early.

Oct. 7-8 AHDRA Rockingham, N.C.
Oct. 12-14 IHRA Shreveport, La. (Finals)

Ray Price Racing is supported by Ray Price Harley- Davidson, Raleigh HOG, S & S Cycle, Power Arc Ignition Co., Ultra Pro Machining, JIMS, Royal Purple Synthetic Motor Oil, Shumaker Racing, Performance Machine, Barnett Tool & Engineering, Vanson’s, Carolina Cobras, and Wilder’s Inc

Check www.rayprice.com, or call(919) 832-2261.Don’t forget to watch IHRA on TNN Sunday nights at 10:30 pm EST.

BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT–Once more waiting for the hurricane to hit or miss. Lifeduring hurricane season is sketchy to say the least–check the weather channel, check the Internet andhope for the best. Isaac went way North, Joyce seems weird, went way southbut the forecast is to come back west, Go figure! Meanwhile, riding is shit,all the rain waves from the storm keep on passing by, maybe raining for fourminutes, maybe four days.

The trailer has to be ready by next week, and on the ship towardBiketoberfest, seems like the same day Hurricane Joyce might come visit, oh well, notthe first time.Finally will get my new chopper, which has been sitting in Phoenix at Bourget’sshop for a couple weeks. I expected to have it for Sturgis but got delayed.Hell, we all know how that goes. As soon as I get it back, I promise willsend some photos. We are also building (at the same time) a chopper for mygirlfriend with a Sportster motor, all hell is breaking loose. Last week,Bourget was here for a while, also Steve Zammit, from BBW New York. Just alittle r&r before mayhem in helmetless Florida!

Speaking of helmets, we are working to change the law in PR and be able toride lid free. A big step was taken when I received a phone call last weekfrom a friend of the governor asking about the study-proposal we did torepeal the law. Seems that our governor talked to the governor of Louisianaand invited him over to ride. The Louisiana governor replied by asking ifhe could ride helmetless or would not come at all….Funny how things turnfor the better. Will keep you posted on this.

Just saw the new Avon 250 tire, hey what’s up? How wide are tires going toget?200,230,240,250……–Jose

A SHY GENTLEMAN– was preparing to board a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same flight. “This is exciting,” thought the gentleman. “I’ve always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I’ll be able to see him in person.” Imagine his surprise when the Pope sat down in the seat right next to him. Still, the gentleman was too shy to speak to the pontiff.

Shortly after takeoff, the Pope began a crossword puzzle. “This is fantastic,” thought the gentleman. “I’m really good at crosswords. Perhaps, if the Pope gets stuck, he’ll ask me for assistance.” Almost immediately, the Pope turned to the gentleman and said, “Excuse me, but do you know a four-letter word referring to a woman that ends in ‘u-n-t’?”

Only one word leapt to mind… “My goodness,” thought the gentleman, “I can’t tell the Pope that. There must be another.” The gentleman thought for quite a while, then it hit him. Turning to the pope, the gentleman said, “I think the word you’re looking for is ‘aunt’.”

“Of course,” said the Pope. “Do you have an eraser?”

A WISPY FOG–hangs over the harbor as I wait for Nuutboy to show up and assist with the final construction of the dual-carbed ’48 Panhead. Then Marcus will roll in with burritos and two bus loads of cameras and we’ll finish the tech shots. The cops quit coming around once I got the clue and started to answer the questions with the right answers for me–not them. Always remember, the less they know the better.

I want to thank all the readers who wrote in about my gun-totin’ incident. Most agree that the kid should have been shot. By taking some feeble action, I saved the vehicle, but it cost $500 for repairs. The options would have been a dead kid and life in prison. If I had sat back and called the cops, the van would have been gone and I still would have to deal with a bunch of guys who want to put someone in jail, even if it’s the victim. If the kid had been caught, his girlfriend would have thought he was a cool outlaw and I would have been put in the position of being a snitch, which is against my code. Suppose I saved the tax payers a bundle, the cops a gross of paperwork, and the kid a ton of bail money. Shit, I don’t know. I’ll take a razor out the next time and slice off $500 worth of hide.

Quick, another subject. Sex. Maxim is full of Cosmo tips for guys trying to get laid. What they don’t realize is that women are trying even harder, except they have a problem. Our fucked-up society dictates that they can’t show it except in the way they dress. OK, so we had a meeting the other night and Sin, who is handling the classifieds and the calendar section (they’re both free, so post your shit), suggested a tech tip. Well, actually we threatened to throw Snake out of the Bikernet crew if he didn’t come up with a tech tip–the ultimate tech tip. As usual, the down-trodden bro stumbled and mumbled in a drunken stupor until Sin slithered up beside him, whispered in his ear and the bastard was saved. So Snake is responsible for writing and producing the Ultimate Tech Tip or, in this case, the perfect sexual evening.

I got to thinking about it and I was beginning to let a cloud of hesitancy shadow my raspy thinking when Ray Russell sent me a list of sexual do’s and don’ts from a report in Australia. It was good, damn good, and we’ll post it shortly along with the Ultimate Tech Tip. As Zebra put it, “We do techs on hot rod motors, why not a tech on high-powered sex?”

Get your scoots running, it’s the weekend–let’s ride.

–BanditPS. If you’ve got something to say, post in the news, complain about, here’s your shot–Your Shot

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–GUNFIRE ROCKS THE HEADQUARTERSHey,

Life in the ghetto is never dull. I don’t know how to explain this, except to rattle on and hope you get the gist of the story. We had a box of chrome parts of good news this week. The Street Stalker is sold for enough to print Sam “Chopper” Orwell, so we’ll have books in the next two to three weeks. We’ve figured out how to mount and protect the dual 42 mm Mikuni carburetors on my ’48 Panhead. It could be running next week. A deal came through on some Pro Street frames so Nuutboy’s bike will see wheels over the next couple of months. Dr. Hamster, who recently had a station wagon cut him off and destroy his FXR, will have a new frame, and I may be able to start on a project that includes slipping an 88-Twin Cam into a Kenny Boyce Pro Street frame. The scores came from a friend of 30 years, Rogue in Florida. We’ve been posting his parts deals in the news over the last couple of weeks. There’s more to come.

On the home front, it was a quiet night Tuesday at about 11 p.m., until I heard a knock on the door. It was more like a caress, and I gladly let her in. She was sad, a bit tired from a hectic work week, and worried about something. We talked and drank wine, then she took a bath by candlelight and soaked her worries away. Energy seemed to spring forth and we were up to all hours, only to fall asleep at about 2 a.m., wiped out after another full, satisfying day.

At 3:45, I awoke. I have this nature, that if I wake up suddenly in the middle of the night, I immediately lie still and wait to see if something is up. Then I heard it. A grunt and a door closing. That’s when the night took on a completely different demeanor. What once was star-light and love turned violent, but we better get to the news.

BIKERNET SEX CORRESPONDENT–Reporting from the Penthouse Website:

What was to be a simple editorial has turned into an extravaganza withvolumes of photos, video footage and editorial. Mostly pictorial driven,the Penthouse.com presentation will surely tell the story. Had I had free reign, certainly I would have had enough photos for two yearsworth of evolving editorial on the Penthouse site.The Penthouse.com presentation of Sturgis is set to go live Oct. 15.Will I be one of those free-spirited nymphs captured in glossy print? WillBandit be captured, chopper and all, in the chesty grip of a free-spiritednymph? Shhhhh – those secrets are safe with me.–Sasha

AUSTRALIAN BIKERNET CORRESPONDENT REVEALS SOUND CONTROVERSY– Ray Russell, an Australian businessman and rider, sent in the following story about a musician who rolled a Harley-Davidson into his studio and recorded it as part of a musical arrangement, then decided that he owns the sound of the Harley. The following is from a Melbourne newspaper:Bill Cook (Australian musician) owns the distinctive sound of the famous motorbike.Harley-Davidson’s legal department has worked for the past six years toreclaim ownership.But with the help of several other motorbike companies, including Honda andYamaha, Cook has maintained his grip on the bike’s distinctive rumble.

The 57-year-old stonemason-turned-musician took out the United Statescopyright for the bike’s syncopated sound in 1993 when making an albumcalled Steel Stallions.He recorded the idling engine of his vintage Harley-Davidson and made it therhythm section on several of the album’s tracks.

“I rode the Harley into the sound studio and the engineer poked hismicrophone in and around the engine while it was idling,” he said.”He then put it near the head so you could hear the valves falling back intotheir pockets. Then, near the carbie.All this coming through $10,000 speakers at full bore was music to my ears.The Harley sound as the drum track is unique and I believe I have a pieceof music I can sell to Harley riders.”

Manufacturer Harley-Davidson was surprised to find someone else owned thesound of its engine — and it filed an application with the U.S. Patent andTrademark Office to override Cook’s copyright.

Two months ago, Harley-Davidson dropped its six-year effort to patent thesound, saying it was tired of spending money with no end in sight.

This leaves Cook the undisputed owner of the Harley-Davidson sound.Cook says he does not care about the copyright and would “happily” hand itover to the Milwaukee bike manufacturer if it agreed to give away a copy ofhis album with every Harley sold.

Ehhh, I ain’t buyin’ it-Oz

JIMS AHDRA LAS VEGAS NATIONALS–JIMS is proud to host the 3rd annual AHDRA Las Vegas drag racing nationals, held Oct. 20-22. These races are the extreme in Harley-Davidson Drag Racing, and this year guarantees to be one of the best years ever. The event will be held at the Las Vegas Motor Speedway, on the brand-new, NHRA-certified drag strip.

JIMS is devoted to Harley-Davidson and racing. Don’t miss it at the Las Vegas Motor Speedway. For more information go to the JIMS site: www.jimsusa.com.

RUNNING IN TIGHT CIRCLES–A couple of my straighter riding friends. Next to me is Angus King,governor of Maine, and next to him is Chief Justice DanWalthen. Two other Harley-riding guys out for an afternoon of fun withPaul.

HOT ROD BIKES INTERVIEW RECOGNITION– You’re starting to be a real interviewer; Stone Philips and BarbaraWalters better start watching their collective ass. Good interview withOliver. When he said what a pain in the ass people are when it comes tobackstage passes, I would have loved it if you had said “then go back tothe way it was in the early years at Calamingos Ranch, when there weren’tany.” The first Love Ride I went on was No. 5 and I remember being able togo back for thirds and fourths on the food line, and all the fresh fruit(apples, oranges, bananas) you could eat. Plus I don’t remember a”backstage.” It seems to me there wasn’t any segregation. Of course, like a lot of my memories that are more than three hours old,they tend to become somewhat unclear. Anyway, another good interview.

DARWIN AWARDS–It’s an annual honor given to the personwho provided the universal human gene pool the biggestservice by getting killed in the most extraordinarily stupidway. As always, competition this year has been keen.Some candidates appear to have trained their whole livesfor this event!

DARWIN AWARD CANDIDATES 1. In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in2 feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewergrate to retrieve his car keys.

2. In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker whowas always “totally focused when he ran,” according to hiswife, accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on his dailyrun.

3. Buxton, N.C.: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deephole he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it.Beachgoers said Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun,and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottomThursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying himbeneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on theouter banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to clawtheir way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, Va., butcould not reach him. It took rescue workers usingheavy equipment almost an hour to free him whileabout 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounceddead at a hospital.

SHOULD WE FEATURE IT?–This is a 1999 Ultra Custom, 113 inch S&S motor, Andrews gears, Crane Single Fire ignition, Supertrap exhaust, P & M brakes, stretch tanks and custom paint.

The proud owner is Mike Wagner of Florence, Ky.

Hey, should we feature a manufactured motorcycle as a custom? Let me know what you think. I’m under the impression that we need to honor the hard work of the individual and the talent and innovation of professional bike builders, but let me know your thoughts.

DEMOCRATIC PROCESS–We here at Bikernet want the best for our readers, that’s why we have a limit on the number of sponsors we will post on the site. We want our readers to come to a place where only the best is represented by companies that will back up their products.

In the future, we will create an editorial board made up of the staff and sponsors, so when we need a decision about a product or new sponsor, we’ll put it in front of the gang for a vote. In addition, like the above inquiry, we will throw these decisions out to you guys to let us know what you think. Hell, I’m not working on this puppy constantly to benefit my lost cat. We need to know what you think.

TIM CONDOR PROJECT– Here’s a brother who likes a good mystery. He tells me he’s going to build a Knucklehead called HELLBILLY and sends me a list of components, but no photos, no drawings, nada. Then he says, “Brother, could you help me get this in a magazine?”

Tim, give me a break. I love Knuckleheads. We want it on Bikernet.

* 88-inch S&S cone lower end
* FHP complete dual carb knuckle heads and cylinders
* Morris dual magnetos
* BDL 3-inch belt system
* Revtech 5 in a 4 speed
* Choppers Inc. 40 spoke, 8-inch rim with 4-inch black and birch white checkers /Avon 230
* Black 40 spoke, 21-inch spool rim with the round spool painted like aneight ball / Dunlop
* 3 gallon tanks
* Re-pop V-twin stock springer, black and chrome
* SJP/Weerd Bros. 230 “stock” knuckle frame
* Kennedy rotor brake
* drag bars welded onto dogbone steering head
* Headlight is a model A parking light with a PIAA light in it

* I have all the parts except the back fender (haven’t built it yet). Nolifters or blocks. No chain.I’ve got $17,000 in parts. I’ll sell it now as-is or finished. If Isell it done, it will be black with a jockey. The rims are paintedalready. Thanks again – Tim

DA MARRIAGE COUNSELOR– Everybody knows that no matter how much you’re in love when you get married, at one point or another the honeymoon is over. That’s when the excuses start. I’ve used them, you’ve used them and believe it or not, my wife has used them. Following is a top 10 list of some of the best excuses to get out of having sex with your significant other.

10. I’d love to honey, but I just banged your sister.
9. We’re out of paper bags for your head again.
8. You haven’t shaved in so long I’m afraid I’d feel I was making love to Big Foot.
7. You’re 20 bucks short.
6. We’re out of gin again.
5. I used my last sponge for the dishes.
4. Sorry, this isn’t a conjugal visit.
3. I can’t tonight, honey, I spent myself earlier today watching all those pornos.
2. Only if you put on this wig and talk like a Chinese hooker.

And the No. 1 excuse to not have sex: Your gynecologist just called – you still have crabs and you know how I don’t like seafood.

QUESTION, QUESTIONS?–Been up to my ass in alligators. Work’s been nuts and I’m trying to getcertified in Microsoft NTserver so I’ve had that shit to deal with. Theonly thing that’s keepin’ me sane is the riding. If it weren’t for that, I’dbe in one of those hotels with the padded rooms. How’s the movie comin’along? How’s”Burnin’ Daylight in L.A.” doin? Where’s “1%er”?–jr

I wish I had answer for ya. Marco the producer of “Burnin’ Daylight” took up with a coke whore and he doesn’t do coke and has no money. You can imagine how hard he’s workin’ to keep her tits in his face. Conrad Goode, the writer behind “Asphalt Cowboy” and once a player for the Buffalo Bills, was run over by walking pneumonia. He escaped to his homeland of Kansas for recuperation. Never heard from him again. And “1%” is looking at its 43rd rewrite. But Zebra makes his real money working for an ad house writing shit like, “got milk?” He wishes he wrote those two simple words. Following is his report:–Bandit

The Sturgis story is coming along well. I really dig it. It’s ethereal, yet real roady. A thinking piece.

Two questions; first, I’m thinking of giving Kearie a dozen “1%er” diamond patches to use as leave-behinds when she meets on the script. Know where or how I can get some made?

Oh Zebra, my man. Keep in mind that some clubs take 1%er patches real serious like.

Second, the agency over here is talking to Buell as a potential new client. They’re asking me to run up to Chicago with them to talk to the cats. Know anything about Buell, who runs it, what they’re like? They’re a division of H-D as I understand it, but these guys seem to think they’re independent.

That Zebra character is really up on motorcycle current events. This is what I told him: Buells were designed and manufactured by Eric Buell. Eric always had a tight relationship with H-D and used Sportster engines in his basically road racing chassis. He was the first to create an American Ninja. About three years ago, H-D bought the company from Eric and began to get serious. Jerry Wilke is the H-D V.P. in charge. Jerry is one of those guys who makes things happen. They put him in charge and he turns whatever division it is around and makes it work.

The problem with sales is perception. Racers have a tough time imagining a road racer in a Hog shop. It’s a different kind of customer, different kind of bike and the two have a tough time mixing, but they could. Now, many dealerships have one guy who is a racer of sorts, and a tech-head dedicated to selling the Buells, so that the Buell customer has someone to talk to. Guys who want to buy an H-D come in the dealership, pick a color and order the bike, or beg for one. The road racer wants to know what kind of performance shock is in a Buell, what kind of fasteners hold shit together, etc. They crawl around under the bike, poke and question. So this kid is comparing this 100 horse Sportster-powered Road Racer with a 180 mph Ninja or Katana from Yamaha, which are absolutely state-of-the-art. The highest tech machines in the world. How do they compete? How do they market these tough American machines?

So here’s a couple of points. Ninjas/ Katanas, whatever, are Jap bikes. They sound like Jap bikes, they run like sewing machines. Here’s a bike that handles like a Jap bike, but is American. It rumbles like an H-D, which makes it sexy and entertaining. Bubba Blackwell is a good example. This guy is breaking all of Evel K’s records. He says he could do it all day long on Jap bikes and no one gives a shit. But do it on a Harley and you have something exciting. He does a lot of stunts on Buells, and might make an interesting icon for a campaign.

These bikes need a fit, and I think if they got outrageous with some, customized them, they might find the spark. I want to build one and make it look like a jet fighter from WWII, bad as hell, and tough as nails. Give it that bad-to-the-bone road racer look and you’ll see outlaws riding ’em.

BRIGHT DECISIONS– 1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY STAND UP? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. (Perhaps it’s not Walter who’s lacking intelligence.)

3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

HARLEY-DAVIDSON–WHEELS OF FREEDOM–
Overview:Enter a 3D virtual world and experience the freedom of the open road on aHarley, with stunning graphics and realistic handling physics. Featuringthree styles of rally races, multiple riders and the ability to customizeyour own Harley. Harley-Davidson Wheels of Freedom is sure to rule theroad. Players face rough pavement, dirt roads, drag races and more. Doyou have what it takes to meet the Harley challenge?

Features:
Multiple racing styles including Open Road challenge, Draggin’ in theDirt, and
Madman Hill Climb;
Create and ride your own fully customized Harley;
Choose from multiple riders, each with their own style and personality;
Dynamic crash sequences;
Race against others via LAN or the Internet;
Cruise to soundtrack of classic road songs.

Publisher: WizardWorks
Developer: G2M Games and Canopy Games
Release Date: September 2000
Platform: PC

Suggested Retail Price: $19.99

HEY, BANDITO–How’s things? I have been so busy and Sin has been too. We have hardlyhad a chance to hook up lately. Yesterday, we went to this tattoo shop(I’m thinking of getting something on my ass). Anyway, Sin comes out inthis tiny little skirt and skimpy low cut top showing all leg and nothingbut tits. When she sat on the seat, her skirt went above her crotch showingthe perfect little v-shape of her snatch. At first I thought that she justhad white panties on, but after a closer look I realized they were sheer.Because she shaves everything, it was all creamy color down there. Ireached over and ran my finger along… Well gotta get to work Senor Bandito,Talk at ya later!~Coral

P.S. Here’s a shot of the girls.

RAY PRICE LEGENDS OF HARLEY DRAG RACING MUSEUM OPENS– The Ray Price Legends of Harley Drag Racing Museum opened Sept. 23 in a brief, but impressive ceremony.

Several hundred local race fans and a host of drag racers were on hand for the ribbon cutting ceremony for the first installation of the museum.

The ceremony included the “sound of freedom” presented by the Raleigh HOG chapter, invocation by Bruce Brown, chaplain of the Raleigh HOG Chapter. A U. S. Marine color guard presented the colors, Debbie Johnson sang the national anthem and Jamie Emery, the youngest Top Fuel racer, did a burnout making the guests and dignitaries feel like they were at the races.

Ray Price and Jean Price were beaming with pride as Jim Hartley, IHRA chaplain, gave the prayer and dedication. Mary Lou Brewton, the museum’s curator, read the mission statement .

“It is our goal at the Ray Price Legends of Harley Drag Racing Museum to preserve and conserve the history and heritage of the sport of drag racing Harley-Davidson motorcycles. It is our intent to provide a spectacular location for generations to come to view the machines and documentation of, to this point, 50 years of Harley-Davidson drag racing.”

The museum is free and open to the public during normal business hours. The first installation will begin to change in three months and the display cases will change quarterly.

Ray Price Harley-Davidson – (919) 832-2261www.rayprice.com

BREEZE DEPARTS–You’re about to lose one of your highly paidwriting staff for a while. Fall is in the air and it’s timefor me to get back in the breeze. Don’t know for howlong or what way (other than south toward warmweather). Usually don’t know until after I throw my legover and touch it off. I have been thinking of headingto Lynchburg for Mr. Jack’s 150th birthday party andthen on to Nashville for the run to Biketoberfest.FTW,Stroker

Goddamnit, report in, over. Come in, over? Shit, lost another one.–Bandit

BIG DOG ANNOUNCES SALES GROWTH AND FIRST PROFITABLE 6-MONTH PERIOD–Could be one of the few companies of this type making money. Sales for the first half of 2000 were up 30 percent, representing the fifth consecutive year of high double-digit sales growth. “We have been patiently building a company capable of long term, sustainable growth. We continue to focus on being the brand of choice in the premium cruiser niche. Big Dog offers a blend of aggressive custom style, individualized paint and powerful engines. These are motorcycles made to ride in the real world. Now that our volume has reached critical mass, we can press on improving component design. Our profitability allows us to spend more money on key strategies such as embedding a new level of mechanical and sales expertise at the dealer level,” said Sheldon Coleman, CEO and founder of Big Dog Motorcycles.

“We focus on dramatic and continual product improvements cornerstoned by our powerful yet smooth 107-inch drivetrain, and we partnered with many of the industry’s highest quality suppliers and developed exclusive relationships and products,” said Nick Messer, president of Big Dog. “Finally, we strive to create a work environment where our employees enjoy their jobs and realize that they are the keys to any success we may enjoy.”

“…embedding a new level of mechanical and sales expertise at the dealer level.” Sheldon, what the hell does that mean? Are you going to torture these guys? I’ve got to say that out of all the bikes of this nature that I’ve ridden, that 107-inch drivetrain is absolutely one that will make your hair stand on end, and give you the confidence to cut across country without batting an eye.–Bandit

ORWELL FOR SALE–We’re now confident that we will have books in stock in the next two to three weeks. You can now get a copy of Sam Chopper Orwell for $3 off the regular price and receive a free vinyl Bikernet sticker as part of the deal. Click Here for details!

URGENT LEGISLATIVE ALERT–In response to vehicle equipment safety concerns raised by the recentFirestone tire recalls, the U.S. Congress is moving quickly to enactlegislation that could affect manufacturers, dealers and installers of allautomotive equipment. These bills would dramatically increase reportingrequirements for all automotive product safety defects, add newrecord keeping requirements, create tougher recall rules, instituteincreased civil penalties and severe new criminal penalties fornon-compliance and direct the National Highway Traffic SafetyAdministration (NHTSA) to update its Federal tire standard.

SEMA is concerned that Congress, facing an early October adjournment, isrushing through complicated and controversial legislation (S.B. 3059/H.R.5164).

Key new obligations under S. 3059/H.R. 5164:- Vehicle equipment manufacturers may not certify compliance with federalstandards unless compliance has been established through testing orengineering.

– Statutory time period for safety recalls of vehicle equipment increasedfrom 8 to 10 years (3 to 5 years for tires.)

– Vehicle equipment manufacturers must report overseas recall orders,accidents and trends that result in injury or death, as well as legalactions and warranty complaints to the Department of Transportation (DOT).

– The DOT may share confidential vehicle equipment manufacturer informationwith foreign governments, without clearly guaranteeing the confidentialityof product information.

– The DOT may require record keeping and reporting on foreign and domesticconsumer complaints, equipment defect information and communicationsbetween dealers and manufacturers relating to equipment safety- relateddefects or recalls.

– Civil penalties for non-compliance with federal vehicle safety and recallstandards would increase from $1,000 to $5,000 for each violation, whilethe maximum fine would rise from $800,000 to as much as $15,000,000. Nomaximum fine would apply in instances of willful and intentional violation.

– New criminal penalties would be enacted making a director, officer or”agent” of a manufacturer (possibly dealers and installers) subject to afine of up to $50,000, 15 years in jail or both for willful and knowingviolations.

Contact your senators and congressional representative to urge furtherstudy of this legislation.For assistance in determining who your legislators are, please contact theCapitol Hill operator at (202) 225-3121, or you can access this informationvia the Internet at http://www.sema.org/fedleg/legislatorrequest. We haveincluded links to sample letters for your use.

KING MAKES IT FOUR FOR FOUR IN FORMULA USA SERIES–The regular participants in the Formula USAdirt-track series are probably thankful that Team Harley’s Rich King has raced in only half ofthe races this season. King has entered four races and won them all.

Number four came Saturday at the Cal-Expo State Fairgrounds in Sacramento,Calif. King battled briefly with Joe Kopp, Jay Springsteen and Chris Carrbefore grabbing the lead for good on lap three. The track was in poorcondition but King’s motorcycle was perfectly tuned and he skillfullymaneuvered around the rough spots to cruise to a half-straightaway victory.Kopp (H-D of Missouri) finished second and Springsteen (Bartels’ H-D) tookthird.

Like almost all of the dirt trackers this year, King has participated inboth the Formula USA Series and the AMA U.S. Flat Track Championships. Someof the races from the two series have fallen on the same weekends, however.King’s commitment has been to the AMA series, which is the reason he hasraced in only four Formula USA events.

With the win, King has bragging rights up to this point. When combining thenumber of wins from both series, King’s total of five is the most by anyracer this season. Will Davis and Carr have won four events, and Kopp haswon two.

Unfortunately King’s success will not lead to a championship in eitherseries. King sits in sixth place in the Formula USA standings with two racesto go, and is in fourth place with third place in his sights with one raceto go in the AMA series.The next dirt-track race is a Formula USA event scheduled for Sept. 30 atManzanita Speedway in Phoenix.

BIKERS SQUARE OFF WITH GANG BANGERS IN CHILD ABUSE CASE–Know a kid who’s been abused? Often when a child has been abused, they are asked to testify against their attacker, a terrifying thing for most victims and often one they simply cannot face. The sorry part is, if the child can’t or won’t testify, the criminal piece of shit who messed them up goes free.

That’s where Bikers Against Child Abuse comes in. BACA is a national organization with chapters across the United States. I spoke with several BACA members in Sturgis this year and asked them about their organization. They related a story to me about a young boy who had been brutally attacked by big-city gangbangers. When it came time to testify, the gang bangers openly threatened the boy and his family with deadly reprisal. For obvious reasons, the boy was too terrorized to take the witness stand and put the cowardly little fucker who jumped him in the hole where he belongs. Until BACA showed up.

BACA bros spent time with the boy, won his confidence and told him that they would be there, in court with him, watching his back and that he could rest assured that his new biker bros would not let anyone lay a finger on him- period.

The day of the trial came and a large group of gang bangers showed up and sat in the audience in an effort to scare the boy out of sending his attacker to prison. The boy and his parents were fast losing their nerve when the thunder of big American iron shook the courthouse. A massive group of brotherhood in the form of no-bullshit bros walked into the courtroom and proceeded to sit every-other-one between the gang bangers, who shriveled in the face of real fighters. The courtroom was packed with bikers.

The bros mere appearance gave the boy the courage to take the stand and testify against his assailant, who is now doing hard time. The boy was not bothered again.

If there’s ever been an organization to support, this is it. I’ve not found many subjects bikers agree on more unanimously than the notion that motherfuckers who lay a hand on a child richly deserve hanging. The bros website is www.bacausa.com.–Special Agent Zebra,Biketnet.com East

BRENDA FOX PARTIES WITH MADONNA–That’s right, after a grueling day with the Bikernet team at the Rod Stewart music video tape, Brenda wasn’t satisfied. She jumped on her new Duece and hit the showers, or maybe not, and rushed to the Hollywood Hills for an intimate evening with the queen of blondes and other celebs.

Next we will report on Ms. Fox’s relationship with Joker Machine. Like a true chopper rider, her brand new 2001 model is facing major modifications through Joker Machine and West Coast Choppers. More coming shortly.

DID YOU GET YOUR WHEELS?–In 1997 and ’98, a company by the name of Rau Marketing ‘BIKERS’ located inCosta Mesa, Calif.,was advertising a wheel called the ‘Nifty Fifty’. It had an aluminum rim,aluminum billet hub and 50 radially laced 3/8-inch diameter stainless steelspokes. When the owners of the company were put in federal prison oncharges of being responsible for the closure of a bank in NewportBeach, Calif., they left a lot of people screwed.

I’m looking into thepossibility of having mail fraud charges brought against them. What Ineed is to hear from anybody who ordered or paid for these wheels THROUGHthe mail, and never got them or a refund and still has the necessarypaper work to prove it. If you or someone you know were cheated by thesepeople, please contact me at -sbauman2@juno.com or at (949) 586-9468–Steve Bauman, the Vigilante.

CANDY KISS–It was a little boy’s first day in school and the teacher was going to play a “guessing” game.

She passed out different items to each of the students and proceeded to ask each student what the item was thatthey received. Whenit was the new boy, Jimmy’s turn, the teacher gave him a candy kiss. She asked, “Do you know what it is?”

Jimmy replied “No.”

The teacher said,”Go ahead and open it up and taste it.” Little Jimmy did so. The teacherthen asked, “Now do you know what it is?”

Little Jimmy said “Nooooo.”

The teacher said, “I’ll give you a hint…it is something your daddy wants from your mommy every morning before he goes to work.

” A little girl in the back of the class jumps up and screams, “JIMMY, SPITITOUT…….IT’S A PIECE OF ASS!”

A MAN AND A WOMAN– were driving down the road arguing about his deplorable infidelity. He takes out his penis, waves it at her and tellsher she knows what she can do.

Suddenly the womanreaches over and slices off the man’s peckerbeforetossing it out the window of the car.

Drivingbehind the car is a guy in a pickup truck with his 10-year-old daughter chatting away beside him. All of a sudden, the flesh-javelin smacks thepickup’s windshield, sticks for a moment, thenfliesoff.

Surprised, the daughter asks, “Daddy, what inthe heck was that?” Not wanting to expose his daughter to sex at such a tender age, and having no way of explaining the horrible act thathad transpired in the car ahead, he replies, “Itwas only a bug, honey.”

The daughter gets a confusedlook on her face, and after a minute she says, “It surehad a big dick!”

HALLMARK CARDS ARE MAKING–Hallmark is making a Christmas tree ornament this year of noneother than HARLEY BARBIE. They come out next month and I telephoned afew stores to reserve one for Rosalie and discovered they are sellingout fast. A couple of stores in Vancouver are already sold out…

Contact your Hallmark store NOW if you want one. In Canada they cost$19.95.

HAMSTER GETS ROLL WITH WILLIS–Check this link out and scroll down to back issues library, type in Sept. 16, 2000, and go to the article Gresham Man Rides Harley into role of new Bruce Willis movie, The Outlook Online – Gresham, East Multnomah County and Oregon news. Skip Pillow, a Hamster from Oregon, is in the movie as a “featured extra.” Check it out.

THE CHIEF STAYS HOT–The deal with Fox 2000 to adapt Sonny’s autobiography for a major motion picture was the buzz in Hollywood last week, and you can read all about it and the players on the new movie page athttp://sonnybarger.com/nav_movie.html

THUNDER OVER DIXIE, GONE INTERNATIONAL–That’s the ticket. The ride that will take riders on a dealer-to-dealer, rocking country-western music run from Nashville to Biketoberfest now has sign-ups from Canada. Other riders are splitting from California to meet up with the Cajun Crawl out of Nashville. If you want the ride of a lifetime, contact the former editor of Big Twin at (949) 645-8036, or head over to Thunderoverdixie.com for more info.

MINNESOTA VIKINGS HOOK UP WITH VICTORY–A new American motorcycle will lead the Vikings to Victory this season. At the season opener, Victory Motorcycles announced its new rough and tumble sponsorship of the Minnesota Vikings with traditional biker style.

Former Vikings’ greats and motorcycle enthusiasts Carl Eller and Jim Marshall, along with Polaris CEO Tom Tiller and Vikings mascot Ragnar, led the team onto the field riding four thundering Victory motorcycles. One was painted Viking colors purple and gold.”Victory Motorcycles is proud to be a bike leading the Vikings onto the field this season,” said Polaris Industry’s CEO Tom Tiller.

ESCAPE HATCH–So the misty night was creeping in on the harbor as I crawled quietly out of the sack and crept down the hall to the Bikernet galley where the window over the sink gave me a panoramic view of the side street. It was quiet and dark and no one was roaming the street. We have a number of vagrants and homeless that meander the seaside avenues of Pedro. There are druggies, bums and escaped prisoners stealing bicycles from kids to get the hell out of dodge, but they always come back. I didn’t see a thing until my bleary focus came upon the dark-haired one’s van park neatly against the curb. Someone was in her van. I couldn’t believe my eyes. The kid was working furiously over the steering wheel and cussing at the length of time it was taking him.

I dashed to the rear entrance of the headquarters but security is high and it was locked. I made my way to the front and it was locked also. I scrambled for the key, then to a cabinet for a gun. It’s mandatory at headquarters that a loaded weapon is located in every closet, drawer and cubbyhole. In my boxers, I scrambled into the street. The kid was still fumbling madly over the steering column and I aimed the gun at the windshield. The weapon was cocked. I could have made that kid a salami sandwich in a split second, but chose to raise the weapon skyward and fire. The kid sat up straight as a rail and looked at me like his mom had just caught him with his hand in the cash drawer. He jumped from the cab and raised his arms skyward. “I was just looking for a place to sleep,” he shouted.

That pissed me off. The sonuvabitch was caught red-handed, why couldn’t he just admit that he was fucked instead of lie. “You lying mutha-fucker,” I said as I lowered the site to the center of his young gangsta features and cocked the weapon again.

Well, I’m currently under investigation by the San Pedro Police Department. So tell me, what would you do if you caught someone stealing your car? Shoot ’em, arrest ’em, let ’em go? Run and call the cops? Chase ’em around the car with a baseball bat? Tie ’em to the bumper and drive to the cop shop to turn ’em in? And maybe you jailhouse lawyers will know the answer to this: What does the book say you should do? Quietly pull the shades, call the local law enforcement and pace the kitchen hoping that the cops will come before your vehicle leaves?Your Shot

Send your suggestions to the Free Bandit Fund. In the meantime, if you’re in Southern California this weekend, don’t miss the Al Martinez Custom Bike and Truck Show in Irvine, Calif. Ride forever–Bandit