September 9, 2001
By Robin Technologies |
Damn, what a morning. Rumor has it that another motorcycle Web site will be launched in the near future, and we might be involved. We’ve busted our asses here, but if you see something we can do to improve Bikernet or the Cantina, don’t hesitate to let us know.
If you haven’t read your Whoroscope recently, better check it out.
Guns Don’t Kill. . .People Do
I thought you all would like to see the real figures from Down Under. It has now been 12 months since gun owners in Australia were forced by a new law to surrender 640,381 personal firearms to be destroyed by our own government, a program costing Australia taxpayers more than $500 million.
The first year results are now in: Australia-wide, homicides are up 3.2 percent; Australia-wide, assaults are up 8.6 percent; Australia-wide, armed robberies are up 44 percent (yes, 44 percent!) In the state of Victoria alone, homicides with firearms are now up 300 percent. (Note that while the law-abiding citizens turned them in, the criminals did not and criminals still possess their guns!).
38 DAYS TO BIKETOBERFEST IN DAYTONA BEACH
Sunday Night – See Daytona Bike Week on TV (yes, again)… See Henry Jordan of BikeWeekReport.com on TV (yes, again). I’ll be on The Learning Channel (TLC) at 9 p.m. EST on Sept. 9. The name of the show is “Daytona’s Motorcycle Madness” and my interview starts about 10 minutes into the show. The show is about Bike Week in Daytona Beach… tell your friends to tune in.
“Daytona’s Motorcycle Madness” on TLC: http://tlc.discovery.com/schedule/episode.jsp?episode=553189000
–Rogue
Not Sure I Got This One
Yes, Class A declined in the States as your H-D Class C piece describes. However, in the rest of the world, Class A is king, from Speedway to Grasstrack and Longtrack. Pictured is me on my Antig 250 Bultaco, currently the only one in the States.
Cheers,
Malcolm
http://www.xtremesport.org
Sotheby’s Going Down For The Count
This is hot and dangerous news from a reliable source. If you’re an antique motorcycle collector or dealer you may do business with the company above. Rumor has is that they are going out of business and the owner is in Europe trying to escape the Feds.
Might be a good idea to keep your bikes away from these guys.
Birthday Blues From ’77
?????Attached is a scan of the title page for “Happy Birthday Blues” from Choppers Magazine, circa 1977. This is one of the stories I mention in the Bob Bitchin feature (soon to be published on Bikernet). The tale was a down-to-earth look at being a biker in that era. It really connected with me for some reason… I felt that it would be possible for me to write similar stuff. In a strange way, my newspaper ‘career’ was born out of this. ????? ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
…………..Rod
Click For Larger .pdf View
Be there for the hottest drag race of the year. Hell, you can even get hitched quick in Las Vegas.–Bandit
On Fabric Softener
My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me (sniff) and saying “Married” (walk off). That’s how they mark their territory. You can take off the ring, but it’s hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.
Fuckin’ eh Bandit!
Does the goddamned thing have to jump out of the screen and hit you on the head? In the right hand column it says “FREE HARDTAIL” – it’s right there, man, under “Free Premier Issue”…
So run something in the news with the following link:
Yes, motherfucker, it does.–Bandit
Dallas ER Shovelhead Project
Watch for a report on this project on the site in the next week. It’s also featured in the recent Easyriders.
That’s it
I’m hitting the road to work out for the second time since my bout with the deer. Then we’re going to a hot rod extravaganza 10 miles from here, in Long Beach.
Next week we put together another article on the Shovelhead above that’s being built at the Dallas Easyriders. The brother who is doing most of the fab work, Jim, is laid up at home waiting for an opening on the operating table for a serious duking with the knife. I wish him the best. Let’s ride, Bandit.
September 2, 2001
By Robin Technologies |
Hey, happy Labor Day. If you work, be proud of what you do. That’s a key issue to life in general. Since we spend most of our lives working, better make the best of every minute or move on to something that rocks your world. Go after what you love. A strong example is the girl above who was asked by the factory to register her nipples and seek a licensing agreement with H-D to have Harley-Davidson nipples. We will keep you posted as negotiations proceed.
Cantina Language Lessons
English . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I Love You
Spanish . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Te Amo
French . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Je T’aime
German . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . lch Liebe Dich
Japanese . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ai Shite Imasu
Italian . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ti Amo
Chinese . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Wo Ai Ni
Swedish . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jag Alskar
Alabama, Arkansas, Oklahoma, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, Missouri, Mississippi, West Virginia and Kentucky . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Nice Tits
Bikernet Bike Show Winner Response
Holy Shi****! Thanks so much for the e-mail! And thanks for choosing my bike. I’ve been to a few bike shows and all these 40K-plus scoots have been bringing home trophies. Thank you, thank you, thank you! It’s nice to know some people still appreciate a classic!
–Pete
New Wide Tire Kit Available From Europe
Check the tech news in the Bikernet Garage or in the Avon Department. They make several kits for Softails.
New York Bartenders Review Samples
Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman’s personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The results:
Drink: Beer Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth. Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.
Drink: Blender Drinks Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the buttocks. Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.
A sunset at Parks Bay, Shaw Island, near where our famous Web heathen resides in the state of Washington
Film Reports Update–Staff Member Involved
I’ve been meaning to mention that I went to the section of your site called the “projector room” and watched the movie trailer with you in it. Then I went to the section about the cast. I saw that many of them were in the movie “A Leonard Cohen Afterworld.” Well get this – so was I. I was an extra in the biker bar scene. Of course, it’s not out yet, and who knows if I’ll even be visible, but it was a fun two days work for really good pay way back in the summer of ’99. My bike got paid more than I did!
I was sitting at the table next to the four actors. One of them is in a fight, and stumbles over to the table right next to me.?
Fun stuff, Maynard!
–Helen Wolfe, Bikernet Drag Racing Editor
Babe Restricts Bandit’s Riding
Well! Carly said that she would rather have you around no matter how many other women you see. She told me to tell you that:
1. no riding at night
2. no speeds over 50
3. no hitting deer
4. no killing deer
5. be around to come to her wedding in November I just do what she says!
Take care, heal, see you later brother!
Last night she didn’t mention gettin’ hitched. Damn!
Cantina Road Rage Saga
Here’s a doozy for road rage: SHREWSBURY, CONN.–A car passes two women riding a motorcycle and allegedly one of the women flips the guy off. The clown chases them off the road into a parking lot, gets an aluminum bat from the trunk of his car and proceeds to whack them around.
One gal tried to protect herself with her helmet and he smashed it with the bat. Both women were hurt but refused medical aid. The cops arrested the nut at his home. Moral of this story is be careful who you flip a bird to. WOW!
I would suggest packing something else.
Bikernet Motorcycle Deal Of The Week Would you like to own a bit of biker Americana? Here’s your chance to be evnied by almost every other Harley rider. Sonny Barger, legendary leader of the Hells Angels Motorcycle Club, is selling his 2000 Road King. Yup, the man himself.?
Sonny?will ceremoniously turn over the keys and title to the new owner in Phoenix, Ariz. You can have your picture taken with Sonny as you take posession of the bike he road across America for the signing tour of his book, “Hells Angel, the Life and Times of Sonny Barger.”
September 2, 2001
By Robin Technologies |
Hey, happy Labor Day. If you work, be proud of what you do. That’s a key issue to life in general. Since we spend most of our lives working, better make the best of every minute or move on to something that rocks your world. Go after what you love. A strong example is the girl above who was asked by the factory to register her nipples and seek a licensing agreement with H-D to have Harley-Davidson nipples. We will keep you posted as negotiations proceed.
Cantina Language Lessons
English . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I Love You
Spanish . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Te Amo
French . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Je T’aime
German . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . lch Liebe Dich
Japanese . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ai Shite Imasu
Italian . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ti Amo
Chinese . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Wo Ai Ni
Swedish . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jag Alskar
Alabama, Arkansas, Oklahoma, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, Missouri, Mississippi, West Virginia and Kentucky . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Nice Tits
Bikernet Bike Show Winner Response
Holy Shi****! Thanks so much for the e-mail! And thanks for choosing my bike. I’ve been to a few bike shows and all these 40K-plus scoots have been bringing home trophies. Thank you, thank you, thank you! It’s nice to know some people still appreciate a classic!
–Pete
New Wide Tire Kit Available From Europe
Check the tech news in the Bikernet Garage or in the Avon Department. They make several kits for Softails.
New York Bartenders Review Samples
Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman’s personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The results:
Drink: Beer Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth. Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.
Drink: Blender Drinks Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the buttocks. Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.
A sunset at Parks Bay, Shaw Island, near where our famous Web heathen resides in the state of Washington
Film Reports Update–Staff Member Involved
I’ve been meaning to mention that I went to the section of your site called the “projector room” and watched the movie trailer with you in it. Then I went to the section about the cast. I saw that many of them were in the movie “A Leonard Cohen Afterworld.” Well get this – so was I. I was an extra in the biker bar scene. Of course, it’s not out yet, and who knows if I’ll even be visible, but it was a fun two days work for really good pay way back in the summer of ’99. My bike got paid more than I did!
I was sitting at the table next to the four actors. One of them is in a fight, and stumbles over to the table right next to me.?
Fun stuff, Maynard!
–Helen Wolfe, Bikernet Drag Racing Editor
Babe Restricts Bandit’s Riding
Well! Carly said that she would rather have you around no matter how many other women you see. She told me to tell you that:
1. no riding at night
2. no speeds over 50
3. no hitting deer
4. no killing deer
5. be around to come to her wedding in November I just do what she says!
Take care, heal, see you later brother!
Last night she didn’t mention gettin’ hitched. Damn!
Cantina Road Rage Saga
Here’s a doozy for road rage: SHREWSBURY, CONN.–A car passes two women riding a motorcycle and allegedly one of the women flips the guy off. The clown chases them off the road into a parking lot, gets an aluminum bat from the trunk of his car and proceeds to whack them around.
One gal tried to protect herself with her helmet and he smashed it with the bat. Both women were hurt but refused medical aid. The cops arrested the nut at his home. Moral of this story is be careful who you flip a bird to. WOW!
I would suggest packing something else.
Bikernet Motorcycle Deal Of The Week Would you like to own a bit of biker Americana? Here’s your chance to be evnied by almost every other Harley rider. Sonny Barger, legendary leader of the Hells Angels Motorcycle Club, is selling his 2000 Road King. Yup, the man himself.?
Sonny?will ceremoniously turn over the keys and title to the new owner in Phoenix, Ariz. You can have your picture taken with Sonny as you take posession of the bike he road across America for the signing tour of his book, “Hells Angel, the Life and Times of Sonny Barger.”
August 26, 2001
By Robin Technologies |
Yes, just released today is Bandit’s new ride for next year. This is a sample of the basic design, based on his injuries this year. You will see the construction take place as the saga unfolds.
–Renegade
Now if Bandit could have done a wheelie like this on his Buell, he’d have gone right OVER that damn deer! (Robert Wegman, ET 496 at SIR, July 1st)
The All Harley Drag Racing Association – AHDRA – presents the NORTHWEST NATIONALS at Woodburn, Ore., (30 miles south of Portland on I-5) on Sept. 8-9.
I’ll be there taking pictures and enjoying the ground- pounding vibration. If you haven’t experienced it yet, give it a try. Woodburn is a favorite track of many racers and it is easy for spectators to get close to the bikes and racers in the pits. Entry fee always includes a pit pass.
The Digitalis Gangsteritis and I have finally completed the points database. I take the points info provided by AHDRA and show the results of each race instead of only the year-to-date totals. Lisa Hegler of AHDRA has been very cooperative on this and has even extended a trade – Bikernet’s banner will appear on their homepage to guide folks to the points page and vice versa. Check out their site at www.AHDRA.com for schedules and directions to races and much more.
–Helen Wolfe
The Nasty Parrot
Jimmy received a parrot for Christmas. The parrot was fully grown, with a very bad attitude and worse vocabulary.
Every other word was an expletive; those that weren’t expletives were, to say the least, rude. Jimmy tried to change the bird’s attitude by constantly saying polite words, playing soft music … anything he could think of. Nothing worked.
He yelled at the bird, and the bird got worse. He shook the bird, and the bird got madder and more rude.
Finally, in a moment of desperation, Jimmy put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird swearing, squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, there was absolute quiet.
Jimmy was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird, and?quickly opened the freezer door.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto Jimmy’s extended arm and said, “I’m sorry that I offended you with my language and my actions, and I ask your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior.”
Jimmy was astounded at the changes in the bird’s attitude and was about to ask what had changed him when the parrot continued, “May I ask what the chicken did?”
Why don’t you look at my face anymore?
Horse Looking For Ad Salesperson Advertising sales manager needed for an established international motorcycle magazine. Responsibilities include new ad sales, billing and managing ad reps…Great opportunity, commission plus…Must have previous motorcycle advertising sales experience. Call (561) 394-5353 or (810) 292-5993
Web Harley Launched At Sturgis
Launched just in time for Sturgis 2001, WebHarley.com provides Harley-Davidson owners with an “all Harley all the time” directory. Whether you’re looking for a chrome plater or a pair of custom handlebars, WebHarley.com breaks it down by zip code and region. Just enter a vendor’s name and we can find them. Harley-only retailers/dealers are invited to list their business in our directories. Find it now in one spot, no need to go anywhere else. Sign up on our mailing lists, it’s free!
A Recent Study Found Out Which Days Men Prefer To Have Sex
It was found that men prefer to engage in sexual activity on the days that started with the letter “T” . . ..
Example of those days are:
Tuesday
Thursday
Thanksgiving
Today
Tomorrow
Thaturday and
Thunday
–Rogue
One Reason Bikers Don’t Like Floods
In Long Beach, Calif., residents pitched a bitch to the city council about the loud bikes cruising through the Belmont Shore area. Instead of fucking with all-American bikers, they should be grateful that sharks are not bursting out of the storm drains of their beach community and attacking their neighbors.
We need to make it perfectly clear to our country that loud pipes are magnificent, they save lives and represent the spirit of freedom in America. Perhaps the riders of Long Beach should run to the council and demand that all foreigners be pulled over and have their insurance cards checked, that all crappy-looking cages be banned from the roads, that all compacts crowding the highways be eliminated and that people who would rather speak on their cell phones than use their turn signals be immediately shot.
What’s happening to America? Let’s ride forever, anyway–Renegade
August 26, 2001
By Robin Technologies |
Yes, just released today is Bandit’s new ride for next year. This is a sample of the basic design, based on his injuries this year. You will see the construction take place as the saga unfolds.
–Renegade
Now if Bandit could have done a wheelie like this on his Buell, he’d have gone right OVER that damn deer! (Robert Wegman, ET 496 at SIR, July 1st)
The All Harley Drag Racing Association – AHDRA – presents the NORTHWEST NATIONALS at Woodburn, Ore., (30 miles south of Portland on I-5) on Sept. 8-9.
I’ll be there taking pictures and enjoying the ground- pounding vibration. If you haven’t experienced it yet, give it a try. Woodburn is a favorite track of many racers and it is easy for spectators to get close to the bikes and racers in the pits. Entry fee always includes a pit pass.
The Digitalis Gangsteritis and I have finally completed the points database. I take the points info provided by AHDRA and show the results of each race instead of only the year-to-date totals. Lisa Hegler of AHDRA has been very cooperative on this and has even extended a trade – Bikernet’s banner will appear on their homepage to guide folks to the points page and vice versa. Check out their site at www.AHDRA.com for schedules and directions to races and much more.
–Helen Wolfe
The Nasty Parrot
Jimmy received a parrot for Christmas. The parrot was fully grown, with a very bad attitude and worse vocabulary.
Every other word was an expletive; those that weren’t expletives were, to say the least, rude. Jimmy tried to change the bird’s attitude by constantly saying polite words, playing soft music … anything he could think of. Nothing worked.
He yelled at the bird, and the bird got worse. He shook the bird, and the bird got madder and more rude.
Finally, in a moment of desperation, Jimmy put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird swearing, squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, there was absolute quiet.
Jimmy was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird, and?quickly opened the freezer door.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto Jimmy’s extended arm and said, “I’m sorry that I offended you with my language and my actions, and I ask your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior.”
Jimmy was astounded at the changes in the bird’s attitude and was about to ask what had changed him when the parrot continued, “May I ask what the chicken did?”
Why don’t you look at my face anymore?
Horse Looking For Ad Salesperson Advertising sales manager needed for an established international motorcycle magazine. Responsibilities include new ad sales, billing and managing ad reps…Great opportunity, commission plus…Must have previous motorcycle advertising sales experience. Call (561) 394-5353 or (810) 292-5993
Web Harley Launched At Sturgis
Launched just in time for Sturgis 2001, WebHarley.com provides Harley-Davidson owners with an “all Harley all the time” directory. Whether you’re looking for a chrome plater or a pair of custom handlebars, WebHarley.com breaks it down by zip code and region. Just enter a vendor’s name and we can find them. Harley-only retailers/dealers are invited to list their business in our directories. Find it now in one spot, no need to go anywhere else. Sign up on our mailing lists, it’s free!
A Recent Study Found Out Which Days Men Prefer To Have Sex
It was found that men prefer to engage in sexual activity on the days that started with the letter “T” . . ..
Example of those days are:
Tuesday
Thursday
Thanksgiving
Today
Tomorrow
Thaturday and
Thunday
–Rogue
One Reason Bikers Don’t Like Floods
In Long Beach, Calif., residents pitched a bitch to the city council about the loud bikes cruising through the Belmont Shore area. Instead of fucking with all-American bikers, they should be grateful that sharks are not bursting out of the storm drains of their beach community and attacking their neighbors.
We need to make it perfectly clear to our country that loud pipes are magnificent, they save lives and represent the spirit of freedom in America. Perhaps the riders of Long Beach should run to the council and demand that all foreigners be pulled over and have their insurance cards checked, that all crappy-looking cages be banned from the roads, that all compacts crowding the highways be eliminated and that people who would rather speak on their cell phones than use their turn signals be immediately shot.
What’s happening to America? Let’s ride forever, anyway–Renegade
August 19, 2001
By Robin Technologies |
Just before Bandit was strapped into a wheelchair, the brain surgeon took our morale officer, Dr. Ladd Terry, aside. “If, for any reason, Bandit has severe headaches or acts wacky, take him immediately to an ER!” The look on his face was so stern that the Vietnam veteran asked if he could carry a k-bar blade on the plane. His palms sweaty, Terry pushed the rusting wheelchair aboard the plane and requested that Bandit be handcuffed to his seat.
Upon arrival, the good doctor kept smiling. But he pulled Layla, Sin Wu and Coral aside and warned them of the possibilities. Bandit seemed OK, except for the violent redfreak stare in his eyes. Little did the doctor know what would happen if Bandit was handcuffed to the bed that night with the three women in the headquarters…
Determining the actual definition of “wacky” has been increasingly difficult. For instance, Bandit is suggesting that we develop a T-shirt using the above art… Sin Wu sat on the dining room table spread eagle and demanded that Bandit eat her for lunch. When he requested food, she threatened to take him to emergency. We better read the news carefully because some of the items were submitted by Bandit:
Just think what I could do with a digital camera that takes up to 30-second movies with sound! Most Pro runs last about 30 seconds from burnout to finish if everything’s going right. Even a 10-second burnout or wheelie would be very cool. I sent this one into freedom film already.
–Helen
Bikernet Drag Racing Correspondent
Enter To Win Custom
Roaming Roosters of roamingroosters.com is offering a custom-built motorcycle sweepstakes packet for $30. You can win a bike, $500 cash or $100 cash. The packet includes a free motorcycle sweepstakes T-shirt, an entry form for the drawing and info about Roaming Roosters Inc. Check it out.
Bandit’s New Project Bike
How about I ride this with a full-faced helmet to Sturgis next year? Imagine the girls I could pick up. Hell, my mother might actually approve of one of my bikes at last.–Bandit
Sunday Post Discovers Pentagon Retirement Plan
The Pentagon recently found it had too many generals and offered them an early retirement bonus. They promised that any general who retired early would receive his full annual benefits plus $10,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points on the general’s body. The general would get to select any pair of points he wished. The first man, an Army general, accepted. He asked the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. The measurement was 6 feet. He walked out with a check for $720,000.
The second man, an Air Force general, asked them to measure from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. The measurement was 8 feet. He walked out with a check for $960,000.
When the third general, a grizzled old Marine, was asked where to measure, he told the pension man “From the tip of my penis to the bottom of my testicles.” The pension man suggested that perhaps the Marine general might like to reconsider, pointing out the nice checks the previous two generals had received. The Marine insisted, and the pension expert said that this would be fine but that he’d better get the medical officer to do the measuring. The medical officer attended and asked the general to drop ’em. He did. The medical officer placed the tape on the tip of the general’s penis and began to work back. “My God!” he said. “Where are your testicles?” The general replied, “In Vietnam.”
Rally Worth Checking
Cherokee Choppers Fall Bike Rally and Swap Meet Sept. 7-9, 1335 Wolf Town Road, Cherokee, N.C. Live bands–Twist of Fate, Smokey Mountain Express and more. Appearances by The LaFons Top Fuel and Junior Drag Race Team. Games at 4 p.m. Sat., bike show at noon Sat., with judging at 3 p.m. For details and vendor registration, call Bob Parker, (828) 497-2779 (or 9274). Entry is $10 per person all weekend. Gates open at 10 a.m.
Flamed Pipes In Action
This new set of pipes was covered in the Thursday Bikernet News, but we had to test a set for ourselves. Here’s that flame pipe on my Panhead last night.
–Teddy Bear
Vehicle Deer Repeller–
This contraption, which mounts inside the front grill, generates an animal-repelling frequency 725 feet in front of the vehicle. On/off/auto switch can be set to activate at 30 or 50 mph. Includes mounting bracket and hardware; weather resistant. $29.99.
–from Earl for Bandit
Motorcycles Are Dangerous
Just heard from Tabasco Bob that a local Bandido who has been getting lots of shirts and banners through us got hit on his bike by an old lady coming out of my local Safeway on 38th Street. He dislocated his shoulder and hurt his neck, but his “Tabasco” bike was totaled. She tried to say she didn’t see him (she was turning one way and looking another) and then said he was speeding. The cop asked her how she knew he was speeding if she didn’t see him. He said he was going slow due to the new gravel and he didn’t want to wreck his new paint. She’ll be maiming someone else next week.
Just heard about an ABATE member on a trike who died yesterday after a drunk sideswiped him.
Heard about a couple who owns a bike shop getting hit on the way back from Sturgis.
This Sunday we almost witnessed a sideswiping hit and run while waiting for our dinner on Hood Canal. Kid didn’t have a license or insurance.
Michael T. just got out of the hospital with five broken ribs from ass-ending a car that was definitely at fault.
I hope all you guys heal completely. It seems there’s a lot of suffering going on.
On a lighter note: Tabasco wanted to know if that “great hug” he gave me last week out on the sidewalk (for the benefit of the punks across the street) had worked. I told him yes, it had. And another biker had come in a half hour later with his “finger” cap on too while they were still around. I believe it had some effect.
Sorry to sound so negative. It just seems there’s a rash of shit happening around me.
–Helen
Where did he put his finger?–Bandit
Rodeo Position Two cowboys are out on the range talking about their favorite sex positions.
One says, “I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best.”
“I don’t think I have ever heard of that one,” says the other cowboy. “What is it?”
“Well, it’s when you get your mate down on all fours and you mount her from behind. You then reach around and cup each one of her breasts in your hands and then you whisper in her ear, ‘Boy, these feel just like your sister’s,’ and then you try to hold on for 8 seconds.”
HORSE/Back Street Choppers
The HORSE is making good progress on its road to rehabilitation, capturing in print enough fine chops and sassy commentary to rekindle the flames of how you think you remembered it used to be back in ‘those days.’
–John Siebenthaler, creative services
Sunday Post Out
If we get any more art like this for T-shirts, Bandit may be put away for some time, if we can find him. Seems every time he comes up with something the girls don’t like, they handcuff him to a bed or the wheelchair and drag him away or close the bedroom door for hours.
–Renegade
August 19, 2001
By Robin Technologies |
Just before Bandit was strapped into a wheelchair, the brain surgeon took our morale officer, Dr. Ladd Terry, aside. “If, for any reason, Bandit has severe headaches or acts wacky, take him immediately to an ER!” The look on his face was so stern that the Vietnam veteran asked if he could carry a k-bar blade on the plane. His palms sweaty, Terry pushed the rusting wheelchair aboard the plane and requested that Bandit be handcuffed to his seat.
Upon arrival, the good doctor kept smiling. But he pulled Layla, Sin Wu and Coral aside and warned them of the possibilities. Bandit seemed OK, except for the violent redfreak stare in his eyes. Little did the doctor know what would happen if Bandit was handcuffed to the bed that night with the three women in the headquarters…
Determining the actual definition of “wacky” has been increasingly difficult. For instance, Bandit is suggesting that we develop a T-shirt using the above art… Sin Wu sat on the dining room table spread eagle and demanded that Bandit eat her for lunch. When he requested food, she threatened to take him to emergency. We better read the news carefully because some of the items were submitted by Bandit:
Just think what I could do with a digital camera that takes up to 30-second movies with sound! Most Pro runs last about 30 seconds from burnout to finish if everything’s going right. Even a 10-second burnout or wheelie would be very cool. I sent this one into freedom film already.
–Helen
Bikernet Drag Racing Correspondent
Enter To Win Custom
Roaming Roosters of roamingroosters.com is offering a custom-built motorcycle sweepstakes packet for $30. You can win a bike, $500 cash or $100 cash. The packet includes a free motorcycle sweepstakes T-shirt, an entry form for the drawing and info about Roaming Roosters Inc. Check it out.
Bandit’s New Project Bike
How about I ride this with a full-faced helmet to Sturgis next year? Imagine the girls I could pick up. Hell, my mother might actually approve of one of my bikes at last.–Bandit
Sunday Post Discovers Pentagon Retirement Plan
The Pentagon recently found it had too many generals and offered them an early retirement bonus. They promised that any general who retired early would receive his full annual benefits plus $10,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points on the general’s body. The general would get to select any pair of points he wished. The first man, an Army general, accepted. He asked the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. The measurement was 6 feet. He walked out with a check for $720,000.
The second man, an Air Force general, asked them to measure from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. The measurement was 8 feet. He walked out with a check for $960,000.
When the third general, a grizzled old Marine, was asked where to measure, he told the pension man “From the tip of my penis to the bottom of my testicles.” The pension man suggested that perhaps the Marine general might like to reconsider, pointing out the nice checks the previous two generals had received. The Marine insisted, and the pension expert said that this would be fine but that he’d better get the medical officer to do the measuring. The medical officer attended and asked the general to drop ’em. He did. The medical officer placed the tape on the tip of the general’s penis and began to work back. “My God!” he said. “Where are your testicles?” The general replied, “In Vietnam.”
Rally Worth Checking
Cherokee Choppers Fall Bike Rally and Swap Meet Sept. 7-9, 1335 Wolf Town Road, Cherokee, N.C. Live bands–Twist of Fate, Smokey Mountain Express and more. Appearances by The LaFons Top Fuel and Junior Drag Race Team. Games at 4 p.m. Sat., bike show at noon Sat., with judging at 3 p.m. For details and vendor registration, call Bob Parker, (828) 497-2779 (or 9274). Entry is $10 per person all weekend. Gates open at 10 a.m.
Flamed Pipes In Action
This new set of pipes was covered in the Thursday Bikernet News, but we had to test a set for ourselves. Here’s that flame pipe on my Panhead last night.
–Teddy Bear
Vehicle Deer Repeller–
This contraption, which mounts inside the front grill, generates an animal-repelling frequency 725 feet in front of the vehicle. On/off/auto switch can be set to activate at 30 or 50 mph. Includes mounting bracket and hardware; weather resistant. $29.99.
–from Earl for Bandit
Motorcycles Are Dangerous
Just heard from Tabasco Bob that a local Bandido who has been getting lots of shirts and banners through us got hit on his bike by an old lady coming out of my local Safeway on 38th Street. He dislocated his shoulder and hurt his neck, but his “Tabasco” bike was totaled. She tried to say she didn’t see him (she was turning one way and looking another) and then said he was speeding. The cop asked her how she knew he was speeding if she didn’t see him. He said he was going slow due to the new gravel and he didn’t want to wreck his new paint. She’ll be maiming someone else next week.
Just heard about an ABATE member on a trike who died yesterday after a drunk sideswiped him.
Heard about a couple who owns a bike shop getting hit on the way back from Sturgis.
This Sunday we almost witnessed a sideswiping hit and run while waiting for our dinner on Hood Canal. Kid didn’t have a license or insurance.
Michael T. just got out of the hospital with five broken ribs from ass-ending a car that was definitely at fault.
I hope all you guys heal completely. It seems there’s a lot of suffering going on.
On a lighter note: Tabasco wanted to know if that “great hug” he gave me last week out on the sidewalk (for the benefit of the punks across the street) had worked. I told him yes, it had. And another biker had come in a half hour later with his “finger” cap on too while they were still around. I believe it had some effect.
Sorry to sound so negative. It just seems there’s a rash of shit happening around me.
–Helen
Where did he put his finger?–Bandit
Rodeo Position Two cowboys are out on the range talking about their favorite sex positions.
One says, “I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best.”
“I don’t think I have ever heard of that one,” says the other cowboy. “What is it?”
“Well, it’s when you get your mate down on all fours and you mount her from behind. You then reach around and cup each one of her breasts in your hands and then you whisper in her ear, ‘Boy, these feel just like your sister’s,’ and then you try to hold on for 8 seconds.”
HORSE/Back Street Choppers
The HORSE is making good progress on its road to rehabilitation, capturing in print enough fine chops and sassy commentary to rekindle the flames of how you think you remembered it used to be back in ‘those days.’
–John Siebenthaler, creative services
Sunday Post Out
If we get any more art like this for T-shirts, Bandit may be put away for some time, if we can find him. Seems every time he comes up with something the girls don’t like, they handcuff him to a bed or the wheelchair and drag him away or close the bedroom door for hours.
–Renegade
August 12, 2001 Part 2
By Robin Technologies |
Continued From Page 1
HARLEY-DAVIDSON PREPARES TO CELEBRATE ITS 100TH ANNIVERSARY …AND INVITES THE WORLD
Global Birthday Bash Brings the Party to the Four Corners of the Earth … And back to Milwaukee. When Harley-Davidson throws a party, Milwaukee rumbles. When the company celebrates 100 years of the world’s greatest motorcycles — the earth will shake. To make sure no one is left out, Harley-Davidson announced today that its 100th anniversary will be a year-long celebration that spans the globe, visiting several continents and numerous cities before culminating in the party of the century in Milwaukee, Wis., on Aug. 31, 2003. And everyone, Harley owners to Harley dreamers, is invited to attend.
Immediately following Harley-Davidson’s dealer meeting in Milwaukee in July 2002, where more than 6,000 dealership owners and staff will get a sneak peek at the 100th anniversary motorcycles, the Motor Company plans to fire up its “Open Road Tour,” a rolling birthday party with stops in the United States, Mexico, Australia, Europe and Japan. In summer 2003, the festivities move back to the United States. Riders from around the world will saddle up for their trek to Wisconsin, called The Ride Home, where they’ll take part in four days of festivities in and around Milwaukee. Through this activity, along with Harley-Davidson dealer-sponsored events, riders will work together with the company to raise funds for the Muscular Dystrophy Association.
“I’m sure my grandfather and his brothers never dreamed that in just 100 years, the entire world would be celebrating the birth of Harley-Davidson motorcycles,” said Willie G. Davidson, vice president of styling and grandson of one of the Motor Company’s founding fathers.
The deep roots of the Harley-Davidson legend began in 1903, in a 10-by-15 foot shed in the Davidson family backyard. Together with family friend William S. Harley, the Davidson brothers (William D., Walter and Arthur) crafted their first motorcycle using the best available tools they had – their hands and ingenuity. Starting in 1903, they built three of the first model motorcycle, and the Harley-Davidson Motor Co. began its 100-year journey.
The Open Road Tour Following the dealer meeting in July 2002, the roar of Harley-Davidson will hit the open road during a series of traveling festivals across the globe. Beginning at four stops in North America, which are yet to be determined, the tour will then move south to Mexico. The tour will jump continents to Australia and Japan before wrapping up with two events in Europe during the summer of 2003.
“As a company we felt that we needed a full year of celebrations to ensure that all of the Harley-Davidson family around the globe could be a part of this historic occasion,” said Joanne Bischmann, vice president of marketing for Harley-Davidson. “The Open Road Tour allows us to carry the spirit of Harley-Davidson around the world.”
The Ride Home There is nothing better than coming home. Modeled after the Harley Owners Group (H.O.G.) touring rallies, the Motor Company will encourage enthusiasts from across North America to come home during four company-sponsored rides that will start at the four corners of the country to celebrate 100 years on the open road.
Over 200,000 people are expected to celebrate with Harley-Davidson during three-day festivals, which will include events in Milwaukee as well as other Wisconsin locations. These events will include entertainment, displays, food and, of course, lots of Harley-Davidson motorcycles. The events will take place Aug. 28, 2003, through Aug. 30, 2003. Tickets will be required for some of the activities. More information on locations, tickets and events will be available early next year.
The event to launch Harley-Davidson into the next 100 years will occur in Milwaukee’s Veteran’s Park on the shore of Lake Michigan on Aug. 31, 2003. It is expected to draw more than 200,000 people for one of the biggest birthday parties the world has ever seen. The free, main stage event will feature big-name, live entertainment and be the centerpiece of the year-long anniversary event.
“We are excited to share our heritage and the Harley-Davidson experience with all of our family and friends around the globe,” said Jeffrey Bleustein, chairman and chief executive officer of Harley-Davidson Inc. “I hope everyone can take part in this historic celebration.”
As information about the 100th becomes available to the public, it will be posted on a special section of the Harley-Davidson Web site, www.harley-davidson.com. The company has also established a 100th anniversary hotline at (800) HD100th (800-431-0084) or locally at (414) 343-4116.
Maximum Respect,
Don Crafts,
Motorcycle Online
Faster, harder & louder. Since 1965.
Damn Dude: Taint Nobody Told You Don’t Fuck Wit The Animals From The Woods?
Hey we are used to fucking with the ones on the street. That came with growin, but hitting critters with a bike is a losing deal. Well you are not the first one I know who has done that. Get well, take care of yourself and if you need me to do anything, let me know.
–ROGUE
The Bearded Shepheard–
An old, bearded shepherd with a crooked staff walked up to a stone pulpit and said, “And lo, it came to pass that the trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely and strong woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com.
And she said unto Abraham, her husband, “Why doth thou travel far, from town to town, with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?”
And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, “How, Dear?”
And Dot replied, “I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah’s Pony Stable (UPS).”
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had, at the top price, without ever moving from his tent. But this success did arouse envy. And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums, that no = one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William o Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land. And indeed did insist on making drums that would work only if you bought Brother Gates’ drumsticks.
And Dot did say, “Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others. “And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or as it came to be known “eBay,” he said, “we need a name that reflects what we are,” and Dot replied, “Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner-Operators”. “Whoopee!”, said Abraham
No, YAHOO!” said Dot Com.. . And that’s how it all began. It wasn’t Al Gore after all!
Hey Dixie Riders
Don’t panic, there’s nothing wrong……..I said that because this is the second e-mail from us in less than a week…we’ve been known to go for months without even saying hi, and now we’re bugging you twice in a week…what’s going on? Well, truthfully, since I didn’t get to go to Sturgis, I’ve been bored, so I thought I’d aggravate you for a while. Anybody want to buy the next round? No??
OK, here’s the real reason. I forgot to ask you for a few favors in the last e-mail. I had it all in my mind, (which is probably a mistake cause nothing ever lasts long in there!) and in walked Dixie Deb, Miss June Dixie Darling and vroom…my mind went blank…..well, not actually blank….but if you’ve seen the pictures of Deb, you’ll know what filled my mind….
Dang it, there I go again. Anyway, we’re working on a couple of upcoming stories and wanted to get your help. Dianne Gross is working on a story featuring older motorcycle riders. If you, or someone you know, (incidentally, I invented that phrase, but other people ripped it off) is an “older” rider, uh…say between 55 and 100, send us their e-mail address or tell them to e-mail us at We’re also working on a story about Tinnitus…no, he’s not some long-dead Roman emperor. It’s a condition that causes constant ringing in the ears……if you or someone you know has this condition, we’d like to talk to you…..e-mail or call us… We’ve taken the e-mail prompt off the site so now when you log on, the site won’t pop-up a window asking you to sign up for this newsletter. The aggravating little booger did its job because we’re now sending this e-mail notice to over 5000 of you, but truthfully that pop up window bugged the devil out of me when I visited the site so I know how some of you had to feel. But it’s gone and good riddance. In the past couple of days we’ve got the pictures from the July blowout at the Steel Horse Saloon (with the Dixie Rider Spud wrestling photos), Easyriders of Augusta’s grand opening, and other reader submitted photos up on the site. Click on this link…….. That’s it for now, and probably for?a while, unless some earth shattering event takes place. Ride safe and remember, we appreciate your feedback, but we appreciate your greenbacks even more!! –Scott Cochran, Editor The Extensive Code For Men To Live By Thou shall not rent Chocolat. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers. When you are queried by a buddy’s wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call bullshit. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent.) If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who’s running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddy’s refrigerator is forbidden. You may, however, gripe if the temperature is unsuitable. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. (In fact, even remembering a friend’s birthday is optional.) Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party. Before dating a buddy’s ex, you are required to ask his permission; and he, in return, is required to grant it. Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean. If a man’s zipper is down, that is his problem — you didn’t see nothin’. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer. A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend’s cat. Your girlfriend must bond with your buddy’s girlfriends within 30 minutes of meeting them. You are not required to make nice with her gal pals’ significant dick-heads – low-level sports bonding is all the law requires. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you’ll be able to warn your buddy and give him time prepare excuses about joining the priesthood. (Gas Warfare Act) you may flatuate in front of a woman only after you’ve brought her to climax. But if you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of entertainment, she’s officially your girlfriend. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach… and it’s delivered by a topless supermodel…and it’s free. Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight. If a buddy is outnumbered or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, “What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin,” then you may sit back and enjoy. Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos, ever. Issue closed. Bikernet Morale Officer Report From Wyoming ? Been outta town for a few days. ?The story goes like this… Seems the Bandit, Keith Ball, my friend in crimes against the Web, was roaring down Highway 20 at 90 mph, 10 godforsaken miles outside of Thermopolis, Wyo.?(Desolation is too decorative a word of description for Wyoming.) ? He had an invitation from a lady friend to come to Worland (about 125 miles north of Casper) to sign some of his novels for about 35 bikers. ?Riding back from the book signing, fate rolled the dice. ?It was a dark and dreary night; rain clouds threatened a deluge. ?Up ahead, the silhouette of a deer bolted across the highway. ?Rolling the right hand grip back, Bandit slowed to about 70. ?Just then, 2 feet ahead, Bambi sprang from the line of cottonwood trees. ?For a fragment of a second, in a ballet of venison, Bambi pirouetted in a furry plie with Bandit’s leather vest. ?And then? And then? eh, eh… And then, along came Jones…… ?And then, as best we can stitch together, out of the pile of mud and blood and leather and steel, that deer decided to ride with the Bandit. I was cutting wood that day in Pine Cove, near Idyllwild. ?The phone rang. ?”Bandit’s being helicoptered to the med center in Casper, Wyo.” ?I sprang. ?I was in Casper, Wyo., Sunday night. ?In the hospital’s ICU, Keith lay in a fuzzy haze of drugs and pain. ?He had sustained a major gash in the back of his head, a concussion, a hemorrhaging of the brain, a collapsed lung, broken ribs, a tube in his chest to suck out the blood around the collapsed lung, road rash on his right shoulder and arm, a major bruise on his hip and outside thigh, and assorted minor cuts and bruises. ?Inspite of all that carnage, the son of a bitch is a tiger. ?I stayed until Wednesday. ?Hustled into a wheelchair, Bandit’s journey home was exhausting but appreciated. ?He’s on the mend. ????? Scurvy News Released Hell, I know that the words are scattered, the subjects strewn to the wind, but what the fuck. I finished it in time to down a handful of pain pills and attempt sex into the evening. Have a great week–Bandit ???????????????????????????????????????????
August 12, 2001 Part 2
By Robin Technologies |
Continued From Page 1
HARLEY-DAVIDSON PREPARES TO CELEBRATE ITS 100TH ANNIVERSARY …AND INVITES THE WORLD
Global Birthday Bash Brings the Party to the Four Corners of the Earth … And back to Milwaukee. When Harley-Davidson throws a party, Milwaukee rumbles. When the company celebrates 100 years of the world’s greatest motorcycles — the earth will shake. To make sure no one is left out, Harley-Davidson announced today that its 100th anniversary will be a year-long celebration that spans the globe, visiting several continents and numerous cities before culminating in the party of the century in Milwaukee, Wis., on Aug. 31, 2003. And everyone, Harley owners to Harley dreamers, is invited to attend.
Immediately following Harley-Davidson’s dealer meeting in Milwaukee in July 2002, where more than 6,000 dealership owners and staff will get a sneak peek at the 100th anniversary motorcycles, the Motor Company plans to fire up its “Open Road Tour,” a rolling birthday party with stops in the United States, Mexico, Australia, Europe and Japan. In summer 2003, the festivities move back to the United States. Riders from around the world will saddle up for their trek to Wisconsin, called The Ride Home, where they’ll take part in four days of festivities in and around Milwaukee. Through this activity, along with Harley-Davidson dealer-sponsored events, riders will work together with the company to raise funds for the Muscular Dystrophy Association.
“I’m sure my grandfather and his brothers never dreamed that in just 100 years, the entire world would be celebrating the birth of Harley-Davidson motorcycles,” said Willie G. Davidson, vice president of styling and grandson of one of the Motor Company’s founding fathers.
The deep roots of the Harley-Davidson legend began in 1903, in a 10-by-15 foot shed in the Davidson family backyard. Together with family friend William S. Harley, the Davidson brothers (William D., Walter and Arthur) crafted their first motorcycle using the best available tools they had – their hands and ingenuity. Starting in 1903, they built three of the first model motorcycle, and the Harley-Davidson Motor Co. began its 100-year journey.
The Open Road Tour Following the dealer meeting in July 2002, the roar of Harley-Davidson will hit the open road during a series of traveling festivals across the globe. Beginning at four stops in North America, which are yet to be determined, the tour will then move south to Mexico. The tour will jump continents to Australia and Japan before wrapping up with two events in Europe during the summer of 2003.
“As a company we felt that we needed a full year of celebrations to ensure that all of the Harley-Davidson family around the globe could be a part of this historic occasion,” said Joanne Bischmann, vice president of marketing for Harley-Davidson. “The Open Road Tour allows us to carry the spirit of Harley-Davidson around the world.”
The Ride Home There is nothing better than coming home. Modeled after the Harley Owners Group (H.O.G.) touring rallies, the Motor Company will encourage enthusiasts from across North America to come home during four company-sponsored rides that will start at the four corners of the country to celebrate 100 years on the open road.
Over 200,000 people are expected to celebrate with Harley-Davidson during three-day festivals, which will include events in Milwaukee as well as other Wisconsin locations. These events will include entertainment, displays, food and, of course, lots of Harley-Davidson motorcycles. The events will take place Aug. 28, 2003, through Aug. 30, 2003. Tickets will be required for some of the activities. More information on locations, tickets and events will be available early next year.
The event to launch Harley-Davidson into the next 100 years will occur in Milwaukee’s Veteran’s Park on the shore of Lake Michigan on Aug. 31, 2003. It is expected to draw more than 200,000 people for one of the biggest birthday parties the world has ever seen. The free, main stage event will feature big-name, live entertainment and be the centerpiece of the year-long anniversary event.
“We are excited to share our heritage and the Harley-Davidson experience with all of our family and friends around the globe,” said Jeffrey Bleustein, chairman and chief executive officer of Harley-Davidson Inc. “I hope everyone can take part in this historic celebration.”
As information about the 100th becomes available to the public, it will be posted on a special section of the Harley-Davidson Web site, www.harley-davidson.com. The company has also established a 100th anniversary hotline at (800) HD100th (800-431-0084) or locally at (414) 343-4116.
Maximum Respect,
Don Crafts,
Motorcycle Online
Faster, harder & louder. Since 1965.
Damn Dude: Taint Nobody Told You Don’t Fuck Wit The Animals From The Woods?
Hey we are used to fucking with the ones on the street. That came with growin, but hitting critters with a bike is a losing deal. Well you are not the first one I know who has done that. Get well, take care of yourself and if you need me to do anything, let me know.
–ROGUE
The Bearded Shepheard–
An old, bearded shepherd with a crooked staff walked up to a stone pulpit and said, “And lo, it came to pass that the trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely and strong woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com.
And she said unto Abraham, her husband, “Why doth thou travel far, from town to town, with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?”
And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, “How, Dear?”
And Dot replied, “I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah’s Pony Stable (UPS).”
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had, at the top price, without ever moving from his tent. But this success did arouse envy. And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums, that no = one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William o Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land. And indeed did insist on making drums that would work only if you bought Brother Gates’ drumsticks.
And Dot did say, “Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others. “And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or as it came to be known “eBay,” he said, “we need a name that reflects what we are,” and Dot replied, “Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner-Operators”. “Whoopee!”, said Abraham
No, YAHOO!” said Dot Com.. . And that’s how it all began. It wasn’t Al Gore after all!
Hey Dixie Riders
Don’t panic, there’s nothing wrong……..I said that because this is the second e-mail from us in less than a week…we’ve been known to go for months without even saying hi, and now we’re bugging you twice in a week…what’s going on? Well, truthfully, since I didn’t get to go to Sturgis, I’ve been bored, so I thought I’d aggravate you for a while. Anybody want to buy the next round? No??
OK, here’s the real reason. I forgot to ask you for a few favors in the last e-mail. I had it all in my mind, (which is probably a mistake cause nothing ever lasts long in there!) and in walked Dixie Deb, Miss June Dixie Darling and vroom…my mind went blank…..well, not actually blank….but if you’ve seen the pictures of Deb, you’ll know what filled my mind….
Dang it, there I go again. Anyway, we’re working on a couple of upcoming stories and wanted to get your help. Dianne Gross is working on a story featuring older motorcycle riders. If you, or someone you know, (incidentally, I invented that phrase, but other people ripped it off) is an “older” rider, uh…say between 55 and 100, send us their e-mail address or tell them to e-mail us at We’re also working on a story about Tinnitus…no, he’s not some long-dead Roman emperor. It’s a condition that causes constant ringing in the ears……if you or someone you know has this condition, we’d like to talk to you…..e-mail or call us… We’ve taken the e-mail prompt off the site so now when you log on, the site won’t pop-up a window asking you to sign up for this newsletter. The aggravating little booger did its job because we’re now sending this e-mail notice to over 5000 of you, but truthfully that pop up window bugged the devil out of me when I visited the site so I know how some of you had to feel. But it’s gone and good riddance. In the past couple of days we’ve got the pictures from the July blowout at the Steel Horse Saloon (with the Dixie Rider Spud wrestling photos), Easyriders of Augusta’s grand opening, and other reader submitted photos up on the site. Click on this link…….. That’s it for now, and probably for?a while, unless some earth shattering event takes place. Ride safe and remember, we appreciate your feedback, but we appreciate your greenbacks even more!! –Scott Cochran, Editor The Extensive Code For Men To Live By Thou shall not rent Chocolat. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers. When you are queried by a buddy’s wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call bullshit. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent.) If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who’s running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddy’s refrigerator is forbidden. You may, however, gripe if the temperature is unsuitable. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. (In fact, even remembering a friend’s birthday is optional.) Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party. Before dating a buddy’s ex, you are required to ask his permission; and he, in return, is required to grant it. Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean. If a man’s zipper is down, that is his problem — you didn’t see nothin’. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer. A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend’s cat. Your girlfriend must bond with your buddy’s girlfriends within 30 minutes of meeting them. You are not required to make nice with her gal pals’ significant dick-heads – low-level sports bonding is all the law requires. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you’ll be able to warn your buddy and give him time prepare excuses about joining the priesthood. (Gas Warfare Act) you may flatuate in front of a woman only after you’ve brought her to climax. But if you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of entertainment, she’s officially your girlfriend. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach… and it’s delivered by a topless supermodel…and it’s free. Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight. If a buddy is outnumbered or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, “What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin,” then you may sit back and enjoy. Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos, ever. Issue closed. Bikernet Morale Officer Report From Wyoming ? Been outta town for a few days. ?The story goes like this… Seems the Bandit, Keith Ball, my friend in crimes against the Web, was roaring down Highway 20 at 90 mph, 10 godforsaken miles outside of Thermopolis, Wyo.?(Desolation is too decorative a word of description for Wyoming.) ? He had an invitation from a lady friend to come to Worland (about 125 miles north of Casper) to sign some of his novels for about 35 bikers. ?Riding back from the book signing, fate rolled the dice. ?It was a dark and dreary night; rain clouds threatened a deluge. ?Up ahead, the silhouette of a deer bolted across the highway. ?Rolling the right hand grip back, Bandit slowed to about 70. ?Just then, 2 feet ahead, Bambi sprang from the line of cottonwood trees. ?For a fragment of a second, in a ballet of venison, Bambi pirouetted in a furry plie with Bandit’s leather vest. ?And then? And then? eh, eh… And then, along came Jones…… ?And then, as best we can stitch together, out of the pile of mud and blood and leather and steel, that deer decided to ride with the Bandit. I was cutting wood that day in Pine Cove, near Idyllwild. ?The phone rang. ?”Bandit’s being helicoptered to the med center in Casper, Wyo.” ?I sprang. ?I was in Casper, Wyo., Sunday night. ?In the hospital’s ICU, Keith lay in a fuzzy haze of drugs and pain. ?He had sustained a major gash in the back of his head, a concussion, a hemorrhaging of the brain, a collapsed lung, broken ribs, a tube in his chest to suck out the blood around the collapsed lung, road rash on his right shoulder and arm, a major bruise on his hip and outside thigh, and assorted minor cuts and bruises. ?Inspite of all that carnage, the son of a bitch is a tiger. ?I stayed until Wednesday. ?Hustled into a wheelchair, Bandit’s journey home was exhausting but appreciated. ?He’s on the mend. ????? Scurvy News Released Hell, I know that the words are scattered, the subjects strewn to the wind, but what the fuck. I finished it in time to down a handful of pain pills and attempt sex into the evening. Have a great week–Bandit ???????????????????????????????????????????
August 12, 2001 Part 1
By Robin Technologies |
I attempted an intro unsuccessfully. I’m lucky to finish one segment before needing to crawl back to bed. Let’s see what happens…
Buell Being Shipped To Phoenix
When the battered Buell arrives back in the new Bikernet truck, we will be replacing the brakes with Brembo’s hot products, although I don’t have any complaints about the standard Buell components. Check the Sturgis 2001 saga over the next couple days for a complete rundown on the Buell’s performance on long-distance runs.
NINE MONTHS LATER
Jack decided to go for a ride with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up the Harleys and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
“I realize it’s terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I’m recently widowed,” she explained. “I’m afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house.”
“Don’t worry,” Jack said. “Well be happy to sleep in the barn with our bikes and if the weather breaks, we’ll be gone at first light.”
The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend riding through the mountains.
About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met when it snowed on their bike trip. He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, “Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our motorcycling holiday up North?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?” “Yes,” Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out. “I have to admit that I did.”
“And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?”
Bob’s face turned red and he said, “Yeah, sorry, buddy. I’m afraid I did. Why do you ask?”
“She just died and left me everything.”
(And you thought the ending would be different, didn’t you?) Caught you smiling– Keep it up!!!!!
Hey Bandit
I really appreciate the help you gave me regarding my inner primary and assembling a couple months ago. It worked great, so I fiqured I’d send you some pictures of my finished ride, an 82 FXR. Any thoughts, don’t hesitate to mail me. Thanks again, cheers from Victoria B.C. Al
WELCOME TO THE SHERIDAN PAGE OF THE FREE RUSTY WEB SITE — ? WRITTEN BY K.O. COONES, JULY 2001 ???????
?? My first trip to see Rusty was exceptionally nice. After traveling 1,100 miles, I left Portland Airport for a scenic one-hour drive south, headed toward the beach. There are three small cities on the way, and a few little towns. Everywhere I looked there were wildflowers growing outta control. Laffayette was my favorite little town because there is an Antique Mall. I was greeted in McMinnville by a ?Free Rusty Supporter? who escorted me on his chromed-out chopper all the way into Sheridan. Donny made sure I knew my way around, he was a gracious host and guide.
Bright wildflowers lined every mile the road as if God himself had landscaped it special just for my trip. Thanks for the STOCKERS coffee cup, Donny. Sheridan is a town of about 3,000 people, founded in 1881. Sheridan sits along the Yamhill River. Named for Civil War Gen. Phil Sheridan, his troops occupied the area and fought the Indian Wars in the new Pacific NorthWest territory, before President Abraham Lincoln called him to ?????????fight the Civil War in the 1850s. More than 50 years later, President Roosevelt had a hand in the success of this region by employing its residents. The ?Works Progress Administration? helped build and modernize the community during what was left of the Great Depression. Today, this region is a thriving agricultural area, it?s main employment being farms, wood mills and of course, The Federal Correctional Institute. (Can you tell I did my homework??) ???????
?? The F.C.I. at Sheridan is unique, in my opinion. It?s surrounded by fields of green, distant red barns and plenty of healthy agriculture. Never-ending views of bright, colorful wildflowers can be seen all over the place, which contribute to the fresh, sweet air. ????????? As I am told, there are three different facilities that total the ?campus? of the F.C.I. at Sheridan. When driving in, I saw the Federal Detention Center which is a type of holding jail. The F.D.C. is just like M.D.C. in Los Angeles where Rusty stayed his first 2 years. Then there is the Sheridan Federal Camp, which is a low-level security place. Finally, driving further ahead, I arrived at the Federal Correctional Institute, considered medium security. All in all, I remained impressed by the well-manicured grounds, so pristine, and all the pretty flowers.
I was lucky enough to get four full visits in a four-day trip. The B.O.P. staff were friendly in a professional way. The visiting room was awesome, as visiting rooms go?? set-up kind of ?theater style? and VERY CLEAN! For the first time in 2 years I got to sit next to Rusty and we shared meals together. Anyway, our visits were great and they sure went by fast. Rusty was his usual self, a perfect gentleman, honorable and self-assured. ???????? ????????
? Rusty is a whoppin? 297 pounds of rock solid muscle. I forgot how ?little? I am when I?m next to him. He?s at the weight pile a lot. He tells me it?s an outdoor gym with a metal roof overhead. My Rusty is benching in the 400 Club. He has a little helper-guy, David, who loads and unloads his weight plates. David is definitely a little dude. Because David is so small and skinny, Rusty nicknamed him Sucked-Up.? ????????? I got to meet Sucked-Up and his mom and dad, who came all the way from Long Island, N.Y., to see their son. Like me, it was their first visit at Sheridan. ?????????????? ?????????
On my next visit (who knows when), I want to drive out to the famous Oregon coast. It?s a 45-minute drive to the ocean from Sheridan, and there is a casino somewhere along that highway. Guess I?ll have to do a tour with my guide, The Donny, for that road trip.????? ????????? In closing, I had a great visit with Rusty. Very memorable, worth every treasured minute. I want to extend my sincerest thank you to those whose donations got me there. Both Rusty and I are grateful and appreciate your kindness. Until my next visit to Sheridan, this will remain posted, at which time I will post a new letter and some more pictures.
Stay with us here at the Free Rusty Web site***********Love, K.O. Coones
Motorcycle Rider and Patrol car Tangled After Turn
By J.D. Walker Staff Writer, The Courier-Tribune
A motorcyclist died late Friday afternoon after his motorcycle and a deputy’s patrol car in pursuit “got tangled up” in a crash about 7 miles west of Asheboro, according to a report from the N.C. Highway Patrol.
Gerald Benjamin Abney, Jr., 40, 494 Mt. Shepherd Road, Asheboro, was pronounced dead at the scene on Mt. Shepherd Road, after apparently being run over at around 5:15 p.m. by Randolph County Deputy Rodney Coe following a two-vehicle chase. Sgt. Mark Ivey with the Randolph County office of the N.C. Highway Patrol reported that Coe pursued Abney on U.S. 64 West “for several miles and several minutes.” Abney was driving a 1987 Harley-Davidson motorcycle. There was no information at press time on what initiated the chase. Sheriff’s department officials assisted at the scene but left the investigation to the highway patrol. Randolph County Sheriff Litchard Hurley said at the scene Friday that his department would issue a statement on the accident today, after he interviews Coe and reads the completed highway patrol report. Ivey said when both vehicles turned right onto Mt. Shepherd Road, they crossed the road and ran off the left side – with the front of the patrol car coming to rest against an embankment and the motorcycle pinned beneath the car.
“When they turned off at that intersection, they got tangled up,” said Ivey. Coe was transported to Randolph Hospital where he was treated and released. As Randolph EMS officials loaded Abney’s body into an ambulance, a young man arrived on the scene in a sedan. The man jumped out of his vehicle and attempted to get closer to the wrecked car and motorcycle. He was restrained by law enforcement officials.
“That’s my dad,” the man cried out. The man collapsed on the side of the road, sobbing. Officers tried to console the man but he broke away and ran up Mt. Shepherd Road – on the other side of a yellow police barricade tape – to where a woman identified by officers as Abney’s wife stood. Later, the man returned to move his sedan, gesturing wildly as he walked down the road. To no one in particular, he shouted, “He couldn’t catch him so he ——- ran him over. He killed my dad.”
Hurley left the scene heading for Randolph Hospital to check on Coe. The sheriff called Coe, who has at least 4 years experience with the sheriff’s department, a good officer. He confirmed that the accident has left the officer badly shaken. “This would be hard for anyone to bear,” he said.
On the accident scene, sheriff’s Capt. Maynard Reid said no one ever wins in a high-speed chase. “People don’t understand. Once an officer turns that light and siren on, it’s all up to them,” he said. “All they have to do is pull over.” He added that, in his experience, many times people try to evade a patrol car for petty reasons. He said often it is a minor offense like a warrant for a bad check that causes a momentary lapse of judgment. “But whatever it is, it’s not worth dying for,” he said.
–Charbrew
A taste of some painted girls you might find in the Cantina in the near future.
Super Vee Saga Revealed
We bought a Super Vee bike kit in 1999 when the first Generation III models came out. We love it! There’s been a lot of controversy about it but my old man said, “Real men accept challenges and archive their goals. Little boys cry foul and want to lay blame.”
Big Dan is a die hard Chevy man and has been quite disappointed with his Harley from day one. After we received the Super Vee package and started assembling it, we had a few small problems, chrome built-up, make a tab here, weld bracket for an oil cooler, but hey, that’s encountered building any bike!
When I read all the negative bullshit in the press about the Super Vee (especially in Iron Horse and on the Internet from Jim Fedor and Randy Thomason), it makes me sick! These wimps are nothing more than a bunch of crybabies seen as (in my eyes and my old man’s anyway) as pussy Lou bikers.
If they are so smart I’d like to see them design and build their own engine. They can’t and since they know they can’t, they knock down the well-earned accomplishments of Nostalgia Cycle. We figure they are either jealous or real insecure individuals with no life and critcize who do. We have had no problems with our engine and even upgraded ours to be 570 Roller Hydraulic Cam. Man, that Super Vee’s got power. We’ve never felt anything like that in a Harley and the Super Vee stays together under any kind of condition, unlike the Harley.
We’ve put over 20,000 miles on ours with zero problems. Very little maintained other than the standard oil changes, plugs once a year and a little valve adjustment when we changed cams, and that sound. Super Vee has it’s own sound, deep and powerful.
The best part is whereever we go, the Super Vee draws a crowd with its unique and interesting ways. Even at the gas station, people from all walks of life give us thumbs up approval because the Super Vee is American made!
The only negative comments we get are from people of low intelligence who are stuck in a rut with their non achievements and can’t understand the process of advanced technology that can benefit the biker. It’s that frame of mind that keeps bikers down and hurts us over all. Where would we be if society had rejected Henry Ford?
There is nothing wrong with the Super Vee. It’s a great machine that will serve you well. The only problem is people who don’t understand something and point a finger of blame at someone else.
A Supporter of Super Vee — Dusty Rose
After receiving this letter, I decided this was a job for Miss BB. Putting the word out in the wind, I was looking for anyone with information on the Super Vee engine. My phone line was flooded. I had hard-core bikers calling me every hour of the night screaming at me how fucking sick they are of having to listen to all those wanna-be’s. Super Vee was designed by the soul of an old scholar installing his heat into the Super Vee engine.
I was awakened by the sound of a powerful motorcycle pulling up into my driveway, barely coming to a stop at my front door. He revved his engine until I couldn’t ignore him any longer, forcing me to come out. He announced, “No one leaves out the front door until you get your ass on the back of my bike.” The motorcycle happened to be a Nostalgia Cycle Generation III Super Vee Motorcycle. He stared me down, not holding back, not letting go, I told him, “Back up, shit head, so I can get out and get on.”
This biker spent the next three hours packing me all over the freakin place to prove a point. There are so many who talk the talk but only the rare and endangered species (real bikers) walk the walk. My butt has been in the saddle many times, puttin thousands of miles across the country, through the desert, over mountain tops, valleys and dusty roads. Usually at the end of a long ride, my ass and lower back are screamin with pain (but no one knows it because I’m not a pussy). The Super Vee was surprisingly comfortable, I mean I just about damn near fell asleep on the damn thing! No rough idling or shaky frame. No pulling of my body forward from the force of gravidity when coming to any stops or change in mid-range speed because it was built the correct way! And the sound of its engine, in case you forgot it, woke me up in the middle of a dead sleep and my bedroom is on the other end of the house!
All I got to say is, “If you don’t like something then don’t buy it. If I have to explain it to you then you’ll never understand.” Thank you Rat Dog for riding over and giving me the opportunity to find out the truth. I’m still waiting for you to come back and take me for another long ride.
–Miss BB
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