The week started calmly enough. I hit the Ink Slingers Ball with the dark-haired one and enjoyed the vast array of tattoo art. I was most impressed with the Cori Miller crew’s work from Six Feet Under Tattoo in Upland, Calif.
Samson exhaust system came on board and we’ll be scrambling to produce a line of exhaustive exhaust installation techs to assist riders in deciding which blastin’ pipe system to go with and how to make it purr. I slipped up an antique of mine from Milwaukee Iron, a ’39 WLDR — check it out. Then a call came in from Brenda Fox. “Wind ’em up,” she shouted over the phone. Ever since she got her dream job with Bill Bartels at his Marina del Rey dealership, she talks that biker shit all day.
I ran out and started my touring chopper on he spot. “What now Brenda?” I asked. I always do exactly what the Fox tells me, immediately. “We’ve got a music video to star in,” she said, the deep syrupy-sweet voice dripping down the side of the receiver. “Be at the dealership at 6:30 a.m.” Then she hung up. I was hoping it would be something about me and her in a bed someplace in a cozy studio in Hollywood. That wasn’t the case, and conditions worsened as the day proceeded, but we better get to the news:
THE BARGER REPORT–Sonny will be in Reno this weekend for Street Vibrations. In October he will visit Cleveland, Rochester, N.Y., and Salem, Ore., for book signings, as well as Daytona for Biketoberfest. Check the Meet Sonny page for dates and locations.http://sonnybarger.com/nav_tour.htmlIf you still have not read Hell’s Angel, you can read the 5000-word excerpt online at Penthouse.com. Follow the link at the bottom of the Press/Media page:http://sonnybarger.com/nav_press.html
CLASSIFIED AD DEPT.–Following is a slimy group of classifieds from newspapers across the land. But before we go there, I want to remind you that Bikernet has a place for your motorcycle-related classifieds and personals. They’re free, damnit. So go for it.
TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY
$9.75 PER HOUR? WE OFFER PROFIT-
SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS.
STARTING PAY: $7 – $9 PER HOUR.
EXERCISE EQUIPMENT:
QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS
– $175.
OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB
AND IT’S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER.
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER
> $300.
RIDER SELLS CUSTOM MAG LIGHTS FOR BEANS–C.J. Allan is an old rider of some hidden fame and one of the finest engravers in the world. C.J., who made the Blue Flame point cover that rode with me to Sturgis, is hand engraving mag lights for sale on Bikernet.
If you need something engraved for your scoot, your truck, your gun, your ol’ lady’s purse, a money clip, a belt buckle, boot tips, you name it, C.J. is the man. Check his Web site at http://www.cjs-engraving.com, or give him a call at (270) 492-6209.
Think about it…..don’t think too fuckin’ long though, cause if something don’t happen aroundhis place pretty damn soon, he’s hangin’ up all this bullshit art work, an’ tryin to be a good guy, and goin’ back into thuggery.
SOCAL HAMSTERS AND BIKERNET CREW PERFORM COMMUNITY SERVICE–Dateline San Pedro: Bikernet Crew members and Hamsters from Los Angeles participated in an annual beach cleanup program. Twice a year, once just before the summer season and once at the end of the year, volunteer citizens from all over the coastal regions of any state with a beach line march onto the sand to pick up debris left by the unkempt and unworthy. This program includes international beaches such as the topless sand boxes in Rio and the Mederian. The material is recycled and documented to help government agencies understand the needs of beach dwellers.This year, Bikernet and the So Cal Hamsters came forward to assist on weekend cleaning of the Cabrillo community beaches and parks. With headquarter-made pokers in hand, the squad of motorcyclists scoured the beaches and parks for spare change so we could party later.
A GUY ARRIVES AT THE PEARLY GATES– waiting to be admitted. St. Peter is reading through the Big Book to see if the guy’s name is written in it. After several minutes, St. Peter closes the book, furrows his brow, and says, “I’m sorry, I don’t see your name written in the Book.”
“How current is your copy?” he asks.
“I get a download every 10 minutes,” St. Peter replies. “Why do you ask?”
“I’m embarrassed to admit it, but I was always the stubborn type. It was not until my death was imminent that I cried out to God, so my name probably hasn’t arrived to your copy yet.”
“I’m glad to hear that,” Pete says, “but while we’re waiting for the update to come through, can you tell me about a really good deed that you did in your life?”
The guy thinks for a moment and says, “Hmm, well, there was this one time when I was driving down a road and I saw a group of biker gang members harassing this poor girl. I slowed down, and sure enough, there they were, about 20 of them harassing this poor woman. Infuriated, I got out my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked up to the leader of the gang. He was a huge guy; 6-foot-4, 260 pounds, with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ears. As I walked up to the leader, the bikers formed a circle around me and told me to get lost or I’d be next.”
“So I ripped the leader’s chain out of his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them, “Leave this poor innocent girl alone! You’re all a bunch of SICK, deranged animals! Go home before I really teach you a lesson in PAIN!”
St. Peter, duly impressed, says “Wow! When did this happen?”
“About three minutes ago.”
THUNDER OVER DIXIE NEWS– of the hour…..Biker Billy and the Burpee Seed Co. Flame Throwing Harley are joining us on the ride!! Biker Billy will do two shows a day along the route. That’s right folks, crazed maniacs and tainted chefs will be joining the madcap romp from Nashville, Tenn., to Biketoberfest in October. For information on how you can attend the charity ride of a lifetime, call the Dixi–ette at (949) 645-8036.
LANDMARK $433M GUN SUIT DISMISSED– (By Mike Robinson, Associated Press Writer) Mayor Richard M. Daley’s $433 million lawsuit against the firearms industry was dismissed Friday by a judge who said the mayor might do better to combat city crime through law enforcement methods and legislation.
Cook County Circuit Judge Stephen Schiller questioned the city’s use of statistics showing that many guns used in gang shootings in Chicago have actually been purchased at suburban gun shops, many by so-called straw purchasers who bought them for resale to criminals.
Schiller said the statistics represent the kind of evidence that calls for legislation rather than court action.
More than 30 cities and counties across the country have filed lawsuits against the firearms industry, with mixed results. Last October, a state judge allowed Atlanta’s lawsuit to proceed, while an Ohio judge dismissed Cincinnati’s lawsuit.
Daley pledged to appeal the decision and said Schiller, a former criminal court judge, should have understood the need for the lawsuit. “Who in his right mind is going to be having this on the street in front of your child?” he asked, holding up a rifle.
Daley’s lawsuit was filed in November 1998 following an undercover investigation by Chicago police officers who posed as straw purchasers ? people with state firearms owners identification cards who buy guns for those who lack such cards, usually because they have criminal records and are ineligible. Daley said the $433 million was related to the cost of police, medical and other services over a four-year period.
Named as defendants were 22 gun manufacturers, including such major names as Beretta, Colt, Smith & Wesson and Browning. James Valentino, an attorney for defendant Universal Firearms Ltd., said the decision was important for all businesses, not just gun makers. “If the manufacturer of a product can be held liable because somebody uses his product illegally, then no manufacturer is safe,” he said. He said police should concentrate their efforts on straw purchasers.
STALKER HAUNTS HEADQUARTERS– Hey Bandit! I know that you just can’t get enough of me. I check up on you from time to time. Okay, pick a favorite from this…Type in: http://www.whiterabbitstudio.com/GOTHGIRL.htm
I am watching you, bad biker boy. Your evil GOTH D.D.M.C.
Who’s in charge of Bikernet security, anyway?–Bandit
THE AGENT REPORTS–I’ll kick over a bunch more lines when I get out of the weeds on “1%er,” which will be sometime later this week. We can pick our favorites, burn the rest. Made the Poker Run this last weekend. Key West. Key West was incredible. Saw Hemmingway’s house. Got some shots. Pretty big moment. Been trying to see Papa’s place for 10 years. Finally got there. They got about 8,000 bikes. The hurricane spooked a few off. I’ll try to punch out a story with photos.
I’m still working on the Sturgis story. I wrote about half of it, then tore it down to change the direction some. Key West was perfect until the hurricane passed about 100 miles off shore. Then the entire island went under water. Sea water. I got the bike up into restaurant which boarded the doors. Saw two new dressers with wakes going over the seats. The 7- Mile bridge was a spooky devil. Ten stories up, huge gale winds, roaring seas below, 2-foot cement railing. High fun.All is well. Rubber side down, rolling.
CALLING ALL SOCAL BIKERS–I am on the board of directors for Childrens Hospital of Orange County and we are having our inaugural Biker Run for Kids, on SUNDAY, SEPT. 24. We are expecting as many as 1,200 bikers for this event, with all proceeds going to a real worthwhile cause.This is a poker run down the beach and through the canyons with the final stop being Sloppy Joe’s at the Irvine Spectrum (where I-5 and I-405 meet.) Sign in at 8 a.m.; 9:30 a.m. at Sloppy Joe’s with all riders due back no later than 12:30 p.m. for food and a live band playing blues, soul and rock ‘n’ roll.Music will play from 11:30 a.m. to 3 p.m..Rather than get too wordy please visit the website for this event at www.minimailers.com/CHOCRUN. As co-chair for this event, I have asked that an area be roped off for about 15-20 show bikes.We have a celebrity from the TV series Home Improvement who will be auctioning off items. We will also be having drawings for goods as well. Some of the fine people donating to this cause are Danny Gray, Arlen Ness, Phil Day and Gary Bang.Please call Manny at the this toll free number for details if you too are interested in helping those children less fortunate than others, (888) 245-8083. — Manny Montanez
A WOMAN HAS A DOG THAT SNORES IN HIS SLEEP– Annoyed, because she can’t sleep, she goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog’s testicles and he will stop snoring.
A few hours after going to bed the dog is snoring as usual. Finally, unable to sleep, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of ribbon and ties it around the dog’s testicles….sure enough, the dog stops snoring. The woman is amazed!
Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep and begins snoring very loudly.
The woman thinks maybe the ribbon will work on him. So she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of ribbon, and ties it around her husband’s testicles. Amazingly, it also works on him! The woman sleeps very soundly.
The next morning, the husband wakes up very hung over. He stumbles into the bathroom to urinate. As he is standing in front of the toilet, he looks in the mirror and sees a blue ribbon attached to his testicles. He is very confused and as he walks back into the bedroom, he notices a red ribbon attached to his dog’s testicles. He shakes his head and looks at the dog and says: “Boy, I don’t remember where we were or what we did but by God we got first and second place!”
MORE PHOTOS– I see you have given us some more coverage, so here are a couple more photos of my girlfriend, Charley, and another of my rig. Feel free to use them. Could you please mention our Website (iworeit.com)? It’s a buisness we own. Check it out if you haven’t already. I am sure your readers will love it.
I am going to start on a new bike project, so, I am going to be selling the Silver Slut. If you know anyone who would like it, and they buy it, I will give you a $250 finder’s fee. Plus, we still want to be in the damn movie. Charley will even smile when we get the part………Rourke
MO’ PARTS–1 Delkron FXR TVR2 5 Speed Spline Shaft Transmission Complete with Pulley$1100.00.
1 4 Speed Harley Transmission fits 1965 – 1984 Big Twin (rebuilt)$1000.00.
1 Roadstar 16 inch spoke wheel in box, $250.00.
3 Rev Tech 16x 3 Front Rally Style Billet Wheel complete, $300.00each.
4 Sturgis 16x 3 1/2 Front Vision Style Billet Wheels complete, $300.00each.
2 Sturgis 16x 3 1/2 Front Vision Style Billet Rims (no hubs),$150.00 each.
1 Sturgis 16x 5 1/4 Rear Attitude Style Billet Wheel complete,$350.00.
1 Sturgis 16x 3 1/2 Front Attitude Style Billet Wheel complete,$300.00.
2 Sturgis 16x 3 1/2 Front Roadstar Style Billet Wheel complete,$300.00 each.
2 Sturgis 16x 5 1/4 Rear Roadstar Style Billet Rims (no hubs),$200.00 each.
1 Sturgis 16x 3 1/2 Front Billet Wheel complete,$300.00.
2 Sturgis Vision Rear Belt Pulleys,$200.00 each.
2 Sturgis Attitude Rear Belt Pulleys,$200.00 each.
1 Sturgis Roadstar Rear Belt Pulley,$200.00.
2 Wire Wheel Style Rear Belt Pulleys,$200.00 each.
8 Billet Inner Primary to fit FXR,$200.00 each.
5 Billet Outer Primary covers to fit FXR,$200.00 each.
6 Rear S&S 3 5/8 Bore and 5.375 tall Cylinders Std bore loose, $50.00each.
4 Front S&S 3 5/8 Bore and 5.375 tall Cylinders Std bore loose, $50.00each.
7 Front 4 Valve Heads some have worn guides,others 5/16 helicoil $75.00,each.
1 Rear 4 Valve head same as above,$75.00.
10 Sets of 4140 Steel EVO connecting rods,$50.00 set.
10 New Harley Davidson factory wrinkle black starters 84 up EVO, $125.00each.
3 S&S Cam Covers late model single cam (nose cone),$50.00 each.
2 Dyna DS6-2 Electronic Ignitions,$50.00 each.
3 5 Speed Harley Davidson taper shaft Diaphragm clutch assembly withKevelar clutch plates, $ 400.00 each.
7 Heavy Billet 5 Speed transmission doors polished & bearings,$150.00 each.
7 Jims pinion gears 24045-78 Green to ’89$30.00 each
3 JIMS pinion gears 24043-78 red to ’89,$30.00 each.
1 CCI 09-930 mini floorboards,$75.00.
2 CCI 12-997 floorboads,$25.00 each.
4 Dunlop 491 Elite MT90B16 front tires,$60.00 each.
1 Dunlop 491 Elite 160/80 B16 75H rear tire,$60.00.
1 Dunlop 591 Elite 140/90/16 65V rear tire,$60.00.
1 Metzler Perfect ME99A 150/80/V16 rear tire, $60.00.
For info: [mailto:rogue@bikerrogue.com]
THERE ARE TWO INDIANS– and a cowboy walking along together in the desert when, all of a sudden, one of the Indians took off and ran up a steep hill to the mouth of a cave. He stopped and hollered into the entrance, ” Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!” And, then listened very closely until he heard an answer…….
“Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!” He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.
The cowboy was puzzled and asked the other Indian what that was all about…was that Indian goofy or something?
“No,” said the other Indian. “It is mating time for us Indians and when you see a cave and holler, ‘Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!’ and get an answer back, that means she is in there waiting for you.”
Well, just about that time the other Indian spotted another cave. He took off, ran to the cave, stopped & hollered, “Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!” When he heard a reply “Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!” off came his clothes and into the cave he goes.
The cowboy started running around the desert looking for a cave to find these women that the Indians had talked about. Suddenly, he looked up and saw this great big cave. He was amazed at the size and thought, “Man! It’s bigger than the caves those Indians found. There must be something special inside. Well, he darted up the hill at great speed with hopes of ecstasy and grandeur. He got in front of the cave and yelled, “Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!” He was thrilled when he heard the answering call of “WOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOO!! WOOOOOOOOO!!!” He quickly took off his clothes. With a happy face he raced into the cave.
The headlines in the next day’s newspaper stated: NAKED COWBOY RUN OVER BY FREIGHT TRAIN
QUICKEST PRO STOCK HARLEY IN THE WORLD–Hannon Racing might not be making the NHRA Pro Stock Bike Program, but they are making some numbers. This weekend at MOHNTON, Pa. in Pro Stock Bike Division at the 16th annual Keystone Nationals, Dan Baisley set the Harley world on fire.
Baisley, Portland, Or., turned a 7.802 at 166.21 on his first pass, then a 7.769 at 163.14, then a record breaking 7.667 at 169.10, the 1/8 mile on this pass was 4.80 ET at 146 mph.
Team owner, Bill Hannon thrilled with their results, “we have a lot left in the bike. We’ll be pulling back to Pennsylvania in two weeks for the AHDRA race, then straight to Rockingham for the Eastern Finals at Rockingham, NC. We are really excited about going to NHRA at Houston where weather conditions are traditionally optimal and our equipment should be as well.”
“We can’t thank our sponsors enough, it was tough rebuilding the program after Daytona, but we don’t have any regrets now.”
Sept. 30 AHDRA Maple Grove, Pa.
Oct. 7-8 AHDRA Rockingham, NC
Oct. 26-29 NHRA Houston, Tx.
Hannon Racing is supported on their national circuit by Axtell Sales, Inc., Baisley Hi-Performance, D & G Chassis, Harley Davidson of Ft. Myers, The Landings Realty, Inc., Red Line Oil, MRE, BPM Racing Engines, and Dyna Tek, RK Chain, Bandit Clutch, Vanson Leathers, & Mastercam. Hannon 941-463-2778, www.hannonracing.com.
WARNING!–Hey….keep your head outa the paint booth man!
That’s Naples, Fla., and you can’t even recognize oneof your own highly paid writing staff?
Speaking of writing, your editing always gives me agood laugh. What, you don’t like “good to go!”OK…OK… “get the fuck out” does have a little morepunch to it, but I know I won’t be sending you anymoretechnical stuff. You make me sound like an idiot. Youcan’t remove a clutch buy pulling against the clutch. You have to pull against the transmission main shaft. Since you can’t do that directly without taking achance of damaging it, you have to pull against the”clutch hub nut” (after loosening it). Just like I wrote it!
I used to be a technical writer and hated getting badinformation. Old habits die hard, eh… Mr. Editor!
As long as I?m bitchin’, why doesn’t your movie man(madam) have an email address to send wannaberesumes?
You don’t think I’m gona fork out 32 cents for a chanceto not be in your movie do ya!
No….so I’ll just send it to you.*******************************************
Resume
Last Name: Stroker
First Name: Stroker
Qualifications:
1) I Ride
2) I’m still breathing
3) I Ride
Experience:
I don’t know, nor do I pretend to know the first fuckin’thing about acting, taking direction or anything else todo with the movie industry.
References:
K. Randall Ball
I’m one of his highly paid writing staff.
I know you can’t wait to sign me to a big buck deal. Don’t worry I’ll get back with ya.
THE CHIEF’S FILM–Announcement today that “Hell’s Angel” “authorized film history based on Barger’s life” will become theatrical film from Fox 2000 (part of 20thCF). Tony Scott directing; Anthony Zuicker writing. Says film wilL include all the violence, sex and “carefree” living of the bike club and won’t shy away from Barger’s legal problems. One of the producers is Fritz Clapp, who is the longtime lawyer for HA & Barger. Tony Scott has 5 bikes.
ONE LINERS– Ah, yes, divorce……., from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet,” — Robin Williams
“Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself,” — Roseanne
“Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place,” — Billy Crystal
THE INFAMOUS BIKES & SPIKES MOTORCYCLE MAGAZINE IS NOW ONLINE!–Notorious Motors Inc. brings Bikes & Spikes magazine online!!! You saw it in print, now you need to see it online at www.bikesandspikes.com – your virtual motorcycle rally! Our mission at Notorious Motors Inc. is to inform, entertain and tease, in that order. Not just those females and males who ride, but also those who won’t resist looking in on the fun. We are becoming the authoritative e-commerce guide to fulfilling every need in the bike world and we invite you all to come on in and get to know what goes on in this colorful culture we call motorcycling.
MOTORCYCLES. STREETWEAR. ENTERTAINMENT. YOU.
Motorcycles: Bikes & Spikes will continue to bring you articles on racing, beginning with the Isle of Man, the most dangerous road racing in the world; bike features – first and foremost the 1930 Harley-Davidson VL restored to original condition, purchased and used by the Minnesota State Patrol in 1930 and retired in the mid- to late 30’s; bike maintenance; riders’ experiences; book and movie reviews and more.
Streetwear: COMING SOON is Notorious Motors’ leather collection as leather has never been seen before, featuring its Heavy Metal Tramps & Thieves line and the Alfa Female Native American collection. Our ever-growing catalog will provide you with the latest in everything you need and want for the road, including all those unique rally finds for men AND women.
Entertainment: Besides a large amount of visuals, we’ll bring you biker music and hot spots and events around the nation. WARNING: We’ll ALSO tantalize you via the Bikes & Spikes calling card – our tastefully-done male centerfold, with The Ice Cream Man From Hell as our first online teaser. He’s wild, he’s sexy and he’s a riot! Don’t miss the continuing Sex & Machine saga, our humorous Rally Rebel (she’s too sexy for her chaps!) and many other personalities.
You: We’ve implemented a bulletin board, chat room and profile page for you to post photos, secrets, whatever, and meet other riders in your part of the world. We need your input and interaction. Pass the word! Tap into www.bikesandspikes.com now! It’s for all of you whether you ride your own bike, like the view from the back or just want a glimpse of what you’re missing!
BIKERNET PATCHES–Yes, you can now purchase a Bikernet patch that’s so cool you’ll actually sew it on your favorite jacket. Check ’em out in the Bikernet gift shop. And check out the other crazed products from Bikernet. There’s got to be something from aunt Tilley there.
FEAR– If a man harbors any sort of fear, it percolates through all his thinking, damages his personality, makes him landlord to a ghost.
BACK AT THE MUSIC VIDEO–Back at the music video. Eleven of us rode out from Bartels’ Harley-Davidson toward downtown Los Angeles. I had recruited Indian John from Walkers’ Cafe in San Pedro to ride with us. We met at the headquarters at 5:30 a.m. and headed along the coast in the morning fog for the other side of the point. John was riding his ’46 custom Indian Chief. Sort of a rat-bike, it ran well, except the bushings in the stock original Indian girder that held the risers for his bars were crumbling and his bar twisted at an odd angle from the front end. His kicker had also rubbed a hole in his front exhaust upsweep pipe and he was losing performance. I told him I would braze it when we returned.
It was supposed to be a half-day gig, but Hollywood doesn’t have the same clocks as the rest of the world. It takes half a day to set up the lights and say hello, then you have makeup, wardrobe, camera equipment to crap out and waiting time for the stars to arrive.
Let’s set the scene. Downtown LA is a strange place. It’s as though Californians saw something bad happening in downtown and abandoned it. There are some theaters and the courthouse is east of downtown, but that’s the end of it. The high rises are packed with thousands of jewelry stores run by India’s finest, the restaurants are all Chinese, and the rest of the area is the ghetto central and dying industrial buildings. The abandoned brick buildings are being gobbled up by studios that surround them with chain link and concertina wire and heavily armed security guards. Weaving through the downtown region is the L.A. river bed that’s nothing more that a massive storm drain. It’s all concrete 30 yards wide with tall sloping walls of more concrete and a 10-foot verticle wall at the top. This particular cement segment is adorned with various graffiti for as far as the eye can see. Some if it is damn nice stuff.
So all 11 of us pulled up to this abadoned brick sweat shop and were met by a muscled security guard who looked to be guarding a building in Bosnia. Shortly thereafter, two Los Angeles motor cops arrived to take on traffic control and additional security duties. After it was determined that we couldn’t ride into the mostly dry river bed, a stake-bed truck was called to assist. Seems the river, for some unknown reason, was rising. The inch of rumbling water slithering over the pavement made for the perfect moss-growing atmosphere, and the cement surface was slicker than snot. Upstream though, there was a patch of dry pavement a quarter-mile long. The scene was this vast open concrete alley way with nothing in sight until you came across this cluster of tents and equipment in the middle of nowhere. Rod was perched in a super-long stretch limo while his band was pushed up and down the river bottom always chasing a set of long legs walking away from Rod. The model’s face was never caught on film, just her mini-skirt, legs and and army boots. At one point, all 11 bikes followed those legs along the river bed. Indian John, The Fox and I didn’t see San Pedro until 8:30 that night.
Where the party began… It’s a new day, let’s ride.
