It better be a good one, goddammit. About 1970 I completed another sweat-soaked tour off the coast of Vietnam, my last one. The winding down war took on a pot-smoking air of wonderful R&B tunes, loose broads, long hair and a constant party.






More and more of the guys on the ship experimented with drugs and the half dozen originals, including myself took a back seat, concerned that the man would come down on us.





You don’t want to get busted in the service. They take a much harsher attitude toward crime, and the brig isn’t fun. Shortly after we returned to Long Beach, the Captain decided a vacation to Acapulco would be a blast. I took the week off to start to look for motorcycle parts and hang out with Laurie. We were cool, when we were together, but her religion was beginning to be a downer in a world gone wild and nuts.





When the ship returned, I rode my Sportster to Dago and slipped on board and a brother met me in the radio shack on the main deck. “You wouldn’t believe the shit we scored. “Wanna try some.” I passed, while he lit up a massive doobie behind a tall rack of vacuum tube radio receivers. The dense pungent smoke and rich herbal smell filled the compartment. “It’s cool,” He muttered through the billows of smoke, but I didn’t like the overt vibe.






I slipped up to the OE office to check in and return to my duties repairing and maintain UHF line of sight communications equipment. Off the coast of Nam, the bastard, 5-inch double-barreled cannon outside my compartment hatch would make a coffee cup jump 6 inches each time it fired. It fired a great deal during my second tour, sometimes 4-hours a day. I shattered more than one coffee mug. During the third tour we mostly cruised the coast looking threatening bad.






Admiral Zumwalt took over the Navy and allowed enlisted men to grow beards.






There was a lot of talk around the ship about the score in Mexico. Seems a group of guys bought weed and stashed it in tall heavy paper burn bags and canvas life vests.






All day long guys were smoking weed and joking about the heist and the party in Mexico. About 4:30 I slipped into my small steel coffin jammed with communication equipment and considered rolling a joint for after I left the base. A couple of other guys were going to stop by and give me a taste of their score before heading out—they never showed.






I stashed my shit in a secure location about 5:30 and as soon as I left my area next to that solid steel 5-inch semi auto gun emplacement, I heard the bad news. The ship had been raided and about a dozen guys were hauled off the ship along with their 50 pounds of weed.





The ship was battleship gray. The work compartments were gray and I believe galley was painted white along with the mess hall and sick bay. I grew up believing battleships were gray for a reason and so was equipment. I can’t get over the recent paint fad in this country and the use of gray tones. Bullshit. Gray is for battleships, equipment and steel, not homes.



Gray set the tone for that cold winter day in Dago when our brothers were handcuffed and led off the ship to be sent to the base brig. Brigs are bat-shit bad, torture chambers for treasonous acts, attacking officers, deserters and murderers. They weren’t designed for kids who stashed bags of weed on a ship.






This was a new world to everyone from young guys who smoked some weed in high school, to guys who had never touched the stuff and were now experimenting. I would bet half the guys on that ship didn’t know what marijuana was. But suddenly, for a handful of young sailors the consequences of their party actions hit home hard.





The military establishment didn’t know what the hell to do with these guys. Immediately, they were threatened with prison and dishonorable discharges, which would fuck with their lives forever. I remember discussing the options with some young sailors who broke down and cried in shame and fear for the notion that their folks would find out and they would no longer have rights to the G.I. bill for college after the service.





The brigs were ruled by hardcore Marines who didn’t like sailors and treated prisoners as if they were thrust back into a bootcamp on steroids. They weren’t allowed to do anything without a Marine guard’s permission, nothing, including taking a piss, standing, sitting or eating. They couldn’t speak, except to say, “Sir, yes sir, may I take a piss sir?” Any infraction could mean a nasty baton beating or standing at attention and forced to piss your pants.





Weeks passed with only rumors on board. Slowly, the word came down that most of them would be allowed to leave the service with general discharges. Even then, they found themselves in a dreaded gray area between dishonorable and Honorable. It allowed them to leave without punishment, but also without any benefits. A couple of these guys were married and it hit them particularly hard. First, they would have no income. And at the time rebellion wasn’t accepted within most American families. These guys went home to shame and disgrace.





Here’s an official description:

“Bad paper” – or less-than-honorable discharge status from the military – can cause veterans shame, stigma, and ineligibility for VA benefits. Many veterans, and some VA health care professionals, assume that a less-than-honorable discharge status on a veteran’s discharge documents automatically disqualifies them from healthcare, disability compensation, educational assistance, and other VA benefits.



Though entitlement to benefits is unlikely if you received a less-than-honorable discharge status, there are some exceptions made by VA now. There are a variety of types of less-than-honorable discharges that carry different consequences in post-military life currently, but not in 1970. Additionally, VA can make a case-by-case determination of “character-of-discharge” that could potentially allow service members to access healthcare and other benefits, if (and only if) you request medical treatment or submit a disability compensation claim.



The ship sailed from San Diego to Long Beach for pre-tour repairs with the help of Todd’s shipyard adjacent to the Long Beach Naval Base. I remember bumping into one of my high school pals, Larry St. Marie, who had joined a union along with some other guys from high school. He was welding on our ship. I rode my modified Sportster over to Long Beach to see some to the guys from the High School fraternity I was involved it for a short time. We had gang wars with an opposing school. They were still hanging out and I didn’t get it. It was time to move on.



My XLCH had a 6-over front end, taller risers and was stripped and custom painted. I didn’t fit it, but it looked good for a guy’s first custom bike.





I stayed in touch with Larry. He got into hot rods and I believe experienced a nasty divorce that altered his thinking in a negative direction. Divorce can do that except for us outlaws who cherish freedom almost as much as love.



I was determined to leave the St. Paul before it made another passage across the Pacific. I put in for a transfer but was denied then an opportunity surfaced and I escaped to the USS Maddox.



It was a reserve Tin Can or Destroyer. A training ship that was sorta famous. Nobody ever discussed it. 

Here’s the story from Wikipedia:

The Gulf of Tonkin incident (Vietnamese: S kin Vnh Bc B), also known as the USS Maddox incident, was a disputed international confrontation that led to the United States engaging more directly in the Vietnam War. It involved both a real confrontation and a fabricated confrontation between ships of North Vietnam and the United States in the waters of the Gulf of Tonkin. The original American report blamed North Vietnam for both incidents, but the Pentagon Papers, the memoirs of Robert McNamara, and NSA publications from 2005, proved that only the first attack actually happened.



On Sunday, August 2, 1964, the destroyer USS Maddox, while performing a signals intelligence patrol as part of DESOTO operations, was claimed to have been approached by three North Vietnamese Navy torpedo boats of the 135th Torpedo Squadron. Maddox fired three warning shots, and it was claimed the North Vietnamese boats attacked with torpedoes and machine gun fire. Maddox expended over 280 3-inch (76 mm) and 5-inch (130 mm) shells in a sea battle.






According to the false report: One U.S. aircraft was damaged, three North Vietnamese torpedo boats were damaged, and four North Vietnamese sailors were killed, with six more wounded. There were no U.S. casualties. Maddox was “unscathed except for a single bullet hole from a Vietnamese machine gun round”.






It was originally claimed by the National Security Agency that a Second Gulf of Tonkin incident occurred on August 4, 1964, as another sea battle, but instead, evidence was found of “Tonkin ghosts” (false radar images) and not actual North Vietnamese torpedo boats. In the 2003 documentary The Fog of War, the former United States Secretary of Defense Robert S. McNamara admitted that the August 2 USS Maddox attack happened with no Defense Department response, but the August 4 Gulf of Tonkin attack never happened. In 1995, McNamara met with former Vietnam People’s Army General Võ Nguyên Giáp to ask what happened on August 4, 1964, in the second Gulf of Tonkin Incident. “Absolutely nothing”, Giáp replied. Giáp claimed that the attack had been imaginary.





The outcome of these two incidents was the passage by US Congress of the Gulf of Tonkin Resolution, which granted US President Lyndon B. Johnson the authority to assist any Southeast Asian country whose government was considered to be jeopardized by “communist aggression”. The resolution served as Johnson’s legal justification for deploying U.S. conventional forces and the commencement of open warfare against North Vietnam.





In 2005, an internal National Security Agency historical study was declassified; it concluded that Maddox had engaged the North Vietnamese Navy on August 2, but that there were no North Vietnamese naval vessels present during the incident of August 4. The report stated, regarding the first incident on August 2: At 1500G, Captain Herrick ordered Ogier’s gun crews to open fire if the boats approached within ten thousand yards (9,150 m). At about 1505G, Maddox fired three rounds to warn off the communist [North Vietnamese] boats. This initial action was never reported by the Johnson administration, which insisted that the Vietnamese boats fired first.





There you have it. The Maddox had a small crew and on weekends reservists came on board for training. Once or twice a year we made training sojourns to Mexico, like Mazatlán or San Francisco. Once we cruised beyond San Francisco through inland canals lined with mothballed ships. It was an eerie sight dark and forboding like a war vessel cementary.





A short biker came on board for training, Andy Hanson was building his first chopper and wanted to share it with me. He lived in Culver City and was learning how to rebuild engines from Bob George, a big round, smiling man who had an engine rebuilding shop in his back yard. We started to hang out and I started to learn about engines from Bob, who had built a wild dual-Shovelhead drag bike.





I went to the drags with these guys and when Bob popped the clutch all the primary chains snapped. Bob, the mellow, mad scientist lived until his death with a tiny angry girlfriend who screamed and yelled about anything. Bob went onto start to race at Bonneville and built a Streamliner around his dual-engine, stroked Shovelhead configuration.





I also started to hang out with Lose Bruce who worked the parts department at Long Beach Harley, where I bought my Sportster. His guys lived in North Long Beach and prepared all year for a run up north. They built cool shit and did a lot of drugs. One of the guys was hit by a truck around Gorman on the Golden State Freeway and they all returned to handle the business of the funeral.




Then they peeled out again and only got as far as San Jose where they crashed a Hispanic concert and Bruce was stabbed a bunch of times but survived. It was the era of the reds and they drove bikers wild. I was still in the service and I smoke weed, but hardly even drank.



On the artistic side these guys built bikes that had a certain flair. They were mechanically tight, not radical in any respect. And they understood the rigid frame code. Nothing messed with the lines of the frame. They only painted the tank and frame. Usually, no front fenders were used and the rear fenders were generally flat trailer fenders and chromed. At the time, we could only get trailer fenders and the old ribbed Triumph fenders.





I’ll never forget riding to Andy’s pad for the first time. He had his frame on a milk crate in the living room. It had been painted a wild metallic purple with silver flames on the Sportster tank. There weren’t any custom tanks at the time, except cheap little Peanut tanks. An extended glide was mounted to the frame with chromed neck cups, shaved trees, extended chromed legs and the lower legs were bare chromed tubes with no tabs for any fender or brake anchor. There were no disc brakes at the time.





Andy was learning Harleys fast from Bob and other builders. I believe he worked days as a machinist at an aerospace plant and at night in his garage on bikes. I helped him start H.E.S. (Harley Engine Specialties). His first product was an aluminum pressure plate for 4-speed clutches. It was a hit. I think Ben Kudon is still making them at American Prime.



While still on the Destroyer I did permenant shore patrol duty, which was actually only 30 days. Throughout the Holidays of 1970 I roamed the back streets and pike in Long Beach.





My concept of the years here is fleeting. I’m trying to stick with my first custom bike experiences before I became involved with Easyriders Magazine. But occasionally, like with Bob George I’m skipping around. I introduced Bob to Joe Teresi, the Jammer boss, and that’s how we ultimately held the world land speed record for motorcycle for 16 years.





Meanwhile back in 1970 shit was happing fast. Like today our society faced upheaval and didn’t know what the hell to do with it. We went from crew cuts and straight-laced behavior to long-haired radicals, war protests and choppers. Everything felt cool and free, and the girls went wild. Their clothes changed, their habits changed and sex changed.





We all experienced it and had to make conscious and unconscious decisions. I went from being a clean-cut serviceman with a beard to a longhaired biker going to Long Beach City College welding class to escape the service a few months early. That’s where I met Seymour, a member of the Outlaws MC who introduced me to Hangmen in San Pedro. He wanted me to become a member, but that wasn’t in the cards. I was beginning to sort through the outlaw code.





Maybe it was all about age? Just after the service I started school in Long Beach on the G.I. Bill and begged for a job at U.S. Choppers in the city of Industry. We rode with LA Sheriffs who were crazier than the Outlaws because they could be. Most cops were like the brig marines. They just wanted to kick ass and take names. We were the rebels on two wheels.





I still find it fascinating. The chopper clan represented sex, fun and artistic style as if you can build a motorcycle and ride it into an alternate universe. But some guys just see metalflake as money. More and more I begin to understand the nature of man. You can line-up five guys in a room and have a bad ass walk in and give each one the finger and say, “Fuck you, punk. You ain’t shit.”






One brother might pull a gun and blow the sonuvabitch away. Another might punch him out and another might run or make some lame excuse. Yet, another might negotiate with the guy. This equation can be applied to five guys looking at the ultimate chopper and giving his opinion. They could range from the money aspect to honor and respect to, “I wouldn’t ride that piece of shit if you paid me.”



I’m also trying to understand the lure of motorcycles and women. Laurie stood in the way of the adventure to come as did many women. For a long time, I was around bikers and outlaws who didn’t treat women well and were racists. I didn’t follow that code. I treated women with tenderness and respect, but when they stood in the way of freedom, I was forced to move on.





That also applied to various aspects of my life. If I didn’t like the way folks were treated or the direction the business was going, I had the balls to say adios, and usually it was at just the right time.





I’ve got to say that I love women and have studied them all my life. The same applies to motorcycles. There’s a sexy aspect to a chopper, it’s long and lean, tight and alluring. Here’s the perfect example: fat rear tire bikes. I’ve never built a bike with a tire bigger than 180, although I think my Indian has a 200. I didn’t like the fat tire mechanical obstacles. Then the brothers, or maybe Bert Baker came up with the right-side drive transmissions. But to me they made a bitchin custom motorcycle look like it had a fat ass.





Now I’m really fucking with the time frame. See you next time.



–Bandit

With the new 117th Congress now in session, and the Biden Administration proposing a $2 trillion transportation and infrastructure plan to reauthorize federal funding for highways, vehicle safety and public transit, before the September deadline, motorcyclists are once again tasked with including motorcycle-friendly provisions in the new highway bill.

Last session’s Moving Forward Act (H.R.2), included provision to: Increase Motorcycle Safety Funds to states by 25% (to $5.8 million); Extend the prohibition against using federal funding for motorcycle-only checkpoints, and also prohibit using federal funds to profile and stop motorcyclists based on of their mode of transportation or style of dress; Require the DOT to consider motorcycles in safety studies on autonomous vehicles and include a motorcycle safety group in the DOT working group on autonomous vehicle deployment; Extension of the Motorcyclist Advisory Council including a seat on the council for motorcyclists’ rights groups and manufacturers; and added an amendment during a floor vote in the House to provide federal monies to collect state profiling data regarding traffic stops based on “mode of transportation.”

Failing to pass, like all other failed bills, the massive transportation measure will need to be dealt with all over again in the coming months, so contact your Congressional Representatives and U.S. Senators to include these much-needed provisions in the newly introduced legislation by calling the U.S. Capitol Switchboard at (202) 224-3121.

Likewise, despite having gained over 130 bipartisan cosponsors, H. Res. 255, to address the issue of anti-biker profiling on a national level, failed due to House inaction and will need to be reintroduced and re-addressed this two-year session. Once again, the National Coalition of Motorcyclists (NCOM) and the Confederations of Clubs are calling on all motorcyclists nationwide, from patch holders to independents, to contact their Congressional Representatives to ask for their support of an anti-profiling measure in the House, similar to Senate Resolution 154 passed by unanimous consent in the U.S. Senate on December 11, 2018.

As defined by the nonbinding S.Res.154, “motorcycle profiling” means “the illegal use of the fact that a person rides a motorcycle or wears motorcycle related apparel as a factor in deciding to stop and question, take enforcement action, arrest, or search a person or vehicle with or without legal basis under the Constitution of the United States.”

The Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) has announced a “Notice of Public Rulemaking” regarding labels on E15 fuel dispensers, proposing two potential changes to the current fuel pump labels, neither of which is amenable to motorcyclists or owners of small-engine equipment which can be harmed by high alcohol content gasoline.

The EPA’s first proposal involves modifying current labeling to remove all warnings and prohibitions about E15 (15% ethanol blended fuel) use in susceptible engines, and their second is complete removal of the label from dispensing pumps.

Consumers’ concerns are that motorcycles and ATVs are not approved for its use, nor are most small air-cooled engines, and using incorrect hotter-burning fuel could cause premature wear, engine damage and void the manufacturer’s warranty.

Working around COVID-19 restrictions and regulations across the country, bikers’ rights activists are pursuing motorcycle-friendly legislation; such as in Missouri where, fresh off their helmet law repeal victory last year, they are now pushing for House Bill 490 to allow “that a motorcycle or motortricycle may be operated on the shoulder of a roadway under certain circumstances.” In similar fashion, other states are or have been lobbying for various forms of “lane-splitting” laws to allow motorcycles to travel in-between lanes of slow moving traffic, such as in Montana where riders are advocating for Senate Bill 9 to allow “motorcycle filtering,” or Oregon’s Senate Bill 574 “Relating to vehicle filtering in traffic slowdowns” to “allow operators of motorcycles to travel between lanes of traffic under certain conditions,” or in Washington where House Bill 1106 would “Modify the operation of motorcycles on roadways laned for traffic” by allowing riders to “overtake and pass in the same lane occupied by the vehicle being overtaken.”

In Pennsylvania, concerned riders are pushing to include new motorcycles in the state’s Automobile Lemon Law (House Bill 69), which unlike most states are currently not covered by the same consumer protections as cars and other vehicles.

Concerns about conspicuity, or being seen in traffic, as well as aesthetics, have prompted motorcyclists in several states to modify their auxiliary lighting laws to allow colors other than red or amber; such as Virginia’s Senate Bill 1347 which “Authorizes the use of any color auxiliary lighting, other than blue, on motorcycles and autocycles,” or New Hampshire’s House Bill 461 “relative to motorcycle auxiliary lamping, and adding the New Hampshire Motorcyclists’ Rights Organization to the traffic safety commission.”

Four separate states (WA, MD, LA & UT) have taken action to pass anti-profiling laws to restrict law enforcement from discriminatorily profiling bikers for traffic stops and investigative measures, and New York hopes to join those ranks with A1747 to “Require the municipal police training council to ensure that issues related to motorcycle profiling are addressed in basic law enforcement training.”

Considering the many legal and legislative successes for motorcyclists’ rights in 2020, contending with the worst viral plague in our lifetimes, 2021 portends even greater potential!

They say the New Year means “out with the old and in with the new,” and as we look forward to a raft of new machinery in the coming months, the introduction of new Euro5 emissions regulations means the axe is coming down on a number of older models of motorcycles.

From January 1st, new bikes sold in the EU and UK have to comply with Euro5, which is why many new models have been upgraded for 2021, but it also means some models have been “killed off” as it was either not possible or not viable to make them compatible.

So, as we herald in a New Year, we take a moment to reflect on those we’ve lost, or are about to lose, as VisorDown.com tolls the bell for those that didn’t make the regulatory cut:

Honda has furiously updated to Euro5 specs, but their aging V4 models, the VFR800F, Crossrunner and 1200 Crosstourer won’t be updated to Euro5, partly due to expense but also to lack of sales. There’s also a big question mark against the CB1100RS and CB1100EX retro roadsters, which again, are small sellers, and their air-cooled design makes any update difficult.

Despite a similar flurry of Euro5-driven model updates, Yamaha also sees some notable casualties, such as the R6 Supersport, FJR1300 sports-tourer, the XT1200Z Super Tenere, XV950R cruiser and scrambler-style SCR950, running engines dating back over a decade means it’s not viable to update them, although some may live on in non-EU markets.

Suzuki’s VStrom 250 and GSX250R are set to be dropped, but their new Hayabusa hyper-bike has been given an update to allow it to scrape by Euro5 eligibility for a stay of execution. Vulnerable Kawasaki models include the Ninja ZX-6R and Ninja 400, ZZR1400, plus their W800 retro, Z1000 R naked and its small-selling J300 and J125 scooters.

BMW’s C650 super scooters will fall by the wayside, though updates to their aging ‘pre-LC’ engine uses in their R nineT means the popular roadsters will ride on. Ducati’s new V4 Multistrada sees the end of the old 1260 V-twins, although the 950 and 1260 Enduro live on…for now.

Triumph’s line-up is already Euro5 compliant, but there remains a question mark around its popular, but slightly aging Speed Triple 1050 and Tiger Sport 1050, and rumors suggest a new version of both will appear in 2021 sporting a new 1160cc engine.

Legendary U.S. motorcycle-maker Harley-Davidson’s UK/EU model line-up will exclude its entry-level Street 750 plus the entire 883/1200 Sportster family.

As a significant caveat to all this, while non-Euro5 bikes will no longer be made, an agreement called ‘end of series’ rules gives manufacturers up to two years to clear unsold stock.

India is, in fact, the largest motorcycle market in the world, relying on motorcycles as a staple means of transportation for decades. So, it’s important to recognize, especially amidst a global pandemic, that December registered record growth for motorcycles in India with double digit growth for nearly all major manufacturers.

Despite the challenges of COVID-19, leaving many of the country’s 1.353 billion population unemployed, and the recent implementation of the BS6 standard resulting in increased pricing, the motorcycle Industry in India has posted incredible growth in the closing month of 2020.

For starters, according to RideApart.com, Yamaha posted 33% year-on-year growth last month, selling 39,224 motorcycles in December alone. When compared with other markets, Yamaha India sells as many motorcycles in a month as would be sold in a year. The same can be said for homegrown manufacturer, Royal Enfield, taking the global market by storm, posting tremendous 35% growth in December by way of selling 65,492 new units. Indian motorcycle company TVS also posted 13% year-on-year growth amid all the challenges 2020 threw on the table, boasting an impressive 258,000 two-wheelers sold.

Speaking of this year, nearly all motorcycle manufacturers in India have stepped up their game for the 2021 model year, meaning we can expect the motorcycle industry in the country to get even stronger.

The U.K. is yet again inflicting another full lockdown, due to the deadly China Virus spread, with Prime Minister Boris Johnson initiating tough new stay-at-home orders for at least seven weeks until at least mid-February.

Those looking to their motorcycle as an escape route to deal with implications of the pandemic could put them in violation of COVID-19 guidelines and risk being fined. The U.K has moved into Tier 5, the highest level of COVID-19 alert the nation has seen, and with that you may now only leave the house if you have a “reasonable excuse,” written into law and the police can fine those in breach for the first offense of £200 ($273.19USD), doubling up for further offenses up to a maximum of £6,400 ($8,742.18).

England and Northern Ireland have joined Scotland, Wales and Ireland in implementing the toughest travel restrictions since the original lockdown last March, meaning that in all four Home Nations you can only ride a motorcycle as transport under certain circumstances, and being caught riding not as part of an ‘essential journey’ could levy a hefty fine.

As in previous shutdowns, certain essential businesses will be allowed to stay open, and while that list includes vehicle repair and MOT (Ministry of Transport) testing services, motorcycle training and test centers are not included and all types of vehicle driving tests are suspended.

This latest lockdown has also seen all motorcycle related activities stopped immediately including track days, trials and endures.

Norway’s national government intends to drastically cut its greenhouse gas emissions in half by the year 2030, aiming to become a zero-emission country by 2050, so by 2025 the current plan is to completely do away with the sale of all new combustion vehicles (including motorcycles).

By way of ratcheting up public incentives for EVs (Electric Vehicles) in reducing taxes, tolls, parking and ferry fees; battery electric vehicles have already outsold piston-powered cars, making up 54% of total car sales overall in Norway.

“In Norway, we tax what we don’t want and we promote what we want, and the consumer has, in this way, actually the opportunity to make the right choice,” Norsk elbilforening secretary-general Christina Bu told the Huffington Post.

QUOTABLE QUOTE: “The successful revolutionary is a statesman, the unsuccessful one a criminal.”
~ Erich Fromm (1900-1980), psychoanalyst and author

ABOUT AIM / NCOM: The National Coalition of Motorcyclists (NCOM) is a nationwide motorcyclists rights organization serving over 2,000 NCOM Member Groups throughout the United States, with all services fully-funded through Aid to Injured Motorcyclist (AIM) Attorneys available in each state who donate a portion of their legal fees from motorcycle accidents back into the NCOM Network of Biker Services (www.ON-A-BIKE.com / 800-ON-A-BIKE).

1: All daily-news journalists are failed or in-the-process-of-failing fiction writers.

Daily-news journalism is a category of the trade called “writing.” “Writing” is a trade that embraces a slew of categories, all of which require that they be “read” to be “fulfilled.” A painting or drawing or sculpture has to be “seen” and a musical composition or sonic composition has to be “heard” and an architectural structure has to be “seen” and is usually inhabited and thus has to be “physical friendly” to human bodies and human emotional states and writing needs to be “read.”
This collection of stuff is sometimes called the “arts.”

The “arts” can also include “practical” items, although the species of pompous gasbags known as “art critics” will argue this until their mothers tell them to stop. Whoever designed the Winchester 94 was an artist. Anyone who has one loves looking at it, whether or not it is being used for its primary function which is to propel metal and end a life way over there, and then do it again a half dozen more times quickly before reloading. Should an art critic ever be informed-of or actually be shown what a Winchester 94 is he would throw his panties at you if you dared to say it was a work of art.

2: “Writing” is one of the arts, or considered artistic, only if-and-when it’s judged by the panties-hurling gentlemen referenced above to be “literature.” All who declare themselves “writers,” in some dungeon of their soul, want to write literature. Because if you write literature that means that you are “a good writer.”

“Literature” comes in two forms: prose and poetry. Prose is sentences, usually conveying real-life practicalities or realities. Poetry is formulaic word-assembly, sometimes in patterns and rhyme, usually to inflict upon the reader the heart and soul of the fellow writing it. Burma Shave ditties, once conveyed in advertising signs along the highway, are not poetry except when I write them. Then they are a category of poetry called “filthy poetry.”

Daily-news journalism is the bottom rung of “writing,” just behind “school textbook” writing. While they are both abysmal from a competence standpoint, they differ in that school textbook writing is written to put you to sleep while daily-news journalism is designed to upset you and instill fear and ruin your day. Another difference is that school textbook writing is nominally factual except history books which are only accurate up to 1492 AD, while daily-news journalism is fiction 100% of the time, usually propelled by a political or personal agenda. Not many people are prepared to call textbooks “lies.” Daily-news journalism on the other hand is nothing but lies. And the reason is….item # 1 above.

3: Fiction writers write lies that every reader knows ahead of time even before they read the fiction….that’s it’s lies. All fiction books announce themselves as fiction: someone – a writer – sat down and started writing lies. Even if the fiction story actually happened the reader does not concern himself with that. The story is announced as fiction and that’s the end of it. However, the names have to be changed to fictional names. The events can be actually true…..but the announcement is made that it’s fiction and that the names are changed. Most fiction however is sheer fabrication. And everyone understands that going in. You read fiction to be told a story. Fiction is make-believe.

4: Daily-news journalism claims to be true. However, it is lies. It is make-believe. Because the journalists are writing fiction in the only venue that will get them readers: the news. Were they to write a novel or a short story no one would read it because it would be so bad. In their role as fiction-writers claiming to be fact-writers, daily-news journalists spare themselves the problem of being sued for libel or slander by inventing a vocabularic “buffer zone” between themselves and the lies they are telling you. That is why you see the word “report” often at the end or beginning of a headline: “Trump kills small negro child with grenade then eats the parents: report.” This means that you are being informed via a report…of a report. You are not being told the incident happened. You are being told that a report of the incident – which may or may not have happened – happened. The report of the incident happened. The incident probably did not.

Naturally you believe the report of a report because it is “news.” People believe the news. Even though it is 95% fiction. Most “reports” in daily-news journalism come from the journalist writing the story. He reports something imaginary to himself and then he will tell you about it via the keyboard, leaving out the fact that he’s reporting on one of his own reports. Which he made up.

“Trump throws thousands of bags of terrifiedly-mewing kittens off the roof of one of his high-rises and then ignites the bags into flame by remote control while laughing at their pain according to sources close to the former President who spoke on conditions of anonymity said an expert familiar with the story who did not wish to be identified” translates into “I am now going to tell you a whopper I just made up.”

5: Words used to keep the journalist out of court are “sources,” “may,” “could,” “has been shown,” “studies suggest,” “might,” “spoke under conditions of anonymity,” “the whistleblower said,” (whistleblowers do not have to be identified, thus granting immunity to liars, assuming the liars even exist, which is often not the case in a daily-news journalism fiction tale.) “Sources” are nine times out of ten the journalist himself making something up. He’s the “source.” “Studies suggest” is a two-fisted sluggo-festival to your brain inasmuch as a study is not a “finding” or a “fact” or a “result of an experiment.” Which makes them basically nothing. The fact that nothing is then used as a basis to suggest something…is taking nerve, moxie and unmitigated gall to an almost admirable level of bursting-out-of-the-starting-gate preposterousness. What’s even more preposterous is that the words “studies suggest” is interpreted by the idiot reader as “this is an undisputed fact, I am not balls-out lying to you right now.” But yes he is.

6: You might be asking yourself “Why do daily-news journalists do this?”

They do it because they are the people actually running America and it’s fun. And they’re not just in America. I know what you’re thinking, “Yes, they are also in Russia and Iran!” No! They are in England and France and Canada and Australia! The Guardian and The Telegraph in England are more fixated on the USA then they are on England. I guess they figure the jihadists are so well entrenched in England and Canada and Australia and France that they don’t need any more assistance from the Press. Whereas in America there is still some resistance to turning America into a caliphate. Not a lot but some.

You might also be asking “How is it daily-news journalists are running the Country?”

Well, because of the First Amendment. Daily-news journalists have convinced everyone who isn’t a daily-news journalist that the “news” is the only actual job mentioned in the Constitution. Which is almost true. Actually, the ink and mechanical device itself is what is being talked about, not the propaganda cabal known as The Press. But I’ll let them have this one. Sometimes – rarely-daily-news journalists utter a truth. It’s always inadvertent.

Since the job of daily-news journalism is mentioned in the Constitution, and since it is declared “safe from Federal onslaughts against it” the average American dunce comes to the subconscious conclusion that the “press” is superior to the Constitution. Which in fact it is. That’s nothing: it is also superior to everyone in public office, including the President, the head of the Pentagon and any other American bureaucrat – or private citizen – you might want to suggest. The Press has also realized this and did so a lot sooner than I did, to the extent that, in yet another back cartwheel double Axel tour-zhah-tay crossover toe-hold of breathtaking nerve, the press has declared itself The Fourth Estate.

The first three “estates” considered “real” by medieval philosophers and other unemployables and “political scientists” of the time were the nobility, the clergy, and the peasantry. The nobility and the clergy needed the peasantry as slaves so they could survive, and the slaves were programmed to believe that they needed the nobility and the clergy as protectors in order for them to survive this life and the next one otherwise the slaves would all kill each other, having no guidance.

The “press,” created by a man named Gutenberg – who inadvertently created reporters in the creating of the printing press – the “press” announced – quite boldly and without embarrassment – “All three of you need us: ‘us’ being the Self-Proclaimed Fourth Estate. We can make you topple or we can make you thrive. You decide. Being nice to us and worshipping us will get you more friends among us than calling us names will.” This worked! And the Press hasn’t struck out since.

Witness the actions and emotional rollercoaster of anger and befuddlement that a “press secretary” who is unliked by the press performs as he takes “questions” from the daily-news journalists. He doesn’t see them or think of them as worthless untalented loser asshole snots who can’t think a thought that has not been written-out for them beforehand by Karl Marx in the Communist Manifesto. No, he thinks of them as cunning wary super-intelligent magicians who in an instant can form-up into a pack. Which they are actually already in, they don’t need anything as meaningless and impotent and frightened as a Press Secretary to unify against a common enemy, which would be anyone who does not properly bow down to them and beg them for favorable write-ups. Daily-news journalists are more unified against all critics than cops are. There is nothing more pathetic and strangely entertaining than seeing a “press secretary” try and deal with the press. It’s like watching a blind chihuahua trying to deal with a circling clutch of adult and starving hyenas. At a “press conference” the two sides are not discussing plans and events: they are courtroom recreations with one side on the witness stand and the other side attempting to prosecute. The “press” is always the prosecutor. And the press has never lost a case when it unites itself in order to divide others and infuriate press secretaries. Which pastimes news-writers consider reminders as to who is actually running things.

Daily-news journalists and bureaucrats go head-to-head because they both have one thing in common they can relax about and relate to each other about: neither knows what the actual “job” of government is. No one on earth knows. Have you noticed daily-news journalists rarely write about anything not government-related? That’s because they can say anything they want to politically since no one knows what government actually is. Since the bureaucrats also don’t know what government is but do know that people obey all its billions of edicts and in fact respect and pay homage to the edicts, you have two of the “estates” – the nobility and the press – vying for dominance against the lesser influence and power of the clergy and the populace; the populace being the people paying the mortgages for the other three. And doing it willingly and with enthusiasm and even with surgical masks on their faces as commanded by the bureaucrats and the daily-news journalists.

One other thing the press and the public servants know is that being “moral” – which has never had a definition anyone in history has ever agreed on – is what both sides are claiming superiority in and they both agree that your job as a non-bureaucrat non-journalist is to trust their righteousness and do as they tell you. Because mommy knows best. You do not want to be immoral.

7: Daily-news journalists are all aligned and in lockstep on all political issues presently holding sway, which would be Collectivism, and on all determinations of what people in particular are deserving of “favorable press” and what people are going to instead be driven to despair and hopeless and utter oblivion by the press. There are no renegade journalists in The Media.

No ambitious journalist who wants to get promoted out of the mailroom at Rolling Stone or Esquire is ever going to say in print that the journalists at the New York Times and the bottom-feeding untalented failed novelists and failed screenwriters at the Washington Press Corps who are getting-even with their mothers for turning them into shit-fitting little girls and getting-even for God making them ugly, uncoordinated, tone-deaf, rhythmically challenged and bad-at-writing petulant snots who spray food all over the room when they eat and can’t get heterosexual dates……are shitty writers and idiot thinkers. Not if he ever wants a career in bad writing.

8: The daily-news journalist’s audience is “everyone.” No other writer can make that claim or assumption. No intelligent writer would want to make that claim. Only a daily-news journalist is comfortable within his shallow, limited soul enough to boast that he has no target audience. He writes for any dimwitted naive imbecile who will pay him the homage of considering him “objective and fair.” To have a target audience a journalist has to focus on what his audience wants to hear. Not what he wants the audience to be converted to. Which would be obedient idiots. Like himself.

To have a “target audience” a daily-news journalist would have to be able to do or know something or have some sort of empathy or rapport with a group that was not a group of journalists. Which will never happen. Daily-news journalists are isolated, usually homely, unambitious incompetents who have stumbled onto a secret pathway – “the press” – to inflict upon everyone else what Nature inflicted upon them: neuroses.

9:There is no such thing as objective or fair “news.” There is only intentionally erroneous or misleading fiction from….that’s right, failed fiction writers. You might ask, “What is it about daily-news writers that make them so dedicated to lying to everyone?’ And the answer is they are getting even for failing at appealing to any specific target-audience. Their motivating engine to get them to the pad and pencil is to have their name read by others. Forget about what the name actually wrote, since daily-news journalists can’t write worth a crap.

Read a New Yorker article or a Huffington Post article, both entities of which write for no one in particular. If there’s a difference in the two the difference is you can actually understand what the Huffington failed-novelist is trying to communicate because Huffington “news” is geared to the mind of a child.

The New Yorker article, on the other hand, might as well have been written by a stream-of- consciousness gymnast doing floor exercises on the keyboard. They’re so sophisticated you can’t possibly rise to that level of insight. Bring whiskey when you read it, that’s what the writer brought when he wrote it. You come-away from a Huffington article with the yucky feeling that you have just been lectured-to by a third grader telling you off. You come-away from a New Yorker article wondering 1: why you read what you just read and 2: why other people will consider you quite the inquiring intellectual for having read it.

10: The word “expert,” the word “explainer” and the words “here’s what we know.”

The fact that 99% of the literate global population are now journalists thanks to “social media” and the home computer has resulted in the “real” journalists – the ones affiliated with an “authentic” news “source,” such as
Refinery 29
Salon
The Huffington Post
The Daily Beast
Bloomberg News
Politico
Yahoo News
Yahoo Finance
Yahoo Sports
Esquire
Elle
GQ
Rolling Stone
The Washington Post
Reuters (rhymes with goiters)
AP
AFP (whatever that even is)
The National Interest
Buzzfeed
The Guardian (England)
The New York Times
Time
Newsweek
USA Today
ABC
NBC
CBS
FOX
CNN
Atlantic
The New Yorker
The Independent
Marie Claire
Cosmopolitan
NPR
PBS
Vogue
Sierra Club
AARP
The Economist
The Realist
National Review (lost and confused, sometimes accurate)
Variety
Business Insider
all art publications on planet earth
all entertainment magazines on planet earth
most “science” publications on planet earth ESPECIALLY Scientific American
National Geographic (except for the tit pics of the lives that matter on the Savannah)
Popular Mechanics!!!!!!!! Yes!!!!
Hello giggles
Eat This Not That
The Weather Channel
Redbook
Glamour
The Telegraph (England)
Scary Mommy
Bazaar
The Wrap
Marketwatch
Deadline
She Says
all local newspapers
Barrons
The Conversation

…. to successfully having all sensible dissension removed from social media to emphasize the “fact” that they are the upper apartments of the journalist totem pole and they demonstrate this by eliminating the “comments” section of their articles, printing only like-minded Twitter barbs, and claiming to be getting information from “experts” that are more than qualified to “explain” today’s political lies to you since they are experts, plus which experts are the correct experts and which experts are not to be paid attention to, and then do it with even more lies of their own thrown in. “Here’s what we know” is especially nervy inasmuch as 1: journalists actually know nothing whatsoever and 2: they amazingly insist that their lack of knowledge is still more knowledgeable than your surfeit of it. Keep in mind and always remember and never forget that you are being “explained”-to by someone who has never been able to write for a target audience. So, he is instead writing to you. Since you are not a part of any reality any more than he is. Obviously, since you are reading him. This of course is another journalist lie. But one he manages to subconsciously get you to accept as fact, as you very likely accept all news-utterances as fact.

11: Who lies more, daily-news journalists, or bureaucrats and the new branch of government called “health advisors.” That is the question. Studies suggest they are eternally neck and neck and neck. However, sources close to the persons involved who spoke on condition of anonymity based on a hidden recording provided by a whistleblower closely involved with the matter insist the daily-news journalists are always the ones winning the Who’s Really in Charge Here race.

12: Thank you.

–jj solari

The Harley-Davidson V-twin Racing Street Custom, or VRSC for short, is a bike like no other in the Milwaukee company’s portfolio. Born in 2001 as a means to mainly fight off the Japanese muscle bikes (but others, too), it stayed in production long enough to draw in a massive fan base, but also to stir an entire custom industry based around it.

As one of Europe’s (and probably one of the world’s) largest custom motorcycle garages, German Thunderbike transformed the VRSC into a core product as well, coming up over the years with all sorts of builds based on what was at the time of its introduction the first Harley street bike with a modern engine with DOHC and liquid cooling.

We’ve seen a number of these VRSC-based Thunderbike builds over the past year or so, but these guys’ portfolio is so vast we’ll probably keep on talking about it for a while longer.

We’’ll kick off this weekend with something called Track Racer, a VRSC conversion described as a true power cruiser. The build is based on one of the many VRSC variants thrown into the mix over the line’s existence, the V-Rod – that would be the variant that was in production from 2002 to 2006, when the Night Rod made its way out into the open.

Wrapped in black with effective traces of red on the massive fuel tank and fenders, the bike is the recipient of a large number of changes. There’s a new, custom swingarm, new wheels, a bespoke body kit, new fenders, in-house pulley and brake discs, but also smaller parts, like custom grips, radiator cover and license plate frame.

The entire build, looking like a very shiny muscle bike with an attitude, cost around 6,000 euros ($7,200 at today’s exchange rates) to put together, but that does not include the base bike, the man-hours, and probably a host of other parts we are not being told anything about.

 

I have had my 2019 Harley-Davidson Street Glide for a while now, and the one thing I wanted to change was the sound of the audio.

A small fix was to raise my windshield height which helped. Since I bought the bike, I had my eye on upgrading the fairing and saddlebag lids with Harley’s flagship Stage II Boom Audio speakers and amps.

A decision that needs to be made is whether you want to go Stage I or Stage II, the system cannot be mixed. Also, if you are planning on doing this yourself, beware Radio EQ MUST be updated by Harley-Davidson Dealer BEFORE operating the Audio System. Operating the audio system prior to radio EQ update will IMMEDIATELY damage the speakers. This can be done in advance although I waited until the job was complete.

The upgrade comes with detailed instruction and I suggest you read through them before installation, which is straightforward with basic tools although easier with a short-key torx wrench.

 

First thing to do is remove main fuse.

Remove the windshield by removing the three bolts at top of outer fairing.

Then remove outer fairing by taking out the two bolts on the inside of inner fairing on both sides.

 

Remove the harness anchor from each speaker enclosure.

Right side only: Disconnect power port. Left side only, CB-equipped models: Disconnect CB and CB antenna. DO NOT remove the module.

Remove the three screws securing the lower portion of the enclosure to the fairing support bracket

Remove the two screws securing the upper portion of the enclosure to the upper support bracket. A short wrench is required to do this.

 Do not remove any of the screws securing the speaker enclosure halves together.

Remove three screws securing the speaker enclosure to the inner fairing. Remove the speaker enclosure from the vehicle.

Remove four screws to free the speaker from the enclosure.

Disconnect wires. Remove the speaker from the enclosure.

Remove the three screws securing the speaker grille to the inner fairing. Remove the speaker.

Repeat steps to remove the remaining speaker enclosure, speaker and grille.

Install amplifier kit using the provided brackets above the radio

 Position the woofer over the opening in the speaker enclosure. Note the letters “A” and “B” stamped on the outer rim (C) of the speaker.

 For the left speaker, rotate so the letter “B” is at the bottom.

For the right speaker, rotate so the letter “A” is at the bottom.

 

Attach the speaker jumper wire connectors inside the speaker enclosure to the spade terminals.

On the back of the new woofer: Different size spade contacts prevent improper assembly.

 

NOTE

The tweeter/midrange fairing speaker assemblies are side-specific.

 The right speaker trim ring has the text “BOOM! AUDIO STAGE II” to the right of the tweeter housing. The left speaker trim ring has no text.

Rotate the speaker so the tweeter is at the top, inboard of the upper mounting hole.

Fasten the speaker to the enclosure with the four screws removed earlier. Tighten.

Torque to 14–20 in-lbs

From the inside, insert the correct tweeter/midrange speaker assembly through the speaker opening in the inner fairing. Secure with three TORX screws removed earlier.

Torque to 9–12 in-lbs

Repeat steps for the opposite speakers.

Install one speaker enclosure to the inner fairing. Secure with 3 hex socket screws removed earlier.

Torque: to 48–60 in-lbs.

Secure the lower portion of the enclosure to the fairing support bracket with 3 hex head socket screws removed earlier.

Torque to 18–24 ft-lbs.

Secure the enclosure to the upper support bracket with 2 hex socket screws.

Torque to 48–60 in-lbs.

Repeat steps the with the remaining enclosure.

 

NOTICE

Radio EQ MUST be updated by a Harley-Davidson dealer BEFORE operating the audio system. Operating the audio system prior to radio EQ update will IMMEDIATELY damage the speakers. (00645d)

1.         See the service manual. Install main fuse.

2.         Have a Harley-Davidson dealer update the radio EQ using Digital Technician II.

3.         Turn the ignition ON, but do not start the motorcycle.

4.         Refer to the BOOM! BOX INFOTAINMENT SYSTEM section of the owner’s manual. Turn the radio ON. Make sure that all speakers are working and front/rear fader function is operating correctly. If not, check speaker wiring. Understand that buzzing, squeaks and rattles could be heard until outer fairing is installed.

5.         See the service manual. Install the outer fairing and windshield.

6.         Avoid direct contact with speaker grilles by a pressure washer. Damage to speakers can result.

I loaded the bike up and took it to Space Coast Harley Davidson, my local dealer. The tech was super knowledgeable with all my questions as usual and had the bike upgraded in about 30 minutes.

 I have been able to play with the system for a little time now and have to say I am impressed. When thinking about starting this project, I read some bad reviews and good ones. I also had asked around at my local dealerships too.

The parts used in this install can be found at the links below.

Boom! Audio Stage II Amplifier Kit – Fairing Mounted

Part Number: 76000278A

https://www.harley-davidson.com/us/en/shop/Boom-Audio-Stage-II-Amplifier-Kit-Fairing-Mounted/p/76000278A

Boom! Audio Stage II Batwing Fairing Speaker Kit

Part Number: 76000955

https://www.harley-davidson.com/us/en/shop/Boom-Audio-Stage-II-Batwing-Fairing-Speaker-Kit/p/76000955

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MINNEAPOLIS (January 26, 2021) – Indian Motorcycle redefined what an American V-Twin can be with the introduction of its category-defying FTR platform in 2019. Now, America’s First Motorcycle Company is taking the beloved FTR platform to a whole new level with a host of enhancements to the 2022 FTR line-up. Born and evolved as the ultimate intersection of style and performance, the FTR updates include a thoughtfully refined engine, a suspension tuned for the street, and 17” tires and wheels; together delivering world-class performance while making the bike feel more compact and maneuverable.

“The FTR is unlike any other motorcycle in its ability to deliver superior performance while making a powerful statement of style and self-expression. The updates we’ve delivered further solidify that promise for even the most discerning riders,” said Mike Dougherty, President of Indian Motorcycle. “Indian Motorcycle has always pushed the bounds of motorcycling, innovated, and continuously improved and I think the new FTR is another great example of that.”

Amidst the ever-popular neo-retro segment, the FTR stands out thanks to its American heritage, iconic silhouette, and class-leading fit and finish. In addition to style, the FTR delivers an unmatched feature set including a 4.3-inch digital touch screen display and a 1203cc liquid-cooled V-twin engine that produces 120 horsepower and 87 ft-lbs of torque. With its perfect balance of style and performance the FTR lineup delivers a truly superior riding experience.

“The FTR has a totally unique feel, which riders of all experience levels love. Our aim was to preserve that DNA, while at the same enhance and refine the bike,” said Ben Lindaman, Product Director for Indian Motorcycle. “The end result is a stunning, one-of-a-kind motorcycle that oozes retro character but still begs you to twist the throttle and get after it.”
 
All new FTR models feature a retuned engine calibration that refines cold start performance, and delivers a smoother, more predictable throttle response. Additional FTR lineup enhancements include the following:

The FTR, FTR S, and FTR R Carbon models are outfitted with 17-inch cast aluminium wheels wrapped with Metzeler Sportec street tires – resulting in precision handling in corners and nimble handling on the street. Smaller wheels, along with the bike’s front and rear suspension which offer 120mm of travel, contribute to a lower seat height by 1.4-inches – opening the door for more riders to throw a leg over the FTR. Additionally, the ProTaper handlebars were trimmed by 1.5-inches (40mm) to support the bike’s nimble handling and give riders more control.

Additional updates for the new FTR line further refine rider comfort. These three models offer fully adjustable front and rear suspension, a new feature added to the FTR base, as well as cylinder deactivation to manage engine heat when the motorcycle is idle.

Additionally, each FTR model packs a host of standard features that carry over from previous FTR iterations. An inverted front suspension tuned for the street, along with radially mounted dual Brembo brakes provide riders with exceptional control and superior stopping power, while cruise control contributes to a comfortable ride.

Key points of differentiations between models, include the following:

FTR
Starting at $12,999, the base FTR features an analog gauge and is available in Black Smoke with red accents throughout, including red pinstripes on the wheels, red Indian Motorcycle script branding across the tank, and a red rear shock spring.

FTR S
With two paint options, Maroon Metallic and White Smoke, the FTR S begins at $14,999. The premium offering includes Indian Motorcycle’s 4.3-inch touchscreen display, which offer phone integration via Bluetooth or USB and configurable gauges. The FTR S is standard with an upgraded Akrapovic exhaust, three ride modes, wheelie control with rear lift mitigation, stability control, traction control and cornering ABS. Additionally, a fast-charging USB port provides a convenient means to staying charged.

FTR R Carbon
The FTR R Carbon sits at the top as the premier model in the FTR lineup. In addition to the aforementioned features listed with the FTR S, the FTR R Carbon sets itself apart with carbon fiber tank covers, front fender and headlight nacelle, fully adjustable Öhlins gold front fork and gold piggyback shock, a black Akrapovic exhaust, premium seat cover, and numbered badging on the console. The FTR R Carbon is available starting at $16,999.

FTR Rally
Maintaining its scrambler aesthetic, the FTR Rally features Pirelli Scorpion Rally STR tires over wire-spoke wheels with an 18-inch in the rear and 19-inch in front. Like other FTR models, the FTR Rally receives the refined engine calibration and throttle response, along with rear cylinder deactivation. The FTR Rally’s ProTaper handlebars are two inches higher than other FTR models for better comfort and handling with a more relaxed ergonomic position. The FTR Rally features an analog gauge and is available starting at $13,999 in Titanium Smoke.

An ideal platform for personalization, the FTR also receives an expanded offering of style, performance and comfort accessories. New style accessories include new tank pads available in black and clear, while a host of carbon fiber parts are now available, including chain guards, V-Covers, radiator guards and a
17-inch front

17-inch front fender. Riders can also upgrade their suspension with an Öhlins forks and shock kit, while riders looking to go the extra mile can add a rear rack bag, R Carbon Seat and a USB charging port.

In addition, Indian Motorcycle is carrying over more than 60 FTR parts and accessories. Designed with the perfect fitment, riders can personalize their FTR with a full accessory line ranging from tank covers to high and low-mount Akrapovic exhaust options, storage bags, a luggage rack, a mid-windshield and more.

The 2022 FTR lineup will begin shipping to Indian Motorcycle dealers throughout the U.S. and Canada in spring 2021. Riders can learn more at their local Indian Motorcycle dealership, by visiting IndianMotorcycle.com, or by following along on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

Brisbane’s Gallery of Modern Art (GOMA) opens the world exclusive exhibition ‘The Motorcycle: Design, Art, Desire’ tomorrow, featuring 100 exceptional motorcycles from the 1870s to the present.

Queensland Art Gallery, Gallery of Modern Art (QAGOMA) Director Chris Saines said ‘The Motorcycle’, showing until 26 April, 2021 celebrates 150 years of motorcycle history and included multiple interactive experiences for all ages.

‘Curated by US-based design curator and physicist Professor Charles M Falco and writer and filmmaker Ultan Guilfoyle in collaboration with QAGOMA, the exhibition features pioneering motorcycles and classic commuters, off-road bikes and speed machines, as well as custom creations and numerous electric bikes heralding the future,’ Mr Saines said.

‘The exhibition has a green screen motorcycle riding experience, a motorcycle design studio for building and customising virtual bikes, and a mobile companion site which enables audiences to navigate the show and dive deeper into the history and stories behind each bike on display.

‘This is a must-see experience for bike and motor sport enthusiasts, and it’s equally accessible for anyone with a love of popular culture, design, technology and social history,’ Mr Saines said.

‘The Motorcycle’ will be accompanied by virtual talks and tours, storytelling events, trivia nights, and ‘Motorcycles on the Green’ on 27 February and 18 April 2021, featuring over 60 motorcycles from local community groups, live custom bike builds, DJs and more.

Minister for the Arts Leeanne Enoch said ‘The Motorcycle: Design, Art, Desire’ was the first major exhibition to motor into QAGOMA since COVID-19.

‘As of last week, Queensland is the first state in Australia to open our cultural venues to significantly more visitors,’ Minister Enoch said.

‘This is a testament to the achievement of all Queenslanders who have listened to and followed the health advice.

‘The exhibition will be a drawcard for local visitors as well as those who are taking the opportunity to explore our state, that is now open for business,’ she said.

‘The Palaszczuk Government investment of nearly $60 million, including the $22.5 million Arts and Cultural Recovery Package, is vital in sustaining the sector, supporting new work, re-opening our cultural venues, delivering digital programming and supporting COVID-safe audience experiences across the State.’

‘The Palaszczuk Government’s blockbuster funding for QAGOMA provides funding of $4 million over two years (2019–2020 and 2020–2021) to support exclusive exhibitions like this in Queensland, revving up our reputation as a must-see visual arts destination.’

On 19 and 20 March 2021, Up Late returns to GOMA for an after-hours celebration of ‘The Motorcycle’ and live music performances across two jam-packed nights.

Co-curator of the exhibition Professor Charles M Falco said ‘The Motorcycle’, presented across GOMA’s entire ground floor, would feature bikes ranging from the steam-powered 1871 Perreaux Vélocipède, the world’s first motorcycle designed by Louis-Guillame Perreaux, to the electric-powered 2020 Savic C-Series Alpha, from Australian automotive designer Dennis Savic.

‘The show encompasses the span of motorcycle history, design and capability, from steam power, through internal combustion engines, and into the future with electric motors. Among the highlights are impressive speed machines, such as a Burt Munro 1920 Indian Streamliner, a record setting 1951 Vincent Black Lightning, an original 1974 Ducati 750SS and a rare 1994 Britten V1000, created by legendary New Zealand design engineer, John Britten. Sleek contemporary custom creations include Max Hazan’s 2016 ‘Black Knight’, Daryl Villenueva’s 2016 ‘Bandit 9 Eve Mk II’, Craig Rodsmith’s 2018 ‘Corps Léger’ and Bryan Fuller’s 2019 Moto ‘2029’,’ Professor Falco said.

Co-curator Ultan Guilfoyle said moving image was integral to the exhibition with many high definition video screens playing important examples of the motorcycle on film from the earliest days to the present.

‘The exhibition explores in depth the abstract world of avant-garde custom designs and includes the work of Australia’s leading motorcycle custom designer, Deus Ex Machina. It also highlights the important role gender has played in motorcycle history, with the inclusion of the Vespa and the Honda Cub, two bikes designed specifically with working women in mind, through to great objects of desire such as the Ducati Monster which was designed not only to look cool, but to be ridden easily by either men or women,’ Mr Guilfoyle said.

‘Motorcycles on Screen’ is the major film program of more than 50 titles showing at GOMA for the duration of the exhibition. The free program features films from the silent era through to the present including classics Roman Holiday 1953, The Wild One 1953, The Great Escape 1963, Easy Rider 1969, Terminator 2: Judgment Day 1991 and iconic Australian films Stone 1974, Mad Max 1979, Shame 1988 and Finke: There and Back 2018. Excerpts of many of these films along with rare archival footage and contemporary video artworks centred on the motorcycle will also punctuate each space in the exhibition.

Alongside ‘The Motorcycle’, some of Australia’s most acclaimed contemporary artists respond to the motorcycle helmet in ‘Full Face: Artists’ Helmets’. Artists who have customised helmets in their own distinct styles for the showcase include Archie Moore, Brian Robinson, Callum McGrath, David Booth (ghostpatrol), Eric Bridgeman and Alison Wei, eX de Medici, Guan Wei, Kate Beynon, Madeleine Kelly, Monika Behrens, Nell, Reko Rennie, Robert Moore, Shaun Gladwell and TextaQueen.

‘The Motorcycle’ is accompanied by a themed exhibition store retailing an exclusive range of Deus Ex Machina x QAGOMA t-shirts, totes, caps and badges and a major hardcover book co-published by Phaidon Press celebrating the history and future of the motorcycle. The image-rich 320-page publication can be purchased at the GOMA Store or online at www.qagoma.qld.gov.au/store.

For more information on the extensive public programs accompanying ‘The Motorcycle: Design, Art, Desire’ or to secure your tickets to the exhibition please visit www.qagoma.qld.gov.au/themotorcycle.

‘The Motorcycle: Design, Art, Desire’ is supported by the Queensland Government through Tourism and Events Queensland and features on the It’s Live! in Queensland events calendar.

TICKETS

THE MOTORCYCLE
DESIGN, ART, DESIRE
28 NOV 2020 – 26 APR 2021
GOMA | GALLERY 1.1 THE FAIRFAX GALLERY, GALLERY 1.2, GALLERY 1.3 ERIC & MARION TAYLOR GALLERY | TICKETED
Discover a whole new perspective of The Motorcycle.

Get your motor running… ‘The Motorcycle: Design, Art, Desire’ opens the throttle on the ground-breaking designs that shaped one of the most iconic objects the world has ever seen.

Featuring radical concepts, record breakers and road icons, the fully-immersive exhibition showcases 100 of the greatest motorcycles ever assembled.

Show off your ride with #MotorcycleGOMA | Read more about the motorcycles

BUY TICKETS

Tickets are also available to purchase onsite between 10.00am – 4.15pm. Visit our ticket information page for details on ticket prices, accepted concessions, companion cards, season tickets etc.

This world-exclusive exhibition, only in Brisbane will showcase the art, design and history of one of the most iconic objects of the last 150 years, the motorcycle.

Featuring more than 100 innovative and influential motorcycles from the 1860s to present day, it will consider the iconic vehicle from the perspective of social history, popular culture, design and technology.

The exhibition will tap into the appeal of this enduring object of design and art, looking at the motorcycle’s past, present and future.

EXHIBITION OVERVIEW

The world’s first steam-powered ‘motorcycle’ was assembled in the late 1860s, more than a decade before the first automobile was designed, and by the early twentieth century all the elements of the modern, internal combustion engine-powered motorcycle had developed. Over the next 120 years, changes in design reflected developments in technology, engineering and manufacturing, as well as the motorcycle’s evolving functions as an inexpensive mode of transportation, racing and on- or off- road vehicle and as an expression of individual creativity. These innovations changed the face of transportation, and the motorcycle has not only become an enduring design icon, but also established its place in society through popular culture, literature and film.

This exhibition offers a rare opportunity to see geographically and historically diverse motorcycles together in one place. From the hubs of motorcycle manufacturing in the United Kingdom, the United States and Japan to less likely sources of unique designs in New Zealand and Australia, ‘The Motorcycle’ showcases a machine at the pinnacle of design excellence and evokes a world of innovation, excitement and desire.

 EXHIBITION HIGHLIGHTS

When the first motorcycles appeared on roads at the end of the nineteenth century, it was inevitable riders would want to know whose bike went fastest, and who was the better, quicker rider. Thus, motorcycle sport was born and various forms of competition quickly developed – including road racing, cross-country, track racing and hill climbing – each prompting new and specialized motorcycle designs and configurations.

In 1907 a road race named the Isle of Man Tourist Trophy (TT) – a 60-kilometre, hair-raising race around the narrow roads and tiny villages of a remote island in the middle of the Irish Sea – was first run with racers touching speeds close to 100 miles (160 kilometres) per hour. This race has become the longest running road race in the world, and still occurs annually to this day.

As early as 1908, motorcycles such as the Brisbane-built Spencer were racing laps of a dirt track at the Brisbane Cricket Ground (now the Gabba). By the 1920s, these races had evolved into a sport called speedway, which was pioneered in Australia and went on to take the world by storm.

In the 1910s and 1920s, board track racing became immensely popular in the United States, with stripped-back speed machines, such as the Indian 8-valve, racing around steeply banked oval tracks made from wooden planks.

NEW WORLD ORDER: THE RISE OF THE BIG FOUR

During the first decades after World War Two, Japan produced small motorcycles that were not in direct competition with more powerful American or European machines. Slowly, however, Japanese motorcycles increased in capacity, sneaking up on the established markets. In 1969 Honda released its revolutionary CB750 with five-speed gearbox, disc front brake and reliable and easy-to-use electric starter.

Established brands struggled to keep pace. BSA, until recently the world’s largest motorcycle manufacturer, produced their new Rocket 3 the same year, but its four-speed gearbox, conventional front brake and lack of electric starter were hallmarks of a bike from the 1950s. The Velocette Thruxton was also trying to compete with the Honda with what was effectively a 1930s design. For not much difference in price, the customer had a choice between machines designed for the past, or the up-to-date and user-friendly Honda CB750. In what seemed like a heartbeat at the time, the motorcycle world had changed forever.

GETTING AWAY FROM IT ALL

Whether across the high mesas of Arizona or the Australian outback, the point of motorcycle cruising is simply to get away from it all.

THE ART OF DESIGN

Design innovation has been closely associated with the motorcycle for most of its 150-year history. The earliest motorcycles, however, were not so much designed as built. Nonetheless, they embody characteristics that align with their countries of origin.

Functionally, motorcycle designs drew influence from a mode of personal transport they superceded: horses. British motorcycle design quickly evolved to place riders in an upright position that harked back to established horse-riding traditions and encouraged a straight line from the shoulders through the seat and ankles. Across the Atlantic, horse-riding was a more casual affair involving a laid-back posture, with feet thrust forward and neck reined in. American engineers designed their motorcycles according to this precedent, instigating a distinctly American style of riding suited to longer distances and the wide-open plains, exemplified by Harley-Davidson, Indian and Crocker motorcycles.

DIRT

Motorcycling on dirt goes back to the origins of the vehicle, because in those late nineteenth-century days many roads were unpaved. Rutted cart tracks, for the most part, presented various challenges for young motorcyclists in search of fun.

In Britain, scrambles and trials developed side by side. Scrambles were simple races of laps on a closed course, or point-to-point races over open land. Trials, a competition of balance and skill, involved various ‘sections’ which had to be navigated under the scrutiny of an observer. Scrambles and trials were often combined, with speed courses connecting the observed sections. In those days, it was not unusual for a rider to compete in scrambles and trials on the same bike, riding to the competition from home and back again.

With the rise in popularity of BMX bicycle racing, motocross became more and more spectacular and popular throughout the world, boosted by the annual X Games and riders such as Travis Pastrana and Jeremy McGrath, whose freestyle tricks and phenomenal skills made them international stars. In the last 20 years, extreme long-distance dirt racing, known as enduro, especially the Dakar Rally and the Baja 1000, has captured the public imagination. Queensland rider Toby Price is one of the world’s best long-distance racers, having won the Dakar twice in recent years.

CUSTOM MOTORCYCLES

It was not until Honda revolutionised industrial production in the 1960s that motorcycles started to be built to exacting technical standards. Prior to that, in Britain, Europe and the United States, new machines might only be a ride away from having a part break or fall off – commonly referred to as a ‘shakedown ride’.

Customization was born from this need to repair and maintain new motorcycles, but went further, to make motorcycles better, faster, louder, brighter and different to factory-produced models. So-called ‘cut-downs’ and ‘bob-jobs’, aimed at reducing a motorcycle’s weight, were the first customs to emerge in the United States in the 1920s and 1930s.

After World War Two, the terminology changed: custom bikes were now ‘choppers’, with exuberant paintwork, indulgent chrome, wildly extended front forks and high, ‘ape-hanger’ handlebars, famously featured in Dennis Hopper’s 1969 film Easy Rider.

Contemporary customs eschew the huge and loud V-twin engines and gaudy paint styles of American choppers. Sydney’s Deus Ex Machina made its reputation with a series of clever customs based on the modest, single-cylinderYamaha SR400 and 500 motorcycles. Chicago-based Australian Craig Rodsmith creates sculptural designs around the most insignificant engines; including the BSA Bantam two-stroke, one of the least celebrated engines in motorcycle history. These designers, along with Max Hazan, Bryan Fuller, Daryl Villanueva in Vietnam and others, are changing what it means to be expressive in a mechanical genre.

THE NEED FOR SPEED

The motorcycles displayed here are unified by their capacity for speed – a quality that has become synonymous with the machine. From its inception, the motorcycle’s facility to increase the rate at which people experienced the world was one of its most alluring and mind-expanding features. The invention allowed riders to travel at velocities that altered their perception, transforming vision into a series of flickering shapes and images reminiscent of the cinema screen, and challenging existing understandings of time and space.

While the earliest motorcycles could barely move at the pace of a horse, advancements in technology quickly saw this limitation surpassed. In the twentieth century, the target was to ‘do the ton’, or to travel at 100 miles (160 kilometres) per hour or more – a speed that the bikes in this section of the exhibition can exceed many times over. For example, the Britten has reached speeds approaching 320 kilometres per hour, and land-speed racer Kim Krebs has driven her Suzuki Hayabusa across Lake Gairdner, South Australia, at 342 kilometres per hour, making her the fastest female motorcyclist in Australia.

THE FUTURE GENERATION: ELECTRIC MOTORCYCLES

The introduction of today’s battery-powered engines has changed the fundamentals of motorcycle design. Although internal combustion engines have driven most motorcycles since the first commercially produced models entered the market in 1894, even then visionary inventors recognized the benefits of electricity over gasoline. In subsequent years, however, electric motorcycles were only considered at moments when gasoline became scarce – as exemplified by the 1942 Socovel Electric on display in this room.

Throughout the twentieth century, such innovative designs could not compete against the internal combustion engine. Fifteen litres of fuel in an average-sized tank always offered more stored energy, lower cost and greater range than any battery of the day.

Fortunately, in the twenty-first century, barriers to an electrically powered future are disappearing rapidly. Viable electric powerplants now present new design opportunities. Many conventional components of the traditional motorcycle – fuel tank, radiator and exhaust pipes – are suddenly redundant, and a new set of design questions emerge: What should motorcycles look like and, importantly for many riders, how will they sound? Who will embrace these revolutionary new designs?

Today new forms of personal electric transport are proliferating, and our collective appetite to embrace them is growing at an exhilarating pace.

EXHIBITION EXAMPLES

Perreaux Steam Velocipede 1871
Country: France
Engine: 30 cc steam @ 3.5 kg/cm² (50 psi)
Power: 1–2 hp
Designer: Louis-Guillaume Perreaux
Courtesy: Department of Hauts-de-Seine/Museum of the Departmental Domain of Sceaux, France

This velocipede*, made by Frenchman Louis-Guillaume Perreaux, is generally regarded as one of the first motorcycles ever built, with different sources citing its date of creation as between 1867 and 1871. This incredible feat of mechanical ingenuity is a modified ‘boneshaker’ Michaux bicycle powered by a steam engine. With wood and iron-banded wheels, flimsy handlebars and a high seat perched precariously above the brass-plated boiling steam engine with an alcohol fuel burner, the Perreaux was capable of about 14 km/h and would have been an uncomfortable, yet revolutionary, mode of travelling Paris’s cobblestone streets.

Though groundbreaking, this early motorcycle was almost immediately made redundant by the invention of the combustion engine. This is the only known example. * The word velocipede drives from Latin, via French: velox (swift) and pes (foot).

Majestic c.1929
Country: France
Production range: 1930–33Engine: 500 cc OHV single
Power: 11 hp
Designer: Georges Roy
Courtesy: Bobby Haas and Haas Moto Museum, USA

The Majestic is perhaps the greatest of all French motorcycle designs, although it had little impact upon its release. Designer Georges Roy was inspired by Art Deco to create the motorcycle’s flowing lines, and its curvaceous pressed-steel bodywork enclosing the entire frame and engine, standard in car manufacturing, was unheard of in motorcycle design at that time. When all motorcycles were black, Roy also offered the Majestic in several bespoke color schemes.

The motorcycle is not only an aesthetic marvel but also a technical triumph. The hub-centre steering is an example of Roy’s mechanical prowess – looking forward, as it does, to modern-day Yamaha, Bimota and BMW steering and suspension designs.

All of this bravura thinking was expensive to produce, and the Majestic failed to sell in significant numbers. Today, we look it with a sense of wonder.

Spencer 1906
Country: Australia
Production range: 1903–10
Engine: 475 cc side-valve single
Power: 2 hp
Designer: David Spencer
Courtesy: The Australian Motorlife Museum – Paul Butler Collection, Australia

This motorcycle is one of only two surviving examples of at least 10 motorcycles designed and manufactured by David Spencer in Torwood, Brisbane, between 1903 and 1910. Spencer made wooden patterns by hand to produce the iron castings to make its engine and parts, and this is one of very few early examples of a motorcycle made almost entirely in Australia. Although it would have been easier to use proprietary components – such as brakes, carburetor and various levers – sourced from a variety of overseas manufacturers, Spencer made most of them himself.

Spencer was successful in various competitions while riding his own machines, and they were well regarded at the time. The Queensland Police Force requested 50 of his motorcycles; however, Spencer was not in a financial position to undertake such a large order.

Indian Chief with Sidecar 1940
Country: United States
Production range: 1922–53
Engine: 1207 cc side-valve 42° V-twin
Power: 30 hp
Designer: Charles B Franklin
Courtesy: Arundel Collection, Australia

The Indian Chief is a classic icon of American motorcycling, first released in 1922. In 1940, the model was upgraded to have a large, skirted fender and new sprung frame that was superior to rival Harley-Davidson’s unsprung body. While sidecars were always offered as a complement to the Chief, their streamlined design did not achieve the same iconic status. However, sidecars allowed a passenger to travel comfortably across great distances.

Vincent Black Lightning 1951
Country: United Kingdom
Production range: 1948–53
Engine: 998 cc 50° V-twin
Power: 70 hp
Designers: Phil Vincent and Phil Irving
Courtesy: The Peter and Frances Bender Collection, Australia

The Vincent Black Lightning developed from the 1936 Vincent Rapide, a V-twin designed by Englishman Phil Vincent and Australian Phil Irving that was the world’s fastest productionmotorcycle for its time. The innovative design has the engine ‘hang’ from a stiff backbone, rather than be surrounded by tubes, lowering the motorcycle and thereby improving its handling. In 1948, Rollie Free set the United States speed record at Bonneville Salt Flats, Utah, at 241.85 km/h on a specially tuned Vincent V-twin. Subsequently, Black Lightnings set national speed records in Ireland, New Zealand and South Africa, as well as in Australia.

Only approximately 30 Black Lightnings were ever made. In 1953 this particular machine was used by Jack Ehret to set the Australian speed record at 227.7 km/h on a short stretch of road near Gunnedah, New South Wales.

Britten V1000 1994
Country: New Zealand
Production range: 1991–98
Engine: 999 cc DOHC 60° V-twin
Power: 165 hp
Designer: John Britten
Courtesy: Private Collection, New Zealand

Created by design engineer John Britten, this may well be the greatest motorcycle ever made. The Britten V1000 was conceived, designed and built to be raced arrow-fast, and displays superb design features, such as the lipstick-pink-and-powder-blue colour scheme, unheard of in the macho world of motorcycles.

Its lines flow effortlessly from the tip of its dragon’s nose, through the intestinal twists of its twin exhaust pipes to the end of its cantilevered tail. The front cowling, almost a mudguard, tightly hugs the front wheel and forks; the second cowling smooths the airflow past the engine; and the third hugs the rear wheel – all creating downforce as they do so. In a final flourish, there are the four stars of the New Zealand Southern Cross on the tank, and John Britten’s signature.

Deus Ex Machina Drover’s Dog 2009
Country: Australia
Production dates: Custom
Engine: 399 cc SOHC 2-valve single
Power: 35 hp
Designers: Dare Jennings and Carby Tuckwell
Courtesy: Joseph Mildren / Deus Ex Machina, Australia

Dare Jennings and Carby Tuckwell, founders of Australian custom motorcycle and fashion brand Deus Ex Machina, bring both Bondi cool and characteristic Aussie humor to the many custom designs that have emerged from their workshop in Camperdown, Sydney, since 2006.

The Drover’s Dog – named after the working dogs on outback sheep farms – is based on a Yamaha SR400, and has a surfboard attached. The motorcycle’s brilliant engineering is evident in its stripped-down frame, low-slung exhaust pipe with a shorty muffler, huge Brembo front disc and tank graphics.

Deus bikes eschew the big, bulging, macho custom designs being made in the United States and are eminently rideable, beautiful designs for the rider who is cool, and wants to stay that way.

Savic C-Series Alpha Model 2020
Country: Australia
Production dates: 2020–present
Engine: Electric motor with 11 kWh battery
Power: 60 kW (80 hp)
Designer: Dennis Savic
Courtesy: Savic Motorcycles, Australia

The motorcycle industry is embracing electric technology, with electric vehicles entering the market at an increasing rate. Savic Motorcycles founder Dennis Savic describes the Savic C- Series – Australia’s first full-size electric motorcycle – as ‘a unique offering with the most advanced features and functionality that the materials, engineering, electronic controls, electrical technology and 3D printing can offer today’.

The Savic C-Series combines advanced technology with the classic styling of a café racer – a type of custom motorcycle that first appeared in 1950s and 1960s Britain. These motorcycles were prominent in the Rocker or ‘Ton-Up Boy’ youth subculture of the time, and were used mainly for short trips between popular cafes. In postwar Britain, many people were unable to afford a car, and motorcycles offered an alternative means of urban transportation. As the country became more prosperous in the late 1950s, the cafe racer became more symbolic of speed, status and rebellion. Today, the cafe racer is known for its stripped-down style, which makes it a lightweight, powerful motorcycle optimised for speed and handling.

THE PUBLICATION

The Motorcycle: Design, Art, Desire b y Charles M Falco and Ultan Guilfoyle. An impressive 320-page hardcover book published by Phaidon accompanies the exhibition. It’s an essential and compelling exploration of the design, history, and culture of the motorcycle – an icon of the machine age. Written by internationally renowned motorcycle experts and co-curators of the exhibition, Professor Charles M Falco and Ultan Guilfoyle, the book showcases 100 superb examples of motorcycle design from the late 19th century to the present day and beyond to the technological innovations of the future.

Beautifully illustrated with newly commissioned photography and archival ephemera, this visually arresting survey is a compulsory read for design lovers and motorcycle fans alike.

RRP $79.95 – but available at Queensland Art Gallery | Gallery of Modern Art (QAGOMA) for the special exhibition price of $62.95.

The opinions and views expressed in this article are those of the writer. Me. Period. No one else on earth thinks like me or has the opinions I do. And if they do they’re keeping pretty fucking quiet about it.

It’s not a conspiracy if it’s dancing naked on your lawn and shouting, “We’re actually doing this to you!” into bullhorns while setting off fireworks.

The “pandemic” is a hoax. But it’s not a conspiratorial one.

They’re being pretty up-front about it. Even Greta
Thunberg and Allay-handro Ocasio I-yam Inigo Montoya
Cortez Con Gleem could see through this one. But
Americans are now so fucking stupid they believe
anything.

Not that there’s a lot of Americans. A very large
part of the American population is here illegally, from
places with actual real and deadly health dangers and
since they are immune to danger in general…. being here
illegally: with their fucking infants and children: which
takes some fucking nerve and kay-hone-A’s; not to
mention recklessness and child abuse – they laugh at
these silly restrictions protecting them from the flu when
they have to normally deal with TB, malaria, typhoid fever, diphtheria, reptiles, insects, putrid water, infections from everything, rotted food, drug dealers, and cops who make the drug dealers look valiant and saintly.

Their attitude is, “Do ju theenk I am wore-reed about deh plu my pren? I doan tink so, puto.” Plus, they come here from places so restricted and tyrannical that telling them they have to wear a useless mask on their face and need to stay home with their 20 other immediate family members…..is not harsh to people who used to live in bone-dry landscapes and disease-infested jungles and were eating rattlesnakes and algae because there ARE no stores to go to, mask or no mask, social distancing or no social distancing.

And being out of work? Leettle Seester Yolanda and Cute Little Juan can always be rented out just like before in the
former homeland. So, they have at least SOME sense of
how to deal with reality.

Meanwhile the rest of America is in some dreamworld
created by the opiate of gullibility and the intoxication of
socialism and believes government is inherently good, that mandatory schooling of children in classes full of crazed strangers taught by impotent losers taking advantage of children’s’ innocence and gullibility is “education,” that humans affect planetary climate, that a man’s butthole is a woman’s vagina, that planets billions of miles away affect and influence human decision-making and terrestrial events in general, that tv news hacks who literally cannot spell “restaurant” are wise gurus of wisdom and gentle guardianship of human existence, that Choko-Balls are the NUTRITIOUS part of “this nutritious breakfast” of steak and eggs, that taxes are not confiscation, that arrest is not kidnapping, that legislation is not tyranny by committee but
is instead “democracy,” that the Bill of Rights is actually a
bill of rights, and that the Pope has the authority to
eliminate two of the ten commandments. Which he did this year and I suspect you are hearing about it right now for the first time. From me, of all people: The World Champion Commandment Breaker.

I know a hoax and a con and a lie when one shows up. I
was born and raised in a traveling carnival that went up
and down the San Whoa-quin Valley, yes including
Fresno. I worked in show business as a child with the
elites of Hollywood, I had jobs with Loretta Young, Peter
Graves, Fess Parker, Leo Carillo, Ed Sullivan, Broderick
Crawford, Richard Conte, Vincent Price, Jack Webb, John Wayne, James Arness, James Mitchell, Judy Canova, Walt Disney, Jerry Lewis, fucking Lassie.

I was Born an Italian in Boston with relatives in the North End who were in the import business via Genoa, bringing allegedly silk from China, and there must have been SOME silk in the shipments because Adolphe Menjou, considered the best dressed man in Hollywood, got his linings from my grandfather.

My other grandfather was in charge of food
preparation at Harvard for 30 years where he would take
me as a child and regale me with the grandeur of America and show me the vast libraries there and emphasized the value of higher learning. I tap danced for the Sica brothers, sometimes allies of, sometimes renegades from, Jack Dragna, at their insistence at their restaurant in San Fernando. And Joe Sica, one of the first 11 Original Las Vegas Black Book bad guys showed up at my grandfather’s burial. I either did a good job tap dancing or he wanted to make sure he was dead.

Talented and successful Italians and talented and successful Jews were all I knew. I talked frequently on the Disney lot when I was a Mouseketeer with that fellow from Nazi Germany who designed rockets to kill British civilians in the ‘40s and rockets to send Americans to the moon in the ‘60s, because I was a total WW2 addict as a child and, awestruck and inebriated with gratitude.

I learned from him about the most driven bureaucrat in history since Alexander of Macedon, Adolph Hitler: revenge-filled artist who would show the world what artists can accomplish when truly pissed and crawling with the gifts of persuasion and with a flair for design mixed with firepower.

I’ve worked in construction, restaurants, retail,
vagrancy, and then hit rock bottom as a hack for
Easyriders Magazine: probably the lowest level of
employment available since the building of the pyramids,
where propriety was greeted with caution, where decorum was something you did with cakes, where attire was something that went onto wheel rims, where grooming was what brides married, and where proofreading was what you did when checking-out a liquor bottle’s label.

I experienced the Easyriders “offices,” where the people all the people at all the previous places of employment
mentioned went out of their way to avoid, because it
contained a lot of the kinds of people only a hardened
carhop could deal with – bikers with long police records
either in existence or pending. Bikers who shambled,
plodded, fell, slept and scratched themselves through the
oil-dripped hallways and went in and out of the rooms and offices in every imaginable variety of consciousness, a lot of it altered. Biker tramps from both heaven and hell who could read a person better than Kenneth Branagh can read Shakespeare…..
…..so, therefore I can smell a con ten trillion miles away,
who’s behind it, and why. Because I’ve seen damn near
every version of humanity possible for there to be and the kind of mischief and stupidity and hoodwinking they are capable of and am not impressed by fame and certainly not by bureaucratic title, so bullshit from notoriety doesn’t get by me. I see the bullshit. Not the notoriety. I am only impressed by ability and job performance and when I see proclamations coming from clearly and without controversy and as all would agree the most inept and worthless useless piles of crap on earth, bureaucrats and news hacks…..I know I am being conned.

Anyone with an IQ higher than 9 and who has anything
close to an awareness of how anything works at all on this planet of the apes, has known from Day One, which was two days after the Senate tore up Pelosi’s impeachment fuckass nonsense…..that this flu emergency is a con job.

And you have to be a pretty trusting imbecilic never-had-a real-job dumbass loser to think it’s anything else.

There’s so many lies involved you can even itemize them.

Lie Number One: that the “pandemic” is making the rules
you are now obeying. No. A fucking useless, probably
child molesting, public servant bureaucrat sociopath is
making the rules using as justification the
recommendations of “health advisors.” Most of whom are
such physical freaks of Nature you wonder what they are
doing on Earth at all, forget about giving health advisories
to Terrestrials.

And now Biden, the guy who Homeland
“security” is declaring anyone who has a PROBLEM with
him as a national security threat, has installed, in the
National Health Emperor slot, a fucking man who is
insisting he is actually a woman – a guy who doesn’t know
that genitals, not your opinion, are what proclaim one’s sex to be, a man who literally doesn’t know a woman’s twat from a hole in the ground OR from a man’s ass.

…..he’s now in charge of Virus Command. Remember: Levine thinks his balls are a twat. He thinks his cock is a pussy. And he fucks guys. Because he thinks their anuses are vaginas.

This is a guy fucking-up at 100 on a major scale
of 1 to 10. Levine is confused on real easy stuff. This is
kindergarten knowledge, knowing if you’re a boy or a girl.
And he’s confused about it. And he is now going to keep
you from getting the flu? He’s that fucking intelligent?
And he, she, or it is going to blame what he, she, or fucking it plans to do to you…..ON the flu.

He, or whatever the FUCK he is, is going to fuck you up…..and blame a virus for it. He’s going to blame a virus…..for what he’s doing.

There’s a reason Biden likes this guy: because he’s a
degenerate pervert. But at least Levine sticks to ADULT
Caress Partners. Far as we know. Unlike Biden, who, if
you’re 11 and you’re female, and Biden’s in the room, you are going to be VERY uncomfortable and suicidal in very short order, soon as he gets over there and does his love dance with his hands down your hair and face and tries to kiss your lips. To Joe Biden… Miss Levine With A Dick who looks like something that went through the transporter wrong is a fucking Grade-A version of normal.

Lie Number Two: that Covid-19 is something different from the millennials-old annual winter cold and flu season. It isn’t. It’s the fucking flu. It’s the annual cold and flu season disease. Its job is to kill people. People on the margins of life. Old fucks. Sick fucks. Fucked-up fucks. Maybe you. Maybe not. The flu has a fucking job to do and you standing six feet away from the obliviosity at the check stand and then sitting at the dinner table with fifteen people all named Sanchez and eating from the same just-killed-chicken buffet acquired from out in the yard and beheaded by Ojar…..is not going to give you the flu or keep you from GETTING the flu. It’s just going to keep you annoyed at the supermarket. The flu doesn’t care what you put on your face, how far away from the big fat cow in front of you at Trader Joe’s you stand, how many times you play with your balls before taking your produce out of the shopping cart so the hasn’t-had-the-flu-yet cashier who deals with three thousand flu-carrying contaminated customers a day and still hasn’t died can put her ass-scratching mitts all over it and then give it back to you, the flu doesn’t care if you eat inside or outside a restaurant or fucking even eat at all, the flu doesn’t care if you live in a slum or a suburb or in a tent or on an island or in the park with 5,000 tubercular aids victims or on the fucking moon, because it will have gone there with you, motherfucker, and if you are destined to be overwhelmed by its little fucking spikes…..there’s not a goddamned motherfucking thing you, or your rectal-faced sexual abomination National Health Advisor, Rachel Levine, or your brain-dead mayor or your child molesting governor or your shitbrained county supervisor or your ass-breathed city councilman can fucking do about it, sparky. Because it’s the flu.

It’s been around a lot fucking longer than you have, ben-dayhoeputo cabrone, and if your immune system says, “fuck this shit” and throws in the towel….you’re gonna get the fucking flu. And if you’re in pretty good health and
vibrancy…..you are still gonna get knocked right on your
ass, fucker. And if you are in an old folks home because
you now have the resistance and resilience of someone
who spent a year in Auschwitz courtesy of Hitler……you’re gonna die, bud.

Tell your buddies where you hid the porn,
the drugs, the guns and the video-ed evidence of the
killings……and kiss your ass goodbye. Do you remember
before Feb 2020 when there was such a thing as the 24-
hour flu? That’s the one that drops you in your tracks for
one full day and you don’t move, you don’t wake up, you
don’t eat, you don’t drink…..and 24 hours later you spring
to your feet and say what the fuck just happened?
Remember those days?

That’s the flu. The one that kills the marginal ones. And remember the long-drawn-out flu that would fuck you up, make your bones hurt….and then
proceed to your lungs so you could cough up kind of
attractive piles of green and yellow clumps of writhing snot balls?….that you would look at with a kind of admiring sense of accomplishment?…..that’s also the flu.

The one that kills grandpa in the dead of winter and clogs his breathing effectiveness enough to make his brain click the off switch, show’s over, that’s all, folks. IT’S CALLED THE FLU!!! IT HAPPENS EVERY FUCKING YEAR!!

And every year it mutates. In order to kill new people.
Because, you see, if you get it – and everyone gets it – if
you don’t die from it or even know you have it and you
come through the other side unscathed……it’s because
your immune system killed it and restructured itself to
forever be immune to it. So, what does the flu do in
response because it’s a million-year-old cunning mother
fucker?….it mutates. That’s it’s job. And it’s really good at
it. Probably better at it than you are at yours. Because it’s been at it longer. Millions of years longer. While you have been at YOUR job for only….oh, wait, you lost your job. By order of a crossdressing bureaucrat. In order to keep you safe.

Now, then; your faithful government representative piece
of shit and his piece of shit failed-novelist journalist pals in the “news” departments….have correctly concluded that you are an idiot and that you’ll believe anything. So, they are declaring the Twenty-Twenty-ONE flu……”a variant.”

Well, yeah, asshole, it’s a variant. That’s what the flu does. Every goddamn year. It changes. It variants itself. In order to kill new old people. YOU can’t stop it, Gavin fucking Idiot NEWSOM can’t stop it, Joe Child-Sniffer BIDEN and his fucking freak show of a HEALTH GURU can’t stop it…..all they do is stop you. Not the virus. Just you. And so that’s what they’ve done. Because they can.

They can’t stop the flu because the flu has half a brain. But they can stop you because you’re a fucking moron. As is being proved. For one full year and counting.

Lie Number Three: the flu can be “slowed.” Or “curtailed.”
Or “lessened.” Or “corralled.” Or “impeded.” Or “stalled.”
Or “halted.” Or “reformed.” Or “retrained.” Or “re-directed.” Or “paused.” Or “impeached.” Or “repurposed.” Or “reeducated.” Or “converted.” Or “reasoned with.” Or “stopped.” Or “threatened.” Or bribed.” Or “blackmailed.” Or “tricked.” Or “brought to Jesus,”….. It can’t. It ain’t like us when it comes to diplomacy or bargaining or convincing. Furthermore, it doesn’t care what you do or don’t do to pretend that you have some strategy against it. It’s like honeybadger. It just plain fucking doesn’t give a shit. It doesn’t give a shit about you or your rules or your plans or your protective gear or your whereabouts or your defenses or your masks or your fucking hand-sanitizer, or
your social distancing or your garage full of toilet
paper……. the flu says Fuck You to all of those things.

Do you see any of this bullshit you and your asshole governor are doing actually WORKING? No? Well, then, let’s keep doing it. Forever. Because you’re insane.

Lie Number Four: We’re all at risk.
You’ll notice no bureaucrats have died of the flu. They
never do. At least not while in office. They die when they
retire from fucking your life up when they hit 90. THEN
they die. OF THE FLU!!. BECAUSE THEY’RE FUCKING
OLD!!! You would think a city councilman or certainly an
Arab TSA agent who has to feel the gonads of 50,000
travelers to Foreign Country Hell every day….would die of
Covid-19. Wouldn’t you. No. You wouldn’t. ‘Cause you’re
pro’bly fucking stupid. But in fact, he should be dead of the pandemic global catastrophe massacre pyroclastic flow of the bat-created wet market Chinese bio-chemical lab World Health Organization flu by now. But he ain’t. He’s still right there feeling your wife’s pussy and thanking Allah for the miracle of flight.

Lie Number Five: The healthy are a threat.
Here’s where Karl Marx comes boldly in, all unwashed
and unshorn and full of fleas and French coffee and
eternal unemployment.

Because of the fake Pandemic Emergency Holocaust
Abattoir Butchershop River of Blood Apocalyptic
Screaming Global Health Massacre Catastrophe Great
Concerningness Covid-19….the HEALTHY are being put in quarantine. No one has a problem with it. We’re
quarantining the healthy. Because….they are a threat. Not to themselves! God forbid there be any self-preservation involved in any of this tyranny. No, they are a threat to everyone who is NOT them. Did I say no one has a problem with this? Well, if I didn’t, no one has a problem with this.

On a normal planet this is called lunacy and/or The
Diabolical Upheaval of Right and Wrong. On Earth this is
called “caring.”

EYE call it Marxist Communism.
“We’re all in this together.” Yeah: against our wills,
Valiant Comrade. YOU don’t matter. Everyone else does.
YOUR immunity is a threat to everyone you never met.
You go to the store?….you take off your mask for a
second?…… you can be killing someone in Tanganyika in
an oxygen tank via a tracing modeled study contagion
vector biometrical analogue probability function indicator.
Your family get-together is not a time for joy and
happiness, it’s a Superspreader. If you violate the
meaningless useless idiotic made-overnight rules invented by freak-faced Health Advisors and decreed by
“concerning” unemployable bureaucrats enjoying a free rein Reign of Terror…….you are being irresponsible. And the idiot hacks with “media” by-lines pulling the strings of the bureaucrats like THIS asshole below is….. are pouringit-on what a selfish cruel person you are.

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/deal-anger-ignoringcovid-
19_l_6009cbbec5b6df63a91e4197

Kelsey Boring, SENIOR REPORTER of the Greta
Thunberg mongoloid publishing-twin The Huffington-Post
Hall-Monitor of Virtue, is upset with you. You dare to
endanger others with your disobedience? Kelsey doesn’t
like that. You better behave, worm with a penis, or else the stiletto heels rivaling Sapphic Isles Daughters of Wrath will stand on your nutsack,

Filthy Man Creature that you are who dares to defy the vaj-hatted warrior of guilt and accusations and makeup-free butt-ugliness.

Lie Number 6: The vaccine actually “makes you safe” from the Get Rid of Trump Flu.

There is no way to know this. No experiments have
been run on actual humans that the vaccine actually
works. Actually, I should say vaccines, plural. Everyone
and their ballsacks are making Covid-19 vaccines this
week. They’ll be packaged inside every box of useless
Chinese facemasks in a few days. Even though there is no tested experimental evidence that any flu vaccine, forget about this one made yesterday in a garage in Bakersfield by methhead toothless Sunland-Tujunga arroyo inhabitants, actually keeps anyone from getting whatever the fuck Covid-19 actually is, assuming it even exists.

Lie Number 7: This will someday all end.

No. It won’t. Fauci and Gates are making new laughingfaced predictions every other day about “variants,” and will the vaccine work on them or not, yes it will, no it won’t, “studies suggest that possibly maybe perhaps could according to reports from the science and the World Health Disinformation Organization and the Center for Demonic Control according to experts close to a source, it’s too soon to tell but let’s temper optimism with caution.

The important thing is that we all are in alignment and full
accord and not deviating from the dictates of safety for us all because people are dying.”

Well, yeah! That’s what we fucking do! We die! Deal
with it! My kid wants to see her grandma!! Asshole!! I want to go to the saloon! Asshole! I want to see the Rose
Parade! Asshole!! I want to sit down at MacDonalds!
Asshole! I want to see a stripper, asshole. I’m gonna die
whether I get the fake fucking flu or not! But I wanna live
first!! Asshole!

“Oh, well I’m sorry Mr. Solari, you can’t do that because
you might catch the flu.”

“I don’t care!”

“Oh, but you might give the flu to someone else.”

“I don’t care about that either! That’s their problem!
Besides I don’t have the flu!”

“Oh, but you might have the virus. You’re just not sick.”

“So, what’s the problem??”

“We need to know if you have the virus.”

“What the fuck for??”

“So that if you do we can claim you have The Covid
and that you’re a menace to the weak and infirm-otons
and maybe to one race or ethnicity or another in particular that we need to keep around so they’ll vote for us, being even stupider than you, you being an Italian and probably a bit feral, and so we can continue making you suffer. Because we’re insane. You’re stupid and we’re insane. And it’s all Trump’s fault.”

Lie number 8: the flu obeys what we tell it. We tell it don’t
pass through a useless petri dish on our face and it will
obey us. We tell it never travel six feet through the global
world atmosphere we all walk around in to get to another
person and it will obey us. We tell it to succumb and
surrender to a vaccine that has never been experimentally tested on a Covid-19 or non-Covid-19 human living being and it will obey our directive to it to keep us immune.

We tell it not to contaminate take-out food handled by teenage-or-worse couldn’t-care-less bottom-rung employees on the job-ladder who are pissed off and convinced they should be paid more but are nonetheless very diligent and respectful of your need to stay healthy and free from whatever contaminates they are plowing into your food with their fingers, tongues and feet and maybe cocks but since it’s TAKE-OUT the covid viruses are courteously committing suicide so you will stay safe via the edicts, which edicts and overnight protocols the viruses will obey because they knows that only by sitting inside a restaurant with other diners eating the same asshole-employee contaminated food the take-out customers are getting gives you the flu.

Take-out is flu-free. Because studies have shown.
What’s the answer to this? The answer is get used to it.
You’ve proven you’re a dunce. So therefore “Wear A Mask While I Caress This Little Girl” Biden is going to pour it on. Because he can. And because you won’t care.

Thank you. Sucker.

–JJ Solari

“Hey, America!

I’ve been kicked off every social media site on the
planet but then someone told me, ‘Donny?…..you think
you’ve hit rock bottom but there’s a whole nuther level of
Loser you ain’t even come close to yet, and that’s
Bikernet. You go on there, not only can you say whatever
the fuck you want, no one will ever EVER find out about it.

It’s that fuckin’ bleak.’ That’s what I was told.

So, I start doin’ some research and I get told by more
than one person, yep, there’s a place that exists that is so far deep into the subterranean muck of obscurity that even I could go there and the New York Times and it’s diapered clone, the Huffington, and not even Reuters-rhymes-withgoiters would ever find out about it.

So, I asked Jared what he thought of the idea and he
said ‘Mmmff-gllpkzzz-gmmmphllgll.’ I said Jared, move
your lips, make your jaw go up and down, TALK to me!
Haha, I kid Jared a lot but that’s because, well….ok,
here, take a look: that’s his picture.

Ok, now ya know.

But let’s get on to business.

I want to say it’s terrific that I’m here on Bikernet, I hear
there’s lots of terrific people connected to this entity……is
that a word? Entity? Must be. It must be a word: it’s got
titty in it. And anything with titties in it is fine with me.
Could be fakes though, right? Could be fakes. Yup. Could
be fakes. Could be fakes. Not that that’s bad, right? Fake
titties?….not a problem. Except at high altitudes. You know that, right?

You mile-highers, you know that, right? You
think you’re gonna get some gently-oozing milk and you
get detonated silicon emulsificated gel all over your face
instead. Yup, them fake titties. What’s that? What about
Ivanka’s titties? Let’s not go there, ok? Let’s try some
decorum. Is that word? Is decorum a word? I think it’s a
word. I don’t know. I don’t know. Let’s take a vote on it.
Just don’t have the Democrats COUNT the votes. Or we’ll never know the true outcome. We’ll never know the true outcome. We’ll never know the true outcome.
People ask me what I’m gonna do now that I’m not
President. I dunno. I guess just watch Joe Biden make
America a shithole again. He’s opened up the border
again, you notice. And if you haven’t noticed everyone in
Mexico, Ecuador, Cwairna-Vaca, Akkeh-PUL-co,
Honduras, Somalia, Nigeria, Iran, Iraq, Whatever
Palestine Is, Mozambique, Tanganyika, Peru, the Persian
Empire and probably Coruscant sure has. They’re already coming in from Tijuana to Tierra Del Fucking Fuego.

A ten thousand mile long line of welfare-addicts waiting for you to pay for their diseases and they’re young. But that’s ok because it’s “caring,” right? That’s the Democrats for ya: forcing people at gunpoint to be saintly. Meanwhile they’re on Epstein Island offering children to Moloch, right? Don’t know if it’s true. Don’t know if it’s true. I’m hearin’ things, don’t know if it’s true.

People ask me whattaya gonna do now that you’re not
President? Well, it’s not as though I am a Democrat and
went into politics after leaving mom’s basement at the age of 50. I do have an actual occupation. If I had been doing my real job while I was also President I would not have just been living in the White House, I would have been replacing the White House. Probably with a high rise. I mean, let’s face it, I took a big step down in living-quarters moving into that relic from Wuthering Heights. I mean, talk about dreary architecture. It’s not Frank Geary, right? It’s not something out of Blade Runner, is it. It’s something out of Tobacco Road. It’s like a museum with bad paintings.

You ever see the artwork in that place? It’s all men looking at you. Everywhere you go there’s some man….and he’s always a bureaucrat, right? Some fellow former officeholder up there on the wall checking you out.

You’re supposed to look at him looking at you. That’s your Art Experience in the White House: staring at Woodrow Wilson picking his nose. Wow. There’s an aesthetic interlude, right? You staring at Franklin Roosevelt staring back at you. Or Eleanor. Jesus. Talk about paperbagready. Jack Elam was cuter than that arachnid-faced horror. Who’s Jack Elam? Look him up. He’s that actor who was in a lot of westerns who had one eye that was looking sideways around a corner while the other eye was more or less looking at you. Great guy. But not a good looking man. And Eleanor Roosevelt was also not a good looking man.

How about that Pelosi, uh? Miss Rack. Well, she wasn’t
when that picture was taken but she sure is now. What’s
THAT all about. Have you seen that picture? Taken 100
years ago when she was 60. She was Miss Rack. A bunch of car mechanics voted her Miss Rack. She’s standing there in the middle of some guys and she is more like miss Level Surface than Miss Rack from what I can see. But you look at her now she’s got jugs so big they pull her forward like she’s the number 7 walkin’ around.

I need someone to find out if that Miss Rack yarn is actually factual (the photo is not, proportedly). If it is it’s the best thing she ever did ’cause her performance as a bureaucrat is a fuckin’ clownhouse of catastrophe.

You notice she’s always got Schumer
standing next to her when there’s cameras around. He’s
so fuckin’ ugly you’re actually forced to look at her. And
she knows that. Schumer thinks she just likes him. No,
she likes bein’ looked at, and that’s the only way she can
get anyone to do that is stand next to Schumer.
Then there KAH-mala. That’s how she insists her name
be pronounced. Not Kah-MA-la. No… KAH-mala. I just call her Kneepads Harris. Good name, right? I mean if you gotta be famous for something what she’s famous for is as good a thing as any.

She likes to think she’s forceful, right? No man can
withstand her verbal attacks. She’s a prosecutor. Trey
Gowdy could have her in tears if they went head-to-head,
and I really hate to use that word in a Harris-related
sentence because it immediately causes a multi-car
collision of confusion. So, if they went nose to nose. She’s supposed to be so tough, but I saw her on a stage once, sitting at some political swah-ray, and she’s got a mike and she’s talking into it all pleasant to a roomful of, ya know, her audience of strident warrior women who look like basset hounds and men with alternate life styles….and some deranged homeless loon runs up and snatches the mike out of her hands and starts yelling at the audience about injustice on the planet Venus….and Kah-MA-lah is sitting there with this shell-shocked grin on her face like, “Where am I?…..what is happening?……is this a scary thing?….or a HAPPY thing?……will I be hurt?…..is there candy at the end of all this?……is this a prank and part of the fun?……”

Here’s where this is going: she is about as ferocious as
Tweety Bird. You hit a piano key hard enough and she’s up on the ceiling with her hand-and-foot-talons deep into the lath and plaster and looking down with the scared look of a baby squirrel that just heard a thunderbolt. A clogged gurgling sink would scare the shit out of her and if it scared ALL the shit out of her she’d just be a pile of
clothes on the floor. Which is where her clothes usually
end up when she’s negotiating for a promotion. You ever
see her naked? No? Then you must not have a job in
government. WHOA!!! Good one.

People ask who writes your material? The Democrats do. The difference is they actually make you obey their jokes. I just make you laugh at them.

Hey, no, really, you’ve all been great, and next time I
show up here on Bikernet let’s hope that it’s actually me
and not the asshole who is at the moment pretending to
be me.

Good night! God bless America!!”

Sincerely, Donald J Trump as portrayed by John J Solari,
Thank you.

The unsung hero of the automotive world is the threaded fastener. Most people only think about the bolts and screws of their machines when they have to, when the components are stripped, seized, or broken off. That dismissive attitude, however, may cause these components to strip, seize, or break in the first place.

For instance, if you are working on a classic motorcycle, you are probably using the wrong screwdriver—and are setting yourself up for disaster. Hear me out.

Let’s talk a bit of history first. Screws were first created using files to grind threads into round stock. Like anything handmade, the process was laborious and the results were inconsistent. With the advent of machinery to roll threads rather than cut them, screws and bolts began to usurp nails in production environments. Threads may be the identifying mark of a screw, but the truly critical part is the design of the head, which determines the tool engagement that imparts torque to drive the fastener into the material (or nut).

Slotted screw heads were the easiest to manufacture, but inventor John P. Thompson thought that a crosshair-style engagement would be a better idea. He patented the idea in 1932 but, unfortunately, he was not a very good salesman. Thompson abandoned the venture and sold the patent to Henry Phillips, who formed the Phillips Screw Company and went about manufacturing and selling the hardware. In 1935 Phillips filed a patent application that modified the Thompson design slightly and tailored it for production lines, in which screw guns were becoming commonplace. The Phillips screw was born.

That patent for a cruciform, or cross-shaped, screw head expired in 1966. Though the style became generic, the Phillips-head design never lost its uniquely American roots. The cross-haired head was created for ease of assembly and was always intended for production environments, in which efficiency was key. Making a Phillips head requires only two cuts with a tool. The finished head has a rounded profile and tends to “cam out” when high torque is applied to it; Phillips-head screws worked perfectly with screw guns because the fastener was “foolproof.”

However, some countries saw the “speed over accuracy” American production style as crude. Rather than engineer a fastener to avoid over-tightening, the Japanese wanted to shift responsibility for precision from the mechanical component to the craftsman.

This concept brought about a redesign of the Phillips screw, commonly known as the Japanese Industrial Standard (or JIS). This type of screw head looks very similar to a Phillips, with the exception of a single, tiny dot. JIS fasteners may look a lot like a Phillips-head, but the tool engagement is far superior—if you are using the correct tool.

For years, I piddled with project motorcycles in my parents’ driveway or in a storage unit across from my college dorm, often getting frustrated by the screws securing items like engine case covers.

The problem wasn’t my technique. It was my tools. I was attacking these JIS fasteners with my Phillips screwdriver out of ignorance. Yes, a #3 Phillips fits pretty good in a JIS 3 head, but once you start applying torque—especially to a screw that is properly stuck—you are far more likely to strip the fastener than if you were using a JIS driver.

Once I realized the error of my ways, I found that JIS screwdrivers were worth every penny. They saved me countless moments of frustration. I am a fan of buying high-quality screwdrivers and keeping them nice: I have a set of screwdrivers that are exclusively for carburetor service, plus a general set for all other tasks. You may think I’m crazy for having redundant tools, but strip out one carb jet because you’re using a worn-out screwdriver, and you’ll change your tune.

I’m similarly obsessed with JIS screwdrivers and bit tips in the garage. If you play with vintage Japanese motorcycles, you should be too.