July 8, 2001
By Robin Technologies |
Here’s a sneak preview, but that’s all we can show you for another week
Wild in the streets. I rode about 300 miles this weekend on the recently completed Buell. I was off to Idyllwild in the San Jacinto Mountains. Dr. Ladd Terry, our resident morale officer who helped us refurbish the headquarters, invited me to assist with the re-surfacing of his mountain cabin deck with a fiber board. When a friend calls, you’ve got to be there.
From Friday afternoon until 2:00 p.m. Sunday, I put in 20 strenuous hours hauling and installing 2-by-6 boards of this stuff. I returned in the blazing Sunday sun to the headquarters on the harbor to find a woman in my back yard dressed “only” in one of those mini-skirts made out of T-shirt material. It clung to her like spray paint. She had been lying out in the sun and had just gotten out of the bath and was clean and freshly shaved. Suddenly my fatigue dissipated, my energy returned and, well, let’s get to the news before I nod out.
Here’s Another Winner
Eric Wayner of Barker, N.Y., won a signed copy of “Sam ‘Chopper’ Orwell” for joining the Cantina. Every tenth news member get Ball’s new book.
Something About Marriage–
Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
Easyrider Event Coverage Coming to Bikernet I’m writing a feature about the five-time, top-ranked M.C. sled pull champ Tom McNeilly and his crew of misfits. These guys compete and beat all comers. Most of the guys on the circuit have $25,000 factory and custom-built power plants, but not our heroes. They build ’em from the bone yards for a song, real radical back street style. Nothing pretty here. I overheard No. 2-ranked David Heighs on his cell phone after the race to his engine builder screaming that he just got smoked by some homemade piece of crap!
I have a load of photos from the rodeo as well as sled pulls, barstool races, open drags and my infamous T&A stuff. I’m sending you a few digi-snaps.
— Teddy Bear
Funeral Arrangements
Rick Donison’s head mechanic at O’Hara’s passed away and the funeral will be on July 12, 2001, at 10:00 a.m. at Valley View Memorial Gardens, 14644 72nd Ave., Surrey. Come on your bike, in leathers if possible…
Camp Phoenix: American Burn Camp
Aug. 26 Meet at the Bow Hill Rest Stop, approximately mile marker 236, which is the second rest stop below the border on Interstate 5 at 11:30 a.m. Ride leaves at noon. For more info, contact: Jeep (360) 757-1515 at Skagit Harley-Davidson
Harley Night
Harley Night at Hannigan is confirmed as July 21 by Kelly of V-Twin Super Market. Kelly puts on the wonderful Show N’ Shine there. You may call her at (360) 366-0902
Bikernet Most Wanted
The above bastard on two wheels is wanted nationwide by the Bikernet crew for being a know-it-all digital wizard. If you catch him, bring him in alive. He’s got work to do.
Something About Marriage II
My wife and I are inseparable. In fact, last week it took four state troopers and a dog.
Sturgis Attendance Predictions
We work with a lot of campgrounds and hotel/motels in the Black Hills area and the vast majority are all saying that reservations are about half of last year, but still a little more than 1999. So we predict that the rally won’t be as nuts as last year was for the 60th. That should help to make it a fun rally. Here is a link to some basic attendance info from previous years. http://www.sturgis-rally.com/2kstats.html
That’s it
She’s on her way back over. This week will be out of hand. I need to install a new Samson exhaust system on my Sturgis riding partner’s dresser. I’ve got a set of Joker Machine turn signals for the Buell, and there’s a couple of tweaks to be made before I hit the road. Let’s rock!–Bandit.
July 1, 2001
By Robin Technologies |
I finished the Buell and will take it for its first test run today. We’re headed over to NuttBoy’s at the beach for a fish fry. I’ll make this short due to the extensive cleanup routine going on at the headquarters. Each time we finish a bike, we discover that the house is covered in greasy fingerprints, parts boxes and beer cans, and I don’t drink much beer. Let’s run at the news.
BITCH
Guess BITCH has a very different meaning! Some friends were sitting at the bar talking about their professions. The first guy says “I’m a Y.U.P.P.I.E, you know…. Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist.”
The second guy says “I’m a D.I.N.K, you know….Double Income, No Kids.”
The third guy says, “I’m a R.U.B., you know…Rich, Urban, Biker.”
They turn to the woman and ask her, “What are you?”
She replies: “I’m a WIFE, you know….Wash, Iron, F???, Etc.”
Second gal answers their question before they even ask it: “BITCH.” “So, just exactly what is a BITCH??????????” They ask in unison.
B- BABE
I- IN
T- TOTAL
C-CONTROL
H-OF HER HUSBAND
CrazyHorse Report–I think I’m going to be riding up to the rally that The Horse is having in a few weeks. I’ll probaby see you there.
Hey I know I’ll be seeing you at Mike’s poker run here in Charlotte. I know you probaby already have accommodations, but if you want to come out to the woods for a day or night, my house is here for you. Not the Hilton but we do have an in-ground pool, 6-plus acres and a big guest room with windows all across one wall looking out into the woods. Plus Jim’s shop is here and the Softail ought to be most of the way together by then. I do make the best strawberry daquiri on the East Coast. There’s also this bottle of Crown Royal that needs to have a dent put in it.
Damn, I told Mike I’d stay at his house.? ???
Harley Sculptures
Hi my name is Bill, I make the best Harley sculptures you?ll ever see around anywhere. No two are exactly alike– each one a unique piece. I’ve spent a number of years perfecting all the detailing that goes into each one.
You might think I?m asking a lot for them, but it’s reasonable considering the price of materials and intense labor that I have to go through to make each one a piece of art. I do all the welding, sanding and polishing. Check out my Web site and see what I mean — ?www.stainlessmotorcycles.com ?
I need to check one out.
Cyril Huze Report Still fighting with client not to turn the bike into a “Christmas tree.” One week more and the the job will be done. –Cyril
Cyril Huze Custom 20/20 Report–Hey Bandit! I just heard from JuJu Chang and she said that 20/20 is aiming for August 10 for airing our segment, but it is still not definite. I will keep you posted. –GOTH I know it’s not much, but it is the latest and greatest. We will take some shots of the Buell this afternoon and post them over the next couple days. Phil Stadden did a helluva job with the paint. We’ll let you know if we hear more about the new model. Have a barbecue, I need to ride.–Bandit
Motorcycles and Accessories
Tel: (561) 392-5557
Fax: (561) 392-9923
Website:
Webstore:
Devil Dolls MC
July 1, 2001
By Robin Technologies |
I finished the Buell and will take it for its first test run today. We’re headed over to NuttBoy’s at the beach for a fish fry. I’ll make this short due to the extensive cleanup routine going on at the headquarters. Each time we finish a bike, we discover that the house is covered in greasy fingerprints, parts boxes and beer cans, and I don’t drink much beer. Let’s run at the news.
BITCH
Guess BITCH has a very different meaning! Some friends were sitting at the bar talking about their professions. The first guy says “I’m a Y.U.P.P.I.E, you know…. Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist.”
The second guy says “I’m a D.I.N.K, you know….Double Income, No Kids.”
The third guy says, “I’m a R.U.B., you know…Rich, Urban, Biker.”
They turn to the woman and ask her, “What are you?”
She replies: “I’m a WIFE, you know….Wash, Iron, F???, Etc.”
Second gal answers their question before they even ask it: “BITCH.” “So, just exactly what is a BITCH??????????” They ask in unison.
B- BABE
I- IN
T- TOTAL
C-CONTROL
H-OF HER HUSBAND
CrazyHorse Report–I think I’m going to be riding up to the rally that The Horse is having in a few weeks. I’ll probaby see you there.
Hey I know I’ll be seeing you at Mike’s poker run here in Charlotte. I know you probaby already have accommodations, but if you want to come out to the woods for a day or night, my house is here for you. Not the Hilton but we do have an in-ground pool, 6-plus acres and a big guest room with windows all across one wall looking out into the woods. Plus Jim’s shop is here and the Softail ought to be most of the way together by then. I do make the best strawberry daquiri on the East Coast. There’s also this bottle of Crown Royal that needs to have a dent put in it.
Damn, I told Mike I’d stay at his house.? ???
Harley Sculptures
Hi my name is Bill, I make the best Harley sculptures you?ll ever see around anywhere. No two are exactly alike– each one a unique piece. I’ve spent a number of years perfecting all the detailing that goes into each one.
You might think I?m asking a lot for them, but it’s reasonable considering the price of materials and intense labor that I have to go through to make each one a piece of art. I do all the welding, sanding and polishing. Check out my Web site and see what I mean — ?www.stainlessmotorcycles.com ?
I need to check one out.
Cyril Huze Report Still fighting with client not to turn the bike into a “Christmas tree.” One week more and the the job will be done. –Cyril
Cyril Huze Custom 20/20 Report–Hey Bandit! I just heard from JuJu Chang and she said that 20/20 is aiming for August 10 for airing our segment, but it is still not definite. I will keep you posted. –GOTH I know it’s not much, but it is the latest and greatest. We will take some shots of the Buell this afternoon and post them over the next couple days. Phil Stadden did a helluva job with the paint. We’ll let you know if we hear more about the new model. Have a barbecue, I need to ride.–Bandit
Motorcycles and Accessories
Tel: (561) 392-5557
Fax: (561) 392-9923
Website:
Webstore:
Devil Dolls MC
June 24, 2001
By Robin Technologies |
Everything is out of sorts today. I’m not sure if I’m comin’ or goin’. Had some riders stop by and one proclaimed that if I paid him a grand, he’d buy my T-Bird for nothin’. It was an odd deal, but sounded like the type of transaction that I usually go for, so I took it. Got a line on a ’98 F150 with a long bed, so I need to unload that bird.
The real hot dog!
For some odd reason, I’ve received a number of animal-related shots. I can’t help it, they just roll in here, so I’ll force you to look at ’em. I’m like W.C. Fields. Keep the dogs and the kids away from me. The Bikernet mascot cat, Lucky, only gets to stick around on a week-to-week option.
Dalmatians
A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past them. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian. The children fell to discussing the dog’s duties.
“They use him to keep crowds back,” said one youngster.
“No, he’s just for good luck,” said another.
A third child brought the argument to a close. “They use the dogs,” she said firmly, “to find the fire hydrant.”
NuttBoy on Acid
Bug slapped like some two-bit joker on a ripped-off bike he don’t know…there I was, burnin’ the asphalt with Satan’s fire. ?Eyes glazed with a whiff of speed up my nose, I couldn’t see the traffic ahead and it didn’t matter. ?I was headed for trouble on a one-way ticket to hell. ?I had cut all my connections to family and friends. ?I ducked as the 12- gauge blast from my wife sailed over my head like a flight of geese headin’ for Canada. ?And that might be my destination too. ??
???Man, I didn’t know what the fuck was in my tea leaves but it was some vindictive bitch who was readin’ my fortune. ?It wasn’t as if I were some smooth talkin’ son of a bitch. ?I mean it was just me and why the fuck did these women seem to stick on me like flies to shit?
Well I’d have to leave that part of the story to those who would write my epitaph. I’m telling you the story for your own good. ?It won’t help me, I’m fucked. ?The guillotine is sliding downward toward my skinny chicken neck. ? That’s destiny. ?There is no turning back. ?The keen edge of the blade will soon be separating me from any chance I have of ordering another round of beers or playing another game of pool.
?????It’s not a noble life I’ve led. ?I mean, there is nothing that would give the knife edge a pause. ?A moment between the light of day and the black of night. ??I’ve hurt those who cared. ?I’ve cheated those who tried. ?There are honest women who grind their teeth in wretched agony over the pain I have caused them.
More to come if the liquor still flows………a day to get fucked up, I guess.
Perhaps a confession to the devil–Bandit.
Production Knucklehead Sneak preview of this Knuck. We’ll have more on it in the near future.
Every 10th Member Gets Copy of Orwell
This week, Michael Channell of Omaha, Neb., won a signed copy of “Sam ‘Chopper’ Orwell.” Every 10th member to join wins. Not a bad start. Spread the word.
Executive Director Position
The Sturgis Motorcycle Museum and Hall of Fame is seeking individual for full-time, year-round director position. ?Candidate will be responsible for the complete operation of the museum, including grant writing and other fund raising programs.
Send resume to:
Sturgis Motorcycle Museum
P.O. Box 602
Sturgis, S.D. 57785
24 Hours To Live
Morris returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given the prognosis, Morris asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, so they make love.
About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, “Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?” Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again.
Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now has only eight hours left. He touches his wife’s shoulder and asks, “Honey, please…just one more time before I die.” She says,
“Of course, dear,” and they make love for a third time. After this session, the wife rolls over and falls asleep.
Morris, however, worried about his impending demise, tosses and turns until he’s down to four more hours. He taps his wife, who rouses. “Honey, I have only four more hours. Do you think we could…”
At this point the wife sits up and says, “Listen Morris, I have to get up in the morning…..you don’t.”
Sturgis Planning Committee Meeting
Hey, we need to get together and have a Sturgis planning session. I say we leave Friday the 27th. That would give us an extra day if we decide to hang out someplace or have a break down. Let me know what you think of this. We could ride from L.A. to Lone Pine, then to Carson City, Nev., then on to Burns, Ore., Sun Valley, Idaho, and into Jackson Hole. That leaves us one extra day. If we push it the first day, we could ride straight through to Carson City. I’m trying to make this a 250-300 mile-a-day cruise. If you like the sound of this, we can widdle on it some more. Maybe I’ll go to AAA and get stop-over suggestions. Or we just wing it.–Bandit
Fuck it, let’s just ride until we run out of money, then let’s sell the women and ride some more, muthafucker–Dr. Hamster
Yeah, we like that notion. Fuck your plan, Bandit, let’s ride. I say we vote on it. All in favor, say aye!–Renegade
Aye, Aye, Aye, Aye, Aye, Aye, Aye, Aye, Aye, Aye, Aye, arrrgh….
I have but one suggestion men. Let’s take really hot looking women, so when we sell them we can buy some more.–Bandit
Bikernet Staffer Wins Fifth Place
Bikernet staff member Chris Tonolone, creator of the latest Bikernet sticker, escaped his office the other day to fish in a tournament in Hawaii. His team came in fifth place with a score of tuna.
Gun Alert
H.R. 114 (Holt): This bill would require federal registration of handguns (including handguns already owned) in any state which had failed to implement a handgun registration program.
For more info contact:
Chris W. Stark – Director
P.O. Box 1924
Crosby, Texas 77532-1924
Ph. (713) 202-9548 Fax (810) 283-7459
http://www.GOA-Texas.org
e-mail: Director@GOA-Texas.org
The Lame Game Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
That’s It
It’s a fuckin’ beautiful day and I’m still waiting on chrome for the Buell to put that puppy back together. But it’s time to ride. I’m going to drag the ’48 Pan out and take a putt over to the point.
Sin Wu just stopped buy, screamin’ and a bitchin. I’ll handcuff her to the computer and escape.–Bandit
June 24, 2001
By Robin Technologies |
Everything is out of sorts today. I’m not sure if I’m comin’ or goin’. Had some riders stop by and one proclaimed that if I paid him a grand, he’d buy my T-Bird for nothin’. It was an odd deal, but sounded like the type of transaction that I usually go for, so I took it. Got a line on a ’98 F150 with a long bed, so I need to unload that bird.
The real hot dog!
For some odd reason, I’ve received a number of animal-related shots. I can’t help it, they just roll in here, so I’ll force you to look at ’em. I’m like W.C. Fields. Keep the dogs and the kids away from me. The Bikernet mascot cat, Lucky, only gets to stick around on a week-to-week option.
Dalmatians
A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past them. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian. The children fell to discussing the dog’s duties.
“They use him to keep crowds back,” said one youngster.
“No, he’s just for good luck,” said another.
A third child brought the argument to a close. “They use the dogs,” she said firmly, “to find the fire hydrant.”
NuttBoy on Acid
Bug slapped like some two-bit joker on a ripped-off bike he don’t know…there I was, burnin’ the asphalt with Satan’s fire. ?Eyes glazed with a whiff of speed up my nose, I couldn’t see the traffic ahead and it didn’t matter. ?I was headed for trouble on a one-way ticket to hell. ?I had cut all my connections to family and friends. ?I ducked as the 12- gauge blast from my wife sailed over my head like a flight of geese headin’ for Canada. ?And that might be my destination too. ??
???Man, I didn’t know what the fuck was in my tea leaves but it was some vindictive bitch who was readin’ my fortune. ?It wasn’t as if I were some smooth talkin’ son of a bitch. ?I mean it was just me and why the fuck did these women seem to stick on me like flies to shit?
Well I’d have to leave that part of the story to those who would write my epitaph. I’m telling you the story for your own good. ?It won’t help me, I’m fucked. ?The guillotine is sliding downward toward my skinny chicken neck. ? That’s destiny. ?There is no turning back. ?The keen edge of the blade will soon be separating me from any chance I have of ordering another round of beers or playing another game of pool.
?????It’s not a noble life I’ve led. ?I mean, there is nothing that would give the knife edge a pause. ?A moment between the light of day and the black of night. ??I’ve hurt those who cared. ?I’ve cheated those who tried. ?There are honest women who grind their teeth in wretched agony over the pain I have caused them.
More to come if the liquor still flows………a day to get fucked up, I guess.
Perhaps a confession to the devil–Bandit.
Production Knucklehead Sneak preview of this Knuck. We’ll have more on it in the near future.
Every 10th Member Gets Copy of Orwell
This week, Michael Channell of Omaha, Neb., won a signed copy of “Sam ‘Chopper’ Orwell.” Every 10th member to join wins. Not a bad start. Spread the word.
Executive Director Position
The Sturgis Motorcycle Museum and Hall of Fame is seeking individual for full-time, year-round director position. ?Candidate will be responsible for the complete operation of the museum, including grant writing and other fund raising programs.
Send resume to:
Sturgis Motorcycle Museum
P.O. Box 602
Sturgis, S.D. 57785
24 Hours To Live
Morris returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given the prognosis, Morris asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, so they make love.
About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, “Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?” Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again.
Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now has only eight hours left. He touches his wife’s shoulder and asks, “Honey, please…just one more time before I die.” She says,
“Of course, dear,” and they make love for a third time. After this session, the wife rolls over and falls asleep.
Morris, however, worried about his impending demise, tosses and turns until he’s down to four more hours. He taps his wife, who rouses. “Honey, I have only four more hours. Do you think we could…”
At this point the wife sits up and says, “Listen Morris, I have to get up in the morning…..you don’t.”
Sturgis Planning Committee Meeting
Hey, we need to get together and have a Sturgis planning session. I say we leave Friday the 27th. That would give us an extra day if we decide to hang out someplace or have a break down. Let me know what you think of this. We could ride from L.A. to Lone Pine, then to Carson City, Nev., then on to Burns, Ore., Sun Valley, Idaho, and into Jackson Hole. That leaves us one extra day. If we push it the first day, we could ride straight through to Carson City. I’m trying to make this a 250-300 mile-a-day cruise. If you like the sound of this, we can widdle on it some more. Maybe I’ll go to AAA and get stop-over suggestions. Or we just wing it.–Bandit
Fuck it, let’s just ride until we run out of money, then let’s sell the women and ride some more, muthafucker–Dr. Hamster
Yeah, we like that notion. Fuck your plan, Bandit, let’s ride. I say we vote on it. All in favor, say aye!–Renegade
Aye, Aye, Aye, Aye, Aye, Aye, Aye, Aye, Aye, Aye, Aye, arrrgh….
I have but one suggestion men. Let’s take really hot looking women, so when we sell them we can buy some more.–Bandit
Bikernet Staffer Wins Fifth Place
Bikernet staff member Chris Tonolone, creator of the latest Bikernet sticker, escaped his office the other day to fish in a tournament in Hawaii. His team came in fifth place with a score of tuna.
Gun Alert
H.R. 114 (Holt): This bill would require federal registration of handguns (including handguns already owned) in any state which had failed to implement a handgun registration program.
For more info contact:
Chris W. Stark – Director
P.O. Box 1924
Crosby, Texas 77532-1924
Ph. (713) 202-9548 Fax (810) 283-7459
http://www.GOA-Texas.org
e-mail: Director@GOA-Texas.org
The Lame Game Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
That’s It
It’s a fuckin’ beautiful day and I’m still waiting on chrome for the Buell to put that puppy back together. But it’s time to ride. I’m going to drag the ’48 Pan out and take a putt over to the point.
Sin Wu just stopped buy, screamin’ and a bitchin. I’ll handcuff her to the computer and escape.–Bandit
June 17, 2001
By Robin Technologies |
You’ll never believe this. Hell, I don’t know how to explain it. I received a threatening letter the other day. An old friend and long time biker, Bob Bitchin, the publisher of Biker News, Biker, FTW and Tattoo magazine, wanted to see me and Layla on his sailing vessel, The Lost Soul. Unsuspecting buffoons that we are, we packed our duffel bags and went to his ship in King Fish Harbor.
As we boarded, the lines were cast off and the black, 65-foot sail boat pulled out of the harbor. A crew of half-dressed females hoisted the sails.
I’ll cut to the bottom line. There was another strange guest on board, a white man with sunglasses the size of small television screens who was introduced to us as the reigning Emperor of the Cult of the Crows. Shortly after we left the harbor and were too far from shore to swim back, Capt. Bitchin started asking questions about my shapely guest. As the current publisher of the Easyriders of sailing rags, Latitudes and Attitudes, the captain had to know all that was sea worthy, and something about my girl intrigued him.
She had nothing to hide when he asked directly about her father who had worked all aspects of the harbors, including sewing nets, and was the man on the top of the mast for a wooden sailboat race to Hawaii in 1940. He almost froze to death cleaning out the fishing lockers in Alaska in the ’50s. But it was her great-grandfather that he was most curious about, a fishing fleet captain in the Santa Monica Bay. The toothless pipe smoker was married five times, but his last wife was a thin rope of a woman named Olivia.
The captain almost lost it when the truth was revealed that the creator of Popeye fashioned the character after my girl’s great-grandfather and the story was documented in several sea faring publications. You might be surprised to find her on the cover of an upcoming issue of Latts and Atts. Bob and I have been friends for 25 years, but when in a drunken stupor he realized that I was doin’ Popeye’s great-granddaughter, he went ballistic. The 340- pound monster and his hitman, the cult emperor, attempted to rub me out several times over the weekend and whisk the lovely Layla away from me.
I was strong, like a female Kodak bear guarding my cub, until Bob began to negotiate. When he offered two big-titted bi-girls for the spinach eater, I gave in.
And so, that’s the reason for no Sunday Post.
–Bandit
June 17, 2001
By Robin Technologies |
You’ll never believe this. Hell, I don’t know how to explain it. I received a threatening letter the other day. An old friend and long time biker, Bob Bitchin, the publisher of Biker News, Biker, FTW and Tattoo magazine, wanted to see me and Layla on his sailing vessel, The Lost Soul. Unsuspecting buffoons that we are, we packed our duffel bags and went to his ship in King Fish Harbor.
As we boarded, the lines were cast off and the black, 65-foot sail boat pulled out of the harbor. A crew of half-dressed females hoisted the sails.
I’ll cut to the bottom line. There was another strange guest on board, a white man with sunglasses the size of small television screens who was introduced to us as the reigning Emperor of the Cult of the Crows. Shortly after we left the harbor and were too far from shore to swim back, Capt. Bitchin started asking questions about my shapely guest. As the current publisher of the Easyriders of sailing rags, Latitudes and Attitudes, the captain had to know all that was sea worthy, and something about my girl intrigued him.
She had nothing to hide when he asked directly about her father who had worked all aspects of the harbors, including sewing nets, and was the man on the top of the mast for a wooden sailboat race to Hawaii in 1940. He almost froze to death cleaning out the fishing lockers in Alaska in the ’50s. But it was her great-grandfather that he was most curious about, a fishing fleet captain in the Santa Monica Bay. The toothless pipe smoker was married five times, but his last wife was a thin rope of a woman named Olivia.
The captain almost lost it when the truth was revealed that the creator of Popeye fashioned the character after my girl’s great-grandfather and the story was documented in several sea faring publications. You might be surprised to find her on the cover of an upcoming issue of Latts and Atts. Bob and I have been friends for 25 years, but when in a drunken stupor he realized that I was doin’ Popeye’s great-granddaughter, he went ballistic. The 340- pound monster and his hitman, the cult emperor, attempted to rub me out several times over the weekend and whisk the lovely Layla away from me.
I was strong, like a female Kodak bear guarding my cub, until Bob began to negotiate. When he offered two big-titted bi-girls for the spinach eater, I gave in.
And so, that’s the reason for no Sunday Post.
–Bandit
June 10, 2001
By Robin Technologies |
I wish I knew what I was doing. Layla screamed at me over breakfast, I waited at the station for the girl from Texas and Nicole wrote from Germany. I’ve got my laptop and I’m hiding out by the docks. Just me, the seaweed and barnicals, and my trusty touring chop. Let’s get to the news before someone traces the call.
Indian is in hot water again. In fact, the
As a result, tribes nationwide are resolved to obtain justice in the matter of the Indian trademark.
INSURANCE ADVOCATES SLAM EDUCATION AS RISKY Also, New Report on Dangers of NHTSA Culture of ?Passive Safety?
At a time when state motorcyclists? rights organizations (SMROs) are in the midst of lobbying Washington to advance safety training for motorists and motorcyclists, the nation?s leading insurance association promoting its version of ?highway safety? is telling Congress and the president, ?Why bother??
The Insurance Institute for Highway Safety, in a special report issued May 19, attacks the value of motorist and motorcyclist training and education. That special report is in the hands of Washington policymakers now — the very time when motorcyclists are lobbying for a resource injection to help state-run rider training and a national program of motorist awareness of motorcycles.?
A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.
“Well, it was like this,” said the man, “I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. “We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife’s monogram on it……..stuck right in the middle of the cow’s butt. That’s when I made my mistake.”
“What did you do?” asks the doctor.
“Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, ‘Hey, this looks like yours!’ ”
Recall Notice: Harley-Davidson Sidecar Year: 1998
Dates of Manufacture: April 1997 – July 1998
Defect: These motorcycle sidecars were built with an axle that could break. This could cause a loss of control of the motorcycle, resulting in a crash.
Remedy: Dealers will replace the axles on these sidecars. Owner notification was scheduled to begin during late July 1999. Owners who do not receive the free remedy within a reasonable time should contact Harley-Davidson at (414) 342-4680.
H.R. 31 (Bartlett): This bill, the Citizens’ Self-Defense Act of 2001, would reaffirm the right of an individual to obtain a firearm for self-defense and to use the firearm to protect himself, his family and his home.–Yippee
Here’s another Chrome Specialties girl who will be featured in the Cantina and in the CSI department. She was recruited from Hooters in Dallas.
Years ago, when we put in the 88-inch stroker, I took her for a ride. When I returned, I said to my lil’ Quebecian buddy, Simon, “Fucking A, that’s the fastest FLH around. It’s an FLH/LMF.” Simon, who was unwise to American lingo, asked, “What is LMF?” I told him “It’s an FLH/Like a Mother Fucker!”
–C-YA J-BIRD
Deal of the week: laminated fiberglass custom handmade saddle bag and fender set with matching air dam. Front fender is 6 inches wide O.D., rear fender is 7 inches wide O.D., and the saddle bags are extra wide, measuring 8 inches I.D. The saddle bags and the rear fender have built-in 1939 Ford tear drop tail lights.
This is truly the deal if you want a unique motorcycle. I have seen this setup sell for over $2,500. SPECIAL $1,000. Contact: rogue@bikerrogue or visit web site www.bikerrogue.com
A group of nuns was traveling in a car when it got a flat tire. They got out and tried to change it, but being rather unworldly did not know how to do it. Luckily, a truck came along and the male driver offered to change it for them. They gladly accepted.
As the trucker jacked up the car, it slipped from the jack. “Son-of-a-bitch!” he yelled.
The eldest nun said to him, “That is not nice language. We understand that you are upset, but you mustn’t use such language.”
“Sorry sister,” he said, and tried again. Again it slipped, this time almost mashing his fingers. “Son-of-a-bitch!” he yelled again.
“Please, don’t use such language. If changing our tire is causing you to do so, it would be better if you didn’t help us.”
“But I get so upset, and it just comes out.”
“Well,” said the nun, “say something else when you get upset, something like ‘Sweet Jesus, help me.'”
So the trucker tried to jack up the car again. Again it slipped. He started to say “Son…” but he corrected himself and said, “Sweet Jesus, help me.” At that, the car floated up into the air by itself.
The nuns looked at the car and said, “Son-of-a-bitch!”
Yep, it’s Renegade as a college intern. He was always complaining about working with assholes, and finally proved it.
That’s it. I hear someone coming up the pier. Ride like there’s no tomorrow–Bandit
June 10, 2001
By Robin Technologies |
I wish I knew what I was doing. Layla screamed at me over breakfast, I waited at the station for the girl from Texas and Nicole wrote from Germany. I’ve got my laptop and I’m hiding out by the docks. Just me, the seaweed and barnicals, and my trusty touring chop. Let’s get to the news before someone traces the call.
Indian is in hot water again. In fact, the
As a result, tribes nationwide are resolved to obtain justice in the matter of the Indian trademark.
INSURANCE ADVOCATES SLAM EDUCATION AS RISKY Also, New Report on Dangers of NHTSA Culture of ?Passive Safety?
At a time when state motorcyclists? rights organizations (SMROs) are in the midst of lobbying Washington to advance safety training for motorists and motorcyclists, the nation?s leading insurance association promoting its version of ?highway safety? is telling Congress and the president, ?Why bother??
The Insurance Institute for Highway Safety, in a special report issued May 19, attacks the value of motorist and motorcyclist training and education. That special report is in the hands of Washington policymakers now — the very time when motorcyclists are lobbying for a resource injection to help state-run rider training and a national program of motorist awareness of motorcycles.?
A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.
“Well, it was like this,” said the man, “I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. “We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife’s monogram on it……..stuck right in the middle of the cow’s butt. That’s when I made my mistake.”
“What did you do?” asks the doctor.
“Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, ‘Hey, this looks like yours!’ ”
Recall Notice: Harley-Davidson Sidecar Year: 1998
Dates of Manufacture: April 1997 – July 1998
Defect: These motorcycle sidecars were built with an axle that could break. This could cause a loss of control of the motorcycle, resulting in a crash.
Remedy: Dealers will replace the axles on these sidecars. Owner notification was scheduled to begin during late July 1999. Owners who do not receive the free remedy within a reasonable time should contact Harley-Davidson at (414) 342-4680.
H.R. 31 (Bartlett): This bill, the Citizens’ Self-Defense Act of 2001, would reaffirm the right of an individual to obtain a firearm for self-defense and to use the firearm to protect himself, his family and his home.–Yippee
Here’s another Chrome Specialties girl who will be featured in the Cantina and in the CSI department. She was recruited from Hooters in Dallas.
Years ago, when we put in the 88-inch stroker, I took her for a ride. When I returned, I said to my lil’ Quebecian buddy, Simon, “Fucking A, that’s the fastest FLH around. It’s an FLH/LMF.” Simon, who was unwise to American lingo, asked, “What is LMF?” I told him “It’s an FLH/Like a Mother Fucker!”
–C-YA J-BIRD
Deal of the week: laminated fiberglass custom handmade saddle bag and fender set with matching air dam. Front fender is 6 inches wide O.D., rear fender is 7 inches wide O.D., and the saddle bags are extra wide, measuring 8 inches I.D. The saddle bags and the rear fender have built-in 1939 Ford tear drop tail lights.
This is truly the deal if you want a unique motorcycle. I have seen this setup sell for over $2,500. SPECIAL $1,000. Contact: rogue@bikerrogue or visit web site www.bikerrogue.com
A group of nuns was traveling in a car when it got a flat tire. They got out and tried to change it, but being rather unworldly did not know how to do it. Luckily, a truck came along and the male driver offered to change it for them. They gladly accepted.
As the trucker jacked up the car, it slipped from the jack. “Son-of-a-bitch!” he yelled.
The eldest nun said to him, “That is not nice language. We understand that you are upset, but you mustn’t use such language.”
“Sorry sister,” he said, and tried again. Again it slipped, this time almost mashing his fingers. “Son-of-a-bitch!” he yelled again.
“Please, don’t use such language. If changing our tire is causing you to do so, it would be better if you didn’t help us.”
“But I get so upset, and it just comes out.”
“Well,” said the nun, “say something else when you get upset, something like ‘Sweet Jesus, help me.'”
So the trucker tried to jack up the car again. Again it slipped. He started to say “Son…” but he corrected himself and said, “Sweet Jesus, help me.” At that, the car floated up into the air by itself.
The nuns looked at the car and said, “Son-of-a-bitch!”
Yep, it’s Renegade as a college intern. He was always complaining about working with assholes, and finally proved it.
That’s it. I hear someone coming up the pier. Ride like there’s no tomorrow–Bandit
June 3, 2001
By Robin Technologies |
Here’s the new logo with a drop shadow added by Helen Wolfe, our drag racing editor. She’s going to put together some business cards for her lovely self, Jon Towle and the Digital Gangster. She’s also going to create a couple of T-shirts using Cantina artwork.
Speaking of T-shirts, Paul Morris of Ventura, Calif., won the Cantina door prize for the week — a Bandit autographed 2X Bikernet T-shirt. We’ll throw some other shit in with it as a bonus. Congratulations Paul.
Don’t forget to enter the door prize contest.
Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the sixth one, a man on the bench across from him said, “Son, you know eating all that candy isn’t good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, make you fat.”
Little Johnny replied, “My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.”
The man asked, “Did your grandfather eat six candy bars at a time?”
Little Johnny answered, “No, he minded his own fucking business!”
Watch a world class custom come together in the free section of Bikernet. Cyril Huze is building a bike weekly on the site, and his bikes are works of art. Check it out. ?
How much room does a Pro Stock Harley-Davidson team NEED?? Bill and Theresa Hannon, proud owners of Hannon Racing, Ft. Myers Beach, Fla., needed a little room to grow. Scott Fischer, owner of Harley-Davidson of Ft. Myers, Fla., agreed?and as of last week, Hannon’s world record-holding Pro Stock Harley-Davidson can stretch out and breathe a little easier. ?
Hannon’s Harley-Davidson now resides in the service department and the entire road rig ?(Ford truck with a 48-foot trailer) are spared the elements, now stored indoors at Florida’s newest, deluxe, 45,000-square- foot dealership at 2160 Colonial Blvd.
BIKERNET WILL BE THERE, AND WE ARE SPONSORING THE PARTY ON THE QUEEN MARY SATURDAY NIGHT
A man’s brain, in case you didn’t know.
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, “Nobody move!”
When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
It’s summer and time to get cool with some of the hottest shirts on the planet. That’s our own line of DragonFly shirts, sold securely right here at Bikernet in the Gulch. Check ’em out. We don’t charge postage and handling and keep the price to a minimum. And the shots of the girls aren’t half bad.
In ancient England, a person could not have sex unless they had consent of the King (unless you were in the Royal Family). When anyone wanted to have a baby, they got consent of the King, the King gave them a placard that they hung on their door while they were having sex. The placard had F.*.*.*. (Fornication Under Consent of the King) on it.
Now you know where that came from.
They seem to be dropping like flies. Titan, Quantum, Big-X, Boar, Wild West, American Eagle, and I just heard that Ultra filed Chapter 11 too.
The news with the flooring companies is that Indian is about to do the 11 dance too. The stockmarket hit a shitload of these guys that over predicted the amount of demand for alternative bikes and they just could not sustain the overhead. We almost did a move to a bigger facility last November and put on the brakes. Good thing, at least we’ll be standing when the dust settles.
–John Covington, Surgical Steeds, Phoenix
That’s it. I must now ride the touring chopper into the hills to ponder the meaning of life. Then I’ll ride to the nearest bar and have a couple drinks to try to change my mind. Have a helluva week, and don’t ever change.–Bandit